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[bright tone]
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[theme music playing]
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♪ ♪
4
00:00:09,579 --> 00:00:13,516
- ♪ All the shadows
in the city ♪
5
00:00:13,583 --> 00:00:17,354
♪ Used to love you,
what a pity ♪
6
00:00:17,421 --> 00:00:21,391
♪ I miss the questions
you used to ask me ♪
7
00:00:21,458 --> 00:00:25,495
♪ Bored to death,
cut, mad and lonely ♪
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00:00:25,562 --> 00:00:29,433
♪ Bored to death, cut,
mad and lonely... ♪
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00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:31,636
- [coughs]
- ♪ Bored to death ♪
10
00:00:31,703 --> 00:00:33,805
♪ Cut, mad and lonely ♪
11
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♪ ♪
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00:00:35,807 --> 00:00:37,442
[whistle blows]
13
00:00:37,509 --> 00:00:44,516
♪ ♪
14
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[crowd gasping]
15
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[energetic jazz music]
16
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♪ ♪
17
00:01:02,166 --> 00:01:05,370
- [groans]
[applause]
18
00:01:06,637 --> 00:01:08,305
Thank you all
for coming tonight.
19
00:01:08,372 --> 00:01:09,874
I thought that these knives
would be
20
00:01:09,941 --> 00:01:11,904
a sort of
metaphorical ribbon-cutting
21
00:01:11,971 --> 00:01:14,311
for my new book,
"The Blonde in the Woods."
22
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- Oh, it's metaphorical.
23
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I thought he was just being
self-destructive.
24
00:01:19,616 --> 00:01:22,452
- Is it over?
- It's all over, sweetie.
25
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- I'll be signing books,
iPads, and Kindles.
26
00:01:25,723 --> 00:01:26,790
Ah!
27
00:01:26,857 --> 00:01:29,794
[jazzy woodwind music]
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♪ ♪
29
00:01:31,195 --> 00:01:33,431
Who should I sign it to?
- Just sign it, kid.
30
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♪ ♪
31
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- Thank you very much.
32
00:01:41,371 --> 00:01:43,808
- Weak grip.
Good to know.
33
00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:45,344
- What?
34
00:01:47,211 --> 00:01:48,512
- Mom, Dad, you guys
35
00:01:48,579 --> 00:01:50,815
don't have to wait in line.
I'll sign your books after.
36
00:01:50,882 --> 00:01:52,716
- But I'm your biggest fan.
37
00:01:52,783 --> 00:01:55,619
I'm his biggest fan.
38
00:01:55,686 --> 00:01:59,223
He was a 10-month baby.
He didn't want to leave.
39
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[energetic music]
40
00:02:02,494 --> 00:02:04,628
♪ ♪
41
00:02:04,695 --> 00:02:06,864
- I love your organic
restaurant, George.
42
00:02:06,931 --> 00:02:08,032
- Thank you, Ray.
43
00:02:08,099 --> 00:02:09,734
And now let's toast
to Jonathan
44
00:02:09,801 --> 00:02:11,836
and his wonderful new book.
45
00:02:11,903 --> 00:02:13,136
- And I'm not the only one
46
00:02:13,203 --> 00:02:14,505
who has a reason to celebrate.
47
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- Ray.
- Oh, you got a job?
48
00:02:17,141 --> 00:02:18,708
- No, nothing terrible
like that.
49
00:02:18,775 --> 00:02:21,445
- Remember the lesbian couple
in Ditmas Park
50
00:02:21,512 --> 00:02:23,347
that got pregnant
from my stolen sperm?
51
00:02:23,414 --> 00:02:26,951
- Yes, that was and still is
very memorable.
52
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- Well, they're getting
a divorce,
53
00:02:28,820 --> 00:02:29,821
and I get to see my son
54
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one day a week.
55
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I meet him tomorrow.
56
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The nice mom decided
57
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that he needed
a male role model.
58
00:02:36,461 --> 00:02:38,161
- Oh, that's fantastic.
59
00:02:38,228 --> 00:02:41,232
- But I don't understand.
Your sperm was stolen?
60
00:02:41,299 --> 00:02:43,868
Did they take it from you
while you were sleeping?
61
00:02:43,935 --> 00:02:45,235
- No, I put it in a cup.
62
00:02:45,302 --> 00:02:46,904
- And they stole the cup?
63
00:02:46,971 --> 00:02:49,907
[energetic music]
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♪ ♪
65
00:02:54,178 --> 00:02:56,447
I love the view, Jonathan.
66
00:02:56,514 --> 00:02:58,182
But how can you
afford this place?
67
00:02:58,249 --> 00:02:59,283
- Well, because of
the clock,
68
00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:00,952
everything trembles
once an hour.
69
00:03:01,019 --> 00:03:02,419
It's why the rent
is so cheap.
70
00:03:02,486 --> 00:03:04,388
It's like living in California,
but in Brooklyn.
71
00:03:04,455 --> 00:03:08,092
- Ray probably kept his sperm
in a fridge, don't you think?
72
00:03:08,159 --> 00:03:09,092
- Yeah, I remember something
73
00:03:09,159 --> 00:03:10,428
about having
to keep it chilled.
74
00:03:10,495 --> 00:03:11,628
- So what do you make
75
00:03:11,695 --> 00:03:13,530
of this whole situation
with Ray?
76
00:03:13,597 --> 00:03:15,432
- I think it's great.
- So you're not
77
00:03:15,499 --> 00:03:17,367
against sperm donation?
- Not at all.
78
00:03:17,434 --> 00:03:18,936
I think it's a nice use
of sperm.
