Original subtitles

- Lisa, I'm headed out.

Thanks again.

- Oh, can't you stay a few more hours?

I'm making bee pancakes.

- Um, no, unfortunately, I can't.

I really have to get back.

- Well, at least say hi to Meg and Mark.

They just got here. - Oh, they did? Oh.

- Hello, Ms. Dubek! - Oh, my gosh. Hi, Mrs. Dubek.

- Oh, it's so good to see you kids.

And how nice you get to stop by for a little breakfast

on your way to work.

- Oh, no, school's out for the summer.

- And I just took off because it's so nice out.

Figured we'd just hang out,

maybe get in the pool.

Oh, uh, Mom, they did not have any Snickers

at the gas station, so we got you a Milky Way.

- Oh, that's great. Thanks.

- Oh, and hey, these were at my house.

- See, I told you.

- Well, your stuff is better than mine.

[laughter]

- Well, I gotta say, you two look exactly the same.

- Oh. - And how are Brooke and Cary?

Are they still the same?

And I'm sorry, I still haven't seen

Cary's new show, the "Wind" one,

uh, but all my friends at work say it's awesome.

- Yeah, my friends say it is so, so awesome.

- Oh, hey, if you guys do wanna swim, we're out of sunscreen.

- Oh, I can run out to Target and get some.

- I'll go with. - Why?

Do you also need something from Target?

- No, just to keep her company. - That's nice of you.

- Come on, you.

- I'm not gonna make you go to Target alone.

- You know what? I think I will stay

and hang for a couple hours.

- Yay! - Oh, yay!

Oh, and hey, how's Brooke?

She's an agent now, right?

- Or a manager? Sorry.

We're nothing like your kids.

Both: Neither of us know a thing

about the entertainment industry.

- ? I-I-I'm a winner ?

- It's such bullshit.

Like, I'm the one in the industry

constantly doing good, and yet nothing?

He had to have hired a publicist, right?

- Brooke, it's 8:30 a.m.

How are we already at a ten about something?

But yes, anytime anyone's on anything, it's a publicist.

How do you think Greta Thunberg got on the cover of "TIME"?

She hired me. - Wow, really? What's she like?

- Well, first of all, bitch has been on a plane.

- Brooke? - Brooke.

- Oh. - Hey. How's it going?

- Natalie, hi.

- Oh, nice. You got a copy.

Isn't that so cool? - Yeah.

That publicist he hired was worth every penny.

- Oh, no, he said someone from "People"

just came to the hospital and asked him

about being on the cover. - Oh.

- Which makes total sense.

Everyone knows he's such a good guy.

Anyway, we gotta get to the train,

but it was so good to see you. - Yeah, you too.

- Bye, Brooke. - Bye. [laughs]

Oh, they just "came to the hospital"?

Please. He might have these losers fooled,

but I know that he worked for this.

And it is my job today to prove it.

- Actually, your job today is quite a few other things.

- I just need to get into his emails.

Oh, uh... hey, Natalie.

I just wanna send Lance a little something,

you know, say congrats for being so dang good.

Do you mind DM'ing me his new little addy?

- Yeah, sure. That's really sweet.

- [laughs] - Brooke, I vote

you don't do this,

but I have to go meet a new client

and know you're going to.

So I guess just text me when you end up burning down

his entire apartment.

[phone buzzes]

- The addy. - Hey, everyone.

Thank you all for being here

to talk about helping me win the Academy Award

for Best Actor in a Motion Picture.

Or supporting.

No, let's... let's do lead.

- Well, I'm sorry I can't be there in person.

I'm still in the Hamptons.

But I have already found the movie

to maybe get you that Oscar, Cary.

- Wait, really? - It's called

"One Night with Albert," and it's about a gay man

who had a brief love affair with Albert Einstein

the night before he published his theory of relativity.

- Albert Einstein was gay?

- It's rumored he was by the writer of this movie.

- Uh, sure. Yes.

I... I wanna be gay Albert Einstein

and win an Oscar.

- So the role is up for grabs,

but even though you're the lead of a TV show,

the producers are not 100% sure

that they see you as a leading man.

I mean, it's a sexual role,

and you play an elf on "WindWeaver."

