Balls of Thunder - Rod Steele 0014 Unrated 1997 DVDrip x264-CG subtitles – 100+ languages (SRT)

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Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CONCORDE-NEW HORIZONS CORPORATION

Woman: OOH!

[MOANING]

Man: SO, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO

IS JUST LAY BACK A LITTLE BIT,

GIVE THE GUYS A CHANCE,

AND MAYBE YOU'LL COME OUT OF IT

IN ONE PIECE.

I'M ONLY GONNA TELL YA ONE MORE TIME:

YOU CAN SELL DRUGS TO FIFTH GRADERS,

BUT DON'T SNATCH ANY KIDS

BELOW THE SEVENTH GRADE.

OUR WHITE SLAVERY CLIENTELE

LIKES GIRLS TO HAVE AT LEAST REACHED PUBERTY.

[DUCK QUACKING]

WHAT?

NO!

GUNS ARE FOR ALL AGES.

NO DISCRIMINATION THERE.

[LAUGHING]

[QUACKING]

"YOUR GOOSE IS COOKED"?

[EXPLOSION]

MY GOD. WHO ARE YOU?

STEELE. ROD STEELE.

DOUBLE-O-14.

I ALWAYS KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME.

THE DAY WHEN YOUR DRUG-DEALING,

WHITE-SLAVING, CHILD-KILLING STEPFATHER

WAS PUT TO SLEEP BY THE SECRET SERVICE?

NO, THAT I WOULD BE SEXUALLY RAVISHED

BY THE WORLD'S GREATEST SECRET AGENT.

WELL, US SECRET AGENTS

ARE ALWAYS UP FOR A CHALLENGE.

WHY DON'T YOU GET OUT OF THOSE WET CLOTHES

AND JOIN ME.

HI-YAH!

[CLANK]

[GRUNTS]

[CHUCKLES]

HI-YAH!

[MOANING]

AAH.

UNH.

WHERE WERE WE?

[GRUNTS]

UNH.

OH.

Man: WAH!

OHHH...

[BONE CRACKS]

HI-YAH!

[MOANING]

[BEEP BEEP] STEELE, THIS IS O.

Rod: I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW.

O: I DON'T CARE. WE NEED YOU.

THERE'S ANOTHER ASSIGNMENT.

BUT I BARELY FINISHED THIS ONE.

I'M NOT GOING TO FEEL SORRY FOR EMPLOYED SECRET AGENT.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PEOPLE

WE'VE LET GO THIS MONTH?

OH! O: WHAT?

OH! O: WHAT? OH!

WHAT?

[MOANING]

[SCREAM ECHOING]

AHH, THAT WAS WONDERFUL.

I SHOULD DO THAT MORE OFTEN.

WHAT ABOUT--

SORRY, MAYBE NEXT TIME, BIG BOY.

O: AND THAT'S ALL I'M GOING TO SAY.

COME RIGHT NOW.

LIKE IT'S THAT EASY.

?? ROD STEELE IS HIS NAME ??

?? AND DEATH IS HIS GAME ??

?? HE'LL KILL AND HE'LL MAIM ??

?? WITH A LAUGH ??

?? AND AFTER A CARAFE ??

?? HE'LL KILL YOUR GIRAFFE ? ?

?? HE'S STEEL THROUGH AND THROUGH YOU WILL FIND ??

?? THAT HE'S LOST HIS MIND ? ?

?? ROD STEELE WILL NOT RUN ? ?

?? HE'S JUST TOO DAMN DUMB ? ?

?? HE'LL STAND UP AND FIGHT ??

?? IF HE CAN ??

?? HE'S DRUNK AS A SKUNK ??

?? A BIG, MANLY HUNK ??

?? THE CLICKER WILL CONQUER THE WORLD ??

?? ROD STEELE IS A MAN ??

?? HIS OWN BIGGEST FAN ??

?? HE LIKES LOVE AND DEATH ? ?

?? BUT DON'T DARE SMELL HIS BREATH ??

?? AND HIS BRAIN'S IN HIS GUN ??

?? AND HE DOES IT FOR FUN ??

?? SO PROTECT YOUR GIRAFFE ? ?

?? FROM ROD STEELE ??

?? ROD STEELE ??

GREAT FAKE FACADE, P.

P: YOU LIKE IT?

HA! UNFORTUNATELY,

THAT'S ALL THE AGENCY COULD AFFORD.

WHAT HAPPENED?

BUDGET CUTS LEFT AND RIGHT.

THEY'VE EVEN CUT OUR HEALTH INSURANCE.

OH, LOOK HERE, STEELE,

THIS AGENCY REALLY NEEDS A GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED,

SAVE-THE-WORLD TYPE OF CASE.

I HAD NO IDEA THINGS WERE SO BAD.

WHERE'S O, P?

THEY'RE NOT PAYING OVERTIME ANYMORE.

HERE'S THE CASE HISTORY,

AND O MADE THIS TAPE FOR YOU.

YOU CAN LISTEN TO IT ON THE PLANE.

WHERE AM I GOING?

PRAGUE.

YOU'RE TRAVELING BY [CLEARS THROAT] COACH.

COACH?

YES. BE GRATEFUL IT'S NOT BY BOAT.

NOW THEN, I'VE, UH,

DESIGNED A FEW GADGETS FOR YOU

THAT MAY COME IN HANDY ON THIS TRIP, EH?

[CHUCKLES]

UH...

TENNIS SHOES.

WHAT DO THEY DO?

THEY COMFORT YOUR FEET.

THEY COME IN VERY HANDY IN CASE YOU HAVE TO RUN.

NOW, DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, STEELE.

I TOLD YOU. WE'VE CUT BACK TO THE BARE ESSENTIALS.

NOW THEN,

THERE'S A TOOTHBRUSH,

AN ALARM CLOCK

IN CASE YOU OVERSLEEP, EH?

OH, AND A FOUNTAIN PEN

THAT SHOOTS INK IF YOU SHAKE IT UP,

SO PLEASE BE CAREFUL.

WELL, WHAT IS IT NOW?

I MISS ALL THE TOYS--

THE GRENADE POOL BALLS,

THE LASER-CUTTING WEDDING RING,

THE ACID-LACED POSTAGE STAMP.

OH, YES. WELL, UH...[LAUGHS]

THIS MIGHT CHEER YOU UP, EH?

WHAT IS IT, A BEEPER?

NO, NO, NO. I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS ON THE SIDE.

SEE, IT'S A COMPACT

SELF-DEFENSE/ SURVEILLANCE SYSTEM.

SEE, THE ANTENNAE WILL PICK UP CONVERSATIONS

AT OVER 100 FEET DISTANCE.

THIS DIAL ON THE FRONT HERE

IS A HEAT-SENSITIVE DIAL.

IT PICKS UP BODY HEAT.

SO, IF YOU'RE CREEPING ABOUT AT NIGHT,

YOU'LL KNOW IF THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE, EH?

NOW, THE KNOB ON THE BACK DROPS A NERVE GAS PELLET.

THE KNOB ON THE SIDE

SHOOTS A DART FROM THE ANTENNAE,

WHICH CAUSES INSTANT PARALYSIS

WHICH LASTS FOR UP TO 3 MINUTES.