79
00:03:19,003 --> 00:03:20,237
- Ira, I don't think--
80
00:03:20,304 --> 00:03:22,006
- Florence, I've been waiting
30 years
81
00:03:22,073 --> 00:03:23,307
for a good opening.
82
00:03:23,374 --> 00:03:24,942
- What are you guys
talking about?
83
00:03:25,009 --> 00:03:27,810
- Jonathan, I'm sterile.
84
00:03:27,877 --> 00:03:30,647
But there was never
the right moment to tell you,
85
00:03:30,714 --> 00:03:33,317
and I never wanted you to think
I wasn't your father.
86
00:03:33,384 --> 00:03:36,421
I was too proud.
But hearing Ray's story--
87
00:03:36,488 --> 00:03:38,922
- I don't understand.
88
00:03:38,989 --> 00:03:41,225
- To conceive you,
89
00:03:41,292 --> 00:03:43,694
we went to a sperm bank.
90
00:03:43,761 --> 00:03:47,432
- [chuckles]
91
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[sedate jazz music]
92
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I come from a sperm bank?
93
00:03:53,004 --> 00:03:55,940
- Yes, it was in Fair Lawn,
94
00:03:56,007 --> 00:03:57,741
near the kosher nosh
restaurant.
95
00:03:57,808 --> 00:03:59,409
You know, the place
with the wonderful kugel.
96
00:03:59,476 --> 00:04:01,078
- Florence,
that's not relevant.
97
00:04:01,145 --> 00:04:03,881
- I can't believe this.
98
00:04:03,948 --> 00:04:05,784
Who's my father?
99
00:04:06,684 --> 00:04:09,353
- All we know is
that he was Jewish
100
00:04:09,420 --> 00:04:12,590
and very bright,
which is what we requested.
101
00:04:12,657 --> 00:04:14,091
He was a member of "Menscha."
102
00:04:14,158 --> 00:04:15,993
- "Menscha"?
103
00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:17,795
He was a member of Mensa.
104
00:04:17,862 --> 00:04:23,400
♪ ♪
105
00:04:23,467 --> 00:04:25,436
- And so I come from
a sperm bank
106
00:04:25,503 --> 00:04:28,000
in Fair Lawn, New Jersey.
107
00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:30,774
At least the guy
was a member of Mensa.
108
00:04:30,841 --> 00:04:33,544
- I always said
you were very bright.
109
00:04:33,611 --> 00:04:35,779
- You know, the whole thing
was pretty emotional.
110
00:04:35,846 --> 00:04:38,181
I had to reassure my dad
that I'll always love him
111
00:04:38,248 --> 00:04:39,750
and I'll always think
of him as my father.
112
00:04:39,817 --> 00:04:42,386
- Oh, good boy.
I'm so proud of you.
113
00:04:42,453 --> 00:04:44,454
If my daughter said
something like that to me,
114
00:04:44,521 --> 00:04:47,258
I'd dissolve
and turn into mist.
115
00:04:47,325 --> 00:04:48,992
- It is weird.
116
00:04:49,059 --> 00:04:52,697
All my life I've defined myself
by saying I'm not like my dad,
117
00:04:52,764 --> 00:04:55,132
but now that it's true,
I feel...
118
00:04:55,199 --> 00:04:57,001
completely disoriented.
119
00:04:57,068 --> 00:05:00,705
- I have to say I'm at a loss
as how to console you.
120
00:05:01,573 --> 00:05:03,736
I'll pay for lunch.
121
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:05,605
- Thank you, George.
122
00:05:06,105 --> 00:05:07,378
Oh shit, George.
I'd better get going.
123
00:05:07,445 --> 00:05:08,712
I have a case.
124
00:05:08,779 --> 00:05:10,914
I have to follow a woman
off the 1:10 from Katonah.
125
00:05:10,981 --> 00:05:13,816
- You know, I don't know
if it's the placebo effect,
126
00:05:13,883 --> 00:05:16,787
but I always feel so virile
after eating oysters,
127
00:05:16,854 --> 00:05:21,626
like I should mount
a woman immediately.
128
00:05:22,627 --> 00:05:25,062
- But you always
feel that way.
129
00:05:25,129 --> 00:05:28,065
[suspenseful jazz music]
130
00:05:28,132 --> 00:05:30,267
♪ ♪
131
00:05:30,334 --> 00:05:31,569
- What do you think?
132
00:05:31,636 --> 00:05:34,571
Super Ray
versus X-Acto man.
133
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,507
- Ray, you have to stop
drawing that stabbing
134
00:05:36,574 --> 00:05:37,642
over and over again.
135
00:05:37,709 --> 00:05:39,176
- Why?
It took Monica Seles
136
00:05:39,243 --> 00:05:40,544
years to get over her stabbing,
137
00:05:40,611 --> 00:05:42,012
and she was the number one
tennis player in the world.
138
00:05:42,079 --> 00:05:44,649
- You're not Monica Seles.
You have to let it go.
139
00:05:46,818 --> 00:05:48,419
- Okay.
140
00:05:48,486 --> 00:05:49,987
I think I'm just getting
a little overwhelmed
141
00:05:50,054 --> 00:05:51,254
about meeting Spencer.
142
00:05:51,321 --> 00:05:54,324
- It'll be fine.
You're good with children.
143
00:05:54,391 --> 00:05:55,427
- No, I'm not.
I've always been bad
144
00:05:55,494 --> 00:05:56,493
with children.
145
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,624
When I was little,
kids would call me
146
00:05:58,691 --> 00:05:59,997
Gay Hueston.
147
00:06:00,064 --> 00:06:02,332
They hated me.
They'd say,
148
00:06:02,399 --> 00:06:05,365
"Hueston, we have a problem,
because you're gay."
