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1
00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:03,636
♪
2
00:00:06,373 --> 00:00:08,150
["Gymnopédie No. 1"
by Satie playing]
3
00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:11,044
[child laughing]
4
00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:14,514
♪
5
00:00:14,547 --> 00:00:18,018
♪
6
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:21,354
♪
7
00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:24,157
♪
8
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:27,260
♪
9
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:30,764
[zebra snorts]
10
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:34,501
[inspirational music]
11
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:37,203
♪
12
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:40,540
[snorts]
13
00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:44,878
♪
14
00:00:44,911 --> 00:00:48,681
♪
15
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:53,386
♪
16
00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:58,258
♪
17
00:00:58,291 --> 00:01:01,227
[lion growls]
18
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:04,931
♪
19
00:01:04,964 --> 00:01:06,699
♪
20
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:09,369
♪
21
00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:11,905
[hyenas barking]
22
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:17,544
[theme music]
23
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:21,481
♪
24
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:24,384
♪ I'm a different person now ♪
25
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:27,320
♪ Can we just hug it out? ♪
26
00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:29,989
♪ There's an elephant ♪
27
00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:32,659
♪ There's an elephant... ♪
28
00:01:32,725 --> 00:01:35,328
♪ There's an elephant ♪
29
00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:39,232
♪
30
00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:43,903
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,
31
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:47,140
you've seen the evidence,
heard all the testimony.
32
00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:49,909
It should now be clear
beyond a shadow of a doubt
33
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,579
that that guy...
fuckin' did it!
34
00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:57,617
- Fuck you!
- Oh, come.
35
00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:59,662
- Obviously!
- Obviously, he fucking didn't!
36
00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:02,322
He fucking did it, and
everybody fucking knows it!
37
00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:03,933
- Your Honour, what the fuck?
- [gavel bangs]
38
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,291
Okay, knock it the fuck off.
39
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:07,103
This is horseshit.
That's what this is.
40
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,771
-Okay, where was I? Right.
41
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,140
- This guy's guilty as fuck!
- Fuck this shit, come on!
42
00:02:11,164 --> 00:02:13,476
-Are you seriously saying yo?
43
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:14,577
Are you that fucking silly?
44
00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:16,278
First of all, he
didn't fucking do it.
45
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:17,980
Second of all,
you're fucking silly,
46
00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:19,748
- you stupid piece of shit!
- [gavel bangs]
47
00:02:19,772 --> 00:02:21,941
Order, order! I said
to shut the fuck up!
48
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,953
Look at that prick over
there! I didn't do shit!
49
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,146
- [gavel banging]
- Shut the fuck up!
50
00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:27,857
[in a whisper]
He's fucking angry.
51
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,158
You'll get your
chance, dickhead.
52
00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:30,826
Now, can I fucking
finish? Please?
53
00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:31,951
Go ahead.
54
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,129
[in a whisper]
Goddamn motherfucker.
55
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,488
- I gotta go take a shit.
- Okay.
56
00:02:35,522 --> 00:02:38,224
[farting]
57
00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:39,935
Thank you. Now where was I?
58
00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:40,994
Right...
59
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:42,295
This guy eats his own dick.
60
00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:43,706
- Fuck you!
- Fuck me? Fuck you!
61
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:44,874
Fuck you, you fucking goblin.
62
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:46,275
Aah, that's so mean! Fuck you!
63
00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:47,943
-Fuck you! I hope
you fucking die!
64
00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:49,945
Enough, enough, enough!
What is all this,
65
00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:52,205
f-this, f-that?
66
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:56,242
Is this supposed to be funny o?
67
00:02:56,309 --> 00:02:58,344
'Cause it's not, I assure you.
68
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:01,214
I am on trial for my life.
69
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:02,549
Is it too much to ask
70
00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:04,918
for just a little bit
of professionalism here?
71
00:03:04,984 --> 00:03:08,354
Please?
72
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:10,990
Whoa... where's this
fucking guy been?
73
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,868
I told you. Didn't
I fucking tell you?
