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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,960 - Yeah, but what is jizz? 2 00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:04,880 - Whoa. (LAUGHTER) 3 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:07,080 - You know what I mean? Like, I know what sperm is. 4 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:08,800 - Sperm. - Yeah, I know, I know. 5 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:11,320 I just mean, like— - The component parts. - Exactly. Yeah. 6 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:16,920 - OK, well, the— the sperm is inside the, like— you know, the viscous stuff. 7 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:18,440 That's the semen. - I hate that word. 8 00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:21,160 - It turns me on, actually. - (LAUGHS) 9 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:23,760 - Yeah, but that's what I'm asking. What's the viscous? 10 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:25,760 I'm like, is it spit? 11 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:27,760 - Ta-da! 12 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:31,920 - These aren't your kidneys? - What is that? - Uh, no, they're the ovaries. 13 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:34,520 - Look like one of my mum's old necklaces. 14 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:37,000 - So where does old mate meet the sperm? 15 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:41,160 - Yeah, so the sperm comes up here. I think it's like... 16 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:45,720 OK, actually, I don't know if it's there or if it's there. (LAUGHTER) 17 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:49,000 - They really should tell you how hard it is to get pregnant in sex ed. 18 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,120 - Oh, for God's sake. Don't even get me started. 19 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:53,400 - So I have to jerk off every time? - Yes. 20 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:55,640 - Yeah. It's better when it's fresh. - We need... 21 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:59,040 - What happens if, like, I can't... if I can't come? 22 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:01,040 - Well, you can do it here at home, if you want, 23 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:05,280 but then we just have to transfer it to the clinic within 30 minutes. - Ooh! I could do that. 24 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,760 That there could be me! I could be the juice jizz taxi. 25 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:09,080 - OK. - That would be so cool. 26 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:10,840 I'd be so good. - You would. 27 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,760 - It's just— Don't overthink it. You know what I mean? 28 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:15,440 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like, it's just... what you normally do. 29 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:18,720 - Yeah, OK. - You know, if you want to make it a special jizz session,... 30 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:21,160 - (LAUGHS) - ...we'll pop round the corner. We'll go on a ladies' walk. 31 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:23,520 - That's fine. - We'll reclaim the night. - No, no, don't do that. 32 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:26,200 - Whatever makes you feel the most comfortable is what we will do. 33 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:27,840 - OK. - Whatever you want. 34 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:31,560 - Can you also just stop pretending like you're not doing it all the time anyway? 35 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:34,240 - OK, well, how often do you wank? 36 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,720 - A lot. 37 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:42,080 - OK. 38 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,760 (GENTLE POP SONG PLAYS ON RADIO) 39 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:47,640 (SIGHS) 40 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,960 Let's do it. 41 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,520 - Are you actually— You're actually keen? 42 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:58,600 - Yeah. Yeah, let's do it. 43 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,760 - Oh, Johnny! 44 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,760 - It's all right. Just don't be weird about it. 45 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:06,240 - Whoo, Daddy! 46 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:08,240 Oh my God, Johnny! 47 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,880 - And me! I'm in it too! 48 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,880 (ALL EXCLAIM) 49 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,800 - Gotta say — this version of the ute — 50 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:24,920 not for me. 51 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:28,040 - Oh, please don't sniff it. Please don't sniff it. 52 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:33,640 - Why? Is it making you... horny? - No. It makes me feel really weird. 53 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:37,520 - Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I'm so late! - That's all right. 54 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,240 - Anybody miss me? - Oh my God. Did we miss you? - Yeah. 55 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:43,120 - Yeah, we have not stopped gasbagging about ya. (CHUCKLES) 56 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:47,680 - God, I love my gay clients. They're always so fun! (BOTH CHUCKLE) 57 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:52,200 Now, you must be dying to know about how your IVF's gone. - Yep, we are. 58 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:55,440 - All righty. This is that moment! I'm so excited. 59 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,840 Um... It's not that. Hang on. 60 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:02,480 That's my new driver's license. Let's just... 61 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:04,640 - Um, could it possibly be on the computer? 62 00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:06,120 - No way it's gonna be on the computer, doll. 63 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:10,880 It is literally there for show because computers and I do not mix. (BOTH CHUCKLE) 64 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:15,520 We don't get on. No, I find that the paper is actually a lot more efficient. 65 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:16,640 Now, hang on. 66 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:19,200 I have had it this morning cos I just looked at it before. 67 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:22,080 - It's quite the filing system you got over there. 