All language subtitles for Rock.Hudson.All.That.Heaven.Allowed

Downloaded from
YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

(ethereal music)

Peter Kevoian:
We were sitting at the pool

just sunbathing and talking.

I was a young gay man who was

questioning
all kinds of things.

We talked about being gay
in Hollywood

and how difficult
it was to have a career.

And I asked him how he knew
that he was gonna make it,

because I wasn't sure
that I ever would.

And he told me about
a dream that he had.

He dreamt that there was
a perfectly cut diamond

sitting on velvet

in a room that was lit
with pin spots.

And every one of the lights

were pointed into the center
of the diamond.

♪♪

He thought he was the diamond.

He said, "That's the dream

"that made me believe
that I could do this.

That's how I knew
I was gonna be a star."

(dramatic music)

-Your name is Roy Fitzgerald?
-That's right.

Well, come up on
our stage, young man.

This is your life!

Come along here.

-(laughing)
-♪ fanfare playing ♪

Hey!

You see, folks, this young man,

whose name really is
Roy Fitzgerald,

is known to you
and to movie fans
all over the world as...

Narrator: Rock Hudson.
Was he the cat's pajamas!

Pleased to make
your acquaintance, ma'am.

Kevoian:
Well, Rock was an icon.

Alan Shayne:
You couldn't take your eyes

off Rock on the screen,
you really couldn't.

Robert Hofler:
Not only was he

the biggest star
at Universal,

he was by far
the biggest star
in Hollywood.

Ken Maley:
There was that period
where he was the king.

Carole Cook:
The Tom Cruise of his day.

Maley:
Women were swooning,
men were swooning.

Armistead Maupin:
Rock was everybody's type.

Howard McGillin:
(laughing) You couldn't
invent a name

that was better
for a heterosexual leading man
than Rock Hudson.

Maley:
Not only did women say,

"That's the man I want
to marry,"

many men said,
"That's the man
I'd like to be."

McGillin:
He was like a granite facade,

just impenetrable.

Alice Waier:
He was a great performer,

not only in acting,
but in life.

Why aren't you married, Jordan?

Maley:
He had more than one world.

He had the studio world.

He had this gay world.

-You'll come?
-I'd be delighted.

Well, good-o, sport!

Maupin: I thought I was
the last man in California

to go to bed with Rock Hudson
when I finally did.

He was a sort
of sexual gladiator.

The lash for you,
betrayer of women.

David Thomson:
He was closeted,

but there was every reason
to be closeted back then.

If the truth had come out,
that would've been
the end of his career.

It's as simple as that.

Kevoian:
The public perception of Rock

was so very masculine
and straight.

Privately, he was very free.

Carol Burnett:
He loved to laugh.
He was also a bit of a devil.

Ken Jillson:
The people that
he had around him

were very trusted friends.

I think maybe that's the key.

Shayne:
People loved him, you know?

He was just a decent,
wonderful guy.

And that's unusual
in Hollywood.

I hate to say that,
but it's true.

He was a quiet man.

I think the thing
I most remember him for
were his silences.

It was...

(contemplative music)

...as if he were always
listening to something inside.

Some voice.

He never
talked about it, so...

I never knew what it was.

Oh, he was a good man.

He lived as if he were
a stranger here.

I mean, he never let
anything touch him.

Became absorbed in things.
His job mostly.

He worked hard, he...

always a look around
his eyes as if he were

trying to say something.

♪♪

I don't know what...

protest against what
he'd surrendered his life to.

♪♪

I never knew
what he wanted...

-(distant clatter)
-...and I don't think
he ever knew.

♪♪

Well, I...

guess I can't tell you
much more. Enough?

(contemplative music continues)

Rock Hudson:
Should be going.

Reporter 1:
Rock Hudson died peacefully
in his sleep from AIDS,

the first well-known person
to publicly acknowledge

his struggle
with that fatal disease.

Norman Sunshine:
He signaled this catastrophe
called AIDS,

but Rock was an activist
without knowing it.

Reporter 2: Since AIDS
is primarily a disease

associated with homosexuals,

talk of Hudson's lifestyle
has surfaced.

Maupin:
They needed someone
to say that he was gay,

and the story would be told,
and I didn't want it to be told

in the way that the people
in Hollywood wanted it told.

Ronald L. Davis:
This is an interview
with actor Rock Hudson

taped in his home
in Beverly Hills, California,

on August 24th, 1983.

Well, I'm wondering,
first of all,

how an Illinois boy
like yourself

became interested in acting.

Hudson: I wanted to be
an actor all my life.

That has always
hypnotized me.

