All language subtitles for W1A - 03x02 - Episode 2.RiVER.English.orig.Addic7ed.com

Obviously the danger is, if he's
actively excluded from appearing

on Match Of The Day, that could read
as an example of prejudice.

And, Ryan, I know you were
less than impressed with

some of Southampton's defending.

- Yeah, I was Gary, yeah, I was.
- Right.

I think we're at a point now where
we can say with some confidence

that he is naturally crap.

- I've had some times in this, I have.
- Too dull for Match Of The Day?

I mean, what is that?

It's not even a shape, it's just like a pointy line.

- It's just something he's got in him.
- Right, yes.
- Right.

We are starting to take heavy incoming on this

in the press office already.

I'm sorry, but for me,

you're not going to win games
at this level with pointy lines, Gary.

Stand by, two... Mix through, cue on two.

The BBC's announced the appointment

of ex-head of Olympic deliverance Ian Fletcher

as its new Head of Values.

Time now for the shipping forecast.

Superimpose.

NARRATOR: It's 8.30 in the morning

on another in a series of relentlessly big days

for the BBC at its New Broadcasting House
central command centre

in central London.

Ah, yes, hi, guys.

- Yep.
- Yep.
- Morning.

Yeah, hey, yeah.

Don't stand there, just come on in.

Have a seat. Er, no, listen, have two.

Make yourself at home.

This morning, Head of Strategic
Governance Simon Harwood

has arrived to find people already
waiting to see him.

It's very much the way things are
going to be from now on.

I don't know about you, but these days
I'm just grateful

to have a bike to ride and
some legs to ride it with.

As part of the BBC's major new More of Less initiative,

junior executives Ben and Jerry
have discovered that they're going

to be given the opportunity to apply
for their own jobs.

The total of which has been revised
downwards going forward

from the current figure of two
to a new total of one.

I mean, er, you're going to know how
you'll want to feel about this

and I've no idea how these things work,
but I don't know,

for what it's worth, erm, maybe
if you were to think of yourselves

as either Ben or Jerry instead
of Ben and Jerry going forward.

- Yep.
- Uh-huh.

I mean, I dunno, does that help?

OK, but it's like what you guys
have got to realise is...

No, I'm sorry, Siobhan.

- OK, it's like no-one has, like, agenda any more.
- What?!

- Uh...
- I mean, that's just like, what even is that?
Just get over it.

- Brilliant.
- By nine o'clock, the day's damage
limitation meeting is

well under way.

Er, wait a moment. Where's it gone?

I had it a moment ago. Er, right, OK, erm,

"Just iPlayered Ryan Chelford on MOTD.

"OMG, fabulous, Claudia Winkleman
with stubble. Keep it fluid.

"#FootballSexy #LGBTFuture."

- Right.
- Cool.

So that's a new one, then, is it, Lucy?
I haven't seen that one.

- David Walliams.
- Oh, right.

- David Walliams.
- David Walliams, yeah.
- Yes, that makes sense.

It's always a packed programme,
but top of the agenda by some way

this morning is the issue of
ex-Premier League footballer

and would-be Match Of The Day
pundit Ryan Chelford.

OK, right, here we go.

"WTF, BBC, I thought Robbie Savage was crap,

"but this guy's in a league of his own."

- Right.
- "Doesn't matter what he wears,
he's still going to be crap."

- OK.
- "MOTD's shit anyway."

- Yes, so.
- Brilliant.

- And then droopy face.
- Yes, well.

And just out of interest, who is that, Tracy?

- That's actually Gary Lineker.
- Oh, OK.

- Yes.
- Right.
- Gary Lineker, yep.
- Interesting.
- Gary Lineker, yep.

Since his trial appearance
as a pundit on a midweek

Match Of The Day FA Cup
Third Round Highlights package,

reaction on social media has been
almost universally divided.

No, I mean, listen, you guys'll know
how you want to handle this

and who knows quite which way
Tony swings, football wise.

- No.
- But for what it's worth,

I did snatch a quick macchiato moment
with him this morning.

- Oh, right?
- He's just back from a mindfulness
weekend in Somerset,

which was apparently really rather wonderful.

- Right.
- Oh...
- No, but for what it's worth,
his thought on this, what

with charter renewal and so forth,
is that it might be rather smart to

get this whole thing sorted before
the Fiona Craig visit next week.

- Well, yes. - Yes, because...

Yes, exactly.

