Original subtitles

[DRUM ROLL]

[FANFARE]

["WEDDING MARCH" SONG PLAYING]

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

- [MUSIC STOPS] - Idiot. Hell, no, I won't marry you. Gosh!

What would you do if you were in a situation like this?

Gosh! Gosh! Gosh!

Gosh!

[GASPS, SCREAMING]

[CLOCK ALARM BLARING]

[BANG, ALARM OFF]

[THINKING] Dear diary, I had that nightmare again.

I fear I'll never get married.

Maybe I am destined to be a sad old spinster...

whose only companionship comes from an absurd amount of cats.

[MEOWING]

[YOWLING]

[YOWLING]

No, that won't be me.

- I believe in true love. - [YOWLING]

My night in shining armor is out there somewhere,

and I'm gonna find him.

♪ My milkshake brings ♪

- ♪ All the boys to the yard ♪ - [YELLING]

♪ And they're, like it's better than yours ♪

♪ Damn right It's better than yours ♪

♪ I could teach you but I have to charge ♪

♪ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard ♪

♪ And they're, like it's better than yours ♪

- ♪ Damn right It's better than yours ♪ - [SLOSHING]

♪ I could teach you but I'd have to charge ♪

♪ I know you want it ♪

♪The thing that makes me ♪

♪ What the guys go crazy for ♪

♪ They lose their minds the way I wind ♪

♪ I think it's time La-la, la-la, la ♪

♪ Warm it up La-la, la-la, la ♪

♪ The boys are waiting ♪

♪ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard ♪

♪ And they're, like it's better than yours ♪

♪ I could teach you but I have to charge ♪

♪ I can see you're on it You want me to teach the ♪

♪ Techniques that freaks ♪

- ♪ These boys ♪ - [FIRES]

♪ It can't be bought ♪

- ♪ Just know thieves get caught ♪ - ♪ Watch if you're smart ♪

♪ La-la, la-la, la ♪

♪ Warm it up La-la, la-la, la ♪

♪ The boys are waiting La-la, la-la, la ♪

- [SLOSHING] - ♪ Warm it up ♪

- ♪ La-la, la-la, la ♪ - [SLOSHING CONTINUES]

♪ The boys are waiting ♪

♪ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard ♪

♪ And they're, like it's better than yours ♪

- [SCREAMS] - ♪ I could teach you but I have to charge

♪I kw you want it ♪

- [TIRES SCREECHING] - ♪ The thing that makes me ♪

♪ What the guys go crazy for ♪

- [THUDDING] - ♪ They lose their minds ♪

♪ The way I wind I think it's time ♪

♪ La-la, la-la, la Warm it up ♪

♪ La-la, la-la, la ♪

♪ The boys are waiting La-la, la-la, la Warm it up ♪

♪ La-la, la-la, la The boys are waiting ♪

♪ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard ♪

♪ And they're, like it's better than yours, damn right ♪

♪ It's better than yours I could teach you but I have to charge ♪

♪ My milkshake brings ♪

- ♪ All the boys to the yard ♪ - Ooh. Mmm.

♪ And they're, like it's better than yours ♪

- ♪ Damn right It's better than yours ♪ - -[ALL YELLING]

♪ I could teach you but I have to charge ♪

♪ I can see you're on it You want me to teach the ♪

- ♪ Techniques that freaks these boys ♪ - Oh, shit.

- [YELLS] - ♪ It can't be bought ♪

Ow.

[GOAT BLEATING]

- ALL: Opah! - Hi, Dad.

FRANK: Look here, Julia. When you gonna find a man and get married?

You lookin' old, fat and saggy.

And that mole on your forearm, it's growing a mole.

Let's put some hummus on it. It cures everything.

Baby, you gotta find a man.

In our race to protect our Greek heritage...

Yes, yes, yes. And my heritage too.

Let us not forget you are also one-half Indian.

- Your mother's right. - Big sister, we also Japanese.

- And Jewish. - So you're telling me...

I have to marry a guy who's a Greek, Indian, Japanese, Jew?

Baby, you're actin' like that's hard to find. I mean, look around.

They everywhere.

Nicky. Nicky! You're Greek, right?

Yeah. And Indian, and Japanese, and a Jew.

Huh? You wanna go out with my daughter?

Nah. I don't like redheads. Sorry.

[SQUEALING]

Dad, I know I'm no beauty, but I'm not gonna settle.

I respect our heritage, but I believe love is blind.

Somewhere out there is my true love.

FRANK: No! Back to work.

JULIA: Coffee?

- More coffee? - Excellent.

Jolly good. I quite fancy some...

more coffee, actually.

[BELL DINGS]

FRANK: Pick up.

[BELL DINGS]

- Pick up! Pick up! - JULIA: Okay.

- Pick up! - I'm coming.

[RAP MUSIC PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]

- ♪ Yo, yo ♪ - ♪ What up? ♪

- ♪ Yo, yo ♪ - ♪ What up? ♪

- ♪ Yo, yo ♪ - ♪ Let's go ♪

♪ Yo, yo, yo ♪

- ♪ Yo, yo, yo ♪ - ♪ What up? ♪

- ♪ Yo, yo ♪ - ♪ What up? ♪

♪ Yo, yo ♪

- ♪ Let's go ♪ - ♪ Yo, yo, yo ♪

♪ I step up in the place with that look on my face Aw, shit ♪

♪ With this hand I'm ready to rip ♪

- [WARBLED, STOPS] - Oh, hell, no!

- You're Hitch? - You got a problem with that?

Please, I'm desperate.

Even I can't help you, and I found Star Jones a husband.

Aw, shit. Come on in.

Thanks for seeing me. I heard you're the best.

You're goddamn right I'm the best.

Look at all the couples I'm responsible for.

You got Brad and Jen,

Jessica and Nick, Ben and Gwyn,

Ben and Jen, Ben and Jen,

Ben and Matt, Whitney and Bobby,

Kobe and Shaq, Ellen and Anne.

Yeah, I do them too.

Well, there's this guy at the diner where I work.

- We had this... moment. - What happened?

I turned around, and he was gone.

He probably got a good look at your mug and ran.

Why don't we broaden the search from that one guy to just any nigga?

