Original subtitles

POHjOLA-FILMI AND CINENORD KIDSTORY PRESENT

Miisu Siltanen. Congratulations.

A FILM BY MARI RANTASILA

Mai Hukkinen.

Congratulations.

Are you getting pictures?

Thank you for this preschool year, and good luck for school.

Let's sing a farewell song to mark the end of preschool.

The ship is ready to sail, it's off to a place very far

BASED ON A SERIES OF BOOKS BY VEERA SALMI

I'm not really Mai.

I'm Pony.

Take it off.

PONY AND BIRDBOY

Ponies are free. They get to gallop alone outside all summer long.

They jump over hurdles and neigh so that the whole yard shakes.

Neigh!

Ponies like people, but...

...not all people like ponies.

Like Teppo, for instance.

He's our neighbour and the headmaster in the school I'm going to.

He probably doesn't like anything.

We've always lived here.

Hi!

My mum.

My dad.

And me.

The summer went by awfully fast, and the school starts soon.

What's this? - A dumpster.

Exactly. And you're not allowed to play with rubbish.

It's high time you started learning the rules.

You see, there are plenty of rules at school.

And don't think you can come to my school wearing that thing!

Adults say "When you become a schoolgirl,

everything will change."

For some reason, it doesn't sound good at all.

How long does the school last?

Only a couple of hours a day in first grade.

I mean the whole school.

The primary school is six years. - Then middle school, three years.

Then secondary school, three years. - That's way too much!

And the fun starts when you go to the university.

No way! I'll be a granny when I get out of school.

I totally agree.

Sorry. I'm just being honest.

Teenagers have a permanent short circuit in their brain.

Luckily you're a smart first-grader. - Everything will be fine.

What would you like?

I ain't lying. It's only one ninety-nine.

Look at that dude. He's got an amazing talent for finding buns.

And look at his sense of rhythm!

Look!

Hey, look who's over there.

Hi! - Hello!

We came from the summer house to buy some stuff for school.

Nice backpack! - Thanks.

Are you nervous? Only two weeks to go.

I don't think so...

Miska and I have already practised walking to school.

Oh, you're a wonderful big brother. Every first-grader should have one.

Here we go! Come and buy some pens.

I've got ballpoint pens and pencils.

And let's throw in some sharpeners as well.

Pencil cases come with pictures of monsters and other creatures.

And it all goes for... I ain't lying. One ninety-nine and then some!

School starts!

A pencil case party! Discount for first-graders.

Sale! Super sale! One ninety-nine!

The holiday is over. Have a safe trip to school!

Sale! Super sale! One ninety-nine. School starts!

All right. Should we buy you a backpack too?

How about the one with a horse? - No.

Oh, I think this is for Pony.

Should we tone down the horse stuff before the school starts?

Well, I don't know.

Is it normal to have such a vivid imagination?

She's just playing.

This came in the post.

SCHOOL STARTS SOON

JULY

AUGUST

One ninety-nine!

Whoopee! Whoopee!

Now is the time to buy a horsehair brush and a packet of pens.

For an unbelievable price of one ninety-nine!

Buy now, pay in November!

Hello! Howdy-do, nice to meet you.

I'm Birdboy, the hottest advertising dude in Hakaniemi.

I'm Pony. - Oh, Pony!

Listen, Pony buddy! Do you happen to know any vacant attics in the hood?

Or basements, or huts, or balconies, or other shacks?

Well, would you happen to need an advertising advertiser?

Birdboy will advertise anything for one ninety-nine-nine.

Well. What about buns?

Do you happen to have one

teeny-weeny bunny-bun for me?

I've got an amazing talent for finding buns.

Ouch!

You shouldn't be in there!

This just arrived on the market:

an incredibly effective home-building project package

called Homenator. The price is one ninety-nine-nine.

It's junk. It's going to the dump.

It's not junk. Look. By golly, what a Salebaloo.