149
00:06:06,470 --> 00:06:07,939
It's why I became
an artist.
150
00:06:08,006 --> 00:06:10,875
[doorbell rings]
151
00:06:11,575 --> 00:06:13,410
Uh, that's them.
That's them.
152
00:06:13,477 --> 00:06:15,012
You get the door, okay?
And just tell them
153
00:06:15,079 --> 00:06:16,613
that I have very bad
erratic diarrhea, okay,
154
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,215
and that I don't want Spencer
to catch it.
155
00:06:18,282 --> 00:06:20,078
- Ray, diarrhea
is not contagious.
156
00:06:20,145 --> 00:06:22,252
- That is not true,
and you know it.
157
00:06:22,319 --> 00:06:24,056
- You're going
to meet your son.
158
00:06:27,158 --> 00:06:28,926
- Hi.
- Hi.
159
00:06:28,993 --> 00:06:31,295
- Hello.
Come on, Ray.
160
00:06:31,362 --> 00:06:34,198
Renee and Spencer
are here.
161
00:06:34,265 --> 00:06:36,061
- Is he wearing
a red cape?
162
00:06:36,128 --> 00:06:37,696
- Oh yes.
He wanted to look heroic
163
00:06:37,763 --> 00:06:38,635
for Spencer.
164
00:06:38,702 --> 00:06:42,006
It's his alter ego.
- Oh, that's sweet.
165
00:06:42,073 --> 00:06:42,840
Is he all right?
166
00:06:42,907 --> 00:06:44,809
- He's nervous
and didn't sleep well,
167
00:06:44,876 --> 00:06:45,843
so he's overtired.
168
00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:46,911
- So is Spencer.
169
00:06:46,978 --> 00:06:49,312
Maybe later, you can put them
both down for a nap.
170
00:06:49,379 --> 00:06:51,516
Anyway, I'm gonna pick
him up at 6:00.
171
00:06:51,583 --> 00:06:53,884
- Come on, Ray.
- No!
172
00:06:53,951 --> 00:06:55,787
- Ray, you have nothing
to be afraid of.
173
00:06:55,854 --> 00:06:58,355
Spencer is so excited
to meet you
174
00:06:58,422 --> 00:07:00,892
and spend
the day with you.
175
00:07:00,959 --> 00:07:01,925
- Really?
176
00:07:01,992 --> 00:07:03,928
- Yeah, just keep him in
his regular routine--
177
00:07:03,995 --> 00:07:06,398
a walk, a nap, a bottle.
178
00:07:06,465 --> 00:07:07,899
Here, you hold him.
179
00:07:07,966 --> 00:07:11,135
[warm music]
180
00:07:11,202 --> 00:07:15,307
- [coos]
181
00:07:15,374 --> 00:07:16,808
- I love you.
182
00:07:16,875 --> 00:07:19,071
♪ ♪
183
00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:20,311
- My mark is supposed
to be tall
184
00:07:20,378 --> 00:07:21,846
and wearing
a distinctive yellow hat.
185
00:07:21,913 --> 00:07:24,248
- Is the hat distinctive
because it's yellow,
186
00:07:24,315 --> 00:07:26,484
or is it yellow
and distinctive?
187
00:07:26,551 --> 00:07:28,485
- I don't know.
Good point.
188
00:07:28,552 --> 00:07:30,653
I was hired over the phone.
All the guy said was
189
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,890
to follow her wherever she goes
and report where she lands.
190
00:07:32,957 --> 00:07:34,926
- Sounds easy enough.
I'll help you for a while,
191
00:07:34,993 --> 00:07:36,760
but then I've got to go
meet my daughter.
192
00:07:36,827 --> 00:07:37,929
- Did she find
a place to live?
193
00:07:37,996 --> 00:07:39,430
- Yeah, she
and her new boyfriend
194
00:07:39,497 --> 00:07:41,465
found a sublet
down in Chelsea.
195
00:07:41,532 --> 00:07:43,567
I'm meeting him
today as well.
196
00:07:43,634 --> 00:07:46,603
I hope I don't loathe
the kid immediately.
197
00:07:46,670 --> 00:07:48,606
- That must be her.
That hat is yellow
198
00:07:48,673 --> 00:07:50,307
and distinctive.
Let's go.
199
00:07:50,374 --> 00:07:52,343
- Oh, my God,
what a robust figure.
200
00:07:52,410 --> 00:07:53,711
It's like she has a cello
in that dress.
201
00:07:53,778 --> 00:07:55,346
- George, George.
- I love this case.
202
00:07:55,413 --> 00:07:56,647
Whoa, whoa, George, George.
Slow down.
203
00:07:56,714 --> 00:07:57,981
You'll tip her off.
204
00:07:58,048 --> 00:07:59,950
- I want to get a better look.
I just had oysters.
205
00:08:00,017 --> 00:08:01,552
- But you're not
being professional.
206
00:08:01,619 --> 00:08:03,053
- I don't want
to be professional.
207
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,555
Oh, my God, what about her?
Let's follow her.
208
00:08:05,622 --> 00:08:06,724
- She's going
towards my subway.
209
00:08:06,791 --> 00:08:08,893
- George!
- The oysters are kicking in.
210
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:10,961
Good luck!
211
00:08:11,028 --> 00:08:13,965
[dramatic music]
212
00:08:14,032 --> 00:08:18,135
♪ ♪
213
00:08:18,202 --> 00:08:21,105
[easygoing music]
214
00:08:21,172 --> 00:08:28,180
♪ ♪
215
00:08:39,290 --> 00:08:41,259
[Spencer giggles]
216
00:08:41,326 --> 00:08:45,228
♪ ♪
217
00:08:45,295 --> 00:08:48,761
- Sorry, George.
