Original subtitles

I came late to sex. I was nearly ten.

That was when my friend Mark Watkins told me how babies were made.

Really? Are you sure?

Yeah. Honest. Saw it in one of my daddy's videos.

For over a year after that, I thought babies were made

when two women tied a man to a bed and covered his willy with ice cream.

But it's your favourite flavour.

Na na!

At secondary school, we were given the facts.

unless the female is willing to place herself correctly for him.

She then lies with her hind legs

and the formerly aggressive spines laid flat.

The male seizes her

and mating takes place.

Mating lasts only a minute or two, and the pair separates.

The male plays no further part in bringing up the family.

Indeed, the two animals will probably never meet again.

So, that was sex.

Simple, really. Just find someone to do it with,

find somewhere to do it, and do it.

Thing is, when you are my age,

it just isn't that simple.

And as for falling in love

well, nothing prepares you for that.

Anything interesting?

Oh. Not really.

Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare.

It's really, you know, boring.

He speaks very highly of you.

- You doing your homework? - Trying to.

You might find it easier with the book turned the right way up.

- What do you do? - I'm a writer.

Wow. A writer.

I've thought about, you know, writing and stuff.

I'm not really sure. I-I've entered a competition in the local paper.

You have to write about what it's like

the new millennium.

- Oh, you know.

Could be better.

No.

I guess it's hard for any sixteen-year-old,

- but when you're... You know? - I know.

- You're lovely. - Well, you're not so bad yourself.

- Tart. - Jealous.

Oh, Linda, he's stunning. He's got eyes like Brad Pitt.

- Tart. - He's witty and gorgeous.

- Dangerous. - Lins, you know I'm always safe.

You promised me you wouldn't do it anymore.

I don't! I was just sitting outside

Steve, babe, don't bullshit me.

Some git starts blagging you outside the public bog, he's only up for one thing.

Well, where else am I supposed to meet

And he's not some randy old git. His name's Glen.

He's up for the same thing I am. We're going to the woods again on Friday.

- He could have done anything to you.

Or you could have been arrested. It's so risky.

Life's a risk, Lins.

Linda, Mum says if you don't come in for Your tea now, she'll give it to the dog.

- Okay, okay. - You haven't got a dog.

Well, we'll get one.

He's never gonna let you drive it.

That's not what he said he was doing.

- Hi. - Hi.

- You're late again.

for the newspaper competition.

Special study groups

- Great.

Should meet the deadline.

Oh. Deadlines.

Well, he won't meet any deadlines sitting in the park.

Mrs. Gillingham said she saw you sitting in the park.

Oh, yeah.

I had a bit of a block, so I went there to unblock.

Steven, you are going to

Of course I am.

Because if this is just another of your fads,

then you might as well use the study time for your schoolwork.

Oh!

�Come, gentle night. Come, loving black-browed night.

Give me my Romeo. And when I die��,

- Sorry, sir. - Ah, Steven.

Bus hijacked

Or were you confined

Romeo and Juliet, Steven.

Okay, sit down. Oh, have you

- Steve. If it's not done by tomorrow,

I'll have to suggest

the special study periods after school.

Carry on, Wendy.

��Take him and cut him out in little stars,

and he will make

- Mark.

�So tedious is this day as is

to an impatient child that hath

I'm just saying people sometimes go through a phase.

That's how old I was when I discovered masturbation.

Mind you it was

before I realized I could do it on my own.

Stop trying to shock me. I'm unshockable.

Stick to your own balls.

You haven't told those wankers

Oh, yeah, I announced it at assembly this morning.

I told you, no one knows.

Geez, if they thought

Fuck me around enough because

and I've got an I.Q of over 25.

School full of tossers.

Oh, yeah. Bet you fancy half of �em.

No way.

John Dixon. He is sex on legs.

I know. Every time I see

I wish it was an invitation.

Sure wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating biscuits.

- Great poster. - Yeah, but no one's gonna see it here.

Well, why don't you take down

It's been here for centuries.

You can create your own notice board.

Should we ask

Probably.

