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1
00:00:07,466 --> 00:00:08,801
(GRUNTS)
2
00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:10,010
Thought you'd already
left for work.
3
00:00:10,051 --> 00:00:11,386
Well, the meeting
got canceled.
4
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:13,221
So I was hoping
to schedule a meeting for us.
5
00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:15,307
In the...boudoir.
6
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,311
Hmm.
7
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,313
I may have
a little time to discuss
some new business.
8
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,357
Hmm.
9
00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:26,652
Let the minutes show
the wife is up for it.
10
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:29,029
Hmm.
Minutes, plural?
11
00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:30,155
That'd be a nice change.
12
00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:33,659
(RINGTONE PLAYS)
13
00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:35,786
Please don't answer that.
14
00:00:35,828 --> 00:00:37,579
Hello.
Meeting adjourned.
15
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:42,083
Really?
I'm... I'm so sorry.
16
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,336
Let me check with Jeff,
and I'll get back to you.
17
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,087
That was Chrissy.
She never got
the Knicks tickets
18
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,882
you promised her
for her charity auction.
19
00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,925
Oh, boy, uh,
you'll never guess
what happened.
20
00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:51,468
You forgot?
21
00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:52,887
Wow, first guess.
22
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,097
Look, she was really
counting on that.
23
00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,892
Can you still
get 'em?
When's the auction?
24
00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,434
Tomorrow.
One day's notice?
25
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,228
You got to give me
more time than that.
26
00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:03,146
I asked you
six weeks ago!
27
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,272
That's too much notice.
28
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,900
Ten days,
that's your sweet spot.
29
00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:09,904
Oh, my God.
What?
What is that?
30
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,864
(SCOFFS)
The form you said
you would fill out.
31
00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:13,448
This puts our baby
on our insurance.
32
00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:16,201
So excited.
33
00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,413
God, I feel like
a single mother.
34
00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:21,582
Okay, just tell me,
what can I do?
35
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:24,334
Anything.
Fill out a form,
empty the dishwasher.
36
00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:25,836
Make a dinner
reservation.
Okay, I'll do it.
37
00:01:25,878 --> 00:01:26,795
Do what?
38
00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:31,508
What was the last one?
Oh, God.
39
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:33,385
No, wait.
Dinner reservation,
I'll make one of those.
40
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:36,095
What's that, uh,
fancy new French place
41
00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:37,389
you've been
going on about?
42
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,974
Dijon?
Boom!
43
00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,475
Gonna make
a reservation for us.
44
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:41,810
Yeah, well,
it takes a month
to get in there.
45
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,270
All right, then,
write it down.
46
00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:45,397
One month from today,
you and I are going
to, uh...
47
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,193
Dijon.
That's the one!
48
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,695
I'll call and make
a reservation.
49
00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:53,405
It's happenin' right now.
50
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:54,489
So you never made
the reservation?
51
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:55,866
No, I did not.
52
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,453
I meant to call,
but then my buddy
texted me
53
00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:01,371
with this sweet
fantasy baseball trade.
54
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:03,999
So, how pissed was Audrey?
55
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:07,044
I mean, was she, like,
Yosemite Sam pissed?
56
00:02:07,086 --> 00:02:09,046
Yeah, what was up
with that guy?
57
00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:10,672
I heard he was bipolar
or something.
58
00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,633
Yeah.
59
00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:15,260
Look, obviously,
I haven't told her yet.
60
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,303
Why?
61
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,681
Is anything
obvious to you?
62
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,936
Because if Audrey
doesn't know about it,
63
00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:25,938
it's not a screw-up yet.
64
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,648
Like when a tree
falls in the forest.
65
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,691
If there's nobody
there to hear it,
66
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,318
it doesn't make a noise.
67
00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:34,113
Of course, it does.
68
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,033
How do you know,
if there was nobody
there to hear it?
69
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,119
Well, because,
Jeff, I mean...
70
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,620
You know, when, like...
71
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,457
Whoa.
72
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,919
Exactly. Now,
I still have a day
73
00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:50,378
to try to get
into that restaurant.
74
00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,798
So the tree
hasn't fallen yet.
75
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:56,969
Yeah, hey,
I get that.
76
00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:00,722
I don't get that.
77
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,312
♪ How many ways
to say I love you?
78
00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:12,943
♪ How many ways
to say that I'm not scared?