So in the next month,

I wanna have you read for them,

get you in for some chemistry tests.

- Oh... - I want them to...

- The next month?

Is there, um, any way to do this faster?

I was hoping to fit it in before I go back

to "WindWeaver," 'cause I am

completely free until then.

- I might have a way to go faster.

- Oh, sorry, everyone.

Uh, this is Shuli... - Hi.

- The newest member of the team.

She wouldn't work with me before

because I was too small-time,

uh, but last night, she emailed begging me to hire her.

- Oh, I wouldn't say begging.

- Well, I have it here printed out.

- I will kill you. - [clears throat]

- But I do have a faster way for producers

to see Cary as a leading man.

Or wait. Cary, do you have a, um...

[whispering indistinctly]

- Uh, yes.

Yes, I... I do, actually.

- Perfect. We'll be right...

[horn honks]

[wolf whistle]

- Oh, my God.

- Whoa. Cary Dubek is packing.

- Okay. You got the role.

They can now see you as a leading man.

- Thank you so much, Shuli.

- Hey, thank that big ol' pee-pee.

- Okay, so the next step is financing.

I'll circle up with the producers,

see what studios they're out to,

and this part will take a beat, so...

- Uh, how long is, um, a beat?

- I mean, we're looking for $20 million to $25 million,

and... - Well, uh,

what if I were to just, uh, call my mom?

Like, could she finance it?

- Damn, Car, you cray.

And I love it. - [chuckles]

- Come on. Where are you?

- Hey, Lance. - Hey, man.

- Oh.

[scoffs] No shirt, huh?

Looks like someone who works to get attention to me.

- Hi.

Flower delivery for Mr. Arroyo.

Hmm.

- Oh, Debra.

He's the third floor, apartment 3C.

- Thank you.

[clears throat]

[sighs] Okay.

Watch any video online with Open-SUBTITLES Free Browser extension: osdb.link/ext

Hmm, bingo.

Huh, left your email open, idiot.

Okay, let's search "publicist."

Weird, okay.

Uh, "public relations."

No results?

[sighs]

It's okay.

I got plenty of time.

- Whoops. Forgot something.

- What else can I search?

What would I write in an email to a publicist?

No?

Nothing?

Does he just never send any emails?

- Oh, hell yeah. - [gasps]

- What's going on, man.

Where you going on this fine Friday?

- Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

What do I do?

Oh.

I'm not gonna kill him.

- Oh, look who it is. Give me that rock, baby.

Let's go.

- I'll just set off the fire alarm.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Ahh! - Okay, girl.

Now give me that spin.

Give me that spin. - [whimpering]

- [laughs] See you.

- Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

[horn honking]

Okay.

- This would dull an average knife,

but Miracle Blade is not an average knife.

Even a soda can is like butter.

[continues indistinctly] - [snoring]

[oven clicking] - Oh.

Jesus.

- [continues indistinctly]

- Okay.

- Yo, Mr. McMurtry. - Oh.

- It's Lance. - Lance.

- Sorry, man. Forgot to give you your pills.

- Thank you.

Also, I had another accident in my chair.

- It's all good. I'll run you a bath.

We'll get you cleaned up.

And I'm gonna close this window for you.

We gotta keep you safe.

- Hey, Lance.

You're the best man I know.

- Ah, thanks, Mr. M.

[laughter]

- Wait, I actually think this is

Cary's suit that I'm wearing. - Really?

- Yeah. - Aw.

- Well, and I love your suit, Pat.

- Oh, why, thank you.

Isn't it so gorgeous?

And so wait, when do you go back to work?

- Not till September or, you know,

really, the last week of August

just so I can get my room set up.

- Still so much time. That's so nice.

- Ope, Mom, can you grab me a Coke?

- Oh, and some towels.

Sorry, sorry. - Sorry.

- Kids. Am I right, Pat?

Always needing something from you.

[phone buzzing]

- Oh, it's Cary. - Aw.

- Hi, honey. - Hey, Mom.

Could I have between $20 million

and $25 million?

- Uh, for... why, honey?

Oh, also, you're on speakerphone.

I'm here with Meg and Mark. - Hi.