- Oh, it's fine.

Look, if it makes you feel easier, I'll mention it to the Head later.

-Thanks. -Look, I'd better go. I've got training.

Don't work that body too hard.

- Hi. - Oh, hi.

So, um, you're on the school magazine this term.

I am the school magazine. No one else could be fucked.

I'd like to help.

Whatever.

Finish clearing this lot and, um,

- Yes! - Oh, for God's sake.

Steve, he's not coming.

The gorgeous Glen is 45 minutes late.

- He just got held up. - By his balls, I hope.

Sweetheart, I know you want me

I just don't feel very comfortable here.

- Anyway, I've got to get home. - Not another driving lesson.

eight.

Not all men are obsessed with sex, you know.

Look, you go home if you want to.

- You'll scare him off if he sees you. - Cheers!

No, I mean

You know what I mean.

You be careful.

Oh, bugger.

Meet you outside. On the bench.

- Come on. Come on.

Oh. Thanks.

This is a nice park.

Yeah, it's nice.

Filthy habit.

- Smoking.

I only started because all my mates did.

Peer pressure, they call it.

Yeah.

Peer pressure.

Don't smoke to impress me.

- You be yourself. - Yeah.

- Hey, the name's John.

John. About what

Forget it, mate. My mistake. I don't know what came over me.

In there it's usually a question of not knowing who came over you.

- I didn't know it was you. - I certainly didn't know it was you.

Look, let's just put it out of our minds.

You don't know why

Geez, I thought�when Kevin and the guys call you names and that,

they're only

I mean, you're not

- Oh, fuck me.

Fuck me. I'm sorry.

Don't be. I'm not.

- I live around the corner. - No, I don't like coffee.

Anyway, I should get in some training tonight. You know, sports day.

Yeah. Good luck.

- Yeah.

Here. It's hot.

There's only the bed, I'm afraid.

- The tea. - Oh, yeah. Great.

Didn't have you down for a soccer fan.

- I'm not.

Oh.

Since I was 11.

- Yeah.

this porn mag being passed around,

and all the other kids were deciding which girl they liked and stuff,

and, uh, and one kid whispers to me,

�Don't know what the fuss is about. I'd

I've never really talked to another bloke about this stuff.

Oh, it's okay. I'm just interested.

Well, intrigued.

- Only Linda. She's a mate of mine.

- Haven't got a clue.

- I'm not gonna let them find out.

They'd be gutted.

Blimey!

- Oh, that must be Linda's.

- Please. - Bloody hell. A gay teddy bear.

John.

I can't. I can't handle that.

It's all right, John. Lots of gay blokes don't like kissing.

I'm not gay! Look.

It was just a bit of fun.

- I only came for coffee. - You don't like coffee.

Stop being so fucking clever!

John!

Hi, John.

Steven!

Steven!

- Your tea's ready. - I'm not hungry.

Steven, have you got

No.

- Yeah.

- No, it's crap. Stupid.

But you were really into it.

- Come on, let's have a look. - No.

- I'm not sending it in. - Oh, God, Steven.

Why can't you

I mean,

Sorry to be such a disappointment.

- They had to lie.

You don't think being up front

What, like,

Well, I know I'm only 14 and that, and I know he's just murdered your cousin,

but I thought he was a bit of

Well, what would you guys

You will have to recite a speech.

Any chance of borrowing camera equipment

No chance. He's got real down on me at the moment.

God, Mark, I'm not grovelling to my dad just so you can impress Wendy Bates.

Oh, thanks.

- Everything's fine.

- I said everything's fine.

Oh, did Mark ask you

Uh, yeah. I don't think I'm gonna be able to get one.

Oh, that's a shame. Wendy's

What's with this

Well, I just thought doing the school magazine would be good for me.

Hmm. Okay.

Just you make sure I get it back. I need it for Richard's wedding.

And yes, you do have to come.

- Ah, Mr. Armstrong.

Not to worry. I'm not quite ready myself yet, so make yourself at home.

I�II be back in a minute.