YOU'VE OUTDONE YOURSELF, P.

WELL, SOMEBODY HAS TO HELP SOMEBODY

SAVE THE WORLD, EH, ROD?

THERE'S NOTHING BETTER THAN HAVING A GOOD P.

YES--

HMM. WELL,

GOOD-BYE, DOUBLE-O-14.

HOP IN, ROD.

PENNYWORTH?

YOU'RE MY DRIVER?

SOMEBODY HAS TO DRIVE THE CAR BACK FROM THE AIRPORT.

THE AGENCY STOPPED PAYING FOR PARKING.

I'M SURPRISED THEY KEPT YOU ON STAFF.

WELL, ROD, I GIVE GREAT HEAD.

I'M KIDDING.

[CHUCKLES]

I'M KIDDING.

Rod: I KNOW.

I'D LIKE A VODKA MARTINI,

SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED,

WITH A TOUCH OF LEMON

AND ONE GREEN OLIVE ON A WOODEN TOOTHPICK,

PREFERABLY IMPORTED FROM SOMEWHERE IN THE ORIENT.

I--I DON'T THINK OUR TOOTHPICKS

ARE FROM THE ORIENT.

ALL RIGHT.

SKIP THE OLIVE AND GIVE ME

THE LEMON ON THE SIDE.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

PROFESSOR KRANTZ?

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR CALL.

I'VE DECIDED WHAT TO DO WITH THE CLICKER.

I'M TAKING IT BACK HOME WITH ME.

I'M DISMANTLING IT FOR SCIENTIFIC STUDY.

THIS THING IS JUST TOO DANGEROUS

TO BE FLOATING AROUND THE WORLD.

SEX DRIVES ARE SO FRAGILE.

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I AM GREAT IN BED.

I WANT TO KNOW.

WHO'S BEEN SAYING OTHERWISE?

NOBODY, PENNYWORTH.

IT COMES WITH EXPERIENCE.

WHEN YOU'VE BEEN WITH AS MANY WOMEN AS I HAVE,

YOU GET TO KNOW TYPES.

THE NICE GIRL TYPE AND THE NOT-SO-NICE.

OH, AND I'M TOO NICE

TO ENGAGE IN ANY WILD SEXUAL ACTIVITY?

I DON'T KNOW.

BE CAREFUL, ROD.

I COULD SURPRISE YOU ONE OF THESE DAYS.

I'M AFRAID I'M BEYOND THE POINT OF SURPRISE,

MY DEAR MISS PENNYWORTH.

IT COMES WITH THE JOB.

AAH!

CHRIST, I COULD'VE KILLED YOU.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[PANTING]

BARTENDER, BRING ME A TOWEL IMMEDIATELY.

NOT THE TYPE, HUH?

I WISH I WAS THE TYPE.

SHOW HIM A THING OR TWO.

[GROANING]

DR. KRANTZ, I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

UH, BYE.

WHERE'S THE TOWEL?

JUST ONE MOMENT.

WHAT TYPE WOULD YOU SAY I AM?

MY TYPE.

GOOD ANSWER.

DRINKS ARE ON ME.

[PLATE SMASHES]

[MOANING]

[BOTTLES SMASH]

Bartender: OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH.

OH, YEAH.

THAT'S THE SPIRIT, PENNYWORTH.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.

P.A.: THIS IS THE FINAL BOARDING CALL

FOR FLIGHT 007 TO PRAGUE.

PASSENGERS FOR PRAGUE,

PLEASE BOARD NOW.

WELL, I'LL SEE YOU WHEN I GET BACK.

I'LL SHOW HIM PRACTICE.

[BEEP]

[ALARM WAILS]

Rod: FORGOT TO LEAVE MY GARAGE DOOR OPENER AT HOME.

BEVERLY HILLS HOME.

[BEEP]

[ALARM WAILS]

Policeman: I KNOW. A GARAGE DOOR OPENER.

COME ON.

P.A.: ATTENTION, ALL AIRPORT SECURITY.

ANOTHER LITTLE BOY

IS STUCK IN THE X-RAY MACHINE AT GATE 9.

THIRD ONE THIS WEEK.

PERSONALLY, I THINK IT HAS TO DO WITH GENETICS.

I HATE THOSE THINGS.

WITH A NAME LIKE STEELE, YOU GET USED TO IT.

I SEE.

[BEEP]

UNH.

P.A.: FLIGHT 007 IS NOW CLOSED.

FLIGHT 007 IS NOW CLOSED.

Woman: SIR, STOP.

YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE.

I'M SORRY, SIR.

YOU JUST CAN'T GO IN THERE.

THE PLANE HAS ALREADY LEFT.

EXCUSE ME.

THE PLANE THAT JUST LEFT

FROM GATE 8,

WHERE IS IT HEADED?

UH, PRAGUE.

PRAGUE? WELL, UH,

BOOK ME ON THE NEXT FLIGHT TO PRAGUE.

O: WELCOME BACK, STEELE.

NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY.

UNFORTUNATELY, THIS TAPE DOESN'T SELF-DESTRUCT.

THAT STOCK'S GOTTEN WAY TOO EXPENSIVE,

SO IF YOU COULD JUST ERASE THIS TAPE

AND MAIL IT BACK,

THE AGENCY WOULD APPRECIATE IT.

NOW, YOU ARE TO KEEP A CLOSE WATCH ON THIS WOMAN,

MISS TANGERINA.

NO LAST NAME.

DON'T LET HER APPEARANCE FOOL YOU.

SHE'S NICKNAMED "THE SWEET TASTE OF DEATH."

A POWERFUL WOMAN, STEELE,

AND LIKE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE,

THEY WANT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

WE'RE NOT SURE HOW SHE PLANS TO DO IT YET,

SO THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN.

CHECK OUT THE REDLIGHT DISTRICT

WHEN YOU ARRIVE IN PRAGUE.

AGENT 0013

WAS SENT IN THERE UNDERCOVER LAST WEEK,

AND WE'VE ALREADY LOST CONTACT WITH HER.

THE SAFETY OF THE WORLD

LIES IN YOUR HANDS AGAIN, STEELE.

PLEASE DON'T FUCK IT UP.

GOOD EVENING.

ARE YOU IN THE MOOD FOR SOME COMPANY TONIGHT?

NO, JUST SOME COMPANIONSHIP.

YES. WELL, A BIG, HANDSOME MAN LIKE YOU,

I KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE.

SHOW ME.

ARE YOU INSANE, WOMAN?

GIRLS.

I LIKE GIRLS.

BEAUTIFUL GIRLS.

WELL, IT WAS WORTH A SHOT.

YOU SHOULD HAVE COME BY A WEEK AGO

BEFORE THAT DAMN PARTY.

WHAT HAPPENED?

MISS TANGERINA HELD A GATHERING IN CANNES.

HIRED MY GIRLS,

EVERY SINGLE ONE.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AT THAT PARTY,

BUT IT SPOILED THEM.

THEY QUIT.

THEY'RE EMPLOYED BY TANGERINA NOW.

SHE PUT THE ENTIRE REDLIGHT DISTRICT

OUT OF BUSINESS.

