All language subtitles for 2dsfdfsdccfc

You wanna be a cop?

I wanna be a police
officer like you.

Now, wait a minute, Sidney,
you can't be a...

Uh-huh. No, I mean...

Yeah, just like I thought,
you're not interested.

No, no, I didn't say that.
That's not what I meant.

No, you're like
everybody else.

You think I'm stupid. No, no, I don't.

Well, let me tell
you something.

I'm gonna be something
if it kills me.

Look, boy, it's not
easy being a cop.

What does it
cost me to try?

The pay stinks.
The hours are worse.

It's a rough, tough,
thankless job.

You don't
wanna be a cop.

Yes, I do.

Okay, kid.

I'm gonna make you a cop.

I'm gonna make you the best
doggone cop in this town.

Honest to goodness? Honest to goodness.

That's wonderful. Come on,
let's go get a badge.

No, wait a minute.
Now, wait a minute, boy.

There's a few things
we gotta do first.

Yeah, like what?

Well, now, we gotta
get you enrolled
in the police academy.

Well, that sounds
like fun.

Fun, yeah. Well,
if you can call

13 weeks
of backbreaking work

and brain-busting
examinations fun,

well, that's it. Well, don't worry about me.

I can do anything
I have to do.
I can do anything I wanna do.

Now, how do I get into
this here academy?

Well, first you gotta be
recommended
by a police officer.

Oh, well, that would
be you, right?

Yeah, that'd be me.

And then what's
the next step?

Well, then the recommendation
has to be okay'd

by the precinct captain.

Well, that would
be Captain Riley. Mm-hm.

Well, he likes you,
doesn't he?

Oh, sure,
he's crazy about me.

Yeah,
especially now.

Then what do we got
to worry about?

Sidney Pythias
a police officer?

Are you out of your mind?

But, captain-- Be quiet.

You wanna take
this half-baked, dimwitted...

He's not half-baked
and he's not dimwitted.

He's just a little... shy. Shy?

This creep ought to have
his own revolving door.

Well, I can see
it's no use arguing with you

after what that
Henshaw dame told you.

Yeah, and if it wasn't
for that Henshaw dame,

and you came in here
with that stupid suggestion,

I'd hit you over your
silly head with that inkstand.

What are you
talking about?

Martha Henshaw
just left here.

She told me that
in her opinion,

you were best qualified
to handle so-called

delinquents
like Sidney.

She said
she wouldn't interfere.

Yeah?

She said that? Yeah.

Well, what do you know.

But as far as making
Sidney Pythias
a police officer,

don't you think that's
pushing things
a little too hard?

Captain, I promise you
he can do it.

And I promise you

that in 24 hours,

the police academy
will be burned to the ground.

No, I won't okay it.

Is that final, sir?

That's final.

Yes, sir.

Final.

Mike.Yes, sir?

Do you really think...? Captain,

he's honest,
he's got guts

and he's a decent
human being.

Captain...

Captain, I'm begging you.

All right.

I'll okay it.

But get this.

He's your responsibility,

first, last and always. Yes, sir.

And if anything
goes wrong--

No, no, sir, nothing
will go wrong,

captain, nothing will
go wrong, I promise you.

Nothing, I promise.

Nothing.

Gentlemen, we're in trouble.

Terrible, terrible trouble.

All right, now, do you
understand?

Yeah, perfectly.
I understand that.

Okay, what's next? Well, this here.

What's that, what's that?

That's your application
for the police academy.

What's it say, what's it say? There's a lot of questions.

For example, for example? Well, there's...

You have to repeat
everything twice?

Oh, no. Oh, no.
Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

Now, let's get down to...

Hey, how about
that Martha Henshaw

turning out to be
a right chick, huh?

Yeah, that's terrific.You can't knock
a girl like her.

No. She's honest and pretty,

beautiful, intelligent.
Lovely girl.Oh...

You know,
and she could really have

fouled me up
with Captain Riley.

But she didn't.
She turned around
and made me a big man.

Oh, that's really terrific.

Yes, sir! Now, the appli...

Hey, you sort of
like her, huh?

Fair. Uh-huh. Fair.
Yeah, well,

I think you like her
a little better than a lot.

As a matter of fact,
I think that's all

you got on your
mind right now.

No, you're crazy.
The only thing I got
on my mind right now

is trying to get you
into the police academy.

Ha, ha, ha-- Ha, ha, ha.