Glen! God, I thought I'd never see you again.

What the hell

I just came to borrow a camera from my dad.

- It's cool.

He's got no idea.

- Please, keep your voice down.

Hello, darling.

I thought I told you not to wear that jacket.

Now, Mrs. Armstrong, if you'd like to just take a seat there.

Good. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Hello.

�From forth the fatal loins of these two foes,

a pair of

- and suck it off with a straw.

- God, he's perfect.

He can pass me his baton any day.

- Hi.

Yes, sir. I was just helping Wendy do some research.

Um, Steve's gonna take the photos for us.

It's all right if he joins

Uh, yeah, all right, thanks.

-John, we need to do that shoot now. - Yeah, fine.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Yeah.

- Maybe you should wear that. - Yeah, if you want.

Well, you're the expert, Steven, so I'll leave it to you.

Hey, you know that guy who was arrested

- Yeah. - He's only a bloody priest.

- In the park.

The police say the woods are full of pervs.

Jess!

- Right on cue. - We need to talk.

Shouldn't you be somewhere else,

Yeah. Post-moron tension.

Best thing you ever did dumping that wanker.

Hey, Steve, do you want to go to the woods later with a camera,

No, seriously, we could write something about this.

We want the magazine to be

Well, what could be more radical

It's not a gay story.

- It's a pervert story.

Well, you're not gay and you're a pervert.

- Leave him alone, Kevin! - Queer fuck!

- I'm not queer.

Kevin!

Stop pratting around, Grainger.

Leave the girlies alone.

Uh, yeah, I'm fine.

So, um, when did

Oh, um,

a few days ago.

I-I'd rather not,

I knew she liked him.

Yeah. He's liked her forever.

- Maybe.

If she finally gives up on the idea

away from Christina

- No.

She's not a real model. She models underwear for mail-order catalogues.

Oh.

Still, she is rather gorgeous.

I told Wendy you'd have to be pretty special to take John away from her.

Yeah.

I brought your photos back. They're on your desk.

Oh, thanks.

I think she likes me, but she seems, like, quite distant sometimes.

It's killing me. We're talking permanent erection here.

- There's a medical term for that.

Funny. Did you

I'm sure she's not wearing a bra.

God, just ask her to go to the bloody ball with you.

- Well, it's difficult. - It could be more fucking difficult.

Do you want to go to the cinema on

- Maybe. - Go on, it'll cheer you up.

- I don't need cheering up. - Oh, yeah, right.

All right. Cinema, Sunday.

- Fine.

We must stop meeting like this.

- Hi, Mr. Carter. - Hello, Linda.

- You look nice today. - So do you.

- Mrs. C. - See you Monday, Linda love.

Steve!

So, that's the incredible

The girl you've been staring at for the last 20 minutes.

Have not.

You ever thought of doing it

Not exactly.

Stop staring at him. It's embarrassing.

- He stares back. - In your dreams.

- Get off of me!

- Yeah.

Just needed some air.

Kevin Grainger's

You all right,

- Mmm.

- Yeah, Jessica. - Ah, forget her. Pasture's new, boy.

Pastures is right. Cows, the lot of them.

Well, you don't look at the mantel piece

What happens if you're

So, it was fine for six months.

He was nice,

almost, you know, romantic.

Give me a break.

did it.

First time for me.

Oh, God, I'm not sure I should be telling all this to a bloke.

Okay. On the day

well, everything.

Details, graphic details.

Even what I'd been saying

I felt humiliated.

He said he's sorry.

No, you deserve better than that.

Thanks.

Look, I'm fine now. Let's go back in.

Anyway, I think I'm off blokes for life.

Yeah, you're a real secretive one.

No, not really.

But you'd like there to be.

- Something like that.

- Yeah.

There you are. She looks available.

God, you'd have to be desperate.

Hi. I'm Kevin.

- Thirsty.

- No, thanks.

cuddly girls.

So, uh, could I

He's seeing me home.

- No, not you, Steven.

