All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S04E10.Left.Back.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS

- Well, first of all,

Michael and geoffrey
are so cute.

- [laughing]
thank you.

- They're very friendly
and helpful

And all the kids love them,
I love them.

- Well, thank you.

- They are very special,

And they're so excited
about doing a comedy routine

At the winter concert.

It's so cute!

You must be very proud.
- Oh, yeah.

- Winter concert?

- Yeah, ray.
You know about that.

- Oh, yeah,
I know about that.

I just can't believe
it's winter already.

- He's been practicing
their routine with them.

He's this totally
involved dad, you know?

- Yeah, and if you need any help

Telling them apart,
I'm your guy.

- Well, actually,
it's gotten easier.

But there are some
differences.

- Yeah, you start seeing
it around the eyes, right?

- Sure, that, and then there
are some other diff--

Well, let's see.
Um...

These are the pre-k
assessment forms,

And here are some numbers,

And they both
know their numbers,

But they each
got the nine wrong.

They said it was a six.

That's a common error.

- But, you know,
I guess,

If you showed it
to them like this, right?

I mean,
it could've been upside down.

- Uh, no.
We show it to them like this.

- Oh.
- But don't worry, it's a--

- Common.
It's a common error.

- And, uh,
well, here are some letters,

And they both know
all their letters.

- Well, I do that
with them every day.

[singing] a, b, c, d--

Well, you know that song.
[laughing]

- You okay?

- Something bad
is coming.

Am I right?

- No, no, not at all.

Let's just, um--
oh, here.

This is a test
where the child is asked

To cut with scissors
on the line.

So, here's geoffrey.

- Yeah,
that's pretty good there.

- Yeah.
Mm-hmm.

And michael.

- Michael just needs to work
on this skill a little.

- A little?
What, did he chew the paper?

- Michael just doesn't know

How to hold
the scissors properly,

And he seems
a little reluctant to try.

- So why do you
think that is?

- Is he stupid?
You should tell us.

- No, no.
Not at all.

This kind of thing is just
a sign of slight immaturity,

That's all.

And michael might be
just a little young for his age.

- But they're supposed
to be identical.

Was that it?
Is it just the scissor thing?

- Well, see, here's some shapes,
where they draw shapes.

So, here's geoffrey.

And here's michael.

And let's see...

And then they were supposed
to draw pictures of themselves.

So here's geoffrey.

Here's michael.

At first he
didn't want to draw,

But then I talked him
through it

And just lacks
a little detail.

- That's a nose?
What the hell?

- You know, um,

Boys are just a little slower
to develop than girls.

- But geoffrey's developing
on schedule.

Oh, boy.
My father's gonna love that.

- What?

Shut up.

- Excuse me?
- Nothing.

My father thinks
that geoffrey has

Homosexual tendencies.

But, look,

Don't worry about
what he thinks.

He's still not sure about me.
[chuckling]

- Well, in my opinion,

Michael's only slightly
behind the other children,

And I'm sure he'll be fine
to move on to kindergarten.

- But there's
a question?

- Oh. Well, not with me,

But the kindergarten teacher,
rita, will come down

And make her own evaluation.

- So michael
might have to stay in preschool

For one more year.

- It--it happens sometimes.

And it's better if it
happens in preschool

Because there's no shame
in repeating at this age.

- Sure.
Right.

But this
kindergarten lady, rita,

She'll make the call?

- Yes.

- Is she tough?

- Um, what do you mean?

- You know.

[grunts]

You really got
to leave him back?

I mean, what about
that other kid I saw,

The one licking
the blackboard?

- Ray, it's not
a competition.

You know,
my biggest concern

Is splitting up the boys,
because they're so close.

- Well, I thought of that,
and, you know,

If it comes down to it,

They could both stay
in pre-k one more term.

Again, they're on
the younger side,

And moving forward
at this age isn't crucial.

- I don't know.
Maybe that would be best.

I--what
do you think?

- Is the board-licker
moving up?

[chilling music]

They're coming!

[beethoven's ode to joy playing]

[fire flaring]

[beethoven's ode to joy playing]

- Michael, like this.
Like this.

Come on.
Like this.

- I can't.

- Uh, you--
don't give up, you--

- How's it going?

- Shh.
Yes.

You can, michael.
You can--there you go, see?

Now you're holding it.
That's it.

There, you're holding it.

Okay now, now let's cut.

- I don't want to.

- Well, sure, you do.

This is gonna help you
get a good job some day.

Come on.

And let me tell you something,

All the millionaires
know how to cut paper.

- Okay, just cut
a straight line.

Go ahead. Go ahead.
Cut.

But no, straight--

Go straight.
Go straight.

Go straight, mike!
Stop--slow down. Stop.

Go straight across, okay?

