Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,381
Can you believe they fit
38 sugar cubes in here?
2
00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:09,551
Hey, how much
will you give me
3
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:09,969
if I can put them all
in my mouth?
4
00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:13,305
Nothing.
5
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,140
You're on.
6
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,061
Hey.
Hey.
7
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:21,647
Hi, honey.
8
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:22,648
Stop it.
9
00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:28,320
All of them.
10
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:33,951
So, good news.
11
00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:35,369
You know how we wanted
the Central Park birdhouse
12
00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:37,287
for our wedding?
Yep.
13
00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:38,372
They had a cancellation.
It's ours in two weeks.
14
00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,374
Oh, wow,
that's good news.
15
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,041
I thought you were planning
your wedding in your hometown.
16
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,919
We were, but that's
when the boathouse
wasn't available.
17
00:00:44,043 --> 00:00:46,296
Now, it is.
Oh, I love the boathouse.
18
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:47,923
Such a romantic setting.
19
00:00:48,047 --> 00:00:50,342
You know what else
is romantic?
20
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:51,259
The coatroom
in the boathouse.
21
00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:55,806
Don't act like
you don't remember
that bar mitzvah.
22
00:00:58,017 --> 00:00:59,476
Anyway,
all I have to do
23
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:00,811
is call this woman Heidi
back to confirm.
24
00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:02,396
Oh, Heidi!
25
00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:04,023
Hope it isn't Heidi-ho.
26
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,441
Oh. (SCOFFS)
Here we go.
27
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,985
Who's "Heidi-ho"?
28
00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:09,653
This woman that Jeff and I
went to college with
29
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,822
who always had a thing
for him.
30
00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:13,657
Audrey thinks that
Heidi and I had a fling
31
00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:15,242
before we started dating,
but we didn't.
32
00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:17,494
I know that's hard
to imagine,
33
00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:18,537
what, with all of this.
34
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,122
(CHUCKLES)
35
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:22,791
Well, why are you so sure
she did?
36
00:01:22,917 --> 00:01:24,209
Because she would
openly flirt with him
37
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,003
right in front of me,
touching him,
38
00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:28,047
laughing at his jokes.
39
00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:29,006
He's not funny.
40
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,884
So for our wedding,
I figured...
41
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,552
AUDREY: You wanna know why?
42
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:35,596
Because we see her
at a reunion,
43
00:01:35,721 --> 00:01:36,805
she still flirts with him.
No, she doesn't,
44
00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:38,473
why are we still
talking about this?
45
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,225
Because you won't
just admit it!
46
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:41,602
I'm not gonna take credit
for something that isn't true.
47
00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:43,395
Oh, please.
48
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,397
You take credit for
inventing the word
"supersize."
49
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,775
Hey, I heard a lot of people
start using that word
50
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:48,859
right around the same time
I did.
51
00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:52,404
So enough about us
and our big day.
52
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:53,280
What's up
with you guys?
53
00:01:57,993 --> 00:01:59,954
♪ How many ways
to say I love you?
54
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,584
♪ How many ways
to say that I'm not scared?
55
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:12,466
♪ With you by my side
There is no denying
56
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:15,218
♪ I can't wait
for me and you ♪
57
00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:24,478
Here's your lunch, sir.
58
00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:26,730
Great.
59
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,565
Oh, hey, can you call
the manufacturer
60
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,943
of my fancy watch
and report a problem?
61
00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:32,987
Oh, um,
what problem is that?
62
00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:35,823
Well, it says
it's 12:37,
63
00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:38,366
but that can't be right
because I know my lunch
64
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:39,785
is supposed to come
no later than 12:30.
65
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:46,166
I get it, I'm seven minutes
late with your lunch.
66
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:47,334
Perhaps you could've snacked
on your self-satisfaction.
67
00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:50,754
So what happened?
68
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:54,133
Did you make some sort
of detour?
69
00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:56,343
No, sir, just a long line
at the deli today.
70
00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:58,512
Oh, you didn't
stop anywhere?
71
00:02:58,637 --> 00:02:59,972
Not even
that nerdy bookstore
72
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:00,931
with the vintage books
you like?
73
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:03,809
The one that smells
like antique farts?
74
00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:09,023
Um, you know,
come to think of it,
75
00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:09,815
I did pop
into that shop...
76
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,108
Oh, okay.
77
00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:13,401
But how did you know?
