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1
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CLAPPING AND MUSIC PLAY
2
00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:19,200
CRACKLING
3
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,800
GUITAR PLAYS
4
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:00,160
ENGINE REVS
5
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:01,200
ENGINE STOPS
6
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:09,680
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
7
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PHONE CONTINUES RINGING
8
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:20,560
Hi...
9
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No. I haven't told anyone
about Stephen the kids yet.
10
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,600
Stop ringing and asking.
11
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,560
Could you get off my case?
12
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:32,480
We've been through all this, Siobhain,
13
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:33,960
because too much time has elapsed.
14
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,280
I look mental now.
15
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:40,600
Yeah, yeah, well, Pig Man
isn't going to tell anyone.
16
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,000
Stop shouting, Siobhain.
17
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Can you stop shouting?
18
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,000
Can you stop shouting?
19
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,120
If you don't stop shouting,
I'm hanging up.
20
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,160
Lin's got no idea what's in store
for her.
21
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,680
Fiver she says her feet hurt.
22
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:24,000
And she keeps asking to use the
toilet... And the water's too cold.
23
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,320
Won't like the attention either.
24
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,160
The locals are doing
a really good job
25
00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,960
on Faither's memorial,
thanks to Lin.
26
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,720
They've finally
got their confidence back
27
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,720
after the Straw Man
Harvest Festival incident.
28
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,320
Can't blame us for that, Joy.
29
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:37,600
It were an abomination.
30
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,560
You said it looked like Michael
Fabricant fell out of an airplane
31
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:44,120
into a hay bale
and YOU set fire to it.
32
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,120
Faither's memorial.
33
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:51,760
Just what the world needs - another
monument to a problematic man.
34
00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:54,440
Should be making a Fred West
water fountain next.
35
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,440
You should tell Linda the truth
about Verderer.
36
00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:59,280
Let her know that a
memorial to him is difficult.
37
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,160
Nowt to explain - he were a bastard.
38
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:03,960
Oh, we're allowed to swear tonight,
are we? Thank fuck for that!
39
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,440
Festival eve, Town Mouse.
Say what we want.
40
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:07,840
Nice dress!
41
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,960
What, this old thing? Yeah!
42
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,240
Fiver, in a charity shop.
43
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:12,600
Not my sort of thing at all.
44
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,800
I'm just going to try it on,
see what it looked like then
45
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,520
Tony said I was too old for it,
which really annoyed me
46
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:18,960
and so I bought it.
47
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:23,640
I thought, "Well, Tony, you are too
old for women's jeggings."
48
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:25,200
LAUGHTER
Yeah!
49
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,360
My God,
men telling women what to wear.
50
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,280
It is SO annoying.
51
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:32,280
My ex would only have sex
with me if I was in waders.
52
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,080
My ex wouldn't have his picture
taken next to me
53
00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,360
if I was in heels, ever.
54
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:37,800
Not even on our wedding day?
55
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,560
Yes, so we were sat down in all of them.
56
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:42,000
My dad said that we look disabled.
57
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:49,440
You look like a high-end
Russian prostitute.
58
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:50,880
Oh, thanks, Carm.
59
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,960
So you got it for Tony, then?
60
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:59,080
No, of course not. No, no, I'm just
saying that what he said annoyed me.
61
00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:01,360
Who'd you get it for, then?
Must be a man involved. Mm-hm.
62
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,000
No!
63
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,080
Pig Man?
64
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:05,680
Jealous, Carm? Oh, my God.
65
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,840
Why does everyone
think I'm bonking Pig Man?
66
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:09,640
It's so childish!
67
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,920
First my sister, and now you lot.
68
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:15,280
Oh, yeah. Everyone loved meeting
your charming, polite sister,
69
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,040
especially the Verderer,
70
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:20,120
who she called
"some fucking tree cheese gnome".
71
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,920
Whole town knows you've been hanging
around down Pig Man's cave.
72
00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:27,120
Yes! For his
friendship and his frothy milk.
73
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,360
Well, as long as you're
happy being the third, Linda,
74
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,000
after his porkers and Carm.
75
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,800
GASPING
76
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,080
Pig Man and Carmel?