74
00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:14,494
-This fucking guy rules.
75
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,338
- The balls!
- Next time, fucking listen!
76
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:17,931
Well, okay!
77
00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:19,842
Judge, drop all the
fucking charges.
78
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,677
There's no way this
fucking guy did it.
79
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:24,237
- [gavel bangs]
- Halle-fucking-lujah!
80
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:25,338
[triumphant music]
81
00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:31,277
[applause]
82
00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:34,414
I think I clogged
the fucking toilet.
83
00:03:34,447 --> 00:03:36,849
Now I gotta take a shit!
84
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:41,387
♪
85
00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:45,358
WOMAN: Hey, hi!
86
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:47,203
Hi, uh, have you
heard of YippKart?
87
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,337
- Excuse me?
- YippKart?
88
00:03:48,361 --> 00:03:49,505
- YippCar?
- Kart.
89
00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:50,573
- Cart?
- Yes, YippKart.
90
00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:52,074
No, I don't think
I have, actually.
91
00:03:52,098 --> 00:03:54,043
-Oh, YippKart is this
super-cool new app
92
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,045
which is the quickest way
to order groceries online.
93
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:59,205
Just enter this promo code here
for 10% off your first order.
94
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,273
Yes, I'll do this.
95
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:01,684
-But if you really
think about it,
96
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:03,552
you're getting 10%
off your groceries
97
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,120
while getting it
delivered to your front...
98
00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:06,546
Wait... really?
99
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,724
Yeah, I mean, I have to
get groceries anyways,
100
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,359
might as well get
10% off, right?
101
00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:11,618
-[gasps]
102
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,386
[laughing in amazement]
103
00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,755
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
104
00:04:15,788 --> 00:04:18,157
Oh, wow! This is amazing!
105
00:04:18,224 --> 00:04:19,792
Seriously, you will?
106
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:21,127
Because...
107
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,662
they'll hurt me if you don't.
108
00:04:22,729 --> 00:04:24,406
Yes, I-I'll use it. I mean it.
109
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:25,941
I'm serious. They Home Aloned
110
00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:27,810
the last employee that
didn't meet their quota.
111
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:29,912
I'm talking paint cans to
the face, to the crotch,
112
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,437
Micro Machines, the works.
113
00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:32,572
Oh, um...
114
00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:33,983
Maybe I shouldn't
get involved...?
115
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:36,776
No, no, no, no, no, no,
you have to, you have to!
116
00:04:36,809 --> 00:04:37,820
- Please.
- Okay, I will.
117
00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:39,612
Look what they've done already.
118
00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:40,647
Oh my God.
119
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:41,957
God? God?!
120
00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:43,926
What kind of god would
let this happen to me?!
121
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,252
Okay, well, fine. I'll
use the promo code, then.
122
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,796
You promise? You
have to promise.
123
00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:50,456
- I will.
- YippKart promise.
124
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:51,658
Yeah...
125
00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:53,459
Promise.
126
00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,307
You get him to use
your promo code
127
00:04:58,331 --> 00:05:00,476
to get 10% off his first
order on the YippKart app?
128
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:01,801
Yes, yes, I-I swear!
129
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:03,136
She telling the truth?
130
00:05:03,169 --> 00:05:05,171
- She is.
- You sure?
131
00:05:05,204 --> 00:05:07,206
You don't seem sure...
132
00:05:07,273 --> 00:05:08,808
[ominous music]
133
00:05:08,841 --> 00:05:12,445
I'm sure. I'll use it.
134
00:05:13,546 --> 00:05:16,049
[exhales in relief]
135
00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:18,427
I actually think you're
really gonna enjoy this app.
136
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:19,662
It's such a great deal. I
think you're gonna love it.
137
00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:20,720
Me too.
138
00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:24,557
♪
139
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:28,461
[keyboard tapping]
140
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:29,629
Hey, don't forget,
141
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:31,064
dinner at my house tonight.
142
00:05:31,130 --> 00:05:33,108
Tell Judy to save room
for my famous ribs.
143
00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:35,201
Oh, she'll have plenty of room!
