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1
00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:05,004
♪ Upbeat theme playing ♪
2
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,925
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
3
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,513
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪
4
00:00:14,391 --> 00:00:15,640
♪
5
00:00:15,665 --> 00:00:16,867
Hi.
6
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:19,645
I'm Nick. I think I'm your dad.
7
00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:23,314
What? How did...
8
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I have a camera outside my shop.
9
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:27,652
♪
10
00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:29,403
Greetings, sir.
11
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It's me, your long-lost daughter... Ah!
12
00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:34,617
What up, Nick?
13
00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:36,828
Who's my daddy? You're my daddy.
14
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A little bit about me. I...
15
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,500
have a great life! Lot of good friends.
16
00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:45,670
We get drinks at this place called
Pemberton's, like, every night.
17
00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:47,422
But not, like, in a problematic way.
18
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:52,219
So, how am I your dad exactly?
19
00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:55,848
[sighs] My mom is Lori Tompkins.
20
00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:58,891
You guys met at Lollapalooza '91
21
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,304
and conceived me to Jane Says.
22
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:04,439
No judgment.
I have sex to weird songs, too.
23
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:07,567
- You're my dad. I don't have sex.
- VALENTINA: What?
24
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,360
Wait. I'm 30. I do.
25
00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:11,321
Anyway, surprise!
26
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Wow.
27
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,535
You're my daughter.
28
00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:19,413
With Lollapalooza Lori.
29
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[awkward laugh]
I'm sorry to spring this on you.
30
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Oh. No, don't be.
31
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,669
I never had a daughter before.
32
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Or a son.
33
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I had a cat once. That's different.
34
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I think. Wouldn't really know.
35
00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:35,761
Um...
36
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,013
Wanna get a drink or something?
37
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I'd love that.
38
00:01:40,904 --> 00:01:42,853
I'll get you a beer, Mr. Sophie.
39
00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:47,231
I have a better idea. Why don't I, uh,
40
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,775
come to your shop tomorrow,
and we can have lunch?
41
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Great. Great.
42
00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:54,906
But, no family discount. You can
thank your step-grandma for that.
43
00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:57,784
I caught her reselling chili dogs
at her old age home, so.
44
00:02:01,205 --> 00:02:04,665
♪
45
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,168
Hey, man.
46
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:09,963
Hey...
47
00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:11,548
What's up?
48
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:15,469
Not... much...
49
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:17,887
SOPHIE'S SON: Why are they being weird?
50
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:20,932
It's just Bro Speak. I'll translate.
51
00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:22,427
Whatcha got going on tonight?
52
00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:24,703
_
53
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:27,689
Not much. Just... the usual.
54
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:30,834
_
55
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,813
I was gonna go check out that new bar on
56
00:02:32,825 --> 00:02:34,911
Mercer Street, if you wanna tag along.
57
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:37,379
_
58
00:02:37,404 --> 00:02:39,760
_
59
00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:41,074
Sure.
60
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:48,459
Hey, friends!
61
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:51,170
Great news. [drumming]
62
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,673
Swish is cheating on me!
63
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,050
Uh, congrats?
64
00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:58,678
This is exactly what I was
hoping would happen!
65
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,973
He'd lose interest, meet someone new,
and dump my ass.
66
00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:04,058
How do you know he's cheating on you?
67
00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:05,091
♪
68
00:03:05,116 --> 00:03:06,954
Um, hey, babe, I-I gotta get going. Um,
69
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:09,606
my study group needs me for... finals.
70
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,651
Your study group is named Ally?
71
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,279
Um, yep! It stands for...
72
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:20,075
Americans Learning Linguistics... Yummy?
73
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,618
♪
74
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:25,724
Well, I am gonna miss being blinded
by his grandmother's rock, though.
75
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:30,127
Oh, I know just how we can celebrate
your engagement's imminent demise.
76
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,044
A fancy open house!
77
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,547
[Valentina gasps]
78
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:37,091
- Oh, we have to go to this.
- Mm-hmm!
79
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:40,052
Three floors. Walk-in wine fridge?!
80
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:43,264
And a servant's quarters!
These people are so fancy,
81
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,224
they don't even know
you can't say servant anymore.
