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1
00:00:01,243 --> 00:00:03,563
[Alex] Yeah we need some healthier snacks
for the break room by the way
2
00:00:04,843 --> 00:00:07,323
Okay you know the union is not
required to give you healthy
3
00:00:07,323 --> 00:00:11,643
snacks let it know any snacks but if
you want a list what would that be?
4
00:00:11,643 --> 00:00:16,203
I don't know something besides candy
and chips, maybe some fruit, nuts?
5
00:00:17,003 --> 00:00:21,323
Oh nuts now we're talking. You
know I really like pistachios
6
00:00:21,323 --> 00:00:24,266
I love pistachios!
[Randall] yeah
7
00:00:24,266 --> 00:00:26,875
see pistachios would ,be great I get the ones already deshelled.
8
00:00:26,875 --> 00:00:34,043
Whoa whoa whoa wait wait don't
no no see that that's cheating okay the whole point of eating pistachios is the glorious moment you get when you get
9
00:00:34,043 --> 00:00:37,723
the pearl in the middle see that's
the problem with you gen z kids.
10
00:00:37,723 --> 00:00:40,263
Look, I like busting nuts
as much as the next person.
11
00:00:40,263 --> 00:00:40,763
Look, I like busting nuts
as much as the next person. [Randall] Oh my gosh...-
12
00:00:40,763 --> 00:00:46,443
...-but you have such a big stance on me buying shellless pistachios that you want to make it an entire
13
00:00:46,443 --> 00:00:51,563
generational issue? By the way you get more
per bag when you buy them without the shells
14
00:00:51,563 --> 00:00:52,523
[Randall] No
[Alex] strategy
15
00:00:52,523 --> 00:00:57,483
[Randall] no no that's not true I googled it
all right you do your research you would know
16
00:00:57,483 --> 00:01:01,483
that the price per pound if you deduct the
weight of the shells, it's the same weight.
17
00:01:02,203 --> 00:01:04,612
Who the [__] researches pistachios?
18
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
19
00:01:15,403 --> 00:01:17,323
All right we got to do a lot of patrolling of the
20
00:01:17,323 --> 00:01:19,963
neighborhood we got to make sure
everything is completely straight.
21
00:01:19,963 --> 00:01:21,243
Seems like a lot of walking
22
00:01:21,243 --> 00:01:22,923
Man it's the job
23
00:01:24,363 --> 00:01:29,563
We need a patrol car down here right now on uh
Dexter Street we got a 29 29 somebody breaking in.
24
00:01:29,563 --> 00:01:30,203
[Over Radio] Copy that
25
00:01:30,203 --> 00:01:32,043
[Alex] Uh excuse me
26
00:01:32,043 --> 00:01:33,963
Yeah
[Randall] Hello hello hello
27
00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:34,923
Yeah
[Hans] What?
28
00:01:34,923 --> 00:01:38,603
Would you mind telling us why you're trying to
break into the Gilmore's house through the window?
29
00:01:38,603 --> 00:01:41,802
Yeah oh i i apologize i heard your
mother was giving blow jobs in there
30
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:42,302
[Randall]What?
31
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:44,182
[Alex] [__] watch you okay my mom is a saint.
32
00:01:44,182 --> 00:01:46,564
[Hans]Oh yeah yeah she is saint the saint blow jobs.
33
00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:48,156
[Alex] I swear to god okay do not push me.
34
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Let's go [__] Handle this Randall.
35
00:01:50,408 --> 00:01:55,802
I got this I'm a veteran... sir, yeah you're a
funny guy y'all okay but we called the cops
36
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you know it's not funny? going to jail.
37
00:01:59,403 --> 00:02:03,403
Well as long as there are conjugal visits so
i can still satisfy Alex's mother I'll be okay.
38
00:02:03,403 --> 00:02:03,723
What?
39
00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:04,683
How do you know my name?
40
00:02:04,683 --> 00:02:07,083
I told you I'm [__] your mother
she talks to me about you all the
41
00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:10,843
time she's very disappointed in you
Alex thankfully i never disappoint her.
42
00:02:10,843 --> 00:02:13,243
I swear to god i will slap
you okay, you understand me?
43
00:02:13,243 --> 00:02:16,283
Oh what a coincidence your
mother likes for me to slap her.
44
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:22,683
Wait wait let me handle it, look okay let
me handle i just need to clarify something
45
00:02:22,683 --> 00:02:28,283
right quick alright let me just focus are you
having a romantic relationship with his other?