- Okay. - Eight out of ten guys believe...

the first kiss will tell them everything they need to know about a relationship.

So before we get started, let's see what you got.

♪ We got it together didn't we ♪

Ooh, stinky. You got the dragon. [DISGUSTED GROAN]

♪ I mean, really, when you really sit and think about it ♪

♪ Isn't it really, really nice ♪

You got a little somethin' in there.

♪ I can easily feel myself slipping in more and more ways ♪

[SQUEAKING]

♪ In that simple world of my own ♪

A whole wing?

Extra crispy? Goddamn!

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

♪ We got it together, baby ♪

- ♪ Ah, my first, my last ♪ - [MUFFLED GRUNTING]

♪ My everything ♪

HITCH: Good gracious!

♪ And the answer to ♪

[HITCH GROANS]

- ♪ All my... ♪ - [MUSIC STOPS]

Off of me, trick! What, are you hungry? [DISGUSTED GROAN]

[GROANING]

- [SIGHS] - I'm hopeless.

I'm never gonna meet my Prince Charming.

I got it!

A reality dating show?

Says here you can meet the man of your dreams.

It also says you have to be beautiful.

Well, you're beautiful-ish.

Oh, come on, Hitch.

The only way I could get on that show is if you

magically turn me into a princess.

- Let's roll. - [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

[TOOLS WHIRRING]

- [MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING] - Yo, fellas!

♪ What ♪

Time to pimp her out.

♪ Let's go ♪

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

- [TOOL WHIRRING] - [GASPS]

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Let's go Break it down ♪

- [SCREAMING] - [MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

[LAUGHING]

- [DISGUSTED GROAN] - Mm-mm-mm.

♪ Every other city we go we always pull a couple of pretty hos ♪

♪ We sit 'em back in a room and get it on ♪

♪ Once we done get your clothes, get gone ♪

♪ Let me see you get freaky, baby ♪

♪ Let me see you get nasty, mommy Let me see you ♪

♪ Act like an animal straight out the cage, baby ♪

[SCREAMS]

♪ What I do is unheard of with these women ♪

♪ I'm O.J. I get away with murder I'm a hit ♪

- ♪ Till it's out of order ♪ - Oh.

- ♪ Okay ♪ - ♪ Now step to the right ♪

♪ Now step to the left Now hold on one second, baby ♪

- ♪ Let me catch my breath ♪ - ♪ Come on ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

- ♪ Let's go Let's go ♪ - Hey! Hey!

- ♪ Break it down ♪ - [ENGINES REVVING]

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

Yeah!

♪ What ♪

- ♪ Let's go ♪ - ["STAR WARS" MUSIC OVERLAPS]

- [BREATHING THROUGH APPARATUS] - ["STAR WARS" MUSIC STOPS]

- [CRASH] - ♪ Let me make that thing bang ♪

♪ I'm gonna make that thing shake ♪

- ♪ I'm gonna make that thing shake ♪ - [SLOSHING]

♪ Let me make that thing bang ♪

♪ At the same time I want you to teach me ♪

♪ A little something, baby ♪

- ♪ To blow my mind ♪ - [GRUNTING]

♪ You know what I mean It won't be long till we smack ♪

♪ You know me, baby I'm freaky ♪

- ♪ Baby, I'm freaky ♪ - ♪ Ah, freaky ♪

- ♪ Baby, I'm freaky ♪ - ♪ Ah, freaky ♪

- ♪ Baby, I'm freaky... ♪ - ♪ Ah, freaky... ♪

Whoa! You're officially pimped out.

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

All right, girl. Now you're good to go.

♪ Let's go ♪

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Ladies, good evening, and welcome to...

The Extreme Bachelor, Desperate Edition.

By the end of tonight's episode, one of you lucky ladies...

will be chosen by the bachelor to go on a dream date.

- [ALL GASPING, GIGGLING] - So let's meet him.

He's a doctor who gets a lot of tail.

Ladies, may I introduce, the bachelor.

- [ROOSTER CROWING] - [WOMEN GIGGLING]

- GRANT: Hi. Lovely to meet you. - Hi.

Hello. I'm Grant.

- Hi. - Hi.

- I'm Grant. - WOMAN 1: Hi, Grant.

GRANT: Nice to meet you.

- I'm Julia. - Pleasure.

Now, Grant, the elimination round.

Essentially nixing the girls you don't want to bang.

Who's going to be eliminated?

- ["PRICE IS RIGHT" THEME PLAYING] - [SCREAMS]

- [WOMEN SCREAMING] - [SHOTS FIRING]

[GIGGLING]

[SCREAMS]

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

Nice aim, Grant. Good eye.

- Julia, will you accept this rose? - Yes.

[BONES SNAP]

Guys, congratulations.

You have won a dinner for two at A Restaurant.

A Restaurant!

[LAUGHING]

[SQUEALS] Thanks!

Oh, yeah, that's it!

Oh, God!

[GASPING]

Oh, yeah!

Yeah! Yeah.

Yes! Yes!

Yes!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yes! Oh, yeah!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

[BABBLING]

Yes! Yes! Y-Yes!

[GRUNTS, BREATHING HEAVILY]

Oh, God. Whoo! God.

So you're saying you do want the pork chops?

- Yes, please. - Okay.

- Okay. - I'll have what he's having.

So, tell me about you.

Oh, I'm just a waitress.

But I... I want to go to school to be a pastry chef.

Oh, hi. My name is Julia Jones.

And for my admissions essay, I'm gonna show all of you at Harvard...

why I would make an amazing pastry chef.

[LAUGHING]

What a coincidence.

I love pie. I've got to take you downtown for the best...

- Hummus pie? - You've been there?

That's actually my recipe.

But... But tell me more about you.

Like, what's your favorite love song?

[LAUGHS]

- It's kind of corny. - Oh, come on.

♪ I'll take you to the candy shop ♪

♪ I'll let you lick the lollipop ♪

♪ Go ahead, girl and don't you stop ♪

♪ Keep goin' till you hit the spot ♪

TOGETHER: ♪ Whoa ♪

You're that waitress.

You've changed.

Well, I... I was... I was sort of goin' through... through a phase.

I was downright ugly.