79
00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:19,700
♪ With you by my side
There is no denying
80
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,994
♪ I can't wait
for me and you ♪
81
00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:32,087
Ah.
82
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:34,173
Good morning, sir.
83
00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:36,466
Why the toothy grin there,
Squanto?
84
00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:38,010
No reason in particular.
85
00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:39,678
Just go in your office.
86
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,471
Oh.
87
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:44,683
Is there a bee in there?
88
00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:47,853
What? No.
89
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:48,979
'Cause there was
a bee in there once,
90
00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:50,022
and it was not
a good day for me.
91
00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:51,439
I was not proud
of how I reacted.
92
00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:54,275
I assure you,
there is no bee.
93
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:55,194
Just go in.
94
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:56,653
No bee.
95
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:02,659
(SINGSONG)
Hey, ex-hubby.
96
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:03,869
Oh, yuck.
97
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,788
Come on, dude. Liz?
98
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,540
Why'd you let her
in my office?
99
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,667
Because I take pleasure
in your misery, sir.
100
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:13,087
Liz is such a nightmare.
101
00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:14,379
What do you think?
Should I bang her?
102
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,507
Absolutely not.
103
00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,051
Yeah,
I'm on the fence too.
104
00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:20,552
See, I promised myself
105
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,054
I'd only bang nines
from now on.
106
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,722
And Liz is a three.
107
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,140
I'm being generous.
108
00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,976
So, if we do it
three times,
that would...
109
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,147
Crunch those numbers
for me, Timmy.
110
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:33,481
Three times three
is nine, sir.
111
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,649
It is? Ooh!
112
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:35,943
Hold my calls.
113
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,238
Okay, Liz,
you're in luck.
114
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,782
'Cause I'm in a bit
of a slump, and,
according to Timmy,
115
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:44,743
the numbers check out,
so let's do this.
116
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,246
Russell,
I'm here because I have
something to tell you.
117
00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:49,706
I am a sex addict.
118
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,542
Well, listen,
if you gots to have it,
119
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:55,170
(SINGSONG)
then I gots to give it.
120
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,172
No, you're not
hearing me, Russell.
121
00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:58,966
I joined
Sex Addicts Anonymous.
122
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,968
And part of the program
is apologizing
123
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:01,802
to those I wronged.
124
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,345
I'm not here to make love.
125
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:05,847
I'm here to talk.
126
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,348
Well, can we talk
in-between?
127
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,725
'Cause we gots
to do this three times
128
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:09,935
to make the numbers work.
129
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:14,982
Adam, everyone's heard
of wedding cake.
130
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,483
Nobody's ever
heard of wedding pie.
131
00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:18,568
'Cause I am in the process
of inventing it.
132
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,028
Okay, Tim, you go
to a wedding, right?
133
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:21,404
It's dessert time.
134
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,364
Now, do you want...
135
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:26,034
(YAWNING)
...boring old
wedding cake?
136
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,410
Or do you want
to break me off
137
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,496
a sweet slice of that
wedding pie, bro?
138
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:34,584
He only wants pie
so a pie fight
will break out.
139
00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:35,919
You can't have
a table full of pies
140
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:37,462
and not expect
a pie fight.
141
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,881
That's why
I don't want pie!
142
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,717
God, sometimes
I feel like I'm marrying
Larry, Moe, and Curly.
143
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,761
I'm sorry, who?
144
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:45,887
The three stooges.
145
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,681
Ah, yes.
146
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:50,267
I've heard of them,
but I've never seen
any of their films.
147
00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:51,643
Oh, my God,
not even the one
where they're plumbers,
148
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:52,644
and everything goes wrong?
149
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:54,896
No.
150
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,606
What about when
they're in the old West,
151
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,066
and everything goes wrong?
152
00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:01,360
Maybe I wasn't clear,
Mr. Rhodes.
153
00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:03,404
When I said I'd never
seen any of their films,
154
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:04,363
I meant that.
155
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,826
Aw, T, that's it.
156
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,703
What's it?
Oh, please don't.
157
00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:11,538
Too late.
(CLAPS HANDS)
158
00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:14,373
Tonight. My house.
It's stooge night.
159
00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:15,917
I have no doubt
about that, sir.
160
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,296
It got so bad that,
161
00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:21,256
even in the short amount
of time we were married,
162
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,674
I was unable
to remain faithful.
163
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:25,384
Whoa.
164
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:27,888
So, uh...