And what about this then?

A portable... box?

No, it's a Yummygator. It's got all the apps and stuff.

Let's download Instagram.

And hashtag and Snapchat.

Hashtag what? - ♪myshack.com.

This is it, tsah-bam!

Birdboy, you're totally crazy.

And over the top. Guess what you are?

My horse buddy!

Neigh! - Birdboy and Pony!

We're going to make an incredibly adorable buddy team!

Neigh!

Quiet!

Thank you. - You're welcome.

I found some amazing stuff.

An antenna for the Yummygator. Now I can call with it.

Blah blah blah. Yes, of course.

It works!

Look! Cool.

But you can't live here. - Yes, I can.

I'll just do my advertising here and listen to the rain. Plip-plop.

Hey, I'm really good at building huts. I can help you!

Whoopee! That's amazingly mega-great! Let's make a deal.

I help you, and you help me. Huh?

You might not be able to help me. - I'm absolutely sure I can.

I'm a Mega-professor at the University of Helping Sciences,

and I have very scientific Master's degree. Didn't I tell you?

I should start school next autumn.

But I don't want to. Schoolchildren don't play anymore.

Wait a minute. There has been a misunderstanding!

What? - You at school?

Find five mistakes in the picture.

One: muzzle, two: bridle, three: ponytail.

Four: say "neigh". - Neigh!

And five: the aromatic aroma of a horse.

So, horses don't go to school!

That's right! - Exactly!

I won't go to school.

Everyone goes to school. - Why?

It's the law. The president says so. - Stupid president!

You can become a president and write your own laws.

After you've gone to school. - Ponies don't go to school.

I'll go to the stables, become a police horse, and put you in prison!

Rig ht.

When a horse feels threatened, it flees.

It's an instinct. It flees first and then looks back to see

if it was in danger or not.

There is no danger.

You have to approach a horse diagonally from the front

because they can't see right in front of them.

Yeah, yeah.

Good girl, good girl.

Good Pony, good.

Good Pony.

They don't let me be Pony. - Home is the wrong place.

Maybe one in a billion can turn into a horse at home.

You need to go somewhere else.

Like where? - To a barn.

Or where do horses live? In a hall, in a stable.

You need to start hanging out in a horse gang.

Okay! ' Okay!

So, because you look more or less like a normal girl,

you have to transform totally into a horse.

Okay!

Why are they captive? - So they don't run away.

Are they criminals? Vests and everything. Are they in a gang?

You know nothing about ponies. They're always outside like that.

They're not bad guys.

Look, a turd! - How will I grow hooves?

Get closer. Wanna see how Mr. Great Horse Interviewer does it?

Aka Birdboy? - Okay!

This is Current Affairs and Birdy Birdboy, good evening.

Gang horses are being held captive. That's hashtag dot boom.

Now I'm going to interview one of these dangerous gang members.

Good day, are you willing to speak?

He doesn't want to!

My friend would like to join your gang.

She can neigh really well. Pony, neigh a little.

Get in there! Join the horse gang!

Incredible!

Go on, Pony! Neigh!

No-one goes to school in these circles!

Do I look like a real horse at all?

Well, maybe a little in that spot.

Really? - Well, not really.

But does it matter if it's real or pretend, or pretend or real?

Maybe I should eat what they're eating.

That's like really genius, you know.

Go on, then!

Incredible, Pony! I mean it, that's amazing!

Go, Pony! Woohoo!

Pony! Pony!

What?

Did you trick me?

Humans can't turn into horses, right?

Did you know, the University of Mushroom Sciences...

Birdboy!

I'm not sure I can find my way back home.

Pony!

Pony!

What do you mean “might be missing"? She's either missing or not!

Oh my god, it's evening already.

I'm coming. Bye.

No-one has seen anything.

It's the police!

Hello, Matti Hukkinen. - Good evening.

Do you have a minute? - Yes, of course.