- [giggles]
218
00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:53,238
♪ ♪
219
00:08:53,305 --> 00:08:54,906
- Come on, dude.
220
00:08:54,973 --> 00:08:56,840
♪ ♪
221
00:08:56,907 --> 00:08:58,643
- Hey, you know, you could have
been a gentleman
222
00:08:58,710 --> 00:08:59,877
and helped me
open the door, at least.
223
00:08:59,944 --> 00:09:02,113
- Fuck you, estrogen bomb.
- Estrogen?
224
00:09:02,180 --> 00:09:04,743
♪ ♪
225
00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:06,318
Spencer!
226
00:09:06,385 --> 00:09:13,592
♪ ♪
227
00:09:17,127 --> 00:09:18,563
Fuck it.
228
00:09:18,630 --> 00:09:22,299
[jazz music]
229
00:09:22,366 --> 00:09:23,868
- More coffee,
Mr. Christopher?
230
00:09:23,935 --> 00:09:25,669
- No, no thank you, Phillip.
231
00:09:25,736 --> 00:09:27,571
Have you seen the new article?
232
00:09:27,638 --> 00:09:30,674
- I saw it, Mr. Christopher.
But my name is Stephen.
233
00:09:30,741 --> 00:09:33,144
I've been with you
since you left "Edition."
234
00:09:33,211 --> 00:09:34,812
- I am so sorry, Stephen.
235
00:09:34,879 --> 00:09:36,013
Because of the marijuana,
236
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:39,150
my whole life is like
that film "Memento."
237
00:09:39,217 --> 00:09:40,585
And I'm nervous.
238
00:09:40,652 --> 00:09:42,019
I'm seeing my daughter
239
00:09:42,086 --> 00:09:45,017
for the first time
in two years.
240
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:48,025
Here she is.
Emily.
241
00:09:48,092 --> 00:09:49,493
- Oh, hi Daddy.
242
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:52,296
- My dear girl.
Oh, look at you.
243
00:09:52,363 --> 00:09:53,798
You are so beautiful.
244
00:09:53,865 --> 00:09:55,833
- Oh, really?
I haven't put on weight?
245
00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:57,534
- No, no, no, no, no.
246
00:09:57,601 --> 00:09:59,871
Come on, let's sit down.
- Okay.
247
00:10:02,073 --> 00:10:05,442
All right, I want all
your headlines immediately.
248
00:10:05,509 --> 00:10:07,078
- Okay, well--
- But before you start,
249
00:10:07,145 --> 00:10:10,347
I just want to tell you
that I am so, so, so sorry
250
00:10:10,414 --> 00:10:13,317
that I've been a lousy father
for the past couple of years.
251
00:10:13,384 --> 00:10:14,952
I want us to be close again.
252
00:10:15,019 --> 00:10:18,455
- No, I'm sorry I've been
a lousy daughter.
253
00:10:18,522 --> 00:10:20,124
- No, you haven't been lousy.
254
00:10:20,191 --> 00:10:22,592
I'm the only one allowed
to feel guilty here.
255
00:10:22,659 --> 00:10:25,730
That's my job as a parent,
to feel inadequate.
256
00:10:25,797 --> 00:10:27,865
- Okay, Dad,
you're inadequate.
257
00:10:27,932 --> 00:10:29,734
- All right, give me
your headlines.
258
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:31,269
- Okay, I'm--
- Wait, wait, wait.
259
00:10:31,336 --> 00:10:32,770
Hold the presses.
260
00:10:32,837 --> 00:10:33,905
Where's your new boyfriend?
I thought
261
00:10:33,972 --> 00:10:35,439
he was coming with you.
- Oh yeah.
262
00:10:35,506 --> 00:10:36,941
He's out
running errands for me.
263
00:10:37,008 --> 00:10:38,643
We like to pretend
that he's my dog.
264
00:10:38,710 --> 00:10:40,878
It's our fun little thing.
265
00:10:40,945 --> 00:10:43,446
- Well, that sounds good,
I guess.
266
00:10:43,513 --> 00:10:45,916
I mean, dogs
are loyal, right?
267
00:10:45,983 --> 00:10:48,085
Where'd you meet him?
- At a séance.
268
00:10:48,152 --> 00:10:50,521
We were trying to communicate
with the original designer
269
00:10:50,588 --> 00:10:51,989
of Fiestaware.
I went
270
00:10:52,056 --> 00:10:53,757
with my AA sponsor, Sophie.
271
00:10:53,824 --> 00:10:57,261
- Wait, wait, slow down,
sweetheart.
272
00:10:57,328 --> 00:10:58,796
You're in AA?
- Mm-hmm.
273
00:10:58,863 --> 00:11:00,197
- When did this happen?
274
00:11:00,264 --> 00:11:01,732
- About nine months ago.
275
00:11:01,799 --> 00:11:03,634
I was drinking a lot,
276
00:11:03,701 --> 00:11:05,936
but mostly I was just
becoming a pot-head,
277
00:11:06,003 --> 00:11:08,840
like you used to be
when I was a kid.
278
00:11:08,907 --> 00:11:10,741
- Well, yes.
That is true.
279
00:11:10,808 --> 00:11:14,472
I was a pot-head...
back then.
280
00:11:14,539 --> 00:11:16,814
But anyway, I'm so glad
that you're sober.
281
00:11:16,881 --> 00:11:19,116
- So what about you?
Why did you open
282
00:11:19,183 --> 00:11:21,552
this elitist
artisanal restaurant?
283
00:11:21,619 --> 00:11:25,222
- Well, it's kind of
my new canvas, you know?
