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♪ Everlasting Love by Love Affair ♪
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00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,602
♪ Open up your eyes ♪
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♪ Then, you'll realize ♪
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♪ Here I stand... ♪
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Mom? Mom? Mom! Mom!
6
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,318
Will you turn that thing off?
I don't know how much longer
7
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,362
I can watch you sensually dance
with a teddy bear!
8
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,364
Ooh, what's that, Teddy?
9
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,533
You think he should pay
for his own college?
10
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,035
Oh, good idea.
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00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:40,039
You know, your dad got me one of these
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00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,959
on our very first Valentine's Day
as a couple.
13
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,336
Even before he and I got together,
14
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:48,005
he had a soft spot for Valentine's Day.
15
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:50,801
I'm just saying,
Valentine's Day is the worst.
16
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,720
Wait, you're grumpy
about Valentine's Day?
17
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,430
What a total curveball!
18
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:58,766
Do you think it's a "Hallmark holiday"?
19
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,811
Yeah! I do. It's just an excuse for the
greeting card and chocolate companies...
20
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,604
Alright! Alright.
21
00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:05,356
Not exactly a hot take, man.
22
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:08,401
Yeah, next, you're gonna say that
TikTok is shortening our attention span.
23
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,570
It is! Our generation can't even focus...
24
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,865
I don't care what you think,
Love Grinch!
25
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:15,783
Hannah's en route to the city,
26
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:19,412
and we are gonna Valentine the crap
out of each other all night long.
27
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,289
I love Valentine's Day, too. Every year,
28
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,624
I spend it with
the hottest piece in the city.
29
00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,710
This little smoke show right here.
30
00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:27,503
Damn right, she does.
31
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,964
Valentine's Day is our day.
We call it...
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Svalentine's Day!
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00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:34,635
Sorry, isn't that what we all call it,
but with less spitting?
34
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,888
No! It's Svalentine's.
35
00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:40,266
Like Sophie and Valentina's
Valentine's Day.
36
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:41,976
Svalentine's.
37
00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:44,897
Is it a fresher take
if I hate Svalentine's Day?
38
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:48,150
I hate this stupid holiday.
39
00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:52,320
Hey, bud. What the hell is this?
40
00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:55,448
It's supposed to be
Rachel's Valentine's Day gift.
41
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,241
Because nothing says "I love you"
42
00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:59,744
like a romantic candlelight dinner
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00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:03,539
under a nude frozen likeness
of the woman you love.
44
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,666
But Rachel's aunt broke her hip,
so she went to Florida to help.
45
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:06,918
Oh, what a sweetheart.
46
00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:08,545
I know! She's extremely caring!
47
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,130
Sorry. Sorry.
48
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:14,133
I was really excited for our
first Valentine's Day together,
49
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,218
and now it's ruined.
50
00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:17,011
Does it make you feel better
to know that I've had
51
00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:20,681
a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad
Valentine's Day before, too?
52
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,934
Aw, sweetie, no.
53
00:02:22,935 --> 00:02:25,770
Why would hearing about your misfortune
make me feel any better?
54
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,188
Aw.
55
00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:29,470
Just kidding. It totally would.
Tell me, tell me, tell me!
56
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,777
Okay. I was 8 years old.
57
00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:36,072
I was making cards for all
the important people in my life.
58
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:38,324
My mom, my mom's boyfriend, Steve,
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00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,368
my favorite NSYNC member,
Chris Kirkpatrick,
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00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,870
Ruthie and Teck from
The Real World: Hawaii.
61
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,247
Stop right there.
62
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:45,957
A pre-puberty story doesn't count.
63
00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:47,875
Heartbreak before
your period isn't real.
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00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,546
Oh, okay. Uh, I'm gonna think
of a different one.
65
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:52,964
Ooh! When I was 13.
66
00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:56,301
Uh, no. You hang up first.
I'm not hanging up first!
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00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,428
It's your turn to hang up first.
You go first.
68
00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:00,513
Next!
69
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,558
Okay, uh, I'll go. Alright.
Um...
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00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:05,226
My worst St. Valentine's.
71
00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:09,564
Uh, the year was 2012,
and I was a besotted young lad
72
00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:12,692
on a hunting trip in Norfolk
with my family
73
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,236
and my girlfriend, Jacinda Astley.
