Original subtitles

Hey, guys, look what me and D.J. made at Draw and Sip.

Whoa. How much did you sip?

Mm-hmm.

Wh... what's up, Steph?

Do I know you?

You look like my older sister, who I haven't seen in ages,

but she's way prettier.

Ha ha. I know I've been a little busy with the three kids

and running a business and a new boyfriend.

That's me, unless you have a newer one.

Face it, Deej. You're a bye-girl.

Bi-girl? Kimmy and I share one sexy dance at Club Euphoria.

I hardly think that...

Oh, no, not what that means.

No, no, no. Bye-girl - b-y-e.

A girl so wrapped up in her own life, she forgets about her friends.

Bye-girl.

I am sensing we are due for a girls' night out?

Yes! Can we do another sexy dance?

I can't promise you anything, but if we are doing a girls' night out,

I'm sure a complex, unmotivated dance number will be a part of it.

Ooh.

Boys, your favorite babysitter's here.

Aunt Becky?

Okay. A babysitter's here.

I'm not a baby.

You don't have to like me as long as I get my four dollars an hour, plus...

all the Sunny Delight I can drink.

- We're out of Sunny Delight. - Don't joke about that.

And pose.

Why?

We're doing girls' night out on a '70s cruise.

We're Charlie's Angels.

Who?

It's amazing how one word can make you feel so old.

Mm.

Well, I like everything that's happening here.

Charlie's Angels,

followed by an all-new episode of Vegas.

Thanks, Joey, for watching the boys tonight.

And thank you, Fernando, for watching my own daughter.

Did you just thank yourself?

Yes, I did, and I'm welcome.

Tonight, Ramona and I are having our traditional father-daughter

I-am-soon-leaving-for-six-months- on-the-racing-circuit dinner.

That's tonight? But I have plans to go to the movies with Rocki and Ashlyn.

Why have a fantastic time with your friends

when you can stay home with your father?

- You do hear yourself talking? - No, I do not.

My accent is almost impenetrable.

I have no idea what I just said.

But I do know you're staying home tonight with your papa.

Fine, I'll cancel my plans, but I'm not gonna enjoy myself.

Now, that sounds like a father-daughter dinner.

Hey, Steve, you're on speaker.

Actually, this is Charlie. Hello, Angels.

Hi, Charlie.

I just wanted to make sure you Angels know

your mission tonight is to have a good time,

but not too good of a time. Be home by 11.

- Good night, Charlie. - Good night, Charlie.

What? Boys can't be Angels?

Okay, She-Angels, let's go.

Hold on.

- Oh. - We made it.

Excuse me.

Uh... question.

Why isn't anyone else wearing '70s clothing?

Mm... better question.

Why does this look like a commercial for reverse mortgages?

- Excuse me. - Yes.

Is this the '70s-night cruise?

Yes, it is.

Isn't it fun that they put these night cruises together

for people over 70?

Oh.

Seventies night.

By the way, you must give me the name of your doctor.

You three don't look a day over 50.

I'm 36.

Sure. Me too.

Gentlemen, OGG has begun.

Operation Get...

Gladstone.

It was three years ago tonight that our target...

- one Uncle Joey... - He's not our uncle. He's just a man.

Is he? Because I think he's an arrogant little prankster

who ambushed, humiliated, and toilet-papered us.

Yes, but tonight, we exact revenge.

Revenge.

Step one - lull the victim into complacency.

Joey doesn't suspect a thing. Check.

Step two - use his childlike innocence to lure human to the booby trap.

- Check. - Bye-bye, balloon.

Bye-bye, Joey.

"I don't think you know what you're doing, Patrick.

I know exactly what I'm doing, SpongeBob."

Ha ha ha ha. Ah, that is great writing.

Ooh, balloon.

Oh, we got it floating off! Ha!

Where are you going?

You just... Aw...

What? Nothing happened.

But I heard him step on the trip wire.