Next week, the very senior
civil servant with responsibility

for charter renewal negotiations
from the Department of Culture,

Media and for some reason also Sport,

is due to make an initial visit

to New Broadcasting House in order
to see a normal morning at the BBC.

Just to say, before we go any further,

just to confirm everyone's OK with
the change of date for that?

- Yep.
- Yep.
- Yes, thank you, Ian.
- Er...
- No, sure, I'm good with that.

Yes, exactly, yes.

It looks like she'll be with us from
about 10 o'clock onwards.

- 10 o'clock.
- 10 o'clock, yeah.
- 10 o'clock.

- Yes, no, brilliant. Bring it on.
- Change of date.
- Yes.

- Yes, it's Tuesday now, Lucy.
- Right.
- Tuesday.
- Tuesday.
- Tuesday.

Why? Is that...

That's the morning Ryan Chelford's coming in, isn't it?

- Right. - Yes, it is, yes.

- Right. OK.
- Coming in where?
- Well, in here.
- Here?!

- Yes.
- Ah, no.
- Great.
- Why?
- Perfect.

- Well, basically...
- What for?

- We've asked him in to talk about the way forward.
- Who has?
- Well...
- You have?

- Well, no...
- The way forward?
- Yes.
- That can't happen.

Oh, bloody hell!

As the person responsible for liaising
between the BBC

and whoever the Minister for Culture,
Media and also Sport

happens to be, it's crucial that everything
goes smoothly on the day

of Fiona Craig's visit, regardless
of how unusual that would be.

The thing is we've moved Ryan
three times already.

- Well great, move him again. - Yes, exactly.

- He'll be getting the hang of it by now.
- Cool.

The other way to look at this is,
what she's expecting

- to see, what she's hoping for anyway,
is basically a normal morning.
- Brilliant.

- Normal?
- Yes.
- Christ.

Perhaps it would be good for her
to be here when Ryan Chelford comes in.

- Good.
- After all, here we are, talking about
how best to welcome

a cross-dressing presenter into
the BBC Sport family.

- OK. Let's do this.
- As long as we're clear about what
our position is on this, obviously.

- Yes.
- Right.
- Brilliant.

Yes, exactly. What is our position on it?

- Me?
- Yes.

- Well, I mean no-one's really... - Oh, right, OK.

- - Brilliant.
- Great. - All right, OK, here we go.

This is me on my bike.

This is me on my bike.

This is me on my bike.

Meanwhile elsewhere,

Jack has got something he's keen
to show Izzy, David and Will.

- This is me on my bike.
- This is me on my bike.

This is me on my bike.

He's been working on a short
taster version of what would

otherwise have been Will's original idea
for On Your Bike,

to show to Director of Better,
Anna Rampton, as a potential

flagship show for soon to be launched
new online platform BBC Me.

This is me on my bike!

- Anyway, so.
- It's genius, Jack.

- It's 90 seconds.
- It's like brilliance on wheels.

Or there's like a 70-second cut,
which might be better.

- "Cycle Shorts."
- Well, yeah, I dunno.

- "Cycle Shorts."
- It felt a bit more now than
On Your Bike somehow.

- Right.
- "Free The Selfie."

- BBCme.com
- Unbelievable.
- What?

So what, you just went off and did this?

Well, yeah. I mean, not personally, obviously.

- But you...
- I don't know anyone who owns a bike.

You went off and did it, you didn't say anything...

- Hang on, Jesus, Will?!
- What?

- Yeah.
- That's you.

Yeah, no. Yeah, no.

Yeah, hey. This is me on my bike.

But this is... I mean, what is going on here?!

- What's going on? - What's going on? Yeah. No.

I mean, is there perhaps a home for him

somewhere else in the world of BBC Sport?

- OK, Strictly.
- No.

- What?
- It's got to be some kind of sport, Siobhan.

- Yes.
- So how is that not a sport?

Given the strong reactions provoked
by Ryan Chelford's Match

Of The Day appearance and given
the complex and sensitive issues

involved, the problem for the BBC
is that they don't know what to do.

What we're looking for is something
that isn't literally

Match Of The Day,
but at the same time very much plays

to his strengths as... you know, as a presenter.

- Brilliant. Cool.
- Right.

- What strengths?
- Well...
- He hasn't got any strengths, has he?

- OK, Celebrity Big Brother.
- No.
- It's perfect.

The fact is that's a Channel 4 show anyway.

- Well, it...
- Channel 4, yep.
- Yep, Channel 4.