284
00:11:25,289 --> 00:11:27,592
It's like the magazine,
but with steak frites.
285
00:11:27,659 --> 00:11:29,727
Oh, have you seen
this article?
286
00:11:29,794 --> 00:11:30,795
You're gonna
get a kick out of it.
287
00:11:30,862 --> 00:11:33,463
- [gasps] Ooh, there's Bernard.
288
00:11:33,530 --> 00:11:36,233
Bernard, over here.
Here, boy.
289
00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:39,871
Here, boy.
[growls]
290
00:11:41,273 --> 00:11:42,840
Hi.
291
00:11:42,907 --> 00:11:45,410
[slow jazz music]
292
00:11:45,477 --> 00:11:47,145
- [moans]
293
00:11:47,212 --> 00:11:54,219
♪ ♪
294
00:11:57,387 --> 00:12:00,325
[energetic jazz music]
295
00:12:00,392 --> 00:12:07,399
♪ ♪
296
00:12:22,312 --> 00:12:24,782
- Yeah?
- Ames here, your detective.
297
00:12:24,849 --> 00:12:26,016
The woman in
the yellow hat
298
00:12:26,083 --> 00:12:28,719
is in room 1527
of the Iroquois Hotel.
299
00:12:28,786 --> 00:12:30,287
- Got it.
300
00:12:30,354 --> 00:12:32,256
- Hey, speaking of the woman
in the yellow hat,
301
00:12:32,323 --> 00:12:34,357
did you ever read
the Curious George books?
302
00:12:34,424 --> 00:12:37,895
I loved them when I was a kid.
[dial tone]
303
00:12:37,962 --> 00:12:40,532
[woman screams twice]
304
00:12:40,599 --> 00:12:43,535
[energetic music]
305
00:12:43,602 --> 00:12:44,667
♪ ♪
306
00:12:44,734 --> 00:12:46,471
what's going on here?
I heard a scream.
307
00:12:46,538 --> 00:12:48,606
Well, actually two screams.
308
00:12:48,673 --> 00:12:50,442
[groans]
309
00:12:50,509 --> 00:12:54,178
♪ ♪
310
00:12:54,245 --> 00:12:55,178
[baby crying]
311
00:12:55,245 --> 00:12:57,415
- Spencer, you've got
to stop crying.
312
00:12:57,482 --> 00:12:59,384
Shh.
Shh.
313
00:12:59,451 --> 00:13:00,618
[both crying]
314
00:13:00,685 --> 00:13:03,555
It's okay.
315
00:13:04,622 --> 00:13:06,284
- Shh.
- Hello?
316
00:13:06,351 --> 00:13:07,457
- Mom!
- Hey, Ray.
317
00:13:07,524 --> 00:13:09,326
- The baby won't stop crying.
318
00:13:09,393 --> 00:13:11,763
What do I do?
Leah's out with the girls.
319
00:13:11,830 --> 00:13:13,030
- Put some whiskey
on a nipple.
320
00:13:13,097 --> 00:13:14,665
That's what I used to do
for you.
321
00:13:14,732 --> 00:13:16,233
- Really?
- Sure.
322
00:13:16,300 --> 00:13:17,968
- It's amazing
I'm not an alcoholic.
323
00:13:18,035 --> 00:13:20,771
- [laughs] You're not?
- Mom, god.
324
00:13:20,838 --> 00:13:23,508
Shh.
It's okay.
325
00:13:23,575 --> 00:13:25,810
It's okay.
326
00:13:25,877 --> 00:13:28,713
It's okay.
Shh, shh.
327
00:13:28,780 --> 00:13:30,981
Shh.
Okay.
328
00:13:31,048 --> 00:13:33,418
It's okay.
It's okay.
329
00:13:41,592 --> 00:13:43,060
There's no nipple.
330
00:13:43,127 --> 00:13:46,098
It's a goddamn sippy cup!
331
00:13:49,834 --> 00:13:53,038
[crying continues]
332
00:14:07,451 --> 00:14:09,186
Look, I used to cry a lot too
when I was a kid,
333
00:14:09,253 --> 00:14:13,058
but sometimes you have
to just suck it up, okay?
334
00:14:22,567 --> 00:14:24,268
See this?
335
00:14:24,335 --> 00:14:27,971
Take this, go like this.
Right?
336
00:14:28,038 --> 00:14:29,874
[crying continues]
337
00:14:29,941 --> 00:14:33,010
Shh.
It's okay.
338
00:14:33,077 --> 00:14:36,547
It's okay.
It's okay.
339
00:14:36,614 --> 00:14:39,651
Shh.
340
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,455
[crying stops]
341
00:14:43,522 --> 00:14:46,458
[warm music]
342
00:14:46,525 --> 00:14:52,630
♪ ♪
343
00:14:52,697 --> 00:14:54,899
Not bad.
344
00:14:54,966 --> 00:14:57,902
[quiet music]
345
00:14:57,969 --> 00:15:00,938
♪ ♪
346
00:15:01,005 --> 00:15:04,137
[mysterious music]
347
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:11,216
♪ ♪
348
00:15:12,617 --> 00:15:14,987
[groans]
349
00:15:19,123 --> 00:15:21,293
[screams]
Oh, my God.
350
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:25,196
♪ ♪
351
00:15:25,263 --> 00:15:26,931
Hello?
352
00:15:26,998 --> 00:15:30,763
♪ ♪
353
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:32,770
Please don't be dead.
Please don't be dead.
354
00:15:32,837 --> 00:15:35,507
Please don't be dead.
355
00:15:36,441 --> 00:15:40,010
Dead.
[whimpers]
356
00:15:40,077 --> 00:15:42,280
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
357
00:15:42,347 --> 00:15:44,649
Oh, my God.