NOW I CAN ONLY HIRE MEN,

AND AS YOU CAN SEE,

IT'S NOT GOING VERY WELL.

I BELIEVE THE PROBLEM LIES IN THE GENES.

THAT TANGERINA BITCH.

YOU KNOW, SHE ALREADY HAS CONTROL

OVER THE RESTAURANTS AND THE CASINOS

IN MONTE CARLO.

NOW SHE HAS THE MONOPOLY ON SEX.

WHAT'S A MADAM TO DO?

DIE!

[FIRING AUTOMATIC WEAPON]

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO MADAMS WHO TALK TOO MUCH.

[ALARM CLOCK BEEPING]

TIME'S UP.

[TURNS OFF ALARM CLOCK]

WELL, THANK GOODNESS YOU WERE HERE.

YOU SAVED MY LIFE

WITH THAT ALARM CLOCK.

JUST LUCKILY HAD THE RIGHT TOOL FOR THE JOB.

WELL, I WOULD NEVER HAVE HIRED HER

IF I KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO PULL SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

SHE WORKS FOR YOU?

YES. I HIRED HER LAST WEEK,

BUT THEN SHE QUIT TO WORK FOR TANGERINA,

LIKE ALL THE OTHERS.

WELL, I'D LIKE TO TALK TO HER.

CAN I USE ONE OF YOUR BACK ROOMS?

OF COURSE.

AND I'LL GIVE YOU HALF-PRICE. $200.

BUT I JUST WANT TO TALK TO THE GIRL.

I ALREADY GAVE YOU

SAVED-MY-LIFE DISCOUNT.

YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN.

[ALARM CLOCK BEEPS]

MOMMY, ONE MORE HOUR, PLEASE.

P COMES THROUGH AGAIN.

WHERE AM I?

NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, DOUBLE-O-13.

AND TO SEE SO MUCH OF YOU.

ROD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

STOPPING YOU FROM KILLING INNOCENT PEOPLE.

WOULD YOU CARE TO EXPLAIN WHAT JUST HAPPENED BACK THERE?

WHAT DID I DO?

BEFORE, DURING,

OR AFTER THE GUN-CRAZED SHOOTING SPREE?

I DON'T KNOW. EVERYTHING'S A BLUR SINCE I LEFT TANGERINA'S.

DID TANGERINA SEND YOU HERE TO KILL MADAM GRETA

OR DID YOU JUST REALLY HATE

THE INTERIOR DESIGN OF THIS PLACE?

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T REMEMBER.

CHEAP PAPER CURTAINS,

TACKY PICTURES ON THE WALL,

UGLY VELVETEEN COUCH.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

QUIET.

PRETEND YOU'RE BRAINWASHED.

ROD, I THINK IWASBRAINWASHED.

YOU'VE TALKED ENOUGH.

IT'S MY TURN.

HOW DARE YOU TRY TO KILL ME.

I SHOULD HAVE CALLED THE POLICE A LONG TIME AGO.

I'M SORRY. I HAD NO CONTROL OVER WHAT I WAS DOING.

IT WAS LIKE AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE GOING THROUGH MY SYSTEM.

MEXICAN FOOD.

I MAKE DEAL.

YOU TAKE MY NEXT CLIENT,

AND I WON'T GO TO POLICE.

I-- GOOD. DEAL.

BE NICE. HE'S VERY RICH.

HE WORKS IN THE CASINOS IN MONTE CARLO.

I GET HIM.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

WHEN IN ROME.

WE'RE NOT IN ROME. WE'RE IN A SLEAZY BROTHEL.

LOOK, YOU'VE CALLED TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO US AS IT IS.

TRY TO GET SOME INFORMATION OUT OF THIS GUY

ABOUT THE CASINO.

MEANWHILE, I'LL BE OUTSIDE LISTENING

JUST IN CASE THINGS GET OUT OF HAND.

I KNEW I SHOULD'VE NEVER TAKEN THIS COVER.

I MAKE A TERRIBLE WHORE.

OH, BUT YOU MAKE A FANTASTIC WHORE.

I COULD GO WHORE HUNTING FOR WEEKS

AND NEVER FIND ANYONE AS GOOD AS YOU.

THOSE OTHER SLUTS PALE IN COMPARISON.

BELIEVE ME, BELL,

YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE NUMBER ONE WHORE IN MY BOOK.

FEEL BETTER?

UNH.

OOH. UNH.

YEAH. A ROUGH ONE.

GOOD.

YOU'RE A LUCKY MAN.

GOOD EVENING, FRAULEIN.

HELLO.

NICE TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.

YEAH.

SO, UM, I, UH,

HEAR YOU WORK AT THE CASINO TANGERINA TOWERS.

IT'S THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH.

[CLEARS THROAT]

I THOUGHT THAT WAS WALLY WORLD.

THAT DEPENDS ON YOUR DEFINITION OF HAPPINESS.

UM, LOOK, I HAVE TO TELL YOU,

I-I'M A LITTLE NEW AT THIS.

OH, THAT'S OK. I DO THIS ALL THE TIME.

Man: YEAH.

YEAH, THAT'S THE SPIRIT.

[PUNCH]

Man: YEAH. COME ON.

[PUNCH]

HIT ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT.

THAT I CAN DO.

[ELECTRONIC ZAP]

UNH.

[MOANING]

OH, GOD.

OH. OH.

OH, YEAH.

OH, GOD.

[MOANING]

OH, GOD.

YOU ARE GOOD AT THIS.

IT'S THIS FEELING...

I FEEL...

[GASPING]

OH.

WHAT IS IT YOU FEEL?

OH, I FEEL--

OH, I FEEL LIKE TAKING

THIS SEX DRIVE FOR A SPIN.

Man: YEAH.

[GROANING]

DO IT TO ME,

YOU GORGEOUS GERMAN JACKHAMMER.

TELL ME...

TELL YOU...

WHEN DOES TANGERINA GO TO HER CASINO?

OH. YEAH.

TELL ME.

OOH.

TELL ME.

AAH. 10:00.

ON FRIDAYS.

YEAH.

[MOANING]

Man: OH. YEAH. YEAH. YEAH.

Man: YEAH. YEAH. YEAH.

WAY TO GO, DOUBLE-O-13.

DID YOU PAY MADAM GRETA TO LISTEN?

I'M SORRY. DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?

WE GO SEE MADAM GRETA NOW.

YES.

I WARN YOU,

I KNOW HOW TO USE THIS.

FUCK YOU.

UNH.

EAT THIS, YOU SWEDISH MEATBALL.

[BONES CRACKING]

THANK YOU, MY DEAR.

I OWE YOU ONE.

BELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING?

I'M PUMPING ANSWERS OUT OF HIM.

AMONG OTHER THINGS.

[ELECTRONIC ZAP]

COME ON,

LET'S CHECK INTO A HOTEL.

[SIGHS]

UH, WHAT'S OUR COVER GOING TO BE?

DEFINITELY A HONEYMOON COUPLE.

OK.

[THUNDER]

PUSSY L'AMOUR REPORTING IN, MISTRESS.

YES, MY LITTLE PUSSY. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WELL, WORSHIPPER BELL HAS FAILED IN HER MISSION

TO KILL MADAM GRETA.

