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My name is randall harrison I'm a 15-year
veteran of the force, I joined the force
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because i wanted to make a difference in the
community, as members of the west oak security
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detail we're here to be the last and first
line of defense, to keep this community safe.
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[Alex] well as safe as a gated,
elitist, suburban community could be...
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what's up uh I'm alex, 22, been on the
job for...two months? Why am i here?
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Rent, I guess got bills man you gotta pay
that [__] like every month or people get
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really mad. It's this, or only
fans. Probably chose wrong .
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Right now we're going to do a
little patrolling, visual deterrence
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you know uh... we want to let the
community know... we're out here
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[Over radio] Unit needed for
assistance, noise complaint
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All right we're on it.
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Yeah, you live for this [__] don't you?
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yes I do, sit back
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I'm just saying man we could be changing the
world instead of wasting taxpayers money.
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[Randall] we're not government-funded
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[Alex] still a waste
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[Dank Bank] Yo, whoever ordered
the strippers, they're here.
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[Alex] Yooooooo [____] you're
[______] DankBank, bro!
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Excuse me we're not strippers okay?
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You guys cops?
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[Both] No no. Not cops.
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Is there anybody...uh maybe your parent
or somebody at the house we can talk to?
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[Alex] you don't know who this is?
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No
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That's [__] Dank Bank bro! Bro, this
house is crazy bro ...[__] dankified bro.
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[Randall] listen listen up mr dankbank
we are the community security detail.
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So oh so hold on you just
said you're not cops then?
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No...yeah.
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So this is [__] like ENTRACTMENT bro,
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hold on you you know. Hold on, you're
going to hear from my lawyer, one second.
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00:02:02,763 --> 00:02:05,267
[Randall] Entractment? What
the [__] is entractment?
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00:02:05,267 --> 00:02:06,230
[Alex] That's not a word.
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[Randall] Entrapped in the closet?
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[Phone on Speaker]
YO
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[Derrick on Phone] What's Up?
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[DankBank] There is some cops
out here, trying to ENTRACT me.
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[Derrick] WTF?! I'll handle it.
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Dank Out.
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[Derrick] I'm his lawyer.
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California entrapment law prohibits law-abiding
citizens from being induced into committing crimes
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from... law enforcement... officials...
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[Alex] No no you got us all wrong we're not cops.
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Yeah, we're not cops, not at all.
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[Derrick] Bro these ain't the cops.
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oh they're not cops?
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No, we don't deal with stitches.
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Okay okay so then watch me crank it up!!
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00:02:39,803 --> 00:02:43,803
ah that's why we're here because
of the noise levels, we're getting
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complaints from neighbors about
it so we wanted to discuss...
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and? you guys aren't cops?
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can we just come inside and chat
about the noise level, please?
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ah, I'm afraid i can't do that
man, see the thing about it is
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we got a party boner going on right now and it
is raging, if you know what I'm saying okay?
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00:03:00,683 --> 00:03:04,923
If i let you guys in there it's gonna get real
soft, real quick...you know I'm talking about
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00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:08,843
eight shots of henny soft even if you get
felatied... it's still not working you gotta
56
00:03:08,843 --> 00:03:13,483
slap it against your thigh you still trying to
shove it in and it's not working that's how soft.
57
00:03:13,483 --> 00:03:16,603
Look it sounds delicious and
we don't want you to get soft.
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00:03:16,603 --> 00:03:18,683
Not in our hands, okay... it's your neighbors.
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00:03:18,683 --> 00:03:20,043
Right they want you to quiet down...
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00:03:21,163 --> 00:03:24,923
they boomers, you know how they are man...
what are you gonna do? Right? You know?
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00:03:24,923 --> 00:03:28,843
okay okay i get, what you're saying, I get
it, I get it, I get it...one question though...
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[Alex] what?
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00:03:29,563 --> 00:03:30,683
what if i don't give a [__]
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[Randall] all right! all right that
is your official first warning okay?!
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00:03:34,043 --> 00:03:39,323
no no no no no no if your noise raises up
above 80 decibels you're gonna be fined up to
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a thousand dollars okay buddy? all right and that
raises exponentially with every subsequent fine!
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00:03:45,003 --> 00:03:49,643
okay, so i didn't understand ninety percent
of what you just said...but i do know this...i
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00:03:49,643 --> 00:03:54,923
made eight million dollars last year. So i tell
you what, sign me up for a fine bro, actually,
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00:03:54,923 --> 00:04:01,083
give me 10 fines because my squad stays lit...all
right? and while we're on the subject your dank
70
00:04:01,083 --> 00:04:05,003
rank does not crank. So I'm gonna need
y'all to get the [__] off my property.
71
00:04:06,443 --> 00:04:09,243
You subscribed to him? Talk to him.