I don't remember you ever being ugly.

But I remember you.

I can't explain it, but...

when I'm with you, I just feel so alive.

- Me too. - I just wanna scream and shout and...

- Bum fight? - Huh?

[GROANS]

- Uh, Julia? - [BLOWS LANDING]

- ♪ Do you believe in magic ♪ - [GRUNTING]

- ♪ In a young girl's heart ♪ - Come on!

♪ How the music can free her whenever it starts ♪

- ♪ And it's magic ♪ - [GRUNTING]

♪ If the music is groovy ♪

♪ It makes you feel happy like an old-time movie ♪

♪ I'll tell you about the magic and it'll free your soul ♪

♪ But it's like tryin' to tell a stranger about-a rock and roll ♪

♪ If you believe in magic Don't bother to choose ♪

♪ If it's jug band music or rhythm and blues ♪

♪ Just go and listen It'll start with a smile ♪

♪ That won't wipe off your face no matter how hard you try ♪

♪ Your feet start tappin' and you can't seem to find ♪

♪ How you got there so just blow your mind ♪

GRANT: Yes! Yes!

Yes!

Oh, yeah!

[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]

- That was... amazing. - WOMAN 2: It sure was.

- [GASPS] - [MOANING]

She faked it, Grant.

But I didn't.

[MEOW]

[MEOW]

[PURRING]

[SIGHS]

[GASPS]

Oh, no, no, no, no,

no, no,

no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no!

No! No!

Ooh.

Hoo. It's tingly.

JULIA: Grant, how would you feel about meeting my parents?

- So, Grant, ever knock anyone up? - Mom!

Well, I want many grandkids, and how do I know if he's shooting blanks or not?

Bathroom's down the hall.

Just leave the sample on the counter.

Oh, sorry.

[FARTING]

- That's Jinxers. - [FARTING CONTINUES]

- [STRAINING] - [WATER SPLASHING]

Taught him how to do that. [CHUCKLES]

[LOUD FARTING, YOWLING]

[YOWLING, FARTING CONTINUES]

- [GRUNTING] - [TURDS SPLASHING]

[YOWLS, FARTING CONTINUES]

- [LOUD SPLASH] - [JINXERS SIGHS]

[WHINES]

Julia told me your last name.

- How do you pronounce it? - Just how it's spelled.

F-U-N-K-Y-E-R-D-O-D-E-R.

- Funkyerdoder? - Mmm.

- Mm-hmm. - [MEOWING]

- [SNEEZES] - Allergic to cats?

Uh, no, no. I-I-I love cats.

In fact, growing up on a farm, I once milked a cat.

I got nipples, Grant. Can you milk me?

May I say that's an exquisite vase. Ancient artifact, I presume.

That's actually an urn containing the remains of Frank's mother.

- [KNUCKLES CRACKING] - GRANT: Well, I'm sure your mother

would want to celebrate that Julia finally applied to pastry school.

- What? School? - Don't you want me to better myself?

No! I want you to work at the diner until you die.

Grant was just kidding. Right, Grant?

- [ALL GASPING] - No!

LINDA: No, no, no, no, no!

- [SCREAMS] - [ALL GASP]

- Mama! - [MEOWS]

- GRANT: Mama! - JULIA: Grandma!

- [GASPING] - Jinxers. Jinxers, no.

- [PURRING] - Oh! Grandma Jones! Oh, God!

- No! Jinxers, stop it! - Hey!

JULIA: Jinxers! Jinxers, no!

LINDA: Oh, no, no, Jinxers! No!

- JULIA: Jinxers, no! No! - FRANK: Mama!

- Oh! - Get off my mama! Stop humpin'!

LINDA: Bad kitty! Please!

- Jinxers, no! - Oh!

- I didn't teach him how to do that. - JULIA: Jinxers, bad cat! Oh!

- [MEOW] - Jinxers, no!

- [MEOWS] - FRANK: Mama!

- That was a disaster. - It wasn't that bad.

You desecrated my grandmother's remains, and my father hates you.

Why didn't you tell your parents about pastry school?

- [SQUEALS] - I'm working my way up to it.

- I'm just waiting for the right time. - Julia, you're a grown woman.

If you haven't noticed, my family is totally controlling.

- Whoo! - They meddle in every aspect of my life.

Not to mention, no one in our family...

- has ever dated outside of our culture. - He reminds me of Webster.

I just don't see how this could work between us.

Look, so your family's difficult. Whose isn't?

Until I met you, my life was boring.

- Oww! - But you, you're smart...

and interesting and beautiful.

I just want to be with you.

Did you say I was beautiful?

- Come with me. - Ooh-hoo!

It's just a little Jesus juice! Whoo!

Where are you taking me?

- What are we... - You'll see.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Julia Jones, will you marry me?

Yes, Grant Funkyerdoder, I will marry you.

How much will you give me for this?

No. No!

- Fifty bucks. - Shit. That's it?

But it will destroy all evil!

Oh, screw off, wizard!

- [YELLS] - [GRUNTING]

- [LAUGHING] - My precious!

[GROANS]

[HONKING IN "DIXIE" TUNE]

Before you set the wedding date, I wanted to meet your parents,

because, frankly, I don't know much about you.

I understand, homeboy.

I'll be watching you.

If you do anything to corrupt my daughter...

You'll bring me down to Chinatown?

Chinatown? I'll take your bitch ass to 134th Street,

bust you in the head with a pipe.

[WHISTLING]

Hi, Little Jack.

How come you have Betty's baby?

She's at a swingers convention this weekend,

so we said we'd take care of him.

- Oh, how nice. - And Betty's such a good mother.

She's teaching Little Jack sign language.

Oh, I heard about this. Real cutting-edge stuff.

[READING] "What happens when the ho doesn't give up all the cash?"

That's right, Little Jack. "Keep your pimp hand strong."

- Beotch. - [GASPS] His first word!

- Little Jack, what did you say? - "Beotch."

[BOTH GASP]

[JUNGLE MUSIC PLAYING]

Is that your dad?

[EXHALES]

- Uh-huh. - Figures.

[GRUNTING]

Ha!

BERNIE: Grant! Ha! My boy!

- [LAUGHING] - Good to see ya.

