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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,281 --> 00:00:05,347 - Hey. - Yes. 2 00:00:05,416 --> 00:00:07,282 Oh, Becky, this is Ben. 3 00:00:07,351 --> 00:00:08,584 Ben, my sister, Becky. 4 00:00:08,652 --> 00:00:10,352 - Oh. - Perfect. I'm on break. 5 00:00:12,089 --> 00:00:14,823 - So nice to finally meet you. - Yeah. 6 00:00:14,925 --> 00:00:17,126 So, what do you see in her? 7 00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:19,517 Uh, excuse me? 8 00:00:19,580 --> 00:00:22,493 As the first person in the family to finally meet Ben, 9 00:00:22,540 --> 00:00:24,440 I feel a certain obligation to grill him 10 00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:25,656 and make him feel uncomfortable. 11 00:00:27,791 --> 00:00:29,991 So, are you serious about her, 12 00:00:30,060 --> 00:00:32,127 or is it just about the disappointing sex? 13 00:00:33,430 --> 00:00:36,631 Uh, that was wildly inappropriate. 14 00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:38,366 The sex is not disappointing. 15 00:00:38,435 --> 00:00:40,668 He's a middle-aged man doing the best that he can. 16 00:00:42,539 --> 00:00:44,906 Oh! 17 00:00:44,975 --> 00:00:47,175 Okay. I get it. The gloves are off? 18 00:00:47,244 --> 00:00:48,877 All right. Let's do this. 19 00:00:48,979 --> 00:00:50,812 Darlene won't commit to being serious 20 00:00:50,881 --> 00:00:53,415 because she's afraid to be vulnerable. 21 00:00:53,483 --> 00:00:55,550 And you seem like a lunatic. 22 00:00:56,853 --> 00:00:58,686 Okay. My turn, my turn. 23 00:00:58,789 --> 00:01:01,289 I am afraid to be vulnerable 24 00:01:01,391 --> 00:01:03,324 because he's too old to have never been married, 25 00:01:03,427 --> 00:01:05,660 and I think there's something broken inside there. 26 00:01:07,130 --> 00:01:09,697 Who says I'm not married? You barely know me. 27 00:01:12,169 --> 00:01:13,735 Oh. Let's go. That's my dad. 28 00:01:13,837 --> 00:01:14,936 Oh! Why can't I meet him? 29 00:01:15,005 --> 00:01:16,504 Oh, we got to do this one Conner at a time. 30 00:01:16,573 --> 00:01:18,173 You barely got past Becky. 31 00:01:20,577 --> 00:01:22,043 What up, Daddy-o? 32 00:01:22,112 --> 00:01:23,778 Picking up lunch for my crew. 33 00:01:23,847 --> 00:01:25,747 No need to lie to me, Dad. 34 00:01:25,816 --> 00:01:27,415 Enjoy your four meals. 35 00:01:29,953 --> 00:01:31,586 - Hey, Dan. - Hey, Louise. 36 00:01:31,655 --> 00:01:33,354 Remember when we were talking about your band 37 00:01:33,423 --> 00:01:35,023 and I couldn't remember the name of that group 38 00:01:35,125 --> 00:01:36,291 I used to like? 39 00:01:36,359 --> 00:01:37,258 Found 'em. 40 00:01:37,327 --> 00:01:39,294 Oh, my God. 41 00:01:39,396 --> 00:01:41,930 Baby Huey & the Babysitters. 42 00:01:42,032 --> 00:01:43,665 "Messin' with the Kid." 43 00:01:43,767 --> 00:01:45,333 ♪ You can call it what you want ♪ 44 00:01:45,402 --> 00:01:48,636 ♪ But I call it messin' with the kid ♪ 45 00:01:48,705 --> 00:01:49,671 Wow. 46 00:01:49,739 --> 00:01:51,739 You know, right when I left Lanford, 47 00:01:51,808 --> 00:01:53,908 I got to Chicago, I sat in with them. 48 00:01:54,010 --> 00:01:56,144 - No! - Oh, yeah. 49 00:01:56,213 --> 00:01:57,579 Then they looked over, saw me sittin' 50 00:01:57,647 --> 00:01:59,647 on the edge of the stage, and I got thrown out. 51 00:02:01,685 --> 00:02:03,718 It's so nice to have you back. 52 00:02:03,787 --> 00:02:05,286 I remember you packing your drums 53 00:02:05,355 --> 00:02:07,455 in the back of your LeBaron after graduation 54 00:02:07,557 --> 00:02:09,424 and heading down to Chicago with your band. 55 00:02:09,526 --> 00:02:11,526 Yeah, that was the beginning of the long, 56 00:02:11,561 --> 00:02:14,262 slow climb to the bottom. 57 00:02:14,331 --> 00:02:16,030 Well, I was jealous of you. 58 00:02:16,099 --> 00:02:18,366 I still kick myself for not taking my guitar 59 00:02:18,435 --> 00:02:19,868 and hitting the road like you did. 60 00:02:19,903 --> 00:02:21,569 Mm. Don't beat yourself up. 61 00:02:21,671 --> 00:02:23,137 You were terrible. 62 00:02:24,808 --> 00:02:25,940 I'm okay with that. 63 00:02:26,009 --> 00:02:28,076 I'm kind of the Jimmy Page of drywall. 