Come on, now, Martha,
let's get this
thing filled out.

Well, whatever you say,
Harriet.

You know, I was talking
to Hilda on the phone Sunday,

and she said that there
was no chance of us...

Let's get to
the application, then.

Yeah, let's get to these
requirements.Yeah.

You're an American citizen,
right? Right.

Right. 21 years of age
or over, right? Right.

Right. Sound of body?Right.

Right. Sound of mind?

Could we go back to
that question a little later?

I'd like to check on it.

Oh-oh. Here's one. Where, where?

Here, here.

They prefer that
you speak a smattering

of a foreign language.Why?

Well, suppose
you're put on duty

in a neighborhood where they
only spoke a foreign language.

Oh, you mean
like Brooklyn?

Well, that makes sense.
I can speak a smattering
of Mongolian.

Oh, yeah? You wanna hear?

Yeah.

You're kidding.Would I lie to you?

Yeah, well, that's all
very well, but look,

you've gotta speak
a normal foreign language.

Well, in high school,
I took four years of French.

Yeah? You wanna hear some?

Yeah.

No.

No.

All right, Sidney.
Come on, now,

we're wasting time.
We've got things to do here.

What's this? What's what?

This. This?

Well, this is part
of your entrance exam.

I borrowed it
from the police academy

so you could get
used to it.

Oh, well, what's it do? Oh, well, here.

There we go. Oh, I know what that is.

Yeah, what is it? I don't know what that is.

It's a test designed
to test your reflexes

and your reactions.

See, now, you take out all
these little blocks here,

you mix them up
all real good, see?

Then, in a given length
of time, you take it back

and you put the octagonal
in the octagonal hole,

the round one
in the round hole.

Simple, huh? You did very well.

Thank you. Okay, what's next?

No, no, Sidney, no.
I want you to work the blocks.

Oh, no, wait a minute,
that's for kids.

Come on, try it.

No, but I-- Please.

But I-- Now!

Okay. I feel a little silly,
though, because kids do this,

you know,
and it's so simple. Out. Out.

All of them? Yeah. All of them.

All right, now...?All right.

Now!Okay.

How much time have
I got to do this?

This... Here,
I'll put this...

They don't fit good
like when yours... Was.

You mustn't get mad,
though, when...

They don't fit as good.

Well, the kids I saw
were larger kids, maybe.

You can just throw
it right in it.

How did yours fit in
so nice when you...?

It's hard
to do this part.

It don't work good
with me.

This...
Maybe...

You get awfully frustrated
when they don't...

Maybe the kids were using
different kinds of blocks.

Ohhh-ho-ho-ho!

I hurt it a little.

Well, how was the time?

I mean, I threw one away
when I was... And I...

You see, I...
But I...

What if I didn't...?
You can't close the box?

But I... I mean, it fell
into place like...

How was it, then?

All right, now,
come on,

let's get this application
filled out.

Come in. Anybody home?

Well, look who's here. Hello, Sidney.

Hello, Miss Henshaw.
Just a minute.

Oh, thank you.

Hello. Hi!

I mean, how are you? Oh, just fine.

I stopped by to apologize
to both of you.

I acted quite childish.

Oh, no, no, it's me
who should apologize.

I talked with
Captain Riley and...

I mean, thanks
for those kind words.

Well, I know
you boys are busy.

No, no, we're not!Oh, yes, we are. You see,

I'm practicing
and rehearsing because

I'm going
into the police academy.

Captain Riley told me.
Good luck, Sidney.

I know you'll pass. Thank you very much.

Well, I do have a date.
I should be...

Well, uh, uh...

Well, can't you
stick around a while?

How can she?
We got a lot of work to do.

I gotta learn
about the application

and putting the blocks,

and you gotta teach me...
Although I know it,

so you don't have
to teach me nothing.

Why don't you take
Miss Henshaw home

and I'll stay here
and I'll work on this.

Oh, Sidney,
that won't be necessary.
I can take a cab.

No, no, I insist!He insists.

Uh, yeah. Come on.

Oh, excuse me a minute.
Sidney, come here.

Look, I want you to
study this application,

then fill out the questions
very thoroughly.

I'll check with you
when I get off work.

All right?All right. Oh, listen.

You don't like her
at all, right?

No. No.

Hee-gee.

Goodbye, Sidney.Goodbye, Miss Henshaw.

Bye, kid.