I've got exactly what you need. - Yes'?

I can solve your problemos. You know what causes most fights?

No, 1 don't... - An old vacuum cleaner.

Who is it? - A vacuum cleaner salesman.

The suction power is amazing... - I'm sorry but we have...

Our child is... - You have a child! How young?

She's seven. - Hang up now.

Yes, school starts soon. Okay.

Hey, sorry. Send me a vacuum cleaner then.

One PowerSnout is on its way. Thanks. Bye.

What? Our vacuum cleaner was pretty old.

Besides, this one was called PowerSnout 2000+.

I'm starving!

Pony!

Pony! Sweetheart.

Did you forget to look at the time?

No. I decided to become a real pony so that I don't have to go to school.

A pretty smart plan.

A stupid plan. It didn't work.

Pony, Pony, Pony!

Oh no! No!

Help me, Pony!

Ouch!

Oh, good morning.

Sorry, I didn't think anyone would be in there.

Well, someone has to organise it.

A dumpster like this attracts flies like a muck-heap.

Good morning. - Good morning.

Any plans for today?

My new snout buddy might arrive today.

Should we...

...go and see a doctor?

Why?

They could check if it's normal to run away like that.

A doctor?

Just to talk.

So, what's the problem? Stress, breakdown,

diarrhoea, or speech disorder?

Why do all kids have to go to school even if they don't want to?

Hey, don't go to school. Be an adult.

They don't have to go to school. - What do you mean?

Well, I'll write you a prescription.

It'll help you move faster in your career.

And then some Abracadabra,

Zooba Dooba, Bim Bom!

And now we make a wish.

I wish I'd grow up right now!

Hi, this is Pony. I'm selling vacuum cleaners.

It's called SnoutBuddy 2000+.

Umm, I think it's 4,000.

Yes, I think it's quite expensive too.

You can have it for a tenner. Come and get it.

Yes, thanks!

Hi, this is Pony. Do you want to buy a SnoutBuddy for a tenner?

The suction power is maximum and over the top.

The snout is like a giraffe's neck.

Its backside says "prrt prrt".

Buy now, pay in November. - Buy now, pay in November.

You'll get a free party hat.

Yes, thanks!

No party hat? - Whoopee!

Put your head in a toilet. We'll never call you again. Bye!

That's right!

You'll take it? Yahoo!

Merci, gracias, thank you! - Thank you, room service.

A Jack Russel and a golden retriever.

A very aromatic fart.

You'll get a free Mercedes Benz.

Yahoo! - Thank you.

Hi! - Hello.

Listen, I've been meaning to talk to you about Pony.

Yes, I can see her and hear her. It's not a good sign.

Yeah, she's so creative. - Creativity, creativity!

Everything is about creativity these days!

It's what stops kids from learning. - What are you talking about?

Your daughter!

You can't teach anything sensible to kids like that. Math, for example.

Pony!

Whoopee!

Oh no. - We're at work!

Where? - Selling vacuum cleaners. People have bought tons!

I'm an insanely good adult worker. I don't have to go to school!

You're not an adult, you're a child.

Children don't work. They go to school. Period.

Look at yourself.

Should you go wash your face?

We've got to do something. - Honey, there's no reason to worry.

What about therapy? - I'll come up with something.

When you learn to read properly, a whole new world will open up.

Because books have all the wisdom in the world.

Look at this, for example. It's quite good.

And this one! I haven't read this in a long time.

Read, sweetie.

And after you read all those books, you'll be wise

because "books have all the wisdom in the world".

Yeah, and I don't have to go to school. Yes!

Genius, genius!

"And the sheep's liv-er

did not give us a-ny in-for-ma-tion to speak of."

"It was just black

and had an un-pleas-ant smell."

A speaking, smelly liver. Yuck!

A bad book. Throw it away.

The black liver landed with a splat.

Crime and Pun-ish-ment.

This must be thrilling. - I wouldn't be so sure.

