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Sir, this certainly is the best deal I've had in ten years.

This inn has a high-class regular clientele

and many people pass by.

At this price, this deal is a golden opportunity.

Yes, but...

why are they in such a hurry to sell it?

Was the police involved? Some kind of scandal?

You must be joking!

I want the establishment that I purchase

to be a place people come to for high-quality food,

and family-friendly atmosphere.

- Not a place for hook-ups. - Absolutely not!

The owner is selling because she wants to buy a place in the south.

That's why she needs to settle this quickly.

Right.

I'd like to see the place for myself.

I'll come with you.

Certainly not. In cases like this,

it's best I go as a simple client.

Don't tell them I'm coming. I'll have dinner there.

Alright, then. You have the itinerary on this map.

- Perfect, thank you. - See you soon.

- Goodbye, ma'am. - Goodbye.

Excuse me.

Hello?

The agency? Yes.

You've found someone?

Does he look serious?

He's definitely not an eccentric.

You can trust me, I'm used to this.

But careful, no slip-ups!

He's the kind to pay attention to every single detail.

He especially hates surprises.

You catch my drift?

Absolutely, Mrs Barjin. You were right to warn me.

What's he like?

Mrs Sulpice! Drinking wine straight from the bottle?

Why not earrings with tweed !

You've got some bad manners!

Stop tormenting that poor woman.

You, Mr Saturday Night Fever, put a sock in it!

Are you looking for trouble?

Watch your head, because that perm of yours...

Félix! Mr Félix!

Could you come with me a moment?

I'll be right there.

Asshole!

- No way! - Yes, he's on his way now!

You'll have to go above and beyond.

Yes, today's not the day for frozen food.

I'll get changed and go grocery shopping.

- Think of our inn in Provence. - You can trust me.

What's going on?

That man has no heart.

No, he's got something else!

Seeing how thrilled Boss Lady is, it must be great.

Yeah, right! A car with 100,00 km can fall apart any moment.

While new ones can start on their own.

And they let you down on the way!

See you, Jacqueline.

Come on.

Claude!

- Two Coulommier cheeses. - Alright.

- The good ones! - Okay.

Hello, Ingrid. How are you?

- Point your stuff right at the camera. - Yes, sir.

- Do you know your lines? - By heart.

Good! Alright, let's get rolling!

- You alright? - Yes, fine.

Ready? Camera!

- Rolling. - Go!

Bonne Maman jam, take 25, third.

Action!

From the most beautiful plants of Brittany, we pick the best fruit

to make Bonne Maman jam.

Have Bonne Maman on your table!

Cut!

- How's that? - Great.

- Well? - Are we done?

Who has the last two shots?

Thanks, François, you're done.

You're talented, you know?

You sure do. I might mention you on TV.

Although, before I do that...

we should get to know each other.

See you.

Right, see you around.

Hey, the jam pot!

The pot.

Just a second! Sure, go ahead, take the damn pot.

Okay, we'll shoot number 25 and 26.

François!

- François! - Yes?

- You're not eating with us? - Dorothée lent me her car.

I have to bring it back intact, or she'll break up with me.

- That would bother you? - After two years, you get certain habits.

Alright, goodbye.

See you soon.

You won't get changed?

My clothes are in the car. See ya!

Asshole!

Shit! The damn oil gauge is acting up.

I'll give that shitty mechanic a piece of my mind.

He'll be hearing from me, that damn bastard!

He told me it worked fine. Wait, how does this work?

They make everything shitty on purpose!

Asshole!

God damn it!

I'm going to kill this guy!

I'm going to kill this bastard!

I'm going to kill him!

Just look at this dumb-ass!

This dickhead piping my ass,

coming from Quimper to crash his car in Yvelines!

Hey, moron!

Parking your car in the middle of the street,

that's premeditated murder, you know?

That'll get you 20 stitches for sure!

I'll give you a good thrashing.

I'll sing you the song of Brittany to the beat of "Everybody Hurts!"

That guy's insane!

- Bunch of killers! - The road's all theirs!

Sorry about earlier, I was wrong to react that way.

- Maybe I was driving pretty fast. - It doesn't matter.

I'm in a hurry. I'm the owner of an inn nearby,

we could do the paperwork there.

- If you like. - I can get you a drink.

- That's nice of you. - Do you have any fuel?

I've got a jerrycan.

- Could you lend me some? - With pleasure.

How kind of you.

- Shall we? - Let's go.

How long is this going to take?

Don't get all worked up.

The mechanic's my friend, he'll fix your car.

I could take the train,

but I better bring Dorothée's car back.

Let me handle it.

- Antoine! - Yes?

- Is Louis here? - Yes. Stay here, I'll go get him.

Thanks.

- So, you do TV commercials? - I'm an actor. There's a big difference.

It comes with benefits.

Well, you're a lucky guy.

- I might have the best role ever for you. - Oh?

The situation's pretty simple: I'm selling my inn

and the agency's found a buyer.

They warned me he's coming to spy on me,

as a client, incognito.

- Really? - Yes!

I'm much sharper than he is!

I need you to help me convince him to buy the place.

Really? How?

- Are you an actor or not? - Of course I am.

Then, this should be easy.

You'll be an inspector for the Good Stopovers hotel guidebook.

- You know it? - Sure, it's the best one.

Great! Think you can handle it?

When I accept a role, I transform into the character.

I'm very professional!

- You won't regret it. - Really?

I'm not an ungrateful guy.

- Look who's here! Hi, Félix. - How are you?

- Hello, sir. - Hello.

This man made an unfortunate swerve

and dented his car up a bit.

Could you fix it ASAP?

I'll have to see the damage.

It's not far. If we could go now, that would really help.

I'll go get the tow-truck. Wait here, okay?

- Thanks. - My wallet's going to suffer.

I told you, I'll pay for it!

That's him.

I'm counting on you.

Avoid swaying your hips and exposing your breasts.

Or I could put on some clogs and dress up in loose clothes.

Hello, sir. Are you here for lunch?

Of course, I'm not here for some shopping.

How funny. Are you alone?

Yes, as you can see.

Though restaurant owners hate having single people,

they sleep and eat like everyone else.

Yes, of course!

Shall I take you to a table?

No, I'll start with a drink, please.

Certainly. Please, follow me.

I may sway my hips,

but she sure works that ass!

What would you like?

Get me...

a gin martini, please.

- Right away. - Excuse me, ma'am!

A Pastis Duval, please.

I hope you have ice cubes this time.

We've had a power cut, we couldn't have planned for that.

Preparing for the unexpected is business 101, isn't it?