I'll lick you yet!

This goes in here,
whether he likes it or not,

and that'll fit there.

But it don't fit,
so I won't do that one.

I'll put this one here
and that one there.

Good morning, officer.

Good evening,
officer.

How do you do, officer?

Oh...

All right, hold it there.

Come along, children.
Children, come along.

Hold it.
Good morning, honey.

Good afternoon, madam.

Can I help you with your car?

HERMAN: Sidney! Oh, just a minute.

Uh...

One second.

Sidney!

Oh, hello, Mr. Herman. What are you doing?

Well, I'm just
playing a game. Forget about the games.

What about the lights?
What about the heat?

What about the dumbwaiter? Well, I fixed the dumbwaiter.

You fixed it? Well, yeah.

Well, it don't work! Well, I don't
understand that.

I fixed it.
I'll show you, Mr. Herman.

I don't understand at all,

because I worked very
hard on this thing.

I worked and worked to
make sure that it was... I...

So you fixed it, huh? Yeah, well, I thought...

Get out of there!
I'll fix this thing once
and for all myself.

Be careful
of your head, Mr. Herman.

Get me a flashlight! Yeah, but I'd like to...

Shut up and get me
a flashlight!

Yes, I will.

I really don't
understand this at all.

I fixed it. And you
better be careful

that you don't
hurt yourself.

Your whole place can get...
From in there.

Ahh!

Sidney!

Hello.

I said, hello. I think.

Goodbye. Sidney.

Yeah?

Sidney, am I unattractive? Oh, no, ma'am.

Am I old, decrepit, witchlike?

Oh, no. Then why in the world

do you constantly
ignore me?

I'm a young woman,
21 years old, and whether
you know it or not,

quite in demand by young men
who would just love
to take me out.

I know that.
I know that.

I know you're
in constant demand.

I know a lot about you.

I know you're 21 years of age
and you were born in Albany,

you're studying to be a nurse.
I know all that.

You're very young,
you're very pretty,

you're very much in demand
with other fellas
and you smell nice.

Well, then why
in the world...? Why in the world?

Because I'm nothing.

You don't deserve
to be with that, a nothing.

You wait till
it's something, me.

When I'm something,
then I'll talk to you.

I don't think you should be
with nothing. That's it, see?

And I'll be something.

And until then,
there's no hugging.

Or kissing and things...
With smelling nice.

I'll be somebody
and when I'm somebody,
then it'll be right.

But I'm not now,
so it's no good
at all to be with you.

And when I'm somebody,

and it'll be sooner
than you think,

sooner than a lot of people
think, I'll be something,

then I'll talk to you
and all that.

I'll empty your
wastebasket.

You smell nice.

Dropped a few
of those things...

Mm.

Is this it?This is it, kid.

Well, Mike,

I'm gonna go and pass
my entrance examinations

with flying colors.

You can do it, kid. I can do it, kid.

You can do it as well
as anybody else, Sidney.

I can do it as well
as anybody else, Sidney.

You're gonna be
a police officer.

I'm going home. You're gonna stay right here.

Well, I'm scared, Mike.

Now, look, Sidney,
after you pass

your entrance
examinations,

you're over
the first big hurdle.

Yeah, I know,
but I'm still scared.

I'd like you to be with me.
Maybe you could help me.

That's another thing,
now, Sidney.

Remember,
I'm a police officer.

As far as you're concerned,

I've gotta take a completely
unbiased attitude.

But after work at night,
I'll help you out a little.

Oh, good.
Thanks a lot, Mike. Good luck, kid.

Thank you.Goodbye.

So long.

Next. Yes, sir.

Name? William C. Goerner, sir.

Goerner. Your temporary
serial number is 016439712.

You got that?

Yes, sir. My temporary serial
number is 016439712.

All right. You fill out
this entrance examination,

answering all required
questions.

Then proceed immediately
to be graded,
third floor, Room 305,

by Sergeant Rose,

after which you'll report
to section nine,

personal analysis,
B Unit, Sergeant Brown.

Is that clear? Yes, sir.

I fill out the entrance
examination,

answering all required
questions.

I then proceed immediately
to be graded, third floor,
Room 305,

Sergeant Rose. I then report
to section nine,

personal analysis, Unit B,
Sergeant Brown.

Right.

Next.

Yes, sir. Name?

Pythias.
Sidney L. Pythias.

