Original subtitles

[upbeat rock music]

? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?

? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?

? ?

? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?

? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?

? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?

- ? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ? - ? Ruff, ruff ?

[fireworks whistling, booming]

[sparkler sizzling]

[music crescendos]

? ?

Guys, guys, calm down. [all screaming]

Boomsday is just humans trying to blow up the sky.

It's horrible, but we get through it every summer.

[boom] Oh, god!

[whimpering, screeching]

This is the end!

- What... - [kiss]

- Aah! - Aah!

- We're all gonna die! - Wait... [grunting]

- Ooh... aah!

Damn it!

[all screaming]

So no one did the visualization techniques

- I gave you? - Oh, we were bad students.

[huskily] Get the paddle.

Ohh! You know what? I can't help you

if you're not willing to help yourselves.

If my hoof gets blown off,

take me to Madonna's butt doctor!

[fireworks continue popping]

Aah!

? ?

Ugh. Maybe I should just give up and go into real estate.

In this market? [pop]

Ah! I can't take these booms!

Make them stop! I can't live in here forever.

I'm running out of underwear crotches to eat.

[growls]

Chief, I really need a break

from dealing with everyone's problems.

If you're so scared, just go hang out with Jill.

I'm so scared, I don't know who Jill is!

- Bye, kiddoes! - Who the hell is that?

I'm off to my "1619 project" listening and nodding party.

[gasps] She can't leave! Honey, do something!

Why is it always my job to do something?

[both growling] Oh, no. You two seem very upset.

- We're fine! - I have conflicting feelings

about medicating you, but the thundershirt isn't helping,

and I kept the thunderpants for myself.

[fireworks continue popping]

Oh, my god! Honey, do something!

Could you just handle something on your own?

I'm so sick... of everyone else's [mutters] ....problems.

Fine. I can handle this on my own.

[slurring] I can do anything I put my...

[voice distorting] mind to...

I mean, it's supposed to be a government of the animals,

by the animals, for the...

Oh, don't help me... animals?

So I'm gonna take matters into my own paws,

get rid of the booms,

and make the world a better place for all of us.

That means you, pal.

- Thanks, pal. - It's my pleasure.

We will all benefit from my naiveite and misplaced optimism.

I'm here to make my mark on Washington.

Hey, Senator McTurtle.

Big Boom has been terrorizing us animals for decades,

and it has to stop.

So I went to the place where things get done...

social media... but said some things that got me kicked off,

so now I'm here.

- Will you help me? - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What's your name, son?

Chief, but you can call me Chiefy, Chief baby,

or @mrfloofypants.

Well, Chiefy, while I admire your gumption,

that's not my committee.

But just inside that building

are countless senators who would be more than happy

to help a courageous canine like you.

All you have to do is knock on their doors.

Good luck, and dogspeed.

[beep] I need you to keep your eye on a dog named Chief.

He's digging around where he doesn't belong.

And when he's done with that,

I think he's going to do some investigating.

[fireworks continue popping] [giggling]

[whimpers] Sick of dealing with everyone else's problems.

Problems... problems...

[car horn honks] [groans] Ohh...

Oh! It's already quarter past sunrise o'clock!

[car horn honking] Hold on, be right there!

[grunting]

Ooh! I gotta lay off those late-night squirrels.

- You didn't tell me you were goin' out. - I didn't know I had to.

You get your butt back here, Honey... now!

- Sorry, Chief. Don't wait up! - Don't you tell me not...

[snoring]

- Let's go, let's go! - Relaxicon, here we come!

North America's second-largest boom-free relaxation festival!

And a break from fixing everyone's problems.

Before we know it, we'll be up to

our exposed anuses in cucumber water.

Wait, wait, this is my dream. I wanna drive.

- [sighs] Fine. - Ow!

Sorry. I'm not used to legs.

Road trip! [static]

- Say "no booms!" - No booms!

[click]

Two dogs, 12 teats, no rules!

[country rock music]

? ?

[sweeping instrumentals]

Good afternoon. I'm here to talk to the senator about boom regul...

[rapidly] Good afternoon, I'm here to talk about...

[energetic music]

Ohh... who would have thought it'd be so hard

to get something done in Washington?

[downbeat bluesy music]

? ?

- You want a belly rub? - Oh, no thank you, sex hamster.