No...No, no, no!

- Okay,
hey, hey, hey,

Maybe--maybe
this isn't a good idea.

- No, but he
doesn't cut--

No!
- It's okay, ray.

It's okay.
- No!

- I think it's better
if he doesn't associate

Cutting paper with you
foaming at the mouth.

Why don't you just help him
with his comedy routine?

- Yeah, yeah.
Great, great, great.

That's a future.
"hey, hey, funny boys!

"put on these chicken heads
and hand out these coupons.

"don't worry, michael,

We cut them out
for you already."

- Hey.
- Hey, robert.

- All right, mike...

Go upstairs and--
here, practice cutting.

Take the scissors.
Go. Run.

- No, don't run!
Don't run!

Idiot.

- This is how michael
cuts paper.

- So we hate him now?

- He just needs to work on
his fine motor skills a little.

They're thinking
of keeping him in pre-k

One more year.

- Really?

Interesting.

- Why? Why is that
interesting?

- Oh, nothing.

- You got
any doughnuts?

- Don't give him any!
He already had two!

I still have coffee left!

You refilled that coffee so
you could have more doughnuts!

- So she ate them!

- That's right, because
two doughnuts are enough.

- Well, how many
did you have?

- Why do you change
the subject?

- All right, wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.

I know what to do.
I know what to do.

Get out!

- What's the matter, dear?

- Michael might get
left back in preschool.

- What?

- Oh, interesting.

- What?
What's so interesting?

- What,
is he stupid?

- Nobody's stupid,
frank.

Michael's a little young
for the class,

And besides,
girls mature faster than boys.

- Oh, so I guess
geoffrey's fine, then.

- Yeah. All right.

- Stop it, frank.

Raymond's upset.

It's okay, dear.
It's just preschool.

- That's what I told him.

And if he has to stay,
geoffrey will stay with him.

- Oh, that's good.
- No, no, no!

- Why not, frank?

- Law of nature.

You get left behind,
you get eaten.

You're too soft
on the kids.

You got to push them.
Push them forward.

Just keep pushing them!

- Until when, frank?

- Until they cry.

That's nature's way
of letting you know

You've pushed enough.

- Here's a man
they let have two children.

- Raymond, don't worry
about the boys.

They're beautiful,
sweet boys.

They're gonna fly away
soon enough.

- Yeah, all right,
ma, look,

I want them to move up
to kindergarten

And be with the other children.

- Other children
are overrated.

But it won't hurt
michael and geoffrey

To stay little
one more year.

You know, that's what
I did with you.

- What?

- It's funny.

[laughing]

I never told you this,

But when you
were the twins' age--

Do you remember nursery school,
used to be on jay street

With the pretty
yellow flowers out front?

Well, you and I would
walk there and back together

Every morning.

And you were so cute
holding my hand.

So when it came time
for you to go to kindergarten,

Which was crosstown
with a bus,

I decided it
would be nice for everybody

If you stayed in preschool
one more year.

- You left me back?

- Left back for love.

- That, and you were slow.

I remember
you couldn't even cut paper.

- Hee hee!

- Frank!
- Wait.

What?

What was wrong with me?

- Nothing, sweetie.

You were just
a little young, too.

So you stayed there
one more year,

And we got to walk
by the yellow flowers some more.

- Th-that's why I was always
the oldest in my class.

- Yellow flowers.

- You knew?
- No.

- Yes, you--
of course you did!

That's what was so interesting.

- Okay, I knew.

- Well, why didn't you tell me?
- I don't know.

- You tell your brother this!
- I couldn't!

- Why?
- Because.

- Because why?
- Because I felt sorry for you!

- You felt sorry for me?

You felt sorry for me?

- Ray, it was just
pre--

- Gah!

- I was just--
- gah!

- Oh--
- ee--no!

- Maybe I should've waited
another year to tell him.

- Deb.

Deb.

- Ow!

Hey!

- What's up?

- What are you doing?

- Am I stupid?

- If this is your new way
of asking for sex, then yes.

- Come on, don't you see?

That's what I passed on
to michael.

That's my legacy.

- No, no, no.
- The dumbness.

-You've passed on other things.

Your lack of tushie.

- Ha.
Yeah, very funny.

You have a stupid kid,
you don't even care.

- He is not stupid.

- Then why isn't he
the same as geoffrey?

You can't even get good twins
anymore.

- Well, why don't you
think of it this way, okay?

Michael is the way
the twins should be,

And geoffrey is exceptional.

- Geoffrey's your favorite.

- You're kidding now, right?
- Admit it.

You've always liked
geoffrey better,

And that's why
michael's goofy.

- Good night.

Maybe if you were around
a little more,

Michael could cut paper.

- Aha!

I knew it was right there
under the surface, right.

