Original subtitles

Merry Christmas.

Oh, my Santa.

Guys, I worked 60 hours this week. It's four o'clock on Christmas Eve,

and you still haven't gotten the house Christmas-ready?

- Come on. Work with me. - You said, "Get in the Christmas spirit,"

so we're watching the most heartwarming Christmas movie ever made -

Die Hard.

Die Hard?

- "Yippee-ki-yay, moth..." - Hey, don't finish that thought.

Oh, come on, people.

I don't smell cookies. I don't see tinsel.

I haven't checked the halls, but I am assuming they are not decked.

Mother, I tried, but they just don't have the Christmas spirit

like you, me, and Tommy.

None of these lollygaggers moved a muscle.

They refused to hang the stockings with or without care.

Ooh, Die Hard. Now it feels like Christmas.

Oh.

See what I've been working with?

Oh, I knew I could count on Kimmy for some Christmas spirit.

Are you gonna put out presents?

Not unless someone wants my sweaty gym socks.

This is my laundry bag.

Okay, that's it.

- Wait! - Mom!

With Dad, Uncle Jesse, and Aunt Becky visiting Michelle,

I was counting on you guys.

You are all on my naughty list.

You're not gonna tell Santa, are you?

There's no option off the table.

I'm gonna see him in 45 minutes

because I am taking Max and Tommy to the mall.

And when I get back, this room better be filled with so many Santas,

I couldn't even swing a red-nosed reindeer without hitting one.

There's no time for relaxation, people. It's Christmas!

I should probably take Tommy.

- Aw... - Ohh...

- All right. - One, two, three, four.

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

Then it hit me.

Silent night, holy night.

Santa flies his sleigh through a hole in the space-time continuum.

That's how he's able to get to every home in one night.

What don't you say out loud? Ha ha.

Kimmy, what are you doing?

Duh. I'm leaning over the railing in a dangerous fashion.

No, no, no. You can't do that.

You're pregnant with my baby.

Why do I keep forgetting that?

I really should look down more often.

Whoa, did you double in size overnight?

Sure did. Second trimester started today.

When we Gibblers pop, we blow up like a tick on a water buffalo.

Pregnant Gibblers also have heightened senses,

but not the normal ones, like throwing up when you smell chicken or library books.

We get ultra-sensitive hearing.

Yep. In 1775,

Great-Great-Great Grandma Gibbler heard the British coming.

That jerk Paul Revere took all the credit 'cause she was too fat to get on a horse.

Hey, what are you doing with all these old clothes?

Oh, I am collecting donations for the homeless shelter.

I'm volunteering there for school community service.

Wow. That's so cool your school makes you do that.

You know we go to the same school?

I hear DJ coming.

Now, there's someone with the Christmas spirit.

Quick, get rid of all the Santas.

You mean the hundred Santas that you asked us to put up?

Don't use my words against me.

Tommy is suddenly terrified of Santa. He had a meltdown at the mall.

It couldn't have been that bad.

SANTA AND ME

- Yeesh. - Yeesh.

You know, it's funny,

I have that same picture of me on Russell Brand's lap.

Don't ask.

Hey, Max. How did you like Santa?

It was terrific.

I'm no linguist, but it's almost like he was saying it wasn't terrific.

But Max is Mr. Christmas.

Not anymore.

I mean, he was fine until we got in line to meet Santa,

and then he suddenly announced that he was over Christmas.

- What happened? - I don't know.

He just left the line and spent the next four hours

in a massage chair at Brookstone eating Korean BBQ.

That sounds like the best Christmas ever.

It does, doesn't it?

Oh, but instead, I've got two kids who have gone full Grinch on me

and a boyfriend who won't be here for Christmas.

Well, at least Steve left you that sweet voice mail.

Yeah, it was sweet. I miss...

Wait. How did you know about the voice mail?

I just listened to it in the car.

My Gibbler pregnancy hearing.

Wait. You didn't hear anything else, did you?

Of course not... Boo Bear.

Hey, Rocki,

it's me again.

When you get this, give me a holla. Holla!

I've left her five messages and haven't heard back.

Maybe she can't hear you over that sweater.

Oh, wait, wait. No, Kimmy. Here... let me help you with that.

Here we go. The milk, the cookie... Tiny bite. Okay.

You gonna be like this the whole pregnancy?

No. I, like your pregnancy, am going to get worse as time goes on.

Santa cookies, no. You have to get rid of those before Tommy sees them.

No problem.

Why didn't you just hide them?

I didn't each lunch.

I just... I don't understand why Tommy's so afraid of Santa.