Momo! Mrs Sulpice!

Get over here, stat!

Come on, hurry!

Here.

Wait, don't move.

There.

Watch where you're going, idiot!

You did that on purpose!

No violence allowed! The union wouldn't like it.

You're threatening me?

Here! Give that to your damn union!

Jerk!

Lousy, shitty cook!

Say, I hope that's not what we're having for starters.

No, that's just for the staff.

I mean, they make a stew out of it.

It's my grandmother's recipe.

Please, follow me.

Don't put any tomatoes on the menu!

We saw them in the trash.

Really? So, the guy's here now?

He sure is! He saw the tomatoes!

You've got to be kidding!

I'll murder you, Momo!

I'll turn you into cat food!

Take him away, he's pissing me off!

My Messalina!

My Messaline sauce! I'm so nervous, Geneviève.

Calm down, honey!

We don't have to sell right away.

But I can't take this anymore, darling.

I'm from Tourcoing, but I need sunshine!

I feel so weak and powerless.

Really? It sure doesn't seem like it!

Just wait until we leave this rotten dump,

you won't hold a weakling in your arms,

but a stallion!

Then, let's sell it quickly, my love!

Get to work, you lazy bastards!

Now, listen closely,

today's the day we win or lose this battle.

Hop to it!

As for you, I've got my eye on you!

Darling, you go pamper the clients,

so be charming and elegant.

Dismissed!

- This one? - Thank you.

Excuse me, there's a bit of a draft here...

Really? It's the first time someone says that.

My lungs are a bit sensitive.

Is that one alright?

I sure hope so.

- Would you like a drink to start? - No alcohol for me, thanks.

I'll come back to get your order.

Send me the chef instead.

Some more bread, please.

Forgive me but this fork is a bit dented.

That's fine, we'll get you a new one.

- Will that be all? - Yes.

No, your phone.

The phone is near the cloakroom. At no charge.

Please, feel right at home.

- Excuse me, ma'am! - Yes?

A packet of Pall Malls.

Say... I think you're right.

We pay to have the right to be demanding.

Careful with that bechamel sauce!

- I'll go check the main room. - Hey!

A pain in the ass wants to see you. I was close to slapping him.

Not in front of the other guy! You have to control yourself.

You never know who they might be. Where is he?

On the phone!

I'll handle him.

Keep an eye on the kitchen before it's anarchy in there.

Go on!

Yes.

Yes...

Yes!

Yes, alright, ma'am. Yes, Mrs Agathe, alright.

Yes, alright!

Could I speak to Dorothée real quick?

She's doing a client's hands.

We can chat for a bit, can't we?

Honestly, just to think

you'd stoop so low to make commercials

with the great talent and looks you have!

I'm ashamed for the theater, my poor, little François!

Dorothée!

Phone for you! It's François!

He can wait!

You're right. Beautiful women should be chased after.

The more we wait, the more the victory is worthwhile.

For you, I'd be ready to pay a small fortune for victory.

I think you're overestimating me, dear sir.

They don't make girls like Dorothée any more, sir.

She's serious and unconquerable.

She's in love with an actor

who's tougher to break than a festering blister.

And yet, I know plenty of men who could give her a great life.

My life suits me just fine, Mr Paul.

François is very talented, and I'm very patient.

Dorothée, are you coming?

He's not as patient!

Tell him to call me back later.

What are you doing alone at that inn, anyway?

If you really are alone...

Someone's waiting for me, Mrs Agathe.

Tell Dorothée my commercial is delayed

and I'll be back in two days.

But François, what about our meeting this evening?

We were mean to rehearse in costume before the show!

The party is this Saturday, François!

Oh, François...

My dear, little François...

You'll rehearse on your own.

Sorry, this is for work. Alright, goodbye, Mrs Agathe!

I'm so sorry about that.

I had to warn Dorothée.

Who the hell is Dorothée?

- My fiance. - Really? How did she take it?

She's fine with it. It's her boss who's upset.

Are you screwing her?

What? No way! No, thanks!

No, she wants to put on a show at the salon's party.

It's a surprise. Her husband doesn't know.

We were meant to rehearse it tonight.

What a martyr! Either way, with or without a rehearsal...

- She's terrible! - Right, I see.

- I should let you know. - Yes?

I didn't tell Boss Lady about our deal.

- Really? - Women are such chatterboxes.

That's for sure.

Anyway, time to get to work.

- Really? - Go and eat.

- Hello. - Hello.

- Everything alright? - Perfect.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Dr Luc, my favorite dentist!

Hello, Félix!

- How are you? - Fantastic.

Still a fan of my sweetbread?

At least that doesn't break teeth.

- You're always so funny. - Yes.

My kitchen porter is having issues with his dentures.

I'll send him to you next week.

Got it. See ya, Félix.

Everything alright here?

I'll tell you once I'm done eating.

But it's fine for now, right?

No.

The mustard pot is empty.

You're not putting Dijon mustard on foie gras from the Landes, are you?

Is that forbidden?

No, not all.

It's actually a great idea, very surprising.

One should try everything.

I didn't say I was going to do that.

But I might want to do that.

There's a difference.

Yes, of course. The customer is king here.

If you feel like adding... Dijon mustard

on whipped cream... why not?

And if I did want to do so, how exactly would I?

Sorry. Do forgive me.

Nicole.

Mustard.

One more slip-up, and you're fired.

Do you think this is a cafeteria?

These girls drive me up the wall. I have to do everything here.

You get the staff you deserve.

Really?

- Hello, sir. - Hello.

- Have you made your choice? - Certainly.

This'll be tough. Lay it on thick, you won't regret it.

I'm listening, sir.

Let's see, I'll have... the crudites,

the grilled steak with salad,

some fruit, and a pitcher of water.

Is that a joke, sir?

- I'm on a diet. - Not today, pal!

So, we were saying,

a foie gras on brioche to open up the appetite.

Very small, then.

Followed by a casserole of Bordeaux lampreys with bacon.

Then, fattened chicken with morels and Messaline sauce.

Just a tiny spoonful of sauce...

A seasonal salad,

an avalanche of cheeses,

and to complete with a grand finale,

what shall I serve?

Some antacid. Double!

An orange souffle, covered in Marasca cherry liqueur.

And to drink with all that?

Some lightly fruity Alsace wine with the foie gras,

some incredible Saint-Estève wine with the lampreys,

which will also pair beautifully

with the chicken and the cheeses.

There you go. No, please,

if you want to appreciate fine cuisine, that's plenty.

Right, then. We'll get that started for you.

Bon appetit, sir.

You let him push you around.

