All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S01E08.In-Laws.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,710 - Take a look at your daughter. 2 00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,514 - Yeah? So? She looks happy. 3 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,283 - If she's happy, that's-- that's very happy. 4 00:00:18,285 --> 00:00:20,352 - What? Should we call a doctor, ray? 5 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,388 - I'm-- look, I'm just saying, 6 00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:25,257 Look, look how good it is to be five. 7 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:27,593 Aw, you're truly happy at five. 8 00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:31,697 Your happiness peaks at five. - Oh! 9 00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,532 Come on, I'm happy. 10 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:38,137 - You're not that happy. You can't be, look at her. 11 00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:40,039 Ally, what are you thinking of? 12 00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:42,541 - Candy. 13 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:46,078 - Candy! Huh, you're that happy? 14 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,313 When's the last time you daydreamed about candy? 15 00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:50,215 You can't do that as an adult. 16 00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:51,316 You can try, you don't get far. 17 00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:56,155 Candy, candy-- oh, cavities. Cavities! 18 00:00:56,157 --> 00:01:00,759 Oh, no money! Who am I? Why am I here? 19 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:03,362 What am I doing? Am I gay? 20 00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:08,634 See? Candy, candy doesn't work. 21 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:10,702 - Try this candy. 22 00:01:17,343 --> 00:01:19,678 - Happy now? 23 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,147 - Candy! - Yeah! 24 00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:24,650 - Hi, I'm ray. 25 00:01:24,652 --> 00:01:26,351 I live here in long island 26 00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:28,787 With my wife, debra, 27 00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,122 My five-year-old daughter, 28 00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:33,092 And twin almost-two-year-old boys. 29 00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:35,461 My parents live across the street. 30 00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,396 That's right. 31 00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:39,865 The truth is, I'd do anything for my family. 32 00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:44,670 And--done. 33 00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:47,406 Oh, no-- 34 00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:51,477 Unh! Debra! 35 00:01:51,479 --> 00:01:53,378 Honeeey! 36 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:56,315 Somebody! Call my father! 37 00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:57,883 I'm hyperventilating! 38 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:04,490 [paper tearing] 39 00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:13,632 [paper tearing] 40 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,367 - Will you stop? 41 00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,736 You're driving me nuts, frank. 42 00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:19,538 [paper tearing] 43 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:20,539 I sa-- 44 00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:22,574 I said stop. 45 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,510 This is who you are now-- 46 00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:27,346 Like you were in a home for old ladies? 47 00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:28,881 - I find it relaxing. 48 00:02:28,883 --> 00:02:30,349 - Oh-ho. 49 00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:33,385 Fish sticks? 50 00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:34,520 - Yes! 51 00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:37,222 - [laughs] you don't eat fish sticks. 52 00:02:37,224 --> 00:02:38,490 I once made them for you, and you said, 53 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,225 "no, that's not the way god wanted fish." 54 00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:41,894 - You never made them. 55 00:02:41,896 --> 00:02:43,462 - I did too. - Not for me. 56 00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:44,663 - Frank! 57 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,664 - When did you make fish sticks? 58 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,366 - When they first came out. 59 00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:50,836 [knock on door] 60 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,738 - Hi. - Hello, ray. 61 00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:54,173 - Hi. You hungry? 62 00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,874 - No. No, I just ate. 63 00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,276 - [sniffing] 64 00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:59,311 No. Don't lie to me. Sit down. 65 00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:02,781 - Listen, what are you guys doing Saturday? 66 00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:05,784 - Here. Jell-o for the kids. Save 30¢. 67 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,653 - Oh--thanks, dad. 68 00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:10,522 Now I can buy that boat. 69 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,491 - What's Saturday, dear? 70 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:13,692 - Debra's parents. Uh-- 71 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:14,693 - Ugh. 72 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,762 - Not howie and eva. 73 00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:18,630 - Warren and lois, dad. 74 00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,666 You're not even close. 75 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:21,867 Why don't you see if you got a coupon in there 76 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,369 For shock treatments? 77 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,572 - No, we're busy Saturday. 78 00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,507 - Oh, come on, ma. They don't come that often. 79 00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,409 - Oh, no. 80 00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:33,312 They're too busy gallivanting around the world. 81 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,247 - Where did they go for christmas last year? 82 00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:36,949 Morocco? 83 00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:38,283 - So what? 84 00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:40,285 - What are they trying to prove? 85 00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:41,787 - They're so pretentious. 86 00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:45,357 About how beautiful it is in connecticut. 87 00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:47,559 - Look, you have to see your in-laws, all right. 88 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:48,660 They're going to be across the street. 89 00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:50,329 What, are you going to hide? 90 00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:52,664 - I got a chair now up in the attic. 