So I should go to work
and raise the kids, all right.

It should be all me.

Yeah,
and what do you do all day--

I'm sorry.

- Excuse me?
- I'm sorry.

- That's right, you're sorry.

- That's right, I'm sorry!

- Yeah.

- I--look, I just--

I want the kids
to be just like everybody else.

- They are.
- No.

No, they should--
they should move up

And go to kindergarten
and be with their friends

And keep up
with the board-lickers.

And how about this?
What--what if--

What if one day geoffrey
finds out

That he's the smarter one?

He'll never let michael
live it down.

He'll gloat.

Just like robert's
gonna do to me now.

He's gonna gloat.

He's gonna gloat
all over me.

- Ray, it's preschool,

And if they have to stay behind,

It'll be because that's
what's best for them, right?

Isn't the most important thing
that they're healthy and happy?

- You don't care about
either one of them, do you?

- All right, good news!

I went down to that school
and had a little visit

With the kindergarten broad.

- What?

- That's right,
I schmoozed her.

Hey, she's a human being.

And a woman.

- Oh, no.

- And being a woman,
she's a sucker for the old

"look how many photos
of the children

Grandpa has in his wallet" bit.

[in a high-pitched voice]
"oh, look! They're so adorable!

"and what a charming grandpa!

And what a distinguished-looking
forehead!"

- She said that?

- I paraphrase.

Anyway, the real reason
for the bit is

To accidentally allow a peek at
the wallet being extra full.

- Oh, god.
- Oh, no.

- [chuckles]

- Now, she didn't give me
a definite answer about mikey,

But I saw her eyes light up.

You know, those teachers
don't make squat.

[chucking]

- I don't--I always told you
we should have a trapdoor

Right there.

- What, now you're mad?

I don't get you two.

I'm thinking of the kid!

You know, we thought that
leaving little raymond back

Didn't hurt him any,
but who the crap knows?

You could've been a year
ahead in your life right now.

That car you're saving up for?

You could be driving that today.

You could've bought the house
a year sooner,

Met debra a year sooner,

Had the kids a year sooner,

Which, if you did, by the way,

Would put michael
right on track,

And we wouldn't have to have
this conversation!

- All right,
just hold it, frank.

Do you want to help the kids?

Why don't you start by setting
a decent moral example?

None of this matters!
Do you understand?

They are four.

We just want them
to be healthy and happy!

- Good luck on that one.

- That's where you get it from.

- That's great,
I'm gonna be stupid and bald.

- Hey, chuckleheads,
let's go, make the beds!

Come on, isn't today
the big winter concert gig?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, you're excited, right?

So let's move like
little excited people.

- Ray?

- What?
- Come here.

I got the call
from the principal.

- What, about them?

- Yeah.

They think that michael

Should stay in preschool
another year.

- Oh...

So then geoffrey, too?

- Mm.

- Yeah.

- [sighs]

- So then...

That's okay, right?

I mean, that's what we said,

Happy and healthy.

We still want that?

- Yeah.

- Um.
- Yeah.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

I just thought you'd be upset.

- No, I'm, you know,
I'm--I'm good.

- Good.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, they'll be fine.

- Yeah, they'll be together.

- Yeah, no, it's--it's good.
It's good.

Okay.

All right, you guys, come on,

You're the big comedy stars
today.

- Look, daddy,
I made my bed.

- Yeah, geoffrey,
you did a good job.

Mikey, you're doing it there.

Good.

Hey, mike.

Come here.

You like your school?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

You like sarah, your teacher?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, me too.

H-how would you like to stay
in her class next year?

- Okay.

- Yeah?
Good.

Okay, I'll tell you what,

If you want to, you can, okay?

- Okay.
- Good.

Good.

- Do I have to cut paper now?

- No.
No.

No.

Unless you want to.

- No.

Look, I have pants like daddy.

- Hm.

Yeah, how about that?

Just like daddy.

Come here.

All: [singing]
jingle bells, jingle bells

Jingle all the way

Oh, what fun it is to ride

In a one-horse open sleigh

[applause]

- Thanks, everybody.

And now for
a very special treat:

The comedy team
of michael and geoffrey barone!

[applause]

- Hello, michael,
I just flew in from cleveland.

- And your arms are very tired!

[laughter and applause]

You know, I've been swimming
since I was three.

- And your arms are very tired.

[laughter and applause]

If you're american
in the living room,

What are you
in the bathroom?

- You're a-peein'!

[laughter and applause]

- That one was mine.

- Hey.
- Hey, what's up?

- Yeah, well, you know,
I got that garden

Growing on my terrace
over my apartment,

And I thought I'd bring you guys
some plants.

- Really?
All right, good.

- Yeah.

I know how much you love these.

Enjoy.