DID SHE TALK?

WE THINK SO.

THERE WAS AN AMERICAN THERE ASKING QUESTIONS.

BELL LEFT WITH HIM.

HIS NAME WAS STEELE. ROD STEELE.

YES, MR. STEELE.

SECRET AGENT DOUBLE-0-14. I KNOW HIS WORK.

FIND HIM AND KILL HIM.

ANY METHOD I CHOOSE?

SURE. WHY NOT?

OH, BUT BRING BACK A FULL CONTAINER OF HIM.

HE WOULD MAKE A WONDERFUL ADDITION

TO MY COLLECTION.

DO I HAVE TO BE THE ONE

TO COLLECT HIS SPECIMEN?

NO. TAKE AREOLA AND FANNY,

AND MAYBE DICK'LL COME IN HANDY.

I DON'T NEED ANY DICK.

DON'T FAIL ME, PUSSY.

STRETCH DOES NOT LIKE FAILURES.

[ON TELEPHONE] YES, IT'S FEZ.

I'VE JUST LANDED IN PRAGUE.

I DON'T KNOW.

HIS NAME IS STEELE.

PROBABLY JUST ANOTHER BUSINESSMAN ON A COMPANY TRIP.

DON'T WORRY.

I'LL LOCATE HIM AND GET BACK THE CLICKER.

HE SEEMED LIKE A NICE GUY.

I'M SURE I WON'T HAVE ANY MAJOR PROBLEMS.

THESE SUITS ARE ALL THE SAME.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? [CHUCKLES]

I KNOW WE'RE POSING AS A COUPLE OF HONEYMOONERS,

BUT DID YOU HAVE TO BE SO EXPLICIT

ABOUT MY SEXUAL TASTE TO THE DESK CLERK?

I'M SORRY. I WAS ON A ROLL.

NOW, TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU CAN REMEMBER,

FROM THE BEGINNING.

OK. I CAME HERE TO INVESTIGATE

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF SOME OF THE GIRLS FROM THE BROTHEL,

SO I LANDED A JOB WITH MADAM GRETA,

AND THAT'S WHEN I HEARD ABOUT TANGERINA.

I WENT UP TO HER MANSION IN CANNES

WITH A FEW OF THE OTHER WOMEN.

WE WERE--WE WERE LED INTO A DARK ROOM,

AND THE NEXT THING I REMEMBER,

I WAS WAKING UP BACK IN THE BROTHELS WITH YOU.

SOUNDS LIKE I SHOULD GET INVITED

TO ONE OF TANGERINA'S NEXT PARTIES.

TO FIND OUT HOW SHE'S BRAINWASHING PEOPLE.

WHAT? OH, YES. THAT, TOO.

WELL, FRITZ TOLD ME THAT TANGERINA USUALLY SHOWS UP

AT HER MONTE CARLO CASINO AROUND 10:00 P.M.

WELL, THEN IT'S OFF TO MONTE CARLO.

YOU'D BETTER WASH UP.

I'M GONNA CALL HEADQUARTERS.

I JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY THIS THING DOESN'T WORK.

P'S NEVER LET ME DOWN BEFORE.

YES, I'D LIKE TO MAKE A CALL TO THE STATES, PLEASE.

OH, JUST ONE MOMENT. I HAVE IT HERE.

AH. YES, IT'S 1-900-PROTECT.

HOW MUCH PER MINUTE?!

YES. PUT IT ON MY TAB.

THE NAME IS STEELE. ROD STEELE.

[GERMAN ACCENT] YA, MR. STEELE,

PLEASE WAIT A FEW MINUTES

WHILE I CONNECT YOUR CALL.

ZIS IS INFORMANT SECHZIG NEUN.

I HAVE LOCATED AGENT STEELE.

HE IS IN THE HOTEL SCHLITZ.

ZE HONEYMOON SUITE.

OF COURSE I WILL STAY ON ZE LINE.

[TELEPHONES RINGING]

WHAT CITY, PLEASE?

ALL OF HIS SECRETS VIL SOON BE OURS.

THANK YOU, MY MISTRESS.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES, MR. STEELE.

YOUR CALL IS GOING THROUGH.

STEELE, CAN YOU GET ME SOME MORE SHAMPOO?

I'M ALL OUT IN HERE.

OF COURSE, MY LOVE.

[ELECTRONIC ZAP]

SPELL THAT?

OH.

THAT IS NOT EVEN A CITY.

YES, YOU ARE WELCOME.

OOH. OOH. OH...

JUST HOLD, PLEASE.

[MOANING]

14, HOLD.

[SEVERAL TELEPHONES RINGING] [BUSY SIGNALS BEEPING]

I'M SORRY. COULD YOU PLEASE HOLD THE LINE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

YOU'RE ON DUTY.

NO SEX CALLS DURING WORKING HOURS.

IT'S NOT A SEX CALL.

OH, THAT'S BETTER.

OH, MUCH BETTER. OH.

[ELECTRONIC ZAP] OH!

OPERATOR. MAY I HELP YOU?

OH, MY GOODNESS.

OK. GOOD AFTERNOON. WHAT CITY?

NO, NO. THAT'S JUST A LITTLE STATIC.

WHAT SEX-- I MEAN CITY, SIR.

OH, MY.

[TONE BEEPING]

THIS IS-- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

[TELEPHONES RINGING]

[SEVERAL TELEPHONES RINGING] Man: HELLO?

[PASSIONATE MOANING OVER TELEPHONES]

Second man: HOLD ON. YES.

Woman: YA? HELLO?

HELLO? WHAT DO YOU WANT?

[TONE BEEPING]

[SPEAKING GERMAN]

EXCUSE ME, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET ANY WORK DONE?

[SPEAKING GERMAN]

OK.

[BEEPS] [OPERATOR SPEAKS IN GERMAN]

[PASSIONATE MOANING]

SURE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO HELP YOU SCRUB YOUR BACK?

ROD, YOU CAN SCRUB MY BACK

WHEN YOUR ROD REALLY TURNS TO STEEL, STEELE.

[VOICES ON TELEPHONES] [PASSIONATE MOANING]

[TELEPHONES RINGING] [MOANING OVER PHONE LINES]

Man:��QUI?N ES?

Indian man: HI. YOU HAVE REACHED INDIA.

[SPEAKING INDIAN LANGUAGE]

Man: CHELSEA?

[ELECTRONIC ZAP] OH, WOW!

[MOANING OVER TELEPHONE LINE]

HELLO? HAS MY CALL COME THROUGH YET?

NO, IT HASN'T, BUT I WILL.

TALK DIRTY TO ME.

COME ON, BABY.

TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU WANNA SUCK

MY HARD, SWOLLEN NIPPLES.

TELL ME WHAT A BIG, HARD COCK YOU HAVE.

THAT'S NICE OF YOU TO SAY.

YEAH? WELL, HOW 'BOUT THIS?

NOW I'M FANTASIZING OF YOU PUMPING HARD INSIDE ME.

OH, MY HOT THIGH IS PRESSED AGAINST YOUR EARS.

THAT'S WHAT I CALL CALL WAITING.

UH, IS THIS A NEW SERVICE?

BEATS THE HELL OUT OF MUZAK.