64 00:02:29,713 --> 00:02:32,814 So, I have a little surprise for you, too. 65 00:02:32,883 --> 00:02:35,183 I have an extra ticket for an oldies concert 66 00:02:35,252 --> 00:02:36,951 in Ravinia tomorrow night. 67 00:02:37,020 --> 00:02:38,686 You want to go with me and my buddies? 68 00:02:38,755 --> 00:02:39,787 Who's playing? 69 00:02:39,856 --> 00:02:42,123 Just a bunch of bands from the '60s and '70s... 70 00:02:42,225 --> 00:02:44,826 what's left of 'em, anyway. 71 00:02:44,895 --> 00:02:48,663 There's, uh, Gladys Knight & the Pip, 72 00:02:48,732 --> 00:02:52,567 uh, the Two Tops, 73 00:02:52,636 --> 00:02:53,735 and a Righteous Brother. 74 00:02:55,539 --> 00:02:59,007 I'm going, on the odd chance I get to see One Dog Night. 75 00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:05,213 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 76 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:13,074 Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM 77 00:03:39,916 --> 00:03:41,249 "The Conners" is recorded in front of 78 00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:43,251 a live studio audience. 79 00:03:45,221 --> 00:03:47,488 Harris? What happened? Are you okay? 80 00:03:47,591 --> 00:03:49,190 She's fine. Are you the mom? 81 00:03:49,292 --> 00:03:51,593 No, I'm the aunt. 82 00:03:51,695 --> 00:03:52,961 What happened? 83 00:03:53,063 --> 00:03:54,362 She got caught drinking in the woods 84 00:03:54,464 --> 00:03:55,897 with some of her friends. 85 00:03:55,999 --> 00:03:57,365 I'm the only one who didn't get away 86 00:03:57,467 --> 00:03:58,967 because I was wearing heels. 87 00:03:59,069 --> 00:04:01,302 Why were you wearing heels in the woods? 88 00:04:01,404 --> 00:04:02,570 There was a guy there that I liked, 89 00:04:02,672 --> 00:04:04,272 and I wanted my ass to look good. 90 00:04:05,709 --> 00:04:07,809 You must be very proud. 91 00:04:07,911 --> 00:04:10,445 Thank you, Officer. I can take it from here. 92 00:04:10,547 --> 00:04:11,946 Fine. Just tell her parents 93 00:04:12,048 --> 00:04:14,349 that she's been hanging with a bad crowd. 94 00:04:14,451 --> 00:04:16,551 I really hope I don't have to come back to this house again. 95 00:04:16,653 --> 00:04:18,152 That's what everyone says. 96 00:04:20,557 --> 00:04:21,990 Come back here. 97 00:04:22,092 --> 00:04:24,092 All right. Let's have the lecture. 98 00:04:24,194 --> 00:04:26,794 Yeah, you're gonna get a lecture. 99 00:04:26,896 --> 00:04:28,830 First, you got to figure out your escape route 100 00:04:28,932 --> 00:04:30,898 before you get hammered. 101 00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:33,001 And make sure it's downhill so if you trip, 102 00:04:33,136 --> 00:04:35,136 you can roll out of danger. 103 00:04:36,139 --> 00:04:37,038 Wait, what? 104 00:04:37,140 --> 00:04:38,773 And if you're with a nerdy girl, 105 00:04:38,875 --> 00:04:41,776 push her down at the first sight of trouble. 106 00:04:41,878 --> 00:04:44,112 You get away, she gets a cool reputation... 107 00:04:44,214 --> 00:04:46,214 it's a win-win. 108 00:04:46,316 --> 00:04:47,782 Why are you telling me this? 109 00:04:47,884 --> 00:04:50,351 Because even though I'm not happy that you were drinking, 110 00:04:50,453 --> 00:04:53,087 I don't want you getting caught because your friends are stupid. 111 00:04:53,189 --> 00:04:55,023 Thank you. 112 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,326 You know, I got to tell you, 113 00:04:58,428 --> 00:04:59,327 I'm kind of surprised 114 00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:00,762 that you're even helping me. 115 00:05:00,830 --> 00:05:02,030 I didn't think you liked me. 116 00:05:02,132 --> 00:05:04,532 Of course I like you. Why would you think that? 117 00:05:04,634 --> 00:05:06,167 Because I've been here for a year, 118 00:05:06,269 --> 00:05:07,735 and you've barely talked to me. 119 00:05:09,806 --> 00:05:12,507 Okay. Sit down. 120 00:05:15,345 --> 00:05:17,178 Remember that Christmas when you were 8, 121 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,680 and I wanted you to see 122 00:05:18,782 --> 00:05:20,381 what a really strong woman was, 123 00:05:20,483 --> 00:05:21,949 so I showed you "Kill Bill"? 124 00:05:22,052 --> 00:05:23,451 Yeah. 125 00:05:23,553 --> 00:05:24,819 It was more decapitations 126 00:05:24,888 --> 00:05:27,155 than I've seen before or since. 127 00:05:27,257 --> 00:05:30,358 But your mom totally flipped out on me. 128 00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:33,494 Ever since that, everything I do or say around you, 129 00:05:33,596 --> 00:05:36,164 I'm worried your mom's gonna freak out about. 130 00:05:36,266 --> 00:05:37,832 And I'm not judging your mom. 131 00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:39,600 We're different people. 132 00:05:39,703 --> 00:05:42,370 I'm cool, and she's an uptight psycho. 133 00:05:43,773 --> 00:05:46,340 Are you cool enough to not tell my mom about tonight? 134 00:05:49,546 --> 00:05:51,979 Okay. Here's the deal. 135 00:05:52,048 --> 00:05:54,215 Stop drinking in the woods... 136 00:05:54,284 --> 00:05:56,718 and I'll give you this one pass as a cool aunt. 137 00:05:56,786 --> 00:05:58,186 Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! 138 00:05:58,288 --> 00:06:00,088 It will never happen again. 139 00:06:00,156 --> 00:06:03,057 But you can't ever tell her that I didn't tell her. 140 00:06:03,126 --> 00:06:07,028 Why would I do that? That would be telling her. 141 00:06:07,097 --> 00:06:09,864 There will be a time when you guys are hanging out 142 00:06:09,933 --> 00:06:11,466 and you'll feel like you're friends 143 00:06:11,568 --> 00:06:13,167 and you'll want to share everything. 144 00:06:13,236 --> 00:06:16,003 Do not fall for that. It's a trap. 145 00:06:23,346 --> 00:06:26,080 Wow. Somebody's been to the back of her closet. 146 00:06:26,116 --> 00:06:27,315 Yeah, well, 147 00:06:27,383 --> 00:06:29,217 that's why I wore the shawl over here. 148 00:06:29,319 --> 00:06:30,518 No, uh, Peter's doing a project 149 00:06:30,587 --> 00:06:32,887 for his master's degree in Nordic history, 150 00:06:32,989 --> 00:06:34,989 so we're simulating the daily life 151 00:06:35,058 --> 00:06:37,525 of a couple in medieval Norway. 152 00:06:38,928 --> 00:06:41,062 Why? 153 00:06:41,131 --> 00:06:43,931 Uh, it's, uh, interdisciplinary study 154 00:06:44,033 --> 00:06:45,700 where he's trying to document 155 00:06:45,769 --> 00:06:48,469 the sociology of relationships at that time, 156 00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:51,706 and unless we replicate the experiences exactly, 157 00:06:51,741 --> 00:06:54,342 then it invalidates the study. 158 00:06:54,410 --> 00:06:55,843 I haven't had enough coffee 159 00:06:55,945 --> 00:06:58,646 to... to have this conversation. 160 00:06:58,715 --> 00:07:01,549 So you don't get to use any modern conveniences? 161 00:07:01,618 --> 00:07:03,017 Well, you guys just don't know the joy 162 00:07:03,086 --> 00:07:04,352 of living close to the earth. 163 00:07:04,454 --> 00:07:07,388 Do you have a, um, wire brush I can borrow? 164 00:07:07,457 --> 00:07:09,690 I have to scrape the fur off a squirrel. 165 00:07:11,828 --> 00:07:13,561 You're eating a squirrel? 166 00:07:13,663 --> 00:07:14,896 Well, many squirrels. 167 00:07:14,998 --> 00:07:18,766 While they're hibernating, there's not a lot to 'em. 168 00:07:18,835 --> 00:07:20,768 Okay, guys. 169 00:07:20,837 --> 00:07:23,938 Here's your salami pancake sandwiches. 170 00:07:24,007 --> 00:07:25,807 You may want to trade these. 171 00:07:28,178 --> 00:07:30,378 Okay, who's using the washing machine? 172 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:33,281 Oh, I don't know, the people who live here? 173 00:07:33,349 --> 00:07:35,430 Do you know Louise Goldufski? 174 00:07:35,493 --> 00:07:37,819 She works at the restaurant now. 175 00:07:37,887 --> 00:07:39,887 Yeah, she was in Dan and Roseanne's class. 176 00:07:39,956 --> 00:07:41,923 Star of the talent show! 177 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,994 Every year, she and her stupid band would go long 178 00:07:47,063 --> 00:07:50,665 while somebody with a very moving rifle-twirling routine 179 00:07:50,767 --> 00:07:52,433 couldn't even get up on stage. 180 00:07:54,270 --> 00:07:57,171 Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure she made a move on Dad yesterday. 181 00:07:58,541 --> 00:08:00,975 Ohh, you're kidding. 182 00:08:01,077 --> 00:08:02,343 What did he do? 183 00:08:02,412 --> 00:08:04,946 - He had no clue. - Oh, no. No. 184 00:08:05,048 --> 00:08:06,747 He's been out of the game for too long. 185 00:08:06,850 --> 00:08:10,251 He has no idea how vicious these gals can be. 186 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:13,020 With a fresh widower in their sights, 187 00:08:13,122 --> 00:08:14,856 Dan's a mouse in a field, 188 00:08:14,958 --> 00:08:18,359 and she's like this hawk with her talons out. 189 00:08:18,461 --> 00:08:22,129 You've changed since you started hunting your own food. 190 00:08:22,198 --> 00:08:24,432 I'm telling you... he's a catch. 191 00:08:24,534 --> 00:08:25,633 We should warn him. 192 00:08:25,735 --> 00:08:27,468 It's weird. I've never thought of Dad as a catch. 193 00:08:27,570 --> 00:08:29,136 Are you kidding me? At his age, 194 00:08:29,239 --> 00:08:30,938 he can fall down and get up on his own... 195 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,607 The ladies love it! 196 00:08:33,910 --> 00:08:34,876 I'm gonna grab a bite. 197 00:08:34,978 --> 00:08:36,878 I'll be back later to do my laundry. 198 00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:38,512 I got it. 199 00:08:38,581 --> 00:08:39,947 Yeah, well, I'm gonna be out in the yard. 200 00:08:40,049 --> 00:08:42,450 I got to look for a stick in the shape of a fork. 201 00:08:48,224 --> 00:08:49,290 Hi. Can I help you? 202 00:08:49,392 --> 00:08:51,092 Is Harris Healy here? 203 00:08:51,194 --> 00:08:53,694 Uh, n-no, she's in school. Is something wrong? 204 00:08:53,763 --> 00:08:56,297 She left this in my squad car. 205 00:08:58,568 --> 00:09:00,434 My daughter was in your car? Why? 206 00:09:00,536 --> 00:09:02,503 I guess your sister didn't tell you. 207 00:09:02,605 --> 00:09:05,873 I caught her in the woods drinking last night. 208 00:09:05,975 --> 00:09:08,676 Wha... You've got to be kidding me. 209 00:09:08,778 --> 00:09:10,778 Um... okay. 210 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,681 Well, thank you for bringing her home safe. 211 00:09:14,851 --> 00:09:16,284 By the way, there's gonna be reports 212 00:09:16,386 --> 00:09:17,585 of screaming from this house later. 213 00:09:17,654 --> 00:09:20,110 You guys should just ignore that. 214 00:09:29,195 --> 00:09:30,361 Whatcha doin'? 215 00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:32,946 Um, cutting vegetables with a rock. 216 00:09:33,004 --> 00:09:34,961 You want to help me? It's infuriating. 217 00:09:36,922 --> 00:09:39,189 [Speaking Old Norse] woman. 218 00:09:39,257 --> 00:09:41,291 I bring nourishment from the sea. 219 00:09:44,062 --> 00:09:45,762 Did you buy that at a store? 220 00:09:45,831 --> 00:09:47,297 I got it from that fish market. 221 00:09:47,399 --> 00:09:48,565 I bartered for it, 222 00:09:48,667 --> 00:09:51,634 trading them zinc, nickel, and copper. 223 00:09:53,538 --> 00:09:55,505 Some day, they will call them "coins." 224 00:09:57,109 --> 00:09:58,775 I'm cutting a turnip with a rock, 225 00:09:58,877 --> 00:10:01,578 and you went out and bought a fish. 226 00:10:01,646 --> 00:10:04,047 Well, the important thing is that I have provided dinner 227 00:10:04,116 --> 00:10:06,383 in a historically accurate way. 228 00:10:06,451 --> 00:10:08,151 I will now leave you to clean the fish 229 00:10:08,220 --> 00:10:10,120 while I retire to the living room 230 00:10:10,222 --> 00:10:12,355 to play my shinbone flute. 231 00:10:12,424 --> 00:10:14,090 No, no, no. No. 232 00:10:14,192 --> 00:10:17,060 No. I scraped the fur off a squirrel. 233 00:10:17,129 --> 00:10:18,294 You're gutting the fish. 234 00:10:18,397 --> 00:10:19,829 I need a couple hours without the smell 235 00:10:19,898 --> 00:10:21,931 of death on my fingers. 236 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,402 Viking women were often overwhelmed by their chores, 237 00:10:25,470 --> 00:10:27,537 but generally suffered in silence. 238 00:10:36,481 --> 00:10:38,150 The only thing I know about Vikings 239 00:10:38,197 --> 00:10:39,634 is from "Hagar," 240 00:10:39,684 --> 00:10:41,351 and from what I remember, he and his wife 241 00:10:41,420 --> 00:10:43,887 used to like to fight in the privacy of their own yurt. 242 00:10:45,424 --> 00:10:48,224 Finally, the washer's free. 243 00:10:48,293 --> 00:10:49,793 Have you guys had a little talk yet? 244 00:10:49,895 --> 00:10:51,494 Little talk about what? 245 00:10:51,596 --> 00:10:52,695 Nothing. 246 00:10:52,798 --> 00:10:54,297 We were just talking about how well 247 00:10:54,399 --> 00:10:55,632 you and Louise were getting along. 248 00:10:55,734 --> 00:10:58,368 Open your eyes, Dan! 249 00:11:00,539 --> 00:11:03,306 That man-eater's trying to get into your Kirklands. 250 00:11:05,143 --> 00:11:06,743 It's true, Dad. I saw it myself. 251 00:11:06,845 --> 00:11:08,411 She was totally flirting with you. 252 00:11:08,513 --> 00:11:10,313 She was not! 253 00:11:10,415 --> 00:11:12,582 Louise and I enjoy talking to each other 254 00:11:12,617 --> 00:11:15,685 about back in the day, and that's it. 255 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,086 You're 1,000 years old. 256 00:11:17,155 --> 00:11:18,521 You know what I'm talking about. 257 00:11:23,094 --> 00:11:24,561 Hey. Look what I found. 258 00:11:24,629 --> 00:11:26,763 - Oh, nice. Thanks. - No. Not so fast. 259 00:11:26,832 --> 00:11:28,731 A police officer said you left it in his car. 260 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,467 You want to explain that? 261 00:11:30,535 --> 00:11:32,402 Oh. 262 00:11:32,504 --> 00:11:34,103 You really want to know? 263 00:11:34,206 --> 00:11:35,438 I'm dating a cop. 264 00:11:38,777 --> 00:11:41,311 Wow. You go down swinging. I'll give you that. 265 00:11:42,948 --> 00:11:44,380 You are grounded for three weeks. 266 00:11:44,483 --> 00:11:45,849 Oh, come on! 267 00:11:45,951 --> 00:11:47,684 Harris, is this what your life is gonna be now... 268 00:11:47,752 --> 00:11:49,486 drinking in the woods with a bunch of idiots? 269 00:11:49,588 --> 00:11:51,621 My friends aren't idiots. 270 00:11:51,690 --> 00:11:53,156 And this is a ridiculous overreaction 271 00:11:53,258 --> 00:11:54,591 for a couple of beers. 272 00:11:54,659 --> 00:11:56,793 Harris, you are underage. 273 00:11:56,862 --> 00:11:58,628 You cannot have any beers. 274 00:11:58,697 --> 00:12:00,230 Get off my back. 275 00:12:00,332 --> 00:12:01,264 I'm getting good grades, 276 00:12:01,333 --> 00:12:03,566 and I scored really high on my ACTs. 277 00:12:03,635 --> 00:12:05,034 It's not like I'm doing heroin. 278 00:12:05,103 --> 00:12:07,237 It doesn't matter how smart you are. Don't you get it? 279 00:12:07,305 --> 00:12:09,539 A few wrong moves, and you're screwed for life. 280 00:12:09,641 --> 00:12:11,207 You want to end up like your Aunt Becky? 281 00:12:15,947 --> 00:12:17,514 Was Becky in the house? 282 00:12:19,551 --> 00:12:21,017 She was doing laundry. 283 00:12:21,119 --> 00:12:23,753 Damn it! And I almost said "Like your Uncle DJ." 284 00:12:27,841 --> 00:12:28,976 Can we just sit and talk 285 00:12:29,066 --> 00:12:32,433 like regular freakin' people just for a minute? 286 00:12:32,489 --> 00:12:34,207 I can't do this anymore. 287 00:12:34,246 --> 00:12:37,792 I'm cooking, I'm cleaning, I'm making sacrifices to Odin. 288 00:12:37,861 --> 00:12:40,825 I haven't had a decent night's sleep or a meal 289 00:12:40,895 --> 00:12:44,302 that my body knows how to digest in four days. 290 00:12:44,373 --> 00:12:45,739 It's been hard on both of us, 291 00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:47,640 but it's gonna make such a great paper. 292 00:12:47,709 --> 00:12:49,809 Yeah, but I have to actually go out and strip a tree 293 00:12:49,878 --> 00:12:51,678 in the park to make that paper. 294 00:12:51,747 --> 00:12:54,814 This... is not working for me. 295 00:12:54,894 --> 00:12:55,949 What are you talking about? 296 00:12:56,051 --> 00:12:59,152 Look, I don't mind paying your tuition, 297 00:12:59,221 --> 00:13:00,987 I don't mind running your errands, 298 00:13:01,056 --> 00:13:02,422 and I don't mind doing all the housework. 299 00:13:02,524 --> 00:13:05,625 What I'm trying to say is I do mind. 300 00:13:05,694 --> 00:13:07,560 I mind it all. 301 00:13:07,629 --> 00:13:10,330 You knew that I was finishing this degree when you met me. 302 00:13:10,399 --> 00:13:11,998 And now when I'm under the most pressure, 303 00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:13,633 you insinuate that I'm not bringing anything 304 00:13:13,702 --> 00:13:14,768 to the relationship. 305 00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:16,503 I'm not insinuating anything. 