358
00:15:44,716 --> 00:15:46,050
I've been framed.
359
00:15:46,117 --> 00:15:50,688
Why are my pants
at my ankles?
360
00:15:50,755 --> 00:15:57,958
♪ ♪
361
00:16:03,801 --> 00:16:04,802
Ah! Oh, my God!
362
00:16:04,869 --> 00:16:06,371
I'm sorry.
Are you okay?
363
00:16:06,438 --> 00:16:07,738
I mean...
364
00:16:07,805 --> 00:16:09,774
[suspenseful music]
365
00:16:09,841 --> 00:16:11,443
[radio chatter]
366
00:16:11,510 --> 00:16:18,517
♪ ♪
367
00:16:24,789 --> 00:16:27,158
[pounding]
368
00:16:27,225 --> 00:16:29,394
- Police.
Open up.
369
00:16:29,461 --> 00:16:30,462
[pounding]
370
00:16:32,263 --> 00:16:34,499
Open up.
Police!
371
00:16:35,867 --> 00:16:37,167
- Ah! Shh! Shh!
- [gasps]
372
00:16:37,234 --> 00:16:40,337
- Please don't scream.
I'm not here to molest you.
373
00:16:40,404 --> 00:16:42,572
I mean,
you're very beautiful.
374
00:16:42,639 --> 00:16:45,609
Go back into the bathroom,
come out in two minutes,
375
00:16:45,676 --> 00:16:47,044
and I'll be gone, okay?
376
00:16:47,111 --> 00:16:50,243
[dramatic jazz music]
377
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:55,553
♪ ♪
378
00:16:55,620 --> 00:16:57,689
Good-bye.
Thank you.
379
00:16:57,756 --> 00:17:04,763
♪ ♪
380
00:17:07,131 --> 00:17:09,834
- So did you have fun
with your superhero daddy?
381
00:17:09,901 --> 00:17:12,069
- "Yes I did.
I love being with Daddy.
382
00:17:12,136 --> 00:17:13,803
I want to be
with him all the time."
383
00:17:13,870 --> 00:17:18,375
- Uh-oh, I think somebody
might need a diaper change.
384
00:17:18,442 --> 00:17:22,913
I'm sorry, does he--
does he smell like booze?
385
00:17:22,980 --> 00:17:24,415
- No, I don't think so.
386
00:17:24,482 --> 00:17:27,084
Maybe he snuck a drink earlier.
You know kids.
387
00:17:27,151 --> 00:17:30,021
- Well, I'd better get him
over to my ex's house.
388
00:17:30,088 --> 00:17:32,322
She can change his diaper.
389
00:17:32,389 --> 00:17:35,259
That's one of the benefits
of divorce.
390
00:17:35,326 --> 00:17:37,294
- Now that you've
been cut loose,
391
00:17:37,361 --> 00:17:40,297
have you been getting
a lot of puss?
392
00:17:40,364 --> 00:17:42,132
- Yeah, it's actually okay.
393
00:17:42,199 --> 00:17:44,767
You know, I was never
single in Brooklyn before.
394
00:17:44,834 --> 00:17:47,737
It's kind of wonderful.
It's kind of like college.
395
00:17:47,804 --> 00:17:50,975
You know, a lot of girls,
a lot of--lot of puss.
396
00:17:51,042 --> 00:17:53,977
- Hmm.
Guess it gives a new meaning
397
00:17:54,044 --> 00:17:56,275
to the phrase
"gay divorcee."
398
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:57,514
- Right.
399
00:17:57,581 --> 00:17:59,449
So I guess we'll see you
next week, Ray?
400
00:17:59,516 --> 00:18:00,752
- Great.
Do remember to have your ex
401
00:18:00,819 --> 00:18:01,919
change him right away.
402
00:18:01,986 --> 00:18:03,220
If he's anything
like his old man,
403
00:18:03,287 --> 00:18:07,058
he has a sensitive tushy.
Right, little guy?
404
00:18:07,125 --> 00:18:09,126
- Oh, good to know.
405
00:18:09,193 --> 00:18:11,729
Okay.
- Bye, Spencer.
406
00:18:11,796 --> 00:18:13,731
- Bye.
- Bye.
407
00:18:13,798 --> 00:18:15,766
- Bye, guys.
- Bye.
408
00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:18,636
- Bye, Spencer.
409
00:18:18,703 --> 00:18:21,972
Bye, Spencer.
Spencer.
410
00:18:22,039 --> 00:18:23,007
Spencer!
411
00:18:23,074 --> 00:18:25,142
[jazz music]
412
00:18:25,209 --> 00:18:26,877
- And so I'm living
right upstairs.
413
00:18:26,944 --> 00:18:28,412
There's even a dumbwaiter,
414
00:18:28,479 --> 00:18:31,215
so if I want, they can send
my meals right up the chute.
415
00:18:31,282 --> 00:18:33,284
- I want a dumbwaiter.
416
00:18:33,351 --> 00:18:35,786
- George, I keep noticing
the staff down here
417
00:18:35,853 --> 00:18:37,354
is serving telephones?
418
00:18:37,421 --> 00:18:40,190
- Yes, I've banned cell phones
from the restaurant,
419
00:18:40,257 --> 00:18:42,759
but if you have an emergency,
420
00:18:42,826 --> 00:18:45,595
you can have a telephone
plugged in at your table.
421
00:18:45,662 --> 00:18:48,098
- Why the ban, Daddy?
You love texting.
422
00:18:48,165 --> 00:18:51,836
- Well, we are organic.
423
00:18:51,903 --> 00:18:54,304
And lately with all the "pods"
424
00:18:54,371 --> 00:18:55,673
and "pads," I'm feeling
choked by technology.