- Channel 4.
- Yep.
- Yes, well...

- Actually, I think that's Channel 5 now, isn't it?
- Yeah. Yep.
- Yes, I think so.

- Channel 5, yeah.
- Yes, exactly.
- Channel 5.

- Channel 5, yeah.
- Yes, we seem to have gone a bit off piste somehow.

- I totally have.
- We really...
- I mean, you want to be the best duck hunter,
you go where the ducks are.

- Brilliant.
- The ducks?
- What?!
- And you take the hoisin sauce with you.

- Brilliant.
- Fuck's sake.

- I mean, this probably wouldn't work, but...
- No.

but, what about something like
A Question Of Sport?

- All right, OK.
- A Question Of Sport.

- Well...
- No, I'm sorry.
- As I say, it's probably not...
- Exactly.

- Well, no, hang on.
- Hallelujah!

So, what is that? I don't even know what that is.

Well, it's one way of burying him forever for sure.

- It's like a quiz show, Siobhan.
- OK.

But it's about sport.

- Oh, so, what, it's an actual show?
- Yes, it's on every week with Sue...

Cool, no, no, sure. I get this, yeah.

- That's really interesting, isn't it?
- We love quiz shows.

- You mean as a regular team captain?
- No.
- Well, I don't know. I...

No, I'm sorry, the fact is there already
are two team captains for that show.

- Yeah.
- Yes.
- Yes, just remind me.

- Matt...
- Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell.
- Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell.
- Yeah.

- Right, yes.
- Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell.

Despite Anna's reservations about
Lucy's idea, there's a feeling

in the room that she may perhaps
have put her finger on something.

- OK! - Cool.

- Alrighty!
- Blimey.
- Go, Ryan.

- Bloody genius. - Well done, Lucy.

- Yes. - Well, no.

- Yes, no, really, Lucy. Hurrah!
- Yes, no, yes.

I mean, what were you doing, Will?

Yeah, what was I doing?

Meanwhile, back in elsewhere,
it's become clear that in his role

in Betterness Development,
Jack has selected Will as someone ideally

qualified to approach complete strangers
with bikes and phones

and persuade them to film themselves saying,
"This is me on my bike."

I mean, it's like he's actually using
you to steal your own idea from you.

- Yeah.
- No, I'm not.

- Yeah, crap, yeah.
- Will was the only person I could think of who

- would know 30 other people who ride bikes.
- Genius.

- So I asked him and he said yes.
- Of course he said yes.

- Yeah, of course I did, yeah.
- It's Will!
- Yeah, no, correct, I'm Will.

I've been working on this, trying
to get it off the ground for, like, ages.

- Well, yeah, exactly.
- It's completely... What?

Anyway, can I just say, guys, the good news is,

Anna absolutely love it.

- Anna?
- What?
- I know.

- You showed this to Anna?
- Whoa.

- Yes, I know, yes.
- So, what, you...

No, cos what it was, I ran into Anna,
like, in the lift

and can I just say, has anyone else
noticed the perfume she's wearing?

- Her perfume?
- Is it new? Is it just me?

- Yeah, anyway.
- Yes, I know, yes, honestly, what am I like?

Anyway, we were just like chatting and well

I say chatting, it was me mostly,
cos you know what she's like.

- She doesn't say much, does she?
Whereas me, I just open my mouth,
I've no idea what...
- Yeah, OK.

Yes, so anyway, I promised that
I would forward her the link to it

and, do you know what, by the time
I got to Costa she'd come

straight back to me, cos the thing about Anna is,

she don't say much, but she don't muck about.

- She's like, "Oh, my God, David, genius."
- Right, OK,

- Unbelievable.
- I know.

I know, cos also, cos I haven't finished yet,
OK, apparently she likes it

so much that she's, like, "Do you know what guys?

- You should be like using this as the online
trail for the BBC Me launch.
- Right.

So she sends it straight to Siobhan Sharpe
at Fun Media for them to look at.

Siobhan Sharpe? Yes, I know.

- Way, no way.
- Anna sent this to Siobhan Sharpe?

I know, and apparently she's, like,
Siobhan practically wet herself.

- I don't believe this.
- I know.

- I do.
- Yeah, unbelievable, yeah.

And do you know what? I'm like, guys,
this is just outrageous.

- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yeah, no, mental, yeah. I dunno.

It's next Tuesday

and another big day ahead as Ian arrives for work.

This is the day when top civil servant

Fiona Craig from the Department
of Culture, Media

and also Sport is due to arrive to see
a normal morning at the BBC.