Uh... Pintin...
Peentakiss.

No, sir, I beg your pardon,
that's Pythias.

P-Y-T-H-I-A-S, Pythias.

That's what I said.
"Pinktinius."

No, there's no "pink."

No, it's a "Pyth."

P-Y-T-H-I-A-S is Pythias.
There's no "pink" in it.

All right, Poontangginius,
your temporary--

Where'd you get
"Poontangginius"? No.

No, there's no
"poontan" in it.

There's no "pink"
and there's not even...

It's plain "Pyth."
P-Y-T-H-I-A-S, Pythias.

Your temporary serial
number is 016439713.

You got that?There's no "poontan" in it.

No, you said
"Poontanggini." I said--

No. Just a second,
please excuse me.

It's not "Poontanahah,"
it's Pythias.
Pyth... Excuse me.

It's Pyth... P-Y...
P-Y-T-H-I-A-S.

It's Pythias, Sidney.

I am not interested
in your name.

Did you get
that serial number?

Oh, that... My serial number?
Yeah, 0 and 2 was there...

Was...? Never mind. Never mind.

It's written on
the application anyway.

So I don't need it, do I?

All right, you're
section five,
so you'll go to Room 619,

sixth floor, Unit B
and ask
for Sergeant Mizakowski.

He'll give you an AMR number
and assign you.

Now, you got that straight?

Yes, sir.
I go up to the floor

and it's Room 69.

And there's a Sergeant Misan,

and he'll give me
an A and P number.

Six-nineteen. Room...

Now you got me mixed up. 619. I got it now.

Look, it's Mizakowski,
Sergeant...

I got it now.
Sergeant Mizandhidin.

Sergeant Mizakowski.

No, Pythias.
P-Y-T-H-I-A-S is my name.

I thought I was
Mizankouzin. See?

Now, just listen
to me, mister. Yes, sir. Yes.

Just get up there. Get up there. Where, sir?

Anywhere. I don't care,
anywhere, ad-lib it,

do anything,
but get out of here!

Yes, I will.
Do I get my papers?

Mizanhausen is
on the sixth place

with the 19th...
Very difficult.

Next. Yes, sir.

Name?Mizakowski.

Chester A. Mizakowski.

How would you like a punch
in the mouth?

Say, is this
where they told me?

They said to come
to the room.

This here?

Are you Sergeant Mizenkozen?

This is your first step
in the examination,

and you've got 30 seconds
to do it in.

Oh, the box. Oh, this
is the box with
the squares and the...

The rectangulars
and "octagoganals."

I worked with that.

This is a snap, 30 seconds
to do... It's a different box.

Left... hut!

Right face!

Parade front!

Left face!

One step forward!
March!

Left face!

Forward march!

Hut, hut.

Rear march!

Rear march!

Rear march!
Rear march!

Rear march!

Halt!

First of all, be sure
the ink is distributed

thinly and evenly
on the glass plate.

Then taking the hand,

firmly take the thumb,

or whatever finger
you would use,

roll it on the glass plate
from left to right.

Then transfer in the same
manner to the record.

Now, we'll try it
with you first.

All right? Well...

You'd rather
have this hand? Yeah, I'm nervous.

It doesn't make
any difference.

The chart has for both hands,
right and left.

Yeah, but I-- Now, just relax.

Yeah. Just relax. That's it.

I never been
fingerprinted before.

Don't worry about it.
Doesn't hurt.

Now, just relax.
Now, we'll put it right here--

I'm sorry, sir, but you see,
I'm nervous.

Pythias, I said
to relax.

Yes, I will. Just relax your hand.

All right. Relax it. All right, now.

Relax your hand.Well, I'm trying,

but I'm nervous. I'll tell you what we'll do.

We will now ink the tips
of the four fingers

and transfer them
in the same manner.

All right? Now, relax.
Just relax. That's it.

Well, it's just that
I was nervous, you see.

There's nothing-- Well, don't get mad,

because I was just gonna
say that I'm nervous...

I didn't mean...
Well, you see...

What I meant to say
was that because of this...

Wipe it off. Wipe it off?

Yes.Ooh.

Well, I'm awfully sorry, sir,
but I'm nervous, you s--

Well, a little will help it,
I think.

Wipe it off.

Yes, sir. I'm awfully
sorry about...

Maybe I got a different
rag to get it.

Today we're covering one
of the most important

facets of police work:
Self-defense.