72
00:04:10,923 --> 00:04:15,803
I would like to apologize on behalf of my
partner, but how big is this party boner?
73
00:04:15,803 --> 00:04:18,683
Did somebody say that you could stay Paul Blart?
74
00:04:19,483 --> 00:04:22,443
Well i just figured... maybe
you could fit one more?
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No, I- No. Do you get what I'm saying? I was
just insulting you right now... Paul Blart
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00:04:26,203 --> 00:04:29,163
is a movie about a mall cop
that wasn't good at his job.
77
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I'mma google it.
78
00:04:32,283 --> 00:04:34,443
Check it out, and then you're gonna
watch it and you're gonna be like ah
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[__] he burned me.
Door Chimes Closed
80
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You know I could have used some help back there.
81
00:04:47,483 --> 00:04:51,003
What are you doing? You
watching his videos, again?
82
00:04:51,723 --> 00:04:54,843
No no that one was crab guts,
this is...this is fish guts.
83
00:04:54,843 --> 00:04:58,123
Okay, okay... so he pours fish guts on some
84
00:04:58,123 --> 00:05:01,963
car or whatever and says it's a prank
and that's supposed to be funny?
85
00:05:03,083 --> 00:05:03,963
Yeah, it is.
86
00:05:06,123 --> 00:05:07,723
It's kind of repetitive, I guess.
87
00:05:09,003 --> 00:05:12,603
Susan...Su...Susan, you you're such a
sweet lady but you know the rules,
88
00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:17,243
we go over this all the time, right? Lawn
ornaments are supposed to be waterfowl,
89
00:05:17,243 --> 00:05:23,483
woodland creatures or adorable mythical
folklore. Flamingos? are columbiane okay?
90
00:05:23,483 --> 00:05:25,243
No no no not my flamingos,
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00:05:25,243 --> 00:05:32,683
No, susan. Susan you know the rules, you know
the rules. Geeze, i have to tell her every time.
92
00:05:32,683 --> 00:05:38,202
[Alex watching video] Jesus,
his sign off is so pretentious.
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You were a lot of help back there.
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Looked like you had it.
95
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Couldn't carry one?
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[Over radio] Come in...there's
been a disturbance...on...street.
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Argh, not again.
98
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-Music Blaring-
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-Music cuts out-
100
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Oh hey guys...
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What the hell was that?
102
00:05:54,603 --> 00:05:57,723
Whatever do you mean?
The noise, what happened to the noise?
103
00:05:58,363 --> 00:06:03,883
Ah yeah see about that...well originally i was
gonna take the fines until my lawyer Derrick
104
00:06:03,883 --> 00:06:10,523
explained to me what EXBRONENTIAL meant. So we
decided to look into the rules ourselves and
105
00:06:10,523 --> 00:06:16,043
although you were right about the fines we
discovered that you actually can't fine me...
106
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:23,323
unless I commit a violation in your presence. So
i got myself this little handy-dandy decibel meter
107
00:06:23,323 --> 00:06:27,883
app and as long as we keep it below 80 before
you knock on the door, it's nothing you can do.
108
00:06:29,403 --> 00:06:34,083
That's [__] that's not true right?
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00:06:34,083 --> 00:06:35,083
Ay...-
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So uh I'm gonna ask you to back up so I can
slam this door in your face. Oh...but don't
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00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:43,803
worry we'll keep it at like 78 decibels,
all right? But before I head out make sure
112
00:06:43,803 --> 00:06:48,443
to live your life as point blank as my bank
is dank! Don't forget to like and subscribe.
113
00:06:48,443 --> 00:06:50,944
W-w-w-wait!
114
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:55,643
-Sighs- That's [__]
115
00:06:55,643 --> 00:06:59,163
I know you're a big fan of Mr. Dankbank.
116
00:06:59,163 --> 00:07:00,923
What? oh come on man, that dude is garbage.
117
00:07:01,803 --> 00:07:05,883
His content fell off years ago it's just
the same [__] over and over again.
118
00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:10,843
Okay I get it but you know? This
is our job and there are rules...
119
00:07:11,963 --> 00:07:17,083
He dumped jellyfish guts on somebody's car as
a prank, and now we can't do anything because
120
00:07:17,083 --> 00:07:23,003
he gets 100 people quiet before we get to
the door...? It just pisses me off man.
121
00:07:23,003 --> 00:07:25,643
Wait...wait...100 people?
122
00:07:25,643 --> 00:07:26,963
Yeah.
Hmmm...
123
00:07:29,163 --> 00:07:33,483
You said hmm? Hmm what? well... it's
just that the community charter prohibits
124
00:07:34,123 --> 00:07:40,123
having over 50 people in one
residence, if that rule is violated...
