All language subtitles for W1A - 03x05 - Episode 5.WEBRip.English.orig.Addic7ed.com

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Mix through, and cue on 2.

The BBC's announced the appointment
of ex-head of Olympic deliverance,

Ian Fletcher,
as its new Head Of Values.

Time now for the shipping forecast.

Superimpose.

Sure, OK, I get that.
I still get it. No, shut up.

Monday morning at the
BBC's London headquarters,

New Broadcasting House.
And already things are happening.

..what we do here, OK...
No, shut up.

What we do is we go straight to
Tamsin at IBS.

OK, yeah, Tasmin, whatever.
Like, she's the only one

who knows what's happening.

Like, the others are all
gap year, whatever.

So potentially serious are things
that Head of BBC Brand,

Siobhan Sharpe,
from communications giant FUN Media,

is on her way in physically
and at speed.

Yeah, OK, so, what SHE does is
she gets Claudia to tweet a denial.

Like, NOW. OK? Like,
"Strictly is my life," whatever.

And we retweet the shit out of it,

like, we totally take out social
media from the air, OK?

OK, no, shut up, I've got her.
I've got Tamsin coming at me.

Yeah, Tasmin, yeah, whatever.
OK, yeah, I've got to go.

Got to go, OK, OK. Bye.

Yeah. Hey, Tam-smin, how are you?

Good, yeah, I'm good, thanks.

So, according to
the BBC News app...

Don't blame me, OK?
No, I'm not, Neil, I'm just saying.

Apparently, they're offering her
a deal worth BLEEP million pounds

over two years. No, I'm sorry.
Thr... BLEEP million pounds?

The fact is that cannot happen.
That's what it says here.

No, I'm sorry. We're stuffed, then.
Meanwhile, upstairs,

what was supposed to be a Renewal
meeting mainly about something

called "distinctivity" has
spontaneously turned into

an emergency damage limitation
meeting, mostly about disaster.

Yes, apparently, it's a circus-based
show they're talking about.

Circus-based? Apparently,
they're rebooting

the Cirque de Celebrity format.

No, sure. Right.
Honestly. No, I'm sorry.

I mean, what is it with
shows in fucking tents? Well, yes.

Rumours have surfaced
on Twitter

that one of the BBC's biggest
faces and co-host

of Strictly Come Dancing,
Claudia Winkleman,

could be on the point of leaving
the BBC after being approached

by rival broadcaster Sk... BLEEP..y
to host a rival show of their own.

So, I'm on the Mail Online here, OK?

Right. Blimey. I know.

Anyway, apparently, a source close
to Tess Daly is saying that

if Claudia leaves Strictly, then
Tess will go, too, out of loyalty.

Right.
- OK, no. OK. I'm sorry. Loyalty to what, Lucy?

That can't happen. I don't know,
it doesn't say. Brilliant.

I'm not being negative or anything
but we are in

a very dark place here, guys.
Brilliant. No, I'm sorry, no.

With Charter
Renewal pending,

this is the worst possible time
to be facing the prospect

of a BBC devoid of competitive
celebrity dancing of any kind.

OK, well, look, the key thing is
that everybody remains calm, and...

OK. So, hey, guys. Ah, right,
Siobhan. OK, let's do this, OK?

Yes. Let's nail this beaver to the tree.

Chronologically, Siobhan may have arrived late
to the meeting but, in other ways,

she's already ahead of both herself
and everybody else.

OK, so, I spoke with Claudia's
agent. Right. Brilliant.

So, here's the thing with this,
here's what it is, OK?

So, Claudia loves Strictly,
she loves the BBC, whatever. Hurrah.

Yes, exactly. But the thing
with Claudia is that she wants,

like, a change of direction at this
point in her bla-di-blah, whatever.

Right. A change of...
No, still me. Right. Yes.

So, Claudia's like, um,
"I want to do serious shit."

You know, like people dying,
whatever.

And Sk... BLEEP..y are, like,
"You know, that's cool, you can

"totally do that as well.

"Like, you can
do whatever you want plus

"we'll pay you like a sh... BLEEP
load of money at the same time."

So, when... So, she's like,
"OK, I need headspace here.

"Like, I need to be in Cornwall,"
whatever. Right. Brilliant.

So, the headline is
Claudia's in Cornwall at the moment

thinking it over? Excuse me?
Right, OK...