68 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,200 - You know what? It's a lot more efficient than it looks. 69 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,840 I had my niece come in over the summer, and— 70 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:31,560 She's a lovely girl, huge pothead— but she's actually taken her time. It's quite good. 71 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,560 Ah, yes! 72 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,440 Nat and Steph. 73 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:38,440 Hooray! (CHUCKLES) 74 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,800 - Oh my God! 75 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:45,120 - Oh no, I didn't mean hooray— I meant hooray for finding the file. - Oh. Right, yep. 76 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,080 - That was really quick. - Yeah. 77 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,080 - All right. Um... 78 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:53,840 Yeah, no. So I'm really sorry, but you're not pregnant. 79 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,800 - SOFTLY: Right. - SOFTLY: Damn. 80 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:04,160 - Look, here's the thing. It definitely takes a few tries. - Yeah, we've— we've been trying. 81 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,440 This was our fourth try, so... 82 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,080 - Yeah. - God, what are we doing wrong? 83 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:11,920 - Is there anything we can, like, do or Steph can, like— Is there anything she can eat? 84 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:15,600 - I mean, you could have a lot more unprotected sex. Ha ha! That's... 85 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,600 No one's in the mood for jokes. Um... 86 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:23,560 Uh, no. Look, this is very much a part of the process, all right? 87 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:27,320 You do have a number of fertilised eggs from your last retrieval. 88 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,040 - Yeah. - OK? 89 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:32,720 So, really, we could start another round... 90 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,720 kind of when you're ready. 91 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,720 Yeah? 92 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,880 - Mm. 93 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,160 - Mm. Look at that. 94 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:45,280 Hmm. Little coffee spill. 95 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:47,720 Do you know what? Had a crown done. 96 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,640 (TEETH CLICK) 97 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,520 All fell out. The coffee falls out. 98 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,520 (CURIOUS MUSIC) 99 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:01,160 - Babe. 100 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:06,560 So you're not gonna drive into oncoming traffic, are ya? - No. 101 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:13,960 Can't be bothered. (CHUCKLES DRILY, SNIFFLES) - That's the spirit. (CLICKS TONGUE) 102 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,960 - Just feels like I'm failing at 103 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:21,480 a test that I've done the homework for, you know? - Mm. 104 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:25,840 Would a participation certificate feel fun or patronising? 105 00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:31,960 - We're gonna have to deal with everyone's really sad, sympathetic faces as we tell them that, 106 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,960 nope, it didn't work... 107 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:36,600 (SOFTLY) again. 108 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,160 - I reckon we cancel Lily's birthday dinner. 109 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:42,440 - No, we can't, because we'll never hear the end of it. - It's not even her birthday. 110 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:45,120 - I know. I'm just having a moment, but I'll be fine. 111 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:47,200 - Are you sure? - Yeah. Yeah. 112 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,200 I'll be good by tonight. 113 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,200 (SOBS LOUDLY) 114 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,160 - WHISPERS: Are you sure she wants to do that? - Eh, she's fine. 115 00:05:56,160 --> 00:06:00,240 - No, we're not cancelling, OK? This is the first of my many birthday celebrations. 116 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,120 - You're turning 34, mate. It's hardly, like, a significant birthday. 117 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:06,120 - Yeah, but I've already told you guys the insignificant ones are my favourite. 118 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:07,760 - OK, then let's just get takeaways or something. 119 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:11,160 - No, she said cooking would be good for her process. - Really? It doesn't look like it. 120 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:13,280 - Um... (SIGHS, SNIFFLES) 121 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:15,280 Dinner's ready. 122 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,040 - Yay! 123 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:18,640 - (SOBS) 124 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,640 (CUTLERY SCRAPES) 125 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,360 SOBS: Sorry. I think I cried into the gravy, so it's a bit salty. 126 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,720 - Nah, it's yum. - Yeah. I reckon that's your best one yet, baby. 127 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,720 - Thanks. 128 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,760 - Oh my God. Steph. (CUTLERY HITS PLATE) 129 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:39,040 I'm really sorry about what happened to you today, but you're making my birthday party so bleak. 130 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,640 - Lily! - What? She is. 131 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:43,400 She won't stop crying. She looks like a panda. 132 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:46,920 - (GASPS) I think I have almost got it out of me. 133 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:50,040 - I barely even noticed it. - Thank you, Johnny. (SOBS) 134 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,840 - What?! We're supposed to be celebrating my 34th birthday. 135 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:55,560 - Lily, you have two more birthday dinners this week, 136 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,880 plus that zoo thing, which I— What is the zoo thing? 