On the contrary, I tried to get him to make a mistake,

but he knows his stuff, the devil.

You didn't say anything.

There's nothing to say, it was perfect!

I know what fine dining is,

I'm not obsessed with mustard.

No, well...

I have my reasons for acting that way.

So do I.

Excuse me, a big meal is a celebration,

and I'd like to prepare in silence. Forgive me.

It's like a kiss from the gods!

It's just sweetbread!

This cooking has nothing special about it.

What about fresh calf's head? Is that special enough for you?

Come on, Mr Félix!

Don't get angry, he's just joking around!

That little idiot's crossing the line!

It's simply unthinkable!

I try to train the kid with the affection of a loving father...

Isn't this youth something?

Just look at my daughter!

I breastfed her and everything. Now, she's a hooker on Saint-Denis Street!

They're all whores!

Not you, Mrs Sulpice. Not you.

Looks wonderful!

Like that.

I'll show him.

Next dish for table six!

It's ready.

What... what's that?

It's sweetbread, in the chef's unique style.

May I?

Could I have the same, please?

Table five doesn't want chicken anymore.

He'll eat what we give him!

- He wants the same as table six. - My sweetbread!

Table six is right to go for my sweetbread!

Despite being a difficult client.

You'll say that my cooking is retro and old-fashioned again!

And one sweetbread for table five!

- The same one, right? - What do you mean, "the same one?"

With the Saint-Jacques scallops,

banana flambe, and sauerkraut.

Who the hell made that?

You did it, you bastard! You've stabbed in the back!

Ever heard of "an eye for an eye?"

But Mr Félix!

If table five wants the same dish, it must taste good!

Poor man, eating all that...

So, in your opinion, sweetbread

is scallops, banana flambe, and sauerkraut.

- Is that right? - Yes, Chef!

Not to criticize you but how about a dash of lemon too?

No need to push it.

Honestly... how can you eat that?

How can you not?

Your taste buds seem to be incredibly dull.

Seriously... This must be some kind of a joke.

Not at all!

That Chef is a genius, my good sir!

With such skill, cooking becomes an art.

In this world, the great pioneers have always been misunderstood.

And why would your opinion have more value than mine?

I'm an inspector for the Good Stopovers guidebook.

I see!

You must be quite an expert, then!

- I'm counting on your discretion. - Yes, of course.

Did you gentlemen enjoy your meal?

Thank you, Chef.

It was perfect.

Yes, it was surprising... Certainly very memorable.

Thank you.

May I offer you this cognac from my own, personal stock?

- Gladly, thank you. - There you are.

You'll see, you haven't one like this in a long time.

There you go.

You know, just to be frank with you,

I'm thinking of buying this establishment.

You better hurry, then!

Before my article on it appears in the guidebook.

Why is that?

This place will then have immediate success!

I highly doubt they'll accept the same price.

Well, now! What's the matter?

Not feeling well?

- I'm going to puke. - Nonsense!

Here, some alcohol will wash it all down.

Here you go!

That's better now, isn't it?

- I'm going to throw up... - Of course not!

Well?

He took the bait. He's all yours, tread carefully.

Bravo! Well done!

Great! So, what now?

- I'm going to puke... - Not here, it would look really bad!

- Now, I'm sleepy. - Yeah.

Sure, go take a nice nap and you'll feel much better.

But don't you dare throw up in the room!

Alright, go ahead.

Ma'am, do you know who sat next to me?

An inspector from the Good Stopovers.

He asked me to keep it secret, but...

Why are you telling me, then?

We might have some common interests here.

Your inn is for sale and I'm thinking of buying.

Why didn't you tell me sooner?

I prefer to come here incognito, just like my neighbor.

I hope he was satisfied.

With people like that, you never know.

I'd like to stay until tomorrow,

to look around before I make a decision.

Yes, of course!

But careful, please consider me as another one of your clients.

No special treatment, and no cheating!

I promise!

But do give us the pleasure of being our "guest."

"Our guest?" Are you not the sole owner?

I am, but the Chef and I are engaged.

My sincere congratulations.

I gotta say...

this damn bed...

Why? What's wrong with this bed?

It's shit!

It's not shit at all, these beds are brand-new.

- Lie down. - It's a pile of rocks!

- "A pile of rocks?" - Yes, it is!

Ever seen rocks do this before?

There, see that?

No puking, got it? No puking!

Alright, relax. It's sleepy time now.

Off to Sleepy-town!

- Go to sleep. And no puking! - No.

Right? No puking! Time to go to sleep.

- It's sleepy time! - Sleepy time?

- Have you seen the Chef? - You mean, your fiance? Yes.

- He's in a bed with a man. - Really? What are they doing?

I may be a bit old-fashioned,

but I believe an inn can be something else than a brothel!

I don't want to inherit a clientele of perverts!

He's crazy!

What are you up to in there?

What? Nothing.

Just a client who wants to take a nap.

The guy from table five.

- What? Table five? - Yes.

You know what? He's an inspector from the Good Stopovers.

- No. - Yes, he is!

You're crazy to have put him in this lousy room.

Chamomile tea... I'd like some chamomile.

Yes, sir, right away.

- This mattress is disgusting. - You were put here by mistake.

We'll give you another room, sir.

Yes, another room, please!

I told you, this isn't necessary! Stop over complicating things!

- Mr Félix. - Yes?

- Fuel oil delivery. - I've got so much on my plate.

Here. Come with me.

Even a fakir wouldn't sleep on that thing.

Our guests don't sleep there, it's only for family.

- Why? Are you angry with them? - No!

- See ya next time, Mr Félix. - See ya.

I fixed your mess. He's now in our best room.

Room 28? What were you thinking? It's Thursday today!

Yes... So what?

You know very well that room 28 is reserved

every Thursday for Mr Busset and his secretary!

They never arrive before five o'clock.

That gives the other guy time for a nap.

Wake up the man in room 28 at four o'clock,

then clean the room. Don't miss a single spot.

At four o'clock? Yes, ma'am.

Bossis.

Girard.

Genghini.

Girard.

Battiston.

Larios.

Boss Lady told me about what happened.

A client felt a bit sick.

- Bossis. - I put him to bed.

This is a house of God, after all.

If not, I wouldn't be here.

I was raised by monks.

I almost became a priest, you know?

Just so you know.

- And it's in! - Boom! That's a goal.

That's a pre-recorded match, you know?

The French win, three to zero.

No, come on! You're a real pain, sir!

If I'm bothering you, let me know.

- Where are you going? - The hairdresser's. And you?

To the Land Registry Office with Mr Maréchal.

Really? Alright, have a nice day!

Thanks.

- Hello, gentlemen. - Come back later, I have to go out.

Again? I have no luck catching you at a good time.

You seem to come by every time I have to go out.

Hello?

It's the first time he's here early.

Are you asleep?

He works too hard.

One of these days, he'll snap me in half.

It's okay, honey. Sleep.

We'll have plenty of time later.

I'm exhausted too.

Hello?

That little minx is always on time.

That girl really works hard.

At that age, when you're in love...

Wait, what's going on? Who are you?

You've got to be kidding!

- It's you! - And who's that?

I don't know!

- Is this a joke? - I thought he was you.

He doesn't even look like me!

- What are you doing here? - Yes, what are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

What?

- What? - Damn, I forgot to wake up that guy!

- This is your fault too! - So? Are you complaining?

You have no idea what a mess this is!

I've already told you, two is the maximum for me!

Congratulations! She looks good from every angle!

I'd sure love to kick your teeth in!

Sure, go ahead. But no shouting, please.

I'd sure love to kick your teeth in!

My little honey bun! This is all a misunderstanding!

It's not my fault, honey bun! It's just a misunderstanding!

Calm down, don't leave now.

Leave me alone!

And her? She's waiting her turn to join the four-way?

How much did this pervert pay you to join us?

Let me explain, this is a mistake!

Yes, a big mistake! Go find yourself a new secretary.

Honey bun, don't do this to me!

It's alright, I'll handle this.

Miss?

My secretary has just quit.

- Do you know how to type? - No.

But I could learn.

You must have many talents.

This isn't very reasonable, Mr Busset.

I make lots of spelling mistakes.

We can correct them together...

in the evenings.

You'll make spelling mistakes!

Lots of little spelling mistakes!

You dirty old pig!

This sure isn't my day!

Come on, now!

I told you it's a misunderstanding! Don't be an idiot, damn it!

And you, don't be so rude!

Come on, listen to me!

Okay, I'm all yours now.

Well, I don't give a damn!

You've got some first-rate clients, well done!

Well, I don't give a shit about representatives like you!

Give them good business, and they just insult you!

Keep your orgy excuses to yourself!

Sorry to say, you're a real moron!

Well, there you go.

Sure, go in for another one.

This dump is a real whorehouse!

Yes, it does seem like a nice, peaceful place.

You can count on me to tell everyone about you!

Any chance you'd offer an explanation?

If I could...

You can rest assured,

they won't come back.

I think he can give you an explanation.

God punishes lust!

You came at a really bad time.

Our regular clients are usually very quiet.

That prick... he's just passing by!

Yes, it's quite unlucky that he bumped into the guide inspector.

Well, don't worry too much about him.

He's very, very understanding.

I can't believe this! What the hell is she doing?

You're as good a driver as you are a lover!

There's not much you can do with an ugly, old whore!

Listen to me closely.

Good, that's better. You've got good speed going.

You're at six kilometers an hour now.

Hold them straight, both of you.

Stand up straight, Valérie.

Good, that's not bad.

And stop!

Walk. Push the horse with your legs.

Guess who!

Alexia, I can't believe it! This is quite a surprise!

Isn't it?

What are you doing here?

To see you, ducky!

Don't use that word here!

Don't tell me it brings back bad memories, my little ducky!

It took me a long time to find you!

Aren't you glad to see me?

Yes, of course... I'm choked up.

Won't you give me a kiss?

Listen, Alexia... Sure, I left a bit too quickly,

but I didn't want to ruin your life!

A big fashion cover-girl model like you,

with a tiny, pathetic cook like me.

It doesn't look real, it seems fake!

That's why I thought it best to disappear.

You made me disappear.

Who's in line for the inheritance?

You're lucky, we'll have great weather today.

This lady was asking if we have game on the menu.

- Do you have a room available? - Most of them are taken.

Are you here alone, ma'am? Without luggage?

She's here to meet up with someone,

someone who has lots to make amends for.

From what I hear, this lady isn't wrong to expect that.

I see you've been telling your secrets to my fiance.

I didn't know.

Congratulations!

My fiance slipped away from me like an eel.

I wish you better luck.

If you'd like to see the rooms, follow me.

Good. Don't hurt yourself.

Let's do one round without the stirrups.

- Mr Félix. - Yes?

Your female clientele is top of the range.

Is that woman single?

- I lived with her for a year. - No way!

You must have crazy memories of that time.

Dreadful!

In bed, she's great! But for everything else...

she's a real pain in the ass! It was hell!

I had to get the hell out of there.

She must have hated that.

She's really here to ruin me.

Well, to be honest with you...

Boss Lady and I...

Really?

Well, well, well! That's quite an impressive track record!

Yeah. Say...

- I need your help. - Again? What is it this time?

Help me get rid of her. Make her clear off quickly.

You can help me. I saw you pulling out all the stops, you were great!

What can I do? I can't just shove her in the freezer.

No, don't force it. You need to be tactful, delicate.

This wasn't part of our deal. I'm not allowed to work for free.

Just name your price, come on.

I'm really loving this cafe-theater of yours!

Here's the champagne you ordered.

Perfect, thank you.

- Put it down there, please. - Here?

Shall I open the bottle?

Yes, of course.

Do you like this job?

It depends on the day.

Sometimes, it's quite nice.

Would you like to keep it?

While I wait for something better. You never know.

I say that because I might be buying the place.

I won't keep all the staff, but...

maybe you and I should talk about it.

It would be better after my shift.

Really?

Then, before you go to bed tonight, bring me a cup of tea.

Send me your boss, please, I need to speak with her.

Which tea would you like?

Not herbal tea, it makes me sleepy.

Come in!

How can I help?

I'm Félix's cousin.

Really?

Instead of coming to me himself, he sends me an ambassador.

He's as brave as always!

- Ma'am-- - Sit down over there.

You can call me Alexia,

since you're family.

Well, Alexia...

Félix told me everything.

He told me he'd loved you...

with great tenderness.

Let's not confuse making love with having feelings.

I don't mind being dumped, but at least do it right.

He was very wrong.

I did tell him,

but he was scared of explaining himself,

he wasn't brave enough.

"Brave?" He's afraid of his own shadow!

Yes, well...

He's very unstable, I know.

Life is now giving him a chance to settle down.

Don't try to seek revenge, let him have this chance.

That...

Taking him back would be easy for you, yes...

You're so beautiful. Your body is so...

wonderful.

What man...

What man... could ever resist you?

But that would ruin everything!

The present, the past... the future!

What's your name, little cousin?

That's funny, I can't remember.

Right, François.

Well, François...

you're very cute.

Where's my wife?

Who's your wife?

- Mrs Courdu. I'm Mr Courdu! - Really?

You're screwing her here?

Shut up! I have proof!

Really? No, wait, sir!

Calm down, you're making a mistake.

No, she's making a mistake! She's cheating on me, read this!

What's this?

"I think about your small breasts and legs day and night."

That's so funny!

- You think that's funny? - It's not that serious.

It's just a daydreamer scribbling.

So, this is where they meet up? It all happens here? You matchmaker!

I'm not a matchmaker! Watch your mouth!

I've got nothing to do with this!

Don't worry, I won't bother you long. I'll kill them both and leave.

- You'll clean up! - No!

You're stubborn, aren't you? There's no Mrs Courdu here!

How would you know? Do you ask for ID?

- I know the only single woman here. - My wife is not single!

If she's not single, she's not here! This guy is a real nut-job!

Sure, he knows how to cook, but he's so vulgar.

I live alone and...

I have some wealth. In business, one should have a partner.

Working with a woman like you, just imagine it.

Think about your future.

It might be a mistake,

but I see my future with Félix.

- The rooms are this way? - I'm telling you, they're empty!

I know some men have nerve, but you're taking it too far!

See? I was right.

What about this one?

- What's going on? - That one's busy.

What do you want?

What's wrong with you?

- Fine, you can continue. - What?

This way, Doctor.

Please forgive him, he's lost his stethoscope.

We were so sure it was here. He's losing his head.

Those two will pay for an extra night!

Not very empty, is it?

Yeah, that's the family.

Don't mind me!

Thanks for sending me your cousin.

But you're the one I want to talk to.

Not now, later.

Later... will be too late.

This guy's starting to piss me off!

That's family too.

Big family!

Are you convinced yet?

- Yeah. - Me too.

I'll wait for her downstairs.

Is the champagne to your liking?

Is the boss to your liking?

Great, then.

He gets upset easily.

Do forgive him.

Who's that?

A madman who wants to kill his wife. Watch out, it's contagious!

Oh, please!

What about when you charm our female clients?

- With me, it's strictly professional. - Me too!

Will you settle this deal or not?

It's not the time to ruin it all by being jealous, silly!

Does your girlfriend like to share?

Well, I mean, I have a few...

- You, scram! - Okay, I'll leave you to it.

I have to talk to this woman.

- I'll go. - Yes, go on.

Now, then.

You're going to be a good girl now.

Don't cause any trouble, this is a serious situation.

Anyway, you can get any man you want.

I can be understanding.

But tonight, to say goodbye...

one last time.

Wouldn't you like that?

You're definitely not the kind I'd forget in that sense.

Let's take our time!

Hello.

- You're a hunter? - No, a righter of wrongs!

No, come on, that's enough! This is unbelievable, give me that!

I love my wife.

I adore her.

Imagining her in another man's arms?

I'd rather see her dead!

Dead, both of them!

Come on, hand it over.

This is terrible, guns are no good!

What if it gets jammed? You'll look pretty stupid!

- That's the plan! - Really?

I've got this.

Snap!

"Snap..."

And some poison in their drinks... Slam!

And if that goes wrong...

Then... boom!

I can't miss them! I definitely can't!

I can't miss them! I sure won't!

He's getting on my nerves,

we have to get rid of this lunatic.

I have an idea.

Give him sleeping pills and throw him in a bush.

Genius! Then he'll come back, guns blazing.

Let's go warn his wife.

But who is his wife?

Now what? This isn't my day, is it?

A gin martini, please.

How about that idea to deal with this moron?

No, I can't do that to him.

- You know her better than I do. - Exactly.

Go outside and stop anyone from coming in.

See you later.

You asked for a gin martini?

- Yes. - Alright.

Did you hire a bodyguard?

What are you worried about? Extortion or thugs?

That's not it at all!

He says his wife comes here to get laid.

If you could get him out of here, avoid a brawl...

Do I look like the riot police? Or a peacekeeper?

You can make anyone do anything.

Except you.

Alright.

- But I'll see you tonight. - Is that reasonable?

Fine.

Charming place, isn't it?

An ideal place to relax.

Isn't that right?

Sometimes, you need to be alone.

When you're in love, ma'am...

real life is when you're together.

You can feel lonely without meaning to.

It's a big, empty feeling.

Especially when you're a romantic.

It truly is terrible to be so tender.

And so rare too.

I wanted to go for a stroll in the park, but...

it's getting dark.

I get easily scared.

A bit of fresh air would do me some good,

if you'd allow me to join you.

That's very kind of you. With pleasure.

Hello?

Alright.

You can count on me. Goodbye, sir.

What was that?

A client's delayed because his car broke down.

He's meeting a Mrs Courdu here.

God damn it, why didn't you warn me?

Why didn't you tell him to say put?

We're not exactly full! If we start turning away clients...

She even has a go at me!

Some days, I should have just stayed in bed!

Now what?

Did someone ask for me? I'm Mrs Courdu.

Yes, but the man you're meeting can't be here right now,

he's having car trouble. Goodbye, ma'am!

Honestly, sir!

I'm dying of thirst.

Would it be too much trouble to ask for a whiskey?

- It would, ma'am. - Excuse me?

Alcohol is very bad for women.

It gives you skin conditions and cellulite.

Not to me, sir.

Fair enough.

Chef, why not take care of dinner instead of this lady's thighs?

Everything alright?

Leave me alone, now's a bad time! I need some fresh air too.

Mrs Courdu's here! Why'd you let her in?

She must have gone in while I was peeing in a bush.

Instead of killing my plants, you should...

Dear God! Here he comes!

You really are useless!

If you talk to me like that, then forget it!

Don't get mad, I got carried away.

Please understand, I'm going mental here.

If that hag sees her man with another chick,

sparks are going to fly!

- I don't give a damn! - Do give a damn!

Listen, let's go have a drink! A nice little drink.

Look, I try to be nice, but enough is enough!

Come on, be reasonable. Listen...

François!

Listen to me, François! Please, do something!

Alright, fine. But I'm getting paid double.

What? We can discuss that later.

Fine, double.

My love, I'm so sorry I'm late!

You were chatting with this man, good.

Thank you for keeping her company, sir. Thank you!

Two days without you is an eternity for me!

I love you! I love you!

What the hell are you doing here?

What about you?

Don't bother, I know everything.

I found this in your bag.

You go through my stuff now? Great!

Explain it to me so I can hear you loud and clear.

Hey, since when is that inspector engaged to that woman?

I don't know!

He saw her come in but didn't say a word!

Maybe they had a fight at first, but they made up later.

That happens to us too.

Well?

I should have told you, but...

you know, with all the problems you have at the moment...

I'm listening.

A compulsive liar...

has been following me for weeks.

- At first, I laughed. - I'm not laughing!

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore,

so I decided to show up to meet him.

To tell him to stop bothering me.

Well, for me to believe that,

I'd need to see it.

You're still here?

I thought I made it clear you'd get nothing from me!

But ma'am, I...

Stop your stupid letters at once!

I'm sick of your dirty notes!

She's completely crazy!

About my husband, yes, sir!

He's the only man in my life.

- The only one! - My darling!

Darling!

You poor thing.

You're miserable.

You're delirious!

A woman like her? You must be dreaming!

Alright, it's all sorted, everything's over now.

I wouldn't want your bitch of a wife in my bed!

- Take that back! - Just look at her!

She's got big boobs and a big ass!

Get the hell out of here now!

Geneviève, go get my butcher knife!

Get out, you two!

- Good evening. - Good evening.

She wants to go to bed, poor girl.

While some people are never in a hurry.

How weird, Félix seems to be in a bad mood.

He and I have planned one last roll in the hay tonight.

He's getting impatient.

- I should leave you, then. - I've changed my mind!

Now that I think about it, he really is without shame.

He drops me like a hot potato for that woman,

and what does he do?

He asks me to flirt with clients to get him out of this mess.

We had to act fast.

I'm really sorry I had to kiss you in front of everyone.

Did I say I didn't enjoy it?

No...

Looks like the inspector will be having a great night.

That's good news for you.

He could have at least waited until tomorrow.

Why?

On their first night, just like that?

I thought you were against fast-track love?

They're not doing any harm, just chatting.

Yes, but that woman...

She's not the kind to settle for fancy words.

Really? You know her?

No, I can just smell it.

Right, I'm going to bed.

Goodnight, then.

Goodnight.

- Good evening. - Good evening.

- Leave them, let's go upstairs. - I'll join you in a bit.

- But you'll wake me up. - No way, you sleep like a baby.

You never wake up.

Come on.

I can't leave them alone at the bar.

I don't want them to get drunk at our expense.

I think they have other plans in mind.

- Come on. - No, you go ahead.

Two stiff William Lawsons, please.

What do you think you're doing?

Go back to your room and stay there.

I don't want to stay angry with her. I need to talk to her.

We always talk to women too much, then we regret it. Isn't that right?

Really?

Well? Is that Lawson coming or not?

Well, Félix?

Are you coming?

Fine, you can help yourselves.

Tomorrow, you'll get the bill.

Believe me, your wallet will take a hit.

That guy's getting on my nerves.

- Where are you going? - For a ride on my moped.

A moped at this hour?

Waking up all the clients? Are you crazy?

- I'll cut the engine. - Go to bed!

I'll cut something, alright!

What a tragic story, Chef!

"What a tragic story."

Want me to escort you outside?

No, thanks. There's no need for that yet.

Get out! You're pissing me off, get out!

What the hell is that?

Ginger tea for the man in room 16.

They're pissing me off, all of them!

Calm down, honey.

You've had a tough day, come and relax.

Okay, I'll relax, but no hanky-panky!

But you know that relaxes you. Come on!

- I'm too weak. - Come on!

You have such soft lips.

This might not be the right time to say this, but...

I wouldn't want Dorothée to do the same as we're doing.

No need to tell her.

Oh, yeah. That's true.

Mrs Sulpice, if the boss saw you...

The boss can go to--

Hello, La Catuña Inn, I'm listening.

Mr François Frazier?

Please hold.

Yes, he's the one in room 28.

They're still asleep.

It's a bit early to wake them up, they must have stayed up late.

Really?

So, he's not alone in his room?

No, absolutely not.

It's not urgent. Thank you.

Alright, goodbye, honey.

- My best wishes to your Aunt Jeanne. - Right.

- Give her a kiss from me. - Of course.

Goodbye.

- Bye, darling. - Bye, honey.

Well, ma'am? Is your husband still traveling?

I see him sometimes, between two flights.

Why don't you travel to cloud nine as well?

I know a restaurant

that has Chiroubles wine that will take you straight to heaven.

Right, Georges?

Yes, it's true that you...

Dorothée, you're late!

Could you drive me to the country? I don't have my car.

To the country? Right now?

You have offered that to me before.

If you still want to, take this chance. Now's the time!

No kidding! Women sure are unpredictable!

Here, Georges. I leave you in charge of the salon.

- Yes, sir. - This is great!

Dorothée! Where would you like to go, my little kitten?

I know a place.

I hear people have lots of fun there.

Really? I hope it's not too far.

No, no.

Mr François Frazier, please.

Did you call earlier?

No.

It looks like he's very popular. I better wake him up.

Really?

Yes?

Yes, hello?

Yes, that's me.

A woman?

Oh my God, Dorothée!

No, don't let her come up! I'm coming downstairs!

Wake up, go back to your room!

- What are you doing here? - You didn't come to me, so I come to you.

Does your husband know?

- No, or it wouldn't be a surprise! - Right.

Let's go rehearse in your room.

- No! - Yes!

- Really? - Yes, I brought my costume!

Just a sec, I'll be right back.

Quick, prepare another room

and make the bed look like I slept in it. Hurry!

- Your life isn't easy! - Hey, watch it!

- François, I'm waiting! - François' coming!

- Sorry. - Good.

Can't you watch where you're going?

It looks like you haven't slept much.

What's it to you?

Anyway, you're the one to talk. Just look at yourself!

You look like you got ready with the blinds closed.

It's hard to sleep next to Boss Lady, she's got way too much energy.

So does Mr Guidebook!

He wants another room for another woman!

That guy's taking things a bit too far.

Where is he?

Who?

Don't make fun of me!

Did you enjoy it?

Ten out of ten!

Right, but don't forget you're in my place.

That's what makes it so spicy!

Remember what you promised me?

Nicole!

Nicole!

Where is that airhead?

Thank you, that's perfect.

- I'm only here to serve you. - Right...

Let's not waste time, I'll put my costume on right away.

Sure.

Yes, who is it?

I'm bringing breakfast!

Oh my God, it's Geneviève!

Come in!

It's a beautiful day today. Did you sleep well?

Marvelously well.

Come out from there, honey! You'll suffocate.

I'll bring you another breakfast set.

That wasn't very nice!

What are you doing?

Hey, that's lucky,

I'll take it. I need it for room 28.

Are you planning on marrying your chef soon?

Why do you ask me that?

I judge men by their first impression.

He doesn't look like the marrying type.

Women are all bitches!

You don't know him.

Do you really think so?

You seem to judge men a bit too hastily.

He has many qualities.

I hope you'll be satisfied with him.

I already am.

- Have a nice day, ma'am. - Goodbye.

That bitch! She won't lift a finger for me!

Women nowadays...

She'll pay for this! I'm going to kick her out!

Hey, Chef!

Doing a bit of mountain climbing?

Make sure you don't lose your grip.

Will you shut the hell up?

When I get down, you're going to get it!

That bastard!

Little moron.

What's this?

What a mess!

The chimney's not working,

I was just checking what the heating engineers did.

What a bunch of slackers...

Honey, you shouldn't be doing acrobatics at your age.

You're right. It's high time I relax in the southern sun.

- I think we're very close. - Really?

Last night, this place increased in value.

The guidebook man slept with the client in room 15.

From the state of their bed, we're bound to get five stars!

Really?

Sure, but winning them over like this...

You know what I think? It's disgusting!

Excuse me, please.

Could you bring two breakfasts? My partner's hungry. Excuse me.

That man's got so much energy!

Maybe but now, he's going way too far!

- Where did you run off to? - An unexpected visit.

- How many? - Two.

You can sleep a little longer.

I'll have my coffee... and leave.

Was this visit from a woman?

- It's work. But when you gotta go... - You gotta go!

I can't do this anymore.

Hey, did you know?

Client 28 is also sleeping with client 25.

Yes, he's in great shape!

I'm getting rid of him, he's pissing me off.

I can't take it anymore!

Where'd he go? I'll get rid of him.

What's going on?

There! A spider!

- So what? - I'm scared!

It's awful, with so many legs!

Of course, spiders have lots of legs!

Hold on.

There, all sorted. That's that.

Yes...

That's it!

- What's wrong? - That's it!

- I've sprained my ankle! - You've got to be kidding me.

Don't start complaining.

It's better to step on a spider than on some soap.

- Yes, but... - "Yes, but..."

Listen, I can't lean on my foot at all.

That's good...

Come on, don't be such a wimp!

Yes, that's nice. Keep going, that feels good.

- Really? - Yes.

That's not my foot.

The swelling might go up, so...

I've got breakfast!

Come in!

Why are you hiding?

The biggest flirts are often very shy.

What's gotten into you?

Where are you going?

Wait... Who's in room 25, then?

That's the million dollar question.

Where's Mr Félix?

What's the matter?

Hey, what about my ankle?

I'll go get some help.

- Can I come in? - Yes.

I sprained my ankle.

- Where? - Right there.

That looks...

No, a bit higher.

My whole leg's hurting.

That's it.

- Yes. - Excuse me.

If you need a fourth player

to play bridge, don't hesitate to call me.

We try to satisfy every one of our clients' needs.

- Put on your costume. - Are you in a hurry?

You want to impress your husband? There's work to do!

Really?

There.

Stop messing around, Chef!

Don't overdo it!

Think of your poor heart!

And you think of the ass-kicking I'll give you when I come down!

You asshole!

You were right,

this place does look fun!

- Hello. - Hello, ma'am.

Could we have lunch? Give us your best table.

Come and choose one yourself. Please follow me.

I'll be right back.

Is Mr Frazier still sleeping?

No, another woman came to visit him.

Good things always come in threes.

I hope he has a big bed.

He has two rooms.

One for the first woman last night, and another for the one this morning.

I see. When you see him, give him the number of my room too.

Do you think that's reasonable?

Do as you're told.

What name shall I give him?

It's a surprise.

Okay, I picked the best table.

While we wait for lunch,

we could go for a walk in the forest.

Don't you think a room would be more comfortable?

A room? Right now?

Isn't that what you wanted?

I love you, my little sweetheart.

Say, ma'am!

That asshole!

- Here you are, sir. - Excuse me. Thank you, ma'am.

Could you send us a bottle of champagne, if you please?

- Certainly. - Thank you, ma'am.

They're so cute!

Not very big, but very cute.

You have great timing!

- And you're having a great time! - Come on!

She dragged me in here!

Yes, poor you!

She just fell and I tried to help her up.

No need to follow her around.

That'll teach me to help the staff.

I've told you to never climb on a chair to hang the laundry.

And you say nothing!

What if she'd broken her leg when we're all busy?

Who would be doing her job?

Me?

You piss me off.

So beautiful.

No, no, no!

It needs more nuance! Add a bit more life into it!

Let's start over.

Dear Sir!

Don't make me regret accepting to meet you here,

in a moment of weakness.

My heart beats for no one but you.

- Madame-- - Miss!

- No, the text says "Madame." - I don't like that.

She doesn't like it... Fine, then.

Miss...

Imagining the woman I love in the arms of another

is unbearable to me.

You're hurting me!

You're ripping my clothes!

- But... that's Dorothée! - Come on now!

That's simply impossible. Let's continue.

Stop it! You're such an animal!

- Leave me alone! Stop it! - What do you mean, "stop it?"

Are you kidding me? You don't know what you want!

Dorothée! Are you in here?

Kiss me, quick! It's François!

"François?" What the hell does that mean?

Is this a set-up?

You damn bastard!

I see, this was all a trap!

It's not me!

She's the one who brought me here!

And he's a coward! I'm going to kill this loser!

Get the hell out! Go find your other mistresses!

I'll explain later. I'll get him first!

Where is he?

Is this what you call a peaceful inn?

That's nothing, they're just jogging.

Where is he?

François left me here. He's hearing voices.

I'm going to get rid of that pervert!

What the hell are you doing in that get-up? Take that off!

- No! We're not done rehearsing! - Go rehearse somewhere else.

I have a potential buyer for this place,

but he's going crazy with all this nonsense!

If he suddenly sees a chick in fancy dress in the hallway,

he'll never want to buy!

Help me, I can't take it off alone!

All this just to surprise my husband! Honestly...

Tell your husband to help you, it's not my job.

Aren't they cute?

Are you insane?

There's the coward!

- Yes, here he is. - I'm going to kill him.

I'll beat him up! I'll destroy him!

Don't forget to tip the staff.

What a racist!

- What's wrong with this thing? - Watch it!

- Can you take it off or not? - Hey, this isn't my job!

I don't mind helping, but there are limits.

- Well? - This damn thing...

Please excuse me, there's a madman chasing me.

Am I disturbing you?

Not at all, she was about to leave.

Take that thing off.

You?

What about you? What are you doing here?

As for what you're up to, there's no need for an explanation!