OK, the headline, OK, is "Claudia
Winkleman leaves Strictly." OK?

We've pretty much crashed the BBC.
No, I'm sorry. Well, that's one way

of looking at it, obviously.
It totally is. OK, but...

You're going to say something
brilliant now, aren't you?

Yes. No. No, you are,
I can feel it in my bones.

No, but before we get locked
into the idea of this being some

kind of problem,
is it worth stepping back

and looking at the positives for a
moment? Really? The positives? Yes.

And yet. Blimey. I mean, for one
thing, it looks as though

this might not actually be about
money. Well, that's handy

cos we haven't got any money.
Well, exactly.

So, that's a good fit straight away.

As Head Of Values
and chair of the Renewal Group,

the ability to think the sort
of thoughts under pressure that

no-one else would even
think of thinking is

one of Ian Fletcher's
distinguishing characteristics.

And we know she's at a point where
she's looking for a change

of direction, maybe perhaps to be
taken a bit more seriously. Sure.

But, if you think about what
we were supposed to be

talking about this morning...
Right. Yes. No, sure. Brilliant.

Just remind me? The distinctivity
audit. Oh, yeah, great.

As part of the
Charter Renewal process,

the BBC has been invited to spend
time conducting a special

distinctivity audit of all
the ways in which its output is

different from anything else
you've ever seen.

It's a question of identifying
anything we might have

in development that's uniquely BBC,
which is

why I asked Matt to join us
here for this, as Head Of Output.

Yeah, no, sure. Hey, guys. Yeah.
But what if what Claudia wants

and what we're looking for turn out
to be exactly the same thing?

Blimey. Sure.
No, I get that. That could work.

Cos if we are looking at a
solution and not a problem here,

we could be looking at a solution
of truly epic proportions.

No, really, Ian,
don't take this the wrong way

but this is where we all kind of
want to hug you. Sure. Well... No.

You the man. Yes, exactly.
No, really. Just to say

you're safe with me, OK? Yes, good.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the building,

development executive Izzy Gould is
busy thinking about ideas. Hi.

Oh, hi, how are you? So, have you
seen this? No, what?

No, I thought not.

But although she may not
know it yet

she's about to realise that she
may well be involved

in enough developments
already for the moment.

Oh, Jesus, no. Yeah.
When did this...?

I don't know, I just saw it now. No!
It's already trending. Shit!

It's not good news.

After Hugh Grant was asked
for a selfie on a recent visit to

New Broadcasting House,
his people have decided to become

incensed that he was misled
into endorsing an online campaign

for a BBC product
when he thought he was just giving

a selfie to a slightly unusual
but apparently harmless intern.

OK, so, first of all, it's nothing
to do with me, OK? What?

Like, it wasn't my idea.
No, I know it wasn't... But also...

It was mine! No. It was my idea.

No, I knew you'd say that,
that's why I came up here.

In the circumstances,
they're demanding not only that his

image be immediately removed from
the campaign, but that the BBC make

a charitable donation of £1,475,000
to the Worldwide Wildlife Fund.

A pound for every YouTube hit
so far. OK, OK...

OK, so this is really serious, OK?
I know! Like, it's really serious.

I know it is! OK, but it isn't your
fault. What do you mean,

it wasn't my fault?
Of course it's my fault.

OK, you're panicking. I'm not
panicking. Of course I'm panicking.

Whose idea was it...

to ask Hugh Grant for a selfie?

OK, no. Was it your idea? No, I'm
sorry, I'm not doing that. You can.

You absolutely have to.
I'm not, I can't! I can't do that.

I mean, basically,
what we're talking about is

the sort of programmes you wouldn't
see other broadcasters making. Yeah.

Exactly. Really? The sort of thing
no-one's going to watch.

No, I'm talking about the sort
of thing only the BBC can do.

Yeah, that's what I just said,
isn't it? Very good.

Back in Renewal,

it's becoming clear that coming up
with a list of distinctively BBC

projects currently in development
might not be as easy as it sounds.

Sorry, what's this? Right, OK,
Simon, do you want to...?

Oh, yes, no, sorry, Lucy, sorry,
Ian, brilliant,

it's just a card for Ben and Jerry,
that's all. Right. A leaving card?