But already, things are starting
to look anything but normal.

- Anna.
- Yes, hi, yes.

You've got a bike?

Yes, exactly, yes.

Well, I mean, what can I say? Congratulations.

Yes, no, yes.

Not only has Director of Better
Anna Rampton apparently decided

to join Ian on two wheels, but, like him,

she's gone for wheels that are,
theoretically at least, foldable if

you were listening to the person in the shop
who explained how to do it.

I, I don't want to interfere,
but do you want a hand with that?

- Yes. No, the fact is, like, yes.
- Yeah, no, it's really simple
once you get the hang of it.
- Exactly.

For Ian, this is a chance to demonstrate
a range of skills

acquired over many years of folding
under all kinds of conditions,

whilst for Anna, this is a chance to stand quietly

and watch everything he does at close quarters.

- There you are.
- Yes.
- Yeah, it's really easy.

- Yes, thank you.
- So now I've... No, no, that's...

- But now that I've done it, do you want me
to undo it again so you can...
- No.
- No, right.

No, the fact is I need to change my shoes.

Right, yes. OK, well.

- Oh, hi, Lucy.
- Hi, yes.

Yes.

Er, Anna's just, er, joined the club.

- Yes, good.
- Yes, exactly, yes.

- Who'd have thought it?
- Yes.

Yes, so you're all set for the Ryan Chelford

Yes. Really sorry, I've gotta go.

Yes.

Right. Great.

This is also a big day for Lucy Freeman in her role,

at least for the moment anyway, as Head of Inclusivity.

Hi, Ryan.

She's come outside to meet Ryan Chelford,

who has arrived at New Broadcasting
House by parking

his Bentley Continental almost directly outside it.

- Lovely car.
- Yeah, it's not bad, it does the job.

Do you know what I'm saying?

- How was your journey?
- Yeah, no problem, yeah.

Came down last night, stayed
with a mate in Rickmansworth.

Right. Rickmansworth's quite a long way out, isn't it?

Well, I say a mate.

He is a mate, but he's got, like, a hotel.

- Right.
- Yeah.

He's here to talk about his future
with the BBC Sport family,

as well as to reflect in some detail
on his journey to this point.

No, cos the smart move, what I've done is, yeah,

I went back out on the M25 and
back in again on the M1.

- Do you know what I'm saying?
- Right.

- I could've gone south and gone back
in on the M40, I admit that.
- Yes.

- But I'm sorry, for me, that's not a road.
- No.

For me, you've got cameras everywhere.

40 mile an hour restrictions.
You know what I'm saying?

- You might as well be driving a horse.
- Yes.

- Well, shall I just get you signed in,
then we'll just head on up.
- Yeah, sure, yeah. Nice one.

- And my new agent's supposed to be here.
I'm not seeing her.
- Right.

I'm sorry, but for me, she's my agent, right?

She's got a job to do, but for me
she's just not turned up.

- No, well, perhaps
- Hi, Ryan.

- Yeah, hi.
- Faiza.

- Oh, right.
- Faiza Raja, Head of Diversity.

- Er...
- Yeah, no, Faiza. Yeah, nice one.

- So...
- Great to meet you at last.
- Yeah, you too. Yeah, you too.

- Thanks so much for coming in today.
- Hi, Faiza.

Yes. Hi, Lucy, yes.

But if Ryan's agent may not have turned up for him

for some reason, current BBC Head
of Diversity Faiza Raja, at least

until Inclusivity and Diversity are
reimagined as a single new post of

Empowerment as part of the More of Less
initiative, definitely has.

So, you got here all right, then, Ryan?

Yeah, no problem. Parting space bang outside.

- You drove?
- Too right I did.

- Right.
- Right, yes.

Although saying that, I came down last night
and stayed with a mate in Rickmansworth.

- Yes.
- Rickmansworth.
- I know what you're thinking,
I say a mate, but he's got a hotel.

- Right.
- Yeah.

- OK, what's going on?
- What's going on?
- You do know what's happening this morning?

- Of course, yes.
- So, I don't mind, but I thought
I'd sort of be dealing with this.

- Yes, no, I'm sorry. The fact is...
- Right, great.

- Right, I'm in.
- Yes.
- Yes, right, well,, shall we?

Whoa, excuse my language, girls,
but what a fucking place!

- Well, you know.
- It's like you're in a film.