[GASPS] AAH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! AAH! OH...

[TELEPHONE BEEPS]

[TONE BEEPING]

OH, YES!

OH, YEAH. YEAH!

OOH.

OH, YEAH.

[CHUCKLES]

I HOPE YOU'RE ALMOST FINISHED IN THERE.

I THINK I'M GOING TO NEED A COLD SHOWER MYSELF.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

I'M SORRY. YOU'LL HAVE TO CONNECT MY CALL ANOTHER TIME.

Woman, over phone: OH, YES! OOH. OOH.

SO ENTHUSIASTIC.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

WHO IS IT?

Women: MAID SERVICE.

I'M AREOLA.

Both: WE'VE COME TO TURN DOWN YOUR BED.

AND I WAS HOPING YOU'D COME TO ACCEPT.

WELL, COME IN. COME IN.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SHOW YOU HOW TO UNLOCK YOUR BAR?

PLEASE.

IT'S VERY SIMPLE, REALLY.

YOU INSERT AND TURN

UNTIL YOU HEAR A GENTLE POP.

IT'S AMAZING HOW MANY ACTIVITIES

FOLLOW THE SAME RULE.

UHH. UNH!

AAH!

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET SOMETHING OFF YOUR CHEST?

AAH!

WHAT'S THAT?

MY PEN.

WHAT'S IT DO?

COME ANY CLOSER AND YOU'LL FIND OUT.

STEELE, THERE'S NO LATHER IN THE SHAMPOO.

WHO ARE YOU?

THEY CALL ME PUSSY L'AMOUR.

IS THAT TRUE?

THROW ME A FISH AND SEE.

HOLD HIM.

WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO?

GIVING YOU A LITTLE SPERM TEST.

I'M NOT INTO ELECTRONIC TOYS.

YOU WILL BE.

FIRST YOU'LL COME,

THEN YOU'LL GO.

I GET YOUR POINT.

NOW IT'S YOUR TURN.

[ELECTRONIC ZAP]

FINALLY, SOMETHING THAT WORKS.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO LAST 3 MINUTES.

OH! OOH.

[ELECTRONIC ZAP]

KILL HIM!

[ELECTRONIC ZAP]

MMM. EAT ME.

[ELECTRONIC ZAP]

KILL HIM!

[ELECTRONIC ZAP]

OOH. EAT ME.

OOH.

P DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT THIS FUNCTION.

OOH. OH...

[ROD CHUCKLES]

OOH. OH.

Bell: WHAT IS THIS?!

WHO SAID YOU COULD ORDER IN ENTERTAINMENT?

I DIDN'T ORDER THIS.

THEY CAME TO BEAT ME UP AND TAKE MY SPERM.

YOU DISGUST ME.

I'LL BE WAITING IN THE CAR.

NO, NO, NO. WAIT.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

JUST--

LOCK UP WHEN YOU LEAVE.

OOH. OOH.

Rod: BELL, I CAN EXPLAIN.

Man: OK. HOTEL SCHLITZ, DR. FEZ.

Rod: BELL, WOULD YOU LOOK AT ME

WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU?

TANGERINA'S NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY WITH OUR FAILURE.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

YES? COME IN.

OH, I-I'M SORRY.

UH, I'M LOOKING FOR MR. STEELE.

ARE YOU A FRIEND OF HIS?

WELL, MORE OF AN ACQUAINTANCE, ACTUALLY.

YOU SEE, HE GAVE ME THIS--

THIS BOX BY MISTAKE.

AAH!

CONSOLATION PRIZE.

Rod: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

P'S BOX IS MALFUNCTIONING.

IT'S MALFUNCTIONING BEAUTIFULLY, MIND YOU,

BUT IT'S STILL--

Bell: I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR SORDID SEX LIFE.

Bell: AHEM.

THANK YOU, MY GOOD MAN.

THAT BASTARD STOLE MY DRINK!

G-G-GIVE--GIVE ME--

NOW, WHAT'D YOU SAY HER FAVORITE GAME WAS?

7-CARD STUD.

7-CARD STUD IT IS.

ARE YOU ANY GOOD AT 7-CARD STUD, ROD?

BELL, YOU'RE IN THE PRESENCE

OF A CARD PLAYER EXTRAORDINAIRE

WITH SUPERHUMAN SKILL AND KNOWLEDGE

WHEN IT COMES TO GAMES INVOLVING HEARTS,

DIAMONDS, SPADES,

AND THOSE BLACK, CLOVER-SHAPED SYMBOLS

WITH THE ROUNDED EDGES.

OK.

Man: YOU OWE ME 4.50!

Man: RIGHT. [CHUCKLES]

DON'T SHOW YOUR CARDS, SWEETHEART.

[LAUGHS] RELAX, DARLING.

WE'RE ON VACATION.

STOP. WILL YOU PAY ATTENTION, PLEASE?

OH, DON'T BE SO STRANGE.

YOU'RE ALWAYS SO STINGY.

IT'S MY MONEY.

NO, IT'S MY MONEY.

HOW IS IT YOUR MONEY?

BECAUSE IT'S MY MONEY, HONEY.

OH, COME ON. LET'S VACATION.

LET'S HAVE FUN. EXCUSE ME.

YES, YES, YES!

EXCUSE ME. CAN YOU TELL ME WHEN A TABLE

WILL OPEN UP?

CAN'T REALLY SAY, SIR.

SOMETIMES THESE PEOPLE PLAY ALL NIGHT.

THANK YOU.

STEELE STUCK ON STANDBY.

MISS TANGERINA, IT'S DICK.

WHAT IS IT, DICK?

STEELE'S HERE.

TABLE 8.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

I'LL BE OUT IN A MINUTE.

I CAN SENSE 2 OPENINGS

RIGHT STRAIGHT AHEAD.

WATCH.

[ELECTRONIC ZAP] UHH!

[GASPS]

YOUR BET, MA'AM.

OH. OH!

Man: THAT IS TOO RICH FOR ME.

Woman: YEAH, I'M OUT. Second man: I'M OUT.

THAT'S IT. YOU WIN.

[LAUGHS] [MOANING]

ROGER...

PLEASE COLLECT THE CHIPS.

I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

OH! OH, ROGER!

[ELECTRONIC ZAP]

UH, MEGAN. MEGAN. MEGAN.

EXCU--EXCUSE ME.

I'LL JOIN YOU.

OH!

WHAT ABOUT YOUR CHIPS?

CAN I HAVE THEM?

UH, YEAH. KEEP 'EM.

MEGAN!

LOVELY PLACE.

FREE CHIPS. FRIENDLY PEOPLE.

WHAT MORE COULD ONE ASK FOR?

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU PLAYED THIS GAME,

MR. STEELE.

HAVE WE MET?

I'M MISS TANGERINA, AND THIS IS MY PLACE.

IT'S AN HONOR TO MET YOU, MISS TANGERINA.

I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU,

BUT IT CAN'T COMPARE TO SEEING YOU IN THE FLESH.

PLEASE, DON'T GET UP.

I'M STILL WET.

OF COURSE YOU ARE.

YOU'RE SITTING AT MY FAVORITE TABLE.

CARE TO PLAY A ROUND WITH ME?