Yes. Right. Oh, I know. Who knew
they weren't here? Brilliant. Who?

Obviously I've no idea how these
things work, but what's happened...

In the meantime, it seems
that after interviewing

both Ben and Jerry for a new single
post, it's been decided that,

in the spirit of more of less,
the new post itself is to be

reimagined as not existing
going forward.

..reimagined as not existing,
going forward.

"Reimagined as not existing?"
Exactly. It's terribly bad luck.

If it's any help, Lucy,
I didn't know what to put,

so in the end I put best of luck,
guys.

I don't know if that helps.
Yes, I'm not sure. No, probably not.

Right, OK, well. Yes,
so, anyway. Yes, exactly, yes.

More of less issues aside,

Ian's challenge now is to marshal
his remaining troops towards

an outcome that could just solve
the BBC's distinctivity issues and

its Claudia Winkleman problem in one
joint solution to end all solutions.

So, yes, I mean, have we actually
GOT anything in development?

Yes, exactly,
have we actually got anything?

Yeah, sure that's great. So, I
guess, something to think about it

at this point, I mean, I don't know,
I may be wrong about this is genre.

Right. Brilliant. Genre?
I'm just putting it out there. Yes.

So, I guess what I'm asking,
is it worth thinking, you know,

what area are we in here?
Drama, factual, scripted...? Yes.

Also just in terms of reach, is
it...? OK, OK. I'm so bored of this.

Bored? Yeah, like hashtag -
face down in my soup. Well...

So, like, here's the thing
with this, OK?

So, like,
this is not a safety drill, OK?

The engines are like, totally on
fire here. Brilliant.

No, I'm sorry. Yes. The cabin just
filled with smoke. No, not that.

OK, so what you need to do is you
guys need to get into a BBC taxi

to Cornwall like, now, and you
need to lovebomb Claudia to death.

Well, that's...
A BBC taxi to Cornwall?

Sure, or else you guys are flying
a stone turkey one way

to oblivionsville here. Right.
Yes, no, brilliant, very clear.

It's March, and
light returns to the high Arctic,

sweeping away
four months of darkness.

A polar bear stirs.

She has been in her den
the whole winter.

Her emergence marks the beginning
of spring.

After months of confinement
underground, she toboggans

down the slope, perhaps to clean
her fur, perhaps for sheer joy.

Whoa.

Will... Her cubs gaze out at
their bright new world

for the very first time.
Will. Hey, hey, Izzy.

Yeah, how are you?
I'm good, thanks. I'm good.

Cool. Yeah, so I'm watching this
for Ian Fletcher. Yes.

Yeah, pretty cool. Yes. David
Attenborough's such a cool guy.

Yes, he is, yes.
I don't want to bother you...

No worries, yeah, cool.
But I just...

With the whole super selfie thing...
Yeah, I know, mental. Well, no...

I don't know, like, a million hits.
I didn't even know who he was. No.

But when you spoke to him, when you
actually asked him to say "Me"...

Yeah? Did you tell him
what it was for?

Yeah, I don't know. I definitely
told him it was for you.

For me? Yeah.

OK, that's great, Will,
thanks. OK, cool.

Yeah, so, people think polar bears
can't smell underwater.

It's, like no, they totally can.
Yes. There's this bit...

Actually, Will,
I'd better get off. OK.

But, thanks, that's been really
helpful. No worries.

Yeah, no worries, yeah. Cool.

OK, what about, and stay with me on
this, OK, guys, but what about

Claudia Winkleman's History Of The
Elephant. Right.

History of the elephant? I know what
you're thinking, a bit left-field.

That is what I was thinking.

Meanwhile,
it's tomorrow morning,

and Head Of Output Matt Taverner
has gathered together

some of his finest brains
for an important meeting.

But, also, it's like, a dead
serious subject for Claudia... Sure.

Cos they have, like, their own
funerals and everything, you know?

Sure, that's great. I get where
you're coming from

with the History Of thing.
But I don't know.

I guess what I'm asking... I
guess... Part of my job is to...

Their mission is to
come up with programme ideas

that might address Claudia
Winkleman's need

to be taken more seriously whilst
also addressing the BBC's

distinctivity and Charter Renewal
issues in one fell swoop.

Or is there something out there
that might give us distinctive

and serious and, I don't know,
quirky and Hinterland in one hit...