This is my fiancee Julia, and her parents, Linda and Frank.

Bernie Funkyerdoder. Pleased to meet all of ya.

Frank, give me some sugar. Put her there! [LAUGHING]

- All right, all right. - And this must be your little girl.

- No, that's my wife. - Wife? So young, so pretty.

And you must be Julia. What a beautiful moment this is.

So beautiful. Just beautiful.

- Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! - Oh!

- Dad. Dad. - Mmm! Mmm! [KISSING]

- What? We're all family now. - GRANT: I'll just go get the luggage.

So what was that you were doin' back there?

Oh, I was just practicing capoeira.

- Capo-what? - Capoeira,

the Brazilian martial art of dance fighting.

- JACK: Beotch. - I've been doing it for weeks. [YELLING]

- It keeps me level. - [YELLS]

- [GASPS] - [GRUNTS] Ah!

Come on. Let's go meet Roz.

- [ALL GROANING] - Roz!

You're gonna love her. Everybody, this is Roz.

[YELLS, LAUGHS]

Oh! I've been kvelling to meet...

this meshuggener goyim shiksa all day!

Oh! [LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING CONTINUES]

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

So, Grant tells me you're a doctor.

Uh, I'm a sex therapist.

I specialize in teenage impotency.

- Who's thirsty? - Mom, no.

Oh, Grantulla's just embarrassed because

he lost his virginity to the housekeeper.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

- Hey, Eduardo. - [SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

[WOMAN SINGING IN SPANISH]

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

BERNIE: Thanks, Eduardo.

Ah!

So, is it Harry?

- Is what hairy? - Your name.

- No, no, it's Bernie. - Oh, no, but it is hairy.

What are you talking about?

I mean, picture this with four pounds of hair.

- Oh, stop. - So, when's the big date?

Well, we wanted a long engagement,

so we're getting married this Sunday.

Oh, hell, no. I'm not paying for that wedding.

Aw, don't have a conniption, bubbellah. We'll pay for it.

Of course! What? I got a great wedding planner.

You'll meet her tomorrow morning. Let's have a toast.

- To great big matzo balls! Le'Chaim! - FRANK: Le'Chaim.

I... I couldn't be happier.

Thanks, Dad.

Because Nicky has agreed to marry you.

- [NICKY GRUNTS] - [CLANG]

[GROANING]

- Nicky. - Yeah. Good job.

Lookin' good. Nice.

- Dad? - Hmm?

My whole life, I've had this dream...

that a prince would someday come and rescue me.

Grant is that guy.

He's my prince, and he's the one I'm gonna marry.

No, you'll never marry Grant.

I don't trust him. You'll marry Nicky.

You know, thinking about the honeymoon makes me, like, really horny.

Like, a lot.

[CHUCKLES]

- Wow. You seem tense. - [CHUCKLES]

When was the last time you and Frank were intimate?

It's been a while.

[MAN YODELING]

Whoo! It sure has.

- [EXHALES] - Is that all you got?

[CHUCKLING] Hold on.

- How do you think it's going? - I think it's going really well.

- You do? - Yeah. Everyone's getting along famously.

Even our dads are hitting it off.

- You might want to put your shirt back on. - Nah.

[SCRAPING]

[GROANING]

[SLOSHING]

[GROANING CONTINUES]

- [GAGGING, BELCHING] - Oh, man.

[BELCHES]

- [CHUCKLING] - The wedding planner will see you now.

I'm Jell-O. Please, have a seat.

WOMAN 3 [SONG PLAYING]: ♪ I just need your love, love ♪

Now, I'm here to plan your dream wedding.

So, tell me what you want.

Well, uh, we want a traditional wedding.

Something simple, yet elegant.

Yo, I know exactly the place.

Muy romantico.

Think outside my buns.

It's... not quite what we had in mind.

That's the best I can do on short notice.

You got to book the caterer, pick a pinata, choose your best man.

Oh, I've already taken care of that.

- My best mate Andy flew in this morning. - Andy?

Yeah, we'll meet up at the hotel later.

I think you two will hit it off tremendously.

I can't wait.

And I can't wait till you see who I booked for the entertainment.

♪ Too much booty in the pants Dance, too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Yo, fellas, let me hear you say "yeah" ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

- ♪ If you like a big booty say yeah ♪ - ♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Booty, booty, booty rockin' everywhere ♪

[WHIMPERING]

♪ Boom-shaka-laka Boom-shaka-laka-boom ♪

BOTH: No!

So, where is this best man of yours?

- Andy! - ["DON'T CHA" PLAYING]

MAN 1: ♪ Okay, okay, okay Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, we about to get it just a little hot and sweaty in this ♪

- WOMAN 3: ♪ Ooh, baby ♪ - MAN 1: ♪ Ladies, let's go ♪

- [SONG CONTINUES] - Andy's not a guy?

A guy? Heavens, no.

MAN 1: ♪ Listen ♪

WOMAN 3: ♪ Don't cha wish your girlfriend ♪

♪ Was hot like me ♪

♪ Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me ♪

♪ Don't cha ♪

♪ Don't cha ♪

♪ Don't cha wish your girlfriend ♪

It's great we've remained so close, even after the engagement fell through.

♪ Was fun like me... ♪

You two were engaged?

♪ Don't cha I know you like me... ♪

Ages ago.

♪ I know you do... ♪

It was more physical than anything, really.

♪ That's why whenever I come around she's all over you ♪

GRANT: Just constant sex.

♪ And I know you want it ♪

♪ I know you want it ♪

Sex.

♪ It's easy to see... ♪

Sex.

- ♪ And in the back of your mind ♪ - Sex, sex, sex,

- ♪ I know you should be on with me ♪ - Sex, sex, sex,

sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.

♪ Hmm... ♪

♪ Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me... ♪

S-So, you realized it... it just wasn't right?

Well, she realized it wasn't right.

She dumped me. Just wasn't ready to settle down.

♪ Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me ♪

- ♪ Raw ♪ - ♪ Don't cha wish your girlfriend ♪

♪ Was fun like me ♪

♪ Don't cha ♪

MAN 1: ♪ Okay, I see how it's goin' down ♪

WOMAN 3: ♪ Don't cha ♪

MAN 1: ♪ Seein' like shorty want a little menage to pop off or somethin' ♪

WOMAN 3: ♪ Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me ♪

♪ Don't cha wish your girlfriend was... ♪

Why is she in slow motion?

