Original subtitles

Hi. I'm Michael.

Paul.

I hear you're having

some trouble.

It's okay.

It's okay.

I just...

don't understand

why God made me like this.

He didn't. Trust me.

Let me tell you something.

You should never

define yourself

by your choices

or your desires.

Gay doesn't exist.

It's a false identity.

But this isn't my choice.

Wh-Why would I choose...

You always have a choice.

You wanna go

to heaven, right?

Yes.

If you're a moral person,

then you'll choose

heterosexuality

in order to be with God.

Ohh...

Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Where are you going?

I'm gonna

make us breakfast.

No.

Yeah. Come on.

Breakfast is the most important

part of the day.

I'll have muffins

at my meeting.

Muffin?

Yeah, muffins.

Blueberry.

Mmm.

Okay. Okay.

Then we'll do lunch, okay?

Mm, morning breath.

Oh, stop it.

Get off!

♪♪

♪♪

Don't you,

like, work at XY?

Yeah. Yeah. That's right.

'Cause you guys are, like,

the only cool gay magazine

out there right now.

Oh. Yeah, sort of.

Listen up, queens!

♪♪

Matthew Shepard

was an openly gay man.

When he went to a Laramie,

Wyoming bar last week,

these two suspects

lured him outside,

pretending to be gay.

Now they're charged

with a vicious attack

that left Shepard

hanging on this fence

for 18 hours

in freezing temperatures.

Shepard remained

on life support

until this morning

when he passed away.

Shepard's family

is grateful for support

from around the world.

They killed him

because they were afraid.

And they are afraid

because of what

their churches tell them

and because of what

they see in movies.

It's fucking ridiculous.

I hope they get

the death penalty.

You're against

the death penalty.

Not in this case.

That's like being for free

speech until someone tells you

something that pisses you off.

He died a slow death

after being tied to a fence

and tortured.

Exactly. A slow death

is way more painful.

They should spend the rest

of their lives in prison.

Okay, look. We need

to move away from labels,

because they segment,

and they lead to persecution.

People don't wanna

be perceived as gay

because they're afraid

they'll end up like Matthew.

But we are a gay magazine.

Identifying as gay

is being part of a community.

It's recognition,

it's progress...

We've been telling the kids

in the magazine to come out,

to be proud to be gay.

They should be proud

to be themselves.

Gay and straight

are just social constructs.

Oh, God,

you and your queer theory.

Class is in session

with Professor Michael Glatze.

Shut up.

Okay. Okay, look.

We need to put out the message

that being attracted

to the same sex

doesn't define who you are.

♪♪

Hey.

Have you been smoking?

Just one.

A small one.

It was a small cigarette.

Busted.

A letter to the editor.

90% are some poor teen

with religious parents.

Fucking

Christian fundamentalists

should burn in hell.

Uh, okay.

In the meantime,

there is

a design competition

for the Halifax

International Airport.

I don't wanna

move to Halifax.

I know, but my father wants me

to head up the bid committee.

It's huge.

Halifax is so boring.

But your hometown

is boring.

Is not.

Olympia?

Yeah.

It's all trees

and fog and coffee.

And the birthplace

of the riot grrrl movement

and where Kurt Cobain

wrote most of Nevermind.

Oh, well...

Yeah.

In that case...

But it's unsustainable here

unless you're in

the dot-com movement.

And I don't wanna live

in a studio on Mission Street

when we're 50.

Well, we won't be.

We'll be in a big mansion

on a hill.

Duh.

May 21st, 2000.

I used to imagine myself

growing old

while living in a house

atop a hill in the Castro.

But what's more

important to me

is growing old with

the love of my life, Bennett.

So, I'm leaving San Francisco

to live in Halifax, Canada.

Although I'm sad

to leave XY magazine,

I'm excited

to finally accept

the speaking offers

I've been receiving

this past year

thanks to my work

as a writer and activist.

What a lot of people

aren't aware of

is that the terms

heterosexual and homosexual

were only introduced

about 100 years ago.

As my mother

used to always say,

"When you help others,

you're helping yourself

as well."

My goal is to thread a needle

through the fabric

of this country

and stitch together

the lives of gay kids

everywhere.

I know a lot of you

are balancing religion

and sexuality, but,

I mean, come on,

what God would punish you

for finding love?

This is where

I spread my mom's ashes.

Oh, my God.

She's still here.

Mom, I'm going to stay here

with you.

Don't be stubborn.

You are not skipping

the semester to be with me.

I can help you through this.

I'm going to be fine,

I told you.

I feel better.

Really, Michael.

I am so proud of you.

I love you so much.

I love you.

I should have stayed.