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00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:18,197
♪ Classical music playing ♪
We were staying at Houghton Hall,
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00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,867
the estate of my family's dear friends,
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00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:24,287
David and Rose, the Marquess
and Marchioness of Cholmondeley.
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00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:26,622
There was a crisp breeze that afternoon,
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00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,499
so I went to close the window.
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00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:32,128
But the curtains, well, were fluttering
so playfully in the draft
80
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,589
that in the end,
I couldn't bear to end
81
00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:37,550
their delightful curtain dance.
82
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:40,887
Oh, my God! We are telling
Valentine's stories in a bar,
83
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,015
not doing set dec for soft-core porn.
84
00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:48,603
Well, if you're such a masterful
storyteller, please, regale us.
85
00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:51,647
I would, but all my V-Days
have been straight-up bangers.
86
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,149
Ooh, what about Brendan?
87
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,193
Who's Brendan? Did he suck?
88
00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:58,321
- Ooh. Did he call women "females"?
- Well,
89
00:03:58,322 --> 00:04:01,115
it was freshman year of college.
Sophie and I hadn't met yet,
90
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:03,785
and I thought I was gonna be
the next Lady Gaga.
91
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:07,372
Brendan was a graphic design major
I'd been dating for a couple of months.
92
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:11,375
Hi! I'm Valentina.
93
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,461
Sophie Tompkins.
94
00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:16,380
Is today your favorite holiday
because of your name?
95
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:19,259
That would be like if I was... Halloweena!
96
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,845
Not sure exactly what you're on,
97
00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:24,681
but you should have some water.
98
00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:28,184
Great tip. Thanks.
99
00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:31,062
Are you surprising your boyfriend
with a Valentine's Day gift, too?
100
00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:33,439
Yeah.
101
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,442
It's pictures of my butt.
102
00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:37,860
Like, you sat on a copy machine?
103
00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,112
No...
104
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:41,280
Can I be honest with you?
105
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:44,200
You could do so much better than Todd.
106
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:47,870
Todd? Ew! He's legit
the grossest man I've ever met.
107
00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:49,330
♪ Rock music playing ♪
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Harsh.
109
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:53,543
Did you ladies come here
just to insult me?
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00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:54,795
'Cause if you did...
111
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:59,132
you mind putting these on
and let me turn my webcam on first?
112
00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:02,385
Turns out, Todd was developing
113
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:05,221
a glam rock musical version
of Charlotte's Web.
114
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:06,472
It was actually pretty good.
115
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,516
So, if you aren't here for Todd...
116
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,519
And you're not here for Todd...
117
00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:14,313
- We kissed the same guy?!
- We slept with the same guy?!
118
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,566
Brendan! Legend!
119
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,442
Shut up, Todd!
120
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:19,486
♪
121
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:26,826
That lying sack of crap!
122
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,953
That smarmy little ass-clown!
123
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:31,038
Oh, that sleazy dick-nosed bastard!
124
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,582
Oh, that butthead!
125
00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,542
Are you the Amish exchange student
I heard about?
126
00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:36,878
What? No. I could do better.
127
00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:39,046
That jerk! Oh!
128
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:40,882
And his hair looks so dumb.
129
00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:43,218
No. His hair looks cool.
130
00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:46,554
He was bald by junior year. Hm.
131
00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,849
Sometimes, God is good.
132
00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:52,768
Brendan sucks,
and we have got to break up with him.
133
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:55,855
Oh, we are going to do
way more than break up with him.
134
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,648
We're gonna get revenge.
135
00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:59,735
God, I find being
around you exhilarating.
136
00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,361
So we grabbed our bats
137
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,865
and went to town on Brendan's bike.
138
00:06:05,324 --> 00:06:08,409
♪ I dug my key into the side ♪
139
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:11,829
♪ Of his pretty little souped-up
four-wheel-drive ♪
140
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,207
♪ Carved my name into... ♪
141
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,833
Hey! What are you guys doing?
142
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:17,376
You cheat on me,
143
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,337
your ride pays the price!
144
00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:23,050
Yeah! Exactly what she said,
but from my perspective!
145
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,676
Uh...
146
00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:26,929
that's not my bike.
147
00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:31,974
So, maybe we tanked our revenge plan,
148
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:35,645
but that's the night I met my BFFTLATN.
149
00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:36,480
What?
150
00:06:36,481 --> 00:06:39,232
Best friends for this life and the next.
151
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:40,983
We both believe in reincarnation.
152
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:42,985
Yes, we're coming back
as treasured house cats.
