Original subtitles

[ Birds chirping, soft music playing ]

[ Loud banging ]

[ Gasps ]

Freya. Freya! The house is under attack!

Assume battle positions!

Sid, it's okay. It's just me.

Oh. Whoa. Uh, what are you doing?

Putting up decorations.

What do you think?

Uh...

I mean, wow. Cool, right?

It's the heads of my enemies.

Yeah. No, I see that.

I guess... I'm just worried

it might come across as a bit spine-tingling.

How do you mean? I'm just worried

that our new neighbours aren't accustomed

to the casual horrors of the wasteland

in the same way that we are.

Gosh, Sid, I love you, but I think you're

way off base here.

You really need to see it plugged in

to get the full effect.

[ Generator whirring ]

[ Heads groaning to "When the Saints Go Marching In" ]

Yeah, you're right. It is better like that.

Right?

[ Heads continue groaning ]

??

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Your subjects in Old New Jersey can't pay your tribute on time

on account of an extended Nuclear Winter.

It's too bad for them. Crush them. "Crush them." Got it.

Uh, the Canyon People were hoping

they could have their women and children back.

Hm. I guess you could do that. Shut up. Crush them.

"Crush them too." Great.

Oh, uh, this note was left for you on the door.

Hm.

"Dear neighbour, you are in violation of Rule 17.4

prohibiting unsanctioned lawn ornamentation.

Please remove the decapitated heads immediately.

Signed, the 'Hoa.'"

Who is this Hoa?

I don't know, but it sounds intimidating.

Like some sort of mythical beast or barbarian king.

Whoever it is, no one tells Freya Exaltada what to do.

I will find this Hoa, and I will destroy it.

That's right, Mommy. You show 'em who is boss.

Give e'm the ol' one, two! Sure, sure!

You know what I love about this job, Devon?

It's that we're doing actual good in the world.

For instance, without us, this doll would just be trash.

But now some child will have a new best friend.

Aah! That... one has a family of scorpions living in it.

But the point remains.

[ Man moans weakly ]

I'm looking for the Junkman.

Ah. My package is here.

I was ambushed by bandits.

It was a slaughter.

Tell my wife... I love her.

Yeah, sure, pal. Here's a shiny beak for your troubles.

[ Groans ]

What is it?

[ Mystical music playing ]

They call it the Gigachron.

Rumour has it its power transcends time and space.

And more importantly,

some rich schmuck is willing to pay me a lot of money for it.

Alright. So, accompanying me

on this very important sale...

is...

Sid, my golden boy.

Hell yes!

I thought I was your golden boy.

Nope. It's Sid now.

In fact, Sid, why don't you take Devon's desk from now on?

Devon, you go sit on that pile of trash over there.

Alright, let's go, Sid.

Sorry, Devon.

Don't be sorry for Devon. He's a piece of crap.

??

Hi. Yeah, uh, the pothole on Main Street

still hasn't been fixed, and I tried to drive my car

over it the other day, and it went into a bottomless pit.

[ Loud thud ] Aah!

??

[ Gasping ]

It is I, Freya Exaltada.

I have come to slay the Hoa.

Ma'am, this is actually the Homeowners Association.

If you'd like to file a complaint,

you need to wait your turn.

So you must be the leader here.

Surprising choice for an overlord.

Small, mousy,

resting bitch face.

Yes, I am the "overlord," I suppose.

[ Chuckles ]

Linda Sherman, HOA President.

Very well, Linda Sherman, I challenge you

to hand-to-hand combat for control of Boomtown.

Oh, no, we don't do that here.

If you want to be president,

you need to win an election.

An election?

Seems like an insane way to pick a leader.

Very well.

If those are your terms of battle, then I accept.

And I promise, when I am president of the HOA... Ma'am, your time is up.

I will crush any and all stand in my way.

And there will be... [ Microphone cuts ]

Wow. Really?

[ Scoffs ] That's crap.

I mean, I don't care, but that's crap.

[ Dramatic music playing ]

Getting kind of a spooky vibe from this place.