46
00:02:28,283 --> 00:02:32,843
dude [__] come on man he doesn't
know my mom he's [__] with us man
47
00:02:32,843 --> 00:02:35,883
I wish you wouldn't curse so
much on the job be a professional
48
00:02:35,883 --> 00:02:37,403
Yeah, be professional
49
00:02:37,403 --> 00:02:39,083
Alright, it's protocol to ask these types of
50
00:02:39,083 --> 00:02:42,283
questions if there is a relationship
between a suspect or family member.
51
00:02:42,283 --> 00:02:44,763
[Alex]He doesn't know her
52
00:02:44,763 --> 00:02:48,843
[Hans]Oh don't believe him next week we have a holiday�plan we are going to Napa Valley. Yeah you should
53
00:02:48,843 --> 00:02:51,803
see the [__] after a couple of white Zinfandels
she gets very loose everything comes off.
54
00:02:51,803 --> 00:02:55,803
[Randall] Okay okay okay is that a joke
or should i document this?
55
00:02:55,803 --> 00:02:57,643
[Alex] Come on, man it's a joke
56
00:02:57,643 --> 00:02:59,963
Look i need to know why you're
trying to break into Gilmore's house!
57
00:02:59,963 --> 00:03:00,463
Answer him
58
00:03:01,163 --> 00:03:04,363
I am living with the Gilmores you idiots.
59
00:03:04,363 --> 00:03:05,723
Is that truthful?
60
00:03:05,723 --> 00:03:08,603
Yeah that was a fact, you see Alex's mother threw
61
00:03:08,603 --> 00:03:11,083
me out to the house after trying to
negotiate a three-way with his sister.
62
00:03:11,083 --> 00:03:13,963
They are angels! They are angels!
63
00:03:13,963 --> 00:03:15,883
You want to go i know krav maga [__]
64
00:03:15,883 --> 00:03:18,122
[Over radio] Hey guys cops are on their way
65
00:03:18,122 --> 00:03:22,603
also the Gilmores said that they have their
european cousin coming in today they left a set
66
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:26,443
of keys for us to give to him, but they haven't
been able to get a hold of him for some reason
67
00:03:26,443 --> 00:03:30,843
can you guys maybe take them over there after
this? See if you can find him. His name's Hans.
68
00:03:33,643 --> 00:03:35,883
[Alex on radio] You can tell the police it's a false alarm
69
00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:39,163
Well I guess your boys wouldn't
mind giving me a ride then it's
70
00:03:39,163 --> 00:03:41,083
okay we call it in for the one
I gave your mother last night.
71
00:03:41,083 --> 00:03:42,443
I swear to god I'll kill you
72
00:03:43,403 --> 00:03:46,363
I was about to kill that euro trash [__]
73
00:03:46,363 --> 00:03:50,523
Since i don't have definitive proof
I'm not gonna file any paperwork
74
00:03:50,523 --> 00:03:59,883
however I'm not at all totally convinced that Hans
isn't having sexual intercourse with Alex's mom
75
00:04:04,523 --> 00:04:05,083
What are you doing?
76
00:04:05,803 --> 00:04:07,723
I just want a couple more pistachios.
77
00:04:07,723 --> 00:04:09,723
You already had half okay
78
00:04:09,723 --> 00:04:12,443
Is there a pistachio protocol,
would you give me more?
79
00:04:12,443 --> 00:04:15,003
No protocol everyone knows
it's common courtesy okay?
80
00:04:15,003 --> 00:04:18,203
There's about a hundred pistachios
in the bag and you already have 50.
81
00:04:19,643 --> 00:04:23,563
Who are you pistachio rain man
just give me a couple more Randall.
82
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:28,443
Wait wait wait wait you're right I'm wrong
83
00:04:29,083 --> 00:04:34,443
you didn't have 50 you had 49. this
put you at exactly half a bag enjoy.
84
00:04:39,723 --> 00:04:47,563
Okay, I'm taking you to Vegas.
85
00:04:47,563 --> 00:04:48,363
Attention units we have a report of
a jogger passed out on Beeker St.
86
00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:49,883
I'll hold these
87
00:04:49,883 --> 00:04:50,843
No you get off my nuts!
88
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:59,003
It's worse than i thought okay listen
I'm gonna need you to perform CPR alex.