- Yes.
- All of a sudden, I'm fucking Tom Cruise,

do you know what I'm saying?

- Right.
- "Your clothes, give them to me now."
- Yes.
- Yes.

Now, listen, I don't know how any of this stuff work,

but basically, as I understand it,
that's the old bit over there...

- Yes.
- ..this is the new bit over here.
- Yes.

And then this bit was basically built
just to sort of join the two.

- Obviously, yes.
- Yes, no, obviously. Yes, no, very good.

By 10 o'clock, Simon Harwood is
already busy welcoming

Fiona Craig from the Department of Culture,
Media and also Sport,

who has arrived at New Broadcasting House
together with two

further women, in order to observe
a normal morning at the BBC.

Erm, if it helps,

Tony sometimes refers to it
as the mind/brain interface.

- All right, OK.
- You know, one of his little things.

- I'm not sure that does help, though, does it?
- Brilliant.

If I'm being really honest with you, Simon.

Yes, no, of course, very good.
Shall we go through?

Given the potential significance of
the charter renewal process,

for the future of the BBC and
everyone currently inside it,

it's important that the visiting delegation

feel as comprehensively met
and greeted as possible.

- Fiona, hi.
- Hi, yes.
- Ian.
- Yes.
- Ian Fletcher.

- Yes, no, Ian, I assumed as much.
- Well it's very good to meet you.

Yes, no, you too. And this is Chloe and Zoe.

- Right.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Hello.

You'll not be surprised to hear I'm forever
getting them mixed up.

- Right.
- But really they don't seem to mind.
- No.
- No.

Right, good. Er, you've met Simon, then.

- Indeed we have, Ian, yes.
- Yes.
- Brilliant.

Well, welcome to New Broadcasting House.

- Yes, no, we've already done that bit.
- Oh, right, have you?
- Yes.
- Yes.

- Fabulous.
- Well, what we...

- Yes, hello, yes.
- Oh, right, OK. Anna.
- Yes, exactly, yes.

As things turn out on this
particular normal morning,

Anna Rampton also happens
to be down in reception in her

role as Director of Better.

- This is Anna Rampton, Director of Better.
- Oh, right.

Yes, exactly, yes.

Can I ask Director of Better what, Anna?

- Yes, no, that...
- Brilliant.

- The fact is, welcome to the BBC.
- Er, no, we've actually done that bit.

- Yes.
- Yes.
- Right, OK.
- Good.

- I mean, yes, I could've come by train,
without a doubt.
- Yes.

But, for me, if you've got a decent car,

you bloody want to drive somewhere.

- Yes.
- I mean, it's not like you can drive a train.

- No.
- OK, you can drive a train. I admit that.

Like, if you're a train driver, but, for me,

if you're driving a train you're only
ever going in one direction.

- Do you know what I'm saying?
- Yes.

Meanwhile, up on the sixth floor,

Head of Inclusivity Lucy Freeman and
Head of Diversity Faiza Raja

are leading Ryan Chelford towards his destiny.

..sat on a train, drinking shit coffee
with people you don't know.

And with the single New Head
of Empowerment role set to

replace both their current roles,
quite possibly towards theirs.

Clive.

Oh, hi, Lucy. How are ya?

Yes, I'm good, thanks. You made it, then.

- 'Fraid so, yeah.
- Great, so...

- Clive, we've not met before.
- Right.

Faiza. Faiza Raja, Head of Diversity.

- Oh, OK.
- Yes.
- Good to meet you.

- Yeah, you too.
- You know Ryan, of course.
- Yep.
- Yes.

- Yeah, hi, yeah.
- Clive Cook, BBC Head of Football.

- Yeah, the main man.
- Well, let's not...

- El misseurino le gaffer.
- What?

- Nice one.
- OK, so we're in Mary Berry, I think.

- Oh, are we?
- Yes, so...
- I thought it was Frankie Howard?

- Yes.
- I booked Mary Berry.

- Right.
- No, I booked Frankie Howard.

Well, I'm sorry Has anyone booked a band?

- What?
- At this rate we could have quite a party.

NARRATOR: One of the distinctive features of the BBC's intelligent

syncopatispace room booking software,

is that if two people book different
rooms at exactly the same time

and under exactly the same subject heading,
it crashes.

- I have, I've pressed it twice and I...
- Shall we try mine?

Fortunately, however,

Head of Communications Tracy Pritchard
has arrived to help.

Yes, we just thought it might be interesting
for you to meet him

and just to get a sense of how someone like him

- fits into our family.
- Yes, exactly, yes.