77
00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,560
Nice.
78
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,400
Well, not consummated unless
you count him giving her
79
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:44,120
his first prize veggies every year.
That's enough, Agnes.
80
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,840
Pig Man's sweet potatoes and what
he does with them is up to him.
81
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,560
So, it was for Tony, then?
82
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,360
JOY LAUGHS
Oh, my God!
83
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:59,120
I didn't buy it for a man, OK?
I got it for myself.
84
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:00,960
All right.
85
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,160
Also, if I was a lesbian,
which I'm not -
86
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:08,120
you wouldn't keep asking me what
woman I bought it for, would you?
87
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:09,840
Yeah, I would. No, you wouldn't.
88
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,480
Would do.
No, you absolutely wouldn't.
89
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:12,680
Yeah. No, you wouldn't.
90
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:13,960
Would. You wouldn't.
91
00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:15,880
Would. No. We would.
92
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:22,520
I don't know how you can stand it.
I really, really don't.
93
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:26,360
Everyone knowing your business
all the time.
94
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,280
"Hold the front page!
95
00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:32,520
"Woman who normally wears jeans
and a T-shirt, wears a dress!
96
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:39,600
"Crisp packet blows out of a bin
and lands on a dog's back."
97
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,240
Which dog? Which flavour crisps?
98
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:43,720
Did it stay on the dog's back
or immediately blow off again?
99
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,000
Forget about the dog.
100
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,080
It didn't happen.
101
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,120
I made it up.
102
00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:50,120
THEY EXCLAIM DISAPPOINTEDLY
103
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:53,080
We didn't mean to make you feel
self-conscious, Town Mouse.
104
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,120
You look great. Own it.
105
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,120
Thanks.
106
00:05:58,120 --> 00:05:59,240
I'll take that.
107
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,960
I think you're all really beautiful,
by the way.
108
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,120
Not just tonight,
because you've dressed up.
109
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:10,080
We know we're beautiful,
Town Mouse, inside and out.
110
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,240
Don't need no-one telling us that.
111
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:13,480
Ooh! What?!
112
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Nothing.
113
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,280
Weird. Hey,
thanks for inviting me, by the way.
114
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,720
To your special night.
115
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,760
Don't normally enjoy parties.
116
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,720
DISTANT CHEERING AND LAUGHTER
117
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:30,880
HIGH–PITCHED RINGING THROUGHOUT
118
00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,200
Help me with this, Linda.
119
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:45,240
Oh, God.
120
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:50,400
I'm rubbish at fiddly things
like this and I hate pins.
121
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,920
It doesn't have to be perfect, Linda.
122
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,400
It's the love what goes into
something what makes it special.
123
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:55,880
Oh. That's where the magic comes from.
124
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,080
Everything that at the Eel Festival
has been made
125
00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,280
with love by someone.
126
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:02,240
Mutton dressed as lamb.
127
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,720
What, me? No, what people call
older women what dress young.
128
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,960
Hmm. I haven't had that in years.
129
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:11,240
Just pick something, first
thing that catches your eye.
130
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,480
Right. Well, I used to pick
this with my mum.
131
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:14,720
Perfect. Yeah?
132
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:15,760
OK.
133
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:18,680
I heard it shouted at my mum once.
134
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,240
On her birthday. No.
135
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,720
My mum only ever wore make-up
on special occasions.
136
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,480
A little bit of lippy,
a bit of blusher.
137
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:29,000
I used to love
watching her putting it on.
138
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:33,440
I will never forget the look
on her face for as long as I live.
139
00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:34,520
Just four words.
140
00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:38,880
She was utterly crushed.
141
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:44,240
Of course, she had to
front it out because I was there.
142
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,640
"Just a bit of banter, eh?
Just a bit of banter."
143
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,720
They will never know the trail
of devastation that they left,
144
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,680
just a few seconds
out of their lives.
145
00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:58,960
She never got dressed up on
her birthday again.
146
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,280
"Mutton dressed as lamb."
147
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:07,640
Another derogatory term just
for women like, "gold digger",
148
00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:09,880
"prick tease", "slut",
149
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,720
"ball breaker", "battle axe",
150
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:13,760
"harpy".