89
00:04:59,003 --> 00:04:59,243
What?
90
00:04:59,243 --> 00:05:01,883
I trained you for this okay
just remember pump her chest
91
00:05:01,883 --> 00:05:04,043
to the beat three times stand alive by Bee Gees
92
00:05:04,043 --> 00:05:07,163
Got it, yeah, what song is that again?
93
00:05:08,123 --> 00:05:11,003
Oh your favorite tick tock by the
girls she was dancing with the duck.
94
00:05:11,003 --> 00:05:12,363
Oh that shits hilarious yeah
95
00:05:12,363 --> 00:05:12,863
Here we go
96
00:05:14,283 --> 00:05:18,923
Okay she is breathing though She's breathing so
97
00:05:18,923 --> 00:05:22,603
Oh okay all right uh we got we need
a paramedic down to the south side of
98
00:05:22,603 --> 00:05:27,003
the park we got a jogger that's
incapacitated ambulance okay.
99
00:05:29,803 --> 00:05:32,043
Gentlemen allow me to help I'm a doctor
100
00:05:32,043 --> 00:05:34,043
What Mr Clayton you're a doctor?
101
00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:36,283
Yes Dr Keen chiropractic
102
00:05:37,243 --> 00:05:39,563
Oh i don't think she hurt her
back back up please back up back
103
00:05:39,563 --> 00:05:42,043
If she's got a kink in her neck
we'll call you okay back off
104
00:05:42,043 --> 00:05:44,202
I went to med school I'm a doctor damn it
105
00:05:44,202 --> 00:05:48,923
Sir would you stop quoting Star Trek lines
this is not the time serious matter backup
106
00:05:49,803 --> 00:05:52,363
You need to make sure her clothes
aren't constricting her ability to
107
00:05:52,363 --> 00:05:55,243
breathe and you got to make sure her
feet are 12 inches above her heart.
108
00:05:55,243 --> 00:05:58,043
You get your back back up okay
all right we cannot afford the
109
00:05:58,043 --> 00:06:01,563
liability of an unqualified person
trying to perform CPR on someone.
110
00:06:01,563 --> 00:06:03,163
We would let a dentist touch her before you
111
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:08,923
Those guys are real jerks. I was highest
in my class at UCLA. I am a doctor.
112
00:06:10,043 --> 00:06:13,083
Oh oh my god ma'am are you okay
113
00:06:13,083 --> 00:06:14,763
I was about to break your sternum
114
00:06:14,763 --> 00:06:20,443
Yes i i think i just fainted I'm on day four
this juice cleanse i just really don't work out
115
00:06:20,443 --> 00:06:21,723
Yeah lemonade diet?
116
00:06:21,723 --> 00:06:24,923
Yeah you need any water or anything let us
know okay we've got an ambulance on the way.
117
00:06:24,923 --> 00:06:25,423
Thank you
118
00:06:26,043 --> 00:06:26,843
Are you okay barbara?
119
00:06:26,843 --> 00:06:27,643
Don't touch her!
120
00:06:28,203 --> 00:06:30,843
Oh Clayton hi what are you doing here?
121
00:06:30,843 --> 00:06:33,243
Well I was trying to help but
these guys wouldn't let me.
122
00:06:33,243 --> 00:06:37,003
Well I'm sure for legal reasons they
couldn't i mean they are CPR certified
123
00:06:37,003 --> 00:06:40,043
and you're just a chiropractor I
mean i don't think i hurt my back
124
00:06:40,043 --> 00:06:42,823
Yes that's literally what he said.
Exactly what I said.
125
00:06:42,823 --> 00:06:44,043
God we have so much in common.
126
00:06:44,843 --> 00:06:51,323
You know what screw you guys i don't deserve
this i went to medical school alright
127
00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:52,843
Oh Devry has a medical school
128
00:06:54,523 --> 00:06:56,683
Oh [__] i think i did hurt my neck
129
00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:58,363
Oh by your back right?
130
00:06:58,363 --> 00:06:58,683
Yeah
131
00:06:58,683 --> 00:07:01,323
Oh we do need you hey get
back here please one second.
132
00:07:01,323 --> 00:07:06,123
When Lebron James hurt his back he didn't
go see a dentist no he went to go see a
133
00:07:06,123 --> 00:07:11,963
chiropractor he went to me! No no he didn't
go to me but he he went to a chiropractor
134
00:07:12,523 --> 00:07:17,483
As far as doctors go i would definitely
rank chiropractors at the bottom of the list
135
00:07:17,483 --> 00:07:21,483
next to dentists or someone
with a phd in philosophy
136
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:27,403
Hello if it isn't my stepson, be a good boy
and bring Papa a Hefeweizen out of a cooler.