I'D LOVE TO PLAY AROUND WITH YOU.

Man: I GUESS THAT'S OUR CUE TO LEAVE.

Second man: I SUPPOSE SO.

OK.

I HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR STAKES HIGH, MR. STEELE.

HIGH, HOT, AND MEDIUM-RARE, I ALWAYS SAY.

ALL RIGHT, THEN, 7-CARD STUD.

FIRST ONE UP.

ACE.

10.

QUEEN.

KING.

POSSIBLE STRAIGHT, ACE HIGH.

10 HIGH.

JUST LUCKY, I GUESS.

NOTHING UP MY SLEEVES.

THANK GOD I'VE GOT SOMETHING UP MINE.

WHY DON'T YOU FOLD?

STEELE NEVER FOLDS.

IT DOES UNDER EXTREME PRESSURE.

ALL RIGHT, THEN. LAST CARD.

[ELECTRONIC ZAP] UNH!

MMMPH! HMMMM!

[GIGGLES]

[LAUGHS]

DEAL THE CARDS, MORON!

[STIFLED GIGGLE]

HA HA HA HA HA!

[GROANS]

DAMN. I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO CONSIDER THIS GAME A MISDEAL.

YOU'RE FIRED. GET OUT.

[HIGH-TONED VOICE] YES, MA'AM. MM.

I TAKE IT THE POT STAYS IN AND WE DEAL ANOTHER ROUND.

ABSOLUTELY, MR. STEELE.

AND SINCE THIS IS MY ESTABLISHMENT,

I'M SURE YOU WON'T MIND THAT I DEAL THIS ROUND.

BE MY GUEST.

IT'S MY TURN TO HAVE SOME...

FUN.

[ELECTRONIC ZAP]

OHH...

NEXT CARD?

GET DOWN.

WHAT? ON THE FLOOR NOW!

OH. UHH--

AHH.

NOW, WHERE WERE WE?

[MOANING]

WHAT...DO...UHH...YOU..

UHH...HAVE...OH...

MR. STEELE? OH! OH!

FULL HOUSE.

YOU PLAY A GOOD GAME, MR. STEELE.

SO DO YOU, MISS TANGERINA.

MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO STOP BY

MY HUMBLE ABODE TOMORROW NIGHT IN CANNES.

I'M HAVING A LITTLE PARTY.

WE COULD HAVE A REMATCH.

WE'D LOVE TO.

WELL, HONEY, WE REALLY OUGHT TO GO.

I HAVE TO PICK UP MY DRESS

BACK AT THE HOTEL ROOM.

BACK IN PRAGUE?

IT BETTER BE ONE HELL OF A DRESS.

UNTIL TOMORROW.

I CAN'T WAIT.

[WATER SIZZLING]

AHH.

ARE YOU SURE IT'S A GOOD IDEA

INVITING STEELE OVER?

STEELE MUST DIE.

WHAT BETTER TIME AND PLACE?

STAGE 2 OF MY PLAN BEGINS TOMORROW NIGHT,

AND NOBODY-- NOT EVEN STEELE--

CAN STOP IT.

AS WE SPEAK,

MY WORSHIPPERS ARE COLLECTING THE FINAL SPECIMENS

FOR STAGE ONE.

IN FACT, THE PRINCE OF DENMARK

IS ABOUT READY TO GRACE OUR PRESENCE.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

[EXOTIC RHYTHM PLAYING]

WAIT'LL I TELL THE DUKES BACK HOME

ABOUT THIS.

I'M ALMOST THERE.

NOT YET.

OH, THAT'S GREAT.

OH, YOU'RE THE BEST.

THE BEST.

OH, YA. OH.

THANKS, FRITZ,

BUT I CAN'T TAKE ALL THE CREDIT.

IF YOU'RE THERE, THEN WHO--

YOU MEAN WHAT.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

OH, MY GOD! OH!

YOU'VE HEARD OF THE TAX COLLECTOR?

WELL, MEET THE SPERM COLLECTOR.

GET IT OFF ME.

GET IT OFF! OH!

WHY? DOESN'T IT FEEL GOOD?

OH, YEAH. TOO GOOD.

OH--OH, MY GOD.

OH. I CAN'T HOLD BACK.

THAT'S THE WHOLE IDEA.

OH! OH!

IT'S--IT'S NOT STOPPING.

AND NEITHER ARE YOU, RIGHT?

[BELL RINGING]

[BICYCLE HORN HONKING]

TOLD YOU THEY'D BE GONE BY NOW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE P GAVE YOU THIS.

ALL HE GAVE ME WAS A STUPID BLOW-UP DOLL.

WHAT DID IT DO?

IT BLEW UP, LITERALLY.

YOU KNOW, WITH GADGETS LIKE THIS,

I COULD'VE SOLVED THIS CASE SINGLE-HANDEDLY.

THEY JUST DON'T TRUST ME AT THE AGENCY.

THEY THINK I'M UNLUCKY.

WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT, DOUBLE-0-13?

OH. OH!

WHO IS THIS GUY?

I DON'T KNOW,

BUT HE LOOKS STRANGELY FAMILIAR.

THEY TOOK IT.

I TRIED TO GET IT BACK,

BUT THEY KNOCKED ME OUT,

AND THEY TOOK IT.

TOOK WHAT?

OUR CLICKERS.

WE GOT 'EM MIXED UP AT THE AIRPORT.

I GOT YOURS, AND YOU GOT--

OH, GIVE IT TO ME.

OF COURSE.

P COULD NEVER COME UP

WITH SOMETHING THAT GOOD

ON HIS OWN BUDGET.

THAT'S QUITE A LITTLE DEVICE YOU HAVE THERE.

OH, NO. YOU USED IT?

ONLY IN DIRE SITUATIONS.

YOU'VE GOTTA GIVE IT BACK.

YOU HAVE TO HAND IT BACK.

IT'S NOT SAFE IN THE PUBLIC'S HANDS.

OH, I AGREE WITH YOU THERE.

LUCKILY, WE'RE NOT PUBLIC.

DOUBLE-0-13 AND I

ARE WITH THE SECRET SERVICE.

HMM? THAT'S EVEN WORSE.

MAYBE SO, BUT WE NEED YOUR BOX

FOR ONE MORE NIGHT.

THE FATE OF THE WORLD DEPENDS ON IT.

THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY.

LOOK, BUDDY, WE GOT A POWER-HUNGRY,

WORLD-CONTROLLING BITCH OUT THERE.

WE NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET.

WE'RE GOING TO DESTROY HER

AND HER OPERATION TOMORROW NIGHT.

AFTER THAT, THE BOX IS ALL YOURS.

OH. I GUESS I HAVE NO CHOICE.

UM, BUT IF YOU'RE GONNA SAVE THE WORLD,

I--I SHOULD SHOW YOU ALL OF ITS FUNCTIONS AND OPERATIONS.

YOU MEAN IT DOES MORE THAN JUST SEXUALLY

TURN PEOPLE ON?

OH, YES.

YES, A LOT MORE.

[THUNDER]

[MACHINES BEEPING]

[ELECTRICITY ZAPPING]

Tangerina: PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY.

I WARNED YOU WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO YOU

IF YOU FAILED ME.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE?