144
00:05:35,234 --> 00:05:38,304
We're looking forward to it.
145
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,340
Oh, and...
146
00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:43,409
don't eat too much.
147
00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:44,877
Our toilets don't work.
148
00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:46,245
What do you mean?
149
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:47,413
Yeah...
150
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,082
Bring a shit bag.
151
00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:51,718
I'll see you two later.
152
00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:54,020
[dial tone sound]
153
00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:55,855
You're so fucked, Johnson.
154
00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:57,824
No shits? Good luck.
155
00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,802
You might as well go
to the bathroom now
156
00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:02,495
and try to get it all out.
157
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:06,065
Hey, sweety.
158
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,543
Babe, I'm freaking out
about dinner tonight.
159
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:08,668
Why?
160
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,012
Dinner at your
boss's should be fun.
161
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,347
- The toilets work, right?
- No.
162
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,915
- That's the problem.
- Oh.
163
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:14,883
Well, I better just
take a shit now, then.
164
00:06:14,907 --> 00:06:16,552
[quietly] Yeah, that's
what I'm trying to do.
165
00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:19,912
But guess what? I
can't shit right now.
166
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:22,281
Well, I just flushed mine,
so I'm good for the night.
167
00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:23,826
Don't force it.
You'll be fine.
168
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:25,361
You've gone 2.5 days
without shitting before.
169
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,929
- Just bring a shit bag.
- Really?
170
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,163
You don't think
that'll be weird?
171
00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:30,032
Not at all. You're
too self-conscious.
172
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,091
Says the woman who
just took a shit.
173
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,836
What? I'm still bringing mine.
174
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,704
Yeah, you're right.
Bring one for me, too.
175
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:36,772
Okay. Love you.
176
00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:39,031
[sighs]
177
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,112
WIFE: I can't wait for
those applewood-smoked ribs.
178
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,972
Yeah, I can already taste them.
179
00:06:46,038 --> 00:06:48,641
[jazzy version of
"Jingle Bells" playing]
180
00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:51,944
- [stomach rumbling]
- Ugh!
181
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,914
Hey, hey! Whoa,
somebody overpacked!
182
00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:56,458
What, are you staying here
for the week or something?
183
00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:58,551
[laughter]
184
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:03,322
- [farting]
- Johnson!
185
00:07:03,389 --> 00:07:04,533
[in a whisper] Sorry.
186
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:05,768
JOHNSON: Here comes the shit...
187
00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:08,060
- That's disgusting.
- [sound of pooping]
188
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:13,099
♪
189
00:07:13,132 --> 00:07:15,768
Darlene, thank you so much
again for such a yummy lunch.
190
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,137
She doesn't miss. Just
like when I was a kid.
191
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,972
Hmm! Thanks, you two.
192
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:22,575
Speaking of when Todd was a kid,
193
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:24,586
I was cleaning out the
garage the other day
194
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:26,650
and I found these
old VHS tapes of him
195
00:07:26,679 --> 00:07:28,323
- when he was a little boy!
- Oh!
196
00:07:28,347 --> 00:07:29,982
Mom, you're embarrassing me!
197
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:31,617
GIRLFRIEND: This is too fun!
198
00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:33,953
I want to see little
Todd as a kid!
199
00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:35,497
Alright, alright.
You win, again.
200
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,290
Let the embarrassment begin.
201
00:07:37,323 --> 00:07:39,025
It'll be cute!
202
00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:42,628
We haven't seen these in years.
203
00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:47,333
- Oh!
- [giggling]
204
00:07:50,436 --> 00:07:53,673
Hey, I'm Todd, and
welcome to my tea party.
205
00:07:53,706 --> 00:07:56,642
Oh my God, this is way too cute.
206
00:07:58,344 --> 00:08:00,646
I need some more sugar.
207
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,715
Ohh, remember that tea set?
208
00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:04,150
How could I forget?
209
00:08:04,183 --> 00:08:05,494
Best imaginary tea
in the neighbourhood.