Everyone kept saying,

"Don't worry,

we're praying for her.

Don't worry."

Everyone's going to die.

No amount of praying

is ever going to change that.

Got to get up, yeah.

Another five minutes.

I can't believe

I'm approaching

my one year anniversary

here in Halifax,

Nova Scotia, Canada.

The food is amazing,

especially the sushi.

The people are friendly, and,

although the gay community

is much smaller

than San Francisco,

I have some big plans

to really make an impact.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

Look, I have to find

something else to do.

I'm just not cut out

for administrative work.

Give it some time.

I have things I want to do.

I want my own magazine.

I want something bigger.

I want to influence people.

I can't do that here.

You're being such a shit.

We made the decision

to leave San Francisco

together.

No, we didn't.

I mean,

you had to take this job,

just like you had to take

the job that took us

to San Francisco.

Which is how you got your job

at XY,

so you should be thanking me.

Is this... this is supposed

to be Mexican food?

Why don't you go to the store

and make your own food?

Maybe I will.

You'll have to ask me

for money, though,

'cause you don't have any,

remember?

Hey.

You're Mike, right?

Uhh... yeah.

The "XY Survivor Guide"

really helped me out.

Are you stalking me

or something?

Tyler.

Hi.

I just... I wanted you to know,

I agree with everything

that you say

about gay identity

and sexuality.

I don't want to be put

into a box

just because I'm gay.

You don't want to be

in a box?

No, I don't want to be

in a box.

You're so fucking cute.

Can I buy you a drink?

Don't you have a boyfriend?

He'll think you're cute, too.

♪♪

It's a galaxy.

Um, actually it's a spiral.

It's the only symbol

that means anything.

It's infinite.

No beginning, no end.

There's a beginning,

and there's an end.

All right, well,

there's a more complicated one

that has no beginning

and no end,

but I can't do it

on my pancakes, okay?

How did you guys meet?

How did we meet?

Uhh... San Francisco.

We volunteered at this AIDS

prevention organization.

And we both got arrested

protesting

this Christian Coalition event,

which is how

I knew it was true love.

Awesome.

How about you?

What's your deal?

Who are you?

Uhh... I'm a physics student.

Really?

Yeah.

Physics.

Science.

I want to be an astronaut,

but that's

probably a long shot.

I'd be terrified

to go into space.

It's just, to me,

Earth is just this tiny speck

in the universe,

and humans

have only been around

for just a speck

of that timeline.

So, it's just...

there has to be more to life

than just this,

don't you think?

Totally.

Totally!

So, Tyler was really cute, huh?

Interesting.

Mm-hm.

It is interesting, isn't it?

Very interesting.

You know why?

Because I love you so much...

and I really feel like

we're at a place

in our relationship where

there's more than enough love

to go around,

and I know

that I'm not afraid of that,

and I don't think

that you are, either.

Hmm.

Maybe I am afraid.

Well, you shouldn't be afraid

Why?

because I'm here

to protect you.

Carrot thief.

Here's our very uncool

soccer mom van.

Who are these guys?

July 23rd, 2002...

Road trip.

Road Trip.

I'm driving across America

with Bennett and Tyler

for an exciting new project

I'm working on.

I guess both beds are taken.

I don't know

where you're going to sleep.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

This is the most fun

I've ever had in my whole life.

Really?

No.

We are making a documentary

about queer youth in America

because discrimination

against L-G-B-T youth

must be eliminated.

I just wish people could see

that these kids have faces,

names, and voices

that need to be heard.

Growing up in the Church

and realizing that you're gay

is very difficult.

You know your family

has never talked about it.

I mean, I'm 13

and it's the first time

I've heard the word.

And, when I heard the word

and knew what it was,

then it was like,

"Hey, I know that.

I understand that.

That's me."

My mom, she's trying.

She's, like, really

in the closet about it.

she won't mention it to anybody

or anything like that.

She tries to act

like I'm straight

and expects me to act

like I'm straight

along with her,

but I'm not like that.

And this was probably

more overwhelming

when I tried to kill myself.

But I felt

so invisible

to everyone around me

who was straight.

There are times when I realize

that I'm just as much

a creation of God

as everyone else.

Olympia, Washington.

This is kind of somber, but...

even though I grew up here,

because both my parents

don't live anymore,

it feels like this place

is a part of a past

that doesn't exist anymore.

And I wasn't gay here.

I mean, you couldn't be.

There was this kid

that everyone

just thought way gay

and he had to leave school

'cause he got picked on

so much.

What's it like here?

Liberty is Falwell territory,

so, as you can imagine,

it's not very gay friendly.

So, why do you stay?

Uh...

Well, I don't know, I, umm...