How... How much do we know about this buyer?

I assume he's like a regular customer of yours?

Nope. Never met him in my life.

Really?

The Gigachron seems like an awfully powerful device

to just be handing over to a complete stranger.

Shouldn't we find out what his intentions are

or run a background check?

At least get a copy of his photo I.D., right?

Sid, relax. I've done these deals millions of times.

I'm sure he's just some guy.

Gentlemen, Ugulus Sleeze will see you now.

Wait, did she say his name was Ugulus Sleeze?

[ Mechanical whirring ]

??

[ Chuckles menacingly, growls ]

Welcome.

[ Laughs evilly ]

See? Just some guy.

You have the Gigachron?

Yep. It's right here.

That'll be 30,000 bird beaks.

You said 20,000.

That was last week. Price went up.

[ Snarls, laughs ]

I like your style. Get him his money.

??

[ Case rattles ]

I think we're good.

[ Grunts ]

At last, the Gigachron is within my grasp.

Okay, no, actually, just... I need to borrow my boss

for a very quick moment.

We need to discuss a business matter.

Not about you. What are you doing?

We're in the middle of a deal. Okay.

Does anything strike you as concerning about the situation?

How so? Oh, I don't know.

Maybe the fact that Ugulus seems totally evil,

like his greed and depravity turned him

into something not quite human.

And also that it lives in a pool of toxic muck,

which is maybe his life force.

I feel like any one of these things

should be a huge red flag.

He seems like a good guy to me.

Look, he's smiling and he's being very respectful

about keeping his genitals below the muck line.

It's just it's really important to me that my job

doesn't conflict with my personal values.

It doesn't.

I mean, look, of course,

if we knew Ugulus was a bad dude,

we wouldn't be selling him the Gigachron.

But we can't go investigating every single person

we do business with for whether they've ever done

anything bad in their lives.

Nor should we.

That's not part of the job.

Okay? Congrats, Mr. Sleeze.

You are the proud owner of one new Gigachron.

At last! The power! The power!

[ Groans ]

Oh, man. He's licking it.

[ Vocalising ] Okay, uh, well,

we should probably hit the road then.

Goodbye forever, Mr. Sleeze

Wait! We should celebrate.

Let us from suckle from the teat of decadence.

Mmm.

Sounds nice, right? Suckling some teat?

Beep, beep. The party bus has arrived,

and, uh-oh, the bus driver has been drinking on the job!

What the hell?

Tai, you made it. Did the party bus make a wrong turn?

I thought this was going to be a rager.

Yeah, it's a raging local meet-and-greet

to get to know the candidate.

Help yourself to a lemon square.

We'll get started in a sec.

Oh, man, I can't believe I got my robo penis polished

for this shit.

[ Sighs ]

Would you like to make a donation to the campaign?

Every little bit helps. Oh, yes.

That sounds great.

Ah, shoot. You know, I forgot my wallet.

Oh, no. And I was going to give so much money. Darn it.

[ Clears throat ] Testing, testing.

One, two, three. Hello, everyone.

So when you elect me as your next HOA president,

I promise to rule with an iron fist.

Your houses will burn, chaos will reign.

And every day will be a barrage of suffering and misery

until I grant you the sweet release of death.

Um, yeah. No, I don't like that.

Okay. Well, it doesn't really matter what you like,

because I'll be in charge.

Actually, kind of does.

Because these people won't vote for you

unless you listen to their whiny little jerkoff problems.

Yeah, exactly.

Oh. Okay. Um... okay. Let's try this again.

I would love to hear about what you want,

because I care... about you

and don't think that you're a pathetic worm.

Much better.

Hey, great news.

I just remembered you can donate online.

Oh, my gosh. That's so great.

Why don't you send me an e-mail?

Yeah, my e-mail is fakename at

not-a-real-email-address dot nothing.

Got it. Is there a dot between the fake and name?

[ Inhales deeply ]

Ooh, hachi machi! That's strong stuff!

Blossom is an ancient narcotic used to access the great divine.