We're very fortunate today in
having with us the Great Togo.

He has graciously
consented to give us
an actual demonstration

in the art
of sumo wrestling.

How do you do, Mr. Togo?Konnichiwa.

Yeah, konnichiwa.

Now, then, how would
you like to proceed?

Doyu hoho o tottara
ii deshoka?

Kono naka kara dareka
hitori erandara
dodeshoka ne?

He would like
to pick his opponent.

Oh, well, fine! Fine.
Come on in. Here are the boys.

Kono hito
wa dodeshoka ne?

He prefers
this young man.

Well, now, wait a minute.
I don't wanna tell Mr. Togo

his business here,

but you... You'd better
tell him that I'd better
wrestle him.

Dame rashii desu yo.

Kono kata no ho ga keiken ga
arunkara dodesho ka?

Kono kata
to sumo shitara ne.

Iya, kono hito
wa dame jya.

Yappari boku kono
hito no ho ga ii wai.

He still prefers this man
to wrestle with.

Well, excuse...
Excuse... I mean...

I would... I would...
Would you be good enough

to ask him for me,
please,

why he wants me?

Naze kono hito ga
iindesu ka?

Kono hito wa kore,
chotto Nihonjin

mitai na kao
shiteru kara ne.

What did he say?

Because you look Japanese.

Oh, because
I look Japanese.

Huh?

Oh, well...

Okay, if that's
the way you want it.

No, no,
wait a minute, Sidney--

Well, it's all right, Mike.
He could have chosen anyone,

but he picked me and...

That's fine, wonderful,
except I don't think
it's fair.

No, I don't think
it's fair either.

No, because I'm taller
and he can get hurt.

Oh, jeez!

All right, men! Disperse
around the edge of the mat.
Sit down.

Mr. Terry.

All right. Now, then,
Mr. Terry, how do we begin?

Assume
the first position.

Ooh!

Well, he told me to come...
He said to take this place.

Go!

Oh.

Oh.

Now what? Approach the opponent.
Hakkeyoi.

Oh, wait a second.
What a scare job!

Hey, wait. No, wait
one second, please.

Don't... Don't hurt me.
I mean, let's talk a little.

What?

Wait, wait. Friday, if I can
get the car, all right?

What...? What did
he say then?

He says,
"Don't be afraid!"

Yeah, I guess it's silly.
What's there to be--?

Afraid of? Wait a second.
Don't you help me, that...

There's plenty to be afraid...
Wait, hold it a second.

Listen, the "inferityority"
complex with the smoking,

I think, is what did it.
Sure, you're short,

but don't take it out on me.
Wait a second!

Wait a second.

I can be tough and rough too.
Don't go with scaring me.

I can scare a little too.

Ooh!

Wait! Wait. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

I don't need this.
With pain, with hurting,

with killing and hurts.

Don't-- I don't need
this at all!

I shouldn't have volunteered
in the first place...

No! Oh, no!

Judo. Oh, that's good.
Oh! That's very...

Oh, that's good judo.

He's got me now!

But try one of these!
I got him. I got him!

Try and get out of this.

He's a little heavy,
but I think I got him.

Look at this,
he'll never get-- Ooh.

Wait a second, I don't
wanna do nothing no more.

Don't fight with me.

Pick somebody else.
Don't do nothing,
it's not gonna-- Ooh!

I think I'm immune already,
you see, because you hit--

It's nothing, you see,
I think you can hit me-- I--

Ooh!

Oooh! Unh! Oh! Ooh!

Are you serious? No, I'm only kidding.

Okay? Oh, yeah.

You feel better now? Oh, that's fine.

All right? Yeah, that's much better.

Mike?Here. Here.

Oh. Wow, he was
a fat one, wasn't he?

Yeah, he was.

You shouldn't
do things like that.

Boy, you can get
yourself killed that way.

Well, I had to do it, Mike.

I knew I was goofing
in some of my classes and...

Well, I had to do it.

I didn't want those other guys
to think I was scared.

Don't worry about
the other guys!

You're doing fine.
Now, just keep it up.

Am I really? Yeah!

I gotta go.

There's my class
for principles
of local government.

So I'll see you later, Mike. Yeah, all right,
boy. Goodbye.

Hi, Johnny.

Hello, Mike.
Wasn't that Pythias?

Yeah.

Say, how's he doing, huh?

Fair. We might have
to wash him out.