Davis: Did you have
acting training as a boy?

Hudson:
No. I could never freely say,

"I'm going to be an actor
when I grow up."

Davis:
Yeah.

Hudson:
Because that's sissy stuff.

You oughta be a policeman
or a fireman.

So I never said anything.
Kept my mouth shut.

Nor did I enter in
the drama society
or anything like that.

I had to work all the time,
so I couldn't do

any form
of extracurricular activity.

I had to make
a living for myself.

And then I went in the Navy
in World War II

and went back home
for a summer,

and I thought,
"This place is not for me.

Now is the time
to do what I want to do."

(mellow jazz music)

I did know one person
in Los Angeles,

my father.

My parents divorced,

and so he was living out here.

So I came out

and stayed with him.

It was very difficult for me
to make friends out here.

Then I got to know

a guy who was
an older brother

of a guy
I was overseas with.

And it was one of those things,

"If you're ever in Los Angeles,
look me up."

So I called him and he said,

"Come on up
for Sunday dinner."

So I did, met his brother,
who lived in Long Beach,

who used to be a radio
producer.

He began inviting me down

to his place down in Long
Beach.

We became best friends.

Richard Hodge:
Kenneth Hodge was my uncle.

A man of the arts.

Somebody that really loved
to help people.

It was never, ever spoken of

that, you know,
he might be gay.

I'd never heard that word
at that point in time.

Being gay was considered,
you know, a neurosis.

It was just a subject that,
uh, that was off the table.

Rock was just getting
out of the Navy

and hadn't been
into the pictures yet.

So Kenneth was really
enthralled with him

and was sort of
"love at first sight,"
I think for, for Ken.

They were very much lovers.

Kenneth had
a big Hollywood job.

He was a director in radio,
and he had a good network.

He had plenty of people
to introduce Rock to,

and he helped facilitate
some of Rock's early career.

Hudson: He suggested that
I get some pictures taken

and send them
around to agents.

I said, "What's an agent?"

Now I'm Midwestern hick.
Please understand.

Not knowing anything at all.

Anyway, I had one response,
that's all.

And that was Henry Willson.

Davis:
Is that right?

Hodge:
Rock was very ambitious.

He got scooped up
with a big-time agent

who really
accelerated Rock's career.

And from what I know is,

he kind of dropped Ken
on the spot.

I think it ended
really abruptly.

I never really saw my uncle
in love again.

And I think Rock
broke his heart.

(audience applauding)

(indistinct chatter)

And the fella sitting
next to you in the audience
down there,

there's the man
who gave you that name,

your good friend
and personal manager,
Mr. Henry Willson.

Henry, stand up, please,
let the folks see you.

(Rock laughing)

Matter of fact, uh,
Henry discovered Rock

and fostered
his rapid rise in pictures.

Hudson:
Mm-hmm.

Hofler: In the '40s,
Henry Willson went to work

for David O. Selznick
right after David O. Selznick

finished
"Gone With the Wind."

Henry and Rock met at a party

that this boyfriend-agent
of Rock's took him to.

Rock realized,
"I'm going with the guy

who's the head of talent
for Selznick Studios!"

So Rock was
one of his first clients,

and there were dozens
of other men

who have been
completely forgotten,

who had crazy names
like "Race Gentry."

You only have to look
at the silent movies,

where you would have
these men like Ramon Novarro

or Rudolph Valentino.

And they were considered
way too effeminate

by the late '30s.

As we come out
of World War II,

our icons,
particularly in the movies,

become more butch.

A more masculine man

in the stereotypical way
took over.

There were
all these photographs
of soldiers and sailors.

And so that kind of
upped the ante of

this macho quality
that people wanted
in a movie star.

And so the physique
became more important

and you had more
taking off of the shirt.

And that's where
Henry Willson
really came in.

He groomed the male stars

to be more butch, frankly.

And he did it with,

you know,
a number of these guys

who were ex-soldiers
and sailors,

and Rock Hudson
was one of them.

-Actress: You are divine.
-I know, but I'm in training.

(women laughing)

Hudson:
So then I started

going to class
and going to diction lessons,

learning how
to lower my voice,

learning how
to horseback ride,

learning anything I could,

'cause something
within this Midwestern
hick stupidity of mine

told me that if you're
gonna do something, do it,

and do it the best you can
and learn.

I knew that, at least.

Mark Griffin: Henry Willson
was very shrewd in knowing

that if there is even
a trace of effeminacy,

whether it's a giggle
or a flutter,

that that's going
to read on screen.

Hofler:
He showed them how
to do their hair,

what to wear, all of that.

You know, he was a real
grooming school.

He taught them
how to be heterosexual.

(jazz singer vocalizing)

Griffin: So, Kathleen,
I wanted to begin by asking

about the screen test
that you appeared in with Rock.

-Kathleen Hughes: Oh, yes.
-(knocking)

Griffin: I was just wondering,
had you met Rock

prior to appearing
in the test with him?

Hughes:
No, I hadn't.

Griffin: What was your
initial impression of him?

Hughes: Well, he was
certainly very handsome...

(laughs)
...no question of that.

And he was very pleasant,
very nice.

Honey, I'm gonna
tell you something.

You can believe it or not,
but it's the truth.

The last winter of the war
over in Germany...

Hughes:
He did not appeal to me
as a man or as a date.

He was very nice, but I...
there was no spark.

-(peaceful piano music)
-Director: Cut!

Hudson:
I was under contract
with Universal Pictures.

And then I was with them
17, 18 years.

Universal in those days,
it was a wonderful studio.

They took care of everything
for the actor.

The house you live in,

the shopping,
your meals, a cook.

It was all done for you.

So that the only thing you
had to be concerned about
was your performance.

♪♪

Piper Laurie:
See that little glint of fear

in his eyes, the insecurity?

Rock and I had both been signed

to be under
contract to Universal.

One of the things
that we had to do

after we were
all under contract was

be a part of
a theatrical presentation

for all the studio heads
and producers and agents.

And he'd never been
on the stage before.

And, and I saw that he was
physically out of control.

He was just, he
was very much like a child

and just shaking visibly
and perspiring

and looked like he
couldn't stand on his feet.

And I embraced him,
and I held him
like I was his mother

and tried to infuse
some strength in him, courage.

But he was so frightened.

Hughes:
My best friend at the time,

who was also under contract,
Susan Cabot.

Well, she was always telling me

how madly
in love with him she was.

And she told me
that he took her home
to meet his mother once.

She was really hoping
to end up with him.

And I had already heard
that he was gay.

And I said, "Um, I don't
think it's gonna happen."

"Oh, yes, yes.
It's just got to happen."

Well, it didn't happen.

I can't marry you.

Why not, darling?
Why not?

For a moment,
I, I forgot what I am.

(mellow jazz music)

Hofler:
There's a womanizer

and Henry Willson
was a manizer.

And he was pretty
straightforward about,

"Well, I'll sign you
and you'll sleep with me,"

and there was even kind of
negotiations that went on,

and he quickly
gained a reputation for it.

And young, good-looking men
went to him

using their sex
to be signed by him.

They knew what they were doing.

I don't think,
when it came to sex,

Rock was ever innocent
by the time he arrived
in Hollywood.

Actress:
The next time we saw Roy
was over a week later,

only you wouldn't know
it was the same man.

Hello.

Griffin:
In 1951, Henry Willson

introduces his most
promising client,
Rock Hudson,

to an aspiring actor
named Bob Preble.

Soon these two
eligible bachelors
are living together

in a one-bedroom house
off Mulholland Drive.

(cool jazz music)

"Photoplay" magazine
publishes this article,

and we're allowed
to peek through the window,

as it were, into Rock
and Bob's private sanctuary.

♪♪

What's being depicted
is almost sort of like
this marital intimacy.

And yet every effort is made
to portray Rock and Bob as like

wholesome all-American boys.

Preble later admitted
to some quote, unquote,

"experimenting"
with Rock

when they were roommates.

But "Photoplay" magazine
would have us believe

that the only reason
these two hunks
are living together

is to save a buck.

Look, baby,
there's no strings on me.

I do what I like.

And the same thing
goes for you.

And we got music.

(contemplative music)

Griffin: In 1951, Rock meets
fellow actor George Nader

and Nader's long-term partner,
Mark Miller.

And for the next 34 years,

this trio
is virtually inseparable.

The bond is forged through,
you know, things like

a similar sense of humor

and this tendency
towards mischief.

There's also this shared
misery of the closet.

There are countless lovers,
short-term boyfriends,

and weekend flings that pass
through Rock Hudson's life.

But the friendship with Nader
and Miller endured.

Ain't he the sweetest
player you ever saw?

He is not.

Thomson: I think
that Hudson was regarded

as a big, strong,
handsome guy.

And the natural instinct
was to put him

in a lot of cheap
adventure films.

It took time
for the studio to see

that what they really had there

was a subtler actor

than they ever guessed.

Johash! The horses!

(band playing
"Has Anybody Seen My Gal")

Narrator:
Yes, here they are,

those wild
and wonderful '20s,

the years of speakeasies
and hot jazz.