210
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:08,621
[laughter]
211
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:10,332
LITTLE TODD: [TV] Oh, hi.
212
00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:13,493
My lady, could I interest
you in a spot of tea?
213
00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:15,661
[intriguing music]
214
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:18,197
CRYSTAL: [TV] Sir, a spot.
215
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:21,167
MOM: Wow, I haven't
seen Crystal in years.
216
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,203
You two were the cutest
little couple on the block.
217
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:25,814
- We were cuties.
- [Mom chuckles]
218
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:28,508
Whatever.
219
00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:31,344
LITTLE TODD: If I could give
you all the tea in the world,
220
00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:34,213
- I would, my lady.
- You're too kind.
221
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:35,882
That's so stupid.
222
00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:38,184
- You okay?
- I'm fine.
223
00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:41,053
And I don't give a shit
about Crystal, so...
224
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:42,522
Maybe we should shut this off.
225
00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:43,756
[kiss sound]
226
00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:46,692
No, no, no, I'm
just messing around.
227
00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:48,895
I wanna see more
of cute widdle Todd
228
00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:51,397
and cute widdle Cwystal.
229
00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:53,175
CRYSTAL: How much
would it cost me
230
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,434
for all the tea in
the world, fine sir?
231
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:57,670
LITTLE TODD: For
you, my lady, fwee.
232
00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,672
- Oh, come on!
- TODD: Calm down.
233
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,874
You have never liked
me from the start.
234
00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:04,110
And you knew that
pulling up this video
235
00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:06,412
of Todd and his ex-girlfriend
236
00:09:06,445 --> 00:09:09,415
would be the exact kind of
thing to drive us apart.
237
00:09:09,448 --> 00:09:10,917
Well, guess what?
238
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:12,251
It worked.
239
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:13,862
- I'm leaving.
- Babe...
240
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:15,121
Goodbye...
241
00:09:15,187 --> 00:09:17,590
fine sir!
242
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:18,858
[gasps]
243
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:22,628
Hey, it was 20 years ago
and she meant nothing!
244
00:09:22,695 --> 00:09:23,729
[front door shuts]
245
00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:25,197
Wow.
246
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:28,200
- Wait, you know I would never...
- Oh, Mom, I know.
247
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,012
Trust me. That was just...
248
00:09:30,036 --> 00:09:32,371
I don't know what
that was, actually.
249
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,740
I'm sorry.
250
00:09:34,774 --> 00:09:36,909
Cwystal, have you
met my new mommy?
251
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:38,644
I will love her fowever.
252
00:09:38,711 --> 00:09:40,947
She's more beautiful
than your real mom.
253
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:42,448
What the fuck, Todd?!
254
00:09:42,481 --> 00:09:46,152
♪
255
00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:50,756
[cheesy '90s sitcom music]
256
00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:54,327
♪ Some days you wake
up surprised to see ♪
257
00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:57,830
♪ It ain't easy
livin' transparently ♪
258
00:09:57,897 --> 00:10:01,634
♪ But rent is due,
so rise and shine ♪
259
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,737
♪ 'Cause life is worth
living, even at 109 ♪
260
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:08,441
♪ Well, it's hard to
find that chemistry ♪
261
00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:11,944
♪ When you're living
one life platonically ♪
262
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:15,581
♪ And now every day...
263
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:19,952
we're gonna find our way ♪
264
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:22,989
♪ Every day...
265
00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:26,325
we're gonna find our way ♪
266
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:31,163
♪ My ghost roommate and me ♪
267
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:39,338
[audience laughs]
268
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:41,249
- [door creaks open]
- Hey, Ghost, what gives?
269
00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:43,352
I was getting ready for
my sexy date tonight.
270
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:46,345
[audience cheers and whoops]
271
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:49,315
REGGIE: [TV] And I turned on
the faucet and blood came out!
272
00:10:49,348 --> 00:10:52,018
You wouldn't happen to know a?
273
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:54,320
Oh, F off! Cold again!
274
00:10:54,353 --> 00:10:56,531
REGGIE: [TV] I told you,
Ghost, you gotta knock it off!