151
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:19,320
Is there an equivalent term
for an older man who dresses young?
152
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,680
A cunt? Oh!
153
00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:23,000
LAUGHTER
That's the one!
154
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:23,960
Now get a pin...
155
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,360
...and just pin it on whatever you like.
156
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,600
NOT THERE! Oh, my God!
157
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:33,720
It's not funny!
158
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:37,840
You're a natural, Town Mouse.
159
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,560
Just go with your instinct.
160
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:42,320
You don't want too much of the same
thing in the one place, though.
161
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,880
Or the same colour. Or size.
162
00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,520
Oh, right.
So it's not easy, then.
163
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,560
I do have to think about it.
164
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,400
Oh! I saw really good film at the
Palace earlier.
165
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,280
Which one? OK, don't rush me.
166
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:57,320
FBI thing.
167
00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,480
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
168
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,600
Bloke with the smirky faces in it.
169
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,000
You know, big eyebrow.
170
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:06,200
He was in that shit baby
film as well.
171
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,800
And the musical
with the Australian woman.
172
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,760
Big quiff!
173
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:12,640
Him, not her.
174
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,640
Mark Kermode.
175
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,000
Who's that?
Uncle Isaiah had a commode.
176
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,920
Was he in the OJ Simpson film?
177
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,240
I haven't seen it. Made of oak.
He died on it.
178
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:26,800
He was also in that film
with that woman who was in the other
179
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,400
film by the same director.
180
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,560
And in the other film,
she wore a yellow jumpsuit.
181
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:35,680
Annika Rice! His bum slipped
right down and they couldn't
182
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:36,920
get him out. Imagine that.
183
00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,320
Trying to hoick a dead man
out of a toilet.
184
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,680
Apparently, he still managed
to look dignified. What was it...?
185
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:44,000
John Travolta.
186
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,320
John Travolta!
187
00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:46,640
Film's called Face/Off.
188
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,480
Well done, Carm!
189
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:49,520
Oh!
190
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,400
I couldn't remember what
a toe was called the other day.
191
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:56,800
I called it a foot finger.
192
00:09:58,360 --> 00:09:59,760
The word for "plunger" escaped me.
193
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,520
I told my plumber that
I used a shit sucker.
194
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:02,560
JOY LAUGHS
195
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:07,480
MEN CHEER IN THE DISTANCE
196
00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:11,840
Oh. Oh, that was a nice idea
of yours, Linda.
197
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,920
Getting the men to bake the Eel pie
at the tree for the Verderer.
198
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,240
Just didn't seem fair
him missing out.
199
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,760
You'd have been a good mum.
200
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:21,440
Never thought about it?
201
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:23,640
I just...
202
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:26,640
I haven't...
203
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:30,880
Why do women always have to explain
why they haven't had kids?
204
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,400
We're just chatting, Lin, is all.
205
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:35,440
It's fine if you'd rather
not talk about it.
206
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:38,360
One in three pregnancies
ends in miscarriage.
207
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,280
Nothing to be ashamed of, Linda.
208
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,160
I got two buried out in the woods.
209
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,520
Planted trees on top of them.
210
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:45,680
So they live on.
211
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:50,080
I never got that far.
212
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,320
Endometriosis.
213
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:55,040
Joy's the only one who got
one in the back of the net.
214
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,840
Oh.
215
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,520
I'm... I'm really sorry.
216
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,680
That's, that's really tough.
217
00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:04,160
It's just that, you know,
being a mother or not being a mother
218
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:05,840
is not how I define myself.
219
00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:07,160
Never said it was.
220
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:10,760
Well, then...
221
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,480
Well, then, you know, I just didn't
meet the right person, then.
222
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,400
Well, there you are, then.
223
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:19,960
MEN CHEER IN THE DISTANCE
224
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,040
The men got over the role reversal
this year, then, Carm?
225
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,080
Thinking they're loving
jumping over the fire?
226
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,160
LINDA GASPS
227
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:31,280
Is that what they're doing?
228
00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:33,400
Tradition goes
the Lady of the Flowers,
229
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,120
is which this year is the Man
of the Flowers, throws midsummer
230
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,240
flowers and herbs on the fire,
then jumps over it.