- She likes to make an entrance. [LAUGHING] - ANDY: Grant!

♪ All right, sing Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me... ♪

- Oh! - [BOTH LAUGHING]

- This is Julia. - Mmm!

[LAUGHING CONTINUES]

Oh, I have heard so much about you.

Now, Grant told me how attractive you were,

but he never mentioned you were flat-chested.

How cute. [CHUCKLES]

Excuse me while I get out of these wet clothes.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

- So, how did you two meet? - We were in Beverly Hills.

["PRETTY WOMAN" PLAYING]

♪ Pretty woman walkin' down the street ♪

♪ Pretty woman The kind I'd like to meet ♪

♪ Pretty woman ♪

♪ I don't believe you You're not the truth ♪

♪ No one could look as good as you ♪

♪ Mercy ♪

♪ Pretty woman ♪

I'll give you a hundred dollars for the week.

- Sounds quite reasonable. - JULIA: Okay, this is just too weird.

Can we dissolve back now?

And so, eventually, you got engaged,

and then you broke up ages ago.

Sure, if you call three weeks ages ago.

You were engaged to her three weeks ago?

Honestly, Julia, you have nothing to be jealous about.

Just because I see Grant with another woman doesn't mean I want him back.

[RIPPING, TEARING]

- [SCREAMING] - [SCREAMING]

- [GROWLING] - [BOTH SCREAMING]

Finger sandwich?

Okay, I'll go first.

Let me say we don't really need to be here.

- See, we've been dating for five days... - Six.

Five, six days, and this is like a checkup for us.

There's this huge space between us,

and it keeps getting bigger and bigger.

MAN 2: How honest are you with him?

Pretty honest.

I mean, it's not like I lie to him or anything.

I just, uh...

I mean, I-I have little secrets.

Everyone has secrets.

[WHISPERING] I have hepatitis "C."

MAN 2: How does that make you feel?

I'm not sure, really.

Let me clarify. I love Julia.

I...

want her to be happy.

I want good things for her.

But there are times...

[SPITS, IMITATES NECK SNAPPING]

You know, when she's sleeping, just take a pillow and...

[EXHALES]

JULIA: Thanks for helping me pick out my dress.

To be honest, I was surprised you called.

Well, you're a part of Grant's life,

and that means you're a part of my life too.

You look like a princess.

You don't think it's a bit too much?

Oh, not at all.

I'll go get some pins to fit it.

Uh-oh.

[GRUNTING]

[MOANING]

[THINKING] Why do you insist on dressing me in these fruity outfits?

I'm gonna take this lollipop and shove it up your ass.

[GASPS]

[THINKING] I can hear everyone's thoughts.

[THINKING] I love Puerto Rican men. They're spicy.

It's like I'm trapped in a bad Mel Gibson movie.

[THINKING] What the hell was I thinkin'?

He's a freakin' backup dancer.

[THINKING] Dude, I married Britney Spears!

[GRUNTS]

I'm rich! I'm rich, beotch! [LAUGHING]

- Rich! - Is the bride-to-be ready?

[THINKING] Bride-to-be? Shit. Not if I can help it.

I've got 24 hours to break up this wedding.

- No. - Yes!

[CHUCKLES] I'll turn Grant against you and make him love me again.

Me, me, me!

- Stay away from me! - Oh!

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIREN BLARING]

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOG]

[INTENSE MUSIC CONTINUES]

[SIREN BLARING]

[INTENSE MUSIC CONTINUES]

[SIREN BLARING]

[INTENSE MUSIC CONTINUES]

[PHONE RINGING]

[SIREN BLARING]

[MUSIC STOPS]

- What is it now? - Grant's got an ex-fiancee.

And she has a thing for him. I just know it.

And they have this long, romantic history.

How can I measure up to that?

You can't. She's fine as hell.

I would tear that shit up!

You know, everything was going so well until she turns up.

Look, he's not with Andy anymore. He's with you.

You gotta put aside your insecurities. It'll all work out.

- Do you really believe that? - No, but my white customers do.

Wow.

- [SIGHS] - Look, I believe in you and Grant.

And before you know it, you'll be walking down the aisle.

Oh, and saying our vows.

And our first dance!

♪ Startin' the fire startin' the fire startin' the fire ♪

♪ Q-tip, Q-tip, Q-tip ♪

♪ Throw it away Throw it away ♪

You call that dancin'?

No.

- [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING] - You see this? This is where you live.

Right here. This is your home. Huh?

Well, how about this?

♪ You're a monster You're a monster ♪

♪ Krump, clown, break it on down Krump, clown break it on down ♪

- That bitch be krumpin'! - [MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

♪ Krump, clown break it on down ♪

♪ Krump, clown break it on down ♪

♪ Krump, clown break it on down ♪

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

♪ Krump, krump, krump, krump Krump, krump, krump ♪

♪ Krump, krump, krump Krump, krump, krump, krump ♪

It's okay. It's okay. She's never gonna break us up.

Grant and I just have to get through the rehearsal dinner,

and then tomorrow's the big day.

Once we're married, everything will be perfect.

- [GASPING] - Who are you kidding?

- [GASPING CONTINUES] - Grant's never gonna marry you.

You're not good enough. He's meant to be with Andy.

- Don't say that! - This is who you really are.

- [DISGUSTED GROAN] - You're a frump, girl.

You may look different, but inside you'll always be me.

No, please, stop.

You'll be stuck in that diner till the end of time.

I don't believe you. [GRUNTING]

True love is a myth. You better hurry up and marry Nicky...

before you end up a fat, dusty old maid.

- Never! - You'll see.

- [GRUNTS] - [LAUGHING]

[GOAT BLEATING]

Quiet, everyone. Quiet.

Roz has a few words to say.

Oh, thank you, hon. [GIGGLES]

Mmm!

I would like to make a toast.

To Grant and Julia!

Yeah! What? [LAUGHS]

Okay! Get crunk!

[ALL SHOUT] Get crunked!

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

You like it?

You look... ravishing.