425
00:18:55,740 --> 00:18:57,707
I even started getting
emails in my mind.
426
00:18:57,774 --> 00:18:59,742
- You know, I was working
on brain emails--
427
00:18:59,809 --> 00:19:02,680
I was gonna call them bmails--
at my company
428
00:19:02,747 --> 00:19:05,149
before I sold everything
to Microsoft.
429
00:19:05,216 --> 00:19:08,251
- My beautiful genius lover.
430
00:19:08,318 --> 00:19:11,122
- Oh, God.
- [laughs]
431
00:19:11,189 --> 00:19:13,591
♪ ♪
432
00:19:13,658 --> 00:19:15,593
- Sal.
433
00:19:15,660 --> 00:19:17,028
Hey, Sal.
434
00:19:17,095 --> 00:19:20,030
Sal, can I have the--
thank you.
435
00:19:20,097 --> 00:19:21,532
- Daddy, where's
the ladies' room?
436
00:19:21,599 --> 00:19:22,967
I need to drain
my lizard.
437
00:19:23,034 --> 00:19:25,002
- It's down to the right,
sweetheart.
438
00:19:25,069 --> 00:19:30,641
♪ ♪
439
00:19:30,708 --> 00:19:33,210
- Ah.
440
00:19:33,277 --> 00:19:35,580
I'm smitten, George.
- I can see that.
441
00:19:35,647 --> 00:19:38,115
But I have to be
straight with you
442
00:19:38,182 --> 00:19:39,249
about something.
443
00:19:39,316 --> 00:19:42,186
You are too old for Emily.
444
00:19:42,253 --> 00:19:44,388
- That's not true, George.
445
00:19:44,455 --> 00:19:46,890
No, life is being extended.
446
00:19:46,957 --> 00:19:48,458
Something is happening,
447
00:19:48,525 --> 00:19:50,895
especially for those of us
in the upper income brackets.
448
00:19:50,962 --> 00:19:54,131
Don't you feel
unusually young?
449
00:19:54,198 --> 00:19:55,966
- Yes, actually I do.
450
00:19:56,033 --> 00:19:57,768
But I'm talking about
my daughter.
451
00:19:57,835 --> 00:19:59,270
- So am I.
452
00:19:59,337 --> 00:20:03,040
I've fallen in love with Emily
and I want to marry her.
453
00:20:03,107 --> 00:20:04,441
I would like your permission.
454
00:20:04,508 --> 00:20:06,343
I want to be your son-in-law.
455
00:20:06,410 --> 00:20:08,812
- Marry?
Are you delusional?
456
00:20:08,879 --> 00:20:10,014
- Sometimes,
457
00:20:10,081 --> 00:20:11,615
but about this
I have clarity.
458
00:20:11,682 --> 00:20:14,751
- Well, what if I
were to say no?
459
00:20:14,818 --> 00:20:17,087
- I think you'd make
Emily terribly unhappy.
460
00:20:17,154 --> 00:20:18,790
She wanted me
to ask you first.
461
00:20:18,857 --> 00:20:20,925
Your approval
is very important to her.
462
00:20:20,992 --> 00:20:22,892
♪ ♪
463
00:20:22,959 --> 00:20:25,930
- Is this the kind of thing
that I could think about?
464
00:20:25,997 --> 00:20:29,401
♪ ♪
465
00:20:29,468 --> 00:20:32,604
[mysterious music]
466
00:20:32,671 --> 00:20:39,678
♪ ♪
467
00:20:54,759 --> 00:20:57,360
- Ah.
468
00:20:57,427 --> 00:21:00,064
What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna--
469
00:21:00,131 --> 00:21:06,871
♪ ♪
470
00:21:06,938 --> 00:21:09,139
Yes, can I please speak
to George Christopher?
471
00:21:09,206 --> 00:21:10,575
- Oh, Sal.
472
00:21:10,642 --> 00:21:12,776
I'm so upset
about my daughter.
473
00:21:12,843 --> 00:21:17,147
I'll have one more,
but that'll be the last one.
474
00:21:17,214 --> 00:21:19,451
- You have a phone call,
Mr. Christopher.
475
00:21:19,518 --> 00:21:21,451
- Oh, thank you, Richard.
476
00:21:21,518 --> 00:21:23,253
- It's Stephen,
Mr. Christopher.
477
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,223
- I don't know a Stephen.
- No, it's Jonathan.
478
00:21:26,290 --> 00:21:28,592
- Oh, sorry.
Thank you, Jonathan.
479
00:21:28,659 --> 00:21:31,829
Hello, Stephen.
- George?
480
00:21:31,896 --> 00:21:35,065
Hello, George?
481
00:21:35,132 --> 00:21:36,495
- Oh dear.
482
00:21:36,562 --> 00:21:37,569
Hello?
483
00:21:42,774 --> 00:21:44,809
[knocking]
- Police, open up.
484
00:21:44,876 --> 00:21:46,910
[knocking]
485
00:21:46,977 --> 00:21:48,613
- Not again.
486
00:21:54,419 --> 00:21:55,819
[knocking]
487
00:21:55,886 --> 00:21:59,724
Jonathan Ames, if you're
in there, open the door.
488
00:21:59,791 --> 00:22:02,727
[dramatic music]
489
00:22:02,794 --> 00:22:05,830
♪ ♪
490
00:22:05,897 --> 00:22:08,531
[horns honking]
491
00:22:08,598 --> 00:22:13,237
Jonathan Ames,
open the door.