Yes...where the idea of BBCness

is kind of a cold open and a leave
behind at the same time?

Right. Yes. Yes. Do you know what,

Matt, that's really interesting,
Matt.

What about, is there something...?

OK. Claudia Winkleman's
History Of Water. OK. Water?

I don't know, it's like more
BBC somehow. No, sure.

I don't know, do you not think
it's a bit dry for Claudia? Dry?

Sure. She's so gorgeous. The History
Of Water? Well, no, yes,

I see what you're saying.
OK, so maybe we should...

Claudia Winkleman's History Of
Fruit. Yeah. No, OK.

We should go past the whole History
Of thing. Yeah. Yes.

OK, well, if it's BBCness
we're talking about,

then what about On Your Bike, then?

Ooh, now. OK. On Your Bike? Yes.
You're joking.

In its original format,
I mean. Sure.

You know, as a serious, proper
chat show for Claudia but, just,

you know, on wheels. No, sure.

Cos the thing about that was,
like I kept trying to say,

was it's so BBC. Genius. I don't
believe this.

Really interesting. My God, Izzy.

Yeah, no, sure, Izzy, that's great.

It's the end of the day,
and a number of people

are already gathering in the shared
experience space

for a special ceremony
to celebrate the end

of Ben and Jerry's time at the BBC.

I'm not being funny or anything but
I can't be doing with goodbyes. No.

No. No. Maybe it's my childhood or
something,

but they always end up
getting to me in the end.

Yes, no, very good, Tracey.
They've been with the BBC

from their arrival as junior
research executives

all the way through to their
departure as people

whose jobs no longer exist.

So it's appropriate that a block
of an entire hour has been booked

out on the Syncopati
space booking system

in order to speed them on their way.
Yes, anyway, is someone

going to say something?
Yes, sorry, about what?

About Ben and Jerry? Oh, yes, of
course. That's brilliant. No, no...

Now, listen, you'll know how you
want to deal with it...

No, I wasn't... Yes, exactly.
But the good news is

we've got them these as a surprise.

Right, what are they?
It's interesting, isn't it?

We don't even know what we've got
them? I mean,

I've no idea how these things work,
but I suppose that's part

of the surprise, is it?
Yes, probably. Genius.

Ben and Jerry's
unexpected departure

may herald the dawn of a new
more of less era for the BBC,

even though no-one really knows
what that means.

But if there's a new feeling
of uncertainty in the air,

it seems that Lucy has decided
that she might as well after all

apply for the new post of
Head Of Empowerment, even though

no-one really knows what that means
either. I won't get it, obviously.

No, it's really good. Is it? I don't
know. I was going to ask you,

though I probably shouldn't be
asking you this, but do you know

if Anna's on the panel? Anna?
It's fine if you don't want to...

No, no, it's fine. I don't think
she is, no. Right.

I mean, nobody tells me anything,
obviously, but, as far as I'm aware,

she's not, no. Right.
You're not on it? Me? No.

Cos, I mean, right... Thank God!
Yes. Anyway, if I was, I suppose

I'd have to declare an interest,
wouldn't I?

Right. I mean... Yes. No, yes. Yes.

OK. OK, thank you. Thank you.

Brilliant. Yes, no, very good.

Who was it who said life is
a series of letting go? Anyway...

Do you know what, Simon, I want to

say Elton John. Brilliant.
Elton John?

What do I know? But, no, a moment to
say a few words about

why we're all here, of course, and
not just any old words, either.

Ladies and gentlemen,
current Head Of Values

and all-round Captain Renewal
himself, Ian Fletcher.

Right, yes. I mean, thanks, Simon.
Hurrah. So, yes...

As Simon very much says,
here we are. Hurrah.

So, what to say about Ben and Jerry
that hasn't been said before?

I might as well be honest and
confess that when I first arrived,

a bit like with Ant and Dec,

I wasn't completely confident
about which one was which.

Shame. Shame. Brilliant.

But it didn't take me
long to realise that,

just like with Ant and Dec,
it doesn't actually matter. Hurrah.

In the end, that's not the point.
The point is they both share

the ability to make whatever

it is they do look genuinely easy
whilst at the same time making

everyone around them look better
than they would have done otherwise.

Yes. And that's a very rare quality
to have. Yes, it is.

And, with that in mind,
we've got you these,

just as a token really, of...