78
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,987
Oh, just...
Lucky guess.
79
00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:17,405
I suppose so.
80
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,366
Hey, Tim,
81
00:03:19,491 --> 00:03:21,284
in the future,
maybe no more lies?
82
00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,831
I mean,
I don't lie to you.
83
00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:27,166
I'd expect the same
in return.
84
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:29,376
You do nothing
but lie to me.
85
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,504
Oh, boo-hoo, Tim.
86
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,131
Go cry to your friends
at the fart store!
87
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,640
So Audrey's still upset
with that Heidi girl?
88
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,559
Yeah, you know,
Audrey and I have had a lot
of fights over the years,
89
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,602
but this is truly
one of her favorites
90
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:48,854
because she knows
I can't win.
91
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,315
What?
Why can't you win?
92
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,942
'Cause you can't prove
a negative.
93
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,903
Sure you can.
No, you can't.
94
00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:58,113
It's like if I said
"Hey, I heard that,
one time at camp,
95
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:58,989
"you touched
another dude's wiener."
96
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:01,324
Well, Kyle's a liar.
97
00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:08,707
Wait, what?
What, what?
98
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:09,666
Who?
99
00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:12,211
Uh, nothing.
100
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:15,130
Oh.
101
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,965
Well, listen,
if you didn't
sleep with Heidi,
102
00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:19,051
you should have,
because Audrey
already thinks you did
103
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:20,802
which supports my theory:
104
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,222
Never leave untapped
that which could be tapped.
105
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:26,683
It was never
really an option.
106
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,102
She's just
a flirty girl.
107
00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:29,603
I mean, she was that way
with everybody.
108
00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:31,563
Well, I believe you
because you're trustworthy,
109
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:32,689
and that's
an important quality,
110
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,442
one that I like
in my best man.
111
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,945
Oh, boy.
Oh, no.
112
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:39,738
Yes, yes,
this is a tough
decision for me,
113
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:42,532
but you're the two guys
who know me the best.
114
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:43,408
I don't know.
Kyle might know
a thing or two.
115
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,369
No.
116
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,289
No.
It's gotta be you two.
117
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:52,126
You know, as much
as I hate to say this,
118
00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:53,376
I really think
Russell's the man
for the job.
119
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,295
He's your boss.
All right.
120
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,213
He took you
under his little wing.
121
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,134
You know,
but what I say
122
00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:01,802
is that I think
it might be Jeff
123
00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,054
because he's been
to the altar.
124
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,513
He's made the
same mistake,
you know?
125
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,683
Yeah, I, I...
I was a...
126
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:09,893
I was afraid you guys
might fight over this.
127
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:11,937
Is that
what's happening?
128
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,482
Well, that's why
I prepared this:
129
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:18,152
A list of questions
to see who knows me best.
130
00:05:18,277 --> 00:05:18,944
Now, whoever can
answer the most
131
00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:21,113
gets to be my best man.
132
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:21,947
Question one:
133
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,033
What is
my middle name?
134
00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:25,909
Suckhole.
Who gives a crap?
135
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,454
The correct answer
is "Shannon."
136
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:34,375
Um, but Russell's closest
with the "s" guess,
137
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:35,294
so hey,
you get the point.
138
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:41,424
Hey.
Hey!
139
00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:42,968
Listen, I didn't know
if you were hungry,
140
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,052
so I got you
a meatball sub.
141
00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:45,012
Ate mine
on the way home.
142
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:48,598
No, I already
had dinner.
143
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:49,474
I was hoping
you'd say that.
144
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:54,353
So just for fun,
145
00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,231
I decided to check out
Heidi-ho's Facebook profile.
146
00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:58,692
You seem happy.
(GIGGLES)
147
00:05:58,817 --> 00:05:59,734
How fat is she?
148
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,447
Oh, no.
She's not fat.
149
00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:06,365
I am happy because
of a certain picture
she posted.
150
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:07,909
Uh-huh,
what am I looking at here?
151
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,745
That's you in college
without a shirt at a party.
152
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,248
"Where is your shirt?"
You may ask.
153
00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:15,416
Your shirt is on that girl
sitting on your lap
kissing your cheek.
154
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:16,918
She's wearing it.
155
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,795
So Heidi's wearing
my shirt.
156
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,214
And kissing you!
157
00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:22,132
This proves I'm right.
