Original subtitles

Tomibiki Shopping District

End of Year Sale

There've been a lot of oxcarts coming through here lately...

We still haven't arrived?

Rest assured. We will be there by lunchtime.

I am quite bored.

Can't you find something to entertain me?

Please just bear with it. We're supposed to be traveling incognito.

Did you hear that?

I don't think they know what "incognito" means.

Darling! How do people on Earth celebrate New Year's?

Hm. We just stay at home, I guess.

I mean, how can we be motivated to do anything when it's cold out and stuff?

So, you don't do anything at all?

Why don't you use that time to visit home, Lum?

That might be a good idea.

FOOMF

It smells like a lovely bouquet of flowers.

This handkerchief must belong to a total cutie!

This way!

Where are you off to?

Your son made it into one of those prestigious schools, didn't he?

That's right! It's a dream come true.

Excuse me, pretty lady!

Oh, it's Ataru.

Sup dude?

You dropped your handkerchief!

Why thank you.

Listen to that voice!

There's no doubt in my mind it belongs to a stunning beauty!

Could you come around to the front?

Sure!

Hey! Keep your distance!

It's all right.

Please let me see your face, miss!

Would you mind lending me your hand first?

Sure thing!

SLOOP...

SLOOP...

It's a monster!

WAAAH!

Darling! Wait for me!

Mistress, please no...

Ah, ah, oheo, ah, eh, ah, eh, oh

Ah, ah, oheo, ah, eh, ah, eh, oh

Hey, you over there

Are you... not interested in me? Oh, okay

Then whatever

Forget it. Wait no, actually please don't...

Ah, I just don't understand

I'm crushing on you super hard

But it's so frustrating that you don't notice it

Huh, seriously?

Nobody told you? You didn't know?

And you're saying it's a problem that I want to know all about you?

How am I supposed to respond to that?

It doesn't even make sense!

"Totally inexplicable", "Beyond bizarre"

"What's so great about him?" People give me that all the time

But they don't need to understand

I'm just full, full of love that pulls me and I can't stop

Ah, ah, oheo, ah, eh, ah, eh, oh

I don't get it, what is this?

How can I even explain it?

Ah, ah, oheo, ah, eh, ah, eh, oh

Anyway, just promise to only have eyes for me!

Ah, ah, oheo, ah, eh, ah, eh, oh

Your heart is forbidden from wandering

For even a moment, for even a second

I want to be excited

So please stay with me

Did you see what happened this morning?!

A monster reared its ugly head in broad daylight!

Your stupidity never ceases.

There really was a monster, though!

That's plain ridiculous.

I'm telling the truth! I saw it with my own two eyes!

You guys saw it too, right?

Oh totally! It was skeleton woman!

Yeah, she emerged from an oxcart

that was being pulled by these dudes clad in black!

Clad in black?

It might be her...

JABBER

Hey lunch lady! I need two cream rolls and three yakisoba sandwiches!

Give me two anpan rolls! That's two anpan rolls!

Pardon me, coming through.

Huh?! Wh-what the heck?

Please open up a path.

Thank you, pardon us.

Cripes!

CLASS 2-4

Seeing that stupid monster this morning has totally ruined my appetite.

GOBBLE

But you're totally stuffing your face, dude.

Sorry to interrupt your lunch, kids.

What's the deal with those guys?

Of course. I figured it was you.

Oh my. How did you know that I would be coming here?

MENDO! WHO IS THIS CUTIE?!

AND HOW DO YOU KNOW HER?!

She's so pretty...

I just love her kimono.

If you must know...

we are engaged.

You have got to be kidding me!

Mendo! Are you really engaged to her?!

Jerk! You've been leading us on the whole time!

H-h-h-hold on!

How dare you play with our hearts like that!

Just calm down! How dare you play with our hearts like that!

How dare you play with our hearts like that!

Stop it! Hear me out!

RABBLE

Let's get out of here, miss.

That lamewad will ruin your life if you stay with him.

Quit it! You can't go around seducing other people's fiancées like that!

You're the boy from this morning.

Huh?

Look. It's me!

GAWOMP

FLUMP

Ugh.

Curse you, Ryoko...!

FLUMP

Oh dear. What seems to be the problem?