I didn't come out

to friends and family

until last year,

and I have another year

before I graduate.

I'm a Christian.

So...

Which a lot of people

think is impossible,

but I think

that's just as ridiculous

as the anti-gay right, so...

Just a second. Sorry.

Hey, Soph.

We're going to wait with you

until he comes, okay?

Her mother just passed.

Do you mind not filming us?

So awful.

Here, let's pray.

All right, turn it off.

Just give her the strength

to get through

this incredibly difficult time,

and we pray

that you would just

fill us all

with the compassion to know

what she must be going through

because it would be impossible

for us to fully comprehend.

Just show her yourself,

Father, during this time,

and look to you right now,

Father...

Hey.

Babe?

We gotta go. Gotta be there

at 9:30. You ready?

Yeah.

All right.

See you in the car.

I didn't come out

to friends and family

until last year.

I'm a Christian, so...

which a lot of people

think is impossible,

but I think that's

just as ridiculous

as the anti-gay right, so...

When I was young,

I didn't know that there were

people like me.

I felt lost,

alone, and confused.

I never even told my mother,

my best friend,

that I was gay,

because I was afraid

she wouldn't accept me.

That's why

we're on this journey,

to let gay kids

know that they are not alone.

And, you know what?

I learned a lot as well

because we met

so many amazing people

who've heard

their parents or pastors

tell them they're wrong,

and yet they've come

to the realization

they're beautiful, blessed,

and that God loves them

just as they are.

I mean, people who believe

that homosexuality is wrong

are going to change

their minds

thanks to this next generation

because...

Look at the sky.

It is fucking beautiful.

What is this, babe?

Huh?

Oh, it's stupid.

Somebody gave it to me

on the street.

"Where will we go when we die?"

Baby...

You guys,

where will we go when we die?

In 2012,

the world is supposed to end.

That a real thing?

I hope not.

Everyone knows this.

You know,

the Mayan calendar thing,

that's what they drew,

is the moon,

the sun and the moon

is its own thing.

We want to know.

We want to know. Please.

Mike?

You guys go on.

I'll meet you at home.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Where are you going?

Michael?

What's that about?

I have absolutely

no earthly idea.

Baby.

I was worried about you today.

What's going on?

It's stupid.

Baby, nothing's stupid.

Tell me what.

Do you think...

when we die...

we just disappear

like we never existed?

No, I don't think that

because I know

that we'll always be together.

Baby.

Baby.

Baby, you okay?

♪♪

Let's pray for her.

Let's pray.

Bennett!

I'm really light-headed.

It's okay.

It's okay, we're almost there.

Okay.

Your heart rate

seems to have returned

back to normal.

Can you check again?

Just because your father

had H-C-M

does not mean

that you have it.

We followed

our chest pain protocol,

and there's nothing abnormal.

You had a panic attack. Okay?

Where's Bennett?

He's in the lobby.

As soon as you're checked out,

you can see him.

All right.

Thank you.

I was 13 years old,

walking along the beach

with my father

when he suddenly collapsed

and died

from an unexpected

heart condition.

If I've inherited his disease,

the same thing

could happen to me.

What's wrong, baby?

It's happening again.

I can feel it.

Baby, the test confirmed...

They don't know.

They don't care.

Now I'm having

heart palpitations

all the time,

and, contrary to what

the doctors keep saying,

I just know

they aren't panic attacks.

After months of fighting

with my insurance,

I was finally allowed

to see a specialist

who could definitely test

whether or not

I inherited

my father's condition.

Now, I have to wait

for the results.

Michael, just come here.

Calm down.

Calm down!

Do you know

what this disease means?

It means I could die

any minute, just drop dead.

You calm down.

♪♪

Doctor Williams? Hi.

Thank you, God.

Thank you, God.

The test confirmed

that I did not inherit

my father's heart condition.

Although it's a massive

sigh of relief,

I keep thinking to myself,

if I was really

just having panic attacks,

then what's wrong with me?

What am I afraid of?

All I know is that, when faced

with your own death,

it reminds you

of what's important in life,

and, for me,

that's helping other people.

So I've decided

to start my own magazine.

I'm calling it YGA,

Young Gay Americans.

It's gonna be the biggest

and most sophisticated

magazine aimed

at improving the lives

of L-G-B-T youth.

What is this? What is this?

Oh, my Go...

Hi.

You didn't.

I knew you wanted one, baby.

What are we going to call you?

Ollie. Ollie, heel.

I've been thinking

about the next issue of YGA,

and I think we need to address

this whole Christianity thing.

What do you mean?

People think that gays

and Christians are enemies.

We've met so many people

who've managed to balance

their faith

and their sexuality.