231
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,000
Oh! Scares the dragons away,
232
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,400
stops them from
poisoning our springs and wells.
233
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,120
Well, good job, then.
234
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,360
MOBILE TEXT ALERT PINGS
235
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:50,440
Another dick pic, Lin?
236
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:51,880
Yeah.
237
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,480
Won't be a sec. Careful what you
reply, Linda.
238
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:58,360
Once your vulva is up in the Cloud,
God knows where it'll end up.
239
00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,960
I'm a Catholic.
Even I haven't seen my vulva yet!
240
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:03,480
I'm not about to put it on a Cloud.
241
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:12,920
LAUGHTER IN THE DISTANCE
242
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,120
VOICE NOTE PING
Look, Siobhan, it is a boring lie.
243
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,280
It would be much more exciting
if I'd killed someone
244
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:39,360
or if I was a paedophile.
245
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:40,720
But I haven't and I'm not.
246
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,960
Just got a husband and kids at home.
247
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,360
You know, a bit of support
wouldn't go amiss.
248
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,040
Actually, a bit of compassion.
249
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:50,880
Like I showed you when Father
William told Dad that you confessed
250
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,520
to him to liking it when
dogs sniffed your private parts.
251
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:57,160
And I'm sorry, I don't want to have
to bring that up again
252
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:58,560
but you've made me.
253
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:02,760
I'll tell them tonight.
254
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:06,000
OK, bye.
VOICE NOTE PING
255
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,720
Would have been much easier
if Faither had left
256
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,840
a plan for the festival. He didn't
believe in writing nothing down.
257
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,000
A convenient belief system
for Faither
258
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,480
being illiterate, and all.
259
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:24,760
Tradition went,
he'd tell his son everything.
260
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,640
But he never had one,
not a legitimate one in any case.
261
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,960
Tried passing you
off as one didn't he, Carm?
262
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:31,680
Till you leaked on a pew.
263
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,560
Thanks for waiting for me.
264
00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:41,200
About Faither's memorial.
265
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,760
It don't sit right with us.
266
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,080
He was a bad 'un, Linda.
267
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:46,120
Oh, no.
268
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,200
So sorry.
269
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:51,760
He wasn't...? A Jimmy Savile?
270
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,880
No. But you were a bastard.
271
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,720
Then left everything to Ryan,
his illegitimate
272
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,560
and only son, when he turned 18.
273
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:03,280
But Ryan doesn't identify as male,
and Faither was never a faither
274
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,840
to them, so they don't want
anything to do with it.
275
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:10,440
Oh, my God. Ryan will be
master of ceremonies tomorrow.
276
00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:14,560
Eels don't have a gender neither,
so... outfit's nice.
277
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:18,040
We meet Ryan for the first time
tomorrow as our sibling.
278
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,400
Nervous, ain't we, Carm?
We are.
279
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,440
Hmm.
280
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:31,000
Well, then we'll have a minute's
silence and I'll deal with the rest.
281
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,040
OK?
282
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:40,400
Do people know that
Faither was a bad 'un? No!
283
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,040
The community loved him.
284
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:46,160
It would absolutely
break them to find out.
285
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:50,920
Anyways, he's dead now,
so it's time to move on.
286
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,840
It's time for change. Hmm.
287
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:00,480
Who wears these?
288
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,680
The ten best behaved children.
289
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:04,080
Oh.
290
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:05,840
What about all the kids
that aren't chosen?
291
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,440
Never did the Verderer
no harm not being chosen.
292
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,040
Ten years on the trot.
293
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:15,160
Done right by them birds
living up that tree.
294
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,520
He's a proper local hero.
295
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,560
Can't have been easy, him being
scared of heights.
296
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,440
And the dark. And shitting in bags.
297
00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:25,280
He's waited a long time to be an Eel
child, but he's earned his place
298
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:26,840
alongside them kids.
299
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,200
Pig Man can keep watch over the tree
300
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,760
while the Verderer's at
the festival.
301
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,560
They might have rumbled us on them bones,
302
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:34,320
but they've still got a way to
go before they can start felling.