(upbeat jazz music)

(speaking German)

-Will I see you tonight?
-You bet, Millie, 8 o'clock.

-There's a good-- Yes, sir.
-A double bromo.

One double bromo.
There's a good movie...

Laurie: I personally felt
that part was beneath him.

I thought he was miscast.

You know,
he was a 6'4" hunk,

and to be playing lines

that belonged
in a teenager's mouth.

Watch me!
One strawberry surprise.

Laurie: I just thought
it was beneath him,
and he was a good sport.

Did you know that
in the drugstore scenes, uh...

Griffin:
Is it the young Jimmy Dean?

Laurie: Yeah, yeah.
He was sitting
at the counter.

Nobody paid any attention,
nobody knew him then.

Two scoops
of vanilla ice cream,
one mixed up with the rest.

And, uh, one floating.

(moody jazz music)

(Sirk speaking German)

Announcer:
Film producer Ross Hunter,

who not only is one
of the most successful
producers in town,

but one of the best liked.

I believe in, you know,
authenticity, real flowers
and real paintings.

And there's
a million dollars' worth
of jewels here tonight.

Ross Hunter: The studio asked,
"What would you like to do?"

And I said, "Well,
I would like to do something

"that I believe is very much
needed in this industry,

and that is
to bring back glamor."

So I said,
"Let's do some love stories."

(expansive symphonic music)

Douglas Sirk: I only can say
I smelled something

interesting in the film.

Something which
I would call metaphysical.

You know, it's very strange
knowing you only like this.

So well,
it seems, and...

and yet...

I've never seen
your face.

Hunter:
The studio thought
my ideas were crazy.

I told them that
I believe strongly

in a man called Rock Hudson.

And I would like to be able

to use him as the young man
in "Magnificent Obsession."

He's a good-looking,
clean-cut man

that young people
all over the world

will fantasize about.

Oh, I'm so glad
you're here.

You must have known
how much I need you now.

Darling.

Griffin:
Ross Hunter is kind of

the one that clues
into the fact

that Rock is Prince Charming.

You know,
let's put him in some

glossy romantic melodramas.

That proved to be
the winning formula

for the beginning
of Rock's career.

I love you,
and I wanna marry you.

Hunter:
Oh, the picture was probably

one of
the biggest moneymakers

that Universal had ever had.

Sirk:
Rock Hudson became a star,

just on account of this film.

Announcer:
Based on votes of moviegoers
all over the nation,

most popular actor
of the year.

(fans chanting "We want Rock!")

Rock, take another bow.
Take another bow.

Take a bow, just take a bow.

(Latin jazz music)

-Aren't you Mrs. Ricky Ricardo?
-Yeah-- Yes.

-Well, I'm Rock Hudson.
-Oh, yeah.

-Well, I know that.
-(audience laughing)

Announcer:
W ell, this is the second
year in a row

that Mr. Hudson has been
picked by "Modern Screen"

as most popular actor.

Top honors for a top star.

(spirited jazz music concludes)

(sweeping romantic music)

But I'd be running away
if I turn my back
on everything I've known.

Ron. Isn't it enough
that we love each other?

No, Cary, it isn't.

Illeana Douglas:
Sirk is German.

He's making these movies

as an outsider
about our American values

and kind of poking holes
in them.

Narrator:
Their lives were worlds apart.

Cary's world was bound
by the country club set,

their smug pretensions
and their spiteful gossip.

Ron's world was boundless.

The great outdoors,
the things that grow

and real people
who give and take

all that heaven allows

of love and happiness.

(upbeat piano
and accordion music)

Douglas:
Sirk created a signature style,

which is, it's so beautiful,

but if you look underneath
the surface,

under the white picket
fences,

you're gonna see how torrid
and ugly everything is.

-Howard, you're drunk.
-Why, Cary!

-(glass shatters)
-Isn't one man enough for you?

Maybe you'd better stay
right where you are.

Douglas:
Rock Hudson is just a...

a perfect example
of a male Adonis,

but he's also sensitive,
well-rounded guy.

You know, he's not strictly
a sex object for Jane Wyman.

He was the perfect man
for women of that era

that maybe were trapped
in lonely marriages

with insensitive,
unfeeling men.

Look, Mick, I told her
that I love her.

I asked her to marry me.
I can't force her.

She has to make up
her own mind.

She doesn't wanna make up
her own mind, no girl does.

She wants you
to make it up for her.

Come on, let's go.

Douglas:
Rock Hudson is playing
a man called Rock Hudson,

who is the personification
of Americana.

(contemplative music)

The identity
was given to him...