125
00:07:40,123 --> 00:07:41,323
[Alex] ...we can shut them down.
126
00:07:41,883 --> 00:07:43,883
In theory.
127
00:07:48,163 --> 00:07:49,163
[Music]
128
00:07:49,163 --> 00:07:52,123
Oh no you don't we still have 78 decibels bro.
129
00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:57,323
It don't matter we have reason to believe that
you are in violation of capacity rules [__] boy.
130
00:07:57,323 --> 00:07:59,643
Capacity? this isn't back to the future.
131
00:07:59,643 --> 00:08:01,563
No we're talking about section c,
132
00:08:01,563 --> 00:08:06,043
paragraph five... you're not allowed to have
more than 50 people in the residence at once.
133
00:08:06,043 --> 00:08:06,763
What he said...
134
00:08:07,643 --> 00:08:09,723
Hey hey you violating my 13th amendment right!
135
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:10,523
That's slavery.
136
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:11,883
That's what I mean, that's how I feel!
137
00:08:11,883 --> 00:08:17,883
[Alex] Unfortunately everyone most of
you... are gonna... have... to... leave
138
00:08:21,723 --> 00:08:26,363
Alright look, no one's here! Okay no
one ever shows up to these things.
139
00:08:26,363 --> 00:08:29,083
Bro you've got like a billion
followers what the [__] is everybody?
140
00:08:29,083 --> 00:08:29,963
You don't think I know that?
141
00:08:31,003 --> 00:08:35,403
Unfortunately like and subscribe doesn't
equal show up and hang out alright?
142
00:08:35,403 --> 00:08:38,602
Iit's always just me and Derrick, and
143
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:42,363
whoever that dude is. I don't even know
if derek is a real lawyer i just know
144
00:08:42,363 --> 00:08:46,603
he always reads his terms of service agreement
so he's got to be smart, so I keep him around.
145
00:08:47,163 --> 00:08:50,683
You know... this is amazing!
This is the best part about
146
00:08:50,683 --> 00:08:54,363
this job I see why you do it. what the [__]?
147
00:08:54,363 --> 00:08:59,163
Mr Dank Bank would you be
open to... an arrangement?
148
00:09:00,923 --> 00:09:01,563
What you got?
149
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:08,523
Let's just say if you're able to keep
your noise level below eight decibels,
150
00:09:08,523 --> 00:09:15,883
even when people aren't around, we...will
keep quiet about your...social inadequacies.
151
00:09:17,563 --> 00:09:22,843
What he's saying is if you
keep quiet, we'll keep quiet.
152
00:09:25,963 --> 00:09:28,843
For Dank Bank...that deal does not stank.
153
00:09:29,883 --> 00:09:30,383
Deal?
154
00:09:31,563 --> 00:09:35,883
Deal.
155
00:09:35,883 --> 00:09:37,723
-Derrick slow claps-
156
00:09:37,723 --> 00:09:38,283
Shut up Derrick.
157
00:09:38,283 --> 00:09:40,843
[Dank Bank streaming] All right, y'all we
live right now trying to party and these
158
00:09:40,843 --> 00:09:44,443
damn pigs pulled up trying to shut us down!
What?! you guys got nothing better to do?!
159
00:09:44,443 --> 00:09:47,563
[Alex & Randall unenthusiastically]
we're so sorry,our apologies.
160
00:09:47,563 --> 00:09:51,883
That's right and don't you come back [
__] alright y'all you know what we still
161
00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:56,363
going we got girls and we got drank so come
through if you trying to get daaaaaaaaank.
162
00:09:56,363 --> 00:10:00,624
-Mouths quietly- Thank you
163
00:10:00,624 --> 00:10:03,083
-Music Blaring-
164
00:10:03,083 --> 00:10:05,723
I swear to god we will live stream right now!
165
00:10:05,723 --> 00:10:08,123
-Music cuts abruptly-
166
00:10:08,123 --> 00:10:10,363
There it is, inadequacies.
167
00:10:12,443 --> 00:10:18,603
Okay so I can't tell the world about Dank
Bank... but i can hit unsubscribe! Deuces.
168
00:10:21,323 --> 00:10:24,443
HAAA.Whale guts. he's hilarious you see this?
169
00:10:24,443 --> 00:10:28,643
Yeah, I guess it doesn't matter what I
do since somebody already subscribed.
170
00:10:28,643 --> 00:10:29,643
Look-L-L-Look.
171
00:10:29,643 --> 00:10:30,363
Yeah, I've seen it.
172
00:10:31,403 --> 00:10:45,883
Got my subscription. He's not that bad.
Look at it look at it he's funny he's funny
173
00:10:45,933 --> 00:10:50,483
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