82
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:48,060
♪
83
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,563
- [quiet bar chatter]
- What can I get you guys?
84
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,899
Two gin martinis with a twist, please.
85
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,067
Oh. And where are we from?
86
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,529
- Well, London...
- Originally Cincinnati.
87
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:02,533
- Did I hear you say you're from London?
- Uh, yes, I am.
88
00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:04,535
I'm Charlie. This is my friend Jesse.
89
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,704
He is from Cincinnati. [women giggling]
90
00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:10,083
Which is the London of Ohio! [laughs]
91
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,169
[giggles] Can you say Cincinnati again?
92
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:15,087
It sounds so elegant when you say it.
93
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,339
Cincinnati.
94
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,590
[giggling]
95
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,509
You know, I call soda "pop."
96
00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:21,678
If that does anything... for you.
97
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,764
♪
98
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,474
Hey. How'd it go with your dad?
99
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:27,726
Mm...
100
00:04:28,644 --> 00:04:30,186
It started off kinda awkward.
101
00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:33,481
Okay. Favorite movie on three. One! Two!
102
00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:34,942
Christmas with the Kranks!
103
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:36,943
[laughs]
104
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,446
I'm sorry.
I-I don't really watch movies.
105
00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,074
Have you ever seen Jay Leno's Garage?
106
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:43,699
♪
107
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,159
- Hm?
- Oh.
108
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,911
They say it's genetic!
109
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You try.
110
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:50,916
[exhales]
111
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,127
Nope. Can't do it.
112
00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:57,756
♪
113
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,800
Sophie... [sighs]
114
00:05:00,843 --> 00:05:04,136
You can't expect to bond with your dad
after just one day.
115
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:07,473
It took me, like, 30 years for
me and my dad to find our thing,
116
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:08,850
which we did last May.
117
00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:10,602
We both hate wind chimes.
118
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You love wind chimes.
119
00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:15,649
Please don't tell my dad.
It's all we have.
120
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,360
Actually, um,
121
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I did figure out one way for us to bond.
122
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:23,740
That's delicious.
123
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How is this place not packed?
124
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Um, business has been a little slow
125
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since they closed the bar
across the street.
126
00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:34,052
We used to do huge numbers late nights.
127
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,170
What can I say? Drunks love dogs.
128
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Okay.
129
00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:41,465
So, if the drunks
won't come to the dogs,
130
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:44,427
then we need to bring
the dogs to the drunks.
131
00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:46,387
We're doing a pop-up here!
132
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:50,100
Now, you say "yes." And I say, "yay!"
And then, we hug.
133
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,395
You wanna just skip to the hug?
134
00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:56,064
♪
135
00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:01,485
There you are!
136
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,613
Thanks for leaving me alone
with the giggle squad.
137
00:06:03,614 --> 00:06:06,616
They made me record a voice memo
as sexy Paddington bear.
138
00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:08,618
- What a dumb idea.
- Yeah, you're telling me.
139
00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:09,744
Paddington isn't sexy.
140
00:06:09,745 --> 00:06:11,579
I mean, he's snuggly and sensual,
maybe, but he...
141
00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:13,215
No! I mean me trying to meet women with
142
00:06:13,227 --> 00:06:14,749
you and your stupid charming accent.
143
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:15,776
It's like I'm invisible.
144
00:06:15,788 --> 00:06:17,543
Trust me, Jesse, this accent is a curse.
145
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,086
- Ugh.
- It's all people see.
146
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,464
I'm just some British thing
for women to play with,
147
00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:22,840
like a-a statue of Big Ben
148
00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:25,009
or a tea towel
with Duchess Kate's face on it.
149
00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,720
What is a tea towel?
150
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:28,930
I hate this country.
151
00:06:28,931 --> 00:06:30,181
Look, hey, here's a thought.
152
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:32,475
How about I be British
and you be American. Okay?
153
00:06:32,476 --> 00:06:34,560
Women will all flock to me,
and you can be the guy
154
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,188
pretending to do something on his phone.
155
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:37,688
That's brilliant.
156
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,451
[as Michael Caine]: I think you'll find
157
00:06:39,463 --> 00:06:41,193
that my accent's top-notch, old sport.