No.
158
00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:24,343
It was probably cold,
so I gave her my shirt.
159
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,094
All it proves is
that I was a gentleman.
160
00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:28,180
(SCOFFS AND LAUGHS)
161
00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:30,140
All it proves
is this fight is over.
162
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:33,143
I win.
No, it's not over.
163
00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:34,519
It's far from over!
164
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,274
My God,
my pecs were defined.
165
00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:48,867
Oh, excellent draping,
Felipe,
166
00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,535
and thanks for remembering
that I dress to the right.
167
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:53,997
(EXHALES)
Well, well, well.
168
00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:55,665
Lookie here.
169
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,709
What are the chances?
170
00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:00,379
Sir, what are
you doing here?
171
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:01,922
I'm not
telling you anything
until you say,
172
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,924
(BRITISH ACCENT)
"I'm a fancy lad
with fancy pants."
173
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,300
No.
Say it.
174
00:07:05,424 --> 00:07:06,885
I will not.
Sing it.
175
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,220
Negative.
Think it.
176
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:09,221
Fine.
177
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,058
(LAUGHS)
178
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:14,976
For the past few weeks,
you seem to know
my every move.
179
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:17,437
The bookstore,
the tailor,
180
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,981
how many times
I've used the restroom.
181
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,191
Yeah, what's with that?
You have a UTI or something?
182
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,778
Fess up, sir.
183
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:27,114
Did you install something
in my phone
184
00:07:27,239 --> 00:07:28,448
so that you could track
my whereabouts?
185
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,200
In your phone?
186
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:31,410
Well, that would've
been easier.
187
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,579
Easier than what?
188
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,290
Hey, a houndstooth
handkerchief.
189
00:07:36,415 --> 00:07:37,124
They still make these?
190
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:40,627
What have you done?
191
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:42,629
Uh, okay.
192
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:45,924
Remember when
I made everyone
in the company
193
00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:46,967
get a mandatory
flu shot?
194
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:51,388
Well, you were the only one
that actually got one.
195
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:55,475
Why would you
bring in a nurse
196
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,060
to give only me
a flu shot?
197
00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,895
Well, 'cause she wasn't
exactly a nurse.
198
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:02,232
She was a veterinary assistant
I was dating at the time.
199
00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:03,483
No. Did...
200
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,195
Did you implant
a tracking chip in me?
201
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,198
I kinda did.
202
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,870
You actually
inserted a microchip
203
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:16,788
into my body
to track me.
204
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:18,498
Unbelievable!
205
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:20,583
You are an animal.
206
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:21,709
I'm not the one
with a pet chip in him.
207
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:25,964
Oh, no.
208
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:28,091
Don't.
209
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,259
Timmy, don't leave.
210
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:31,594
I'll know
where you're going.
211
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,809
Hey.
Hey.
212
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,353
How'd the best man quiz go?
213
00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:40,228
Oh, they both went
1 for 30.
214
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:42,439
Aw, that's not very good.
215
00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:43,731
I know.
Tied for first.
216
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,735
This'll be tougher
than I thought.
217
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,279
You know, I don't think I've
ever said this to you before,
218
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:53,158
but maybe
you're over-thinking this.
219
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:54,868
I do do that.
220
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:56,536
(LAUGHS) "Doo-doo."
221
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,707
Okay, why don't
you ask yourself
222
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:01,624
who's been there for you
the most?
223
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,544
Yeah.
224
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:05,420
Yeah, like,
who would rescue me
225
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,005
if I was in danger?
226
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:08,715
That's not what I meant.
227
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,218
When the chips are down,
and my life is on the line...
228
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,512
(EXHALES) I don't like
where this is headed.
229
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,055
You know, the only way
to really know
230
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:16,556
who should be
my best man
231
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,766
is to see who has my back
when it counts.
232
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,643
Don't put yourself
in danger.
233
00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:22,896
That's exactly
what I'm gonna do.
234
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,064
Hey, thanks again, honey.
BOTH: Mmm.
235
00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,190
Great idea.
236
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:31,863
Hey, you ready
for dinner?
237
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,490
I was thinking
maybe we could stay in.
238
00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:35,033
Huh, we don't have
any food.
239
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,326
Just have
something delivered.
240
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:37,202
Come on.
I wanna go out.
241
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:39,871
Fine.
Let's go out.