FIRST MY TELEPHONE INFORMER WINDS UP

GETTING BUSTED FOR INDECENT EXPOSURE.

NOW YOU.

PLEASE. I PROMISE TO SUCCEED NEXT TIME.

IT WAS THAT DAMN BOX.

THE BOX?! I WANT STEELE, NOT HIS BOX!

A LESSON MUST BE TAUGHT.

STRETCH...

FEEDING TIME.

[HISSING]

NO. PLEASE.

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN YOUR MOST LOYAL SERVANT.

YOU DON'T WANT TO WASTE ME

ON A POISONOUS SNAKE.

POISONOUS SNAKE!

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW STRETCH WAS DE-FANGED

A LONG TIME AGO.

NOT POISONOUS?

THEN WHAT'S HE GOING TO--

OOH!

I TAUGHT HIM EVERYTHING HE KNOWS.

SNAKES HAVE SUCH WONDERFUL TONGUES.

DON'T YOU AGREE?

OH, GOD.

WHAT IS HE DOING TO ME?

I NEVER--

OH, I'VE NEVER--OH!

BUT--BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO PUNISH ME.

STRETCH CAN GO ON LIKE THAT FOR DAYS.

CAN YOU?

Dick on intercom: MISS TANGERINA,

YOUR GUESTS ARE ARRIVING.

OOPS. GOTTA GO.

STAGE 2 OF MY PLAN BEGINS.

OH, BY THE WAY,

2 DAYS IS AS LONG AS ANYONE'S LASTED.

NOW, PUSSY, I'M COUNTING ON YOU

TO BREAK THAT RECORD.

TA-TA.

OH, STRETCH.

OH, STRETCH!

HOW DO I LOOK?

LIKE A SLUT.

QUIT FOOLING AROUND.

AMAZING DEVICE, DOCTOR.

YOU EVER CONSIDERED GOVERNMENT WORK?

HMM. I'VE BEEN TO WASHINGTON.

DOESN'T SUIT ME.

SO THE BACK BUTTON CAN TRANSFORM A PERSON,

THE FRONT KNOB IS A STIMULATOR,

AND WHAT'S THE SIDE ONE DO AGAIN?

CONTROLS THE POINT OF THE RADIUS.

SO WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I SET THE SIDE ONE FOR NARROW

AND HIT THE BACK BUTTON?

IT TRANSFORMS A BODY PART.

WHICH BODY PART?

WHATEVER BODY PART YOU'RE AIMING AT.

[CLOTHING STRETCHING]

MMM.

WHAT IS IT?

[CLEARS THROAT]

OH. NOTHING, NOTHING.

UM, I THINK WE'RE ALMOST THERE.

KEEP AN EYE OPEN FOR P'S BOX.

WE MAY NEED IT LATER.

WELCOME, EVERYONE.

IT'S TIME TO SHOW YOU THE REASON I'VE CALLED YOU ALL HERE.

GET READY--OH-- TO EXPERIENCE

TANGERINA'S MAGICAL LIGHT SHOW!

I REMEMBER SOMETHING ABOUT A LIGHT DISPLAY

LAST TIME I WAS HERE.

WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER AFTER THAT?

NOTHING.

NOT A GOOD SIGN.

SOMETHING TELLS ME WE SHOULD SLIP AWAY FOR THE MOMENT.

FIRST I HAVE AN IDEA.

FEZ?

I'LL NEED YOUR HELP.

STAND BACK...

AND ENJOY.

[CALLIOPE PLAYING]

THAT'S IT, MY LITTLE SLAVES.

FOLLOW THE BOUNCING LIGHTS.

HA HA HA.

STAGE 2 BEGINS.

START ESCORTING THE GENTLEMEN INTO THE LAB

AND THE LADIES INTO THE STUDY.

WELL, WELL, WELL, MR. STEELE.

I THOUGHT YOU WOULD PUT UP MORE OF A FIGHT THAN THAT.

TURN AROUND.

BEND OVER.

HA HA HA HA HA HA.

AT LAST, I'VE GOT THE GREAT MR. STEELE UNDER MY CONTROL!

NOW NOBODY CAN STOP ME.

HA HA HA HA HA HA.

OH, YOU'RE KIND OF CUTE FOR A BRAINWASHED DUKE.

[GASPS]

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.

MISTRESS, THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING A--

WELL, FUCK ME.

[MOANING AND GROANING]

OH, NO. NO!

ENJOY THE SHOW. HA!

Tangerina: OH! OH! STOP!

SO...

YOU HAVE ONE, TOO.

THAT'S RIGHT.

AND IF YOU TURN ME ON, AND I TURN YOU ON,

WE'LL JUST START BEHAVING LIKE THE OTHERS BACK THERE.

SO WHAT DO YOU PROPOSE?

I PROPOSE...

THAT I STALL JUST LONG ENOUGH

FOR SOMEONE TO SNEAK UP BEHIND YOU

AND KNOCK YOU UNCONSCIOUS.

HA!

WHEW.

STUNNING.

DID I COME IN HANDY?

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU BACK THERE?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE BRAINWASHED LIKE THE OTHERS.

WELL, IT HELPS WHEN THERE'S MORE THAN ONE ROD STEELE.

I DON'T GET IT.

I'LL EXPLAIN LATER.

NOW IT'S TIME TO DESTROY TANGERINA'S OPERATION.

WELL, DIDN'T WE JUST DO THAT?

DID YOU SEE EVERYTHING BLOW UP YET?

NO.

THEN WE'RE NOT DONE. COME ON.

I DISCOVERED THIS DURING THE LIGHT SHOW.

LET ME GUESS.

A REVOLVING BOOKCASE

THAT LEADS TO TANGERINA'S SECRET LAB.

NO.THE ART OF SENSUAL MASSAGE.

YOU SHOULD GIVE IT A READ.

WELL.

WHAT IS IT?

I DON'T KNOW.

LET'S HAVE A LOOK.

HELP.

HELP ME.

PLEASE HELP.

I'M SORRY.

I'M NOT INTO THREESOMES.

IT WON'T STOP.

OHH.

I'VE HAD OVER 40 ORGASMS.

STRETCH IS KILLING ME.

OHH.

41.

BUT WHAT A WAY TO GO.

IF YOU ANSWER MY QUESTIONS, I'LL HELP YOU.

OH, YES.

WAS THAT "YES" OF PASSION

OR "YES, I'LL ANSWER"?

YES.

MAYBE I SHOULD REPHRASE THIS.

YES, I'LL ANSWER, I'LL ANSWER.

RELAX. I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

[SIGHS]

TANGERINA'S LAB,

WHERE SHE PLANS TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

BY MATING WOMEN WITH SNAKES?

IT'S A RATHER OLD CONCEPT, DON'T YOU THINK?

THE SPECIAL INGREDIENTS ARE OVER THERE.

MY GOD.

THERE'S ENOUGH SEMEN HERE TO MAN A FLEET!

AND THAT'S ONLY THE BEGINNING, MR. STEELE.

STEP AWAY FROM THERE.

DROP THE BOX.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

TIMING 3 MINUTES.

WHAT FOR?

THE PARALYZER DART WEARS OFF.