158
00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:44,695
Are you doing Michael Caine?
You're a young man, Jesse!
159
00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:47,324
[more realistic accent]:
Right you are, bruv. Fancy another gin?
160
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,549
[American accent]: Not bad, my main man.
161
00:06:49,561 --> 00:06:50,661
Not bad yourself, mate.
162
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,370
- Hi.
- Hello.
163
00:06:52,371 --> 00:06:54,581
I'm Angelina. This is my friend Julia.
164
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:58,543
I love your accent. Where are you from?
[Jesse laughs]
165
00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:00,294
Who, me? Well, I-I'm...
166
00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:01,386
from...
167
00:07:01,411 --> 00:07:03,162
the town in Love, Actually.
168
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,466
So, London?
169
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:06,717
Oh, blimey! You've heard of it!
170
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,261
[laughter]
171
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,429
- So, what do you do?
- Uh...
172
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:14,393
I am a bartender.
Yeah. Uh, an American bartender.
173
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:18,021
♪
174
00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:21,858
Only 5,000 square feet?
175
00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:23,734
It's a bit tight, no?
176
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:25,987
Oh, it is. At this size,
177
00:07:25,988 --> 00:07:28,739
I'd run the risk
of actually seeing my children.
178
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:31,617
[haughty laughter]
179
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,620
BOTH: Oh...
180
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,375
[gasps]
181
00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:40,878
Oh, my God.
182
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,547
[whispers]:
This is Missy Moritz's apartment!
183
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:47,008
The legendary socialite
who's known for wearing amazing hats.
184
00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:49,188
She invented shapewear for dogs.
185
00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:51,512
She wrote that song Ass So Rich.
186
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:52,680
Oh!
187
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,432
♪ Whose ass so rich? ♪
188
00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:56,184
♪ This ass so rich ♪
189
00:07:56,185 --> 00:07:57,393
God, I love that song.
190
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,978
[laughs] You don't expect the bridge
191
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,980
- to make you cry, but it does.
- I know.
192
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,274
Val, should we go try on her hats?
193
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,795
Or do you think our heads are too big?
194
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:08,488
- I brought Vaseline.
- [laughs] You always come prepared!
195
00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:10,990
BOTH: ♪ Whose ass so rich? ♪
196
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,326
♪ This ass so rich, oh! ♪
197
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,036
Wow.
198
00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,370
This place is packed.
199
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,414
It's like Toad the Wet Sprocket
is playing or something.
200
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:20,625
I know! I went into Google Maps,
201
00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:23,086
and I set us as an ATM location.
[Sid laughs]
202
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:25,421
Well, hot dog.
203
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:28,090
Oh. I think that was
your first dad joke.
204
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:29,884
More where that came from, kid.
205
00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:31,136
Oh.
206
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:33,972
He called me kid!
207
00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:40,436
Put on some trousers and say,
"Thank you, Charlie."
208
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:43,606
Julia and Angelina are coming
over here for cocktails.
209
00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:45,233
Wait, really? Yes!
210
00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:48,236
Oh, man. I'm really into Angie.
She's a teacher. I'm a teacher.
211
00:08:48,237 --> 00:08:49,996
We both turn our chairs around backwards
212
00:08:50,008 --> 00:08:51,822
when it's time to
get real with the kids.
213
00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:53,407
Julie's fantastic.
214
00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:54,951
I could really see myself dating her.
215
00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:58,361
Same! But we're locked
into these stupid accents.
216
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,540
[with accent]:
It's a bit of a pickle, innit?
217
00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:01,714
[with accent]: Right. We're gonna
218
00:09:01,726 --> 00:09:03,084
have to figure out how to switch back.
219
00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:05,087
I mean, I can't be
a Yankee Doodle forever.
220
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:06,963
[no accent]: Oh, my God.
221
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:09,549
What if I have to choose between
my voice and my one true love?
222
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:10,925
Am I the Little Mermaid?
223
00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:12,844
♪
224
00:09:12,845 --> 00:09:15,930
[gasps] This is the hat
Missy wore to meet
225
00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:17,850
Bo Obama!
226
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,394
Excuse me!
227
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:23,145
This room is off-limits!