137 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,240 - Oh my God. It's like a night zoo party. 138 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,800 - And it's for grown-ups? - Yes! Oh my gosh. 139 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,040 - OK. - I put a deposit down. - You're totally right. 140 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:08,840 And I do. I really do need to stop crying, babe. (SNIFFLES) 141 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:11,920 - Maybe we just need to get more drunk. 142 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:18,680 - I don't know if that's a good idea. - Oh, go, go. 143 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,680 (ROCK MUSIC) 144 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,040 Whoo! 145 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,160 (CORK POPS, ALL CHEER) 146 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:27,880 (ALL EXCLAIM) 147 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:33,080 So there is power in bottoms? - Oh, yeah. No, you can be a power— 148 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,920 - Johnny! - Yeah! Whoo! 149 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:38,960 - Oh my God, Johnny. - And you got beers. Thank you. - I didn't even know you'd gone. 150 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:46,360 - You know what? I'm glad that I didn't get pregnant because I do not want to ruin my gorgeous body. 151 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:47,720 Oh! (COUGHS) 152 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:48,600 Give me another one. 153 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:52,920 Babe, did I tell you that my trainer said I have very strong deltoids? 154 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,200 Which ones are my deltoids? 155 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,600 SLURS: I love you guys! 156 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,200 - Oh! 157 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:03,040 - Do you know what... 158 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:06,120 what really pisses... me off though? 159 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:11,160 People — hey just freak out about getting pregnant by accident. 160 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:15,360 But we can't even get pregnant on purpose. - Yes. Yes, like my friend Portia. 161 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:20,320 Remember her from high school? You know, her boyfriend's sperm was in the pool, and she was in the— 162 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:24,000 she hopped in the pool, and then it swam accidentally inside her. - Um, yeah, look, 163 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,040 I don't know Portia; I don't know your school. - It's anatomically impossible. 164 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,240 - But I definitely know that's impossible. - Sperm cannot, like... 165 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:33,240 - She was a virgin before that. Well, explain her kid. She's got, like, a 14-year-old now. 166 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,440 - Hey, pick up four. - I don't know. It could also be my sperm, though, you know? 167 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:39,760 Cos I've got my laptop in my lap all the time, so I could've just cooked my sperm. 168 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:44,000 - Nah, it's not your sperm. You've got really good sperm. It's... 169 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,480 - Yeah, it's definitely my... 170 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,520 rotten eggs. - Sorry, Steph, you gotta pick up. 171 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:53,800 - Johnny, what the fuck? - CHUCKLES: What? She said not to go easy on her. 172 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,280 - It's fine. It's totally fine. 173 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,920 SIGHS: Four. - OK, What about this? 174 00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:05,240 Don't get mad, but, like, have you ever just thought, Steph, that maybe it doesn't need to all be you? 175 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:06,960 What about Nat? 176 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:12,280 Just saying, you know? Like, your egg, but use Nat as the... - Microwave. 177 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:15,080 - Yeah, like the chef, the cook, you know? - Yeah. 178 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,280 - Or what if Nat just does the whole thing? 179 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,280 - (STAMMERS) Oh. 180 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:25,000 Well, I mean, Nat doesn't wanna carry. - Nah, exactly. 181 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:29,080 I mean, she's on all the mummy blogs, and she follows all the mummy influencers. 182 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:32,160 I guess we haven't... ruled it out entirely. 183 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,640 Have we? No. 184 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,440 - Have we not ruled it out, though? 185 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:41,000 - CHUCKLES: It'll be weird, though — like, me and Johnny as a combo. - CHUCKLES: Yeah. 186 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:44,840 - Not since, like, my year 12 semiformal. - Ooh, triggered. 187 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:48,920 Um... I mean, (LAUGHS) it's crazy, but... - Yeah. 188 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,920 ...it kind of— it kind of makes sense. 189 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,480 - What? You— You think you and Johnny make sense? 190 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,760 - Yeah. I mean, what's stopping us? We've got the stuff. 191 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,720 - Because this is completely insane! - We've got all the stuff here though, right? 192 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,080 - Yes. I've got that tofurky baster thing from Midwinter Christmas. 193 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,600 - Wait, are you seriously serious about—? - What's stopping us? 194 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,400 What's stopping us? - Uh, because it's crazy, babe. 195 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,120 - Yeah, but like, fuck the clinic. Fuck the fertility clinic. 196 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,040 Why don't we just, like, you know, take the power back — 197 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,280 you know, all the embryo transfers and the waiting list and, 198 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:18,520 like, that weird woman at reception with the red hair who's always like, 'Oh, here they come again!' 