275
00:10:56,555 --> 00:10:58,190
[audience laughs]
276
00:10:58,224 --> 00:10:59,558
"If I wanted cold fries,
277
00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:01,436
"I would have ordered
them to the North Pole.
278
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:02,938
"Never ordering from
you dorkholes again."
279
00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:05,340
REGGIE: [TV] If our super fot
280
00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:07,700
in here, we'd both be out
on our keisters, meester!
281
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:09,368
[audience laughs]
282
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,704
- GHOST: [TV] I am nowhere.
- [phone notification]
283
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:16,242
GHOST: [TV] I exist
outside of your reality.
284
00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:18,544
I love sassy brand
Twitter. It's so good.
285
00:11:18,577 --> 00:11:20,012
REGGIE: [TV] I mean it, Ghost.
286
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:23,015
No more pranks or you're
gonna be in serious trouble!
287
00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:25,017
[audience laughs]
288
00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:26,085
Capeesh?
289
00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:28,020
[text message notification]
290
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:30,423
GHOST: [TV] I have seen
beyond the pale of eternity.
291
00:11:30,489 --> 00:11:32,334
I have passed through the fabric
292
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,261
that connects time
and the infinite.
293
00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:37,329
I have laid witness to all...
294
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:40,700
"Hey, you little dough
boy, you pudgy little hog,
295
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,878
"your Tweet sent me flying
off the fucking rails.
296
00:11:42,902 --> 00:11:46,338
"If I could, I
would shove your p
297
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,350
"and I would keep going
until you dropped dead."
298
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,342
Jesus Christ!
299
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,745
[eerie music]
300
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:55,281
Okay, I'm blocking this account.
301
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:57,893
REGGIE: [TV] Is
that it, Ghost?
302
00:11:57,917 --> 00:11:59,227
Is that what you're
trying to tell me?
303
00:11:59,251 --> 00:12:03,055
[phone buzzing]
304
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:07,526
Hello?
305
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,037
WOMAN: [phone] How
would you like it
306
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,839
- if I put you in the ground?
- What?
307
00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:12,064
WOMAN: Did I stutter?
308
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:14,009
What if I committed
arson on your apartment
309
00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:17,136
with you still in it,
you little warthog?
310
00:12:17,203 --> 00:12:20,606
- Hendy's?
- [phone disconnects]
311
00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:22,284
- [glass shatters]
- [screams]
312
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,919
REGGIE: [TV] Well, I
guess that means you know
313
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:25,420
whether or not I'm
gonna score tonight.
314
00:12:25,444 --> 00:12:27,580
[audience whooping]
315
00:12:27,613 --> 00:12:29,815
REGGIE: [TV] Come
on, gimme a hand.
316
00:12:29,882 --> 00:12:31,617
First base, second...?
317
00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:37,456
[ominous music]
318
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:39,892
REGGIE: [TV] No, wait, don't
tell me, third, isn't it?
319
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:42,037
- [knock on door]
- Or do I hit a home run?
320
00:12:42,061 --> 00:12:45,131
- [knock on door]
- Hello?
321
00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:48,567
[knock on door]
322
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:51,971
♪
323
00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:55,007
[audience laughter on TV]
324
00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:56,142
Can I help you?
325
00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:57,476
Hey, what are you doing?!
326
00:12:57,510 --> 00:13:01,013
This is my house!
Hey, get off!
327
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,815
You just gave me a noogie!
328
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:04,450
Sorry about that.
329
00:13:04,483 --> 00:13:06,795
We're trying to make the list
of the sassiest Twitter brands
330
00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:08,354
of 2023.
331
00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:10,356
Um...
332
00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:12,458
Um... Here you go.
333
00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:13,826
Sorry again.
334
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:15,594
We good?
335
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:19,031
-So what are your
benefits like for this?
336
00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:21,367
-Mm, not bad. Hey, can
I use your shit bag?
337
00:13:21,433 --> 00:13:22,511
It's been 2.5 days...
338
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,179
GHOST: A little
over-the-pants action
339
00:13:24,203 --> 00:13:25,847
- and she never calls you back!