What? What's wrong?

Grant, your whole courtship has been rocky, to say the least.

I just hope you're not rushing into this marriage with Julia...

as a way of getting over me.

I...

Oh, dear God. A carousel.

I, uh... I'd better get back.

Grant, this is our rehearsal dinner.

We're getting married tomorrow.

I need to know... do you still have feelings for Andy?

Of course not.

I trust you. I just don't want to get hurt.

You have nothing to worry about.

I'm devoted to you...

forever.

♪ The moment I saw you ♪

♪ Before I proposed to you ♪

♪ We said a little prayer for you ♪

♪ While combing my hair now ♪

♪ You're wonderin' what's under my dress now ♪

♪ We said a little prayer for you ♪

ALL: ♪ Forever, forever He gives you his heart ♪

♪ And he loves you forever and ever ♪

♪ You'll never break up Divorce will cost you ♪

♪ Together, together That's how it must be for this love story ♪

♪ Screw Grant She must marry Nicky ♪

♪ I really do love you, dear ♪

♪ But Andy keeps whispering in his ear ♪

♪ We'll say a little prayer for you ♪

[TONE DEAF] ♪ Grant and I will get hitched ♪

♪ If we survive my family and that scheming bitch ♪

♪ We'll say a little prayer for you ♪

♪ Forever, forever He gives you his heart ♪

♪ And he loves you forever and ever ♪

♪ You'll never break up Divorce will cost you ♪

♪ Together, together That's how it must be for this love story ♪

♪ I have one night to stop this wedding ♪

- ♪ My daughter, get busy ♪ - ♪ Get busy ♪

♪ Just back that thing up ♪

♪ He'll be true ♪

♪ Please love me too ♪

- BETTY: ♪ Answer his prayers ♪ - ♪ Try position 22 ♪

♪ Gettin' your swerve on baby ♪

♪ Answer his prayer, yo ♪

♪ Forever, forever He gives you his heart ♪

♪ And he loves you forever and ever ♪

♪ You'll never break up Divorce will cost you ♪

♪ Together, together That's how it must be for this love story ♪

♪ Will the ending be good or crappy ♪

- [APPLAUSE, CHEERING] - [MUSIC ENDS]

[SLURPING]

- [BODY THUDS] - [JINXERS YOWLS]

No.

Not a zit on my wedding day!

Ohh.

[GROANING]

[SCREAMS]

Where the hell is Julia?

Grant, I wouldn't be your best man unless I told you this.

Julia doesn't deserve you.

Oh, come on! She's an hour late for her own wedding.

Maybe she's got cold feet 'cause she knows it's not right between the two of you.

[SCOFFS]

Do you ever think about us?

Yeah.

Me too.

My grandmother's ring.

She gave you this ring on her deathbed...

and made you promise to give it to the woman you wanted

to spend the rest of your life with.

You gave it to me.

My grandfather's toe ring.

And didn't he give you this ring on his deathbed...

and make you promise to give it to the woman you'd cherish forever?

You gave that to me too.

- Julia... - Oh! She's just the rebound girl.

I'm ready to take you back. Choose me. Marry me.

Andy, I just don't feel the same way about you anymore.

Julia's the one.

Then one last kiss.

Julia, no!

[SIGHS]

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

MAN 3 [OVER BOOM BOX]: ♪ Baby, come back ♪

♪ Any kind of fool could see ♪

♪ There was somethin' in everything about you ♪

♪ Baby, come back ♪

♪ You can blame it all on me ♪

- ♪ I was wrong ♪ - MAN 4: Shut up! It's 4:00 in the morning!

- ♪ And I just can't live without you ♪ - MAN 5: Asshole!

MAN 4: Turn that crap off!

♪ Nothin' left for me ♪

♪ Ain't there nothin' left for me-eee ♪

♪ Baby, come back ♪

MAN 4: I'm trying to watch Desperate Housewives!

♪ Any kind of fool could see ♪

- MAN 4: It's called an iPod! Get one! - ♪ There was somethin' ♪

♪ In everything about you ♪

[MUSIC FADES]

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

WOMAN 3: ♪ Ooh, baby ♪

Oh. Jinxers?

♪ Don't cha wish your girlfriend was ♪

- ♪ Hot like me ♪ - [YOWLING]

♪ Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me ♪

♪ Don't cha ♪

[PURRING]

♪ Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me ♪

♪ Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me ♪

♪ Don't cha ♪

FRANK: Julia.

Let's get you out of that funk.

Julia, will you marry me?

Please?

It was good, right?

I know Nicky's a little rough around the edges,

but give him a chance.

You know, when your mother and I first got married,

we barely knew each other.

I was a mail-order bride, could barely speak the English language.

Dad, you're from Jersey.

I'm tryin' to make a point here.

At first, Linda and I couldn't get along.

But we grew to understand and even respect each other.

I'm proud to say we've been married for 30 years,

and I have you and your sister to show for it.

Now, maybe that's not the fairy tale you dream of,

but that's real life.

So, what do you say?

I've been fooling myself all along.

There is no Prince Charming.

And true love is something that only exists in the movies.

Okay, Dad, I'll marry Nicky.

Back to work.

You're crying.

Tears of joy, Dad.

Thanks, Frank. I'll take it from here.

We are gathered here to join this man and this woman...

in holy matrimony.

Marriage is a contract that should not be taken lightly.

It must be honored by two people who are truly in love.

MAN 6: ♪ Softly you whisper ♪

♪ You're so sincere ♪

♪ How could our love be so blind ♪

♪ We sailed on together ♪

♪ We drifted apart ♪

♪ And here you are by my side ♪

♪ So now I come to you ♪

♪ With open arms ♪

♪ Nothing to hide ♪

♪ Believe all I say ♪

♪ So here I am ♪

♪ With open arms ♪

♪ Hoping you'll see ♪

♪ What your love means to me ♪

♪ Open arms ♪

JUDGE: If anyone has any reason why these two should not be married,

speak now or forever hold your peace.

- I object! - Thank God!

This isn't what you wanted.

It's what I wanted.

I was wrong about Grant. He's a good man.

He even liked you when you were butt-ugly.

- How do you... - I saw it in your flashback.

You and Grant were meant to be together.

I don't know.