306 00:13:16,571 --> 00:13:18,938 I'm outright telling you. 307 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,140 What do you want me to do? 308 00:13:20,208 --> 00:13:21,641 Uh, wash a dish. 309 00:13:21,710 --> 00:13:23,543 Run the vacuum cleaner. 310 00:13:23,612 --> 00:13:24,978 Ask me how my day is going. 311 00:13:25,046 --> 00:13:27,747 Chip in every once in a while for expenses. 312 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:30,016 Look, I'll t... I'll tell you what. 313 00:13:30,085 --> 00:13:32,085 In a month, when I finish writing up this paper, 314 00:13:32,154 --> 00:13:34,220 I'll do all those things and more. 315 00:13:34,256 --> 00:13:35,789 But right now, why don't you take 316 00:13:35,891 --> 00:13:38,091 all that frustration out on the dough 317 00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,726 and make the bread for tomorrow? 318 00:13:39,828 --> 00:13:42,095 Well... 319 00:13:42,130 --> 00:13:44,898 I would, but I just got dragged away 320 00:13:44,966 --> 00:13:47,500 by a wild boar, and I'm dead. 321 00:13:47,602 --> 00:13:49,502 So while you mourn me, 322 00:13:49,571 --> 00:13:52,739 my Viking soul is gonna be at McDonald's. 323 00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:57,477 What am I doing? I can't wear this. 324 00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:58,812 I'll look like an idiot. 325 00:14:03,452 --> 00:14:04,684 Hey. Ready to go? 326 00:14:04,753 --> 00:14:06,820 Yep. Just clocked out. 327 00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:10,123 I got the tickets, I got the cushions for the seats, 328 00:14:10,192 --> 00:14:12,759 and a little surprise we can all pass around. 329 00:14:13,829 --> 00:14:16,329 Is it a football? 330 00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:19,833 No, but it's as big as a football. 331 00:14:19,935 --> 00:14:21,000 Sounds good. 332 00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,469 Oh, your friends need a ride, 333 00:14:22,537 --> 00:14:23,670 or are they meeting us there? 334 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:26,039 Um, they're gonna go on their own. 335 00:14:26,107 --> 00:14:28,074 I just figured that we might want to 336 00:14:28,143 --> 00:14:30,343 do something together after... 337 00:14:30,445 --> 00:14:31,878 just the two of us. 338 00:14:33,815 --> 00:14:36,249 If that's all right with you. 339 00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:41,287 Can we maybe sit for a minute? 340 00:14:41,389 --> 00:14:42,622 Sure. 341 00:14:44,993 --> 00:14:46,860 Oh. 342 00:14:48,530 --> 00:14:50,029 Ah. 343 00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:53,299 This is crazy, but I have to ask. 344 00:14:53,368 --> 00:14:55,902 Becky and Jackie think that you're interested in me 345 00:14:55,971 --> 00:14:59,072 in more than a just shooting- the-breeze kind of way. 346 00:14:59,174 --> 00:15:00,106 Are you serious? 347 00:15:00,208 --> 00:15:01,808 Yeah. Crazy, right? 348 00:15:01,877 --> 00:15:03,042 No. 349 00:15:03,144 --> 00:15:05,712 I mean, I can't believe you didn't pick up on it. 350 00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,651 Every time you walk in here, 351 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,487 I am staring at you like you're a deep-dish pizza. 352 00:15:16,191 --> 00:15:18,458 Let me help you figure it out. 353 00:15:18,527 --> 00:15:21,628 We're both free, we like each other, 354 00:15:21,696 --> 00:15:24,731 I've had a crush on you since I was 15, 355 00:15:24,766 --> 00:15:27,567 but Roseanne already had her brand on you. 356 00:15:27,669 --> 00:15:30,370 Well, she didn't actually brand me. 357 00:15:30,438 --> 00:15:32,972 But there are some bruises that'll never go away. 358 00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:38,811 Um, look, I'm just not ready for this. 359 00:15:38,914 --> 00:15:40,079 Oh. 360 00:15:42,017 --> 00:15:44,617 Anything I can do to change your mind? 361 00:15:44,719 --> 00:15:46,219 I'm afraid not. 362 00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:49,956 I still have a thing for my wife. 363 00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:54,360 Look, Louise. 364 00:15:56,264 --> 00:15:59,065 I really enjoy your company, 365 00:15:59,134 --> 00:16:00,466 and I hope it's not gonna be weird 366 00:16:00,569 --> 00:16:02,835 now that we're just friends. 