- [audience laughs]
340
00:13:25,871 --> 00:13:26,939
-Ghost!
341
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:28,641
-Now, if you'll excuse me,
342
00:13:28,674 --> 00:13:31,677
I'm gonna go scare the crap
out of Old Man Carruthers.
343
00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:34,213
Don't you dare or...
344
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,548
you're a dead man.
345
00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:36,525
[audience laughs]
346
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,985
♪
347
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:46,192
[cheering and applause]
348
00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:47,827
Welcome back!
349
00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:50,362
Coming up a little bit later,
the woman behind the viral
350
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:53,532
basketball rap video that's
got everybody talking is here.
351
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:56,135
Quinn, you see this thing yet?
352
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:58,971
- [blows one note]
- [audience laughs]
353
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,507
It's great! It's time
for our first guest.
354
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:04,243
You know him from movies like
"Best in Show," "Like Mike,"
355
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:06,054
and "American Pie,"
and most recently
356
00:14:06,078 --> 00:14:08,156
the Emmy Award-winning
series "Schitt's Creek."
357
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,749
Ladies and gentlemen,
Eugene Levy.
358
00:14:10,816 --> 00:14:16,555
[cheering and applause]
359
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:22,561
[cheering and applause]
360
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:26,732
[cheering and applause]
361
00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:28,267
[laughter]
362
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:29,501
You know this one...
363
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:34,607
[cheering and
applause continues]
364
00:14:34,673 --> 00:14:36,609
Eugene, you look great.
365
00:14:36,675 --> 00:14:38,544
You somehow get more successful
366
00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:40,355
and better-looking
the older you get.
367
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:43,582
Why, thank you, Turner,
you're too kind.
368
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:46,685
We have a lot to talk about,
so let's get right into it.
369
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,187
What have you been up to lately?
370
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,098
Turner, your producers told
me there wouldn't be any
371
00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:53,592
- hardballs tonight.
- [laughter]
372
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,928
Yeah, but anyway,
after Schitt's,
373
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:57,963
I decided I needed
a little break.
374
00:14:58,030 --> 00:14:59,198
TURNER: I don't blame ya.
375
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:00,466
I'm the same way.
376
00:15:00,532 --> 00:15:03,569
- [drum rimshot]
- [laughter]
377
00:15:03,602 --> 00:15:06,805
I set 'em up, you
knock 'em down.
378
00:15:06,872 --> 00:15:09,608
But seriously, I've been
spending a lot of my free time
379
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:13,445
with my close friends, Steve
Martin, Martin Short...
380
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:15,557
anyone with the name
"Martin" in it, basically.
381
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,283
[laughter]
382
00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:18,927
I guess that's it
for my questions!
383
00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:21,954
- [drum rimshot]
- [audience cheers]
384
00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:24,890
Anyway, uh, I guess we should
talk about your new project,
385
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,159
unless that's
something that you...
386
00:15:27,226 --> 00:15:30,729
[ominous music]
387
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:33,399
- Cat got your tongue, Turner?
- [laughter]
388
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:37,102
Did you... drop
something, Eugene?
389
00:15:37,136 --> 00:15:39,104
Oh. Well...
390
00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:41,440
Looks like I'm
straight tripping, Boo!
391
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:45,844
- [laughter]
- Ahh...
392
00:15:45,911 --> 00:15:48,447
These things don't stay
on like they used to.
393
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,750
[laughter]
394
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:54,820
Sorry, folks. This is
extremely embarrassing,
395
00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:56,422
but for some inexplicable reason
396
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:59,158
this man is not the
real Eugene Levy.
397
00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:01,860
Oh, Turner, you're starting
to sound like my son, Jim,
398
00:16:01,927 --> 00:16:05,164
- from "American Pie."
- [laughter and shouting]
399
00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:08,033
Regardless, you're gonna
have to leave the set, sir.
400
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:10,536
I know you don't
know me well, but...
401
00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:12,604
the Eug doesn't leave the stage.