Well, really of everything we feel
and have felt about you

in the past and will continue to
feel, of course,

in the future, as you seek out
different challenges

in new places
with very different outcomes.

Brilliant. Yes, no, very good.

So I'd ask us all to join me
in raising a toast to Ben and Jerry.

Ben and Jerry. To moving onwards.
- Moving onwards.

Brilliant. So, that's all good.

It's another day at New
Broadcasting House,

but not just any other day.

Claudia! Oh, hi.

Today is Winkleman day.
Claudia, Claudia, Claudia.

What can I say?
Welcome to the pleasure dome.

After wide-ranging
discussions between her agent

and the BBC, Claudia Winkleman
has agreed to come in

and talk about On Your Bike
as a potential vehicle for her,

and Simon Harwood himself is on hand
in reception in order

to take her as seriously
as possible.

I'm so sorry,
I'm really embarrassed about this,

but I don't think I actually know
your name. Oh, no, God! Sorry.

No, of course, yes, listen, why
would you? I wouldn't be

bothered with it myself if it wasn't
for going to the doctors, and so on.

Right. Simon. Simon? Simon Harwood,
Director Of... I don't know,

Strategic Governance or something
like that. OK.

This is Tasmin. Hi. My agent. Yes,
of course, welcome, Tasmin. Yes.

Listen, I know we haven't met but,
honestly, I feel like I want

to thank you for making our lives
that much brighter with,

you know with...
Yes. Thanks. So, shall we go up?

Yes, of course, no, yes, very good.
So, for what it's worth,

I suppose I'd better get you guys
signed in.

So, we signed in. Right. Brilliant.
Yes. I've done that.

We were waiting to be collected.
Ah! Fabulous.

I tell you what, she's not your
agent for nothing, Claudia, is she?

No. Shall we go through,
straight through the doors?

So, buckle up, guys, we've got
Claudia inbound. Right.

Where is everybody? Who?

She's coming at us. Yes. I don't
know. Where's Matt?

Matt? Yes. Yes, no, I don't know.
Meanwhile, upstairs,

preparations for the crucial meeting
are taking some kind of shape.

It's to be chaired by Head Of Output
Matt Taverner, who isn't here.

Oh, my God. Right, OK. What?

Have you not heard? Heard what? No.
He's gone. Who has?

No, shut up, David, please.
Oh, my God. I don't know.

With the winds of change
blowing through the BBC, it looks as

if one of the really big trees might
have been blown over completely.

OK, so, guys, Matt Taverner is not
going to be coming to the meeting,

I'm afraid. Right. He's gone. Yes.

Bummer. What do you mean, he's gone?

I don't know. He's gone to Netflix.
He's gone to Netflix, yes. No way!

What do you mean, he's gone to
Netflix? What, for a meeting?

No, he's gone. Right, OK.
Matt Taverner's gone Netflix! Cool.

We're announcing it later this
morning. It's, like, oh, my God!

We LOVE Netflix. We've been given
a statement to put out. I mean,

do you know anything about this,
Anna? This? Yes. When? What? No.

OK, where's Simon?
I don't know. No, right.

You're mad. You're actually mad. It
wasn't his fault. What? It was mine.

What is it with him?

Elsewhere in the building,
Jack Patterson

and Izzy Gould have taken some
time out to have an argument.

It was my fault for not bringing him
up to speed with all of the...

You know, all of the issues
beforehand.

There's no speed slow enough
for that guy to be brought up to.

With the BBC facing a demand
that it makes a £1.5 million

charitable donation to
the Worldwide Wildlife Fund

following its misuse of the
film star Hugh Grant's image,

Izzy has been asked to write
a formal report on the incident

for urgent submission to BBC
director-general Tony Hall's office.

OK, so I'm going to tell them,
if you won't. No. I'm not going

to let you do this. This has nothing
to do with you.

It has nothing to do with you,
either.

It's too important, it's all wrong.

But, meanwhile, at the same time,
unbeknown to Izzy, Jack,

or anyone else, Will Humphries
is out on the streets of London

on a secret mission of his own.

Using virtually all
of his initiative, he's come to

a small recording studio in Soho
in pursuit of the kind of solution

to the Hugh Grant crisis
that only he could have thought of.

'Yeah, hi?' Yeah, hi, yeah,
it's Will Humphries? 'Right...'