All I know is it's making me want to bust a freakin' nut.

Hey, what's the matter, little one?

This is a glorious day.

When I unleash the power of the Gigachron...

Oh, no, no, no. Actually, I think the less

I know about your plans for the Gigachron, the better.

Why don't we talk about something else? Hm.

Did you grow up in this lair,

or did you move here after college?

The Sleezes ruled for generations before

before House Benevola overthrew us, spreading peace in the land.

But that all changes tonight

when I unleash the power of the...

No, no, no, no, no. Again. Again.

I do not need to know what you're doing with it.

How about we will just sit here and finish our drugs in silence?

Sure, sure. Mm-hmm.

??

I was just gonna say I'm gonna blow House Benevola away

with the Gigachron. Damn it, Ugulus! Why?

Oopsies.

[ Inhales deeply ]

Mama, mama, mama!

And...

I busted. [ Laughs ]

The Battledome used to be a place where people could gather

and settle disputes.

Now it's covered in trash.

No one's been killed here in ages.

It's a shame. [ Spits ]

How dare you suggest your future queen pick up your trash?

I should bite your friggin' nuts!

Down, boy! Down! Heel! Let me at him! I can tell he's got juicy ones!

[ Shouts indistinctly ]

Hey! Hey! Down, boy, down.

I'll do it.

No!

No. You're Freya Exaltada. You answer to no man.

I don't like it either, but if this is what it takes

to crush Linda and rule the HOA, I'll it.

Time to take out the trash.

[ Upbeat synth music playing ]

??

[ Beeping ]

??

Man: Hey, you're there.

We think what you're doing is pretty cool.

Want some help?

??

Nice work, guys. We did it.

Hey, beautiful job.

So, do I have your vote?

I should have mentioned you. I already voted for Linda.

What?! I... I did exactly what you asked for.

Yeah, but I always vote for Linda.

We all do.

In fact, she won the election. By a landslide.

[ Groans ]

[ Dramatic music playing ]

??

Mommy-y-y-y-y!

Linda-a-a-a-a!

Hey, I'm ready to make that donation now.

[ Gasps ] Oh, no. Did I just miss it?

Oh, is it too late?

Oh, no. I'm so sad.

The time has come

to unleash the power of the Gigachron.

Yes...

Okay, so I have just spoken to Ugulus, and long story short,

he is definitely evil.

Oh, jeez. He is?

Yeah, he was pretty explicit that he's planning on using

the Gigachron to blow a bunch of innocent people.

So obviously we can't work with him now.

Yeah.

But I also want to make a lot of money.

So there's that. But, no, you... you said

we were okay as long as we didn't know what his plans are.

Now we do know what they are, so, what, are we just gonna...

throw away your morals for a paycheque?

Exactly!

See? You did learn something today.

The old order falls.

A new order begins.

[ Laughs evilly ]

Aah!

No!

[ Gurgling ]

What did you do? I stopped Ugulus

before he could kill everyone with the Gigachron.

The Gigachron isn't a weapon.

It isn't? No.

It's a karaoke machine.

[ "Waterfalls" playing ]

Oh, I remember this song. "Waterfalls" by TLC.

Catchy tune.

Did you know it was about AIDS?

Guards.

? Don't go chasing waterfalls ?

We find you guilty of the murder

of our beloved boss and dear friend, Ugulus Sleeze.

Okay, wait. Timeout for just a second.

In my defence, the guy did say he was gonna

blow everyone away.

Yes, he was going to blow them

away with his beautiful singing voice.

Ugulus was going to bring the Gigachron to

Lord Benevola's birthday party

and finally end their silly feud.

Okay, but I mean, you can see

how I might have misinterpreted that.

The guy was an insane, disgusting 30-ton monster,

for God's sake. Whoa! So we're fat shaming him now?

No, no, I did... That's not...

So you just go around killing every fat person you see.

People like you make me sick.

Can I say that I just hired this guy, like, a week ago,

and he does not represent the values of my business.

Okay, clearly... I owe everyone a huge apology.

