Original subtitles

...On "10Things I hate About You!"...

What the hell are you doing here? And at 11:00 at night?

You're different from other girls.

You're really serious about this modeling stuff?

Modeling's my dream.

This whole time you've been telling me

this is about your principles,

you forgot to mention your principle drives a motorcycle.

You said yourself you don't even know this guy.

If I learn he's bad news, he's gone.

[Female announcer] And now it's time

for our final pose-off in the male division,

where our models will compete

to see who rocks it in the same outfit.

This week, our outfit is the most unforgiving yet--

biker shorts.

Good luck, gentlemen.

Please take your places on the Poser platform.

Oh, my God.

They slathered so much baby oil on Trent B.,

he's going to slip and hurt himself. Huh?

And pose. I'm sorry, babe.

I-- I just-- I can't concentrate

with these cupcakes sitting right in front of me.

Uh-oh. Trent S. is doing that weird thing

with his foot again.

Still?

Even after Rachel ripped him a new one last week?

...final deliberation.

[Woman] This is why I hate

former ballet dancers who try and model.

It just makes me furious.

I would never book Trent S.

He disgusts me. Trent S. is the light.

He sparkles. He has, uh, the model essence.

I would buy anything from him.

My complaint with Trent B.

is that there's absolutely nothing

paradoxal about him.

Well, I think that we have finally made our decision,

so let's bring the Trents out.

Joey, she's announcing the winner.

What's taking so long?

The male that has won this week's Biggest Poser,

and is guaranteed a spot on the final Pose Off, is...

[Bianca and Joey] Trent S.

Trent S.

Yes.

Aspiring models, please send in your audition tapes.

Let's see if you have what it takes.

I've got what it takes.

Hi. Oh, my God. You scared the bejesus out of me.

[lisps] I missed you.

What are you--

What are you doing here?

Aren't you going to say hello?

Hello.

You've got to go now.

If my dad finds you here, he'll send me to convent,

and I have a real problem with organized religion.

If I'm really quiet, can I stay tonight? No way.

A, I'm not going to sleep with you

until we talk about sex and its implications,

and B, when and if we do do it,

it will be nowhere near my father.

You said "do do."

Can I just crash here? I got kicked out.

What happened?

I wet the bed.

Patrick, seriously.

If you're going to keep talking all night,

I'll just sleep in the park.

No, stay.

If you were horrifically murdered, it would really ruin my day.

Thanks.

Which side do you want?

On the floor.

Okay.

But in the middle of the night,

if you decide you want me...

I'll be right here.

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

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Patrick.

What are you doing?

Patrick.

[snaps] Patrick?

Oh, my God, this is so not cool.

Patrick?

Did I just eat this?

And 11 of its friends.

Oh, crap. I sleepwalk sometimes.

You don't say.

Go upstairs quietly. I'll clean this up.

Where are my cupcakes?

Don't look at me. You know how I feel about processed sugar.

Dad, did you eat the cupcakes I baked for the cheerleaders

again? Not this time.

And that time, I was going through a rough patch.

Celebrities were dropping like flies.

Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson on the same day.

This doesn't make any sense.

If you didn't eat my cupcakes, then who did?

Wasn't that overactive ass kissy blond boy here last night?

There's no way Joey would have eaten them.

He couldn't even stand to have them in the room, he was so tempted.

Well, it sure sounds like he could have eaten them.

Hey, is it cool if I borrow your car after school tomorrow?

I'll see you in class.

Later.

Kat, I don't have time to make out right now.

What's going on with you?

I come back from cleaning up your cupcake carnage, and you're gone.

Turns out your floor isn't that comfortable.

Patrick, this is serious.

You were sleep eating,

which, according to whatsthedealwithmaleness.com,

is brought on by stress.

That's fascinating.

Can I borrow your car or not?

Why do you need it? Where's your bike?

It's been confiscated. By your parents?

What happened? If you're in some kind of trouble, just tell me.

Okay, I'm in trouble.

What's going on?

What's going on is you won't stop asking me questions.

Ha ha ha!

Well, you're not borrowing my car now.

Thanks.

So I've decided on an angle

for my Biggest Poser audition tape.

Ready?

The all-American boy.

I'm going to be the studly football player,

and you ladies are going to be the smoking hot cheerleaders by my side.

What do you guys think? You in?

Of course we are, right, Chas?

Oh, sure.

I'll be sure to dial back my charisma so I don't steal your focus.

Thanks.

I'm super psyched.

Joey, did you by any chance eat my cupcakes last night?

No, why? Does it look like I did?

No. It's just that my cupcakes were missing this morning.

But if you say you didn't eat them--

Yo, I got a lawn.

I'll be right there.

Okay, I'll call you with the dates.

Did that seem weird? Whicpart?

Joey jogging like a Mexican jumping bean,

or that guy talking like he had no teeth?

No, Joey's reaction.

I think he secretly ate my cupcakes and then lied about it.

Chastity, what if Joey has some sort of eating disorder?

Oh, please. Joey's just weird.

You're overreacting.

Did you see that?

Hey, hey, Kat,

have you seen Patrick Verona?