242
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:40,914
Let me just take
a quick bath.
243
00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:45,043
Bath?
What's going on with you?
244
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:46,253
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
245
00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:47,128
Aw, forget the bath.
246
00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:48,880
Just get the door.
247
00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:54,177
Audrey!
248
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:57,222
Heidi-ho... My gosh.
249
00:09:57,347 --> 00:10:00,641
What are you doing here?
250
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,477
Well, Jeff called
and asked me to come over.
251
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,564
He did?
Yeah, yeah.
252
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,525
He did.
253
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,952
Audrey and I need you
to help us settle
254
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:20,787
a little disagreement
that we're having.
255
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:22,789
All right, okay.
This is all Jeff's idea.
256
00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:25,333
Frankly, I'm embarrassed
he asked you over here at all.
257
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:26,709
Don't let her presence
embarrass you.
258
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,379
Let her words do it.
259
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:32,424
Now, Heidi,
could you tell Audrey
260
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,217
the nature
of our college relationship
261
00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:36,636
in your own words?
262
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,805
Well, we were friends
in college.
263
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,557
Friends.
264
00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:42,100
So we saw
each other socially
and nothing more?
265
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:43,643
Is that a fair assessment?
266
00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:48,231
Yeah, I guess
that's what friends are.
267
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,775
Interesting, interesting.
268
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,026
Your witness.
Jeff.
269
00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:55,696
(GASPS)
Wait a minute.
270
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,865
Is that what
this is all about?
271
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,576
Audrey, did you think
Jeff and I had
something going on?
272
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,828
Well...no,
not when we were dating.
273
00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,080
I just thought,
you know,
274
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:05,748
perhaps, you two
were an item
275
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:07,834
before we started dating,
which is fine.
276
00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:11,129
It's not even
any of my business.
No, no, we never did anything.
277
00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:12,339
And that's not
from Facebook.
278
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:15,133
That's from
her actual face.
279
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:19,179
Well, honestly,
you had nothing to
worry about, Audrey.
280
00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:22,599
I mean, Jeff's
really not my type.
281
00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:24,892
(LAUGHS)
Yeah.
282
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,936
He's really not
anyone's type, is he?
283
00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:28,104
(BOTH LAUGHING)
284
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,314
(FORCED LAUGH)
285
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:30,524
(LAUGHTER)
286
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,070
(SCOFFS) Damn, voice mail.
287
00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:40,659
Jeff, Jeff, it's Adam.
288
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,537
Look, I was climbing my
favorite rock in Central Park,
and my foot got stuck, okay?
289
00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:46,498
I need you to come
help me right away!
Please hurry.
290
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:47,832
I don't want to have
to cut this thing off!
291
00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:55,465
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
292
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:56,757
Agh...
293
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:00,178
Adam.
294
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:02,472
"Ignore."
295
00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:07,726
The race is on, gentlemen.
296
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,317
Timmy, what are
you doing here?
297
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:17,028
You're supposed to be
at 74th and Broadway.
298
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:20,948
I was there.
299
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,577
It's my doctor's office
where I had the chip removed.
300
00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:25,328
Why? It was such a fun game!
301
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:29,583
It was like Where's Waldo?
But incredibly easy.
302
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,295
Sorry, but the fun is over.
303
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,089
Okay, look...
304
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,633
My lunch has been late
a few times.
305
00:12:38,757 --> 00:12:40,719
You know how I get
when my blood sugar gets low.
306
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,011
I turn into a bit
of a micromanager.
307
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:45,014
Micro! (CHUCKLES)
308
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,224
And I implanted you
with a microchip.
309
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:48,393
That's wonderful.
310
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,230
All right, what's this?
311
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,483
It's my letter
of resignation.
312
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:56,568
Oh, we have
a company letterhead?
313
00:12:58,528 --> 00:12:59,571
I didn't know that.
That's a good font.
314
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:00,363
Can I get a bunch
of these?
315
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:03,908
I cannot...
316
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:06,119
As I no longer
work for you.
317
00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:09,581
Oh, come on.
This is the part
where I apologize
318
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:12,626
and tell you to come back,
and then you say no,
and then you cave in.
319
00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:14,001
We've done this
a million times.
Can we not do it again?
320
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:16,546
Good-bye, sir.
321
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,886
Well, this
is a new wrinkle.
322
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:29,434
(CHUCKLES) Heidi,
I am so glad you came.