Oh, no, Johnny.

Look, Johnny, you
gotta do me a favor.

He's gotta get
every possible break.

Mike, we all know how you
feel about the kid, but--

Please, Johnny!
If it's humanly possible,

we've gotta
get him through.

If he isn't police officer
material, Mike, he'll fail.

We can't show any favoritism,
you know that. Yeah.

Now, the next phase
of training should
make or break him.

Starting tomorrow night,
he goes
on actual police patrol

with a proven
police officer.

If he gets by that,
he should make it.

Yeah. Thanks.

Have something to eat, Mike.
It's delicious.

Oh, I'm not
very hungry, thanks.

Sidney trouble?

Mm-hm.

Oh, Mike, I hate to seem
impatient with you,

but you must admit a girl
can get quite bored

with having her evenings
spoiled by the ghost
of Sidney Pythias.

Oh, please,
Martha,

please don't start
that again, now, will you?

I'm afraid I have
to start it again.

Unfortunately,
I'm an important part
of this whole situation.

I like you, Mike.
Very much.

I think you like me. You know I do.

And I've got enough ego
to wish I were

just as important
in your thoughts as Sidney.

Am I, Mike?

What are you trying
to do, Martha?

Box me
into a corner?

You know how much
that kid means to me.

Yes, I do. Now I wanna know
how much I mean to you.

Oh.

Okay. I'm not gonna
play games with you.

I like you very much.

I like you more than
any other woman
I've ever known.

But I think we better get
something
understood right now.

You take me,
you take the kid.

And that's
only the beginning.

There'll always be other
Sidneys, hundreds of them.

Kids that need help.

They'll always be an
important part of my life.

I see. I'm sort of third
in this league.

No, I didn't say that-- You don't think you did,

but to me it's spelled
out quite plainly.

Third place,
barely in the money.

I'm sorry, Mike,
but I've got to be a winner.

Or at least share
first position.

Mike? Yeah?

I wanted you
to call me back.

Would you also want me
to lie to you?

No.

No, I wouldn't.

Yeah.

Oh, hello, Mike.
This is me, Sidney.

Listen, Mike...
Oh, excuse me,

I know that you're over there
with Martha.

But I'm just working here
on my examinations

and I'm not doing so good.
Maybe you could help me?

Sure, sure, sure, kid,
come right on over.

Oh, I can come over?
Oh, well, thanks a lot.

You're sure Martha
won't care? No, Sidney.

Oh, okay. All right,
I'll be right over, Mike.

Thank you very much.
Goodbye.

Where you going, Sidney?

I'm going somewhere.

Hey, I said,
I have to go somewhere.

You're sure busy lately,
ain't you, kid?

What with police
school and stuff.

Forgetting all about your
old friends, huh, Sidney?

What's this all about?
What do you guys want?

We don't want nothing, Sidney.

We're just trying
to be sociable.

Thought we'd stop by
and see how you're doing
at the police academy.

Gonna be a cop,
huh, Sidney?

Yeah, I'm gonna be a cop.
If they'll have me.

Oh, man, what
a snap it's gonna be

for guys like us
if they load the force

with goofs like you. Now, wait a minute--

You're really going ahead
with this thing, huh, kid?

Yes, I'm going ahead
with it.

You gotta be nuts.

What's the matter with you,
you wanna be legit?

Yeah, I wanna be legit.
What's so strange about that?

Don't you know
every cop's a sucker?

He's a chump, man.

He don't make enough loot
to keep him in cigarettes.

And he's a patsy,
a 14-karat patsy
for every sharpie in town.

Oh, is that so? Yeah.

Well, let me tel l you
something, Mr. Smart-Aleck.

A police officer happens
to have the respect
of decent people,

which eliminates you
and your friends, Monk.

Let him alone!

Come on, Art.
Let him alone.Why?

Get out of here!

Maybe I got you
figured all wrong, huh?

What I mean is,
maybe you're smarter than
I figured you were.

How do you mean?

The angle.

What angle? Well, yours.

You gotta have one.

Look, Sidney, nobody,
I mean nobody,

does nothing
without an angle.

If you got something taped,
let me in on it,

maybe I can make
it easier for you.

You're crazy, Monk.I'm what?

You're nutty. You gotta
be a little nutty.

Because you figure
that the whole world...

The whole world
is built sideways

and that everybody's
looking to put a finger
on everybody else.