OH, STOP YOUR WHISPERING.

FINALLY, I HAVE YOUR MAGIC BOX.

BUT WHICH ONE IS IT?

[GASPS]

AHH.

EXCELLENT.

TURN IT OFF!

PLEASE TURN IT OFF!

NO! LEAVE IT ON.

I LIKE SEEING DOUBLE-0-13 LIKE THIS.

SURE. WHY NOT?

UNLOCK PUSSY. WE'LL BE NEEDING THAT TABLE.

I GOT ANOTHER PUSSY YOU COULD UNLOCK.

PARTY POOPER!

I BET YOU'RE JUST DYING TO HEAR ALL ABOUT

HOW I'M GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

NOT REALLY. IT'S OBVIOUS.

YOU BRING THE PROSTITUTES HERE,

YOU BRAINWASH THEM, THEN YOU SEND THEM OUT

TO HAVE SEX WITH THE MOST POWERFUL MEN IN THE WORLD

AND COLLECT THEIR SPERM.

VERY GOOD, MR. STEELE,

AND WHAT DO I PLAN ON DOING WITH ALL THAT SPERM?

RUB IT ON YOUR SKIN.

KEEP YOURSELF FRESH AND MOIST ALL DAY LONG.

YOU'RE NOT EVEN CLOSE.

WATCH.

THIS IS A SPECIMEN

I GOT FROM SWITZERLAND LATE LAST NIGHT.

IT'S THE SPERM OF PRINCE DEAN.

MEET PRINCE DEAN'S PERFECT CLONE!

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

THERE'S ENOUGH GENES IN EVERY MAN'S SPERM

TO CREATE A PRECISE DUPLICATE.

SO YOU'RE GOING TO CLONE THE WORLD.

THAT WAS MY SECOND GUESS.

YEAH, RIGHT.

NOT THE WORLD, MR. STEELE.

ONLY ITS LEADERS.

EVERYONE UP THERE TONIGHT ARE GOING TO BE

MY FIRST SWAPPED SUBJECTS.

POLITICIANS, DIPLOMATS, KINGS, PRINCES,

EVEN PRESIDENTS ARE GOING TO FALL UNDER MY CONTROL,

AND THEY WILL ALL BE MY VERY OWN

PERSONAL FIRST ARMY OF CLONES!

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

ARE YOU SURE THEY'LL DO YOUR BIDDING?

WOULD YOU LIKE A DEMONSTRATION?

PRINCE DEAN,

GO HAVE SEX WITH THAT WOMAN.

OH, COME TO ME, PRINCY.

THERE.

"THERE"?

YOU TOLD HIM TO HAVE SEX WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

YOU THINK ANYONE WOULD HAVE AN OBJECTION TO THAT COMMAND?

OH, FINE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE

WHAT ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER WOULD DO FOR ME?

[WATCH BEEPING]

WHAT'S THAT?

MY REMINDER TO STRETCH.

[GASPS]

OH, STRETCH! NOT NOW! OH, GOD!

YES, IT'S TRUE.

I FIND YOU VERY ATTRACTIVE, MR. STEELE...

BUT I MUST KILL YOU NOW!

AAH!

NO, NO. BAD SNAKE.

OH, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD, HELP ME.

YOU'RE FINISHED, TANGERINA.

I WOULDN'T BE SO SURE OF THAT, MR. STEELE.

HA HA HA HA HA HA.

PUSSY?

CALL ME MR. PUSSY.

KILL STEELE!

HA HA HA HA HA!

USE THE BOX! USE THE BOX!

STAY WHERE YOU ARE.

I WILL CRUSH YOU AGAINST MY HEAVING MUSCLES.

WELL, WE ALL HAVE TO GO SOMETIME.

WAIT.

I WANT SOMETHING, MR. STEELE,

TO REMEMBER YOU BY.

YOUR CLONE.

HA HA HA HA HA HA.

GET HIS SPERM.

OH, STEELE,

I DIDN'T WANT IT TO END THIS WAY.

NEVER FEAR, BELL.

THEY'RE IN FOR A SURPRISE.

[GASPS]

UH...MISTRESS, I--I CAN'T...

IT WILL NOT FIT.

WHAT?

MY SUCKER FITS EVERY NORMAL--

OH.THAT'SNOT NORMAL.

WHAT?

HOW?

JUST A LITTLE PRECAUTION I GAVE MYSELF

IN THE LIMO ON THE WAY OVER.

QUICK! POINT IT AT ME!

Tangerina: YOU REALLYAREROD STEELE.

HELP ME, YOU IMBECILES!

TAKE THIS, YOU BITCH!

[ELECTRONIC ZAP]

OH, GOD.

NO...NO. PLEASE...

NOT ANYMORE.

OHH! OHH! OHH!

I WONDER WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I...

WHAT DID YOU DO?!

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE I TURNED THEM ON.

IT'S GOING TO BLOW!

OH, SHIT!

COOL.

HELLO.

DR. FEZ?

DR. FEZ. HUH?

IT'S TIME TO GO.

OH.

STEADY.

IS THE...PARTY OVER?

YOU COULD SAY THAT.

THE WORLD'S SAFE AGAIN.

BELL'S IN THE CAR. LET'S GO.

GOOD-BYE, MY DEAR.

I, UH, I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANKS.

YOU WERE REALLY GOOD BACK THERE.

THANK YOU.

WHERE'S THE CLICKER?

I GAVE IT BACK TO FEZ AS I PROMISED.

DON'T YOU EVER TAKE OFF THAT TUXEDO?

ONLY IN AN EMERGENCY.

DIAL 9-1-1.

Rod: WHAT GOT INTO YOU?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

I ALWAYS GET THIS WAY AT THE END OF A CASE.

LUCKY ME.

LUCKY US.

[WATCH BEEPING]

O: WELL DONE, STEELE, WELL DONE, BELL.

Both: WHY, THANK YOU, O.

NOW, GET YOUR ASS ON A PLANE TO EGYPT.

WE'VE GOT A MUMMY ON THE LOOSE

AND A CURSE THAT'S GETTING OUT OF CONTROL.

WHAT ELSE IS NEW?

SAME OLD REGULAR ASSIGNMENTS.

CAN'T YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING EXCITING?

WELL, THERE HAVE BEEN SOME RUMORS ABOUT

AN INVISIBLE MAN ROAMING AROUND HOLLYWOOD.

WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT?

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CONCORDE-NEW HORIZONS CORPORATION

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

?? ROD STEELE IS HIS NAME ??

?? AND LOVE IS HIS GAME ??

?? HE'LL WIND UP ON TOP EVERY TIME ??

?? HE LIKES GUNS AND BOOZE ? ?

?? AND AFTERWARDS A SNOOZE ? ?

?? ROD STEELE IS A MAN AMONG MEN ??

?? ROD STEELE IS HIS NAME ??

?? AND DEATH IS HIS GAME ??

?? HE'LL KILL AND HE'LL MAIM ??

?? WITH A LAUGH ??

?? AND AFTER A CARAFE ??

?? HE'LL KILL YOUR GIRAFFE ? ?

?? HE'S STEEL THROUGH AND THROUGH YOU WILL FIND ??

?? HE'S LOST HIS MIND ??