But I totally respect your gross profession.

[phone rings]

A phone? Trapped in a glass box?

I'll help you, phone!

Hello? Aah!

- Hello, @mrfloofypants. - How do you know my handle?

Everyone's talking about the dog

who's got the balls to go up against Big Boom.

They can't mean me. I don't have any...

Balls! [laughing]

I have balls! Normally, I don't have those.

You're dreaming big, kid, but you're on the wrong side.

Big Boom could use a dog like you.

- So I'm gonna write down an offer... - There's no amount of...

Wow. That is a lotta bacon.

Chiefy, even with those white-hot dream balls,

Big Boom is too powerful to fight.

Everything relies on Big Boom...

agriculture, military,

- the Vengaboys. - Oh, yeah?

Lemme ask you something. Is that one cat?

Yes.

Oh, cool. Lemme ask you something else.

Why is a raccoon like you on the side of Big Boom?

Don't you get scared too?

And what about all 700 of your uneaten children?

Sure, but we hide down here, and if the booms get too loud,

we'll just move to New Zooland

with the money we made off Big Boom.

And now you're probably gonna ask,

"ooh, what about the animals

"who can't afford underground hideouts

- "or land in New Zooland? Waah!" - I was gonna ask that.

Well, we don't worry about them,

because they're not our base.

I'm gonna tell Senator McTurtle about this.

Ha, please. I've got Senator McTurtle in my pocket.

Chiefy! Room in here for one more.

- Senator McTurtle? - That's right, Chief.

This fight goes all the way to the top.

- Top of what? - The top of the tippy.

- The tippy top? - Monkey! Show this dumb dog out.

You don't scare me.

All you've done is make me more determined than ever...

How are your hands so soft?

[dreamy chords]

[upbeat music]

Even though it's a convertible, it's more fun like this.

Uh, Honey, I have a problem.

Nuh-uh. We agreed: No problems.

I have to pee, but if you don't wanna stop,

I can just hold it in until

- it comes out of my eyes like tears. - [groans]

[light rock music]

? ?

[urine splashing]

Well, well, well. What do we have here?

Yeah, it's me... Max the pig

as the police officer in your dream.

I expected better from you, Honey.

Sorry. If you're not comfortable,

- I can try again. - Nah, it's fine.

I'm here. Let's do this.

Where you two city sniffers headed?

Oh, we're just going to Relaxicon

to escape the booms and annoying problems.

Like the one we're dealing with now.

Now, public pee-pee is against the law

in these parts, ladies.

I'm gonna have to give you a urination citation.

[growls] Well, I'm gonna have to...

- Oh... aah! - Elsa!

That escalated quickly!

Oh, my god, oh, my god. [cop yelling in background]

Drive!

[siren wailing]

You bit a cop! What were you thinking?

- I killed a beaver in Memphis. Drive! - What?

All I wanted to do was get away from the booms

at Relaxicon, and now we're fugitives,

Which is kind of exciting, but really annoying.

I wish I was on this trip with someone else!

- Aah... - What?

- Oh, hi, Tabitha. - We are target of police pursuit?

- You do pedals, I steer. - Aah!

[gasps] Son of a me!

- He's gaining on us. - Moscow drift... now!

Ah... Oh...

Aah!

- You're welcome. - Relaxicon, here we come.

Ow! My gun's loose! [gunshot]

Missed me! Ha ha ha ha...

[gunshot] Ow!

[rock music]

? ?

This is a protest against Big Boom

and its hold on the American animal!

We will no longer hide under beds or take meds.

[all chanting] No beds, no meds!

No beds, no meds!

Oh, my god, I'm being the change,

and it's making me more attractive.

Which is not why I got into this, but, you know...

- Oh, my god! - They won't silence us!

- We gotta get outta here! - Holy howl, the po-po's here!

Okay, disband immediately.

You don't have permits to protest here,

- and you're off leash. - Yeah. What he said.

We have the right to assemble, I read somewhere.

[neighing] Noooo, not if you're endangering the public.

Come on, man, we're all high on CBD joint supplements.

- This is a peaceful protest. - Not anymore.

[laughter]

[dramatic musical sting]

They shut down our protest and left us no choice.

So welcome to the Boom offense organizing movement.

- or... BOOM. - Meow!