402
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,115
Okay. Security?
403
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:17,476
- [applause]
- MAN: Stop this!
404
00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:19,945
Stop this, everyone!
405
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,181
He may wear fake eyebrows,
406
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:25,851
but I swear on my fucking life
407
00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:29,288
that that man is Eugene Levy.
408
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:34,326
Who are you?
409
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:35,995
Steve...
410
00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:37,529
Martin.
411
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:43,035
[audience cheers loudly]
412
00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:44,536
Case closed.
413
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:48,841
- [laughter]
- [band music]
414
00:16:48,874 --> 00:16:54,146
["Pomp and Circumstance
March No. 1" by Elgar]
415
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,582
[crowd calling out indistinctly]
416
00:16:56,648 --> 00:16:59,885
[crowd murmuring]
417
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,691
[clears throat]
418
00:17:05,724 --> 00:17:08,594
As your valedictorian, I
look out today at the faces
419
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:10,700
of my fellow graduates
and I can see...
420
00:17:10,729 --> 00:17:12,531
[whispering and laughter]
421
00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:14,867
I... I, um, I hope we...
422
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,101
[microphone feedback]
423
00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:18,037
[sighs] I'm sorry. Um...
424
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:20,015
TEACHER: [whispering]
Hey, Jeremy!
425
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,907
You got this!
426
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:24,543
Phew, okay.
427
00:17:24,576 --> 00:17:27,246
It's my hope that we continue
to believe in each other
428
00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:28,881
and ourselves.
429
00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:32,384
But what does that mean,
to believe in yourself?
430
00:17:32,418 --> 00:17:36,021
As you all know, ten years
ago, when I had my accident,
431
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:39,391
my doctor said I would
never walk again,
432
00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:41,036
- but then...
- DR. HONG: No, I didn't!
433
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,629
- [crowd gasps]
- JEREMY: Dr. Hong?
434
00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:46,198
Jeremy, I did not,
nor would I ever,
435
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:48,867
tell a patient that
they'd never walk again.
436
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,904
I simply gave you the facts and
stated that a small percentage
437
00:17:51,937 --> 00:17:54,206
of people will regain
bipedal mobility,
438
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,542
albeit with a limited capacity.
439
00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:58,077
Geez, I...
440
00:17:58,110 --> 00:17:59,578
I guess you're right.
441
00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:02,081
I know I am, because
stretching the truth
442
00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:03,715
is just as bad as lying.
443
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,627
TEACHER: That's
something only losers do,
444
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,086
isn't it, Dr. Hong?
445
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:08,320
That is correct.
446
00:18:08,387 --> 00:18:10,389
Because the truth is...
447
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:12,324
EVERYONE: Winners never lie!
448
00:18:12,391 --> 00:18:14,827
Hong, that was terrific!
449
00:18:14,893 --> 00:18:17,763
Geez, my muscles were supposed
to be much bigger than that!
450
00:18:17,796 --> 00:18:19,741
STEVE: You two are the
best fucking friends
451
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:20,966
in the whole goddamn world.
452
00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:22,568
Thanks, Steve Martin.
453
00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:27,239
♪
454
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:30,342
[techno music]
455
00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:32,153
- Mm-mm!
- You're not getting it in.
456
00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:33,822
- We got this.
- We got this, man.
457
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,280
Mm-mm!
458
00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:37,149
[kiss] Ooh...
459
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:39,351
[both cheer and laugh]
460
00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:42,154
- Ugh!
- It's alright.
461
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:44,156
Alright, alright!
Good game, guys.
462
00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:45,858
Oh, thanks, Katie.
463
00:18:45,924 --> 00:18:47,502
Always a pleasure
kicking your ass.
464
00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:48,961
[laughter]
465
00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:50,905
Okay, okay, what do you
guys want to play next?
466
00:18:50,929 --> 00:18:52,507
I'm so tired of
losing at Beer Pong.
467
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:53,665
Oh, uh, Flip Cup?
468
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,033
Ooh, Truth or Dare?
469
00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:58,270
- Never Have I Ever?