They reveal the whole story in the cover!

First there's a crime, then the punishment.

Really exciting. Throw it away.

Splat.

Blah blah.

Finished it! - Finished it!

Finished it!

Guess what! Finished it!

I don't think I remember any of it. - That's okay.

I know stuff. Ask me anything. - Why are there so many roads

but so few water slides?

That's a burning hot question, ouch.

What if it was the other way around? - It'd be a lot better.

Order it, then, Honourable President Who Has Read All Books.

President? All I remember about those books is the black liver.

Well, that's enough for the President.

All children must have access to a water slide.

Regardless of where they live or other stuff.

A water slide shall be built in every village, city, and yard immediately.

Ten water slides.

In addition, I declare extra days off for the teeth.

On those days, no-one has to brush their teeth at all!

Three hundred days off a year.

BIRD-TV

Those were this year's reforms. Or did you have something to add?

Have a nice evening.

President Pony! President Pony!

Pony..-.

Pony!!!

What have you done?

No, no!

My Egyptian! No, no, no'.!

Everything's okay.

My Crime...

...and Punishment.

Mai Magdaleena Hukkinen!

Do we have to go? - It'll do you good.

It takes a professional to tame a wild foal like you.

Hello. You are all warmly welcome.

I am a hereness therapist, Priscilla Pain.

But you can call me a hereness therapist.

I'm sure many of you wonder what "hereness" means.

Let's see. Most people feel like asking themselves

"Where am I? Where am I?"

With this method I invented, they learn to answer very clearly

"Here I am."

Let's see.

This is what your mind looks like, right?

A chaos of colours, events, fragments of thoughts,

crazy ideas, whims. On top of each other, overlapping one another.

But what if your mind looked like this?

An awful lot clearer, right?

Let's all close our eyes.

There's no need to worry if it feels difficult.

With my instructions, you'll find perfect peace.

Let's all take a deep breath

and say "Here I am".

Here I am. - Here I am.

Here I am.

Here I am.

Hi.

What are you doing? - Concentrating.

This is hereness therapy.

I have to stare at the tree and say "Here I am".

I see. Does it help you to concentrate?

Yes. This helps me to do well in school. Here I am.

Okay. But come and have dinner, won't you.

Here I am!

Stop it already. - Here I am!

She was supposed to learn how to focus!

I am a schoolgirl. I'm concentrating.

Here I am! - That's enough!

I'll take the lead now.

Why is this so hard? School's a good thing!

Ta-dah! These are my old school photos.

And reports.

Almost straight A's.

And tests. History: A.

Math: A-.

I was a bit nervous about tests. Especially random tests.

What are they? - Random tests?

You never know when you have them and what they are like.

It's super exciting! Every time I wake up in the morning...

RANDOM TEST

You make new friends at school. My best friend was called Seppo.

But he's dead now.

What is it? - Nothing.

New things can make you nervous.

But you can always practise.

Come on, chop-chop! Move it!

First we practise walking to school. Traffic can be dangerous.

Twenty seconds, doing good. Keep moving!

Go, Pony! Chop-chop!

Hurry! Good, good!

Ponytail ready? Good! Let's go.

These stay here. It's a school, not a horse pasture.

Okay. Let's go!

This street is tricky. Be careful or you'll get squashed.

Left, right, left.

Left, right, left.

Good. When school starts, you'll have to do this alone.

It'll be fine as long as you concentrate.

Left, right, left.

It'll be fine as long as you concentrate.

It'll be fine...

The ABC Auto Sales presents: Birdai 2100++.

So that you don't get squashed.

The Birdai 2100++ is designed specifically for you, school kid.

An incredibly epic driving comfort and breakneck speed.

So, have a safe trip to school!

Have a safe trip!

Drive, don't get squashed.

Watch out!

You need to focus!

A green light. Now we can go.

Go, Pony!

Hurry, hurry! - Good!