Well, well, well.

You thought you could lull me into complacency,

but you, yourselves...

got lulled. Ha ha ha.

Oh.

You should've come into the life transition seminar. Ah.

They really put the "fun" in funeral.

I've got mine all planned.

Spoiler alert - I bought the plot next to Urkel.

Excuse me.

That is my scooter.

Oh, my bad. I thought they were free, like the umbrellas they left by the door.

That is also my umbrella.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, wow. Finally, some ladies my own age.

Oh, hello, Millie.

James. I'd like to say I'm happy to see you,

but my mother told me never to tell a lie.

What're you doing here?

I didn't think it was safe for a witch to be surrounded by water.

I'm starting to think these two might know each other.

Oh, ladies, I'm sorry. My manners.

I'm James, and this sea hag here is my ex-wife Millie.

He forgot to tell you that I'm also his former business partner.

What did you two do for work?

We ran the top detective agency in all of Beverly Hills.

Oh, you guys were detectives.

Yeah, it was the '70s. Everybody was a detective.

All right, James. Now that I know you are here,

I will be on the other side of the boat.

Yeah, well, try underneath the boat. That's where the barnacles live.

Man, that was a sweet ride

and one sweet umbrella.

Oh. That was weird.

Oh, my God! Oh!

Oh, somebody help me!

The diamonds are missing, and I can't see them anywhere.

Oh, my gosh. Ahh.

I bet that blackout was a set-up

so somebody could steal that poor woman's jewelry.

Angels?

It looks like we have a mystery to solve.

I bet the thief's still on the boat.

We have to figure out who it is before we dock.

Ladies, I'm in. And I'm packing.

Ready?

PORT OF SAN FRANCISCO

Ramona, querida, tonight is no ordinary dinner.

I have prepared all your favorite foods.

Look, dinosaur nuggets, mac and cheese, and strawberry Quik.

Dad, this is little-kid food.

- You used to love it. - Yeah, when I was a little kid.

Oh, well, I can make you something else, then.

No, I'll eat it.

Just as long you don't feed me like an airplane.

So, tonight, after the food,

I thought we could binge watch my favorite Argentinian telenovela -

Fat Susanna.

It's about a supermodel who loves cheese more than her husband,

so she divorces him, gains 200 pounds and learns to tango.

Why would I wanna watch that?

So we can spend time together.

You've grown up so fast. I feel it all happened in the blink of an eye.

It wasn't a blink. You know, it's been 16 years, and...

now I have a life of my own.

And I want to be a part of it, so...

let us talk.

Papa, I get that you're feeling nostalgic, but...

you know, tonight, I wanted to go out with my friends.

Well, if that's what you want.

Then you can go.

Gracias, Papa.

I can't promise the strawberry Quik will be here when you return.

Kimmy, you're pregnant. Are you drinking a screwdriver?

No, it's an orange Metamucil on the rocks.

Mmm-mmm.

Excuse me. You think I could get one of those?

Just all vodka, though. Hold the Metamucil.

Oh, hey, James.

There's a mystery afoot. You're a detective. Want to help solve it?

Uh, no, thank you, missy.

The only mystery I wanna solve is whether I make it to the men's room.

I had two of those Metamucil pooper shooters,

and things are getting a little dicey. I got to go.

Well, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Okay, Angels, it looks like we're on our own.

I say we split up so we can look for clues for the missing diamonds.

You mean like a montage?

Ooh, we've never done a montage.

Hey, Wachowski, it's Gibbler. I need you to run some prints.

There's a dozen donuts in it for you.

Fine, a baker's dozen.

Tommy, are you okay?

Do... I'm coming.

Tommy, are you okay? Tommy?

Uh-oh.

Et tu, Tommy?

I used to sing that to you when you were a baby.

I know. And I thought I was Jewish until I was nine.

What are you doing back home so early? I thought you were out with your friends.