Maybe it's because Santa is a bearded stranger

who breaks into your house and steals your milk.

Or he's a jolly, magical friend who brings you presents.

Only after he passes judgment on you in a punitive fashion.

Oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the bah humbugs.

Hey. Max, what's going on?

You're usually my Christmas hype man, spreading Yuletide cheer.

That's the old me.

I'm too mature for all this Christmas nonsense.

Wha... Wha...

Too mature for Christmas?

There's no such thing.

Does anybody got a crayon? I got to finish my letter for Santee.

Hey, Steve. Just leaving you another voice mail.

You're probably doing Lakers stuff. We'll be watching the game tonight.

So, hopefully someone will roll an ankle, and we'll get to see you on TV.

And, Kimmy, if you are super-listening, please stop.

Sure thing, Boo Bear.

Bye, honey.

Got your text. What's up?

What's up is that it's Christmas Eve, your favorite day of the year,

and that includes the season premiere of Blue Bloods.

Told you. That's old Max.

Well, I miss old Max.

Everyone does.

And that is why we are going to do everything we can

to get you back into the Christmas spirit, Fuller style.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I present to you the Fuller Family Holiday Extravaganza.

That's sort of not fair since you know how much I love an extravaganza.

Wait. Hold on. Lady with a baby coming through.

Let the cavalcade begin.

It's an extravaganza.

Oh. Well, then I want my money back.

First up in our pageant of Christmas cheer...

Oh, wait. It's a pageant? Oh, then keep my money.

You know him. You love him. It's...

Tommy Jr.

Yeah, Tommy!

Here's your paper, sir.

Thanks, Tommy,

but by now, all the Japanese markets have already closed.

Tough crowd, Tommy. Okay.

All right, next up -

he has a heart of gold and abs of steel.

You know him as Jeremiah Jeff Coat Johnson,

Jimmy Gibbler.

Yeah, Jimmy.

Does anybody else taste pennies?

I appreciate the effort,

but how is this supposed to get me in the Christmas spirit?

Don't know. He was supposed to sing "Jingle Bells."

Max, honey. I don't know what's upsetting you, but we're a family,

and none of us can have a happy Christmas unless you have a happy Christmas.

Will you at least help us finish decorating the tree?

Sure.

Okay.

- Come on. Grab an ornament. - Here. Let's decorate.

Here we go.

Here you go, Max.

Oh, no.

I know what this is about.

Knock-knock.

I'm not here.

Max, I think we should talk about what's upsetting you.

Who says I'm upset?

A house full of people who love you.

I think I know what's bothering you.

You do?

Yeah.

Because I used to have similar feelings around the holidays.

I miss my dad. I miss him so much.

Oh, honey, I miss him, too.

Every day so much.

Today, at the mall...

we were in line for Santa, and I kept seeing kids with their dads.

Yeah, that made you sad?

I see kids with their dads all the time, but it never made me sad before.

And then today, it just hit me out of nowhere.

Yeah, that's what grief is like.

It just has a way of sneaking up on you.

But why did it have to pick Christmas Eve?

Why couldn't it have been Jackson's birthday?

You know, Max...

when I was your age, I lost my mom, your grandma.

And the holidays were always so hard

because they're supposed to be about fun and celebration.

But sometimes, they just kind of left a hole in my heart.

So what'd you do?

Well...

there was one thing that Grandpa Danny would do for me

when I was missing my mom.

He would show me home movies of her to help me remember her.

It was almost like she was there.

That must have been nice.

Yeah, it was.

Honey, do you want to watch movies of you and your dad?

I know it's something you've been having trouble letting yourself do.

I think I'd like that.

I'm proud of you for spending your Christmas Eve helping others.

Thanks. You know, I know it started as a school assignment,

but it made me realize how fortunate we are.

I like giving back.

Maybe I'll do it more often.

I'm so glad you feel that way.

But I still want my scarf back.

Here, you can have this sweater.

- Isn't that Stephanie's? - Sure is.

Oh, Kimmy. There you are.

Can I make you a snack?

Oh, I'm not hungry.

Yeah, but the baby is, right? And...

if the baby is anything like me, which it will be, because it's mine,

its favorite food is going to be tableside guacamole.

Steph, stop. I'm really not hungry.

I know what you need.

According to all my baby books and Winnie-the-Pooh,

everyone loves a belly rub.

Okay, you really need to stop. Oh. But that does feel good.

Whatever you do, don't stop.

I never thought I would mind Stephanie Tanner doting on me.

But why are you doing this?

Because... I feel grateful.