ALL OF YOUR CRAZY TALK IS CAUSING CHAOS!

RABBLE

I sincerely apologize.

You're the same as always, Brother. So popular with the ladies.

Naturally.

Did she say "brother"?

That's right! She's actually my prank-loving little sister!

No freakin' way.

She's too pretty to be a Mendo!

Maybe they're not related by blood...

WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!

Mendo Siblings!!

Anyway, Ryoko, aren't you supposed to be in school?

What are you doing here?

I came to deliver your lunchbox.

Here, eat up.

Hold on.

I already have a lunchbox for today.

That's impossible!

You forgot your lunch at home, didn't you?

When did that happen?

It was on Monday.

Today's Friday, you know.

Let me get this straight.

That lunchbox is from four days ago?!

You've got that right!

The ox is a slow and steady animal, after all.

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND DELIVERS LUNCH VIA OXCART?!

Go on. Please take a look.

It's fresh sashimi.

Raw urchin, raw oyster, and raw snow crab.

You must hurry and dig in! They're all things that spoil quickly!

They're already rotten!

Here, open wide.

Apologies, but I'm full right now.

How could you, Brother!

SPLAT

SPLAT

SPLAT

SPLAT

I took time off school!

And rode in a bumpy oxcart for five days!

And now you're telling me...

all of that effort was for naught?!

SHOCK

Dude, you made her cry.

Oh come on! Perk up!

You're such a big meanie, Brother!

Ryoko...

BLAH!

After all that work I did... sniffle, sniffle!

You poor thing.

Let me eat that lunch for you.

Will you really?

Don't, Ataru! It's not even edible anymore!

It's gonna give you food poisoning!

Whatever! Let me go!

I'm doing this for Ryoko!

Oh my! How wonderful!

Lum! Stay outta this!

Let me feed it to you.

Here, darling. Say ah.

"Darling"?

A wife is always happy to help her hubby eat his food!

Oh dear.

Why don't you let me be the one to feed you?

I was the one who brought it, after all.

Just mind your own business, missy!

I could say the same!

Stop with your meddlesome antics this instant!

Ryoko. Stay away from Moroboshi.

Silence, you.

That's not the kind of tone you take with your brother, young lady!

Oh please. You couldn't even eat the lunch that I brought you!

Meanwhile, this fine gentleman here...

The name's Ataru Moroboshi!

I'm so impressed with his sincerity!

I'm just desperate for love, babe.

I WON'T STAND FOR YOU BEING INVOLVED WITH MOROBOSHI!

Whatever! I'm not listening to you!

This is a problem between me and the lady here!

I ask that you keep your nose out of it!

Okay, Brother?

D-d-don't you dare start calling me "brother", dammit!

Darling! You're dealing with the daughter of the Mendo family!

What's the big deal?

NO! NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Moroboshi! You're an uncultured swine! From a family of commoners!

There's no way on earth I would leave my precious sister in your dimwitted hands!

Jeez, is this a roast or what?

Enough! No more of your obnoxious fussing!

Teach him a lesson, boys!

Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho!

Hey! What are you doing?!

No!

Wah! It's dark! It's cramped! I'm scared!

BAM

It's dark! It's cramped! I'm scared!

BAM

Come on! Open up! You jerks!

Sorry, Brother.

But you know my servants are 100% loyal to me and me alone.

Wah! It's dark! It's cramped! I'm scared!

BAM

It's dark! It's cramped! I'm scared!

It's dark! It's cramped! I'm scared!

Dark! Cramped! Wah! Let me out!

So dark! So cramped! I'm scared!

Whoa, Mendo is...

totally nyctophobic!

And claustrophobic to boot!

What a loser!

Mendo is the perfect guy.

I feel my maternal instincts kicking in!

I want to keep him safe and sound!

He's so dreamy!

Miss Ryoko.

You and I are just like Romeo and Juliet.

Oh, what a lovely thought, Master Moroboshi.

Darling...! Miss Ryoko!

Darling...!

Please sneak into our estate to visit me soon.

You bet!

NOT HAPPENING!

SMUSH

Brother, haven't you interfered enough?!

You just don't understand how awful Moroboshi really is!

I'm a nice guy, by the way.

Are you okay, Master Moroboshi?

This isn't enough to keep me down.

Moroboshi, you bastard!