367 00:16:02,938 --> 00:16:04,571 Well... 368 00:16:04,606 --> 00:16:06,406 the free beers are over. 369 00:16:08,777 --> 00:16:10,376 I was... I was really hoping 370 00:16:10,445 --> 00:16:14,414 that I could get a little action for that. 371 00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:15,848 We still going to the concert? 372 00:16:15,951 --> 00:16:17,250 Of course. 373 00:16:17,285 --> 00:16:21,955 But if I have a chance to score with a Dog Night or a Pip, 374 00:16:22,057 --> 00:16:24,290 you better get out of my way. 375 00:16:24,392 --> 00:16:26,492 - Deal. - Deal. 376 00:16:26,561 --> 00:16:29,918 ♪ Why don't you love me like you used to do? ♪ 377 00:16:30,799 --> 00:16:32,699 How'd you know I was here? 378 00:16:32,767 --> 00:16:35,435 I know you like to play pool when you're upset, 379 00:16:35,470 --> 00:16:37,403 and, um, we need to talk. 380 00:16:37,472 --> 00:16:40,106 No, we don't. 381 00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:42,842 You were pretty clear. 382 00:16:42,911 --> 00:16:44,811 Well, I was angry at Harris, 383 00:16:44,913 --> 00:16:46,613 and I was angry at you. 384 00:16:46,681 --> 00:16:49,115 I mean, you know that you should've told me what happened. 385 00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,117 I told her not to drink. 386 00:16:51,186 --> 00:16:52,986 But no matter what I did, 387 00:16:53,088 --> 00:16:56,623 it doesn't change what you really think of me. 388 00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,124 Okay, w... uh, you know, I said it. 389 00:16:58,193 --> 00:16:59,525 I can't take it back, so, you know, 390 00:16:59,628 --> 00:17:00,960 what do you want me to do? 391 00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,795 When all this crap went down 392 00:17:02,864 --> 00:17:04,564 about my drinking and the baby, 393 00:17:04,633 --> 00:17:06,466 and you said you believed in me 394 00:17:06,534 --> 00:17:08,835 and that I could get through this, I thought, 395 00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:11,838 "Maybe I'm not as messed up as I think I am." 396 00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:13,239 But then I heard what you said, 397 00:17:13,308 --> 00:17:15,074 and now I know that you were lying to me, 398 00:17:15,176 --> 00:17:16,576 and that hurts. 399 00:17:16,645 --> 00:17:18,077 No, I was not lying. 400 00:17:18,179 --> 00:17:19,679 I do believe in you now. 401 00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,114 But are you gonna stand there and tell me 402 00:17:21,182 --> 00:17:24,350 you haven't made some really crappy choices in your life? 403 00:17:24,452 --> 00:17:27,153 It's so easy for you to criticize now, 404 00:17:27,222 --> 00:17:29,522 but where were you when I was making them? 405 00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:31,257 What's that supposed to mean? 406 00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:34,494 When do you think the heavy drinking started? 407 00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:36,129 When Mark died, I needed you. 408 00:17:36,197 --> 00:17:38,898 I wrote to you and asked you to come. 409 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,401 Well, my life was falling apart, too. 410 00:17:41,469 --> 00:17:43,569 My husband just left me with a 5-year-old kid, 411 00:17:43,672 --> 00:17:45,071 and I was pregnant. 412 00:17:45,173 --> 00:17:47,674 My husband died. 413 00:17:52,914 --> 00:17:54,380 Okay. 414 00:17:54,482 --> 00:17:55,481 You win. 415 00:17:57,318 --> 00:17:58,918 I did send you that care package 416 00:17:58,987 --> 00:18:01,654 filled with crossword puzzles and candy. 417 00:18:01,690 --> 00:18:03,723 Oh, yeah, those crossword puzzles 418 00:18:03,825 --> 00:18:06,159 really helped. 419 00:18:06,194 --> 00:18:08,094 It was nice to get away from being sad 420 00:18:08,163 --> 00:18:09,962 and feel stupid for a while. 421 00:18:11,866 --> 00:18:13,299 Hey, you want to play a game? 422 00:18:13,368 --> 00:18:15,301 Oh, don't waste your time. She's pregnant. 423 00:18:15,403 --> 00:18:16,703 And she's nasty. 424 00:18:18,740 --> 00:18:20,139 I'm up for either. 425 00:18:22,510 --> 00:18:23,643 Gross. 426 00:18:25,246 --> 00:18:28,181 Pick up a damn cue so no one comes over again. 