- Hey, Cary. - Hi, Cary.

- By the way, I was so sorry

to see those pictures of you online.

First your hole, now your little penis?

- Oh, no, the penis was on purpose.

- Oh. - Uh, it's for this movie

I'm calling about. - On purpose?

- It is this really beautiful indie that needs financing,

and I was wondering if you would want

to help get it off the ground.

It would really, really mean a lot.

- Uh, okay.

I mean, sure, honey.

- Oh, my God. - Uh...

- Thank you so much, Mom. Thank you.

I really, really appreciate it.

[line beeping] - Wow. Okay.

We are really moving.

- For the first time, I can see

how you and Brooke are related.

- [laughs] Okay, so what's next?

- So the last piece of the puzzle is a director.

I'll move as fast as I can and start reaching out to people.

- And I'll start generating Oscar buzz in the press.

In fact, I already secured you a profile

in "The New York Times."

- Whoa. And it's not too soon for that?

- No. The Oscar for next year may have already been won.

We gotta move. - Yes. I... I love it.

- So since the movie's "One Night with Albert,"

they wanna do a feature called "One Night with Cary,"

where the writer will just hang out with you

and maybe your friends and boyfriend

at a bar or something for one night with Cary.

Just whatever you do on a Friday night.

- Oh. Um... sure, yeah.

I mean, I am actually always hanging out

with my friends and boyfriend, uh, on a Friday night.

- So he'll meet you and your crew at 8:00

wherever you want. - Cool.

Uh, yeah, let me just, uh, call, uh,

my boyf and, uh, BFFs

and just make sure we're on for our normal hang sesh.

- All right. [phone buzzes]

Oh. Now it's the sister. Sorry.

So there was nothing in his email,

and he washed an old man's butt for free?

Maybe they did just ask him.

- Shuli, no. He hired a publicist.

I just need to see his phone contacts for proof,

but I can't go back in looking like myself,

because the doorman knows I stole his keys.

- That's probably for the best.

- So I went in as a redhead. - What?

Why does this even matter?

- Because if he didn't hire a publicist, he's, what,

inherently better than us and everyone just knows it?

I mean, what does that make me, Shuli,

dog shit?

- Okay, this sort of feels like a therapy situation.

- [whispering] Oh, I gotta go. I'll keep you posted.

[line beeping] - These fucking Dubeks.

- ? My whole life with you ?

? 'Cause you're the sweetest girl in the entire world ?

- All right. - ? And I would die for you ?

[vocalizing]

- [sighs] God.

Okay.

Michael ConEd. No.

Sharon Haircut. No.

Where is publicist?

[phone ringing and buzzing] Oh.

- [singing indistinctly]

- [groans] Unreal.

Mom?

- Hi, Brookie. Guess what I'm playing.

"Apples to Apples"!

- Ew. Literally why? - Oh.

- Oh, what do you think about doing an expos�

on "P!" about nurses?

Like, how much good do they really do?

Because between you and me,

feels like it's more the doctors.

- Um, sure, honey.

I mean, I guess we could...

- And since we're not getting the recognition we deserve

for our "Night of Undeniable Good,"

I wanna have meetings all next week

about more good stuff we can do for "P!," okay?

- Oh, rats.

- Oh, fuck. He's out of the shower.

I gotta go. [line beeping]

- God. She hung up.

- Okay.

Oh!

- Wait. Where's my phone?

God, I always lose that thing.

But wait, there's an app Brooke told me about

I can use to find it.

It makes my phone emit a big, loud screeching noise.

- Uh... - Wait, shit, what's it called?

- [scoffs] Doesn't remember 'cause he never listens.

Yet everyone says he's... - Oh!

Find My Phone!

Brooke told me about it at the zoo.

She had just said that Alexis Bledel

is probably mean in real life.

- Okay, so he does listen?

But who the hell talks to themselves this much,

like, out loud?

Who's this even... [phone pinging]

[gasps]

- Wait, it's outside?

How's it...

[metal clanking] - Aah!

[thud]

What? Yo!

Hey, man! What the hell? - It's okay.

He's not gonna chase me in just a towel.

- Get back here, or I'll have to chase you in just a towel!