So, I'm personal assistant
Ian Fletcher. 'Ian Fletcher?'

He's, like,
Head Of Values at the BBC. 'OK.'

Yeah, hi, yeah?
Hiya, how can I help? Yeah.

Can I speak to David Attenborough?
David Attenborough?

Yeah. Right. Yeah, cos he's doing,
like, I don't know, recording stuff,

like, for Fragile Planet Earth. OK.
Yeah, cos I found out. OK.

Do you want to take a seat?

OK, yeah, no worries. Cool.

Here we go, here they are,
The A-Team. Right.

So, guys, look who I found
in reception. Yes, exactly. Hi.

Meanwhile, back at New
Broadcasting House,

Simon has finally met and greeted
Claudia Winkleman

all the way up to the sixth floor.
No, but, listen, have fun

and just remember that everything's
possible in the best

of all possible worlds.
Yes, exactly. Genius.

OK, right. Good-oh. This is going
to be so fun. Yes, Simon. Yes?

With the introductions
overdone, it's time for the serious

business to begin, but Ian is
becoming aware that the Claudia

Winkleman issue may not be the only
BBC story unfolding this morning.

What's happening? Yes, in terms
of...? Matt Taverner not here.

God, yes, no. Apparently, he's gone
to Netflix. It's turning into

one of those mornings, isn't it? How
come everybody else seems to know

about this apart from me? Yes, no,
very good. I tell you what,

why don't you just pop by when
you've got a minute and maybe

we can just...maybe we can just
have a bit of a general catch-up.

Yes. Righty ho. Yes, good.

Cos, in the end, and this is just
a thought I had, OK, but, basically,

imagine Carpool Karaoke but serious
with no singing and on a bike.

Right. Yes. We love serious.
Yes, exactly. Genius.

At last, after all the
build-up,

Operation Winkleman's
finally underway.

No, I think in many ways I think
it's a shame Izzy Gould

couldn't be with us this morning.
Yes.

Because she's the one who developed
this. Yes, no, lovely Izzy.

In the unavoidable absence
of Head Of Output Matt Taverner

to make the pitch for On Your Bike
as the perfect BBC vehicle

for Claudia, and no shortage of
others willing to step into

his cleats and run with the idea,
it's important that someone

takes control to steer
the meeting onto solid ground.

We've always looked on this
as almost a classical BBC idea. Yes.

Sure. You know, going right back to
informing, educating...

No, sure, so that's when we
had our Ulrika moment. Yes. Sorry?

No, I think...

Claudia would totally kill in, like,
a chat show kind of vibe. OK.

Like, she's basically Michael Palin
in heels, right? Michael Palin?

Yes. Stop it! Do you mean Michael
Parkinson? Yes. No, sure, whatever.

I mean, it's a no-brainer. So, just
to save time, Claudia has actually

read the treatment. Have you really,
Claudia? Yes, I have. Yes. Genius.

Shall we just tell you what she
likes about it and we can

start from there? Yes, I think
that's a really...

Yes, exactly.
No, sure, I'm good with that.

Meanwhile, across town,

Will's secret operation
is still active.

Hi. Oh, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah.

Hi, I'm Tony Dixon,
producer of Fragile Planet Earth.

Yeah, I know, Fragile Planet Earth,
yeah. The bonobos are mental.

Yeah, cool. Yes, I gather you're
wanting to speak to Sir David.

Yeah, cool, yeah,
Sir David, yeah, cool.

Yeah, can I ask, is this
something he knows about?

Sir David? Yeah. No. Right. No, cos
that's why I need to see him.

It's really important. Yeah. I mean,
I don't want to disappoint you.

No, me neither. But I've got to say,
we're actually really busy today.

Yeah, me too. Really up against it.

So I don't think I can ask him to
come out of the session

for something unscheduled like this.
OK. I'm really sorry. That's OK.

I mean, you could maybe
try his agent's e-mail.

Maybe go down that route.
No, that's OK. I'll wait.

Yeah. I should say to you that
I have no idea what time the session

will actually finish. OK, cool.

But I do know,
one thing I know for certain,

is that he's not coming out of there
for a very, very long time. OK.

And I can't give you any assurance
that he'll speak to you

when he does. OK, cool.
Thanks.

Right. OK.