And that don't add up, huh? No, that don't add up, Monk.

All right, fat mouth,
why don't you show me
where I'm wrong.

Maybe you're
the perfect example, huh?

A janitor making
60 stinking bucks a month

to wrestle garbage
people throw at you.

The same people
that laugh at you,

spit at you,
tab you as an idiot!

You're a fine one
to tell me that

there's a shining light
somewhere!

Yeah? Well, I'm gonna--

You're gonna nothing.
You're gonna wind up
just like me,

kicking and scratching
every inch of the way!

Look, Sidney, wise up.

There ain't no shortcuts.
Man, you gotta draw blood!

Well, you're wrong, Monk.

You're all wrong, see?

Because nobody's
gotta get hurt.

See, I used to be
like you, Monk,

and I got lucky.

See, because I found out
I was wrong.

That nobody's looking
to break your back.

There's an awful lot of nice
people in this world, Monk,

and I just wanna be
one of them.

Yeah.

Well, you listen
to me, Sidney,

and you listen hard.

You ain't got
a chance.

Because guys like you
and me are born losers

and we gotta
come up empty.

There ain't
no other way.

But I got a clue
for you.

Before I go under,

I'm gonna make
a lot of noise.

Monk. Monk, why didn't you
let me belt that jerk?

I mean, what'd you
stop me for? I got confused.

Confused? Yeah.

He made sense.

Let's get out of here.

Now, this phase
in your training

is probably
the most important one.

It's a chance for you
to prove how you'll function

under typical circumstances
as a police officer.

Now, each one of you cadets
will be paired off

with a tried
police officer,

who will judge you
on your performance

during this trial period.

You've now had 12 full weeks
of police training,

but should
an emergency arise,

you're to make
no decisions on your own.

But you're to look to him
for whatever solution
is necessary.

And remember this,
you're under arms.

Now, don't touch that
gun unless you intend
to shoot somebody.

And if you do, you'd better
have a sound reason.

Dismissed.

Well, Mike,
I'm all excited.

I wonder what part
of town we'll get.

Well, it'll look
familiar to you, kid.

It's your neighborhood.

My...?

Good evening, sir. Hello, officer.

Hi, officer. Good evening, ma'am.

Ooh.

Nice night. Get out of here!

It happens.

It is a nice evening,
though, isn't it?

Yeah, it's nice and quiet. Don't knock it, boy.

Every day without
trouble is a plus.

I know that, Mike,
but I was kind of
looking forward

to a little action tonight.

Yeah? WOMAN: Komm, schnell!

Officer, komm schnell! Was ist?

All right. Come on, Sidney,
we'd better go.

Why, she's gonna
have a baby!

Why don't you take her
to the hospital.

Mama, shh.
Mama, shh, shh, shh.

Where's the telephone?
I'll call the ambulance,

take her to the hospital.
The telephone!

Komm rein.
Ich werd's zeigen.

Where you going?
You stay here!

Me?! Yeah, you!

Wait a minute.
What if the baby...?

Relax. She's got
plenty of time.

Now, don't worry
about it, huh?

Lady, don't
do nothing.

I mean, ma'am, they went
to get a hospital

to come here to take you
to the ambulance, you see.

So, uh, relax.

Well, just
take it easy, ma'am.

What's...?
Don't do nothing now.

Just... Could you wait
just a few minutes?

How long does it take
to make a phone call, lady?

You see, because...

What is it?

Oh, wait, please.
Just do me a favor,
would you?

Personal.
Wait, because...

They'll be right back.Noo!

Take your mind off it
for a second, lady.

Maybe if you just
took your mind off it,
you'll feel better.

Like I play baseball.
You like baseball?

Once, I was
playing baseball...

Just listen to this.

Oh, please wait!
They'll be back--
It'll only--

Oh, lady. Lady, wait!

Please, lady, wait!
I'm highly emotional.

Ooh! Wait!

What's the matter
with you guys?

Does it take an hour
to get here?

Come on, come on.

Here, boys.
Ma'am, is--?

Sidney, wha--?

Oh. Oh. Look, Mike,
it's a boy baby!

And she wants
to name him Sidney!

Ain't that nice?

It sure is.

It sure is.

POLICE RADIO:
Car 119. Car 119.

Go to 16th Street alley
entrance. Illegal entry.

Isn't that us?That's us, boy.

Here's the action
you asked for.