- Mommy Feeds Baby.
470
00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,747
[in a whisper] Who is that?
471
00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:01,282
[in a whisper] That's
Rory's older brother.
472
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:02,650
WOMAN: Rory, come
back to the party!
473
00:19:02,674 --> 00:19:04,176
Wait, what?
474
00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:06,321
-Mommy Feeds Baby. Maybe
we should play that game.
475
00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:08,356
Yeah, yeah, we heard
you, but what is that?
476
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:09,815
Come with me.
477
00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:11,617
WOMAN: No.
478
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,352
No, guys, no way.
479
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:14,929
Let's... Come on!
480
00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:17,523
[under her breath] Fuck!
481
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:19,134
RORY'S BROTHER: Okay,
so you're telling me
482
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,969
no one's heard of
Mommy Feeds Baby?
483
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,171
-No one here has ever
heard of Mommy Feeds Baby.
484
00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:25,063
Okay, fine.
485
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:29,034
So who wants to be Mommy?
486
00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:31,904
Fine, I'll be the
mommy, I guess.
487
00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:33,548
First, you have to
pick out your baby.
488
00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:34,816
Same as they do at the hospital.
489
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,551
But that's not what
they do at the hospital.
490
00:19:36,575 --> 00:19:40,012
Oh, I'm sorry, do you know
how to play the game, or do I?
491
00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:42,181
Okay, so now pick your baby.
492
00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:44,383
Um...
493
00:19:44,416 --> 00:19:45,884
Teddy's my baby.
494
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:48,220
-Okay, so you can do it.
It's not that hard, see?
495
00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:49,388
Okay, Teddy, come on up.
496
00:19:49,421 --> 00:19:50,889
Okay...
497
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,300
- You sit down.
- Me?
498
00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:53,701
- Yeah.
- Now what?
499
00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:55,837
Okay, now you climb onto
Mommy's lap and she feeds you
500
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,238
beer like a bottle till
you have an accident.
501
00:19:57,262 --> 00:19:59,398
What?! No, no way!
502
00:19:59,431 --> 00:20:01,209
She's obviously gonna
change you afterward, dude.
503
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,677
- Calm down!
- Let's... let's just
504
00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:04,679
- play something else.
- No, you're doing it wrong.
505
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:06,714
Babies don't talk. They
just eat, sleep, and piss.
506
00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:08,016
Hey, say, "Goo-goo ga-ga!"
507
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,751
Okay, okay, get the
hell outta here, man.
508
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:10,943
You gotta go.
509
00:20:11,009 --> 00:20:12,320
We didn't even
play the game yet!
510
00:20:12,344 --> 00:20:13,821
Nobody wants to play
your weird perv game!
511
00:20:13,845 --> 00:20:15,523
But being the Mommy
is the best part!
512
00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:16,891
- Go home, dude!
- Get out!
513
00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:18,450
Fuck off, Rory's brother!
514
00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:20,762
- MAN: That's your friend.
- W!
515
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:22,564
MAN: You guys were in
the washroom together!
516
00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:24,699
- MAN: You invited him!
- MAN 2: I need a drink.
517
00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:25,857
[forlorn music]
518
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,227
♪ I woke you up
519
00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:32,965
when I got out of bed ♪
520
00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:37,269
♪ I kissed you on the cheek ♪
521
00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:41,773
♪ I got your coffee ready ♪
522
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:46,245
[man crying like a baby]
523
00:20:46,278 --> 00:20:50,082
♪ I like it when
we're dreamin' ♪
524
00:20:50,115 --> 00:20:55,454
♪ Can we stay right
here forever? ♪
525
00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:59,224
♪
526
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:04,730
♪ Can you fall back
asleep in my arms? ♪
527
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:07,933
♪
528
00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:12,838
♪
529
00:21:12,904 --> 00:21:17,943
♪
530
00:21:17,976 --> 00:21:22,481
♪
531
00:21:22,514 --> 00:21:24,850
♪ When I'm beside you ♪
532
00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:27,586
♪ I can do no wrong ♪
36913
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