I was, but I thought about what you said.

And I can hang out with my friends anytime.

Plus, the movie was terrible.

How many times can you watch The Rock stop a hurricane?

In my case, six.

I love you.

I love you, too, Papa.

You know, we can always see what Fat Susanna's up to.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

You will love it.

So, when we last left Fat Susanna, she was about to marry a ghost.

I think he's dead.

Well, congratulations, boys.

It seems as though the prank-ees have become the pranksters.

And if there's any consolation,

I have taught you well, young Jedis.

Wow, thanks, Joey.

We really got you. You never saw it coming, huh?

Never saw it coming.

Yeah.

In fact, I am so impressed that I'm gonna clean this place up.

You guys hit the showers before the ladies get home.

- Awesome. Thank you, Joey. - Go on.

Get a load of someone who's better than you. Little scamps.

Okay, I've talked to a lot of old people. One couple thought I was their daughter.

This other guy thought I'd spent a weekend with him in Vegas,

but I'm pretty sure he was wrong.

Anyway, I don't have any leads on the missing diamonds.

Yeah, me, either. I'm starting to think we aren't Angel material.

I don't even know if we're Scooby-Doo material.

Angels, I know who the jewel thief is.

That's great. Who?

That's Eddy Ray Ragusa. I thought he looked really shady,

so I got his fingerprints and called my buddy the cop.

Wha... Did the perp's fingerprints reveal a history of burglary?

It turns out Eddy Ray Ragusa is a Nobel Prize-winning minister

who helped feed a million starving children.

Oh, that Eddy Ray Ragusa? Yeah, I saw a Netflix documentary about him.

Yeah, they called him the Bad Boy of Hunger.

Yeah, yeah. Starving children. Anyway...

you still have no leads on who stole the diamonds?

Ah, you didn't let me finish. After I found that out,

I started Googling the names of all the passengers,

and I discovered that one guy did a dime upstate for grand larceny.

- Who? - Who?

James.

Good work, Officer Gibbler.

It's Detective. I do believe I've earned it.

Everybody run or wheel to the dance floor.

It's time to disco.

Wait. What is James up to now?

He's about to steal Millie's necklace.

We have to stop them, Angels.

S.S. PAPOULI

You got me again, Farah.

You did it, D.J. You caught the jewel thief red-handed.

I'm not a thief.

Yeah, we saw you stealing Millie's diamonds.

I asked him to fix the clasp.

- But you two hate each other. - We do till we get a few drinks in us.

Why do you think we come on these cruises, the free umbrellas?

I knew they were free.

We're really, really sorry about that.

Yeah, we were just trying to help Irma find her missing diamonds.

Oh, the diamonds. I found them a long time ago.

This is Marilyn and Herschel Diamond.

They were downstairs playing Mahjong with the Golds and the Silvers.

Oh.

The Diamonds.

I guess there's no thief here.

Yeah, this night is a complete disaster.

Well, maybe not a complete disaster.

Look.

Aw.

This night started out as Charlie's Angels and it ended as The Love Boat.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

A complex, unmotivated dance number?

So, are you drunk enough yet?

Meet me on the lido deck and hurry up. I'm getting sleepy.

That was really fun.

It was really nice of James to fake heart palpitations

so they'd bring the ship back to shore early.

Are we sure he was faking?

Who cares? We're off the boat.

Promise me no matter how old we get, we will always have our girls' night out.

Yeah. She-wolf howl?

It's late. Whisper howl.

Okay.

One, two, three.

Hey, Joey.

- Ah, hey. - The boys in bed?

Almost. Just getting washed up.

- Joey! - Joey!

Oh, magenta!

What the...

Looks like the old, classic dye-in-the-shower prank.

Purple.

Joey.

Well, it looks as though my work here is done.

Just Venmo me my 13 bucks.

So long... suckers.

I love him, but he is not a very good babysitter.

One, two, three, four.

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