199 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:20,840 - You want a baby in your body? 200 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:24,240 - I just want a family with you. 201 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,640 WHISPERS: That's what I want. - (SIGHS) 202 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,640 - OK. Got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! 203 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,200 I've got it. It's all clean. It's totally fine. (BLOWS) 204 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,040 So, Johnny, that's for you to (CLICKS TONGUE) into, you know? 205 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,480 And that's for you to... hwoop! - Oh. 206 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:44,360 - (STAMMERS) I don't know. - Can we just, you know, tie-ho on the— on the things? 207 00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:48,320 Because, like, is it even a good time for you the moment? - Yeah. I mean, yeah. 208 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,000 Yeah, it is, but... - Oh, OK. 209 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,000 - Yeah. - Right. 210 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:56,600 - No, no, no. We can't. - Yeah, I just don't think this is, like, the appropriate forum 211 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,040 for us to be having this conversation. - It's a fun thought. 212 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:01,640 - Oh, it's a fun thought. Don't get me wrong. It's fun thought. 213 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:06,480 But just because we could, it doesn't mean we should. 214 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,480 - Yeah. 215 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,880 I mean, we could. (CHUCKLES) 216 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:17,880 (ROCK MUSIC) 217 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,120 - Should we...? 218 00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:25,680 - Here it is. 219 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:31,440 Wow! (CACKLES) - That was quick! 220 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,160 - Whoo! 221 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,920 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 222 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:43,920 - Go away! We're gonna make love. 223 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,520 We have to make love. - OK, I'm sorry. 224 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,520 - (LAUGHS) 225 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,520 (ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES) 226 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,800 - Whoo! 227 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,600 (PHONE ALARM BLARES) - Mm! - (GROANS) 228 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,400 Oh. - (GROANS) 229 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,000 - Oh God. 230 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,800 - (GROANS) - Wait, what time is it? 231 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,680 Because I can't be late for work today. 232 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,680 - Oh, fuck. 233 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,160 Oh. (YAWNS) 234 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,960 MUMBLES: It's 11.30. 235 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,440 - Oh, what did you say? - 11.30. 236 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,880 - Oh God. - (GRUNTS) 237 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:19,520 - Oh, shit. 238 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:20,640 Shit. 239 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,240 Shit. Oh, I— I am still drunk. 240 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,800 - Hey, come back to bed. - I'm so... - Come on. 241 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,480 Come on. - Why? Whoa, whoa. 242 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:32,280 Why are you not freaking out about— about this? - I don't have work today. 243 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,680 - What? - I've got the day off. 244 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:36,920 - Ugh. 245 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:40,520 That is cruel. That is so, so cruel. - (CHUCKLES) 246 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:46,520 - You know what? I take back everything I've ever said about teachers not being paid enough. 247 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,520 - (YAWNS) 248 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:53,840 - (GROANS) 249 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,840 - Oh my God. 250 00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:01,440 I think I still have Johnny's sperm in me. 251 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:08,240 CHUCKLES: 'Oh my God.' I have not uttered that sentence for a long time. 252 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:13,320 I think I feel nostalgic for being, like, straight. (GIGGLES) 253 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:16,640 - What if you are, like, actually pregnant? - Oh, babe, look, 254 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:20,760 I don't think you did a very good job of, like, getting it all inside me, to be honest. 255 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,600 - Yeah, right. - No offence. 256 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:27,600 - No. See, I have, like, bad hand-eye coordination, I guess. 257 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,640 - You should call in sick. - I can't. I can't call in sick. - Come on. 258 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:35,400 Let's go get a big breakfast somewhere. - I can't call in sick! 259 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,400 - Why not? - Because I work for my dad, 260 00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,840 who has zero empathy in these situations. 261 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:46,040 - CHUCKLES: Aww, you're my little nepo baby. - (GROANS) Don't. 262 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,360 - Nom-nom-nom that privilege. - Stop it! 263 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,440 - For me and you. - (GROANS, FAKE SOBS) 264 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,840 - OK, well, I'm gonna go pee. 265 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:58,360 Then I'm gonna shake out the rest of Johnny's sperm. - Oh my God! 266 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,520 - Ai-ai-ai. - Don't even, like, joke about it. 267 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:05,680 - And you, do not— do not drive. - Oh yeah. I'm definitely over the limit. I'll catch a cab. 268 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:09,360 - This whole sperm thing has been such a fun throwback, 269 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:12,760 but I will make sure that I get the rest out of me. 270 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,760 Yeah. 271 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:21,320 - My Uber's here, babe. See ya. - Bye, babe! 272 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,440 - Morning. 