You need to read this.

[GRANT'S VOICE] My darling Julia. I'm sorry.

So sorry.

So very, very sorry.

And yet, sorry seems to be the hardest word to say.

If you can ever forgive me and you're ready to make that leap,

I promise I'll be there to catch you.

If you still love me the way I love you,

then meet me where Meg Ryan met Tom Hanks.

On the Internet?

No, not in You've Got Mail, in Sleepless in Seattle.

Right. The observation deck of the Empire State Building.

But how do I get there?

Um, I'll Mapquest directions and I.M. it to your Blackberry.

But I only have a T-Mobile Sidekick.

You can borrow my Treo 650.

How about we just meet where we had our first date?

A Restaurant? But that's way uptown. Traffic's a nightmare.

[SIGHS] The rooftop of your apartment building?

Okay! Great!

This issue's six months old. I hope he's still waiting.

He'd be a fool not to wait for my daughter. Go get him, baby.

Thanks, Dad.

MAN: ♪ If you believe in magic ♪

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ We'll dance until mornin' till there's just you and me ♪

♪ And maybe if the music is right ♪

♪ I'll meet you tomorrow sorta late at night ♪

♪ I'll tell you 'bout the magic and it'll free your soul ♪

♪ But it's like tryin' to tell a stranger about-a rock and roll ♪

- Taxi! Taxi! Taxi! - [HORN HONKING]

♪ Don't bother to choose ♪

♪ If it's jug band music or rhythm and blues ♪

- [MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING] - Someone! Someone please help!

Trick! You're getting on my nerves!

I need to get across town fast.

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]

- I owe you. - Damn straight!

I'm Hitch, bitch!

♪ Yeah, believe in the magic of a young girl's soul ♪

♪ Believe in the magic of-a rock and roll ♪

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

♪ Do you believe in magic ♪

- ♪ Like I ♪ - ♪ Do you believe, believe ♪

- ♪ Like I ♪ - ♪ Do you believe in magic ♪

♪ Believe like I ♪

[FADES AWAY] ♪ Do you believe, believe ♪

- [TAPPING ON BUTTON] - Come on. Open up!

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, please!

[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

["MUZAK" PLAYING]

[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

["MUZAK" CONTINUES PLAYING]

[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

["MUZAK" CONTINUES PLAYING]

[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

["MUZAK" CONTINUES PLAYING]

[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

He's mine!

- [GROANS] - Keep your damn hands off my man!

[SCREAMS, GROANING]

[SCREAMING]

[ROCK MUSIC STOPS PLAYING]

I'm too late.

Julia!

- Ohh! - [YELLING]

What happens after the prince rescues the princess?

She rescues him right back.

You make me want to be a better man.

You had me at "hello."

I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy...

asking him to love her.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

What? I'm also an ordained minister.

By the powers vested in me,

I now pronounce you man and wife.

Show her some love, man!

[MEOWS]

[CHEERING]

- Bravo! - Beautiful!

- Yeah... - [LAUGHING]

[CHEERING CONTINUES]

[WHINNYING]

Julia!

This is for you.

BERNIE: It's a vaginal thermometer.

It lets you know when you're ovulating.

It's been in our family for generations.

And if you want to keep it our lucky thermometer, don't ever wash it.

[WHINNYING]

- Julia. - Dad.

You're gonna have to find a new waitress.

It's about time.

[SIGHS]

Come here. [CHUCKLING]

Hey. Take care of my daughter.

Come on.

[GUESTS CHATTERING, LAUGHING]

BERNIE: Good-bye! Best of luck!

[CHATTERING CONTINUES]

- [SHOUTING "GOOD-BYES"] - [CHATTERING, LAUGHING CONTINUES]

Hey, is it too late to crash the Funkyerdoder wedding?

Bye.

[JULIA NARRATING] And we lived happily ever after.

But not before we went on our honeymoon to romantic Kong Island.

[GRUNTING, MURMURING]

[SCREAMING]

ANNE: Help!

Please help me!

- [GRUNTING, SHOUTING] - [CREATURE ROARING]

Help!

Keep the camera rolling.

ANNE: Oh, God!

- Help! Please! - [FOOTSTEPS POUNDING]

- [CREATURE ROARING] - [ALL GASPING]

No. No! [SOBBING]

[CREATURE PURRING]

- [CREATURE GASPS] - [GASPS]

[CHEERING, GRUNTING]

NATIVES [CHANTING]: Carmen Electra! Carmen Electra! Carmen Electra!

- Carmen Electra! Carmen Electra! - Ooh! [LAUGHS]

- That feels kinda good. - [GRUNTING]

A little... kinky.

[CREATURE GRUNTING, PANTING]

Oh, yeah!

- [GRUNTING CONTINUES] - [ALL SLURPING]

[INHALES] I like hairy boys.

- [GIGGLES] - [ROARING]

[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Get down, hit the floor Get down, hit the floor ♪

♪ Get down Hit the floor ♪

♪ Get on me like it when I work that thing ♪

♪ Get on me like it when I work that thing ♪

♪ Get on me like it when I work that thing ♪

♪ Get on me like it when I work that thing ♪

♪ Shake it, shake it for me Come and work it for me ♪

♪ Shout it but don't break it for me ♪

♪ Wiggle, wiggle Won't you come on and get naked for me... ♪

[CREW LAUGHING]

- [MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING] - Yes! Yes!

[COUGHING, RETCHING]

Yes!

[IMITATING BILL COSBY] Yes! Beautiful.

Yes, drink it.

You're gonna love it.

Is that Cos's hand on your booty?

[VOCALIZING SHARPLY]

- DIRECTOR: Cut it! - [APPLAUSE]

I'm kind of an amateur tennis player.

And, uh, I was playing, and it was a drizzly day...

and Roz came down and volunteered to hold my balls and keep 'em dry.

- His balls... - We got rained out anyway. Yeah.

His balls are always wet, whether it's raining or not.

♪ Get on me like it when I work that thing ♪

♪ Get on me like it when I work that thing ♪

♪ When Pit's in the area, area ♪

♪ Better check his bank for direct deposits ♪

♪ C-Check under your bed, bed Check your closets ♪

♪ She don't like bacon Cool, I'll give her sausage ♪

Hey, is it too late for one more parody?