- Sorry. I'm afraid of acronyms. - This is our last chance

to memorize the map of the Boom factory

and its access points...

here, here, here, here,

here, here, here,

here, here, here, here. There's a lotta access.

If anyone's gettin' cold paws, listen to this.

Mrs. McTurtle, tell our friends what the senator

- let slip in the throes of passion. - The part about him needing

to be punished and how he wanted me to stand on his...

Duh-ehh! No! About the booms.

Oh. Well, they've known about the devastating harm

that booms cause to animals but hid the research.

[all gasp] Thank you, Darla.

We know how hard it must be to put your loyalty to the cause

- above your relationship with the senator. - Oh, it's not that hard.

So we all know what this means.

When facing injustice, there is no choice but to act.

I'm razzle dazzle!

It's time to give them a taste of their own booms!

And that's when you said, "it's time to give them

a taste of their own booms."

- Isn't that correct, Chief? - This is bullcrap, man!

We all know what's goin' on here.

You're just using us to distract from the bigger...

Bailiff, please shake a can of pennies at the defendant.

[rattling] Ah!

You trespassed on private property.

[suspenseful music]

But before you could carry out your dastardly assault,

you were distracted by the FRPB.

The Federal reserve of peanut butter

is there for national emergencies only!

Like what, a jelly NATO?

[laughter]

- Order! - There will be no order

until you put a stop to this hypocrisy, man!

[cheering, whooping]

- Order! - Yeah!

Order! All right, that's it.

We're adjourning for lunch.

- I am starving. I'll buy us snacks. - I don't have any money.

Maybe that's because it's a concept I don't understand.

I mean, a currency backed by a mutual agreement of value?

- That doesn't make sense. - Leave this to me.

[bell jingles]

Hello. Can I please have a pack of catnip?

Sure can, now that it's legal.

- Meow! - Nice and easy, and no one gets squirt.

- Hey, Abs, grab those bags of Kibble for me. - Uh, okay.

And I don't love the objectification,

but I do appreciate the compliment.

And you are going to give me all of your cash.

And you're going to start counting

and not call the cops until you get to 100.

Okay. One, two, um, I wanna say tomato?

- Three! - I dunno. I'm pretty sure it's tomato.

[upbeat music]

Get in! Drive, drive, drive!

So now I'm implicated in an assault on a police officer,

robbing a convenience store, and we're adding a sexy cat to our crew?

I gotta say, I liked your moves back at that minimart.

- Yeah, you did. - But I would have done it differently.

I take pride in being courteous.

- So what do you do? - It goes a little something like this.

All right, cats and dogs,

let's see who'll win the prize for keepin' their cool.

This squirt gun is loaded, but if nobody gets upset,

nobody gets wet.

Aah! [dryer humming]

[both laughing]

Okay, that was fun. Now get out.

Well, thank you both for a lovely evening.

[bags rustle]

I finally find a cat who isn't terrified of me,

and you kick him out?

If you hadn't gotten us this Kibble, you'd be out too.

- Wait... where is it? - What?

It's gone... the catnip, the Kibble.

- He robbed us! - Damn, he's good.

This is all your fault. If you hadn't gotten

so sidetracked by his rippling, rock-hard, well-defined

abs, we would be listening to whale sounds at Relaxicon!

But now it's all about your drama.

- I wish I were with someone else. - Aah!

Well, well, well! Somebody's been a bad girl.

Ooh! It's me, it's me!

Wait... stop! What am I doing?

Goodbye, Shel!

[groans]

Nibbles! Ah, that's better.

- Or is it? - Nope.

[fireworks popping]

Can you point out the dog

who was intending to destroy the Boom factory?

That Saint Bernard there, @mrfloofypants.

In hindsight, it may have been a mistake to trust the senator's wife.

You thought you could compete with this?

Bllllll!

I've heard enough. I hereby sentence you

- to ten dog years in prison. - Gulp.

And in the case of hot or not, you're hot.

[all chanting] Chief! Chief!

My voice will never be silenced.

Never be... [muffled speech]

- Boo! - Chief! Chief!

Chief! Chief! Chief!

All right, chow time, Chief.

Oh, man, I forgot about my hunger strike!

- Ah, I'll start tomorrow. - You got a visitor.

Chief, old boy, how are you holding up?

- Uncle Nathan? - Not your uncle.

Even in a drug-induced dream, not your uncle.