228
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,981
Which, coincidentally, is the name of
229
00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,984
my new single featuring Tyga.
Tell your friends.
230
00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:29,694
Oh, my God.
231
00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:31,737
Oh, my God, you are Missy Moritz!
232
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,906
Oh wow,
you're even more fabulous in real life.
233
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,616
Aw, I know.
234
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:36,993
It's actually a problem.
235
00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:40,581
It's so hard to translate this
through a camera.
236
00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:43,249
Anyway, thanks. Kisses. Bye!
237
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,250
- We're such huge fans!
- Ah!
238
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,294
Both of you, get out! Okay?
239
00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:47,587
I will call security,
240
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:50,548
and they are not afraid to hit women
because they are women.
241
00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:52,842
- [gasps] Love it.
- Change starts from the top down.
242
00:09:52,843 --> 00:09:55,178
- Get out!
- ELLEN: Oh, she's yelling at us!
243
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:57,180
♪
244
00:09:57,181 --> 00:09:58,806
♪ For goodness sake ♪
245
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:02,018
♪ Hippy Hippy Shake by Chan Romero ♪
246
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:03,644
- Two dogs!
- Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
247
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:05,021
♪ Woo! ♪
248
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,397
- And here's some mustard!
- Oh!
249
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:09,609
- Boom! Boom! And boom!
- Yeah!
250
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,277
- This goes... Heyo!
- Ha!
251
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:12,862
Oh!
252
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:14,615
- Brats.
- 'Kraut.
253
00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:17,783
- Woo! Yes! Ow!
- Boom!
254
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,327
SOPHIE'S SON:
This is making me want a hot dog.
255
00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:21,330
It's making me want another.
256
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:29,295
- Tonight was so fun. [giggles]
- So fun.
257
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,797
I really relished doing this with you.
258
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,009
Oh. Are you my dad?
259
00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:37,595
You know, this pop-up
doesn't have to be a one-off.
260
00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:40,015
We could expand to other bars.
It could be our thing.
261
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,558
I mean, it's a family business, right?
262
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,894
Right. Except for your step-grandma.
263
00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:46,896
She opened a Wienerschnitzel
franchise down the street,
264
00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,315
and now, she's dead to me.
265
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,692
Wow. She sounds like a real pistol.
266
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,695
No, she carries a real pistol.
267
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:56,697
God.
268
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:59,075
We look good in other people's clothes.
269
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,576
I know. Mm!
270
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:03,789
I can still feel Missy's
baby snake leather gloves on my...
271
00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:06,582
Oh, no.
272
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,961
Swish's grandma's ring. It's gone!
273
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:14,048
Shit! I bet it fell off
when we were trying on Missy's stuff!
274
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,634
Okay, so you lost the ring.
We could get a fake!
275
00:11:16,635 --> 00:11:19,303
I know a gal. These earrings? Fake.
276
00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,847
This ring? Fake.
277
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,932
This anklet? Nonexistent.
278
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:25,142
Because who the F would wear an anklet?
279
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,520
I can't give Swish back a fake ring!
280
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,021
Come on. We-We gotta go back to Missy's.
281
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,107
We can't go back! We were thrown out!
282
00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:34,151
Ellen, well-behaved women
rarely make history.
283
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:36,154
Ugh. You sound like Jesse.
284
00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:39,699
I've always wanted to be
a part of a couple
285
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,618
known for their dinner parties
like Ina Garten and Jeff...
286
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:43,995
[with accent]: And Jeffrey!
[all agreeing]
287
00:11:43,996 --> 00:11:45,716
[with accent]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that bloke.
288
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:47,832
[ringtone plays]
289
00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:48,876
'Scuse me, love.
290
00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:51,460
'Ello?
291
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,612
What?!
292
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,214
[no accent]:
Well, that is devastating news.
293
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,883
What happened to his voice?
294
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:59,343
[sighs] Charlie, we can stop
practicing our accents.
295
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:00,761
They've canceled the play.
296
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,930
[no accent]:
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
297
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:04,599
Uh, w-what is happening?
298
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,809
So sorry we couldn't explain before,
299
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,228
but, uh, these are our true accents.
300
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,063
You see, we are actors.