- Fuck. [groaning]

- Hey!

Hey! - Huh?

[birds chirping]

- Okay, where is my boyfriend?

[laughter]

- Nice and light, man, all right?

Nice.

[dramatic music]

- Oh, there he is.

- Out of whiskey.

[glass shatters] - Hey, honey.

Uh, just, uh, stopping by to see if I could ask a fave.

Um, so "The Times" wants to do this really cool profile on me

where I hang out with my boyfriend...

- You know we can't be seen in town together.

We'll get ourselves killed... or worse.

- Totally.

I know, uh, you are a closeted sheepherder now

and we are only supposed to really hang up here

on the range,

but I just thought maybe this once...

- Oh, I'm so fucked up since I met you.

I'm just... I'm nowhere.

I'm nothing.

[whimpers]

- Sorry, is this from your new movie?

Because it's very similar to "Brokeback."

- It's just, what we're doing up here, it ain't right.

It ain't natural.

- It's also like "God's Own Country"?

Wait, are they making another one of these?

Or wait, is this... sex?

Are we about to have sex?

Oh, right. They have sex in these.

These characters do have sex.

Oh, thank the Lord, yeah. Let me see that dick.

Let me see that big, fat... - [growls]

- Okay, whoa.

Getting right to it. I guess I'll have to see

that dick later, but, yes, let's... oh.

Sorry, I just wanna make sure we have lube in the tent.

Not sure I saw... - [spits]

- Hmm.

Not quite sure that's gonna do the trick.

Is there really no lube in here?

Well, let's at least do more than just the one... oh!

[groans] I mean, yes.

Oh, finally happening.

- Yeah. - Love this.

[grunts] Hooray.

- Okay, so that's a no on the boyf.

Guess I'll try some friends.

Oof.

[sighs]

[clears throat]

[line trills]

Hey, um, so I am calling because I need some friends

for this, uh, "New York Times" thing tonight,

and I'm not sure if we are friends, uh, but...

- Cary, you are my best friend.

Oh, but sadly, I do have plans tonight with, um, a lady.

- Oh, okay, well, I'm... I'm glad you're...

You're getting back out there.

And that's cool.

I've got tons of other people I could try.

- So I wasn't dead last? [line beeping]

Hell... hello?

- Uh...

[line trills]

[phone buzzing]

[phone pinging] - Hey, get back here, man!

- Cary? Why are you calling Lance?

- Brooke? Why do you have Lance's phone?

And what's that alarm?

And why does it sound like you might be dying?

- 'Cause I stole it to prove that he hired a publicist,

but then he saw, so he started chasing me.

And I tried to lose him by running

into some random building, but it turns out,

it's a fucking utility closet or something.

And now I'm trapped like a goddamn animal. Fuck!

- So I take it neither of you are free for a party tonight.

Also, why didn't you just drop the phone?

- 'Cause I know there's a clue in here, Cary.

I just gotta find it. - Hey, yo, man!

I know you're in there!

- Fuck. He's right above me.

I gotta go, Car. - Ugh.

So I guess I'll just text every single person

in my phone and hope someone shows up to be my friend?

Both: God, that's some dark shit.

- Come on, dude! Game over!

There's nowhere else to run!

And you know what? I'm calling the cops!

- Yeah, fuck, fuck, fuck.

- Is what I would say if I didn't believe

that we all make mistakes!

- [groans] Come on.

- 'Cause you may have done some bad things,

but I don't think you're a bad person.

- You don't?

- So how about you just give me my phone back,

and I'll let you go but not before

giving you $600 in cold hard cash.

You can go get yourself a hot meal or maybe even

a new phone, 'cause it seems like you really need one.

- Jesus, did "People" just find him?

[phone buzzing]

Wait, holy shit.

My PR crew?

"You guys got me this"?

Yes! Fucking knew it, baby!

[knocking] - Hey, man, I'm sorry.

It's just, it's been, like, this kind of

weird amount of time without you responding, so I'm just...

Can I have it back?

- Oh. [with deep voice] Yeah, sure.

[normally] 'Cause I got just what I need.

- Thank you.

- Also, I do need a new phone.