165
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:30,182
Who's the guy?
166
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,809
Guy? Singular?
167
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,393
(CHUCKLES)
168
00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:35,229
How many were there?
169
00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:40,525
Can you count 'em
on one hand?
170
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,694
Well, yes, if that one hand
was holding a calculator.
171
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,072
Let's see,
there was, um,
172
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,781
the guy who rents
boats in the park,
173
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,575
an assistant manager
at Arby's,
174
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:49,951
and a couple of waiters.
175
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:51,870
Arby's doesn't have waiters.
176
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,705
No, I mean people
literally waiting
177
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,165
for me and
the assistant manager
to finish.
178
00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:57,458
Oh, no.
I'm sorry.
179
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,418
I know now,
from my sex addiction
meetings,
180
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:01,213
that I was just
trying to fill a void.
181
00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:02,964
Did you have to fill it
so many times?
182
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,139
Oh, really?
You can give me a table?
183
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,225
Oh, my God, you may have
just saved my marriage.
184
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,853
4:45 or 11:30?
185
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,566
At 4:45, will I still
get the lunch prices?
186
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,736
Hello?
187
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:27,614
Hey.
188
00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:28,907
Ah, I'm so excited.
189
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,242
I got my new dress
for tomorrow night.
190
00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:31,576
Oh, I am really
fired up, too.
191
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,494
In fact, I don't know
if I can wait until 8:00.
192
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,455
Uh, hey, here,
new thought.
193
00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:36,998
What if they can
take us earlier?
194
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,541
What, like, 7:30?
195
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:40,335
7:30, 4:45,
somewhere in there.
196
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,088
4:45?
197
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,881
No, you're right,
later's better.
198
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,716
Maybe we go at 11:30.
199
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,010
Catch the local news first,
200
00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:50,470
have something
to talk about.
201
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:55,016
I want to eat at 8:00
like we planned.
202
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:57,518
Then that is
when you will eat.
203
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,562
All right, do you want
to see my new dress now,
204
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:02,232
or, uh, do you want
to be surprised
tomorrow night?
205
00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,484
Let's save all the surprises
for tomorrow night.
206
00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:08,238
(LAUGHS)
207
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,281
Oh!
208
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:12,993
Why aren't you laughing?
209
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,037
I just don't get it,
Mr. Rhodes.
210
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,333
Oh, no, it's okay, Tim.
Took me a while, too.
211
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:22,294
Okay, see, the society lady,
she's having a party, right.
212
00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:23,503
But she's got a problem
with her plumbing.
213
00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:25,546
I understand that.
Okay.
214
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,548
What I don't get
is why anyone would hire
215
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,509
these buffoons as plumbers.
216
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:31,678
I can't imagine
they're licensed or bonded.
217
00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:33,805
And if there's so much
acrimony among them,
218
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,807
why don't they just
go their separate ways?
219
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,017
Whoa! Oh!
220
00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:42,605
(STAMMERS)
Moe just hit Curly
in the head with a pipe.
221
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:43,773
You don't think
that's funny?
222
00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:45,317
No, I think
it's attempted murder.
223
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:53,158
(EXHALES)
224
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,701
Oh, hey, so...
225
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:56,411
Manage to get into
that fancy restaurant yet?
226
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,038
No, and running
out of time.
227
00:08:58,079 --> 00:08:59,998
Soon the other shoe's
gonna drop.
228
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,000
Ah.
229
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,793
But is there anyone
there to hear it?
230
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,129
Dude, we're not
doing that anymore.
231
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,340
No?
232
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:11,259
When Audrey finds
out I've blown it,
I'm a dead man.
233
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,512
Be a long time before
Daddy gets any lovin'.
234
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,015
You know, it's too bad
you're not a celebrity.
235
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,433
You know, they get
these last-minute
tables all the time.
236
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:19,767
Really?
Yeah.
237
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,853
True. I've gotten
Mr. Dunbar into places
238
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,522
claiming he was a celebrity.
239
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,982
Yeah, what happens
when this no-name
loser schlub shows up?
240
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,568
Ah, none taken.
241
00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:31,405
The key is to find
someone he looks
enough like.
242
00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:33,323
Mmm.
Tom Petty.
243
00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,202
Macaulay Culkin.
244
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:41,998
And the age-old standby,
Ellen DeGeneres.
245
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:42,957
(CLICKS TONGUE)
246
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:44,667
Ellen? Really?