Oi, Carter! Not exactly

No, she's cuddly,

and until a few seconds ago, you assumed

instead of some slim oil painting,

for a quick one in the doorway of Toys-R-Us.

- Linda. - I can just imagine sex with you:

the pathetic fumbling to find the bra strap,

the slobbery kisses, belching

because you've had too much

and then the main event,

or not at all because you're too fucking pissed.

Shall I take that

- Take it up your bum. - Thought that was his department.

Just because he's got a prick, he thinks he's God's gift to womankind.

Sod this. If you're going to put me through this bloody torture,

we might as well at least have a dance.

Don't you start!

- Sorry, I was thinking of someone else. - Charming.

God, it gets really boring sometimes.

You haven't got a monopoly on rejection, you know.

- At least you're not me. - Cuddly.

Sweetheart, I'm not cuddly. I'm not a big girl, I'm not well-rounded.

I'm absolutely

The only offers I get are from dickheads

and even then after he's tried every other girl in the place.

At the end of the evening, dancing with the desperate.

Tsk. Men.

Look, let's have a night of debauchery while your parents are away.

I'll nip home and get a video, you can break into your mum's Cinzano cellar.

you, me and Mel Gibson.

- We are the neighbours.

Yeah. I'll put the door on the latch.

I'm changing! Down in a sec.

Hi.

I need to use your loo.

Oh.

It's first on the right.

Shit!

Linda! I really don't feel too good.

- I think I'll just go to bed.

- Good night. - Steven, I really hate you sometimes.

The front door was open.

I just

- Thank God.

- I don't like coffee!

You don't like kissing.

I'm sorry.

Please.

Help me.

- I know.

- Confused. - I know.

You don't know! You're not fucking confused!

I'm getting there.

It was a long time ago.

- Oh, God, I'm pissed.

about a year ago,

geography field trip.

We went to Cornwall with some other schools.

- No.

It's really, you know, nice.

Like, quite wild.

One night, I went

Danny, from one of the other schools.

a sound bloke.

Well, apart from being an Arsenal supporter.

Sound.

We had one of those giant bottles of wine.

We got really pissed.

Sitting on some rocks,

by the sea.

We got really silly.

He said he would if I would.

So we took all our clothes off, counted to three and I jumped.

Christ, it was cold.

He never jumped.

He just stood there,

laughing.

He said I was a prat for doing it.

You were.

When I got out,

I was shivering.

Then he picked his sweatshirt up,

and as I

put it over

to dry me,

so, so gently.

Take your time.

I felt sexy.

You know, aroused.

Then he kissed me,

all over.

God.

I pushed him off

and ran.

Johnny.

We never spoke to each other for the rest of that week.

And I've never seen him since.

it was the wine,

that it was his fault.

Then the other day with you.

And now, whenever

God!

Shh.

It's all right.

I'm so scared.

Don't leave me.

Whoops.

Not to worry.

We'll try it again next time.

Can't we do

Okay.

It's doing it again.

It's a bit stiff.

-Just making breakfast.

I'm afraid we finished all the bacon yesterday.

Fine.

- Oh, they're back.

- They're down here with me. - Oh, shit!

Shit! Shit! Shit!

Mum says if you make an honest man of me she'll help you choose the curtains.

Oh, wanker. You wanker!

Hi, Mum.

I'll be home for dinner.

I'm still at Kevin's.

Oh, well, we had a bit of a row yesterday,

so I went and stayed at Dave's last night.

- But I'm back at Kevin's now.

Look, Mum, I've gotta go.

Kevin's phone.

Yeah. See ya.

Shit.

By the way, you hogged the bloody duvet again last night.

We're only lying to protect other people.

Yeah, but when Kevin called you queer the other day, you denied it!

If you really do like being�I mean,

- All right, let's tell everyone then. - No, don't you dare!

Look, I'm sorry.

I'm so scared.

I feel like everyone's watching.

I know.

Listen, if you tell anyone, it's off.

If anyone even starts to suspect, it's off.

Of course it's on.

I like you a lot.

- No contest.

You're a better kisser.

- Promise.