91 00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:57,636 - Come on, you know how debra is with this family thing. 92 00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,004 I know, it's insane. 93 00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:00,572 But, please, look, I promise, 94 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,242 It'll all be over before warren can say, 95 00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:04,977 "I bought another sculpture." 96 00:04:04,979 --> 00:04:07,913 [both laughing] 97 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:10,282 - He's such an ass. 98 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,518 - What about lois? 99 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,954 [falsetto] I prefer dark chocolate. 100 00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:18,790 - All right, good. So you'll come. 101 00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:21,426 You can find new things to make fun of them. 102 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,295 It's for debra, really. 103 00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,464 - Well, couldn't you tell debra once and for all 104 00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:28,400 It's enough with her parents? 105 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:29,935 - What are you talking about? 106 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:32,437 - Don't you feel the same way about them? 107 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,307 - No, ma. I like them. 108 00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:37,309 - Come on. - What? 109 00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:40,379 - Come on. You hate their guts. 110 00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,714 - Enough already, okay? 111 00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:46,351 All right, look, so they're a little--sophisticated. 112 00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:48,587 - He admits it. We're better. 113 00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:51,690 - Look, you know they're not my favorite people, all right? 114 00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,558 But you got to be nice Saturday. 115 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,428 It's for debra-- and for me, indirectly. 116 00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:58,597 - I will be my usual charming self. 117 00:04:58,599 --> 00:04:59,798 - Yeah. 118 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:00,899 - I'll even bring a present. 119 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:05,337 Here. 30¢ off dijon mustard. 120 00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:07,873 A poupon coupon. 121 00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,075 - Ha, ha, ha, ha! 122 00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:12,511 - Good. Good. 123 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:15,013 Hey, good to see you two getting along. 124 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,991 - Who taught you how to dust? 125 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,993 - Self-taught. - Ah. 126 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,594 Listen, I'll do that, 127 00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:30,896 And you go and just straighten all that stuff 128 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,964 Up over there, okay? 129 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,434 - What the hell is this? 130 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:36,501 - Don't-- ray, careful, careful! 131 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,970 - I just bought it at a gallery today. 132 00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,105 It's peruvian. 133 00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,440 Isn't it great? 134 00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:43,475 - Yeah. Where does the pepper come out? 135 00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,377 - Oh-- 136 00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:46,578 [doorbell rings] 137 00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,980 They're here. Come on. Hurry up. 138 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,452 Are those the pants you're wearing? 139 00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:55,821 No. No. 140 00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,356 - Ray! Co-- don't! 141 00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:59,624 Put it back. Come on. 142 00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,760 Hi! 143 00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:02,794 - There's my little sweetie pie. 144 00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,963 Oh, hello, darling! 145 00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:17,809 Hello, ray. 146 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,044 - Hello. 147 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,680 I was, uh, just-- 148 00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:22,914 Dusting. 149 00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:26,785 - Crazy as ever, raymond. 150 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:30,489 - Ah! There's no off switch here, warren. 151 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:31,890 - Oh, hello, darling. 152 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,091 Where are the kids? 153 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,994 - Jail. Ha, ha, ha! 154 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:36,928 - It's-- it's nap time. 155 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,463 - Oh. 156 00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:42,033 Oh, honey, this is beautiful. 157 00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,169 I love peruvian art. 158 00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:45,704 - It's incan. 159 00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:46,872 - Macchu picchu? 160 00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:48,974 - Gesundheit. 161 00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:51,176 - He always says that. 162 00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:52,978 - Oh, and it's funny every time. 163 00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:55,180 [knock on door] 164 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:58,884 - It's us. - Hello. 165 00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,452 - Hello, in-laws. 166 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,122 Hello, sweetie. 167 00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:06,958 Oh. This is for you. 168 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,427 - Oh, you shouldn't have. 169 00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:09,594 - Now, now. 170 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:13,098 That's a box of the finest milk chocolate. 171 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,699 - Thank you, marie. 172 00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:18,603 I still haven't quite finished the last box. 173 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,572 - Warren, how have you been? 174 00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,474 Where are you going on your next vacation? 175 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:23,708 Maui? 176 00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,814 - A little further, actually. 177 00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,649 - We're going to vietnam. 178 00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:33,552 - What? - Vietnam? 179 00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:35,787 What, do you owe charlie some payback? 180 00:07:38,891 --> 00:07:40,692 - Oh, I've been reading that vietnam 181 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,761 Is a fascinating place to go now. 182 00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:44,629 Oh, I would love to see it. 183 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,799 - Yeah. Or we could just rent "apocalypse now." 184 00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:54,072 - So, marie-- 185 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,674 What's new with you? 186 00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:58,076 Have you seen any new shows in town? 187 00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:00,645 - I saw the three tenors last week on tv. 188 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,548 I think pbs is wonderful. 189 00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:05,817 - Until they start asking for money. 190 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:11,156 - We just saw some very funky experimental stuff 191 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,758 At the performing garage. 192 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,527 - Oh, and we saw "stomp." 193 00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:17,963 - Oh, I loved "stomp." 194 00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,866 - Who's "stomp"? 195 00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,667 - Well, it's sort of like a rhythmic dance. 196 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,569 These guys sort of bang together 197 00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:25,871 Anything they can find-- 198 00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:29,140 Trash cans, hubcaps, brooms. 199 00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,075 - And you loved it. 200 00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:32,644 - Ohh! 201 00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:34,813 Loved it. We're going back. 202 00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:37,182 - How much do they charge for this? 203 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,718 - $40. - Ohh! 204 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,786 - For 20 bucks, I'll bang on my garbage cans 205 00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,021 Till your ears bleed. 206 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:46,858 - [laughing] 207 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:47,859 - Hey, look at this-- 208 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:48,860 [clop clop clop] 209 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,562 That's 12 bucks. 210 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,669 - Ray, can I see you in the kitchen, right now? 211 00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,538 - Yeah. Okay. Here I come. 212 00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,206 [clomp clomp clomp] 213 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,774 - Another 15 bucks! 214 00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:05,110 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! 215 00:09:06,979 --> 00:09:08,613 - 15 bucks. 216 00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:10,715 - What are you guys doing? 217 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:13,585 - Oh, nothing. We're--we're stompin'. 218 00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:16,655 - You're making fun of my parents. 219 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:19,624 - No, no. 220 00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:22,694 All right, we're making a little fun of them, all right? 221 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:25,063 Vietnam. 222 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,198 It comes from love. 223 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,235 - Listen, I know you've never been crazy about them, 224 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,870 But can't you at least pretend? 225 00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,071 - I am pretending. 226 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,773 No, no, I mean-- 227 00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:37,342 Look, I mean, I love your parents, all right. 228 00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:40,312 In fact, you're robbing me of my time with them. 229 00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:45,717 - [talking through teeth] where the hell have you been? 230 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:46,985 - Everything okay? 231 00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,219 - Oh, yeah. Couldn't be better. 232 00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:49,854 Debra and I were just saying 233 00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:52,624 It's a shame we don't spend more time together. 234 00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:56,127 - We were just thinking the same thing. 235 00:09:56,129 --> 00:10:00,732 So why don't we all have dinner together tomorrow night? 236 00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:03,068 - Huh? 237 00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:05,870 - Well, we have a reservation at le bernardoux. 238 00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,839 We'll just expand it. We'll all go. 239 00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:09,140 - That's a four-star restaurant. 240 00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,675 - No, no, no. Thank you. 241 00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:13,378 We don't go to those kinds of places because-- 242 00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:14,813 Well, it's just too much. 243 00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:17,148 - I don't like to get dressed. 244 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:20,085 - Don't be silly. 245 00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:23,254 In fact, ray, bring your brother. 246 00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:26,191 - Oh, boy. 247 00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:27,892 - Now, doesn't this sound like fun? 248 00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:30,795 Oh, come on, you guys. Our treat. 249 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,798 It would mean so much to us. 250 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,835 - But we're just so very busy. 251 00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,236 - Ray? 252 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:40,305 - Well, we're not too busy for our in-laws. 253 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,307 Yes, yes. Le bernardoux. 254 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,175 The whole family. Together. 255 00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:45,910 - Great. 256 00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:48,713 - Oh, it's going to be so thrilling. 257 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,350 - It'll be more fun than vietnam. 258 00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:12,003 - Bonsoir. Welcome to le bernardoux. 259 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,439 - Holy crap. 260 00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:20,245 - Uh, we're with the whelan party. 261 00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,080 - Yes, your hosts have arrived already. 262 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,382 I'll be glad to take you to your table. 