153
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:45,113
- Same house?
- Same estate.
154
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,616
Are you two serious?
155
00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:51,327
How is a story of your adorable
Valentine's Day meet-cute
156
00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:52,829
supposed to make me feel any better?
157
00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,289
- It's not.
- Our bad.
158
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,750
I need something
gut-wrenchingly pathetic.
159
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:58,794
Jesse?
160
00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:01,879
Fine.
161
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,673
I was 10 years old.
162
00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,758
Hang on,
Ellen said no pre-puberty stories.
163
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,261
Actually, Jesse went
through puberty in third grade.
164
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:11,139
Whenever he took me to the playground,
all the kids called him "sir."
165
00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:14,976
Today's lunch is fish sticks,
tater tots, fruit cup,
166
00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:17,395
and your choice of regular
or chocolate milk.
167
00:07:17,396 --> 00:07:20,648
Okay, guys, I'll let you in on
a little secret. One girl's advice?
168
00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:22,441
You're gonna wanna go chocolate.
169
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,444
Mariah Moore
was the first girl I ever liked.
170
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,155
We'd never actually talked,
but I knew all I needed to know.
171
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:31,325
She was super cute,
she'd read all the Animorphs books,
172
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:34,121
and her parents had a trampoline. No net.
173
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,747
I love you, Mariah Moore.
174
00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,500
I'm at work.
175
00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:43,296
You told a girl you were
in love with her way too soon?
176
00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,299
Why does that sound so familiar?
177
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,801
Because he did it to Sophie.
178
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,554
He also did it in middle school.
179
00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:53,849
Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Fine.
There was one other time.
180
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,693
I love you, Olivia DeMarco.
181
00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,779
Um, Jerry, is it?
182
00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:11,200
And then in college.
183
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,620
These Wall Street fat cats
184
00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:18,664
have stolen from America's working class!
185
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:19,625
Yes!
186
00:08:19,626 --> 00:08:22,460
But do you know who
really belongs behind bars?
187
00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,253
Clarissa Yang.
188
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:27,465
Because you stole my heart, Clarissa.
189
00:08:27,466 --> 00:08:28,674
I love you!
190
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,469
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
191
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:32,762
Oh!
192
00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:36,265
So you say "I love you" early on
to, like, everyone.
193
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:38,601
Well, you'll be happy to know
that all those people hated it
194
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:40,562
just as much as you did.
195
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:43,898
Cool. Noted.
196
00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,149
Wait, are you actually upset about this?
197
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,860
No. I don't care.
198
00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:48,528
- Great.
- Great.
199
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:49,571
Great.
200
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,574
Sorry. When I get uncomfortable,
201
00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,201
I get Scottish.
202
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,079
♪
203
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:02,542
Stop glaring at me!
204
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:06,088
Oh, you don't love that
like you love every woman you lay eyes on?
205
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,132
Alright! Back to me then. Um...
206
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,926
I have processed your critiques,
207
00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:14,304
and I am ready to tell
my story succinctly.
208
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:18,140
So, we're at Houghton Hall,
awaiting the arrival
209
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:22,061
of my beloved girlfriend, Jacinda Astley.
210
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,355
And, uh, I wanted things
to be extra special
211
00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:26,899
because, well,
I'd always had a bit of a thing
212
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,818
for old St Valentine's.
213
00:09:28,819 --> 00:09:31,737
And Jacinda Astley...
214
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,406
was a lady.
215
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:36,158
And though the Astleys
were incredibly well-esteemed,
216
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:39,912
their family name had not
gone unmarred by scandal.
217
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:44,083
Rumor has it, her great-aunt was
sired not by Lord Phillip Astley,
218
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,586
but by a mere stable boy.
219
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,880
Of Wolverhampton!
220
00:09:48,881 --> 00:09:51,424
- No!
- Yes! And it gets even better...
221
00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:53,342
Dude, I'm not no-ing you.
Nobody's listening to you.
222
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:55,386
- Mean.
- True.
223
00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,680
They're diverting
Hannah's flight to Houston
224
00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,223
'cause someone said they were
having a heart attack.
225
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:02,643
Like, dude, how hard is it to just
ignore your body's signals
226
00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,478
until it's too late like the rest of us?
227
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:07,440
So Hannah will get in tomorrow.
Is that such a big deal?
228
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:08,774
Yes.
229
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:11,778
Spending Valentine's Day together is,
like, super important to us.