323
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,728
Thanks for making it
abundantly clear
that we never dated.
324
00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:34,021
(LAUGHTER)
325
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,023
Well, it's hilarious that
you ever thought we did.
326
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,359
(LAUGHS) I know.
A real hoot for all of us.
327
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,278
(SIGHS)
328
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:41,696
Anyway, we will see
you at the next reunion.
329
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,573
Yes, I'm looking
forward to it.
330
00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:44,823
(LAUGHS)
I'll walk you out.
331
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,367
Thanks.
(LAUGHS)
332
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:48,869
JEFF: Thanks again for coming.
333
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,664
Oh, happy to help,
334
00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:52,582
and I think she bought it.
335
00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:54,292
Yeah.
What did you just say?
336
00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:00,423
I said, "I think she bought
that I wasn't interested
in you back in college."
337
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:02,091
I... I mean,
you knew I was, right?
338
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:04,761
I did not know that.
339
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:08,682
(LAUGHS) Oh, my God.
340
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:11,017
Well, I mean,
I saw something was
bothering Audrey,
341
00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:14,562
so I played along,
but I totally had
a thing for you.
342
00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:16,731
Did you now?
(GIGGLES)
343
00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:19,609
Yes. I thought
it was so obvious.
344
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,653
I was always flirting
with you and touching you
345
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,572
and laughing
at your jokes.
346
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:25,948
(LAUGHS)
How could you not see that?
347
00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:26,949
That's a good question.
348
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,037
As a matter of fact,
when you called,
349
00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:32,706
I was kind of hoping
that's what this was about.
350
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:33,832
(LAUGHTER)
351
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,584
How about that?
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
352
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:37,335
There you go.
(GIGGLES)
353
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:42,674
It was really fun
seeing you.
354
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:43,842
Fun isn't even the word.
355
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,177
(SIGHS)
356
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,771
All right. Go ahead.
357
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,481
Gloat that you won
the 20-year argument.
358
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:01,108
Yeah. I win.
359
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,194
(CHUCKLES)
360
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,822
You know, after talking
to her, I feel pretty dumb
361
00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:08,241
that I ever thought
there was anything
between you and Heidi.
362
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:10,034
Yeah, well, there wasn't,
so let's just
forget the whole thing.
363
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,870
You know,
I guess in my mind,
364
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,454
she was skanky
because I resented her,
365
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:14,955
but she's actually
really pretty.
366
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,584
I mean, she's way
out of your league.
367
00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:19,711
(LAUGHS)
368
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,505
(SIGHS)
Right.
Movin'...movin' on.
369
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,173
(LAUGHS)
370
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:27,134
Oh, God,
she could not have been
less interested in you.
371
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,177
Yeah, I was here.
372
00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:32,640
Boy, did we have
a good laugh
about that one.
373
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,518
Okay.
374
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,562
Okay, you know,
I didn't wanna
have to tell you this,
375
00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:40,857
but if she's
so out of my league,
376
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,360
then why did
she just hit on me?
377
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,112
(LAUGHS)
That's a good one.
378
00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:49,490
No, she did,
right there at the elevator.
379
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,660
Said that she's always
wanted some of this,
and, you know what?
380
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:53,578
Still does.
381
00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:59,667
Honey, she just sat there
saying the complete opposite.
382
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:01,294
That was all
for your benefit.
383
00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:03,421
Oh, ho, honey.
No, don't patronize me.
384
00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:09,510
There's an attractive
woman out there
who is hot for me.
385
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:12,221
Okay, sweetheart,
you cannot have this
both ways, okay?
386
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:15,141
You just spent 20 years
trying to convince me
she wasn't into you.
387
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:18,269
You finally did!
You won! Enjoy it!
388
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:19,896
(CHUCKLES)
389
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:22,565
(SIGHS)
390
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:25,819
I can't, I can't.
Not like this.
391
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,991
Heidi.
Heidi, it's Jeff. Yeah.
392
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,452
Could you come on
back up here,
393
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:35,954
and tell Audrey how
you've always wanted me
and still do?
394
00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:39,290
What do you mean?
How is that weird?
395
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:47,131
(SIGHS)
Hey.
396
00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:50,593
So Adam didn't
come home last night.
397
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,136
Oh, you know what?
You should think
about chipping him.