And a little guilty.

It's my baby, but you're doing all the work.

I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I feel inadequate.

First of all, no one with those hands should ever feel inadequate.

And besides, Steph, you're my partner every step of the way.

I just wanna be involved.

I mean, the truth is, I've...

never had my friend carry my baby before.

You called me your friend?

I've waited 30 years to hear that.

I should have had your baby in middle school.

Ladies, we wanted to give you a special gift

so that you'll always have something to remember your pregnancy.

Well, there will be a baby.

But... until that time, enjoy this token of our appreciation

from the baby daddies to the baby mamas.

- We went halfsies on it. - Halfsies.

I have not received a PayPal.

Aw!

It's our first baby picture.

Don't worry. When the baby comes out, it'll be in color.

Oh, Max, look how cute you were.

Okay, everyone, give me a wave.

Oh. Hey, Max, look up at Jackson.

- Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas!

I miss Dad, too.

I miss when you knew how to frame a shot.

There's the Max we love.

Hey, Mom. Wha... No. Hold on.

Mom, are you all right?

It must be the hormones. I'm feeling it, too.

Feeling better, Max?

I am.

Man, was I cute.

Kimmy, what's going on?

You know in the video when Tommy Sr. took the phone call and...

none of you could hear it?

Well, I could with my Gibbler hearing.

Tommy wanted to give his kids the best Christmas ever.

He even bought these special presents and hid them here at Danny's house.

I had no idea.

They were in that weird cabinet above the washer.

It's a Christmas miracle.

Wait. We have a washer?

Tommy, it's just like the one I broke. Be careful, little man.

Wow, a Wii U.

That's exactly what I wanted when they still made them.

It's a watch.

It's just like the one Dad used to wear.

It's perfect.

Well, since I'm passing out Christmas miracles...

he left one for you, too.

"Merry Christmas, my beloved wife.

All I ever want is for you to be happy

each and every day.

Love, Tommy."

It's so ugly.

Oh.

Oh, he always had such awful taste.

I love it.

Thanks, Mom.

Maybe I'm not too immature for the holidays.

Welcome back, Mr. Christmas.

Okay. Well, normally on Christmas Eve,

my dad would be up here giving some long-winded speech

about an obscure relative we've never heard of or met.

So if he asks, just tell him I did that.

Hear, hear!

Good story.

But I do wanna say how truly grateful I am

that we're all able to spend the holiday together.

Oh, hey, Jackson. I said no phones at the table.

It's okay, Mom. It's another Christmas miracle.

Rocki just texted me back.

She said "holla."

People are throwing the word "miracle" around pretty loosely.

So where was I?

We are truly blessed.

Santa. Santa.

Oh, no. I hope we didn't miss another Santa.

Ho ho ho!

Merry Christmas!

It's Santa!

- Hey, Joey! - Hi, Joey!

Oh, yeah, Joey, right.

Of course, it's Joey.

Aw, Tommy. You're not afraid of Santa anymore.

I love Santa Joey.

Aw.

Joey, what are you doing here?

Well, a couple of Santa's elves named Jackson and Ramona

texted me and said that someone here was afraid of Old Saint Nick.

So I hopped in my sleigh and flew right over.

Luckily, I was already wearing my Santa suit.

Ginger has a thing.

Great.

We were about to have Christmas Eve dinner.

Well, you know me. I'm never one to turn down a free turkey leg.

Oh, look, there's one right there.

As I was saying...

Christmas is one of the most holy and sacred days of the year.

I said no phones at... Oh, that's mine.

Steve, hi.

Oh, I miss you so much.

Me too. There's so much I want to say to you.

Yeah, like what?

Like, I'm standing right behind you.

That's not that romantic.

Oh, no, I'm actually standing right behind you.

What? Wait. What are you doing h...

Wait. What are you doing here?

Aren't you supposed to be with the Lakers. Aren't they playing right now?

I quit. Kind of. If Magic Johnson calls, don't tell him I'm here.

You quit? But that's your dream job.

Yeah, but I have dreams that are more important than that.

- Aw. - Aw.

Look, Deej, we've been waiting 25 years.

We owe it to ourselves once and for all to just see how we are as a couple.

Aw.

Oh, we're not doing that anymore?

Aw, I knew this was gonna be a great Christmas.

Come on, everybody, let's eat. Okay, let me... Grab a chair.

Oh. Does anyone hear that?

Oh, wait. Only I can.

I hear it.

What do I hear?

It's snowing in San Francisco.

- Snowing? - It doesn't snow here.

I know!

One, two, three, four.

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