[upbeat music playing]

? ?

- Thanks so much for doing a profile like this.

We find it to be a fun peek inside a celeb's life.

It lets the reader experience them with their loved ones,

their friends. - Totally.

Uh, such a fun idea.

- Can you introduce me to everyone?

- Oh, yeah, sorry. Uh, how rude of me.

Um, this is my ex-agent, uh, Shrimp Scampi.

- No, actually, it's... It's Skip Schamplin.

Wait, hold on. Is it Shrimp Scampi?

Huh. They both sound right.

- Oh, my God.

And, uh, this is Vishant Acharya,

another dear friend I met when I worked at his restaurant.

- Yes, though it, uh, sadly shuttered on March 12, 2020.

That fateful day, someone found a rat in their pasta.

- Ew. And, uh, finally,

this is Michael...

Haircut or, uh...

- My last name's actually Engel.

I just used to cut his hair.

- So yeah, these my besties.

Love these kooks.

Uh, anyway, guys, go, dance, mingle.

- How unusual all your best friends

are from your very distant past.

- Well, I'm humble.

I still cherish the people who...

Who knew me when.

Yeah, let's... Let's go with that angle.

[sighs]

God, please let someone real show up.

- So you stole his phone

and he chased you for three miles

to give you $600?

Yeah, I think it's time to call it.

He's just that good. - Nope, no,

because then I saw a text from his PR crew.

They're coming over at 8:00, so I'm thinking

I could get there early, hide in his closet,

and then catch him in the act.

- Brooke, do not do that.

- Okay, I will take that into consideration.

- Plus, the doorman definitely knows your face now.

I mean, you'd have to go back in in, like,

full prosthetics... [laughs]

Like your mom used to do.

- No, you're right.

That would be too far.

- That would be truly unhinged.

It would be like the Brooke I knew is dead

and a new, darker Brooke had risen in her place.

- Cool. Then yeah, I won't do it.

[buzzer blares] - Oh.

- [whispering] Oh, okay, I gotta go.

I'm walking into a movie.

- She's not walking into a movie.

- It's open.

- Showtime, baby.

Time to see your PR crew, Nurse Arroyo,

because I know you got down in the muck for this.

- Uncle Lance, Uncle Lance, Uncle Lance!

- Huh? - Yes!

The whole Puerto Rico crew!

- Oh, my God, it's his entire extended family

from Puerto Rico?

- We're so proud of you, Lance!

- Hey, you guys got me this.

- Let's celebrate Lance all night.

- Cary, I don't know if you heard,

but they're making another movie

that's kind of like "Brokeback Mountain."

- No, I'm... I'm painfully aware.

- Oh, I think another friend is here.

- Oh, good, I look forward to turning around

and seeing who it is.

- Hey, Gary.

- Hey. Uh, everyone,

my old Improv 101 teacher.

Yep, another one of my true ride-or-dies.

Tom.

- Hey, thank you so much for sticking with me

despite the allegations.

- Uh, sorry, what allegations?

- Hmm? - Okay, what do you say

we get the whole posse together for a pic?

- Oh, sure. Um, and...

And why don't we have my improv teacher take it?

- Shouldn't we wait for the old guy?

I think he went to go pee.

? ?

- So much better when it's not crowded.

Whoa, Vishant?

Long time, no see.

- What?

We've been hanging here all night.

You invited me to this.

- What? Wha...

Oh, wait, is Cary here?

I'm the other gay waiter.

But I guess it's cool,

like, you and he still hang.

- Yeah, "The New York Times"

is doing a profile on him,

and they wanted all of his best friends to be here for it.

So naturally, he thought of me.

- Hey, why is Cary Dubek

taking pics with the guy who cuts my hair?

- And the guy who cuts my hair?

- Thanks again for flying us all in, cuz.

I don't know anyone more dedicated to his family

than you.

- God, I cannot do this all night.

I guess I'll sneak out a third time?

- Wait, did I ever tell you guys

about the time Lance tried to donate so much blood,

he passed out? [laughter]

- Yeah, I'm out of here. - He just kept saying,

"Please, let me donate more. People need the blood."

- Yeah, like, 4 liters of the stuff.