Meanwhile, really not very far away now,
the visiting delegation

from the DCM and also S
is getting closer almost by the yard.

I think I'm right in saying that Ryan has already arrived.

- Brilliant.

Ah, yes, so this, er, actually, I might just, er...

Will you excuse me if I just, er... Tracy, hi, yes.

Yes, I know, we're just coming towards you now.

- Right.
- They may be walking towards
a potential disaster, but luckily

potential disasters are one of
Tracy Pritchard's key areas of expertise.

Anyway, at the moment, they're both locked.

- Right.
- Like we physically can't get in.

- Right.
- I dunno where Faiza's appeared from?

- Right.
- I'm not being negative or anything,

- but I have got a very bad feeling about this.
- Right.

I've gotta say, Ian, from where

I'm standing this has all the makings
of a category A, 100%,

platinum standard fuck up.

OK, fine. Thanks, Tracy, that's great.

OK. Good.

Ryan, hi.

- Yeah, Ryan, yeah.
- Ian Fletcher.

- Yeah.
- Good to see you again.

- Yeah, nice one, Ian, yeah.
- Thanks for coming in today.

Yeah, no worries, Ian, yeah.

My new agent's supposed
to be here somewhere.

But do you know what? For me,
she's just not turned up.

Right, well, let me just make a few introductions first.

So this is Fiona Craig from
the Department of Culture, Media

- and, interestingly enough, also Sport.
- Nice one.

With the possible exception of
the person at the centre of it,

everyone involved in the meeting
understands not only how

important it is that it runs smoothly,
but also how remote

a prospect that is given the number
of people involved.

And finally, Tracy Pritchard,
Senior Communications person.

- Yes. - Hello.

Can I just say, Fiona, welcome

- No, the fact is we've done that.
- Oh, right.

- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.

But not being able to say
with any certainty where the meeting

actually is isn't an ideal start.

OK, well, we're in Nadia Hussain,
I think, aren't we?

- - Er, we...
- Ye...yes. - Nadia Hussain?

- I think so, yes, so that's all good.
- Yes, no brilliant, no, listen.

- I'm going to have to leave you guys, I'm afraid.
- Oh, right.

- If that's going to be...
- Yes, fine.
- Frankly, rather a Tony-facing morning...

- No, that's good for us, really.
- Right.
- Yes.
- Yes.

- Fabulously exciting to meet you.
- Yes, you too.

And don't take any nonsense from these guys, OK?

- That we won't, Simon.
- Brilliant, er, right. Good-o.

- Right, OK.
- OK, so if everyone would like to just follow me?

- How's it going?
- How's it going?

- Yes.
- I feel like I want to cry.

It'll be fine, OK? It's going to be absolutely fine.

Not if I cry it won't.

You won't cry. Question Of Sport was your idea.

It's a brilliant solution, OK?

Should have been bloody Top Gear
and them bloody cars!

- Yes, Well, maybe keep that for
emergency use, if I were you.
- Yes.

Right, OK.

Eventually, the routine meeting with Ryan Chelford

is inexorably under way.

OK, well, so just to say officially, then,
welcome to Ryan.

- Yes, exactly, yes.
- Yes.

- Hey.
- And also welcome to Fiona,

Chloe and Zoe from the DCM and also S,
even though,

for the purposes of this, they're
not actually here, of course.

- Exactly so, Ian.
- No.
- No.

Well, what do you mean they're not here?

Right, OK, so I suppose the first thing to say...

- Hey, guys.
- Right.

Oh, yeah, nice to meet ya. Oh, hey, Siobhan.

Hey. You look gorgeous.

Oh, right, OK.

But just when it looks as if
everything might be under

control again, it's suddenly become clear

that following his recent rise
to social media eminence,

Ryan Chelford has signed to Fun Media,
that Siobhan Sharpe is

now his new agent, and that in her mind
the future is gender fluid.

Literally sitting on the next
Gayson Perry here, right?

- Yes.
- Grayson Perry.

No, sure, exactly. It's a no-brainer.

Yes, so I was just saying, Siobhan,

perhaps the first thing to say is,

- how excited we are at the prospect of
working with Ryan here at the BBC.
- Yes.

- Yay!
- I mean, certainly from an empowerment point of view.

- Yes, exactly.
- Yes.
- Go, Ryan.

Yes, so I guess the practical question,

aside from the bigger issues for a moment,
is how and where best

to employ Ryan's talents within the many things
that the BBC does.

