Original subtitles

(OPENING THEME PLAYING)

(SIREN BLARING)

Star, you don't have to do this.

I must.

Accept your fate, human.

Never!

Very well.

Remember, you asked for this.

(GIGGLES) Tickle war!

(LAUGHING)

Titan, tita... Titans, go!

No, don't. Don't do it!

I got to pee!

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, you got me.

It's no use, Star.

My computer parts cannot be tickled.

(DRILL WHIRRING)

Oh! (LAUGHING)

Belly button! (LAUGHING)

And I couldn't forget you, my little bumgorf.

(LAUGHS)

Man, Starfire is so upbeat!

Her happiness makes me happy.

-(CLOCK TICKING) -Thirteen seconds.

That's the longest you were ever in a good mood, mama.

-(GRUNTS) -That was a record.

I have to know, Star,

where does your cheery disposition come from?

(GIGGLES)

I suppose it comes from growing up

on my home planet, Tamaran.

If it made you this nice,

it must be the best place in the universe.

-(LAUGHING) -(SMOOCHING)

Okay, okay.

Wait your turn, please. No, no. You go next.

When you gonna take us there?

I am not sure you would like it.

We like you. We'll like your planet.

You may find my Tamaranian ways strange,

much like I find some of the Earth ways strange.

(PAN FLUTE PLAYING)

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) A poem for milady.

Is that a sunrise on yon lake?

Nay. 'Tis your eyes.

It would mean so much to me,

if I could share this special place.

Then share away.

Let's go to space!

It is so good to be home.

(SNIFFING)

Ah. I missed the crispness of Tamaranian air.

(ALL SNIFFING)

(ALL COUGHING)

My lungs are crying!

What are we breathing, Star?

That is the Tamaranian fire air.

What? (GROANS)

Your planet's air is made out of hot sauce.

It ensures the weak do not survive.

You will grow accustomed to the burning.

♪ The pain All I know is pain ♪

Oh, do not die so quickly, friends.

We have just arrived!

There are so many more wonderful things to see.

(LAUGHS)

ROBIN: Wow! This place is amazing.

Give us the tour, Star.

We want to see all the things that made you

such a sweet little cuddle bug.

As a Tamaranian princess, this palace was my home.

We often entertained kings, queens and warlords,

in an effort to keep the peace of the galaxy.

This is General Thraxis of the Blood Dominion.

We are working on

a very important treaty with him now.

What up, General?

(GROWLS)

-(GROWLING) -(ALL SCREAMING)

(GROANS) What was that about?

Oh, on Tamaran, a handshake

is the most violent declaration of war.

He has vowed to wipe out my people

and turn Tamaran into intergalactic gravel.

My bad.

That is the all right, but you must excuse me,

I need to rally a planetary defense.

(SCREAMS)

Charge!

You have to shake everyone's hand?

I'm a friendly guy, what do you want me to do?

This is not what I was expecting.

I'm not sure I like Starfire's planet.

It's definitely not as sweet as she is.

True, but it's pretty cool

watching those blob guys explode.

-(SCREAMS) -There goes one!

-(ALL SCREAMING) -Why does everything burn on this planet?

My face!

This is terrible.

Let's go before things get worse.

No, Raven. It means so much to Starfire that we're here.

Yo! The cries of terror have stopped.

Maybe Cyborg's handshake war is over.

Handshakes are friendly,

I don't care who you are, they are friendly.

Good news! The war has concluded

and only three-quarters of the planet were destroyed.

That's great!

I'm so happy for you, Starfire.

As is the custom on Tamaran,

I brokered a truce

by offering my hand in marriage to the General.

ROBIN: No!

Why did you have to shake his hand?

Why I ask you, Cyborg, why?

I can't help it. I'm just a friendly guy.

I like putting people at ease.

(ROBIN CRYING)

It should have been me.

I really, really hate this planet.

How can anyone as nice and perfect as Starfire come from here?

Ew! Look.

Now she has to kiss all those mouths.

And she never kissed you on your one mouth.

Bummer.

We're gonna be here awhile.

(SOBBING)

(APPLAUSE)

Was the ceremony not beautiful?

Now, please enjoy the rest of your stay on Tamaran.

-I must go. -Where?

As the General's wife, I must travel with his fleet

in order to attend to his mouths

as he conquers the universe.

You will never see me again.

What? You can't go with him.

(ROBIN GASPS)

I know our customs seem strange,

but it is important to honor them.

Goodbye forever, friends.

This is not cool!

If Starfire is going to be forced to marry anyone,

it's going to be me.

Titans, let's annul this marriage.

(SCREAMING)

(BEEPING)

(EXPLOSION)

Ahhh!

(GASPS)

Friends, why did you blow up my husband?

The peace treaty is now broken.

The General's army will soon attack,

and I have dishonored my people.

And you are welcome.

-He was gross. -Yeah, super gross!

Now the only way to save my planet from the invasion

is in a traditional show of bravery

by fighting Gridnock, the skull crusher.

And if you don't, this planet will be destroyed?

Yes.

Sounds good to me, let's go home.

TITANS: Ahhh!

These are the guardians of honor.

They will escort us to our inevitable deaths

at the hands of Gridnock.

Hello, guardians!

Keeping those axes sharp, I see.

(ALL CHEERING)

(GRIDNOCK GROWLING)

(GROWLING)

Is he not magnificent?

Why are you so happy about this?

It is an honor to prove one's bravery on Tamaran.

So, how many people have survived Gridnock?

None. That is why it is such an honor.

None, Star?

Well, he's never faced the Teen Titans.

Titans, go!

-(CROWD BOOING) -(BELCHING)

Whoa. Did we just get eaten? That was fast!

-(GRIDNOCK BURPS) -(ALL SCREAM)

Don't take this the wrong way, Star,

but we hate your planet and everything on it!

You are hurting the feelings, Robin.

It's true. This planet is awful.

We have no idea how you came from a place like this.

(GRIDNOCK BELCHES)

Yes, life can be hard on Tamaran.

But if I only saw the negative,

my skull would have been crushed many years ago.

Instead, I have learned

to find the best in any situation.

In fact, that is the only way I have been able to tolerate

you all as my roommates.

(SNIFFING)

Oh, Star, that's beautiful.

I always wondered why you didn't hate us.

Well, if we're gonna die,

we might as well be positive like Starfire.

We're in an alien rock monster's belly,

what's not to love?

(SIZZLING)

Look, is that a half-eaten hot dog?

-(BEEPING) -(VOMITING)

Not a hot dog,

but I've never tasted anything like it before!

Hmm. It's so nice and warm in here like a free sauna.

Gettin' a good sweat on. Detoxin'.

-(GRIDNOCK BELCHES) -Oh!

If Star survived so long

because of her positive attitude,

then we have to think like her.

You know what that means.

Titans!

Tickle War!

(DRILL WHIRRING)

Belly button! (LAUGHING)

-(CYBORG THUMPING) -(GRIDNOCK GRUNTING)

(CROWDS CHEERING)

We defeated the Gridnock!

-(ALL CHEERING) -Yeah, kid.

We couldn't have done it

without seeing things the Tamaranian way, Star.

Now do you understand why I love this planet so?

I think we do, Star.

Then, perhaps you will let me show you more of Tamaran.

-Are you crazy? -Let's get out of here.

Worst place ever!

Blah!