I dare you to step even one foot on the Mendo estate!

I'll crush you like a bug!

You're welcome to try!

I'll be paying you a visit right after the commercial break!

Yay! This will keep me from being bored for a while!

Open the gate!

Welcome, sir! And Happy New Year!

Moroboshi, what are you doing here?

I didn't invite you to our New Year's party.

Well, I'm here cuz Ryoko invited me!

I'm not letting you lay even a finger on my sister!

Let's just bury the hatchet and have fun, Brother!

Stop calling me that!

Darling!

Happy New Year to you!

Lum? I thought you left to visit home.

Well, I got invited to this New Year's Party.

Do I look good in a kimono?

You look absolutely fantastic.

Back off.

Get over here and look at my outfit, mister!

Hey, Lum!

Why hello there, Benten! And Lady Oyuki!

KERSMACK

Your husband never changes, I swear.

What brings you two all the way here?

We went to your house to extend our well wishes for the new year,

and they told us to find you here.

Greetings, ladies. Let me personally invite you to our New Year's party.

Really? Is that okay?

Beautiful women such as yourselves are more than welcome.

Like they say, the more the merrier!

A Strange New Year at the Mendo Estate

Man alive, this place is needlessly huge.

It makes me feel like an ant...

The main house is actually elsewhere.

This area is basically just my room.

Oh, the escalator is coming up soon. Please watch your feet.

Young Master. We have been awaiting you.

Right.

Where's Ryoko?

I'm not obligated to answer that!

Hype, hype!

I'm curious to see what a New Year's party is like.

Ryoko, baby!

Cut it out.

It's a relief to know that you've brought such energetic friends, sir.

Right this way. Please come inside.

Yo. What are we about to get into?

I don't know. All I can tell you is Ryoko has been

enthusiastically preparing for this party today.

Hello everyone!

Happy new year to you all!

I look forward to spending another joyous year together!

Ryoko!

Hey Ryoko! Happy new year, baby!

Thank you for attending the Mendo's annual new year party.

An osechi meal has been prepared and is waiting for you in the party room inside.

I'll be right there!

Without further ado, please proceed inside.

Everyone has gone inside.

I'm certain that this will be an especially entertaining New Year's party.

What's the meaning of these arrows?

I thought you would know.

I have no idea what goes through Ryoko's head.

Please sit on the cushion

of your choice

"Please sit on the cushion of your choice."

That's easy enough.

Skill

Darling?!

Miss Benten!

What is this all about?

Sorry. I'm afraid I don't have any idea...

What's that sound?

A conveyer belt?

I gotta say, these Earth customs of yours are totally bizarre.

Forget that! We're all alone now, baby!

Get off me!

Can anybody hear me?

Darling! Benten!

They're not moving away from the room at all.

We have no choice. Do it.

What the?

Holy crap! Wh-what the hell!

Why is there a g-g-giant wall of needles?!

Thank you.

Jeez! What's up with this party?!

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle...

SHUFFLE

Who goes there?!

SHUFFLE

Benten, baby! Are you okay?

Argh! Hands off!

Huh? This is...

Aw dammit. We're all the way back at the entrance!

That's right. Now please proceed following the arrows on the floor.

Huh?!

We're doing it again? What's the point of that?

Those are the rules of the house.

This is stupid!

I'm gonna go whichever way I damn please!

Hey! Wait for me, Benten!

Huh?

What the hell?! Let me outta here!

FAILURE

Hey, Benten!

Where'd she get off to?

Where are you?

Say something, Benten!

Is this where I go next?

What are you guys doing?

How wonderful of you to join us, good sir!

The hell is that thing?!

My grandfather.

Here, have a cup of tea.

Cool, now where are the snacks?

It doesn't look very tasty to me...

It's so bitter.

Such a strange flavor.

What kind of tea is this?

Is your body starting to feel tingly?

Huh?

Because I laced it with some anesthetic!

Hah! You fell for it, hook, line, and sinker!

I really wanna get out of this room.

A-are you not effected?

I feel totally fine.

Probably cuz you're an alien...

That was Ryoko who just passed by!

Hey, Ryoko!

Let's go somewhere private and throw our own New Year's party!

Why you!

Quick jumping around like a monkey when you're supposed to be paralyzed!