273 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,000 - Ooh, can I...? - Yeah. Yeah. 274 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,720 - WHISPERS: Oh, man. 275 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,720 Is Lily alive? (CHUCKLES) - Yeah, I um... 276 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,320 I think I heard her throwing up in the bathroom this morning, so that's good. 277 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,520 - Steph had to Uber to work. - Oh. 278 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:40,120 Why didn't she just pull a sickie? - Cos she's a loser. 279 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,240 She's, like, desperate for her dad's love and approval. 280 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,320 - Oh, sad. - I'm joking. I'm joking. 281 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,320 I love her. 282 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,520 Hey, um,... 283 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:53,840 I don't think I'm pregnant, by the way. 284 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:55,840 - Really? - (CHUCKLES) 285 00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:58,520 - No, I was just... 286 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:01,040 Man, I was really nervous this morning. 287 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:03,640 I'd promised your dad that I would never get you pregnant, so... 288 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:07,640 - Yeah, that was like, when were 16, though, you know? - Yeah, but a promise is a promise. 289 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,720 - You're an idiot. - Yeah. 290 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,720 (GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC) 291 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,560 - OK, ready? (BLOWS WHISTLE) 292 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,920 Let's go, team bibs, team no bibs. That's it. 293 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:20,040 - Honestly, what is the point in watching the... 294 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:23,120 They can't even tackle each other. - We're here for morale. 295 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:26,400 - No. I'm here to see these bitches take each other down. 296 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,520 - Oh, lovely! (BLOWS WHISTLE) 297 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:31,000 - They've actually had a really tough season so far. 298 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,520 Like, puberty's setting in, so it's making them all a bit crazy. 299 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,120 - It's weird that you know that. - Well, I know heaps about sports. 300 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,120 (THUD!) Oh. 301 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,280 Ooh, oh dear. 302 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,680 - Ah, you see, this is why I could never be a teacher. 303 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:47,640 I'd be so suspicious. She's just playing that out. - No, I think she's really hurt. 304 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,000 - Total Hollywood. 305 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,680 - Would you mind? - Oh no. 306 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,080 Hello. - God's sake, you've gotta be kidding me. 307 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,720 - Blow the whistle? Do you wanna blow it? 308 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,000 Boo! (CHUCKLES) 309 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,280 - OK, is that enough milf-gawking for one day? I'd quite like my free breakfast. 310 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:01,560 - Oh, hello. 311 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:06,040 - The baby's just getting good. - (CHUCKLES) The what? 312 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:10,560 - The game, the game. The game's just... getting good. 313 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:14,320 - (GROWLS) I'm the whistle monster. (CHUCKLES) 314 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,640 (BLOWS WHISTLE) Oh no, you've broken it! 315 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:21,840 I swear to God, if one of those kids has given me a super flu or some germy kid shit, 316 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:24,480 I'm gonna bench them for the rest of the season. 317 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,920 - Can I get you anything? Peppy tea? 318 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:32,400 - Big plastic ball with a door, and I open the door and I lock myself in, and the kids can't touch me. 319 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,400 - That's a good idea. 320 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:38,840 Um, so... 321 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,000 I've been thinking that 322 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:44,960 I might want to try again. 323 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,040 - (SIGHS) 324 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:53,040 (TENSE MUSIC) 325 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,680 - Nothing's really changed for me, you know? 326 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:05,040 I still really want to have a baby. 327 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,960 What do you think? 328 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,280 - I think I love you. 329 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:16,200 But I've also just loved how relaxed you've been, you know? 330 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:21,320 And it's just nice to think that we can have this time together that doesn't involve me, like, 331 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:26,480 injecting you with hormones every night, you know? - Yeah, I do. I do get that. 332 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,840 - You've already booked the appointment, haven't you? - Yep. 333 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:34,440 - Steph... - But it's just to, like, see what our next steps might be. 334 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:37,200 - When is it? - Next week. 335 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:40,800 - Next— Next week?! - Yeah, but we don't have to start anything, you know. 336 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:45,080 It's just, like, a super casual, casual chit-chat. 337 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:52,440 - OK. I'm not gonna debate you on it because I can see you've already made your mind up, so... 338 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,440 - WHISPERS: Thank you. 