492
00:22:13,304 --> 00:22:16,241
[tranquil music]
493
00:22:16,308 --> 00:22:21,112
♪ ♪
494
00:22:21,179 --> 00:22:22,446
- Leah, today with Spencer
495
00:22:22,513 --> 00:22:26,050
was one of the best days
of my life.
496
00:22:26,117 --> 00:22:28,518
I felt needed.
497
00:22:28,585 --> 00:22:30,555
It's like being with Jonathan,
but better.
498
00:22:30,622 --> 00:22:34,057
- Ray, that's beautiful.
499
00:22:34,124 --> 00:22:37,328
- It's different being a dad.
500
00:22:37,395 --> 00:22:39,163
Most of the time lately,
I feel like
501
00:22:39,230 --> 00:22:41,065
I've been sleepwalking
502
00:22:41,132 --> 00:22:42,134
my way through life.
503
00:22:44,803 --> 00:22:46,804
Like I really wasn't here,
you know?
504
00:22:46,871 --> 00:22:48,840
- That's how you feel
when you're with me?
505
00:22:48,907 --> 00:22:50,340
- No, not with you.
506
00:22:50,407 --> 00:22:51,876
I just only see you
at night
507
00:22:51,943 --> 00:22:53,510
now that you're
working most of the time.
508
00:22:53,577 --> 00:22:55,646
- So it's when you're alone
that you feel this way?
509
00:22:55,713 --> 00:22:59,778
- Yeah, but today I felt...
510
00:22:59,845 --> 00:23:02,419
completely awake,
511
00:23:02,486 --> 00:23:05,689
like my heart
was as big as the moon.
512
00:23:05,756 --> 00:23:07,920
I just love that little kid.
I'd do anything for him.
513
00:23:07,987 --> 00:23:10,360
- Ray, I'm so proud of you,
514
00:23:10,427 --> 00:23:12,462
and even if you feel lost
sometimes,
515
00:23:12,529 --> 00:23:14,097
you've been doing
a wonderful job
516
00:23:14,164 --> 00:23:15,365
running the house for me.
517
00:23:15,432 --> 00:23:17,634
- Yeah, I know.
I'm good at it.
518
00:23:17,701 --> 00:23:21,939
I guess I've become
a real Park Slope mom.
519
00:23:22,006 --> 00:23:24,543
- A hot Park Slope mom.
520
00:23:31,048 --> 00:23:32,917
Get the lube.
521
00:23:32,984 --> 00:23:34,384
- Really?
522
00:23:34,451 --> 00:23:35,452
Would you like me
to shower first?
523
00:23:35,519 --> 00:23:36,620
I know you like me
to be clean.
524
00:23:36,687 --> 00:23:39,757
- No, I'm ready now.
- I love you, Leah.
525
00:23:39,824 --> 00:23:46,831
♪ ♪
526
00:23:47,498 --> 00:23:48,733
Where is it?
527
00:23:50,801 --> 00:23:53,236
Oh yeah.
528
00:23:53,303 --> 00:23:56,774
[phone rings]
Oh, god.
529
00:23:56,841 --> 00:23:58,709
It's Jonathan.
This'll only take a second.
530
00:23:58,776 --> 00:24:02,646
No backing out!
[sighs]
531
00:24:02,713 --> 00:24:05,110
Jonathan, I don't appreciate
such a late phone call.
532
00:24:05,177 --> 00:24:07,818
Do you know
what time it is?
533
00:24:07,885 --> 00:24:09,421
- 11:15.
534
00:24:09,488 --> 00:24:11,822
No, actually 11:16!
535
00:24:11,889 --> 00:24:15,159
Ah!
536
00:24:15,226 --> 00:24:18,163
[suspenseful music]
537
00:24:18,230 --> 00:24:19,264
♪ ♪
538
00:24:19,331 --> 00:24:22,100
Ray.
539
00:24:22,167 --> 00:24:23,868
Help!
540
00:24:23,935 --> 00:24:30,943
♪ ♪
541
00:24:35,779 --> 00:24:38,916
["Trouble Comes Running"
by Spoon playing]
542
00:24:38,983 --> 00:24:40,953
♪ ♪
543
00:24:44,889 --> 00:24:49,126
- ♪ I was in
a functional way ♪
544
00:24:49,193 --> 00:24:51,461
♪ And I have my brown
sound jacket ♪
545
00:24:51,528 --> 00:24:54,899
♪ Queen of call collect
on my arm ♪
546
00:24:54,966 --> 00:24:58,402
♪ She was my calm-me-down ♪
547
00:24:58,469 --> 00:25:01,639
♪ She was
my good luck charm ♪
548
00:25:01,706 --> 00:25:03,306
♪ She was my good luck ♪
549
00:25:03,373 --> 00:25:07,412
♪ Here it come running,
here it come running again ♪
550
00:25:07,479 --> 00:25:10,147
♪ ♪
551
00:25:10,214 --> 00:25:12,316
♪ Trouble come running ♪
552
00:25:12,383 --> 00:25:16,087
♪ Here it come running again ♪
553
00:25:16,154 --> 00:25:17,822
♪ Here it come running ♪
554
00:25:17,889 --> 00:25:22,159
♪ Here it come
running again ♪
555
00:25:22,226 --> 00:25:24,095
♪ Running again ♪
556
00:25:24,162 --> 00:25:25,362
♪ ♪
557
00:25:25,429 --> 00:25:27,232
♪ Running again ♪
558
00:25:27,299 --> 00:25:28,633
♪ ♪
559
00:25:28,700 --> 00:25:31,535
♪ Running again ♪
560
00:25:31,602 --> 00:25:34,005
♪ Oh, running ♪
561
00:25:34,072 --> 00:25:36,308
♪ ♪
562
00:25:36,375 --> 00:25:38,944
[bright tone]
38265
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