[buzzer blares] - Hey, everybody!

- Aunt Connie, you made it.

My girl! - Aunt... Aunt Connie?

- How's your leg? - I'm so sorry I'm late.

- Please, who cares? We just wanna see that ring!

- Let's go!

- Aw, Connie's getting married? - Look at it.

- Okay, wait, wait, I got another one.

Remember the time that Lance saved that little bird?

- Oh, my God!

I have a "Lance saving a little animal" story too!

- Me too. - Me three!

- Okay, no, bye.

[muffled chatter]

- You know, Cary? - Yeah.

- This man has a very interesting look.

Are you in need of an acting agent?

- No, I'm a full-time journalist.

- Are you in need of an assistant?

Perhaps a brand-new Tempur-Pedic mattress?

- Oh, my God.

- I'm very good at picking out a person's firmness.

You look like a seven to me. - Hey, guess what.

I saw Cary downstairs. - What?

I'm Cary.

Or wait, is... is Curtis here?

You... you didn't tell him why you were here, right?

Just 'cause, uh, I...

I don't want him to be mad that I invited you and not him.

That's all. - No.

I didn't tell him, but I met all his friends,

and they're so nice.

And his boyfriend, he's hot too.

Great big lads.

- Wait, he has... He has a boyfriend now?

That's... that's great. - Yeah.

And they're all going to Curtis' aunt's house

in the Hamptons for his birthday next week.

- Major jeals, right?

- Yeah, no, he, uh... He always does that.

It's... it's fun.

It's, um... Yeah, I'm happy for him.

- So we're gonna add a little bit of cheese to that...

- [grunting]

[sighs]

Damn it.

Shit.

[horn honking]

- [breathing heavily]

- [muffled] Jesus Christ.

[grunts] Okay.

Oh.

Not doing that again.

[groaning]

[oven clicking]

[gasps]

What? Oh, my God.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Aah!

What do I do? Aah!

[whimpering]

Fuck. Please, no.

Ugh!

[flames roaring]

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

- Fuck, fuck, fuck!

[upbeat music playing]

? ?

- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! [fire alarm blaring]

Okay, so now it goes off?

- I'm sure I have at least 30.

- Okay, everybody downstairs. Go.

I'm right behind you.

I just wanna make sure everyone else is out safe.

- [coughing] - What's your emergency?

- Please, quick! There's a fire.

- Don't worry. Help is on the way.

[door banging]

- Hello, ma'am! I'm here to help!

- Whoa. That was actually so fast.

- My name is Lance Arroyo.

- [groans] Just leave me.

Let me die. - ? Dance until we ?

- Hey, Mack.

Just checking in on the, uh, director sitch.

As a reminder, I am fully free until "WindWeaver."

Nothing else going on. So, uh, excited to shoot.

[sighs]

- Hey, is Lucas Lambert Moy coming tonight?

Would love to have him for this.

- No. No, no, no.

Uh, even though things are

so, so great with us right now, um,

I do... I just like to keep my Fridays for just my friends.

Holy shit. Edie?

Uh, speaking of, uh, one of my very best friends is here now.

- Hi. Can you tell me

who invited me to this thing?

I, uh... I didn't save the number.

It's not familiar to me, and they've been

texting me for, like, a year.

It's starting to drive me nuts.

Oh, Cary Dubek.

All right, that makes sense.

Uh, all right, I have a dinner thing,

so as far as you know, I was... I was never here.

- Wait... Edie?

Edie.

Edie. Edie!

- Okay, let's move. - Yeah, let's do it.

- Um, I should just probably say bye to Cary first, right?

Like, if Vishant told him I was here,

I... I don't wanna be an asshole, so...

Okay, um, I guess never mind.

- [groans]

- Hey, Cary Dubek?

- Oh, my God.

Are we friends? Hi.

- No, I'm with Sallie Mae.

You haven't made a loan payment in seven years,

but you texted me your location,

so I thought I'd show up and get the $14,000 in person.

Credit card?

[indistinct chatter, laughter]

- [sighs]

[triumphant music]

[cheers and applause]

[in slow motion] - Ugh.

- You're gonna be okay.

[normally] - Okay, no.