- Yes, exactly.
- Yes.
- Cool.

- I mean, Clive...
- Yeah?

..I know you've got some thoughts about
how you see Ryan's

role in relation to Match Of The Day itself.

Yeah. So, obviously we were lucky enough
to have Ryan on our midweek

- FA Cup Third Round highlight package.
- Yes.
- No worries.

But we found... We debrief after every show,
obviously,

and we found ourselves asking
whether Match Of The Day

represents the best possible
fit for Ryan's talents going forward.

- Right, OK.
- Yes.

- So if that's the case...
- No, I'm sorry, guys, sorry, Clive.

- What are you saying there?
- Yes, exactly.

I mean, cos for me, I'm sat here, I've drove all

- the way down from Cheshire,
do you know what I'm saying?
- Yes.

- You SO have. - Though saying that, I did stay

with a mate in Rickmansworth last night.

Right. No, this is very much about
exploring possibilities and being

prepared to go beyond the obvious
to make sure we get this right.

- Yes.
- Exactly, yes.

- Totally.
- Yes, so very much with that spirit in mind,
erm, Lucy has come

up with what we think is potentially
a really interesting idea.

- Yes.
- All right.
- Well, no.

I've gotta say, I agree.

I won't say any more, I'll let Lucy talk us through it.

Yes.

- But we'd be very interested to see
- what you think. OK. Nice one.

OK, well...

Sorry, Lucy, sorry, Ian,

but just to check, this isn't A Question Of Sport,
is it?

- Well, I mean yes, what?
- A Question Of Sport?

- Well, perhaps...
- What? Do you mean with Sue what's her name?
- Exactly.

I mean, I'm sorry, the fact is

- I just don't think that's going to work.
- Well, that's...

The fact is we're talking about over
half a million followers on Twitter now.

- A lot of them in the LGBT community.
- Yes.
- Yay!

- This isn't about hiding him away on a quiz show.
- No, no.

The fact is, this is about having a face,
like Ryan's face,

as a regular presence on a show
like the Match Of The Day.

- Yes, exactly.
- Yes.

- OK, cool.
- Right, OK.

Let's do it, lets do this thing.

I mean, Clive, given what you've said already

I don't know what your reaction is to that as...

Yeah, so I think probably the thing to say
about that is, from our point of view,
it's not going to happen.

- Right, OK.
- Yes, I've gotta say, guys, I thought so.

Bummer.

Yeah, hey, this is me on my bike.

This is me on my bike.

Meanwhile, elsewhere, Development Executive
Izzy Gould is busy

reviewing developments with what was
On Your Bike before it's

recent transformation into someone else's idea.

- Hey.
- Oh, hi.

- It's not bad, is it?
- What are you doing here?

- Nothing.
- What do you want?

- Brought you coffee.
- Coffee?

- Yes.
- What for?

I dunno, to drink, I guess.

Unless you want to do something else with it?

- Can I sit here for a minute?
- There's someone there.

No, I know. Just for a minute, that's all.
I won't even put my coffee down, look

So, David Wilks has somehow managed
to set up a meeting with

Matt Taverner and Siobhan Sharpe
about the BBC Me launch,

- I mean, about everything.
- Right.

Er, so I'm going to go.

- And what about Will?
- Will.

- Yes.
- Just come to the meeting,
OK? Why wouldn't you?

I mean, I'm sorry, but this isn't actually
about diversity, is it?

No, I'm sorry...

On which, by the way, I'm very proud
of our record on Match Of The Day.

I'm sorry, the fact is,
this is really about empowerment.

- Exactly.
- OK.
- Yes.

- Yes.
- I mean, I thought we were supposed
to be on the same side here, aren't we?
- Well, yes.

Can I just say, guys, I certainly am.

Yeah, you don't want to start
arguing with yourselves.

- No, well...
- I mean, I'm sorry, for me, that's poor thinking.

Back in Nadia Hussain,

things are getting more normal virtually by the minute.

With respect, Clive, the fact is
it's not for you to say what is

and isn't an empowerment issue.

In this particular case I think it is.

- In this particular case it absolutely isn't.
- Yes, it is.

OK, so we've got both sides
of the argument pretty much

- nailed down now, so that's all good.
- Cool.

As Head of Values, Ian is aware
that the last thing that needs to

happen is for the BBC's current
Head of Diversity to have

a full-scale argument about
a cross dressing presenter with

the BBC Head of Football in front of a visiting team

from the Department of Culture, Media
and also Sport.