301
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,774
Method actors. And we were
just using those other accents
302
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:15,443
to prepare for an upcoming play.
303
00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:17,987
But, uh, now the play's canceled,
so back to normal.
304
00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:19,614
- [Charlie and Jesse sigh]
- Oh.
305
00:12:19,615 --> 00:12:22,033
- Okay. Crazy.
- Totally.
306
00:12:22,034 --> 00:12:23,951
So, what was the play?
307
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,620
It was a...
308
00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:27,747
- A Tale of Two...
- Two Guys?
309
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,832
Yeah! Comedy, but dark.
310
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,834
Also, there are puppets. [laughs]
311
00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:33,169
This sounds amazing. [gasps]
312
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:34,587
You guys have to do a scene for us.
313
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,547
- Oh, my God, yeah, we'd love to.
- But we can't!
314
00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:40,009
- No, we can't...
- Because we need... the puppets.
315
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,970
They're just essential
to the inner lives...
316
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,222
- Would these work?
- Oh, my God.
317
00:12:44,223 --> 00:12:45,431
I use them with the kids at school.
318
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,934
Great. These are... industry standard.
319
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,018
♪
320
00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:51,437
[gasps] We did it!
321
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,980
We sold out!
322
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:55,358
Having a business is so easy.
323
00:12:55,359 --> 00:12:57,109
Sounds about white.
324
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,112
Uh, Sid, you just said white instead...
325
00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:01,865
I get it.
326
00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:05,368
♪
327
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:06,869
Hey!
328
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,955
You thought you could
move dogs on the west side
329
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:10,289
and I wouldn't find out about it?
330
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,417
Gio. I didn't know
this was your territory, I swear.
331
00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:14,585
You didn't know?
332
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,546
[laughs] This guy!
333
00:13:16,547 --> 00:13:18,005
This guy didn't know!
334
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,465
Hey!
335
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:22,760
You can't just come in here and laugh
to no one about my dad.
336
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:25,054
Sophie, shh. Yes, he can.
337
00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:27,473
This is Gio Kawalski,
the Polish Hot Dog King.
338
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,850
We're on his turf.
339
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:31,310
Well, lucky for you,
I'm in a forgiving mood.
340
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,939
But forgiveness has a price.
341
00:13:34,815 --> 00:13:36,691
Great. I do one nice thing for a friend,
342
00:13:36,692 --> 00:13:38,359
now I'm gonna get whacked.
343
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:39,695
♪
344
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:45,700
Okay, who is the Polish Hot Dog King,
345
00:13:45,701 --> 00:13:47,326
and why do we have to listen to him?
346
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,329
Wha... We're not even Polish!
347
00:13:50,706 --> 00:13:51,748
Are we?
348
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,708
Have a seat, kid.
349
00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:56,377
Guess it's time
for a little history lesson.
350
00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,713
[Sophie scoffs] See,
351
00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:01,549
back in the day,
slinging dogs was a messy business.
352
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:04,427
Every sausage maker in the city
was in the streets.
353
00:14:04,428 --> 00:14:05,845
It was open warfare.
354
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,805
Carts knocked over, buns torched,
355
00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,265
ketchup in the gutters.
356
00:14:09,266 --> 00:14:11,100
Sounds...
357
00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:14,270
- wasteful?
- Oh, it was. Dangerous, too.
358
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,272
They don't call it "street food"
for nothing.
359
00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:18,524
So the Five Hot Dog Families
had a sitdown.
360
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,611
They divided the city into territories.
361
00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:24,447
And we crossed into Gio's territory.
362
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:26,240
That's right. But don't worry.
363
00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,576
I just have to give Gio
a taste of our action
364
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,453
to smooth things over. But,
365
00:14:30,454 --> 00:14:33,495
sadly, our pop-up days are done.
366
00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:36,668
Oh, and yeah. We're half Polish.
367
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,714
Explains my love of pierogies.
368
00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:46,344
Okay! It's morning in New York City.
369
00:14:46,345 --> 00:14:47,929
The date?
370
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:50,306
September 11th, two thousand and...
371
00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:53,476
- Why would you choose that date?
- Just 2000! Just 2000!