263 00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,051 - Am I going to have to tip this guy? 264 00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,253 - No. We'll seat ourselves, thank you. 265 00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:30,922 Come on, let's go. 266 00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,223 - What's with your parents? 267 00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:35,060 It's like the first time they've worn shoes. 268 00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:36,394 - Ray. 269 00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:40,799 - What? What is it? 270 00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,935 With those dressed-up waiters? 271 00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:46,371 - Yeah. What's wrong with dressed-up waiters? 272 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,740 - They give me the willies. 273 00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:49,774 Always putting you on the spot. 274 00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,976 It's like-- authority figures. 275 00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:53,044 - Authority figures? 276 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,245 You're a police sergeant, okay? 277 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:57,449 You outrank the waiter. 278 00:11:57,451 --> 00:11:59,984 - Yeah, but how's he going to know? 279 00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:02,787 - Come on. It'll be all right. Come on. 280 00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:04,322 - Hi. 281 00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,491 - Officer robert. - Hello. 282 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,026 - How are you? 283 00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,361 - Hi. 284 00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,497 - Hello, robert. - How are you? 285 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,499 - How's police work treating you? 286 00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:15,767 - Oh, you know. 287 00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:16,968 One day you're rescuing a puppy, 288 00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,269 And the next day 289 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,505 You're fishing a skull out of a toilet. 290 00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,878 - Good evening. - Good evening. 291 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:30,949 - I am gerard. 292 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,951 Here are your menus. 293 00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,152 - Oh, excuse me, 294 00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:36,921 But there's so much silverware on the table. 295 00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,758 What's all the silverware for? 296 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,059 - For you to eat with, madame. 297 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,794 - Oh, no, no, no. That's too much. 298 00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:45,764 Oh, no, look. I mean, that's wasteful. 299 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:49,234 I got five forks. Take three back. 300 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,235 And all these plates. 301 00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:51,803 That means extra washing. 302 00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,938 Give me your plates. Go ahead. 303 00:12:56,408 --> 00:12:57,842 - Yeah, me, too. 304 00:12:57,844 --> 00:12:59,310 I don't need all these glasses. 305 00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:02,347 How many mouths do you think I got? 306 00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:03,515 - I have too many parents. 307 00:13:03,517 --> 00:13:06,017 Could you take one of them, please? 308 00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:09,521 - I'll be back shortly with tonight's specials. 309 00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:11,356 - What kind of food do they serve here? 310 00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,191 - I believe it's french. 311 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:14,893 - Ever been to France? 312 00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:17,395 - Oh, no, no. We're not world travelers. 313 00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,130 - Oh, France is so lovely. 314 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,932 You have to go. 315 00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:24,068 - I don't appreciate the french-- 316 00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:26,070 As a people. 317 00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:28,173 I find them-- 318 00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,308 Annoying. 319 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,843 Truly. 320 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:35,547 - You're an interesting man. 321 00:13:36,949 --> 00:13:38,149 - Remember that time in provence? 322 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:41,219 - Oh, this is funny. 323 00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:44,389 - We were in provence, and I asked our waiter, 324 00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,291 "what are all these little herbs 325 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,259 Sprinkled on everything?" 326 00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,128 And the waiter says, 327 00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,463 "herbs de provence." 328 00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:56,534 - Oh, warren. 329 00:13:58,070 --> 00:13:59,070 - Fresh bread? 330 00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:00,471 - Here we go. 331 00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:04,042 - Hey, look at this. 332 00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,511 Look at all that bread, huh? 333 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:09,180 Boy, I'm so glad we came here. 334 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,149 - You got any rye bread? 335 00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:13,384 - No, sir, I'm sorry, we do not. 336 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,186 - I like rye bread. 337 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:16,921 - Well, they don't have any, dad. 338 00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:18,389 - I'll have a baguette over here. 339 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:19,858 - You got all these kinds of breads. 340 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:24,863 What do you do when jewish people come in here? 341 00:14:26,131 --> 00:14:28,199 - Would you like to speak with the manager, sir? 342 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,134 - Is he jewish? 343 00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:33,204 - Dad, just take a roll, okay? 344 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,206 Sorry, man. 345 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,275 - Hey, don't apologize. 346 00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,143 The customer is always right. 347 00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:40,378 Am I right? 348 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:43,248 - I would never argue with you, frank. 349 00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:45,416 - I don't get these places. 350 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,318 - Perhaps you'd like to hear tonight's specials. 