But we've also met

so many people

whose parents and churches

tell them

they're going to burn

in hell.

Yeah,

which is why

we should address it

in the magazine.

The whole, "You're gay,

you're going to hell" myth

was started by mistranslations

and misinterpretations

of the Bible.

God doesn't care what

your sexual orientation is.

And the one thing

that the gay movement

doesn't understand

that I think Christianity does

is that...

not everyone wants to be

a part of the sub culture.

I'm sorry, what did you do

with my boyfriend?

Shut up.

I'm not going to write,

like...

Gospel according to Michael

or something.

It might seem strange

for a gay youth magazine

to dedicate an entire issue

to religion,

but it's too important

to ignore.

When my parents died,

I blamed God.

When I came out,

I distanced myself

even further from religion.

You see,

I thought I was too smart

to believe in God,

that He

was only for the needy.

But, after

a recent health scare,

I felt this nudging

in the back of my mind...

the presence of God.

And, you know what?

I was no longer afraid.

Some religious figures

spout hateful rhetoric

and try to force

a monopoly on the truth.

But the only truth is love.

The only sin is denying love.

Stop hating.

Start loving.

You gonna join us?

Uh, yeah.

Just one second.

What?

Uh, you're really

combing through that thing,

aren't you?

Look, my whole life,

I thought the Bible

was full of hate,

and it's not.

There's a lot

of love in here.

So, your interest in the Bible

is more than just research?

Well, there's a lot

of Christian roots

in my family...

my mom, my aunts, and...

Just curious.

Your aunts disowned you

when you came out.

That's not family.

I'm all

for curiosity, but...

Look, I just feel

like something saved me,

shook me,

and woke me up.

And that someone is God?

Mike, He didn't save you,

because you

were never dying.

Okay.

"Whoever finds their life

will lose it,

and whoever loses their life

for my sake will find it."

"Whoever finds their life

will lose it,

and whoever loses their life

for my sake will find it."

"Whoever finds

their life will lose it,

and whoever loses their life

for my sake will find it."

Don't see many people

flaunting that out in the open.

Oh...

I've seen you

reading out here before,

and I thought maybe

you'd wanna come to my church.

Any Sunday.

Just to check it out.

See what the Mormon religion

has to offer.

The Gospel teaches us

that we are

the spirit children

of heavenly parents.

Now, many people ask,

are we like

other Christians?

Why, of course we are.

We believe

in Jesus Christ,

and we believe

in life after death.

And everyone is welcome

at the LDS church.

Christ's atonement

allows mankind

to be safe from their sins,

and to return to live with God

and their loved ones in heaven.

Uh, did you grow up

with any kind of faith?

Not really.

My mother was Christian,

but she didn't really take

me or my sister to church.

And my father

was a Berkeley hippie

kind of agnostic

or even atheist.

They were

very good people,

and I know I'll see them

again in heaven.

My mom passed away

as well,

so I know

how hard that is.

I was...

I was so afraid,

and angry, you know?

Yeah, me too.

Um, it's really hard

to deal with death

when you don't know

where you're going.

But once you do,

then you have peace,

and you realize

that God's not to blame.

Right.

Yeah.

Katherine.

Nice to meet you.

You too.

She's single, FYI.

FY...

What, you think

she likes me?

Yeah. Yeah.

It seemed like it.

But don't worry.

There's plenty

of single ladies

looking for a husband.

Oh...

I wasn't even thinking

about that kind of thing.

Oh, well, maybe it's

something you should

start thinking about.

I can get you in touch

with her if you want.

Oh, um...

If you're interested.

Sure. Um, I don't know.

Yeah?

Okay. Whatever.

Yeah. Okay.

All right.

Okay. Thanks.

Embarrassing me

a little bit.

♪♪

Welcome back

to New Beginnings,

and thank you for listening

to our continued conversation

about the true path

to heaven.

Dr. Nikolosa, how would you

respond to other Christians

who disagree

with your angle?

Look, all I'm trying to do

is help people.

It just pains me so much

when I hear

so-called Christians

side with the left

on issues

such as homosexuality.

Now, I'm not

condoning hate.

In fact,

this is about love.

Choosing a gay identity

will condemn you

to an eternity

of suffering,

and I wanna save people

from that.

Whether it's abortion

or adultery

or accepting religions

other than Christianity,

you must obey God's law,

or you will not be allowed

into His kingdom.

♪♪

♪♪

I'm not saying

that it's...

I'm not saying that it's wrong,

I'm just saying that

over the course

of thousands of years,

people with an agenda

have made Christianity

what it is today.

Yeah, but the original message

is still the same.

It's about love.