247
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:48,505
Oh, yeah.
248
00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:49,797
Huh.
249
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:51,925
All right,
I'm outta here.
250
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:56,346
Where are you going?
Put on a pants suit
and go tape your show?
251
00:09:56,388 --> 00:09:59,516
No, I'm gonna meet Liz
at her Sex Addicts
Anonymous meeting.
252
00:09:59,558 --> 00:10:02,643
Ah, she finally convinced
you to go get help, sir.
253
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,938
No, she convinced me
somewhere there's a room
full of nymphos
254
00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:06,356
with no impulse control.
255
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,026
And if they
gots to have it...
256
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,570
ALL: You gots to give it.
257
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:12,946
Yeah, I gots to give it!
258
00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:21,996
Ah, you look fantastic.
259
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:24,707
Thank you.
What's in the bag?
260
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,586
Just got something
to make the night
a little more fun.
261
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,379
Honey, you know
the restaurant
already has scotch.
262
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,257
I love your sense of humor.
263
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,301
I was thinking
that any old idiot
264
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:35,427
can make
a dinner reservation.
265
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,805
Yeah. You proved that.
266
00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:41,433
But I thought
that we'd take it
to a whole new level.
267
00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:43,435
And do a little
role playing.
268
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,020
All right, Jeff,
could you just pretend
269
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,314
to be interested
in the dinner
270
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,690
instead of just
what happens back
at the apartment?
271
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:52,569
I'm not just talking
about what happens
after dinner,
272
00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:54,028
I'm talking about
role-playing the whole night.
273
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:56,406
Really?
274
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:59,200
What, uh...
What role did
you have in mind?
275
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:01,995
What's say tonight
you are Nicole Kidman?
276
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:05,999
(LAUGHS)
277
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,126
Well,
how oddly specific.
278
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:12,631
Uh, so you want me
to wear this to
the restaurant?
279
00:11:12,671 --> 00:11:13,590
Yes, I do, Nicole.
280
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:16,510
(LAUGHS)
281
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,136
Seems pretty weird.
282
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,514
Fun weird.
283
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,225
All right,
I like that
you're trying.
284
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,143
Are you gonna
be somebody too?
285
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:27,728
I could,
if there was somebody...
286
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:28,813
Yeah, Daniel Craig.
287
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,360
You had that one locked
and loaded, did ya?
288
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:42,952
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
289
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:44,538
(KNOCKS)
290
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,374
Russell.
291
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,125
You listened to me
and came.
292
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:51,002
Well, I realized
you were right.
293
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,296
Maybe I could become
a better person somehow
294
00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:55,089
by... Jeez,
what a sausage hang.
295
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,091
Where's all the talent?
296
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,343
Hello.
Uh-uh.
297
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,389
Look, if you're not
here to get help,
298
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:05,141
you might as well
just leave.
Happy to.
299
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,560
I don't want to sit
around and listen
to a bunch of guys
300
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,478
brag about getting a lot.
301
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,522
I'm gonna grab some
Entenmanns and bounce.
302
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:16,027
Hey.
Hi.
303
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,154
I'm Russell.
304
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,825
Have you made a mess
of your life with sex too?
305
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:23,910
Yeah, I have.
306
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,372
Well, come on.
Let's start the healing.
307
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,544
Sorry.
Old habit.
308
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,796
That's why we're here,
though, right?
309
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,307
(LAUGHS)
(MAN: (ON TV)
I hope, Cecily,
310
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:47,808
I shall not offend you
if I state quite frankly...
311
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,394
Now, this...
312
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,687
This is comedy.
313
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:53,648
This blows.
314
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,191
Mr. Rhodes,
I assure you,
315
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:58,152
The Importance
of Being Earnest
does not blow.
316
00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,821
Hey, I'm just gonna
close my eyes, okay?
317
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,907
Just wake me if and
when Ernest goes to camp.
318
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,501
I can't believe
we're actually here.
319
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:14,711
What's not to believe?
320
00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,087
I made a reservation.
Here we are.
321
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:18,839
Put these on.
322
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,967
In here?
323
00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:23,344
It's what Nicole would do
so as not to be recognized.
324
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,138
(SCOFFS) Fine.
325
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,056
(CLEARS THROAT)
326
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,308
Good. Wait...
327
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,435
There.
328
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:33,605
Even better.
(GIGGLES)
329
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:34,564
You go to the bar
and have a drink.
330
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:37,233
Daniel Craig
will check us in.
331
00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:39,944
(IN GRUFF VOICE)
Okay, mate.
332
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:41,820
What was that?
333
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:45,659
Nicole Kidman.
She's Australian.
334
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,243
Sounded more
like a pirate.
335
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,248
Well,
if we're giving each
other performance notes,
336
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,125
I bet Daniel Craig
could suck in his gut
337
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,460
enough to button
his tuxedo pants.
338
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,048
Welcome to Dijon, sir.
339
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,509
Do you have a reservation?
340
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:05,219
Yes, we spoke
earlier today.
341
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,138
I am with... (WHISPERS)
Miss Nicole Kidman.
342
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,598
Ah, yes.
343
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,433
We'll seat you
right now, sir.
344
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:12,686
And Miss Kidman is...
345
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,395
At the bar.
She's very private.
346
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:15,647
Don't look at her.
347
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,985
We always respect
the privacy of our guests.
348
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:23,530
I expect nothing less from
such a classy establishment.
349
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:24,947
(BUTTON FALLS ON FLOOR)
Oh, crap.
350
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,491
Button just
came off my pants.
351
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,245
Okay, I've shared
a lot with you people,
352
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,331
but this one is a doozy.
353
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:36,543
My darkest hour.
354
00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:40,296
MAY 14th, 2011.
355
00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:41,964
Hey,
that's our wedding day.
356
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,384
That's right.
357
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:47,595
I felt so horrible
about myself that
I actually married him.
358
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,263
Russell T. Dunbar.
359
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,016
What happened
to "anonymous"?
360
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,436
And, uh,
for the record,
361
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,938
we aren't married anymore,
so I'm good to go.
362
00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,566
We all have to hit
our rock bottom, Liz.
363
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:01,317
I mean, kerplunk.
364
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,903
(APPLAUSE)
365
00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:06,030
I think we all understand
what you're saying.
366
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,073
Would anyone else
like to share?
367
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,493
Let's hear from a lady.
368
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:11,911
I could really
use some support.
369
00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:12,953
Not you.
370
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:15,707
You.
371
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,543
And remember,
we're all friends here,
372
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,503
so feel free to be
as filthy as you'd like.
373
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,006
You know, Russell,
instead of deflecting,
374
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,508
why don't you actually
share something?
375
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:28,344
Oh.
376
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,429
Okay.
377
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:34,058
Uh, I'm here because
I too carry a heavy burden.
378
00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:37,520
In my pants.
(CHUCKLES)
379
00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:39,146
It's hard to walk.
380
00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:41,023
You're not taking
this seriously.
381
00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:43,234
No, he's not,
and he never will.
382
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,570
Russell, sex will always
control your life.
383
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,113
Yeah, that's the plan.
384
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,658
Look,
we've all been there.
385
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,452
Sex is a tasty temptress,
386
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,245
whether it's on
the floor of a tollbooth
387
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,996
on the Jersey Turnpike
388
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:58,792
or on a delicious pile
of Arby's roast beef
and cheddars,
389
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:00,835
but at the end of the day,
nothing changes
390
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:03,630
unless you are willing
to look yourself
in the mirror and ask,
391
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:06,883
"Am I truly happy
living this way?"
392
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:12,722
Wow.
393
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,268
I do make some
pretty shallow choices.
394
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,396
Maybe it's time
for a change.
395
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:23,357
Or you wanna
get outta here?
396
00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:25,443
Ew, no.
397
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,654
(INHALES)
398
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,115
Ugh, all right.
Come on.
399
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,577
Anne, wait.
400
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,663
You're better than this.
401
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,247
I'm really not.
Atta girl.
402
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,254
I gotta say,
this is a really
great night.
403
00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:46,798
The first of many.
404
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,300
From now on,
you can count on me
to get things done.
405
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,803
Mmm. Thank you.
406
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:54,221
And I have to admit
I was a little skeptical
407
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,348
about you coming
through this time.
408
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:56,265
Based on what?
409
00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:58,768
Every other time.
410
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,772
But how 'bout a toast?
411
00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:05,525
To you proving that
you can actually step up
412
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:06,734
and be a helpful...
413
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,653
Excuse me
for interrupting.
414
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,404
We just wanted
to offer this as a gift,
415
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,156
and say what an honor
it is to have...
416
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,784
You're not Nicole Kidman.
417
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:16,870
What?
418
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:18,788
Put these back on.
You weren't supposed
to look at her.
419
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:23,209
Why would he think
I'm actually Nicole Kidman?
420
00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:25,545
Because I was told
to hold a table
for Nicole Kidman.
421
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:26,629
You're not
Nicole Kidman.
422
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,341
You never made
the reservation,
did you?
423
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,011
Not in
the traditional sense.
424
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,555
He called this afternoon
and promised Nicole Kidman,
425
00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:36,764
but you're not Nicole...
426
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:38,683
Yes, I know
I am not Nicole Kidman.
427
00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,310
God, this is
so humiliating.
428
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,773
You did say
this was a gift.
429
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:58,703
(SIGHS)
430
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:04,166
It's hard for me
to gauge how you're
feeling towards me right now.
431
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,129
'Cause of the separate
cabs and all.
432
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:12,926
I can't believe
you did that to me.
433
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,385
How embarrassing.
434
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:16,596
Fun embarrassing?
435
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,932
No!
436
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:21,141
God, all you had to do
was make one phone call.
437
00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:23,644
I know, I...
What's with me?
438
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:27,314
Come on, Jeff!
Pull your head
outta your butt!
439
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,776
Do not do that thing
where you pretend
to be mad at yourself
440
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,527
so I can't be mad at you.
441
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:33,029
You're right.
I do that. Come on!
442
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:34,447
What am I trying
to pull here?
443
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,076
You know, I...
444
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,411
I just thought
tonight was a sign
445
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,913
that you were
really gonna change.
446
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,790
I did too.
This was expensive.
447
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,417
But if it, you know,
448
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:49,754
makes any difference,
I really am sorry.
449
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:51,965
Whatever.
450
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:54,759
I guess it's just on me
to lower my expectations.
451
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,429
Wait a minute.
What?
452
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,640
What was on this table
this morning?
453
00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:02,976
Two empty beer bottles
and the crumbs
from your hoagie?
454
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,937
What else?
455
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:09,690
Oh, that envelope
I asked you to mail
for my Lamaze class.
456
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:12,068
You mailed it?
It's not there, is it?
457
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,489
So that's something,
right?
458
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,365
Big deal, babe.
459
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:20,576
You stuck a stamp
on an envelope and
dropped it in a mailbox.
460
00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:21,452
It wasn't already stamped?
461
00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:27,000
It doesn't matter,
because when it comes back,
462
00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:29,085
I'll get another shot,
I'm gonna nail it!
463
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:32,463
Still doesn't make up
for tonight, Jeff.
464
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,507
Wait.
465
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:36,092
I know what will.
466
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:39,512
Dinner at 11:30.
467
00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:41,347
Not so bad.
468
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:43,891
Yeah,
it's very European.
469
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,020
Well, welcome back.
470
00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:49,897
May I start you off
with something to drink?
471
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,191
Uh, no, thanks.
472
00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:53,442
Uh, just a bucket of ice
for this, please.
473
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:07,331
Oh, Miss Morgan.
Came by for lunch?
474
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:09,792
No, we are going
pie tasting.
Yup.
475
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,044
Once she gets a taste...
476
00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:12,920
I've had pie before,
Adam.
477
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,841
Oh, anyway,
here's your stupid
Ernest movie.
478
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,218
Thanks.
479
00:20:19,259 --> 00:20:21,637
Though I do wish
we could've found
a comedic common ground.
480
00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:24,140
Yeah. Or at least
something we both
thought was funny.
481
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,810
RUSSELL:
Timmy, I think
there's a bee in here.
482
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:32,314
This could be
our common ground.
483
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:34,358
RUSSELL:
Timmy, there is a bee
in here! Timmy!
484
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,651
(SQUEALING)
485
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:38,946
(LAUGHING)
I can watch this all day.
486
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:40,614
Oh, let's, then.
487
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:42,950
(SCREAMS)
488
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,913
Timmy, open up!
Timmy! Timmy!
Aah! Aah!
489
00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:49,456
(CHUCKLES)
490
00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:53,419
He really does
look like Ellen.
Yeah.
491
00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:56,130
(THUD)
Ohh...
492
00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:00,718
Timmy! Anyone?
493
00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:02,970
Adam, help me!
494
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,472
(TINY VOICE)
It's stinging me!
34713
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