303
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,720
That won't stop them
if that tree's left unmanned.
304
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,160
OWL HOOTS
305
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,880
Listen! The other one will reply
in a minute.
306
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,080
Yeah, we know, Linda.
We live in a wood.
307
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,680
OWL HOOTS
308
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,400
SHE GASPS
Oh, I love it so much!
309
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,600
I never knew it was two owls talking.
310
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:55,760
More action than I've seen
in a while.
311
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,320
Now we're talking!
312
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,680
When was the last time
you had sex then, Linda?
313
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,120
Oh, I don't remember.
314
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:03,560
What about you lot?
315
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,680
Oh, lunchtime. This morning.
316
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,200
Menage a trois,
with me, myself and I.
317
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,320
14th February.
318
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:10,520
Blimey, that's precise.
319
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,000
Must have been good. Yes, it was.
320
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,960
Well, must have travelled
for that then, Joy.
321
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:17,640
No, I didn't even
need to leave work.
322
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:23,800
No! What?!
323
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,720
It can't be...?
324
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,360
No.
325
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,360
No!
326
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:30,640
I won't believe it.
327
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:31,680
Tell me!
328
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:35,240
No!
329
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:38,560
The Verderer?!
330
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:41,960
So wrong, it's right, Joy.
331
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:45,840
Hmm.
332
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,760
His fans better not find out.
333
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:50,040
Joy's fans better not find out.
334
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,560
What's that?
DISTANT SINGING
335
00:16:58,560 --> 00:16:59,760
Men's night singing.
336
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:01,800
It's normally the womenfolk.
337
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:02,840
God, it's lovely.
338
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,040
Come and try this on for me, Linda.
339
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,120
What, me?
Are you sure that's OK?
340
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,720
Need to pin it for height.
341
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:17,960
Is that Faither's? Yeah.
342
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:19,280
It's so beautiful.
343
00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:25,560
Gonna have to try his horrible
codpiece on as well, do I?
344
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:28,520
We've got other plans
for Faither's codpiece.
345
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:34,240
Look, moon's out.
346
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:35,280
Amazing, innit?
347
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,160
Hold still, Linda.
348
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:39,920
There's one more pin.
349
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:43,280
Do you ever think, "I wonder
how many more full moons I'll see?"
350
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:44,320
Nope.
351
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:46,640
All done.
352
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,600
MUSIC PLAYS
- Oh!
- Yes!
353
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,080
Come on, Joy.
354
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,040
MUSIC CONTINUES
355
00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:10,440
Come on, girls.
356
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:13,440
TEXT MESSAGE ALERTS PING
357
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:23,720
WHOOPING
358
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:24,800
Come on, Joy.
359
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,040
If this was a film, we'd be naked.
360
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:39,560
LAUGHTER
361
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:44,760
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
362
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,760
Joy, what are you doing?
363
00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:47,800
LAUGHTER
364
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,600
SNORES GENTLY
365
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:02,520
SHE SCREAMS
366
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:03,720
What are you doing?!
367
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,480
You're lucky I wasn't naked!
368
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,840
Get out!
Best you come quiet, Linda.
369
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:09,200
I'm not coming anywhere.
370
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,280
You can't just come in here
and rip the covers off me.
371
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,000
I've got tenant's rights!
372
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,920
Don't make me bash your head
in and put you in a bucket.
373
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:19,040
Come on, Linda.
374
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,960
I need a wee.
375
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,120
We should do this again sometime.
376
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:25,320
Let go, Linda!
377
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:32,120
Just drag the bitch.
378
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,040
Quick! What are you doing?
379
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,720
Oh, this is ridiculous.
380
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:38,600
Pants are up my bum!
381
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,880
Stop! I've got a hernia.
382
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,680
There's no need for this.
383
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:44,840
Let go, Linda.
384
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,080
THUD
385
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,800
I'm too old for this shit.
386
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,240
Tell me why we're going.
I might just...
387
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:07,480
♪ Oh, Sally, my dearest
you, I'd be kissing
388
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:11,280
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear,
it's you I'd be kissing
389
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,760
♪ She smiled and replied,
390
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:18,840
♪ "You don't know
what you're missing."
28242
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