You know, I would've

never pegged you as a Buddhist.

Why? 'Cause I don't look

a certain way?

No, I...

I don't know why

I just said that.

I'm just kidding you.

Meditation...

People get weird in their head

about meditation.

They think it's weird

or hippie...

I think it's about

developing mindfulness,

you know?

It's about living

moment to moment.

And at a deeper level,

it's about knowing yourself.

That's why

I started volunteering

at the Buddhist Center.

They have classes on Friday.

You should come.

I have to go out of town

for this speaking thing.

What kind

of speaking thing?

It's about gay youth

in America.

No way.

That's awesome.

Welcome to our very first panel

on being young and gay

in America.

Joining us is Judy Shepard,

president of

the Matthew Shepard Foundation,

dedicated to working

towards causes

championed by her son,

Matthew, during his life.

Thank you for joining us.

Michael Glatze,

former editor of XY magazine,

recipient of Equality Forum's

National Role Model Award

as well as

a LAMBDA's Literary Award

for XY's Survival Guide,

participant in the award-winning

documentary Jim in Bold,

and cofounder

of Young Gay Americans,

which is now

a full-fledged magazine.

What does being gay

mean to you?

Gay doesn't mean the same thing

that it meant 20 years ago.

And it's more important

now than ever

to make allies and,

uh, make alliances

both inside and outside

the gay community.

Gay doesn't mean

the same thing

that it meant 20 years ago.

It's not about...

Baby...

No.

I have to walk the dog.

Hey.

What are you doing?

I need some space.

Mike...

Look, I just...

I need some time

to figure this out,

to see where this is taking me.

Why can't you come

to me for help?

We have to talk

about this before...

Look, I just...

I need to get away

from this life.

Our life?

Yes.

What exactly is it

about our life

that you need to get away from?

Being gay?

I don't know.

I don't know!

Okay, uh...

Are you attracted to women?

Because if that's the case,

then fine. Go explore...

I just wanna be with

my parents in heaven.

Is that so hard to understand?

Can you even hear yourself

right now?

What happened

to the misinterpretation

of the Bible?

It's a fucking book, Mike!

I read the Bible the same way

I read anything else...

with an open mind

and an open heart.

Oh, is that

what you call this?

'Cause the way you're talking

doesn't exactly sound

very fucking open-minded.

This relationship is just...

It's developed

into something unhealthy.

What does that even mean?

Tyler?

You were just as interested

in that as I was.

No. I just wanted you

to be happy

because I was afraid

you were gonna leave.

I was never

gonna leave, Mike.

I've stood by you.

I've held your hand

while you were

so terrified of dying

that you created illnesses

that didn't even exist.

The truth is that

I was living a lie.

The truth is that

God loves us...

Shut the fuck up!

Okay.

Wait.

Please don't go.

Where are you going?

The thing that

will really kill you...

is repressing

who you truly are.

That's what you should

really be afraid of.

So, he just left this here

out in the open?

I have come to a decision

that will be shocking

to anyone

I used to relate to.

The presence of God

has grown strong in my life.

He told me

that my panic attacks

were caused by my shallow,

sinful lifestyle.

I've come to the realization

that identifying as gay

prevents you from finding

your true self within.

And we must be our true selves

in order to join God

in His kingdom.

Therefore, I, Michael Glatze,

no longer identify as gay.

Why did you do it?

Gay activist goes straight?

You gave the anti-gay right

the story of their dreams.

I don't know why.

I don't know.

Who pushed you?

No one.

I just wanted

to tell my story.

Look, I think

this all happened

because God needed

to teach me a lesson.

That's why I'm here...

to make it better.

Meditation is

a way of slowing down

and developing kindness

towards yourself.

Through mindfulness practice,

we develop strength of mind,

we become more present,

and we learn to appreciate

our world.

God works in mysterious ways.

He has sent me to a place

where I can get away

from the physical world

so that I can focus

on my true self...

a happier, healthier man,

free of unnatural desires.

At first,

I didn't understand

why God would send a Christian

to a Buddhist retreat.

But I have faith

in His plan for me.

Desire is powerful,

and God is testing me,

but I refuse

to give in to temptation.

I've come to the realization

that God wants me

to use meditation

to rid myself

of abnormal desires.

God gave Buddha the light

to be Buddha.

He did.

Michael, what are you

talking about?

I just want us

to be on the right path

for our future,

for our health,

for the afterlife.

I am on the right path,

okay? My path.

Michael, I...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Nico.

It's the same kind of strength

you need to...

to clear your mind.

This is... We just...

We need to find

that strength to fight

what we both know

in our hearts is wrong.

We just have to fight it.

Stop, Michael. Stop.