137
00:07:28,843 --> 00:07:30,203
I'm about to lose this job
138
00:07:31,163 --> 00:07:34,523
Relax relax do not let him get to you okay
139
00:07:34,523 --> 00:07:38,123
it's your duty to protect members
of the community including him
140
00:07:39,403 --> 00:07:41,163
Hey Alex, what's up? Do you like the techno?
141
00:07:41,163 --> 00:07:44,603
No I don't like say techno matter of fact
you have to turn that [__] down right now
142
00:07:44,603 --> 00:07:49,403
Oh funny last night your mother told me to turn it
up so the neighbors wouldn't hear her screams and
143
00:07:49,403 --> 00:07:54,763
pleasures. We made love to Emily's ascension
mix number 72. that's a three-hour mix baby
144
00:07:54,763 --> 00:07:56,202
She said she was in book club
145
00:07:56,202 --> 00:07:57,563
Yeah i booked it with my dick
146
00:07:57,563 --> 00:07:59,323
Handle this Randall you better handle it
147
00:07:59,323 --> 00:08:01,323
I got it, how's It going Mr Hans.
148
00:08:01,323 --> 00:08:03,163
Oh hey Randall, how are you? i like you
149
00:08:03,163 --> 00:08:07,243
How are you doing? Thank you um
excuse my partner for his abrasiveness
150
00:08:07,243 --> 00:08:08,443
Yeah, tell your boy to calm down.
151
00:08:08,443 --> 00:08:12,923
Yes yes um he is correct though
okay we do have a decimal level
152
00:08:12,923 --> 00:08:16,283
restrictions for music in the
neighborhoods loud turn it down
153
00:08:16,283 --> 00:08:19,883
Oh I'm sorry Randall I will turn it
down for you yes sorry about that
154
00:08:19,883 --> 00:08:23,803
Thank you you're you're new to the neighborhood
you you don't know oh yeah thank you so much
155
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:26,443
Yeah is that easy for you can just be one yeah
156
00:08:26,443 --> 00:08:31,163
By the way be careful drinking too many fluids
yeah I think you know why. Yeah you may drink too
157
00:08:31,163 --> 00:08:35,403
much and have nowhere to urinate and then maybe
later in a panic you urinate in that same cup
158
00:08:35,403 --> 00:08:38,443
and then maybe later you're driving
and you throw the cup out the window
159
00:08:38,443 --> 00:08:43,243
having it unsuspectingly land on a whole family
coming to visit the eldest son at university
160
00:08:43,243 --> 00:08:46,123
to console him after his father's
passing this sound familiar?
161
00:08:46,123 --> 00:08:47,803
Okay dude how the [__] do you know all this?
162
00:08:47,803 --> 00:08:49,476
I told you I [__] your mother,
I know everything about you!
163
00:08:49,476 --> 00:08:51,803
It's getting scary bro it's getting weird.
164
00:08:51,803 --> 00:08:52,923
Suck me alex!
165
00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,683
Who the [__] jogs with a cigarette?
166
00:08:54,683 --> 00:09:01,563
Okay relax relax relax relax it's
cool can I ask you something though?
167
00:09:01,563 --> 00:09:02,063
What?
168
00:09:03,323 --> 00:09:09,083
You know I mean it's neither here there but is it
true about you and the urine and the cup and then
169
00:09:09,083 --> 00:09:10,603
you know what's going on right now i mean
170
00:09:10,603 --> 00:09:12,443
It's just it's frightening oh
171
00:09:12,443 --> 00:09:13,963
No it's not true
172
00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:19,563
Don't believe him Randall! The
doctor still goes to therapy
173
00:09:19,563 --> 00:09:21,963
God i don't even see him
174
00:09:21,963 --> 00:09:27,563
Okay so where is this the intimate
nature of information that hans possesses
175
00:09:27,563 --> 00:09:35,883
has me once again wondering is he having
sexual intercourse with alex's mom
176
00:09:36,305 --> 00:10:36,529
api.OpenSubtitles.org is deprecated, please
implement REST API from OpenSubtitles.com
177
00:10:36,579 --> 00:10:41,129
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