We'll get a good time!

Twelve, twenty-five. - That's really good!

There's still some room for improvement.

This is going to be exciting.

Look! A swing set!

Can you swing at school? - Yes, during breaks.

Breaks are the best. Let's go swing.

Come on! - Come, now.

I can't remember the last time. - As a kid, I think.

This makes you feel so liberated.

I love this!

M: - Hi.

Yeah, I just wanted to say that Pony has all kinds of skills.

We've even studied information technology.

You'll probably take the "digital leap" at your school, too.

What? - Will you even need books anymore?

We most certainly will. There's no leaping in our school.

I've got other plans.

Whoopee!

My everyday life needs more extra and luxury.

My own patio. The more knick-knack, the better I feel.

I don't get it. Where's my antenna?

Now there's no music. Hello, is there music?

Oh, but hey!

Let me hear y'all!

The hottest patio in town is now open! O-o-open.

Open.

Om nom nom.

I have to walk to school. Children can't drive, you see.

But... you can...

...fly to school!

The best thing about flying is the speed! - Yeah!

And not knowing whether you'll get hurt or make it when you jump!

It's your turn, Pony. Try and fly!

Great job, Pony! Listen, team buddy.

I think you're going to do super-hyper-mega-great at school.

I guess I'll be fine.

All these playground contraptions would have to go.

Here, we'd build a running track. A drinking station over there.

The best pupils will run 1,500 metres during break.

In the winter, they'll ski of course.

The results will be projected there. We can have a math class as well.

The Kallio primary school needs no digitalisation.

We need perspiration! - Perspiration? Hmm.

I see, you're already practising for school.

What do you think of my plans?

I can't ski.

Everyone will ski.

Everyone will ski.

Everyone will ski.

Everyone will ski.

Everyone will ski.

What a horrible old man!

If he won't let kids play, he's a monster! A real moose!

What's wrong with him? - Maybe he's sick.

When I studied in the... Scientific University,

people talked a lot about

moose torturers.

Well, is there a cure?

Hard to say from a distance. I'd have to get closer for a diagnosis.

Do you see anything, Agent Double Dough Seven?

Only darkness, honourable Whinnying Doctor.

I need the Spy's Handbook.

This book has all the wisdom in the world.

First, we look for tracks in the ground.

Then we'll determine the patient's territory

and map out his habits. - Okay.

Look!

That must be his turd!

Deer tracks look a little bit like turds. Look.

Is the headmaster secretly an even-toed ungulate?

Why not?

The even-toed ungulate has landed.

Agent Double Dough Seven and the Whinnying Doctor

were ordered to spy on a very suspicious target

who, in the worst case, might have an incurable disease!

You need some agent gear.

It doesn't help.

Hurry! - A periscope? A stethoscope?

Ah, the psychedeliscope!

I can't see Teppo.

What a challenging mission.

Oh, try these!

Will the Whinnying Doctor succeed in diagnosing the ungulate's disease?

Will the Whinnying Doctor identify the bacteria in the headmaster's gut?

Soon we'll find out. - Antlers!

I knew it! Hoof-mouth-and-antler disease!

Sparks! Fire!

What is he doing? - F-f-fire!

Patients with hoof-mouth-and-antler disease like to barbecue!

Raw meat! - Raw meat.

Whinnying Doctor, Whinny, we have no time to waste.

The hoof-mouth-and-antler disease is dangerous to animals and people.

It can infect billions in seconds! - Schoolchildren!

That's right! And it causes terrible tantrums.

And pimples, on your butt! And you want your own...

...antlers! - Yes! And guess what, Whinny.

The disease can only be destroyed by a scalding hot temperature.

We have to save the schoolchildren! - But how, Agent?

Buddy, we'll barbecue him.

Are you sure about this?

The hoof-mouth-and-antler disease can only be destroyed by frying it.

Are you sure? - Of course!

People toast themselves in the sun because it's so healthy.

We're the best buddy team ever.

Excellent! Great job, Whinny!

What do you think you're doing!

It wasn't me! It was Birdboy's idea! - What Bird?

You lit the fire!

You could've burned down the whole building!

This could have turned into a catastrophe!

The thing is, your ponies and birds are completely out of control!

Your imagination will get you in serious trouble in school!

Hi.

Our barbecue got a bit out of hand.

Oh.

The school starts next week.

Let's see... I don't think I'm busy next week.

Pedicure and hair removal can be rescheduled. I'll be there!

You can't come to school with me.

I have to go there all by myself.

Are you really sure?

Everyone says that birds and ponies only cause trouble.

Everything went totally wrong.

Bye then.

Ta-dah!

Where's your pony stuff?

I threw them away. It got too crazy and over the top.

Well, there was no need to throw everything away.

It's up to you if it goes over the top.

You're in control. You're the boss.

Like the headmaster is the boss? - Exactly.

He's the boss at school. You're the boss when you play.

AUGUST

I'm sorry, Mr. Headmaster.

I'm sorry about the fire.

Who is it? - Sorry!

You're not going anywhere!

You didn't see anything. I mean, what you saw is not here.

Okay. But it's really cool.

Is it?

Yes. Did you make it yourself?

I did. - It's lovely.

I think so too. And last week,

I finally got those eyelashes.

And the lips might be a bit too much, but I kinda like them.

This is my secret game, sort of.

So you play here! - No, I don't!

That's not fair! You say kids can't play, but you play here yourself!

Why don't you drive it?

What would it look like if a middle- aged geezer drove a car like this?

It'd look great! People would think the driver is a funny guy,

and not a curmudgeon like you.

A headmaster has to stay in control.

Otherwise I might start doing something crazy at school!

So it's a no. I'll stay in my garage.

Do you have the hoof-mouth- and-antler disease? - What?

It causes grumpiness and pimples on your butt.

Yoo-hoo!

Admit it. You like to play.

Okay, I admit it. It feels good to act silly sometimes.

That's right. It makes you feel so liberated.

They're here to pick up the dumpster. - My muzzle is in there!

Should you go and get it back?

You've got to drive!

Drive!

Cool ride.

Hold on to your tail, horsey. Let's go.

Whew, what a ride. - It was fun!

Bye then! I've got something to do.

Hello.

Hi! I was just about to give you a ring.

Listen, let's cancel the changes for the school yard.

I've got other plans.

Yeah...

Howdy, buddy friend! My bestie! - Birdboy!

An insane amount of sugar! You're the best genius in the world.

Welcome back, Agent Double Dough Seven!

Greetings from Whinny. Do you like your headquarters?

It's immensely epic, over-the-top crazy!

Double Dough Seven is grateful. Over and out.

AUGUST

I'm ready! - Good morning, schoolgirl!

I love your new painting.

So the school finally started.

Teppo had come up with a fun idea for the first day.

We had a costume party. Everyone could dress as anything they liked.

M: - Hi.

I'm a little nervous.

Are you? - Not at all.

Come.

Even though I became a schoolgirl, nothing really changed.

Except for Teppo.

Now he likes everything.

Besides, there are no skeletons or even-toed ungulates.

Miisu Siltanen. - Mai Hukkinen.

Viljam Vänttinen. - Veera Kiljander.

Lauri Kivelä. - Alma Seppänen.

Aamos Vänskä.

And we don't have to ski during breaks.

We're allowed to play!

The school starts!

School is the best time in life.

Pony races dangerously. She puts everything at stake.

Want to buy a vacuum cleaner?

Put your head in a toilet. We'll never call you again!

This is so wonderful! Marvellous!

One ninety-eight!

Pony, a-ha, Pony!

Horses don't go to school!

Finished it!

Look, a turd!

Now I'll finish this!

Translation: Maarit Tulkki Saga Vera Oy