339 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,440 (BOTH CHUCKLE SOFTLY) 340 00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:59,440 Come here, you little sicko. - Eh? What? 341 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,120 - Give me your jizz. - CHUCKLES: No. 342 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:02,560 - You got some jizz? - Yeah, I do. 343 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,000 - I want it. - Mm-hmm. 344 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:08,600 (BOTH KISS) - I want your jizz. - Ooh, that was a good one. 345 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,480 SOFTLY: Shit. 346 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,480 Shit. 347 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:16,680 Shit, shit, shit. 348 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,000 (EXHALES SLOWLY) 349 00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:38,280 (TYRES SCREECH ON VIDEOGAME) 350 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:49,720 - Are you all good? - Yeah. Is, um, Lily home? - Uh, nah, she's gone out with, um— 351 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,720 - I missed my period. 352 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,520 - Oh. Oh! 353 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:55,520 Wow, right. Um... 354 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:59,840 That's normal, though, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kinda. I mean, I guess... 355 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,160 I missed my last one as well. - Sorry, what? 356 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:05,960 - Oh, it's irregular sometimes. - Sometimes? - Yeah, kind of. 357 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:09,040 - Kind of. OK, um, I reckon, um, talk to Steph about that. 358 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:13,200 - I'm sure it's chill. - Nat, talk to Steph about it. 359 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,120 - Well, Steph, this is a lovely surprise. 360 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,200 Have you missed me? - Yeah, heaps! 361 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:21,640 - (CHUCKLES) No Nat today? - Oh, she's just feeling a bit under the weather, actually. 362 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,440 - Do you know what? I think there's something going around. - Yeah. Yeah. 363 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,920 - Yes. Uh, how are you feeling? 364 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,000 - Um, yeah, I'm OK. 365 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,880 I just thought it might be a good idea to talk about next steps. 366 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,360 - Yes. How's the baby feeling? 367 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,880 - Excuse me? - The baby. How's the baby feeling? 368 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,720 - Uh, w-what baby? 369 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,440 - NAT: You don't think... 370 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:46,320 You don't think I... Nah! 371 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:47,480 No way. - Nat. 372 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,960 - I should do a pregnancy test. - You should do a pregnancy test. - I hate peeing on command. 373 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,040 - I don't have a baby. I'm— 374 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:59,120 I'm here to get help with having a baby? Yeah. - Of course. I'm so sorry. 375 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:01,120 (TENSE MUSIC) 376 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,240 (MUTTERS) 377 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,720 - Jesus, Nat. Why do you always have to come to me with your personal problems? 378 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,760 - Will you just excuse me for one moment? - Uh, what's going on? 379 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,080 - This is just like that time where I had to hide that you were bi 380 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,320 for a year, and then I got that stomach ulcer. 381 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:19,040 - Does it say that I'm pregnant on that piece of paper? - Just one moment is all I need. 382 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,040 - Am I pregnant? 383 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,080 - It's negative. - Oh, thank God. 384 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,640 Bloody hell, Nat. Scared the shit outta me. 385 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,840 (HUFFS) I'm going outside to do some mindfulness. 386 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,400 - Oh, my God. I cannot believe this is happening. I cannot believe this is happening! 387 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:36,920 Six weeks ago, I wasn't pregnant, so how could I possibly be pregnant today? 388 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,520 - I don't know. - (SIGHS) You don't know either? 389 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:43,600 Do you think it could be that your— your filing system is— is completely fucked? (BREATHES SHAKILY) 390 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:47,240 - Um, no. (CHUCKLES) - A baby. Oh my God. (GASPS) 391 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,240 - Surprise! 392 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,200 (TYRES SCREECH) 393 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:56,120 (CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) 394 00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:02,000 - Where's Nat? - Still in the bathroom, I think. 395 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,680 - Nat? 396 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,400 Nat? 397 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,400 Nat, let me in. 398 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,560 Nat, 399 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,560 I'm pregnant. 400 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,280 (SIGHS) (DOOR UNLOCKS) 401 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,240 (BREATHES HEAVILY) 402 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,800 - Me too. 403 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,080 Oh. 404 00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:37,480 - # I love to wake up in the morning 405 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:41,880 # but keep dreaming without warning. The day is gone. 406 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:48,360 # My friends are sitting laughing while I just keep on napping. 407 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:52,680 # They're knocking on my door, but I'm knocking them down. 408 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:57,680 # They say I'm acting crazy, but I just want to lie in the sun. # 32601

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