You sure you're not

Steve, he kissed me.

- On the ring road.

- On the cheek.

Oh, must be love, then.

What would you

Best you ever manage is a quick one with a complete stranger.

You're right.

I didn't know it could be like that.

It was like everything went in slow motion.

You know,

when two people stare into each other's eyes,

- Bollocks!

Bollocks! Bollocks! Bollocks! Bollocks!

I thought it was just going to be me and you.

I didn't know I was gonna get off with Wends. I didn't think you'd mind.

So, is Wendy gonna bring Jessica

I didn't know she was coming.

Hey, you don't think they're on

Oh, God. You should have your balls surgically removed.

Gonna need them later.

You sit next to Steven.

- Hi. - Hi.

I quite fancy a burger.

- Some poor animal's balls, then. - Uh, listen, I've gotta get back home.

- Sure.

- See you, then. - See you.

So, where

- Sure.

We can always eat afterwards.

You know, I reckon

she just wants more driving lessons.

It's funny, but I thought Linda was the one that you liked at the ball.

- No. No, it wasn't her. - Oh.

enjoyed dancing at the ball.

-That's what balls are for. -Well, more than that, I really enjoyed,

you know, talking and that with you.

Yeah. I enjoyed talking with you, too.

- I feel like I can relax with you. - You can.

- Yeah. Well, um, this is my house. - Oh.

Um, thanks for walking me home.

- Any time.

- Yeah. - Thanks.

- Let's not rush things.

Oh, bugger.

I'll catch you later. I've gotta go and see the Head.

See you later, mate.

Hi.

Look, I've already told you. Never talk to me in school.

- Never!

we've gotta be more careful.

Weekends are best. We can meet Saturday.

Great. Oh, shit.

I've got to go to a bloody wedding on Saturday.

Playing

Shh, shh, shh.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi.

I thought we might go bowling, or something.

Maybe some other time.

Ah, Steven.

- Sorry, sir. I've got the photos. - Fine.

We were just discussing where to put your article.

- Your newspaper article. - It won the competition.

- Oh, I hadn't heard. - Yeah.

They want to present the check on prize day.

�And although the decision

because of the high quality of the entries,

we felt your article to be the most professional,

showing true potential and a feel

There.

Mmm. And the 500 quid'll

I don't understand how you could have sent it in without telling me.

Well, I don't understand why you didn't.

Because it's rubbish!

But all that stuff about this town

I thought you really captured how a young person sees life.

What do you know

Look, mate, can't it

I have to speak to her now. It's important.

Ow! Yeah, well, so's her driving.

- She's got a test in two weeks.

Bloody hope not.

Still, if she is gonna drive this thing, the more practice she has, the better.

Yeah,

Hello, Steven. We haven't seen you since Tracey's christening.

Probably. Not long enough.

- Shagging Bob. - It was more than that.

than I thought it could be.

- Steve,

- Fine.

Aren't you going to

No.

I'm sick of everyone assuming you're my girlfriend.

- That's why you bloody invited me. - Well, things are different now.

Steve, you're so fucked up by all this. Just tell your parents the truth.

Yeah, why don't we get

Lins, I've got to get out of here.

- Let's go for a walk. - No, I mean out.

I want to go back to Basingstoke.

Sweetheart, no one ever wants to go back to Basingstoke.

Yeah, well, I do.

- You've got to help me.

I'll tell you if you agree to help me.

- In your dreams!

It's true! That's who I was with all last weekend.

and he loved it! He loved me!

- Is my lover.

If he was my girlfriend he could be here with me.

I've got to see him today. I don't know when he'll be free again.

- Well, let's just go. - My dad'll freak.

He says I belong here. I don't fucking belong here.

- Darling, you're cracking up. - Don't be melodramatic.

- Faint!

-Just do it!

Oh, please! Then my dad'll let me take you home!

- Hate me, detest me�just faint!

Oh, my God!

She's fainted! Linda!

- Lins!

- She's coming round.

- Hi. - Hi.

- I guess your parents are in. - Yeah.

Pity.