May be real trouble
this time, huh, Mike?

Yeah, it could be, kid.

Aah!

Easy, boy, easy!

It's only
a flesh wound.

Now, who in the devil
shot him?
That wasn't necessary.

You didn't have
to shoot me.

You didn't
have to shoot me. Take it easy, son.

Call an ambulance.

Let me have your gun.
Yes, sir.

Yours.

All right, Carl.
Let me see yours.

Well, where is it?
I don't know, sir.

I had--

That it? Yes, sir.

You've got some explaining
to do, young fella.

Now, wait a minute,
sergeant.He did it, sarge.

He shot me, I saw him!

That ain't true.
You're lying, Artie!

I ain't lying!
You shot me, copper!

I didn't, Mike. I didn't.
He's lying.

Honest.

I didn't do it.

He assigned to you? Yes, sir.

Okay. Take him to
Captain Riley's office.

Carl, stay with this boy
till the ambulance comes.

You, come with me.

Artie, Artie, tell them
I didn't shoot you.

Yes, you did.
You shot me, copper.

You're lying, Artie. I ain't lying.

Artie, you're lying.I ain't lying. You shot me!

Sidney...

You're a loser, Sidney!

Hello, Mike. Yeah.

I heard about Sidney.

You should feel
real good.

He's in trouble.
Bad trouble. I feel just delighted, Mike.

So much so I came
here to volunteer

my services
as his attorney.

I'm sorry.

All I want from you,
Officer Damon,

are the facts on what
happened last night.

Okay.

Fact number one,
it was an accident.

Yes. Fact number two...

I can't let that kid
ruin his life.

But if he shot the boy... He didn't. I did.

You? Yeah.

The boys were involved
in a heist.

They were coming
down the stairs,
we came in the alley.

We met in the--

You're not listening. No, because you're lying.

You're a liar, Mike Damon.
A wonderfully loyal liar.

Captain Riley, sir,
what happened?

Well, the boy signed
a statement
identifying Sidney.

We're going to
have to book him.

Captain Riley...

Look, captain, sir,
Sidney did not
shoot that boy.

That's what Sidney says,
that's what you say.

Okay, I'll play along.
Who did?

Nobody did.

I saw his gun fall out
of his holster,

and I ran over
and picked it up.

You ain't gonna
buy this,

but all I wanted
to do was steal it.

It's worth about 20 bucks,
you know?

Anyway, some guy belted me
and the gun flew
out of my hand

and landed on the street.

Went off and that's
how Artie got hit.

Now, don't ask me
why I came here.

I ain't bright enough
to answer that.

Except...

Just because I'm a stupe,
that ain't no reason

for Sidney not to climb out
of the garbage I'm buried in.

He didn't shoot him.

RILEY: Well, Artie said--Artie's lying.

Give me 30 seconds with him
and I'll prove it to you.

Gee, thanks
a lot, Monk.

Don't thank me.

Captain,
any time you're ready,

I'll have a little
talk with Artie

and sign a statement, huh?Fine, Monk.

Oh, Captain Riley, sir.

Captain, I was wondering about
Sidney's progress report.

This incident won't have
any effect on it, will it?

Are you asking me
if I'm recommending
his appointment

as a police officer? Yes, sir.

Yes, I'm
recommending him!

I think you'll make
a fine officer.

Thank you,
Captain Riley, sir!

Congratulations, boy! Thank you, Mike.

And thank you very much
for all your help.

It was my pleasure.

Well, I better
go call Patricia.

She's anxiously waiting. Yeah.

Thank you, Miss Henshaw.
Thank you very much.

I know why you came down
and I appreciate it.

You're welcome, Sidney,
and good luck.

Thank you, Miss Henshaw.

Oh, uh...

Mike, uh...

Monk's not gonna be
in big trouble, is he?

No, no, Sidney.
I think everything
will be all right.

Oh, good!
Okay. Goodbye.

Goodbye, Sidney.

Is that a boy?

Is that a boy.

Oh, Sidney,
you look wonderful.

Tall and handsome and...

Respected? Respected.

I'm so proud of you. Thank you.

Well, I have to go to work.
Would you sit here?

Yes, sir. Right here.

Well, gentlemen,

I suppose you're wondering
why I've asked you here.

Well, uh...

let's put it this way.

Your problems...

are my problems.

Artie,

tell me something
about yourself.

What are you, and...

...what do you wanna be?