♪ Dollars, dollars Don't make money... ♪

It's on the Hudson...

with breathtaking views of the skyline.

Muy romantico!

Yeah! What? Okay!

Get crunk!

We say a little prayer for you!

♪ Watch how I do it like no one's done it before ♪

♪ Yes, sir, Pit's a pro Mama, what you frontin' for ♪

- ♪ Hit the floor ♪ - ♪ Get down Hit the floor ♪

♪ Get down Hit the floor ♪

♪ Get down Hit the floor ♪

♪ Get down Hit the floor... ♪

Hai!

♪ Get on me like it when I work that thing ♪

♪ Get on me like it when I work that thing ♪

- [MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING] - [SQUAWKING]

Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah! I'm your baby! Nyah-nyah!

- [MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING] - Infantilism.

♪ I sold 350 the first week ♪

♪ But they got somethin' comin' at you on the Smurf beat ♪

♪ Because he got the bass that hit you in the head like a four-by-four ♪

♪ Now back it up for me I'm beggin' shorty por favor♪

♪ Go and get the other lane Let me show you how to jack it ♪

♪ Ain't no like nothin' a brother ♪

♪ You gon' like it when I smack it ♪

♪ Got you in the fantasy I hope no... pop off ♪

♪ While we grindin' and I'm tryin' to get my rocks off ♪

♪ Hope them haters don't come at me thinkin' my block's off ♪

♪ 'Cause we known to get them heaters burnin' like hot sauce ♪

♪ It's all because I gave them baby mamas on the low ♪

♪ I tell 'em Get down, hit the floor ♪

♪ Get down, hit the floor Get down, hit the floor ♪

♪ Get down, hit the floor Get down, hit the floor ♪

♪ Get on me like it when I work that thing ♪

♪ Get on me like it when I work that thing ♪

♪ Get on me like it when I work that thing ♪

♪ Get on me like it when I work that thing ♪

♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪

♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪

♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪

♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪

♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪

♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪

♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪

- ♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪ - ♪ Get off ♪

- ♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪ - ♪ Get off ♪

- ♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪ - ♪ Get off ♪

♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪

- ♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪ - ♪ Get off ♪

- ♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪ - ♪ Get off ♪

- ♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪ - ♪ Get off ♪

♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪

- ♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪ - ♪ Delay, delay, delay delay ♪

MAN 2: How often do you have sex?

I don't understand the question.

I mean, it's a PG-13 movie.

We're limited to very mild sexual content.

Above the waist,

over the shirts, no tongues.

No tongue.

MAN 2: How about this week?

[MOUTHS WORD] Nine.

- A hundred and twenty seven. - RAPPER: Too much booty in the pants!

♪ Dance Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

- Whazzup! - ♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

All the freaks out there with their big ol' booties!

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

If you got too much booty in your pants, then you ought to dance.

Yo, T! Pitch that stupid sh...!

♪ Everybody got around ♪

♪ It's the chief about to throw down ♪

♪ If you wonder who I am ♪

♪ I'm that fool who makes you jam ♪

♪ Now it's time for you to party ♪

♪ Feel the rhythm in your body ♪

♪ I got somethin' for your soul ♪

♪ Shake that booty Make it roll ♪

♪ Work it, work it Ain't no stoppin' ♪

♪ Keep on, keep on Keep on rockin' ♪

♪ Twist that booty round and round ♪

♪ Bring it on down Bring it on down ♪

♪ If you are a sexy cutie ♪

♪ And you got a big ol' booty ♪

♪ Come on, baby Come on, dance ♪

♪ With too much booty in yo' pants ♪

♪ Dance Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Now I got ya in the groove ♪

♪ Shake that booty like a fool ♪

♪ All the ladies with the boo' ♪

♪ One, two, three Let me hear you say ♪

♪ Boom-shaka-laka Boom-shaka-laka-boom ♪

WOMEN: ♪ Boom-shaka-laka Boom-shaka-laka-boom ♪

♪ Yeah, say boom-shaka-laka Boom-shaka-laka-boom ♪

WOMEN: ♪ Boom-shaka-laka Boom-shaka-laka-boom ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Come on, party people Don't stop ♪

♪ Bring your baby straight to the top ♪

♪ Too much booty in yo' pants ♪

♪ Put the fellas in a trance ♪

- ♪ Yo, fellas Let me hear you say "yeah" ♪ - Yeah!

- ♪ You like a big booty say "yeah" ♪ - Yeah!

♪ All the ladies in the house say "yeah" ♪

Yeah.

- ♪ If you got a big booty say "yeah" ♪ - Yeah!

♪ Dance Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Got a lot of booty in your pants Then you gotta do the ♪

♪ Got a lot of booty in your pants Then you gotta do the ♪

♪ Got a lot of booty in your pants Then you gotta do the ♪

♪ Got a lot of booty in your... Got a lot of booty in your... ♪

WOMEN: ♪ Boom-shaka-laka-laka Boom-shaka-laka-laka ♪

♪ Boom-shaka-laka-laka Boom-shaka-laka-laka ♪

♪ Here I come back for mo' ♪

♪ Soundmaster T on the flo' ♪

♪ Nobody's leavin' out the do' ♪

♪ Gonna work that booty till it's sore ♪

♪ Just keep on bouncin' up and down ♪

♪ I'm-a keep on boomin' in your sound ♪

♪ That's how we do it in Chi-town ♪

- ♪ Break down ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

RAPPER: This is the Jackmaster Woods...

along with the Soundmaster T,

and we wanna get our stupid shouts out to all the ladies with the big ol' booties...

and all the fellas who are rockin' those big ol' booties.

New York!

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

Detroit!

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

Chicago!

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

Miami!

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

Philly!

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

Atlanta!

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

♪ Booty, booty Booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

Texas!

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

L.A.!

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

New Jersey!

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

London!

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

Soundmaster T...

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

and Jackmaster Wood.

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

Go back to the 9-4.

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

I got to go.

♪ I see a girl over there with a big ol' booty. Peace. ♪

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

♪ Booty, booty booty, booty, booty Rockin' everywhere ♪

♪ Dance Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Dance Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, Too much booty in the pants ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪

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