I mean, it seems to me, Faiza,
that your point is about having

a face like Ryan's on a flagship show,

which you could argue has been
too narrowly gendered up to now.

- Exactly, yes. - Yes, exactly, yes.

And Clive's point is that Match Of
The Day itself may not actually

be the most effective context
in which to address this issue.

- Yeah, is it?
- Yes. I think so, yes.

- Right, OK.
- No, cos I'm just thinking, Lucy, the other idea

you had, of course, knowing
Ryan's interests and strengths

and you might want to say more
about how you came to this,

was whether there might be
a role for him somewhere in Top Gear.

- Yes, er...
- Top Gear?
- Yes, no.

- You're kidding me?
- Blimey.

Holy shit.

- I just wondered whether...
- Sure.

- I wondered whether that might be an interesting thing...
- Sure.
- I mean for Top Gear too.

- Yes.
- No, sure, I TOTALLY watch that.

I mean, you've gotta say, guys,
whatever you think of Top Gear and

obviously I never watch it myself,
but that really is a big idea.

Well, yes.

Obviously there'd be some in-house issues
we'd have to navigate our way through.

- Yes, no, but in principle - In principle, yes.

- Cool!
- And, you know, it's our job to think big thoughts

and maybe that's something you might
be able to help with anyway, Anna?

- Yes, exactly, yes.
- I mean, Ryan...

I mean, I love this.

I totally love it when this shit happens.

And, yes, so, Ryan, I mean,
I don't know, er, what your...

OK, for me, right, excuse my language,
right, I'm sorry,

- but, Lisa, I bloody love you.
- Well, no...

I mean, you've come here,
you've sat there, you've said nothing.

Just, it was something I think
I could see working, that's all.

- That, for me, is top-top thinking.
- Yep, me too, yeah.

- Right, well.
- Good job, guys.
- And so, we move on.

So, can I just say, cos I know
we're not supposed to be here,

I don't know what it was like for you guys,
but this is

probably the most fun we've had
in quite some time, isn't it, girls?

- Yes.
- Yes.
- Right, so, yes, potentially, then, that's all good.

- Yes.
- Yes.

- Ah, hi.
- Yes, hi, yes.

- Yes.
- TANNOY:
- Doors opening.

Eventually it's the end of the day,

with another potential disaster
at the last moment somehow

turned into a potential solution.

Anyway, I suppose the main thing
is we got through another day.

- Yes.
- If that's a good thing?
- Yes.

Forgive me asking, and obviously
t's none of my business,

- but have you decided what you're doing yet?
- About?

- You know, with the job and...
- Oh, right, yes, erm...

It's also a day which has left
Lucy thoughtful about whether to apply

for the new Head of Empowerment post,
or to embrace the new

More Of Less initiative even more enthusiastically

by leaving altogether.

- I didn't really want to apply for the job I've got.
- Well, no, I remember.
- Never mind this one.

- You were going to work in a garden centre.
- Yes.

- Yeah, I dunno, I think it's going to
be easier to start again.
- Yes, all right.

But it turns out that Lusy isn't
the only one with a knotty

- problem to grapple with.
- Hi.

- Yeah, hi, yeah.
- Yes, hi, yes.

- Hi, Anna.
- Yes, exactly.

- Everything OK?
- Yes.
- Yeah, I dunno, I've never seen one do this before.

- Well, I would offer to help but...
- Yes.
- I think Will's probably...

- Yeah, no worries, yeah, cool.
- Yes, exactly, you can go now.

- Yeah, no, but...
- Thank you.
- OK.
- Right, erm...
- Yes.

- I mean, I really don't want to interfere, Will.
- Yeah, no worries, yeah.
- Yes, exactly, yes.

- OK.
- Right, er...

For Ian, after a long day, this is a chance
to demonstrate just

how rapidly you can transform
an apparently random arrangement

of steel, rubber, handlebars and
other things into a completely

different arrangement twice its real size
if you really want to.

Er, just the pedal there.

- There, that's it and there you go, done.
- Yes, thank you.

- OK, well...
- Yes.

- Don't forget helmet and lights.
- Yeah, no, exactly. No.

- Wouldn't want anything to happen to you.
- Yes.

- OK.
- Thank you.

Shall I just...

Yes, exactly, yes.

- OK, there you go.
- Yes.

- See you tomorrow.
- Yes, exactly, yes.

Oh, right, OK, good.