No. I mean...

Michael, you're confused.

You're very confused,

and it's at my expense.

People have been asking

how I am...

some out of support,

others who think

I've reconsidered.

I've come to the realization

that Bennett represents soul,

Tyler represents body,

Nico represents mind.

Father, Son, Holy Ghost.

I guess God needed me

the complete the Trinity

in order to move on.

So I'm ready to set

the record straight.

I was a heterosexual person

with a homosexual problem,

and I took care

of that problem.

I have not reconsidered.

A good number of people

have come forward

and expressed their concern

about your being involved

with this organization.

This center is supposed

to accept everyone.

Yes, and we do.

We welcome people

of all beliefs.

But we don't tolerate hate.

I don't hate anybody.

Michael, you've written

what some would call

very hateful things.

Those are my beliefs.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Are you okay?

I don't know...

I don't understand

what has changed,

but I, uh...

Here we practice compassion.

And I'm just...

I'm afraid this isn't

gonna work out.

So, because I'm Christian

and I expressed

my opinions,

I have to leave?

So messed up.

That's really everything?

Your whole life

is on that one bag?

Yeah.

Do you think

you'll stay here?

I mean, San Francisco

can't be the best place

for an...

e... ex-gay.

I'm not an ex-gay.

I'm just me.

Honestly,

I thought you'd be happy.

I mean, you never

really approved.

That's not true.

Then why haven't

we been close?

I mean,

you're my sister.

We're supposed to be there

for each other.

We can be close now.

I'm glad you're here.

And I want you to be happy,

loving whomever.

Yeah?

Yeah.

♪♪

I'm sorry.

No... No, I'm sorry. Uh...

What?

What happened?

I can't.

Um, it's not you. It's...

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Olly, it's okay.

It's okay, it's okay.

Hello?

Michael.

Bennett.

Where are you?

Are you okay?

Michael?

I have to go.

Wh-Why did you call me,

Michael?

To my friends who are trapped

in homosexuality:

I wanna thank you

for your kind comments

and keen observations

regarding my story

and my revelation

that I am no longer homosexual

and am now heterosexual.

The gay identity

has been packaged

and fed to you,

and if you identify as gay,

then you have eaten it,

preventing you

from further growth

and understanding

of your true self.

But it's not too late

to save yourself

if you follow my lead.

I am confident.

I am blessed.

I am strong.

I am ready

to give up my life for Christ

in order to find my true self.

Sure you don't

want a coffee?

I don't drink

coffee anymore.

You're well?

Yeah. Why?

Just asking.

Mm. I'm great.

I've never been better.

Well, I just wanted

to see how you're doing.

So does Bennett.

Mm.

I wish I could understand

what you're going through.

I just don't want

to be perceived as gay

for the rest

of my experiences.

It's that simple.

Are you still

with Bennett?

No.

I'm, uh, going to Europe

to study space science.

That's great.

I'm going

to Bible school.

God told me

to become a pastor.

I don't want to

open old wounds or anything,

but I also don't know

when I'll ever

see you again.

I want you to know

how much you meant to me.

And I know

you don't care anymore...

but I needed to say it.

For closure.

This whole thing...

it broke my heart.

Tyler, I'm sorry...

but I need to live

for myself now.

Okay.

Okay.

Take care.

Now, sometime, somebody's

gonna ask you what you believe.

They're gonna say,

"You're a Christian.

All right, what do you believe?"

Maybe they're an atheist

or an agnostic

or a Muslim or a Buddha,

you know?

Who knows what they are.

And you better be ready

to tell them.

We believe the Bible

is the word of God.

The supreme final authority

in life

and in our faith.

We believe in one God

eternally existing

in three persons:

the Father, the Son,

and the Holy Spirit.

And we believe

the sole condition

for receiving everlasting life

is belief and faith alone

in the Lord Jesus Christ.

♪♪

♪♪

Thank you.

Uh, one of those, please.

Hi, I'm Michael.

Uh, hi. I'm Rebecca.

I guess we like

all the same things.

I love it here.

I mean, I never thought

I'd end up in Wyoming,

but I feel like I've

finally found my niche.

Where'd you think

you'd end up?

That's a good question.

I don't know.

All I know is that

I've always wanted

to help people.

Because some people

struggle so much

when the solution

is actually very simple.

It's right there

in Matthew 10:

The road may not be easy,

but if we give up

our lives for Christ...

then we'll find

our true selves.

Where did you

go to college?

Dartmouth.

Wow.

You, uh...

You majored in music?

In creative writing

and English literature,

but I minored in music theory

and composition.

That must've kept you busy.

What kind of stuff

did you write?