230
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:14,197
'Cause of our worst one ever.
231
00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:17,201
That sounds awful. Tell us everything.
232
00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:20,536
Okay, so Hannah and I
are still in med school,
233
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,872
and we just started dating,
so we weren't exclusive yet.
234
00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:26,209
Come on, man! Just have one drink with me
at the McLarens' place downstairs.
235
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:27,835
Hey...
236
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,796
We can mack on
some sweet Valentine's Day honeys.
237
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:34,759
Sid, you're not a virgin.
Why are you talking like one?
238
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:38,179
- Also, you have a girlfriend.
- Hannah is not my girlfriend, okay?
239
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:40,890
I'm a playboy. I can't be tied down.
240
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,434
What the...
241
00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:47,396
Look at this photo Hannah just posted.
Why is she all up on this dude?
242
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:51,068
Whoa. Looks like she's out
being a play girl, huh?
243
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:52,693
Oh, my God, I'm an idiot.
244
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,070
Dude, I am done playing games.
245
00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:56,113
I gotta go tell Hannah
she's the only one for me,
246
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:58,074
and you are coming, too!
247
00:10:58,075 --> 00:10:59,700
Alright, fine, I'll go with you,
248
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,577
but I'm not putting on real pants, okay?
249
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:04,289
Because Valentine's Day is a stupid...
250
00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,918
♪
251
00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:10,545
Now, focus. If you
252
00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:14,131
were a gorgeous young med student
about to throw away the love of your life,
253
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:15,758
- where would you...
- It's a very small apartment, okay?
254
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:17,051
They're right there.
255
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:20,179
♪ House music plays ♪
256
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:23,140
Okay. Come on. Jesse, dance.
Act like we're having fun.
257
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:25,101
What? Why? I thought we were here
so you could tell Hannah
258
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,978
- how you feel about her.
- Yeah, I was,
259
00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:28,938
but I'm pissed she's having
so much fun without me.
260
00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:31,107
I want her to see that I have fun
without her, too, you know?
261
00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:33,609
By dancing with me?
262
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,195
Come on, Jesse! We didn't
practice Dougie-ing for nothing, okay?
263
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,824
♪
264
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,537
Ha! Ha!
265
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,585
- Jesse! Running man! Now!
- Are we in a dance-off?
266
00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,796
Oh, I am! I don't know
what the hell you're doing!
267
00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:56,382
What's up? What's up? Wh... Ow! Cramp!
268
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,634
Are you okay?
269
00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:01,430
That is enough! Can you stop
massaging him right now, please?
270
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:05,057
Hannah, I want to be your boyfriend.
I want you to be my girlfriend.
271
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,976
I want this guy to just go away.
272
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:08,811
Ha! I knew it.
273
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,813
- Thanks for your help, Drew-shi.
- Of course.
274
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,065
Drew-shi is a dish best served cold.
275
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,902
Wait, what?
276
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:16,569
Did you set me up?
277
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:19,697
- Hell yeah, I did.
- Look, Hannah knew if we made you jelly,
278
00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:22,298
you'd make things official.
That's why I brought out the big guns.
279
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,912
I can do that, too.
280
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,163
Am I doing it?
281
00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:28,540
No...
282
00:12:30,042 --> 00:12:32,210
Look, glad I could help cupid you guys.
283
00:12:32,211 --> 00:12:34,879
The way she talks about you,
I knew you got something special.
284
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:38,090
And people who love each other
should be together on Valentine's Day.
285
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,886
That's why I'm gonna go hang out
with my mom. Later.
286
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:45,473
I can't believe you tricked me.
That's, like, supes immature.
287
00:12:45,474 --> 00:12:47,808
Seriously? You're mad?
288
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:48,809
Yeah.
289
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:51,103
You've been acting for weeks like you
don't want to be my boyfriend.
290
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,480
That's immature.
291
00:12:52,481 --> 00:12:56,442
We proceeded to have the kind of awful,
horrible, screaming, crying fight
292
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,902
that you only have in your 20s.
293
00:12:57,903 --> 00:13:00,404
- I hate you.
- I hate you, too!
294
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:03,408
♪ House music continues ♪
295
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:07,913
I love you... Sweatpants Girl.
296
00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:11,541
Seriously?
297
00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:13,460
That one doesn't count!
298
00:13:14,253 --> 00:13:16,255
Have... you met molly?