Ryoko, honey!

KERSPLOOSH

What are you doing?

Darling!

Change of clothes! Change of clothes!

Where do you think you're taking him?!

You have to come this way, miss.

In here. Please have a seat.

Sakura and...

Eat

Rei?!

Eat

Hey.

What are you two doing?

Now that our competitors are here, it's time to start the mochi eating contest!

Huh?

Ready? Go!

You two are so fast...

BOIYOYOING

What the heck is going on?!

Oh jeez! This outfit is so hard to move in.

Aw yeah! Got him!

Way to go! The hell is your problem?!

Oh. Hello, father.

Thanks for having me.

Please make yourself at home.

FLIP

Haha! You big sucker! You fell for it!

F-Father! What is this about?!

Come on, Shutaro. Just let yourself cry.

We all know that you're incredibly nyctophobic and claustrophobic.

N-n-no I'm not!

S-see? I'm totally fine!

Oh, but, actually I alread-

FLIP

Father! Please stop with this random nonsense!

Flip.

Waaah! It's dark! It's cramped! I'm scared!

Yay! He's nothing but a scaredy-cat without a girl around! It's dark! It's cramped! I'm scared!

FLIP

Listen, Mendo. I already know abo-

F-funny, huh! That was just me joking around!

Yeah, right!

Liar! You're a big chicken afraid of the dark and tight spaces!

Flip.

H-hey. Let me out of here.

Come on, let's go.

Okay.

What is happening? This house is totally bonkers!

Oh, father! You rolled a three!

One, two, three.

"Chased by a wild beast and forced to go back four spaces", eh?

Pardon us, Young Master.

What are you putting on me?

Beef bowl...

One, two, three, four.

"Stopped at a cow crossing, skip one turn."

Get outta the way already, jeez!

MOO

MOO

One, two, three.

Money

Lady Oyuki! Are you all right?

Yes. But it has been quite hectic.

To show my appreciation for your attendance today,

I would like you to have one of these winning tickets.

"Powerball ticket"...

Powerball

Ticket

Powerball

Ticket

Whoa! This is a lottery with a massive jackpot! Hell yeah!

How much did I get?

Wow! One hundred thousand!

Mine is two hundred thousand.

Why does is say "kilogram"...?

It's not New Year's without a ball drop!

That could've killed us!

Pardon me, but I heard the prize for "powerball" is supposed to be money.

Well, this was a "powerful ball drop", which is a funny New Year's pun I made.

But it's supposed to be money.

Like I said, this was all just set up for a joke I was making...

But it's supposed to be money.

Uh... what?

It's supposed to be money.

This is so disappointing, I got my hopes up for nothing.

Maybe you guys didn't know, but Oyuki is really fussy about money...

I'm back at the entrance?!

Glaaaaare.

Eat

Whew. We finally made it to the party room...

Greetings, everyone. Thanks for all your hard work today.

Ryoko, my sweet!

Please wait here for a moment.

Huh?

A button?

Ryoko, what did you just do?

No, no, no!

What the hell is going on?!

Oh craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!

Who leaves a space like this right before the end?

I must say, this is quite tragic...

Make like fireworks

and go out with a bang

TAMAYAAAA!

BENTEN, BABYYYY!

Beautiful...

VERY

HAPPY

NEW

YEAR

I can already tell it's going to be a wonderful year.

Up the tempo of the frequency for shocking electricity!

I wonder if you also have some sad memories that you want to forget?

Even unrelatable movies make me cry due to the lack of dramatic moments between us

All I ever think about is absurd and silly things like that

Once the rain stops, love and this side view will belong to someone else

This foundation of total lies was all built just for tonight

But what in the world, how on earth, why the hell?

How far can we go with this flickering lantern?

You just threw away the whole kit and caboodle

You've got to be kidding me!

Tokyo Shandy Rendezvous

Nothing can be done when that moment arrives

This unclear reality only makes me more melancholy

Come snatch me up and right now, take on me

Tokyo Shandy Rendezvous

Nothing can be done when that moment arrives

This unclear reality only makes me more melancholy

Come snatch me up and right now, take on me, yes

Ten is Here

A Date for Just the Two of Us

On the next episode of Urusei Yatsura.

You're so amazing, Sakura!