Original subtitles

(opening theme playing)

(video game playing)

(glass shattering)

Titans, crime is afoot!

I always thought crime was a leg, bro. What!

No, man. If crime was anything it would be a hand.

-Oh! -(screeching)

(both chuckling)

Not another word from you two.

(chuckles) crime is a leg.

-Good one. -Pay attention!

There has been a rash of crimes in and around jump city.

And the only possible way to stop them is...

(tsking)

A stakeout.

(grunting)

Ooh, what is the stakeout?

Only the best way to fight crime, star!

♪ stakeout! ♪ hidin' out in cars

♪ stakeout! ♪ pizza, chocolate bars

♪ stakeout! ♪ stayin' up real late

♪ stakeout! ♪ puke up what you ate

♪ stakeout! ♪ it's just what we do

♪ stakeout! ♪ shaggy, scooby doo

♪ stakeout! ♪ spot a creepin' dude

♪ stakeout! ♪ ♪ bust the creepin' dude ♪

Stop! It is none of those things, star.

Criminals have secrets and it's our job to ferret them out,

Through surveillance.

Secrets? Who has secrets?

This is going to be a two man operation.

Minus one man, plus one woman.

The man, handsome, strong,

Intense, great hair.

The woman, innocent, beautiful,

And in need of guidance.

Both: We're in!

(screaming)

No, no, no! You are not in.

You two are terrible at stakeouts.

I see you.

(croons) I see you, too.

(chomping)

Beast boy: I still see you.

Also, there is no stakeout.

What?

The "stakeout" is just a way for me to be alone with starfire.

The only crime tonight will be the theft of a kiss,

Stolen by me,

From starfire, on my face,

Right here.

Okie dokie.

Why don't you just ask her out,

On a date?

I have explored that option.

Hey, starfire, you want to go on a date?

No, thank you.

A stakeout will be perfect.

By the end of the evening, lips on lips will be happening.

Congratulations, starfire.

You have been selected for your keen observational skill

And strawberry scent.

-Let's go. -Hurray!

Dude, is it true?

Are we bad at stakeouts?

Yes and everything else.

-Hey, where are you going? -None of your business.

Man, girl has so many secrets.

(upbeat music playing)

Stakeout!

Okay, star,

There are three rules to a classic stakeout.

Rule one, locate a den of criminal activity.

-(owl hooting) -(crickets chirping)

What crimes would occur here, robin?

Crimes of passion.

(shivers)

Rule two, indirect observation.

Use a reflective surface to observe your surroundings.

A mirror, a car window,

My eyes.

Rule three, I love you.

What was the rule three?

Concealment.

Observe without being observed.

Now, keep looking into my eyes.

(gasps) I see something in the eyes.

Robin: Is it a house, picket fence,

Two point five kids, a yard, cocker spaniel,

Dinner parties on the weekend with friends?

Starfire: No! It's shiny!

Could this be the clue?

-Mmm, not likely, back to rule two. -(shattering)

The eyes.

(gasps)

(straining)

(raven screams)

No, it's happening again.

If the others knew my secret...

Ooh, did you hear that?

Her secret must be so embarrassing.

Then it can only be one thing, bro.

A secret crush.

And it's probably you.

(clears throat) no doubt.

That's what she was writing in that diary.

(clears throat)

Dear diary, beast boy is so handsome,

I wanna kiss his pretty face.

(both chuckling)

I can't wait to read the juicy details.

Hmm, the words are moving.

Oh!

(buzzing)

You're holding it upside down, dummy.

(screaming)

(screaming)

I never knew the steak house was made for stakeouts.

And for make outs.

-What? -Nothing.

I am learning so much from you, robin.

But are we not breaking rule three?

The concealment.

It's called, hiding in plain sight.

But I get it, you want to go somewhere we can be alone.

I do.

But first, you must excuse me while I put on my face.

Oh, yes!

Lips to lips is finally happening!

-Starfire: I am ready! -(screams) what?

Why, hello.

I am the jeff.

Ta-da!

Nice to meet you.

Rule three, the concealment. (giggles)

Look what the jeff has found.

Pom, pom, pom!

Come, robin.

Crime is the foot.

-(coughing) -(buzzing)

Man, we spend all that time in her room

And we didn't find out if I was her secret crush.

-(spits) -it is because we went in cold.

Then let's warm it up, bro.

(upbeat music playing)

Stakeout, uh!

-(dings) -double stakeout, uh-uh!

Both: Stakeout, stakeout, uh-uh-uh!

We're ready to go back in.

Another one.

It was buried under the discarded corn chowder.

(gulps)

(sniffing)

(sighs) what have I done?

Your strawberry scent is gone forever.

The trail of these unnatural crystals is no coincidence.

(sighs) I have to come clean.

-Starfire... -(whispers) robin.

The concealment. (mock coughs)

I am the jeff.

Indirect observation.

(groaning)

Jeff, you have corn in your mustache.

-(door closes) -did you see that?

The crime's afoot-ing.

Listen, star.

The only crime is I haven't been honest...

Dr. Light?

Robin, welcome, come in, come in.

What evilness are you up to this time, dr. Light?

Evilness, no!

Crystal chandeliers. It's a passion of mine.

One can't be evil all the time.

Chandeliers of death.

What? No, no, no.

It's the art of light. Come, let me show you.

I call this one, the pain of defeat.

And here we have, foiled again.

And this is one of my personal favorites, I'll get you next time.

And this one, I just call, titans.

(licking)

You see the colors, they match your outfits.

Crystals of crime.

Who's the new guy? Seems a little unhinged.

I am the jeff.

Robin: Chandelier death rays!

Ha!

Ooh, crushed by the pain of defeat.

You'll pay for this, jeff.

The world can never see this part of me.

Man, why doesn't she want anyone to know she likes me?

Because it sounds like she's got it bad for you, bro.

(hoarsely) I must cleanse myself of darkness.

Azarath metrion zinthos.

(screams) I can't see anything.

And I can't hear anything over the cries from these lost souls.

(wailing)

Bro, our stakeout's on the line.

(grunting)

(both scream)

(both scream)

Dude, we missed it?

Na-uh, I snapped a photo.

We'll know exactly what her secret is.

That's a picture of me, cy.

You know what that means.

-Bro, she is crushing so hard on you, bro! -(chuckles)

Both: We are stakeout kings!

(upbeat music playing)

Starfire: What a thrilling adventure.

My first stakeout was a great success.

You know it's funny, I brought you out here tonight to trick you into kissing me.

-What? -But instead, I learned a lesson.

It took your jeff disguise,

And the smell of rancid corn chowder for me to realize it,

But besides being kind,

Sweet and the love of my life,

You are a great detective.

You tracked dr. Light to his lair

Using all three rules to a classic stakeout.

I'm proud of you.

I could not have done it without your guidance, partner.

-Robin? -Yes?

New rule!

-You do not mess with the jeff! -(explosion)