Well, my thesis

was all poetry, actually.

Can I read some?

I don't have it anymore.

Poetry is from

a different life.

But I, um...

I'm so interested

in music now

because it

transcends language.

You know, it's like

people don't have to

argue about it

or judge it

or misinterpret it.

They can just listen,

you know?

I just play,

and they just listen,

you know?

I... I don't know if I do,

to be honest,

but the way you say it,

I want to.

I'm sorry.

I'm just blabbing.

What about you?

No, don't be sorry.

You're not blabbing.

Um...

I, uh, majored in theater.

Theater? Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, it was...

it was really fun,

but it's not like

it's a real job.

I actually stage managed

a little bit after college,

but...

I don't know.

I felt adrift.

So, I came here,

hoping to figure out

my path.

Me too.

♪♪

I can't believe

you've never had sushi.

Who hasn't had sushi?

It's crazy.

Mm...

Oh, no.

You don't like it.

I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Ohh...

I'm sorry.

No. I used to hate it

when my ex did that.

Always making decisions.

We can go somewhere else.

No.

No, no, no. No.

It's okay.

You sure?

Yes. Yeah.

You like it.

It's fine.

How, um...

How long ago was the...

an ex you mentioned?

Oh, it was a long time ago.

It was...

I don't know why

I brought that up.

Well, um, was it serious?

Were you gonna marry her?

It was serious, but, um,

no, not marriage.

What about you?

Oh, no. I've...

I've never been in

a serious relationship.

My parents are very,

very conservative.

Do you think

they'd approve of me?

The future pastor

I met at Bible school?

Yes, I think they'd approve.

Rebecca?

Hi.

What?

I just...

Since when do you wear

shirts like that?

Well, it's not inappropriate,

and it's hot out.

You're here to serve our Lord,

not distract our men.

I... I don't think

I'm distracting anyone.

Is... Is this about Michael?

We are not letting what we have

get in the way of our studies.

Besides, the Lord

brought us together.

It's about his past.

What about it?

You really don't know?

Know what?

Rebecca.

Oh. Hi.

Are we still meeting?

Yeah. I'm just...

Just let me finish this.

I'll be... be right there.

I'll be in the cafeteria.

Okay.

I have something

that I have to tell you.

You already know,

don't you?

Are you still

attracted to men?

No.

It's in the past.

I... God showed me

the light.

He showed me the truth.

A lot of...

A lot of people have pasts

they're not proud of,

but God forgives, right?

My life has changed so much

since I met you.

And my feelings

for you are real.

My feelings for you

are real too.

But I feel like we should

just keep hanging out

and see what happens.

Maybe not settle

on anything too specific,

if that's okay.

Okay.

Hi. I'm Michael.

Now, I wanna tell you

a little secret

about a great gift from God.

This gift is a human emotion

and considered destructive

by the enemies of God.

Fear.

You can never, never,

never stop fearing yourself.

We are our own worst enemies,

and we must fear ourselves

till the day

we meet God Himself.

God didn't put us here

to live our lives

in constant fear.

No, of course not.

And then he scolded me

for asking questions.

Well, that's not fair.

We're here to learn,

and we learn, in part,

by asking questions.

No, we're here to serve God,

not to identify

as the exact kind of Christians

they want us to be.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

You know what's best

because that's God

speaking through you.

You wanted to see me?

Now, you've been rallying

the students against us

as though

you're being controlled

by the devil himself.

I've learned a lot

about the Bible here,

and for that I thank you.

But I refuse

to be controlled

by anyone other than God.

I follow my own path.

Yeah, and you want

others to follow you.

Perhaps it's best

if we mail you your diploma

and that you not

attend the ceremony.

I don't know if I

can stay here anymore.

Where will we go?

"We"?

Uh, I've been praying

about it.

About us.

I told God

how I feel about you

and how much

you mean to me.

And you know what?

I was consumed

with nothing but peace.

Pure peace.

I love you.

I love you too.

"And be not conformed

to this world,

"but be you transformed

by the renewing of your mind

"that you may prove that good,

glorious and perfect

will of God."

"That you may know

that good,

acceptable and perfect

will of God."

♪♪

Which would you

prefer to have?

Frosted Flakes

or Fruit Loops?

Well, obviously Fruit Loops.

Why obviously?

I think you're a Fruit Loop.

There you are.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

You get everything?

Mm-hmm.

These are going

to storage.

Well, so you can have

a little more room

for your shoes?

Shut up.

I have never seen anyone

with more shoes than you.

You can never have

too many shoes.

Get those outta here.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi.

How are you?

Good.

I finished school,

but I'm no longer

on their path.

So, what path

are you on now?

My own.