I can... you know, I can walk from here,

but thank you, sonny.

- You got her? - Oh, my God.

Your eyebrow's falling off.

- Oh, um, guess that fire really licked me good.

[cheers and applause] - Yes! Yes!

Rescue me, Daddy!

- Okay, sort of feels like you guys

could take it from here, no?

- Okay, is everyone accounted for?

- Yeah, yeah. That's everyone.

- Let's hear it for my sobrino Lance!

[cheers and applause]

- Oh, wait, hold on, hold on. Where's Connie?

- What? - [gasps]

Did she not come out with us? - I... I didn't see her.

- Oh, shit. Connie, oh, my God.

- She's still inside! - What?

- Connie! - Aunt Connie!

- Connie's still in there? - Aunt Connie!

- C-Connie's still in there?

- My God. [sirens wailing]

[horn blaring]

- [belches] Oh, God.

Fucking tent.

- [snoring]

Is that a bear?

- No, it's me.

It's just me.

Listen, I can't do this anymore.

I'm so fucked up.

I'm so fucked up since I met you.

I just... I got no one, nothing.

It's not right what we're doing together.

It's not natural. I just...

I wish I knew how to... Oh, my God, I almost said

quit you. Jesus!

It shouldn't be like this.

It shouldn't fucking be like this.

[both breathing heavily]

[both grunting]

[both grunting]

- [groans]

Yeah. [grunting]

Oh.

[grunting]

Oh, yes.

Oh. [messages swooshing]

[sirens wailing]

- FD's here.

- Oh, my God. I killed Connie.

Wait, where's that from? - She was just with us.

She was dancing. - No, she got tired, remember?

- Yeah, I saw her go lie down.

- Shit. So she's sleeping?

- We got one trapped inside. Let's go.

Move, please. Move, please.

Go, go, go, go, go! - Oh, my... fuck.

Fuck.

- [laughs]

Look at me!

I'm being saved!

- [sighs] - Oh, my God.

- Connie! - What?

I saw everybody else getting the royal treatment,

so I ducked back in, and now I'm being saved

by "People's" sexiest man.

- Ew!

You're related to him, Connie.

- Oh, my God. Thank God, Connie.

- Okay, folks, fire's been contained.

There is some damage to the kitchen in 4C.

Could have been worse. Could have been a lot worse.

Special thanks to Mr. Arroyo for getting everyone out.

[cheers and applause]

- Lance!

- It's okay. You guys just had me freaked out, yo!

- Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

I guess he is just that good.

He is truly good, and I am... bad?

I don't think it could be any clearer that I am just bad.

[phone ringing]

What? Hello?

- Hi, there. Good evening.

My name is Angelica Yates.

I'm with the GFP Board of Jurors.

Is this Brooke Dubek?

- Yeah, this is she.

- I'm calling to inform you that "ChaseDreams Presents:

A Night of Undeniable Good" has been selected to receive

the 2023 Peabody Award for Excellence in Media

in the category of Public Service.

- What? A Peabody Award?

- Yes. Congrat...

- Oh, my God.

I am good!

Yes!

Brooke Dubek is good!

- My fucking kitchen!

- [groaning]

[laughs]

That was incredible. - [sighs]

So much better than Marvel's Simu Liu.

- [chuckles]

- Oh, I've missed you so much, Streety.

- I missed you too, my Patricia.

- But this just can't happen again.

- No.

No, no, no, because I thought about it,

and it could be fun that you always need to wear

prosthetics to go to dinner.

It'll be like every day is Halloween.

- No.

I just... I can't have you be part of my family

anymore, Streeter.

I need you to just be my manager

so my family can be my family.

- What do you mean?

- I just... [sighs]

I didn't miss anything in Ohio except my kids.

I was there, and I realized I don't have my kids anymore

or not the way I had them.

And everything in my life can be insane

but not me and them.

We need to be normal.

And if we're normal, then I can handle the rest.

So first thing tomorrow, I need to pull out of Cary's movie.

And I need to...

I need to fire Brooke as my manager.

Okay, good night.

[sighs]

- Uh-oh.

[upbeat music]

- [singing in Spanish]

? ?

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