I work in the White dog house.

The president would like to see you... personally.

The president of the United steaks of America?

Oh, my god. It's your dream, Chief.

You could make yourself a little smarter.

[uplifting music]

? ?

- Madam president. - Honey? You're the president?

Of course! Who else would it be... Max?

Walkies with me.

[bright music]

Chief, I need your help. When I took office,

I made a promise to the american animal to eradicate the booms.

And you've produced an enormous,

- well-formed movement. - Yeah. I make a lot of those.

[fireworks popping]

[country western music]

? ?

What are you doing? We don't have time for a pit stop.

Just wait out here for two minutes.

My ex lives here. He'll hook us up with all the essentials...

- food, money, oils. - Thanks, Nibbles.

For once, someone is solving my problems.

[sighs] Ahh.

I ate his face! We gotta get outta here!

Go, go, go!

Unbelievable! I'm stuck dealing with someone else's problems again.

You know I can hear you.

I may be covered in someone else's blood,

- but I still have feelings. - Aah!

- Why is everyone but me so annoying? - Aah!

- Hello, Honey. - Hello, Honey!

- Ahh... perfect. - Ahh... perfect.

? ?

["Hail to the chief" plays]

Help me finally do what every president before me

- has been afraid to. - Hump the leg of the Lincoln memorial?

Please. I do that three times before breakfast.

- I mean defeat Big Boom. - I'm your dog, madam president.

[crackling] [gasps] What's that?

It's me! My tail is gonna explode!

- [laughing] - We've got a bark alarm

level 5 here with dotus.

Uncle Nathan? You set me up!

- Not your uncle, and yes. - He used me to get to you.

He's working for Big Boom!

Yes, I am. See? That was smarter.

But not smart enough.

[chortling]

- Get her outta here! - We don't have time!

- I'm on it! - Ooh, that looks fun.

Not the time... put it in my calendar for tonight:

if still alive, chase tail.

- Got it! - Now what?

- I don't know. I've never caught it before. - Let me help you.

No, no! I'm gonna solve this problem myself.

[grunts]

Aah!

Looks like booms are back on the menu, boys.

Aah!

- Chief, you saved us! - And now I need your help.

To pass legislation outlawing booms forever?

Oh, sure, but first...

help me get this racoon outta my butt.

[fireworks popping]

[mellow music]

- This is my favorite song. - Mine too.

Fried sweet potatoes are my favorite.

- Samesies. - But maybe we should slow down a bit.

You get the best gas mileage driving 65 to...

75 miles per hour. I know. I'm going 75.

Ooh. Going a little fast, aren't we?

I know how to drive.

- Ooh, she's in a mood. - You don't even know.

- I can hear you! - What are you doing... 77?

- What are you running from? - Where's the sun block?

You're not a good girl.

- You're an average girl at best. - Okay, got it.

- Can we please stop? - Let's just have some quiet.

- Your peers have all surpassed you. - Aah!

[chatter continues]

I can't take one more minute of me!

[chatter continues]

Aah!

- Oh... - Wha... Oh!

- I had the craziest dream. - I had the craziest dream.

- But I won't bore you with it. - But I won't bore you with it.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

- But I will tell you what I learned from it. - Ooh! I'm listening.

I get what you were all growly about earlier.

I may not have giant dream balls,

but I have the power to help myself.

So from now on, I'm not gonna bother you with my stuff.

No, no, no, please bother me.

I'll spend as much time as you want talking about your problems.

It's way less annoying than talking to myself.

That's sweet, Honey, but this old dog can handle

whatever comes... [pop] Aah!

Why does this have to be so scary?

It's okay, Chief. Shh, shh.

- President Honey's got you. - Aw.

Huh?

Oh, it was so exciting to read this scene

because, as an actor, it's really enjoyable

to have all the lines and all the screen time and...

Honey, there's another of you!

- Where did she come from? - They're both me.

We shot the scenes multiple times,

- and then they composited us... - Whoa! There's another one!

So what are they, clones or something?

- No, it's a video effect. - Ah... there's another clone!

Yeah, fine. They're clones, Chief.

- Are you a clone? - No.

That's exactly what a clone would say.

- I'm not a clone. - Well, where are

- all the other clones? - Fox put them all down

- after the shoot. - Hmm. Probably would have

been easier just to redraw you.

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