299
00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:21,717
I also said "I love you"
to my cab driver,
300
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:24,262
a fat pigeon, a-and a trash can
301
00:13:24,263 --> 00:13:26,181
I could "feel" had a soul.
302
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,976
Anyway, um,
that night, neither of us slept,
303
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,269
and when the sun came up,
304
00:13:31,270 --> 00:13:34,064
we both realized why. Um...
305
00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:36,775
the only thing we really wanted
was each other.
306
00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:41,196
Hi.
307
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,407
- Hi.
- I, uh,
308
00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:45,909
I made you this.
309
00:13:46,702 --> 00:13:50,204
You arranged a bunch of bagels
in the shape of balls?
310
00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:51,789
Huh? No. Oh!
311
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,958
It's supposed to be a heart.
312
00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:55,586
Made of everything bagels 'cause...
313
00:13:57,129 --> 00:13:58,630
'cause you're my everything.
314
00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:02,717
And you used cream cheese for the glue!
315
00:14:02,718 --> 00:14:03,760
Mm-hmm.
316
00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:09,640
And we haven't spent
Valentine's Day apart since.
317
00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,559
- Until now.
- Aw...
318
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,187
Oh, Jesse, those two
old ladies are leaving.
319
00:14:14,188 --> 00:14:16,105
Don't forget to tell 'em both
you love 'em.
320
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:19,108
I really don't get it.
How are you actually pissed about this?
321
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:22,279
I'm not pissed. I'm... irked.
322
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,324
You guys get why, right?
323
00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:28,034
No. No. Not really.
324
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,661
Oh, my God. Fine.
325
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,790
When you told me you loved me
on our first date,
326
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,417
yes, that freaked me out.
327
00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:39,504
But it also made me feel... special.
328
00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:43,132
And then hearing that
you've said those same words
329
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:45,968
to roughly one in four American women,
330
00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:47,471
that makes me feel...
331
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:51,850
Less special?
332
00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:56,813
This was way too intimate
to say in front of everyone.
333
00:14:57,856 --> 00:14:59,941
I'm gonna get a very strong drink.
334
00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:02,027
Oh! Why am I doing it?
335
00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:03,694
♪
336
00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:10,409
S-so, Ellen? We were thinking...
337
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,955
No, you can't use Ice Rachel
as a vodka luge.
338
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,290
Surprise!
339
00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,083
- Oh!
- Oh, my God!
340
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,334
- You're here!
- I am!
341
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:21,337
Oh, I pulled a full "mom from Home Alone"
342
00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:23,714
and cried my way onto a new flight.
343
00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:26,133
My favorite girl referencing
my favorite movie
344
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,885
on my favorite day of the year?
345
00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:29,888
I love this holiday!
346
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:34,475
I have an announcement!
Hello, Hannah. Welcome back.
347
00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:36,310
I have taken your collective feedback
348
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:39,064
and distilled my story
into four sentences.
349
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:42,984
My girlfriend was coming to visit me
in the country for Valentine's Day.
350
00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:46,153
I decided to surprise her
by wearing nothing but whipped cream.
351
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:49,658
♪ Romantic music ♪
352
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,291
Are the cherries too much?
353
00:15:58,292 --> 00:16:01,378
No. You look scrumptious, sir.
354
00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:10,888
I lay there all night waiting,
355
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,055
and she stood me up.
356
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:14,892
I wound up with a broken heart...
357
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:17,644
and a yeast infection.
358
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,272
Which I didn't even know men could get.
359
00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:23,274
That's a pretty good story!
360
00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:25,985
I got a double cheese pizza
from Little Caesar's
361
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,529
for... Ellen Gilbert.
362
00:16:34,203 --> 00:16:35,828
Happy Valentine's Day, baby.
363
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:38,998
I figure if we ate the same thing
together on FaceTime,
364
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,666
it'd almost be like we were together.
365
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,335
This is perfect.
366
00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:44,754
I should have known
you would make today amazing.
367
00:16:44,755 --> 00:16:46,255
Aw...
368
00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:48,376
This is a private moment
between me and my girlfriend!
369
00:16:50,511 --> 00:16:51,511
Just kidding.
370
00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:54,306
We're cute as hell,
and I accept your aw's.
371
00:16:55,766 --> 00:16:57,934
Hey. Look.
372
00:16:57,935 --> 00:16:59,560
Yes, when I was younger, I threw out
373
00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:01,938
a lot of "I love you's"
with reckless abandon.