No, why? Is that his package? No.

I saw his name on it. Why do you have it?

No reason.

He's getting his mail sent to my house.

It's supposed to be on the DL,

so please don't tell him I told you, or I'll have to home school,

and my mom's a drop-out.

Why would he do this? Do you know what's in here?

No, but it isn't ticking and nothing's seeping out,

so it's not a bomb or a severed head.

Something weird's going on.

I'm worried Patrick's in real trouble.

I wish we could just open this.

No. You can't do that.

Mail tampering's a felony.

Yeah, you're right.

A felony probably would look bad on a college app,

but we could follow him.

Follow Patrick Verona?

No way, no how, no, ma'am.

You've got a death wish. Be my guest.

Count me out, misses.

Okay. Then I guess I'll just have to ask Patrick myself

what's in the package that was sent to you

that nobody's supposed to know about.

So follow him?

[cheerleaders] Joey, Joey, he's our man.

If he can't pose it, no one can.

I'm Joey Donner, quarterback of the Padua High Penguins,

and I'm the next Biggest Poser.

Oh, no. Not the next biggest, the Biggest Poser.

Cut.

We've got to do it again. My abs still aren't popping.

Joey, we've already done it 17 times.

Your abs look amazing.

But they have to be astounding,

or Pixie Krotch will rip me to shreds.

Oh, my God. Joey doe.

I just read this article in Cosmo Girl about eating disorders,

and he's displaying all the signs.

No, that's what I was afraid of.

Wait, Joey's a guy. Guys don't get eating disorders.

No, they do. I saw an episode of True Life

called "I'm a dude, and I have an eating disorder."

Ooh, that sounds good.

Joey needs our help.

What do we do? How do you even bring something like this up?

Well, it's tricky.

The article said he'll be full of shame.

Have you guys ever seen Intervention?

Here, take my car.

Really? What's the catch?

No catch. You're just a friend in need.

Just like that?

Just bring it back in one piece. Okay.

You need a ride home?

No, I'm good. Drive safe.

Okay, thanks.

You're weird when you're nice.

Kat, Kat.

This is your mom's car?

Might as well follow him in a parade float.

Well, I doubt he's expecting

southern California's third highest-earning

Josie May saleswoman to be hot on his tail.

Here's your disguise.

Here.

Just go. We're going to lose him.

I just got my license last week.

I feel like I should warn you.

Prepare, observe, move.

Go!

I'm just worried that if we have

an intervention for Joey, he'll freak.

Plus, how am I supposed to explain

why you guys are there and not his football buddies?

So invite his football buddies.

I can't. Then he'll be really embarrassed.

He'd never forgive me.

Okay, pause for genius.

We'll do a fake intervention for Bianca,

then it'll make sense that it's only us and Joey.

Then we'll use all of his real problems

as your fake problems.

Once he hears that you guys

do all the same sick, bizarre stuff--

He'll totally realize he has a problem, too.

Oh, my God. C, it's brills. I love this idea.

I don't know. It seems a little far-fetched.

Why would he believe it? Trust me.

I've seen all 108 episodes of Intervention.

I can coach you how to react.

First, you need to be in denial.

It's the most pathetic step.

Then, you have to angrily get up

and try to leave.

The more erratic you act, the better.

Once you sit back down, we all read our letters to you.

We tell you how much we love you, blah blah,

and how much your sickness is hurting all of us, blah blah.

Then finally, you break down, cry,

and admit that you have a problem.

Okay. It's worth a try.

Yay.

I haven't had this much fun planning something

since I helped Janelle plan

my surprise birthday party last year.

Okay. Patrick's just going to this corporate office building.

Quick, park. You have to follow him. See where he goes.

Me? Why me?

Because he'll recognize me.

You're not 6'6".

Just park. Parallel park?

Oh, gosh. Okay, I can do this.

Here we go.

1, turn indicator on. Check.

2, line up rear bumpers. Check.

Hurry. I'm doing my best.

3...

3, 3.

Put car in reverse. Check.

While you're busy writing checks,

he just went inside.

Should I still park?

I feel like I should see this thing through.

Yeah, just-- We'll wait till he comes out.

See where he goes next.

Okay. 4, uh...

I miss the old Bianca,

the one who didn't keep secrets from me, like the other day.

I know you ate my carrot cake

and you lied about it when I asked you.

[Bianca] No, I didn't.

I hate carrot cake. I'm being framed.

Then why did you have cream cheese icing on your chin?

This is ridiculous!

I'm out of here.

Don't try and stop me.

Bianca, wait, please.

Please sit down.

We're only doing this because we love you.

[clears throat]

It's okay.

"Dear Bianca, I love you very much,

"so it pains me to say this,

"but I've noticed lately

"that you have been spitting out your food

"instead of eating it,

"and when you hurt yourself,

"you hurt me, too. "We all look up to you.

"When you can't see how beautiful you are,

especially your abs--"

It scares us. Oh, yeah. - Joey?

Is there anything you want to say?

I feel terrible.

I had no idea you had a problem, Bianca.

You eat all the time.

I just thought you were one of those naturally skinny girls

who'd eventually fill out as she matured.