There is one place we can go.

It's over there.

We won't have to go through all this shit after you've left school.

It'll be great.

- Come and see you in Oxford. - Christ!

What are you thinking

Guess so.

- Yeah, maybe.

Well, it's funny.

I can't ever remember making a decision to go there.

by fate.

No. By my dad, I suppose.

- Yeah.

from rugby to cricket to tiddlywinks.

Can't blame your parents for wanting the best, though.

I'm sure I'll be the same.

Sure.

- Yeah.

Well, I mean, I suppose so.

Oh, sod it. Listen to us!

All that's centuries away.

You do want me to come

�Course I do.

It's just I've heard their rowing team have their best cox for years.

Quiet!

- I think I saw someone. - Shit!

We'd better split up.

This time you were lucky. You ran into one of us lot.

But it could have been a lot worse.

I hope you do.

Yes, I-I think he's got the point.

Thank you very much for bringing

Steven.

What were you doing

It was just a laugh. I'm sorry.

Oh, you're sorry. You're sorry.

You heard what he said. How can you

- Graham. - Well, use your imagination!

He could have been molested by some dirty old queer!

God, the thought of it makes me sick.

What on God's earth

Well, where else were we

- Oh, God. - [Door Shuts]

You don't think

- That was a long run. - Yeah, uh, I'll get a shower.

Oh, Christina called again.

- Asleep.

I don't think it's drugs, Graham.

Well, I don't know who these so-called friends of his are,

but they're no good for him.

Yeah. We have to put some stuff in from the staff.

Are you putting something new

No.

- Thanks.

So, you fancy

Uh, I'm busy lunchtime.

Steve,

- Yeah, of course I like you.

- You kissed me the other night.

And at the ball you said you had your eye on someone.

Look, Jessica,

- Oh, God. - I'm sorry. It was my fault.

How could I have been

Something I'm not allowed to say.

- Not exactly.

- I was picked up by the police.

They just gave me a lecture about

�cause it's full of disgusting people like us.

It's more difficult now. My parents weren't thrilled about last night.

Look.

That's my mobile number.

If you can escape, call.

Please.

All right. I suppose I can fit you in later on in the week.

Answer!

Uh, is it okay

Yeah, okay. Don't be too late back.

- Hello, beautiful. - You do recognize me, then.

I was talking to the car.

Hi, Johnny. Listen, I managed to sneak

Uh, tonight's not convenient. I'm busy.

Hang on a minute. You're breaking up.

Wh-What's so important

I'm training.

- I don't know. I've gotta go.

John. Johnny.

Sorry. We won't be disturbed again.

I'll see you soon.

- Ring me when you get back. - See ya.

- Steve! Steve, wait! -Just get out of my life.

- You lied to me.

- You lied to me! - Steve!

Steve, I-I haven't even spoken to Christina since the ball.

Honestly.

If I see her from time to time, then no

- Oh, so you're just using her.

If she means nothing to you why didn't

It can't work, John. I can't stand it.

Okay.

I wanted to see Christina tonight.

Great. So now I know.

You don't know!

You don't know

-John.

myself.

all I felt was that I was

holding her, kissing her,

hoping we'd drive past

so they can see me with the most beautiful girl in town.

And she is.

I like her.

I really like her.

Steven, I love you.

Well, if will make you feel better, I won't see Christina anymore.

Oh, Johnny,

don't you see

I want to make you feel good about yourself. I want you to be proud of us.

But you're not!

You're ashamed to be seen with me. You don't want people to know we're friends!

God, when other people are around, you don't even want to talk to me!

- I will. - Liar.

I will! J-Just one more chance. I'll prove I love you.

Please.

You need a shave.

I shaved last month.

Blimey.

- Thought you had a driving lesson. - I have.

Hello.

You've just got to give him time.

He'll come round.

He's probably scared of commitment and stuff.

He's a bastard.

A married bastard.

A married bastard with kids.

God, Lins. I'm so sorry.

Don't feel sorry for me.

You don't mind

Hop in.

- It's at half past 5:00 tonight. - I don't think I can make it.

Hi, Steve.

Hi.

Got some good news. I'll meet you at the top gates at lunchtime.

Fuck me.

- Sorry, sir. Listen to this.

��Get Real. Anonymous. I am a pupil

Bloody hell!

��Someone once wrote

is so often the life that one does not lead.

I wish I could lead my real life.

I am writing this article because I'm angry,

and because I want to impress

that your assumption that

Aren't there

- Let me see this. - We can't print this.

give people something to talk about.

Yeah, and it's a lot more interesting than ��Walking in the Cotswolds��,

or whatever it could replace.

- No. No, I didn't.

Someone in this room did. We're the only ones with the password.

I did. It was handed in anonymously,

and thought-provoking.

It certainly is.

Look, I'll read it, but I'll have to talk to the Head about this.

- Sure.

- Yeah, right.

You could've.

Yeah, I know.

I wanted to, especially

But I was protecting someone else.

He's a lucky guy, whoever he is.

So am I.

Hang on. You said it was someone at the ball.

So he's at this school.

Oh, wow.

Tell me. Go on. I won't tell a soul, I promise.

- It's not Mark.

Yeah, well, I was right about one thing: You are different from other blokes.

- Shit! Bloody fascist.

Alcock won't let us print that gay article.

Something about this sort of thing having no place in a decent school.

He's such a bloody fascist!

strikes again.

Well, that's it. There's nothing we can do.

There is.

We can print an empty page with the word

We owe that much to the poor bugger

Oh, I'm sure the poor bugger will be delighted.

Uh, no. I'll catch you later.

- Guess what. - You're pregnant.

No. My parents are going away for

Ooh, I'll have to think about it.

Fuck! You bastard! You bastard!

And it's the magnificent Dixon out in front by a mile!

- Dixon wins again! - We'll see about that.

- Hi. - Hi.

Oh!

Hi, boss.

Oh, hi, Kev.

Um,

I was just going jogging, thought you might want to come.

Sorry, mate. Carter and me are having a swim. Join us if you like.

Oh, no. I'll finish me run.

- Catch ya later. - All right, mate.

- I can't believe you asked him in. - It's all right. He can't swim!

To us.

Do you think I could persuade my parents

What do you want to move

No, pillock. I'd stay here.

You could come and live with me.

I don't think I could do that, Johnny.

The wallpaper in the sitting room really clashes with the carpet.

Come here.

You've hardly said a word all weekend.

Sorry.

You're the one who says I'm too hard on him.

If he's made a mate of this John what's-his-name,

I'm all for it.

- He's going to Oxford, you know. - So he said.

- I'm back. - Hello.

- Yeah, we had a wicked time.

Good.

- You were fantastic! - Steve.

I tried to find you before the race.

The whole school's talking about that censored page in the magazine.

Oh, that.

People are saying it was about being gay.

- I thought it might have been you.

I can't believe you've done this.

People know we're mates now. Does

- I think Jessica might have guessed. - Oh, shit!

Just to confirm the winner of the senior boys, 100 metres,

it was John Dixon.

I guess we should sell some more magazines.

You know what I mean.

-John-fucking-Superman Dixon.

- Hi, Steve. - Uh, hi.

- This is my mum and dad. Jess. - Hello, Jess.

-Hello.

- Oh, yes, please. - Steve's winning masterpiece is in it.

- There you are. A pound. - Thank you. All right.

I better go see if I can sell some more of these.

Okay.

I'll be back in a minute.

-Jess, please! - So that's why he dumped Christina.

-Jess, please. You'll ruin everything. - I'm not gonna say anything.

I promise. But you have to be more discreet.

People aren't stupid.

The final event of the day,

the senior four by 100 metre relay, will begin in five minutes.

- Oh, John. - Hi, Dad.

-Just a quick word. - Yeah, sure.

they're fantastic.

I'd really like some prints.

No! I mean, I don't know. I don't know him.

Well, you must know him if he took these photos.

- I can't remember. It was ages ago. - Raymond, I found him.

- Steven, this is John's father. - Pleased to meet you.

Steven's been saying lovely things about the house.

- He stayed the weekend with John.

-Ah, there you are, Steven. - Hello. We thought we'd lost you.

-Sorry. -I'd better go. I've got a race to run.

- Uh, John, this is my mum and dad. -John.

Uh, this is Mr. and Mrs. Dixon.

- Well, we're not exactly mates. - But you came to our house.

Uh, yeah, just to give John a book he'd lent me.

But you said you were with John all weekend.

- On your marks!

- Hang on. They're starting. - Set!

Shit.

- He said he'd meet us here.

Maybe she's not happy about our son using her son as an alibi.

- Steven's hiding something.

Graham, can we go and sit

�Cause I've got something to tell you.

I was so fucking embarrassed.

Why did you tell your parents

Because I thought we were going to be honest about being friends.

Don't worry.

If anything, they've all decided I'm the one who's lying.

And why did you write

If Jessica's guessed then everyone'll know soon.

Johnny, we can get round this.

No, not if it means everyone finding out.

He's our son, Graham. He needs our support.

- Oh, sorry. No.

Can't let him be late for his award.

- Maybe he's inside. - Yeah.

Uh, you must be very proud of him.

I'm going to go and watch our son get an award.

- I'm not your mate.

It doesn't matter.

We'll be late for the awards.

Johnny, your bag.

Bastard.

Fucking bastard.

I love you, you bastard.

Why are you

- Probably getting a cheap thrill.

You really are queer.

Well, Johnny's our mate,

Say it: Johnny's not queer. Say it!

-This little queer ripped up your shirt.

He's in love with you.

Wait outside.

- Shut it!

Bloody hell.

Shit!

You queer bastard!

For continuous sporting achievement throughout the year,

this cup goes to John Dixon!

Um, thanks.

Thank you very much.

Now, a special moment.

Some of you will already know that one of our pupils, Steven Carter,

has won The Basingstoke Recorder Young Journalist Competition.

We're delighted to welcome Roger McGregor, editor of The Recorder,

to give the prize.

- I don't know.

Ladies and gentlemen, a young man we're all very proud to have at this school,

Steven Carter.

Um, Steven doesn't appear to be here yet.

So, perhaps I could ask Mr. McGregor to tell us a bit about the competition.

Ah, the wanderer returns.

Ladies and gentlemen, Steven Carter.

won for the school.

I feel a bit of a fraud.

growing up as I imagined it must be for most of you,

but there was another article

included in the school magazine, but it was, um,

censored because it was about

gay.

I-I wrote that article.

I wish you could have read it so you could understand.

This is so difficult.

I'm sick of feeling totally alone.

I want to have friends who-who-who like me for who I am.

I want to be part of a family

not someone I pretend to be to keep their love.

I'm sick of hiding,

scared.

There must be more of you

frightened to speak out.

Yeah, well,

thanks for proving my point.

I'm-I'm gay.

Sorry, Mum,

Dad,

but you can bet your life you're not the only parents out there with a gay son.

It's only love.

What's everyone

Thanks for listening.

I didn't know you were such a drama queen.

Ow. I still can't believe I did it.

- My mum says she's known for a while. -John must be shitting himself.

I saw him running off towards the sports field white as a sheet.

Weren't you listening

you don't know what you might catch.

I'll tell you what else he is.

He's my son, and I'm very proud of him.

And if you do anything to hurt him,

I'll have your bollocks for earrings.

Steve, I've got a bit of a surprise for you.

It's not quite as big a deal as you

- but it's a surprise anyway. - Tell me later.

- He's waiting in the car.

You stay here with your mates.

He'll be fine.

- I know, love.

I love you too.

Mum, you're embarrassing me.

Don't be too late.

Yeah.

God, no one followed you,

No.

We've had more romantic moments.

Strange thing is,

done that to you,

all I could

to make it all right.

that I'd never loved anyone so much.

Johnny, you do realize

Be happy.

I don't believe it! I thought you said

Shut your face.