374
00:17:01,939 --> 00:17:04,899
Okay? But then, I stopped.
For many years.
375
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,777
- You did?
- I did.
376
00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:10,154
And, you know, after Meredith left me,
377
00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:12,824
I-I thought I'd never say it again,
and...
378
00:17:13,951 --> 00:17:14,993
then I met you.
379
00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:18,622
Got it.
380
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,959
Thank you for... clearing that up for me.
381
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,211
I feel less irked.
382
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,337
Good.
383
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:27,630
Okay, so finish your story.
384
00:17:27,631 --> 00:17:30,424
Wh-what happened to you on
Valentine's Day in third grade?
385
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:32,885
There was a father-daughter
dance at school,
386
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:36,722
and I put fliers
with my picture up all over town
387
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:40,518
in hopes that my dad would see it
and come and surprise me.
388
00:17:40,519 --> 00:17:42,603
Did your dad live in your town?
389
00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:45,356
No idea. My mom only told me
390
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:49,235
that they slept together
one time at the first Lollapalooza.
391
00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:51,612
- Wow.
- Yeah. She actually said "did the nasty,"
392
00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:53,072
but I was trying to spare you.
393
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:56,743
Thank you.
Okay, so-so-so what happened?
394
00:17:57,369 --> 00:17:59,663
I stood in the middle
of the dance floor,
395
00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:03,583
hoping my long-lost father would
walk through the door and surprise me.
396
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:06,669
And after a while, a guy
I'd never seen before showed up.
397
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,672
- Someone else's dad.
- I wish.
398
00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:11,799
Just a neighborhood pervert.
399
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,468
- Oh.
- Security tackled him pretty fast.
400
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:16,637
But, in retrospect,
401
00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:20,474
putting up pictures of a little girl
with the caption
402
00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:23,477
"Daddy, come dance with me,"
was not a good idea.
403
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,980
Oh, my God.
404
00:18:25,981 --> 00:18:29,066
The police said I saved
a lot of lives in the end.
405
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:31,485
- Huh...
- What?
406
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:33,654
Well, it's just you have
407
00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:36,158
a real reason to hate this day.
408
00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:39,619
But you just throw on a smile
and spend it with Val
409
00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:42,038
and have a ridiculously
good attitude about it.
410
00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:44,040
H-how do you do that?
411
00:18:44,041 --> 00:18:46,417
What is my other option?
To act like you?
412
00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:48,170
I-I'm serious.
413
00:18:48,754 --> 00:18:50,172
Chocolate helps.
414
00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,758
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
415
00:18:57,638 --> 00:18:59,847
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
416
00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:02,392
You know, maybe
Valentine's Day is not that bad.
417
00:19:04,478 --> 00:19:07,523
You see, son, love just feels good.
418
00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:10,108
Especially on Valentine's Day.
419
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,902
Just ask your dad.
420
00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:16,030
And people who love each other
should be together on Valentine's Day.
421
00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:18,741
I'd always had a bit of a thing
for old Saint Valentine's.
422
00:19:18,742 --> 00:19:20,243
Oh, my God, I love this holiday.
423
00:19:20,244 --> 00:19:22,828
You know, maybe
Valentine's Day is not that bad.
424
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,539
I freaking love Valentine's Day.
425
00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:26,833
He wasn't even in this story.
426
00:19:26,834 --> 00:19:29,502
Wait, did I miss something?
427
00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:31,213
Different Valentine's Day.
428
00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:33,047
We'll get there.
429
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,135
I'm sure she'll be here any minute.
430
00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:41,098
- Right, Rupert?
- Of course, she will, sir.
431
00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:46,519
♪ Open up your eyes ♪
432
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,479
♪ Then, you'll realize ♪
433
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:52,400
♪ Here I stand with my everlasting love ♪
434
00:19:52,401 --> 00:19:54,360
♪ Need you by my side ♪
435
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:56,362
♪ Girl to be my bride ♪
436
00:19:56,363 --> 00:20:00,324
♪ You'll never be denied
everlasting love ♪
437
00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:02,285
♪ From the very start ♪
438
00:20:02,286 --> 00:20:04,245
♪ Open up your heart ♪
439
00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:08,165
♪ Feel that you're part of
everlasting love ♪
440
00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:11,127
♪ Oh! ♪
441
00:20:11,128 --> 00:20:14,882
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪
33803
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