Not that you're not as beautiful as anything

just the way you are.

I'm just saying it's why this is such a shock.

Oh, good, Ms. Tharp.

I figured I'd clue in a professional,

so I called the guidance counselor.

I'm here, Bianca.

Let me join this circle of love, okay?

It's been almost an hour. What is he doing in there?

Oh, I got to pee, I got to pee, I got to pee.

I told you not to drink that huge soda.

Well, that ship has sailed.

Let me just run in real quick.

No. What if he comes out?

Here. If you have to pee so bad, use this.

Are you kidding? I just started using public restrooms a year ago.

Hi. I need a hydrating concealer in light beige,

unless you think I need a medium beige.

Just give us a minute, ma'am.

Look, my mom loaned me the car.

The least we can do is make a sale.

Everything's in the back seat.

Where are you going?

Into the bushes.

I appreciate the soda cup offer,

but I want my first time exposing myself

to be with someone special.

So light or medium? Do you have your color wheel?

No, but I'm thinking light beige.

Unless I find medium first.

Oh, my goodness.

Your giant sales associate is urinating in the bushes.

This is not your toilet, young man!

He's not peeing. He's collecting samples

for our organic line.

Here you go. Free gift, new customer.

Oh, thank you. Awesome.

Do you have a card? Bye-bye now.

Bye-bye.

What?

You followed me?

No.

This is just my new after-school job.

So you're stalking me now?

Look, we're not stalking you.

Cameron and I just have a lot of questions.

No, I don't have any questions, not a one.

In fact, I have answers-- to homework questions.

I'm going to go sit in the car.

Where are you going?

See, this is why I had to follow you,

because any time anybody wants to talk to you, you just walk off.

I was at my therapist's office.

He's really good. You want his card?

Therapist? I thought--

You thought what?

I was going to my secret crack den

so me and my baby mama could tat each other up?

No.

I don't know. Why are you seeing a therapist?

Let's just say I'm not really having a Josie May day.

Patrick.

Kat, I'm going to take off. Can I get that visor back?

Bianca, sweetie, how long have you been struggling with this problem?

I don't know. Not that long.

It's okay.

You're in a safe zone.

Thanks, but I'm kind of ashamed.

I'd rather it just be my friends.

Why don't you think of me as a friend

who happens to have a Master's in counseling?

Now, I've got a secret for you.

Believe it or not,

I have also had my battles

with self-esteem and body issues,

so I totally get where you're coming from.

Now, I would like to introduce you to mirror work,

which changed my life.

So why don't you take a look and tell me what you see?

Can you see how pretty you are?

Yeah, I am really pretty.

You can go now.

Don't be mad at me for asking her to come, Fiver.

I'd do anything to help you get better.

Really?

Well, you know what would really help?

It would be great if you could be healthy with me.

Oh, good idea. Mm-hm. Yes.

I'll give up my food log

if you give up yours,

and I'll stop doing obsessive crunches if you will.

Would you do that for me?

For you? Sure.

Bianca.

Dad. Oh, Dr. Stratford, thank you for coming.

I came soon as I could. Honey, if you have a problem, we'll deal with it.

We'll get you counseling. Or Ms. Tharp says

there's an excellent boarding school in Utah

that's had amazing success stories.

Utah? No, I don't have an eating disorder.

This is what denial looks like.

I really don't. Joey does.

This is a fake intervention for him.

We were afraid he'd be full of shame,

so we pretended it was for me.

Wait, Joey, I'm sorry, but I didn't know what else to do

when you lied about eating those cupcakes.

I didn't lie. Check my food log.

If I'd eaten them, I would have made a notation

in the bad carbs column.

See?

I'm eating 2,500 calories a day--

lean protein, whole grains, veggies,

and odorless fish oil caps.

My body fat's at 12%.

That's as healthy as you can get.

But what about the chicken? I saw you spit it out.

And you were obsessing over your abs,

even though they're better than the Situation's.

The chicken was raw.

And I know my abs are way better than the Situation's.

That's why I'm always doing this.

I admit, I got a little crazy with the video,

but that's only because I really want to get on the show

to launch my super-successful modeling career.

I'm just impatient to take the world by storm. That's all.

I just want you to be careful.

So many models get too thin because of all the pressures to be modely,

and I don't want that to happen to you.

I don't want that to happen, either.

So tell you what.

If you see me going overboard, you pull me back to shore.

Deal?

Deal.

So then who ate those frigging cupcakes?

Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have followed you.

At least let me give you a ride home.

We don't even have to talk.

Just drop me back at school.

I can take you all the way home. It's no problem.

Okay, school it is.

So how about them Dodgers?

I'm a Padres fan.

See, that's something I didn't know about you.

Sharing's fun.

Why do you care so much?

Because.

Because what?

I just care about you, okay?

God, I'm sorry. I'll stop.

What do you want to know?

Why are you in therapy?

You were right.

The sleep eating is from stress,

caused by my stepfather.

He's a jackass.

Thank you for telling me.

So what's in the package?

A Snuggie.

Who wouldn't want a blanket with arms?

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