372
00:14:53,477 --> 00:14:55,228
Ha, ha! All is well!
373
00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:57,939
Two... businessmen...
374
00:14:57,940 --> 00:14:59,982
board a subway train.
375
00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:02,276
[with accent]:
Crikey, I love riding the tube!
376
00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:04,863
[with accent]:
And I love taking the subway!
377
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,615
W-What are you doing
one year from today?
378
00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:09,825
- [no accent]: What is wrong with you?
- [no accent]: I don't know!
379
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:10,993
Oh, my God, I can't do this!
380
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:13,956
Jesse and I swapped accents
last night to meet women.
381
00:15:14,790 --> 00:15:16,203
But we weren't expecting to meet
382
00:15:16,215 --> 00:15:18,085
anyone that we liked as much as you two.
383
00:15:19,503 --> 00:15:20,921
Do you hate us?
384
00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:24,090
No. Actually,
385
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:25,675
- it's kind of a funny story.
- Yeah.
386
00:15:25,676 --> 00:15:28,135
When we met, we were in
the middle of a scavenger hunt
387
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,138
for a bachelorette party.
388
00:15:30,681 --> 00:15:32,598
My bachelorette party.
389
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,350
What?! You're engaged?
390
00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:37,895
Number 17 on our list was
"pick up a British guy."
391
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:40,439
We didn't actually think
we'd ever see you guys again, but...
392
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,067
Well, then,
Julia really liked Charlie, so...
393
00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:45,779
Do you... still like Charlie?
394
00:15:46,822 --> 00:15:47,823
I do.
395
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,157
[women laugh softly]
396
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:53,035
Julia, I think I was very clear
397
00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:55,454
in my detailed bridesmaid's instructions
398
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,707
that no one was to say "I do"
399
00:15:57,708 --> 00:15:59,667
in the month leading up to my wedding!
400
00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:01,377
[weak laugh]
Well, Angelina, you know what?
401
00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,087
I think this actually
worked out for the best.
402
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:05,090
Congrats to you and the lucky fella.
403
00:16:09,831 --> 00:16:11,095
[sighs]
404
00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:13,557
You're not my butternut squash ravioli.
405
00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:18,102
Hey, aren't you the two I found
rummaging in my closet earlier?
406
00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:20,189
She remembers. [both squeal]
407
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:24,358
Yes! Your closet is a dream, by the way.
408
00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:28,112
I know. It was actually designed
from a dream I had about a closet.
409
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:29,906
Oh.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
410
00:16:29,907 --> 00:16:32,242
I-I left something behind. A ring.
411
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:35,620
Uh... No, I haven't seen it.
412
00:16:35,621 --> 00:16:36,871
Thanks. Kisses. Bye.
413
00:16:36,872 --> 00:16:39,708
Wait, wait, wait! On your...
On your finger. Th-That's my ring.
414
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:42,877
Uh, no, honey. This is my ring.
415
00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:46,423
And like I said, thanks. Kisses. Bye.
416
00:16:50,469 --> 00:16:52,428
Missy Moritz stole your ring!
417
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:55,139
- [both squeal]
- Wait, no, this is bad.
418
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:57,016
- Exciting, but bad!
- Mm.
419
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,809
- What do we do?
- Uh...
420
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:01,020
Maybe we can trade her something for it.
421
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:03,189
All my jewelry is fake, but...
422
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:05,399
this scrunchie once belonged
423
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,528
to Marcia Gay Harden.
424
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:09,863
We go to the same gym.
425
00:17:10,489 --> 00:17:13,492
♪
426
00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:17,537
Playtime is over.
There's something I got to do.
427
00:17:17,538 --> 00:17:20,916
Sophie, you know I hate
when you talk like Liam Neeson.
428
00:17:21,667 --> 00:17:24,460
I am going to confront
the Polish Hot Dog King
429
00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:26,605
and tell him to lay off of my dad.
430
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:28,173
That sounds really dangerous.
431
00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:30,967
Luckily,
432
00:17:30,968 --> 00:17:32,760
I've got a unique set of skills.
433
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:33,928
No, you don't!
434
00:17:33,929 --> 00:17:36,138
You have a less-than-regular
amount of skill! Soph.