I'm going to be the pastor

of my own church.

Why are you calling?

Um...

I, uh...

I got the picture

you sent of Olly.

I know it was months ago,

but I didn't respond.

So, how is she?

She's getting old.

But she's okay.

She has this

stuffed animal that she

carries around with her now

everywhere she goes,

like it's her baby, or...

Bennett, I should tell you

before someone else does.

I'm engaged

to a really amazing woman.

Now, I know

what you're thinking,

because I asked myself

the same thing...

am I really in love with her,

or am I only doing this

to be right in God's eyes?

A-And I am truly

in love with her, Bennett.

God went to the root

of my same-sex desires,

and He uprooted them.

He demonstrated

that they were abnormal.

Michael, I'm really glad

you think you're happy...

and I wish you all the best.

I really do.

I think you know that.

But I have no idea

why you would call me up

and use words like "abnormal."

I'm so sorry for the way

that things went down.

But just because we don't

share certain beliefs,

it doesn't mean

that we can't

still be friends.

I'll always be your friend.

I really hope that this path

takes you

where you wanna go.

But I also hope that

as you're setting out

to help other people,

that you really take some time

to help yourself.

I... I am. I...

I'm not gonna

sit here and say

that I know I'll be this way

for the rest of my life.

We're always changing,

evolving,

and I'm open to that.

Then...

I guess nothing's

really changed.

Yeah.

You take care

of yourself, okay?

Good-bye, Michael.

Bye.

♪♪

♪♪

Here they come.

♪ Every finger in the room ♪

♪ Is pointing at me ♪

♪ I wanna spit in their faces ♪

♪ Then I get afraid

of what that could bring ♪

♪ Got a bowling ball

in my stomach ♪

♪ I got a desert in my mouth ♪

♪ Figures that my courage

would choose to sell out now ♪

♪ I've been looking

for a savior

in these dirty streets ♪

♪ Looking for a savior

beneath these dirty sheets ♪

♪ I've been

raising up my hands ♪

♪ Drive another nail in ♪

♪ Just what God needs ♪

♪ One more victim ♪

♪ Why do we ♪

♪ Crucify ourselves ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ I crucify myself ♪

♪ And nothing I do

is good enough for you ♪

♪ I crucify myself ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ I crucify myself ♪

♪ My heart is sick of being ♪

♪ I say my heart

is sick of being ♪

♪ In chai-ai-ains ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪

♪ Chai-ai-ains ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪

♪ Got a kick for a dog

beggin' for love ♪

♪ I gotta have my suffering

so that I can have my cross ♪

♪ I know a cat named Easter ♪

♪ He says,

"Will you ever learn?" ♪

♪ You're just an empty cage,

girl, if you kill the bird ♪

♪ I've been looking

for a savior

♪ In these dirty streets ♪

♪ Looking for a savior

beneath these dirty sheets ♪

♪ I've been

raising up my hands ♪

♪ Drive another nail in ♪

♪ Got enough guilt to start

my own religion ♪

♪ Why do we ♪

♪ Crucify ourselves ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ I crucify myself ♪

♪ And nothing I do

is good enough for you ♪

♪ I crucify myself ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ I crucify myself ♪

♪ My heart is sick of being ♪

♪ I say my heart

is sick of being ♪

♪ In chai-ai-ains ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪

♪ Chai-ai-ains ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪

♪ Please be ♪

♪ Save ♪

♪ Me ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ Cry ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ Looking for a savior

in these dirty streets ♪

♪ Looking for a savior

beneath these dirty sheets ♪

♪ I've been

raising up my hands ♪

♪ Drive another nail in ♪

♪ Where are those angels

when you need them? ♪

♪ Why do we ♪

♪ Crucify ourselves ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ I crucify myself ♪

♪ And nothing I do

is good enough for you ♪

♪ I crucify myself ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ I crucify myself ♪

♪ My heart is sick of being ♪

♪ I say my heart

is sick of being ♪

♪ In chai-ai-ains ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪

♪ Chai-ai-ains ♪

♪ Why do we ♪

♪ Chains ♪

♪ Crucify ourselves ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ Why do we ♪

♪ Crucify ourselves ♪

♪♪

♪ Why do we ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ Chains, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Crucify ourselves ♪

♪ Why do we ♪

♪ Yeah, chains ♪

♪ Crucify ourselves ♪

♪♪

♪ Why do we ♪

♪ Never going back again ♪

♪ I crucify myself ♪

♪ Crucify ourselves ♪

♪ Again, you know ♪

♪ Why do we ♪

♪ Never going back again

to crucify myself ♪

♪ Crucify ourselves ♪

♪ Every day, yeah ♪