351 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,287 - Please. - In addition to the menu, 352 00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:52,123 The chef has prepared a crab in a puff pastry. 353 00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:53,224 It's a dungeness crab 354 00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:54,926 In a light butter and garlic sauce-- 355 00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:56,427 - How much is that? 356 00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:57,528 - It's $32, sir. 357 00:14:57,530 --> 00:15:00,098 - Ohh! - Jeezaloo! 358 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,432 - Now, frank, 359 00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:04,235 You're not allowed to look at the prices tonight. 360 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,937 - Warren, wake up, will you? 361 00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:09,908 This guy's got both his hands in your pocket! 362 00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:12,076 - Look, could we have a minute here, please? 363 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,045 - Certainly. Thank you. 364 00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:16,547 - Thanks. 365 00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:19,484 This guy's really workin' me. 366 00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:22,587 - Frank, I assure you, uh, it's okay. 367 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,322 We've been here before. 368 00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:27,025 - So you don't even know when you're being taken. 369 00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:28,526 - Dad, nobody's being taken, all right? 370 00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:31,362 Calm down. Just try to enjoy yourself. 371 00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:34,399 - Frank has an eye for value. 372 00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:36,567 - You're really comfortable in a place like this? 373 00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:39,037 I mean, it seems so unnecessary. 374 00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,372 - Of course it's not necessary, marie. 375 00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:42,674 It's a luxury. 376 00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:47,111 But sometimes a little luxury is necessary. 377 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,547 - What does that mean? 378 00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,050 - See, marie, every once in a while, 379 00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:56,020 My family just likes to try and enjoy life. 380 00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:58,489 - Well, I guess we just don't understand. 381 00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:02,393 - Well, not everyone can understand everything. 382 00:16:03,662 --> 00:16:05,563 - What's that supposed to mean? 383 00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:07,465 - It's all right, dad. It's okay. 384 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,266 - You taking their side now? 385 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:09,534 - I'm-- 386 00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:11,269 - Is anyone else-- 387 00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:13,271 Hot and cold? 388 00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:18,376 - Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. 389 00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,378 - Of course it's not a good idea. 390 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:23,047 It's a bad idea. It's a very bad idea. 391 00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:24,582 What, am I the only one who can see this? 392 00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:26,250 - Ray, what are you doing? 393 00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:29,053 - These people shouldn't be at the same table together. 394 00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:30,655 They shouldn't be in the same state. 395 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,390 My parents like to stay home and watch tv, 396 00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:35,093 And your parents honeymoon in cambodia. 397 00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,428 - Excuse me. Sri lanka. 398 00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:38,396 - Well, who cares? 399 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:39,564 - Ray! 400 00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:41,299 - I mean I care, I care, okay? 401 00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:42,600 And I know you care, 402 00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:44,135 'cause that's the kind of people you are. 403 00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:45,336 You like to make jokes about herbs 404 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,704 That nobody gets, 405 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:49,173 And you go to France, and you go to stomp, 406 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,109 And you go to some basement in a village 407 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:54,746 To watch a transvestite carve a yam into a monkey. 408 00:16:58,617 --> 00:17:00,451 - Why, ray, 409 00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:03,321 I had no idea you felt that way about us. 410 00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:06,657 - I don't, I don't. I don't feel that way. 411 00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:10,194 I don't. I'm just-- 412 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,530 I'm--I'm making conversation. 413 00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:33,384 - Don't you have to go to your house? 414 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,287 - I can't. I took your side. 415 00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:37,622 I may have to wait until the red cross tells me 416 00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,457 It's safe to go back. 417 00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:44,595 Boy, they were pretty mad, huh? 418 00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:45,730 - And you know what? 419 00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,166 Who could blame them? - What? 420 00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:50,835 I was mortified, the way you behaved tonight. 421 00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:51,836 - Me? 422 00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,172 - You blew the whole evening. 423 00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:55,840 Where did you learn your manners? 424 00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:57,341 - What are you talking about? 425 00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:59,077 - Great dinner, raymond. 426 00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,746 I think I'll go to my room and chew on some jerky. 427 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,784 - Marie, cook something, will you? 428 00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:10,288 Thanks to your son, we didn't even get to eat. 429 00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:14,559 - I got some frozen ziti and some leftover turkey. 430 00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:18,429 - Not exactly four-star, is it? 431 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,231 - You embarrassed us. 432 00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:21,532 - Wait a minute. I don't get you guys. 433 00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:22,800 You didn't want to go. 434 00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:23,868 You complained the whole time. 435 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,436 What are you mad at me for? 436 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,437 - You were rude. 437 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,705 - I was rude? 438 00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:30,308 - Yes. We didn't raise you like that. 439 00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,510 - You don't insult your host. 440 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:33,878 - Not to their face. 441 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,714 Where's your discretion? 442 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,749 - What are you talking about? 443 00:18:38,751 --> 00:18:41,219 I only said what I said because of you two. 444 00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:42,720 - What did we do? 445 00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,288 - What did you do? 446 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:47,158 It was like the night the hillbillies landed. 447 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,128 - All I did was try to save the man some money. 448 00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:54,765 Going on about yams and transvestites, dear. 449 00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,200 - I'll tell you something else. 450 00:18:56,202 --> 00:18:57,301 There were things on that menu 451 00:18:57,303 --> 00:19:00,171 I could have gone for right now. 452 00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:01,305 - I thought you knew more 453 00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,508 About what being a family meant. 454 00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,276 I mean, what would happen to the world 455 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:10,148 If everybody told their families what they actually thought? 456 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,884 - Maybe you should think before you speak. 457 00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:22,627 - Ohh--I'm a man without a country. 458 00:19:36,608 --> 00:19:39,610 Oh, you're up. 459 00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:40,678 - I couldn't believe you tonight, ray. 460 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,614 You were so rude. 461 00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:46,717 - Good. It's unanimous. 462 00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:47,718 - Let me ask you something. 463 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:48,886 Do you know how many things 464 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:51,589 I can find wrong with your parents? 465 00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:55,193 - Oh, that's like asking how many rocks are there. 466 00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:58,729 - How would you like it if I marched over there right now 467 00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,364 And told your parents 468 00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,300 All the things that I didn't like about them? 469 00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:05,303 - Great. I'll get the video camera. 470 00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:06,837 - Narrow-minded, intrusive, 471 00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,739 Completely insensitive, 472 00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:10,708 Oblivious, and cheap. 473 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,377 - Okay, now let's do my mother. 474 00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:14,712 - I am serious, ray. 475 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:15,947 - I know. 476 00:20:15,949 --> 00:20:17,615 - Except I would never say anything 477 00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,350 Because the closeness of this family 478 00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,552 Is very important to me. 479 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,255 - Yeah. Evenings like this. 480 00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,424 I--look, I'm sorry. 481 00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:27,925 I'm very sorry. Really. 482 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,961 - Yes. You're sorry. What are you sorry for? 483 00:20:29,963 --> 00:20:33,431 - I'm sorry we have parents. 484 00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:34,899 - Come on, ray. 485 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,334 - I'm sor--look, 486 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,535 I didn't want to insult them. 487 00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:38,836 I was embarrassed, that's all. 488 00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,705 I was embarrassed, and I snapped. 489 00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:42,240 I didn't want to insult your parents. 490 00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,575 I'm sorry I ruined the evening. 491 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,844 - What else? 492 00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:49,013 - There's a what else? 493 00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:50,982 - You're going to call my parents tomorrow 494 00:20:50,984 --> 00:20:54,385 - Yes, of course. I look forward to it. 495 00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:55,586 I'd call them right now, 496 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,321 But they're probably at a midnight show 497 00:20:57,323 --> 00:20:59,490 Of mummenschanz. 498 00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:05,730 Come on. 499 00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,298 Please, just forgive me, all right? 500 00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:08,633 I'll throw in a dinner for two 501 00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:12,003 At le bernardoux. 502 00:21:12,005 --> 00:21:14,338 - Does it have to be with you? 503 00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:17,275 - Yes. You're stuck with me. 504 00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:19,377 Hmm? Okay? 505 00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:20,678 - Okay. 506 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,314 Jerk. 507 00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:25,049 You know what really worried me tonight, ray, 508 00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:27,418 Is you started to remind me of your parents. 509 00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:30,921 - Oh, hey, there's no need to name-call. 510 00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:32,290 - The other thing that bothered me 511 00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:34,492 Is I think I'm a little bit like mine. 512 00:21:34,494 --> 00:21:35,793 - Yeah, but, see, there's a difference. 513 00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:36,827 - What? 514 00:21:36,829 --> 00:21:38,696 - I don't mind you. 515 00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:41,666 - I guess I don't mind you either. 516 00:21:41,668 --> 00:21:43,401 - Hey, our wedding vows. 517 00:21:43,403 --> 00:21:44,802 - Yeah. 518 00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:50,007 - So we just made up. - Mmm. 519 00:21:50,009 --> 00:21:53,411 - I think it might be time for make-up sex. 520 00:21:53,413 --> 00:21:55,379 - Does it have to be with you? 35420

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