427 00:18:29,417 --> 00:18:31,784 And you go first because you suck. 428 00:18:33,254 --> 00:18:36,089 I mean as a person, not only as a pool player. 429 00:18:37,292 --> 00:18:38,925 How come you didn't tell me you were so mad 430 00:18:39,027 --> 00:18:40,960 when it was all happening? 431 00:18:41,029 --> 00:18:44,363 Because I didn't want you to know how much I needed you. 432 00:18:44,466 --> 00:18:45,765 Why? 433 00:18:45,867 --> 00:18:48,801 Because you never need me. 434 00:18:48,903 --> 00:18:50,503 I hate being the needy one. 435 00:18:50,572 --> 00:18:52,905 When we were kids, I was the one who had it all together, 436 00:18:52,974 --> 00:18:56,509 and you were just the depressed little freak. 437 00:18:56,578 --> 00:18:58,277 Well, you should be in pig heaven now 438 00:18:58,379 --> 00:19:00,079 because I'm a depressed adult freak 439 00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:02,415 with just as many problems as you. 440 00:19:04,419 --> 00:19:06,152 And... 441 00:19:06,221 --> 00:19:09,322 you know, you think I don't need you? 442 00:19:09,390 --> 00:19:12,125 Why do you think I came back here in the first place? 443 00:19:12,227 --> 00:19:14,694 Not just for Mom and Dad. 444 00:19:14,796 --> 00:19:16,095 Really? 445 00:19:16,164 --> 00:19:19,332 You can't do that. You're not 4. 446 00:19:19,434 --> 00:19:20,767 Oh, my God. 447 00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:22,235 How many times did I let you 448 00:19:22,337 --> 00:19:24,270 move the ball in miniature golf? 449 00:19:29,010 --> 00:19:32,111 There is no way to miss that shot. 450 00:19:32,180 --> 00:19:34,347 You should get a brain scan immediately. 451 00:19:35,350 --> 00:19:37,784 So... 452 00:19:37,886 --> 00:19:39,085 where do we go from here? 453 00:19:40,288 --> 00:19:42,221 Besides making jokes about brain tumors 454 00:19:42,323 --> 00:19:44,824 when somebody misses a very difficult shot. 455 00:19:46,494 --> 00:19:48,995 We make a pact to always be there for each other. 456 00:19:50,498 --> 00:19:51,898 Oh, pact seems a little binding. 457 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:55,802 How about a... loose agreement? 458 00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:56,969 Fine. 459 00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:59,472 But just for the record, you needed me first. 460 00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:02,475 When Mom and Dad brought you home from the hospital, 461 00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:05,411 I remember seeing your sweet, little face 462 00:20:05,513 --> 00:20:08,815 and knowing that you really needed me to protect you. 463 00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:13,219 Wait. Mom told me you tried to kill me when I was a baby. 464 00:20:13,321 --> 00:20:16,122 Yeah, but something stopped me. 465 00:20:16,224 --> 00:20:17,690 I think it was Dad. 466 00:20:21,745 --> 00:20:23,534 You know, you really got to learn 467 00:20:23,573 --> 00:20:25,973 how to read the signals that a woman is sending you. 468 00:20:26,041 --> 00:20:28,642 Like, if a woman does this... 469 00:20:29,927 --> 00:20:31,693 Huh? What does that mean? 470 00:20:31,748 --> 00:20:33,581 You want me to check you for ticks. 471 00:20:33,683 --> 00:20:35,372 No! 472 00:20:35,919 --> 00:20:37,786 She's drawing attention to her neck. 473 00:20:37,869 --> 00:20:38,887 You got to know these things. 474 00:20:38,955 --> 00:20:40,722 Say you're sitting at a bar, 475 00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:42,657 and a woman eats a chip like this. 476 00:20:44,048 --> 00:20:45,093 She's not interested. 477 00:20:45,165 --> 00:20:47,629 Now, if she eats a chip like this... 478 00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:55,236 That means you're gonna be really unhappy 479 00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:57,739 when you hear that Mary brought those chips back in 480 00:20:57,841 --> 00:20:58,773 from the chicken coop. 481 00:20:58,875 --> 00:21:00,508 Oh! Oh! 482 00:21:00,610 --> 00:21:02,110 Oh, God! 483 00:21:02,157 --> 00:21:07,157 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 483 00:21:08,305 --> 00:21:14,757 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 35254

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