And dressed up as an aristocrat!

You come to inns to get laid

dressed up like a courtesan!

For erotic refinement, that takes the cake!

And you, you little runt, have dragged my wife into debauchery?

Hey, she didn't need me for that!

And stop screaming! I'm not screaming, am I?

Take your damn woman away!

And preferably, in silence.

He wants me to shut up!

That's the last straw!

I'm going to murder this idiot!

This place isn't an inn, it's a whorehouse!

Hey, give my star-rating a bit of respect.

You can shove your stars up--

Hey, let's be polite!

I'm going to wipe the floor with you!

You! You're the one who dragged my wife into indecency?

Now I understand all the little chats

when you're at the salon! You son of a bitch!

What about Dorothée? You've got some nerve!

What a nice coincidence!

I was about to get revenge, but I was interrupted.

Really?

That other idiot was an animal.

But you... you seem so gentle.

So gentle...

François, if that's you, go play somewhere else!

I'm in very good hands, thank you!

It's the champagne!

Where are you going?

To get the glasses.

Come in!

Sorry that took so long, I didn't have any chilled champagne.

Are you alone?

Just for the moment.

Dorothée gets insanely jealous, and for no good reason.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Poor Agathe, I ruined her surprise.

- If you were in my position-- - Yes, you tried to put yourself in mine!

Yes... You know, for revenge, women are capable of anything!

And for no reason at all!

Honey! Where have you been?

We all have moments of weakness.

Yes, we sure do!

- Honey! Did François explain it all? - Yes.

- We sorted it all out. - The champagne you ordered is here.

Where?

To drink with who?

- It's for me! - Yes, it's for him!

Excuse me, she's waiting for me. Sorry.

- Yes... - Well?

Can't we have some too?

Yes! Ma'am, could you bring us some chilled champagne too?

Come on, honey.

This is worse than the fall of Rome!

What do I do in all this?

That problem must definitely be resolved.

Momo!

Momo, come here!

Momo, I'll make a great chef out of you!

I'm going to fall on my ass!

Momo, I'll put you back on clean-up duty!

Who should I call in case of an accident?

Do something, you asshole!

Go get me a ladder!

Félix?

Félix!

It's best if Boss Lady doesn't see your daredevil stunts.

She might not like it.

I'm begging you, get me a ladder!

Alright, fine. But we'll have to ban vocabulary

such as "asshole", "loser", "son of an alcoholic",

and other insults which are incompatible with my dignity.

I promise! I swear, Momo!

Hurry! Hurry up, Momo!

If you break your promise,

I could go tell everyone your naughty adventures

as fun little anecdotes.

Say, for example...

"The cook had more fun in bed than in the kitchen!"

Momo!

Get a move on!

Wait, I almost forgot!

No more peeling! My fingers are delicate!

Dirty work is bad for my hands, got it? Let's shake on it!

Fine! Come on up here and we'll shake hands!

I'll shake with both hands!

Well, keep one hand to hold the ladder.

Come on, shake a leg, baby!

What are you doing up there?

He's fixing a leak in the gutter, so you don't have to pay.

First, the chimney, now, the gutter?

I thought you hated doing DIY.

Mr Félix has the best interest of this place at heart.

Isn't this boy cute?

Okay, be a nice boy,

go tell Mrs Sulpice to get the vegetables ready.

- Go on, boy. - With pleasure, Mr Félix!

- Yeah... - Well, that is his job!

That boy's got a great future, he'll go far in life!

We can't ruin it for him.

You don't get it? I'll explain, come on.

Hello, Mr Félix.

- How are you? - Fine.

Well?

So, we gave you a new fender, radiator,

then we gave it a polish. I did the best I could for the bill.

It's quite a bit, yes.

It's not cheap, but it's fine. We'll put it down as a general expense.

Here.

And anyway...

when you come eat here, I'll do the best I can!

- Put it as a general expense. - I don't have any cash.

- It's fine, keep it all. - Thanks a lot!

Bye, Mr Félix.

You had some trouble with my car?

Uh.. just an oil change.

That's right, and cleaned it up nicely.

He could take a bit more care of me instead of his car.

Never satisfied, are they?

Damn women! You do things for them and they just complain.

- They're never satisfied. - You bet!

Right, let's settle this, shall we?

Come on, that's way too much!

- Come on! - I guess it was worth that much.

I make more money working with you than I do for TV!

- Well, so long, Mr Félix. - See you.

See you next time.

Get the paperwork ready, we'll sign once we're back from the West Indies.

- Certainly. - I'll go get the car.

I can already hear the cicada buzzing!

- Thanks to who? - I could kiss you.

- Go on, you have my permission. - Thank you.

- I'll come visit you in the south. - Gladly!

Geneviève, tell me I'm dreaming!

Well, Fredo? Still interested in restaurant scams?

You've had a good week!

As usual, he said he wanted to buy the establishment.

It makes you trust him and makes his stay much easier for him.

Forgive me, honey... I feel a bit faint.

Women rarely come here with their husbands.

So, it's hard to make a claim without saying where they were robbed.

My ring!

My necklace!

That rotten bastard!

We even cleared his bill!

And that young guy who cost me a fortune!

That guy should rot in jail!

You'll reduce his sentence again, won't you?

You bunch of scumbags!

In six months, he'll start all over again!

But once he's free, I'll shoot the bastard!

I'll shoot the jury,

I'll even blow up the goddamn court!

And if that doesn't work...

I leave Geneviève behind,

my kitchen too,

and I call it a day.

Bananas in sauerkraut? That's worth at least ten years.

Dear Lord, in all your kindness and mercy,

please make the soul of this fucking lost sheep--

Forgive me!

Perish in the eternal flames!

Hold me back, I'm going to strangle that man!

Hold me back!

From the dawn of time to present day

there have always been innkeepers

Selling wine, wearing furs or jackets

Beer, gin fizz, or cat piss

From the moment the first chef cooked

A piece of mammoth on a rock

France said "hallelujah, cock-a-doodle-doo!"

We may not be modest, but we're great cooks

We're not out of the woods yet

All over the country

All the Gauls think they call the shots

From Pierre, to Paul, to Serge

They give themselves three stars

Relaxing at the table or in bed

They drink two bottles, then drown in a glass of water

Even when we ran out of ideas

We found a way to be creative

Really? What talent! Thanks, Mom!

We should all be given medals

We're not out of the woods yet

All over the country

All the Gauls think they call the shots

From Pierre, to Paul, to Serge

They give themselves three stars

Relaxing at the table or in bed

They drink two bottles, then drown in a glass of water