So, Claudia gets a show
and we all get the Fit With Claudia,

so I'm going to put those in
the positive column. Yes, exactly.

Cool. Yeah. Tick. Cos I've sort of
done celebrity, I've done fluffing.

Right, yes.
I know, tell me about it.

Back at New Broadcasting
House, it appears as if

things might be going better than
anyone expected

on a difficult morning for the BBC.

So, you probably know Claudia's
being asked to look at

a lot of stuff at the moment.
Of course, yes. Exactly.

Sure.
- But appearances can be deceptive.

One of the things that
works about this for Claudia

is that there's nothing else like it
out there at the moment. Well, yes.

No way. Exactly. It's being sold
to us as a stand-alone proposition.

Sure. Yes, exactly, yes.

So, I think this is an opportunity
for you to be upfront with us

about that. Right.

I'm sorry, I think you're going to
have to help us with that, Tasmin.

Claudia has heard that
the BBC is developing

a very similar idea to On Your Bike
for its daytime schedules

with Amanda Holden as presenter.

Amanda Holden? Yes.
OK, no, I'm sorry. Lovely Amanda.

The fact is, no, I'm sorry.

I mean, feel free to correct me,
anyone, but I'm pretty sure

I can say with some confidence that
that's not true. Yes, exactly. OK.

Yay. Just out of interest, Claudia,
where did you hear that?

From Amanda. Right. The Amanda?
Yes.

It's starting to look as
if either Claudia's apparent

intelligence is fake or someone
from within the BBC has been

quietly developing an almost
identical show

to On Your Bike without
telling anyone.

Amanda Holden's Cycling Shorts
or something.

Amanda Holden's Cycling Shorts?
OK, no, I'm sorry. Right, yes...

I mean, I love Amanda, we get on
really well and everything...

Do you know what, can I just say
that's really interesting, Tasmin.

Right, OK. Bummer.

Hey. Hi, yeah. How can I help?
Yeah, cos I was wondering

if you know how much longer Sir
David Attenborough will be? Right.

It's cool, I don't mind waiting.
I think you might have missed him,

I'm afraid. Missed him? Yeah, cos
the session's actually over.

No, but I've been here
all the time. Yeah, I know.

Like, I haven't even been to the
toilet. Yeah, there's, like,

a back entrance. Right.

I'm guessing they probably went out
that way. OK. I'm sorry. OK, cool.

Back at New Broadcasting
House, it's the end of a day

which has left Head Of Values
Ian Fletcher

with some things he'd like to talk
to Head Of Strategic Governance

Simon Harwood about.
Such as what the hell is going on.

Ah, yes, brilliant. Is this a good
time? Yes, no, brilliant.

Come on in.
- Luckily, Simon himself is still in his office,

busy putting a positive gloss
on things.

Yes, I mean, I don't know
what it is,

but five minutes with your saddle

at the end of the day... Yes.
..just clears the pipes somehow.

Yes. Yes, no, jolly good.
Shall we sit soft?

No, thanks. No, OK.
I'm happy standing hard.

Yes, no, jolly good.

Do you want to take that?
No. No, OK, fine.

Well, no, listen, I've no idea how
this more of less stuff works

and you'll know how you want
to feel about it...

It seems that the BBC is
shortly to announce a major

senior management simplification
which follows

the pattern of encouraging
more staff to apply for fewer jobs

by abolishing the ones
they've already got.

In this case, the existing
posts of Head Of Output,

Director Of Better, and
Head Of Values are to be abolished

and replaced by a single new post of
Director Of Purpose, going forward.

..Director Of Purpose, going
forward. Director Of Purpose?

Yes, no, I mean, I guess,
essentially, it's a pretty

simple idea. Is it? Well, I guess it
would be, with the simplification,

wouldn't it? Right, OK. Do you know,
I'm going to put these down.

I feel a bit of a fool standing
here like this.

How long have you known about this,
Simon? No, I know, brilliant.

Frankly, it's pretty much
a full-time job just keeping up

with things, these days, isn't it?
I mean, really. Does Anna know?

Ah, yes, now, with Anna...
Obviously, Matt knew.

Yes, now, with that, listen,
I've no idea how Anna works. No.

And what happens if
I don't apply for it?

Ah, now, no, I can't hear that.
What? I can't hear it. Say you will.