I realise now that I have a huge amount of work to do on myself,

and I appreciate all of your support on that journey.

I am a work in progress.

[ Whispering ] Did that work?

Kill them. [ Weapons powering up ]

Ma'am, we found this holodex at Mr. Sleeze's tank.

Hello, friends.

If you're seeing this, then I'm already dead.

Reunited with my beautiful wife, Janine.

Aw, man. Dead wife.

In these polarised times, with everyone's squabbling

over who's right and who's wrong,

we must remember that we're all human.

We must forgive and rebuild.

Namaste. Woman: Namaste.

He's right.

You two are free to go.

It's what Ugulus would have wanted.

Oh. Yeah. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

I just... Can I say for the record as well

my favourite uncle struggled with weight issues

his whole life.

Get out of here! Okay.

Sid, you've done enough harm for one day.

Let's go. Okay.

Linda Sherman!

Again with the door.

You had the gall to challenge me in battle.

I declare...

defeat. [ Gasps ]

I was a fool to believe I could challenge a ruler

as omnipotent as you.

Shame, 'cause I actually kind of like helping the community.

But that's all in the past now,

and you must chop my head off.

Oh.

No, we don't kill you if you lose.

Huh? No, in fact, the person who wins second place

automatically becomes vice president.

I mean, that is if you want it.

Oh. Uh, well, I hadn't considered that.

I mean... I suppose I could be... vice president.

If that's how it works? Yep. Hmm.

Thank you, Linda. You are a merciful god.

My children's children will sing songs of your greatness.

Thank you. [ Chuckles ]

Freya: We're planning so much cool stuff for the neighbourhood.

Every Sunday, we're turning the Battledome

into a farmer's market.

Oh, and at the end of the month

we're hosting a huge blood orgy.

My idea.

How is this possible?

My infallible leader destroyed,

my entire sense of reality shattered.

Do I even exist?

Are we all but shadows dancing upon a cave wall?

Aww, cheer up, boy.

Hey. Hey.

Truth is...

this is all a part of my secret plan to take over the town.

It is? [ Chuckles ]

First, I have befriend the neighbours,

helping them with their issues, offering a shoulder to lean on.

Then, after many years of earning their trust and respect,

right when they least expect it, the HOA will be mine!

[ Both laughing evilly ]

Oh, hey, Frey-Frey.

The girls are coming over later for wine o'clock

if you want to join.

Yes, bitch. You know it, girl.

[ Laughs ] Okay, bitch!

Um...

wine o'clock is also part of the plan.

[ Snickers ]

Truly wicked. I know.

Thanks for the ride home, and I'm really sorry again

about ruining your big deal and killing that guy.

Yeah, it's fine.

I wouldn't be much of a mentor if I gave up on you

after your first mistake.

You're still my golden boy.

Thank you.

Besides, at least today wasn't a total bust. Check this out.

I stole it from Ugulus's nightstand

while the guards were fishing out his dead body.

That's... That's really bad.

Well, who's to say?

What if I told you I was going to sell the watch

to buy more drugs?

That makes it much worse.

Eh, who's to say?

Well, if you'll excuse me,

I have some important... business to attend to.

Hi. I missed you. Hey.

Did you have a good day at work?

I don't know that the words good and bad

have any meaning for me anymore.

I did make money, though.

??

How was your day, Freya? It was good. Thanks for asking.

??

??

? Don't go chasing waterfalls ?

? Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to ?

? I know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all ?

? But I think you're moving too fast ?

??

? I seen a rainbow yesterday, but too many storms ?

? Have come and gone, leaving a trace of not one God-given ray ?

? Is it because my life is 10 shades of grey, I pray ?

? All 10 fade away, seldom praise Him for the sunny days ?

? And like His promise is true, only my faith can undo ?

? The many chances I blew to bring my life to anew ?

? Clear blue and unconditional skies ?

? Have dried the tears from my eyes, no more lonely cries ?

? Don't go chasing waterfalls ?

? Please stick to the rivers... ?

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