435
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,599
Hey! I'm coming with you!
436
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,142
It's like you're trying
to get me murdered!
437
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:43,146
♪
438
00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:46,649
There. Eating halal on a stick.
439
00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:47,658
Ha!
440
00:17:47,683 --> 00:17:49,986
And he calls himself the Hot Dog King?
441
00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:53,030
Well, wait till he gets
a taste of Sophie.
442
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:55,367
Hey! Gio!
443
00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,498
Please don't take down my daddy.
444
00:18:03,542 --> 00:18:05,626
I'm sorry. [crying]
445
00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:08,129
I don't know where this is coming from!
446
00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:10,631
It's coming from your face.
Get it together.
447
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:12,258
[crying] GIO: Lady. Lady.
448
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,593
You gotta stop crying.
449
00:18:13,594 --> 00:18:16,012
Lady, stop crying. I'm not Gio Kawalski.
450
00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:17,013
What?
451
00:18:17,014 --> 00:18:21,203
I was pretending to be the Kawalski guy
for my Uncle Nick as a favor.
452
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:23,562
My name's Jake.
453
00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:27,524
[laughs] I'm your cousin. So...
454
00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:31,111
I have a cousin...
455
00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:34,071
[laughs]
456
00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:36,116
♪
457
00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:40,871
♪
458
00:18:42,456 --> 00:18:45,958
[sighs] You're not my replacement
butternut squash ravioli.
459
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,795
Nope. I just wanted to show you this.
460
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:53,216
A picture of you in a terrific closet
with terrible posture?
461
00:18:53,217 --> 00:18:55,051
No. [sighs]
462
00:18:55,052 --> 00:18:58,054
This. A can of red paint.
463
00:18:58,055 --> 00:18:59,765
Louboutin red.
464
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:03,435
Now, why would someone
have that in their closet?
465
00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:05,770
I have no idea what you're getting at.
466
00:19:05,771 --> 00:19:09,732
To paint the bottoms
of her janky-ass heels, that's why.
467
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:13,569
Why you're not buying red bottoms.
You're making red bottoms.
468
00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:15,279
[scoffs, stammers]
469
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,990
I've never even seen paint before.
470
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,868
Ooh, the gossip sites
are gonna love this.
471
00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:23,621
"Cheap Missy Moretz
makes her own knockoff Loubs!"
472
00:19:23,622 --> 00:19:25,665
No! It's not what you think, okay?
473
00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:28,251
I don't want to make fake Louboutins.
I have to.
474
00:19:28,252 --> 00:19:29,919
Because they don't make a size 13!
475
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,379
Oh! You're a size 13?!
476
00:19:31,380 --> 00:19:33,381
Shh! Yes! Okay?
477
00:19:33,382 --> 00:19:35,174
That's why I always wear
these amazing hats.
478
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:37,553
To draw the eye up!
479
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:39,137
[sighs]
480
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,389
How about a trade?
481
00:19:41,390 --> 00:19:43,809
Our silence for my ring back.
482
00:19:45,394 --> 00:19:46,812
And you'll delete that photo?
483
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:50,065
Done.
484
00:19:51,692 --> 00:19:53,109
Pleasure doing business, Missy.
485
00:19:53,110 --> 00:19:55,069
[sighs] I agree.
486
00:19:55,070 --> 00:19:56,504
You know, I haven't had this much fun
487
00:19:56,516 --> 00:19:58,780
since I got in a
fistfight with my nanny.
488
00:19:59,575 --> 00:20:02,118
Hey. I will give you guys each a hat
489
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:03,537
for a pint of your blood.
490
00:20:04,830 --> 00:20:07,206
No, no, it's not for anything weird.
Just, you know,
491
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,208
to keep myself looking young.
492
00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:10,835
- Just a pint.
- Uh, Val?
493
00:20:10,836 --> 00:20:12,546
You gotta stop giving away your blood.
494
00:20:15,132 --> 00:20:16,800
There she is. Where you been?
495
00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:19,845
Uh, meeting my cousin.
496
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:22,889
Damn it, Jake. [scoffs]
497
00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:24,765
I knew I should've gotten a real actor.