398
00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:56,056
He was waiting
for you idiots,
399
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,267
and neither of you
were any help at all.
400
00:16:58,392 --> 00:17:00,979
Don't look at me.
I didn't get a message.
401
00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:02,772
Well, it didn't work.
He was at the park all night.
402
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:03,731
What was he doing
in the park?
403
00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:04,983
I don't know.
He's a dope.
404
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,235
Oh, my God!
You're freezing.
405
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,657
No, no,
I've never felt
more alive.
406
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:15,535
Why are you
looking so happy?
407
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:18,245
I was watching the sunrise
or a bum drop a twosie
on the jogging path.
408
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:21,457
I realized something.
409
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,251
I realized you guys
weren't coming,
410
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:25,252
but it wasn't
because you didn't care.
411
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:26,963
It wasn't?
No.
412
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,050
No, it was
because you knew
413
00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:32,635
that I had to figure
this out for myself.
414
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,345
Mmm.
Right?
415
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,806
I mean, I'm an adult now.
I'm getting married.
416
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,391
I can't always
rely on my friends
to bail me out.
417
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,351
No, you cannot.
418
00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:44,022
You guys taught me
that lesson.
419
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:47,400
That was the lesson that
we were intending to teach.
Yeah.
420
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:50,820
Listen, we were talking
to Jen about this whole
"best man" thing,
421
00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:52,989
and it's not fair that you
have to choose between us,
422
00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:54,949
so what do you think
about having co-best men?
423
00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:57,744
Seriously?
424
00:17:59,037 --> 00:17:59,913
Seriously?
425
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:05,001
Bros, you have no idea
what this means to me.
426
00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:07,503
Hey, I'm gonna buy
you guys breakfast...
427
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:09,672
Right after
I thaw out my junk
under the hand dryer.
428
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:17,889
RUSSELL: Hey, Timmy.
429
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:20,850
Tidying up
the old work space.
I appreciate that.
430
00:18:20,975 --> 00:18:22,852
It was looking
a little Taj Mahal-ian here.
431
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:25,312
(CHUCKLES)
432
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,355
Yeah,
but I didn't say anything
'cause I'm the cool boss.
433
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:32,987
All right,
are you still mad
that I chipped you?
434
00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,240
Look, I'm sorry, all right?
435
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,992
I'm gonna make it up to you.
436
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,786
Congratulations.
You're getting that
promotion you asked for.
437
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,081
No, thanks.
438
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:43,957
But it comes
with your own office!
439
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:46,626
Pass.
440
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:47,085
(IMITATING ACCENT)
Pass.
441
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:53,257
All right, listen,
a couple weeks ago,
I needed you.
442
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:54,634
Tried to get you
on your phone,
you weren't answering.
443
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,219
I couldn't find you, and I...
444
00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:58,262
And what?
445
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,015
You needed someone
to blow on your soup?
446
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:03,935
Apply your ointment?
447
00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:07,105
Help convince
some unsuspecting girl
448
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:08,439
that you're thirtysomething's
Peter Horton?
449
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:13,486
No.
Truth is, I panicked.
450
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:16,155
And I started thinking,
"I don't know what'd I do
if you weren't here."
451
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:17,991
You're about to find out.
452
00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:20,827
Good-bye, sir.
453
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:22,912
Timmy.
454
00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,373
Tim! Come here.
455
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:29,877
(EXHALES)
456
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,129
Who's gonna help
convince chicks
457
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,214
that I'm thirtysomething's
Peter Horton?
458
00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:42,473
All right, you guys ready
to go to the movies?
459
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,892
Uh, not quite.
460
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:46,811
Well, it starts pretty soon.
461
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:50,940
Oh, don't worry,
you won't miss the show biz
celebrity scramble quiz.
462
00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:52,900
This time, if the clue's
Indiana Jones,
463
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:53,943
I know it's not
Harrison Dorf.
464
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:56,487
All right,
let's get moving.
465
00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:58,197
Fine, let's go.
466
00:19:58,322 --> 00:19:59,490
Let me just take
a quick bath.
467
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,076
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
468
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,243
Oh, never mind. Get that.
469
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:08,791
Adam.
470
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:10,877
Kyle?
471
00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:15,089
What are you doing here?
472
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,132
JEFF: I invited him.
473
00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:17,175
Found him on Facebook.
474
00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:20,761
Now, how do you two
know each other again?
33942
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof