All language subtitles for Burb Patrol s01e03 Hans in the House.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,243 --> 00:00:03,563 [Alex] Yeah we need some healthier snacks for the break room by the way 2 00:00:04,843 --> 00:00:07,323 Okay you know the union is not required to give you healthy 3 00:00:07,323 --> 00:00:11,643 snacks let it know any snacks but if you want a list what would that be? 4 00:00:11,643 --> 00:00:16,203 I don't know something besides candy and chips, maybe some fruit, nuts? 5 00:00:17,003 --> 00:00:21,323 Oh nuts now we're talking. You know I really like pistachios 6 00:00:21,323 --> 00:00:24,266 I love pistachios! [Randall] yeah 7 00:00:24,266 --> 00:00:26,875 see pistachios would ,be great I get the ones already deshelled. 8 00:00:26,875 --> 00:00:34,043 Whoa whoa whoa wait wait don't no no see that that's cheating okay the whole point of eating pistachios is the glorious moment you get when you get 9 00:00:34,043 --> 00:00:37,723 the pearl in the middle see that's the problem with you gen z kids. 10 00:00:37,723 --> 00:00:40,263 Look, I like busting nuts as much as the next person. 11 00:00:40,263 --> 00:00:40,763 Look, I like busting nuts as much as the next person. [Randall] Oh my gosh...- 12 00:00:40,763 --> 00:00:46,443 ...-but you have such a big stance on me buying shellless pistachios that you want to make it an entire 13 00:00:46,443 --> 00:00:51,563 generational issue? By the way you get more per bag when you buy them without the shells 14 00:00:51,563 --> 00:00:52,523 [Randall] No [Alex] strategy 15 00:00:52,523 --> 00:00:57,483 [Randall] no no that's not true I googled it all right you do your research you would know 16 00:00:57,483 --> 00:01:01,483 that the price per pound if you deduct the weight of the shells, it's the same weight. 17 00:01:02,203 --> 00:01:04,612 Who the [__] researches pistachios? 18 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 19 00:01:15,403 --> 00:01:17,323 All right we got to do a lot of patrolling of the 20 00:01:17,323 --> 00:01:19,963 neighborhood we got to make sure everything is completely straight. 21 00:01:19,963 --> 00:01:21,243 Seems like a lot of walking 22 00:01:21,243 --> 00:01:22,923 Man it's the job 23 00:01:24,363 --> 00:01:29,563 We need a patrol car down here right now on uh Dexter Street we got a 29 29 somebody breaking in. 24 00:01:29,563 --> 00:01:30,203 [Over Radio] Copy that 25 00:01:30,203 --> 00:01:32,043 [Alex] Uh excuse me 26 00:01:32,043 --> 00:01:33,963 Yeah [Randall] Hello hello hello 27 00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:34,923 Yeah [Hans] What? 28 00:01:34,923 --> 00:01:38,603 Would you mind telling us why you're trying to break into the Gilmore's house through the window? 29 00:01:38,603 --> 00:01:41,802 Yeah oh i i apologize i heard your mother was giving blow jobs in there 30 00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:42,302 [Randall]What? 31 00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:44,182 [Alex] [__] watch you okay my mom is a saint. 32 00:01:44,182 --> 00:01:46,564 [Hans]Oh yeah yeah she is saint the saint blow jobs. 33 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:48,156 [Alex] I swear to god okay do not push me. 34 00:01:48,156 --> 00:01:50,408 Let's go [__] Handle this Randall. 35 00:01:50,408 --> 00:01:55,802 I got this I'm a veteran... sir, yeah you're a funny guy y'all okay but we called the cops 36 00:01:56,363 --> 00:01:58,843 you know it's not funny? going to jail. 37 00:01:59,403 --> 00:02:03,403 Well as long as there are conjugal visits so i can still satisfy Alex's mother I'll be okay. 38 00:02:03,403 --> 00:02:03,723 What? 39 00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:04,683 How do you know my name? 40 00:02:04,683 --> 00:02:07,083 I told you I'm [__] your mother she talks to me about you all the 41 00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:10,843 time she's very disappointed in you Alex thankfully i never disappoint her. 42 00:02:10,843 --> 00:02:13,243 I swear to god i will slap you okay, you understand me? 43 00:02:13,243 --> 00:02:16,283 Oh what a coincidence your mother likes for me to slap her. 44 00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:22,683 Wait wait let me handle it, look okay let me handle i just need to clarify something 45 00:02:22,683 --> 00:02:28,283 right quick alright let me just focus are you having a romantic relationship with his other? 46 00:02:28,283 --> 00:02:32,843 dude [__] come on man he doesn't know my mom he's [__] with us man 47 00:02:32,843 --> 00:02:35,883 I wish you wouldn't curse so much on the job be a professional 48 00:02:35,883 --> 00:02:37,403 Yeah, be professional 49 00:02:37,403 --> 00:02:39,083 Alright, it's protocol to ask these types of 50 00:02:39,083 --> 00:02:42,283 questions if there is a relationship between a suspect or family member. 51 00:02:42,283 --> 00:02:44,763 [Alex]He doesn't know her 52 00:02:44,763 --> 00:02:48,843 [Hans]Oh don't believe him next week we have a holiday�plan we are going to Napa Valley. Yeah you should 53 00:02:48,843 --> 00:02:51,803 see the [__] after a couple of white Zinfandels she gets very loose everything comes off. 54 00:02:51,803 --> 00:02:55,803 [Randall] Okay okay okay is that a joke or should i document this? 55 00:02:55,803 --> 00:02:57,643 [Alex] Come on, man it's a joke 56 00:02:57,643 --> 00:02:59,963 Look i need to know why you're trying to break into Gilmore's house! 57 00:02:59,963 --> 00:03:00,463 Answer him 58 00:03:01,163 --> 00:03:04,363 I am living with the Gilmores you idiots. 59 00:03:04,363 --> 00:03:05,723 Is that truthful? 60 00:03:05,723 --> 00:03:08,603 Yeah that was a fact, you see Alex's mother threw 61 00:03:08,603 --> 00:03:11,083 me out to the house after trying to negotiate a three-way with his sister. 62 00:03:11,083 --> 00:03:13,963 They are angels! They are angels! 63 00:03:13,963 --> 00:03:15,883 You want to go i know krav maga [__] 64 00:03:15,883 --> 00:03:18,122 [Over radio] Hey guys cops are on their way 65 00:03:18,122 --> 00:03:22,603 also the Gilmores said that they have their european cousin coming in today they left a set 66 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:26,443 of keys for us to give to him, but they haven't been able to get a hold of him for some reason 67 00:03:26,443 --> 00:03:30,843 can you guys maybe take them over there after this? See if you can find him. His name's Hans. 68 00:03:33,643 --> 00:03:35,883 [Alex on radio] You can tell the police it's a false alarm 69 00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:39,163 Well I guess your boys wouldn't mind giving me a ride then it's 70 00:03:39,163 --> 00:03:41,083 okay we call it in for the one I gave your mother last night. 71 00:03:41,083 --> 00:03:42,443 I swear to god I'll kill you 72 00:03:43,403 --> 00:03:46,363 I was about to kill that euro trash [__] 73 00:03:46,363 --> 00:03:50,523 Since i don't have definitive proof I'm not gonna file any paperwork 74 00:03:50,523 --> 00:03:59,883 however I'm not at all totally convinced that Hans isn't having sexual intercourse with Alex's mom 75 00:04:04,523 --> 00:04:05,083 What are you doing? 76 00:04:05,803 --> 00:04:07,723 I just want a couple more pistachios. 77 00:04:07,723 --> 00:04:09,723 You already had half okay 78 00:04:09,723 --> 00:04:12,443 Is there a pistachio protocol, would you give me more? 79 00:04:12,443 --> 00:04:15,003 No protocol everyone knows it's common courtesy okay? 80 00:04:15,003 --> 00:04:18,203 There's about a hundred pistachios in the bag and you already have 50. 81 00:04:19,643 --> 00:04:23,563 Who are you pistachio rain man just give me a couple more Randall. 82 00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:28,443 Wait wait wait wait you're right I'm wrong 83 00:04:29,083 --> 00:04:34,443 you didn't have 50 you had 49. this put you at exactly half a bag enjoy. 84 00:04:39,723 --> 00:04:47,563 Okay, I'm taking you to Vegas. 85 00:04:47,563 --> 00:04:48,363 Attention units we have a report of a jogger passed out on Beeker St. 86 00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:49,883 I'll hold these 87 00:04:49,883 --> 00:04:50,843 No you get off my nuts! 88 00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:59,003 It's worse than i thought okay listen I'm gonna need you to perform CPR alex. 89 00:04:59,003 --> 00:04:59,243 What? 90 00:04:59,243 --> 00:05:01,883 I trained you for this okay just remember pump her chest 91 00:05:01,883 --> 00:05:04,043 to the beat three times stand alive by Bee Gees 92 00:05:04,043 --> 00:05:07,163 Got it, yeah, what song is that again? 93 00:05:08,123 --> 00:05:11,003 Oh your favorite tick tock by the girls she was dancing with the duck. 94 00:05:11,003 --> 00:05:12,363 Oh that shits hilarious yeah 95 00:05:12,363 --> 00:05:12,863 Here we go 96 00:05:14,283 --> 00:05:18,923 Okay she is breathing though She's breathing so 97 00:05:18,923 --> 00:05:22,603 Oh okay all right uh we got we need a paramedic down to the south side of 98 00:05:22,603 --> 00:05:27,003 the park we got a jogger that's incapacitated ambulance okay. 99 00:05:29,803 --> 00:05:32,043 Gentlemen allow me to help I'm a doctor 100 00:05:32,043 --> 00:05:34,043 What Mr Clayton you're a doctor? 101 00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:36,283 Yes Dr Keen chiropractic 102 00:05:37,243 --> 00:05:39,563 Oh i don't think she hurt her back back up please back up back 103 00:05:39,563 --> 00:05:42,043 If she's got a kink in her neck we'll call you okay back off 104 00:05:42,043 --> 00:05:44,202 I went to med school I'm a doctor damn it 105 00:05:44,202 --> 00:05:48,923 Sir would you stop quoting Star Trek lines this is not the time serious matter backup 106 00:05:49,803 --> 00:05:52,363 You need to make sure her clothes aren't constricting her ability to 107 00:05:52,363 --> 00:05:55,243 breathe and you got to make sure her feet are 12 inches above her heart. 108 00:05:55,243 --> 00:05:58,043 You get your back back up okay all right we cannot afford the 109 00:05:58,043 --> 00:06:01,563 liability of an unqualified person trying to perform CPR on someone. 110 00:06:01,563 --> 00:06:03,163 We would let a dentist touch her before you 111 00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:08,923 Those guys are real jerks. I was highest in my class at UCLA. I am a doctor. 112 00:06:10,043 --> 00:06:13,083 Oh oh my god ma'am are you okay 113 00:06:13,083 --> 00:06:14,763 I was about to break your sternum 114 00:06:14,763 --> 00:06:20,443 Yes i i think i just fainted I'm on day four this juice cleanse i just really don't work out 115 00:06:20,443 --> 00:06:21,723 Yeah lemonade diet? 116 00:06:21,723 --> 00:06:24,923 Yeah you need any water or anything let us know okay we've got an ambulance on the way. 117 00:06:24,923 --> 00:06:25,423 Thank you 118 00:06:26,043 --> 00:06:26,843 Are you okay barbara? 119 00:06:26,843 --> 00:06:27,643 Don't touch her! 120 00:06:28,203 --> 00:06:30,843 Oh Clayton hi what are you doing here? 121 00:06:30,843 --> 00:06:33,243 Well I was trying to help but these guys wouldn't let me. 122 00:06:33,243 --> 00:06:37,003 Well I'm sure for legal reasons they couldn't i mean they are CPR certified 123 00:06:37,003 --> 00:06:40,043 and you're just a chiropractor I mean i don't think i hurt my back 124 00:06:40,043 --> 00:06:42,823 Yes that's literally what he said. Exactly what I said. 125 00:06:42,823 --> 00:06:44,043 God we have so much in common. 126 00:06:44,843 --> 00:06:51,323 You know what screw you guys i don't deserve this i went to medical school alright 127 00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:52,843 Oh Devry has a medical school 128 00:06:54,523 --> 00:06:56,683 Oh [__] i think i did hurt my neck 129 00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:58,363 Oh by your back right? 130 00:06:58,363 --> 00:06:58,683 Yeah 131 00:06:58,683 --> 00:07:01,323 Oh we do need you hey get back here please one second. 132 00:07:01,323 --> 00:07:06,123 When Lebron James hurt his back he didn't go see a dentist no he went to go see a 133 00:07:06,123 --> 00:07:11,963 chiropractor he went to me! No no he didn't go to me but he he went to a chiropractor 134 00:07:12,523 --> 00:07:17,483 As far as doctors go i would definitely rank chiropractors at the bottom of the list 135 00:07:17,483 --> 00:07:21,483 next to dentists or someone with a phd in philosophy 136 00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:27,403 Hello if it isn't my stepson, be a good boy and bring Papa a Hefeweizen out of a cooler. 137 00:07:28,843 --> 00:07:30,203 I'm about to lose this job 138 00:07:31,163 --> 00:07:34,523 Relax relax do not let him get to you okay 139 00:07:34,523 --> 00:07:38,123 it's your duty to protect members of the community including him 140 00:07:39,403 --> 00:07:41,163 Hey Alex, what's up? Do you like the techno? 141 00:07:41,163 --> 00:07:44,603 No I don't like say techno matter of fact you have to turn that [__] down right now 142 00:07:44,603 --> 00:07:49,403 Oh funny last night your mother told me to turn it up so the neighbors wouldn't hear her screams and 143 00:07:49,403 --> 00:07:54,763 pleasures. We made love to Emily's ascension mix number 72. that's a three-hour mix baby 144 00:07:54,763 --> 00:07:56,202 She said she was in book club 145 00:07:56,202 --> 00:07:57,563 Yeah i booked it with my dick 146 00:07:57,563 --> 00:07:59,323 Handle this Randall you better handle it 147 00:07:59,323 --> 00:08:01,323 I got it, how's It going Mr Hans. 148 00:08:01,323 --> 00:08:03,163 Oh hey Randall, how are you? i like you 149 00:08:03,163 --> 00:08:07,243 How are you doing? Thank you um excuse my partner for his abrasiveness 150 00:08:07,243 --> 00:08:08,443 Yeah, tell your boy to calm down. 151 00:08:08,443 --> 00:08:12,923 Yes yes um he is correct though okay we do have a decimal level 152 00:08:12,923 --> 00:08:16,283 restrictions for music in the neighborhoods loud turn it down 153 00:08:16,283 --> 00:08:19,883 Oh I'm sorry Randall I will turn it down for you yes sorry about that 154 00:08:19,883 --> 00:08:23,803 Thank you you're you're new to the neighborhood you you don't know oh yeah thank you so much 155 00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:26,443 Yeah is that easy for you can just be one yeah 156 00:08:26,443 --> 00:08:31,163 By the way be careful drinking too many fluids yeah I think you know why. Yeah you may drink too 157 00:08:31,163 --> 00:08:35,403 much and have nowhere to urinate and then maybe later in a panic you urinate in that same cup 158 00:08:35,403 --> 00:08:38,443 and then maybe later you're driving and you throw the cup out the window 159 00:08:38,443 --> 00:08:43,243 having it unsuspectingly land on a whole family coming to visit the eldest son at university 160 00:08:43,243 --> 00:08:46,123 to console him after his father's passing this sound familiar? 161 00:08:46,123 --> 00:08:47,803 Okay dude how the [__] do you know all this? 162 00:08:47,803 --> 00:08:49,476 I told you I [__] your mother, I know everything about you! 163 00:08:49,476 --> 00:08:51,803 It's getting scary bro it's getting weird. 164 00:08:51,803 --> 00:08:52,923 Suck me alex! 165 00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,683 Who the [__] jogs with a cigarette? 166 00:08:54,683 --> 00:09:01,563 Okay relax relax relax relax it's cool can I ask you something though? 167 00:09:01,563 --> 00:09:02,063 What? 168 00:09:03,323 --> 00:09:09,083 You know I mean it's neither here there but is it true about you and the urine and the cup and then 169 00:09:09,083 --> 00:09:10,603 you know what's going on right now i mean 170 00:09:10,603 --> 00:09:12,443 It's just it's frightening oh 171 00:09:12,443 --> 00:09:13,963 No it's not true 172 00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:19,563 Don't believe him Randall! The doctor still goes to therapy 173 00:09:19,563 --> 00:09:21,963 God i don't even see him 174 00:09:21,963 --> 00:09:27,563 Okay so where is this the intimate nature of information that hans possesses 175 00:09:27,563 --> 00:09:35,883 has me once again wondering is he having sexual intercourse with alex's mom 176 00:09:36,305 --> 00:10:36,529 api.OpenSubtitles.org is deprecated, please implement REST API from OpenSubtitles.com 177 00:10:36,579 --> 00:10:41,129 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 16739

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