498
00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:27,227
Guy takes one improv class,
he thinks he's Brando.
499
00:20:28,103 --> 00:20:29,646
Okay, listen.
500
00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:33,316
I'm sorry.
I didn't know how to tell you that...
501
00:20:33,317 --> 00:20:35,985
this pop-up thing was really fun, but...
502
00:20:35,986 --> 00:20:38,487
I don't wanna shlep
into the city all the time.
503
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:39,948
I'm happy with my shop.
504
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:43,285
Got it.
505
00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:47,705
I guess I was just looking
for a reason for us to...
506
00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:51,501
keep getting to know each other
because we have nothing in common.
507
00:20:51,502 --> 00:20:54,754
And if we don't have a thing,
then maybe we're just going to
508
00:20:54,755 --> 00:20:56,297
drift out of each other's lives.
509
00:20:56,298 --> 00:20:57,799
Sophie.
510
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,637
We don't need a thing to be
in each other's lives.
511
00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,681
Listen. I got divorced young.
512
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:08,309
I don't date much
'cause I'm always at the shop.
513
00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:10,311
I was in a toxic on-and-off thing
514
00:21:10,312 --> 00:21:13,457
with my sauerkraut supplier.
You know Sharon DiMarco?
515
00:21:13,482 --> 00:21:15,692
Why would you? She's just another lady.
516
00:21:16,235 --> 00:21:17,736
The point is...
517
00:21:18,362 --> 00:21:19,987
I kinda thought it was too late for me
518
00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:23,367
when it came to the whole
"having a family" thing. But...
519
00:21:24,368 --> 00:21:27,871
you're a real game-changer, kid.
Best kind.
520
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,668
Why wouldn't you just tell me that
521
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,546
you didn't want to do another pop-up?
522
00:21:36,547 --> 00:21:37,798
Oh.
523
00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:39,841
I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
524
00:21:39,842 --> 00:21:41,343
[scoffs] What?
525
00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:45,388
What kind of a person
makes up such an elaborate lie
526
00:21:45,389 --> 00:21:47,891
just to avoid having
a tough conversation...
527
00:21:51,103 --> 00:21:52,604
Oh, my God.
528
00:21:53,438 --> 00:21:54,439
[scoffs]
529
00:21:54,898 --> 00:21:56,859
It's our first thing in common.
530
00:22:02,614 --> 00:22:06,118
♪
531
00:22:06,827 --> 00:22:09,161
[laughing] Last one of the night.
532
00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:10,664
I saved it for you.
533
00:22:11,331 --> 00:22:13,207
Thanks for letting me pop up.
534
00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:15,127
Thanks for not getting me murdered.
535
00:22:15,878 --> 00:22:18,422
- Any time.
- Yeah, you, too.
536
00:22:19,882 --> 00:22:22,425
Hey, babe. Uh, can we talk for a second?
537
00:22:22,426 --> 00:22:23,468
Oh, yeah.
538
00:22:24,011 --> 00:22:27,347
[quietly]:
Here we go. Goodbye, gorgeous.
539
00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:31,767
Um, Val. Hey, look, I-I know I've been
acting really weird lately,
540
00:22:31,768 --> 00:22:34,061
- but there's a reason...
- I know.
541
00:22:34,062 --> 00:22:35,438
And it's okay.
542
00:22:35,439 --> 00:22:37,566
If you have feelings
for this Ally person...
543
00:22:38,025 --> 00:22:39,525
Ally? [laughs]
544
00:22:39,526 --> 00:22:42,446
I-I don't have feelings for Ally.
She's my party planner.
545
00:22:43,113 --> 00:22:46,365
For our engagement party
that's happening next week! Surprise!
546
00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:48,701
[laughing]
547
00:22:48,702 --> 00:22:50,286
Am I getting married?
548
00:22:50,287 --> 00:22:51,454
What?
549
00:22:51,455 --> 00:22:53,289
We're getting married...
550
00:22:53,290 --> 00:22:54,582
We're getting married!
551
00:22:54,583 --> 00:22:55,583
[nervous laugh]
552
00:22:55,584 --> 00:22:57,377
♪
553
00:22:57,491 --> 00:23:01,491
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- www.addic7ed.com -
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