♪♪

...and he slipped into it
and he played it
for the rest of his life.

(contemplative music continues)

Actor:
This is the biggest thing
that's ever happened to you.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

That's why it was such a hurry
for me to get over here

and clean up your image.

What's wrong
with my image?

You make it sound like
I've just been named
Leper of the Year.

Well, you know
the mentality of that board,

they're hipped on the idea
of a corporate image,

solid American gentry,
family respectability.

For their top executives,
there are not 10 commandments,
only one:

"Thou shalt be married,
happily and respectably
married."

-Whether you like it or not.
-That's right.

From now on you're gonna
have a new look.

No more gay married bachelor.

It's got to be Carter Harrison,
family man.

Male Chorus:
♪ Maybe I'm right ♪

♪ And maybe I'm wrong ♪

♪ Maybe I'm weak ♪

♪ And maybe I'm strong ♪

♪ But nevertheless ♪

♪ I'm in love... ♪

Griffin: By the late 1950s,

Rock Hudson
had really arrived.

Rock's great popularity
as a matinee idol

poses this significant problem

for his handlers
and studio executives.

On the screen,
he's wooing women

like Jane Wyman
and Piper Laurie

and the fans are really
eating it up.

But he's nearly 30 years old

and he's sort of
suspiciously unmarried.

♪ ...with you ♪

Griffin:
In the days when you
were working with Rock,

the fan magazines
like "Photoplay"
and "Modern Screen"

started to print articles

in which Betty Abbott
was described

as "Rock Hudson's best girl."

Betty Abbott Griffin:
Oh, I know.

We would laugh our heads off.

-(Griffin laughs)
- Abbott Griffin :
I mean, it was publicity.

I mean, we knew
what they were trying to do

and we'd
sit there and laugh it off.

♪ A life of regret... ♪

Hofler: No one cared what
you really did in Hollywood.

It's just as long as you
played along

and you presented a facade
to the public.

So living with another man is
not kind of playing the game.

Playing the game
is getting married.

♪ But nevertheless ♪

♪ I'm in love ♪

♪ With ♪

♪ You ♪

It's about time
you got hitched, isn't it?

No, I...

I have trouble enough
finding oil.

(chuckles)

Griffin:
Enter Phyllis Gates.

Not only is she
Henry Willson's secretary,

but she's really
heaven sent.

It's like direct
from central casting

to play Mrs. Rock Hudson.

In November of 1955,

Rock and Phyllis are married

at the Biltmore Hotel
in Santa Barbara.

The ceremony took place
only eight days

before Hudson's
30th birthday.

And not surprisingly,
Henry Willson,

the omnipresent,
tended to every detail.

Though he does stop short
of joining the newlyweds

when they honeymoon
in the Caribbean.

I tend to believe
that it was arranged,

that Henry Willson paired off
an essentially gay man

and a woman rumored to be bi
or gay herself.

Both participants may have
agreed to play house

in the name of keeping
Hudson's career blazing.

Hofler: Oh, it was totally
engineered by Henry.

You know, and the, the thing
that was such a joke about it

is that Rock didn't look
any further

than his agent's
secretary.

Griffin: In some ways,
Rock is the most
successful creation

of that golden age of
Hollywood,

the last of those
really manufactured stars

where every aspect

of what we think
to be their private life

has been built
by other people.

(crowd cheering)

Hudson:
I like to lean upon
a director,

and if I can't lean on him,
I'm rather lost.

And I am forced to rely
on myself.

And that's not
a comfortable feeling.

(expansive orchestral theme)

Interviewer:
When the opportunity came
for you to work

with George Stevens,
what was your...?

Hudson: Oh, well,
scrape me off the ceiling.

I mean, the thrill
of a lifetime for me.

But it was really
true what everybody said,

make yourself a piece of putty
and put yourself in his hands

and rely on him.

Allison Anders:
George Stevens
is one of those classic

American filmmakers,

and no story I know is
as big as "Giant."

It spans so many decades.

It spans
so many sensibilities.

Just the photography alone
is so magnificent.

I've probably seen "Giant"
hundreds of times.

I lost one friend
I had in this place

and I know it too.

So I quit. I'm dead quit.

Don't have to say
another word to me.

Nobody's firing you, Jett.

Davis:
What kind of memories
do you have of James Dean?

Hudson:
George used Jimmy because
Jimmy was new and hot.

-Davis: Mm-hmm. Yes.
-Hudson: Hot-hot.

I didn't particularly
like him, personally.

-Would you excuse me?
-Davis: Sure.

Hudson: I'm wanna go
get a pack of cigarettes.

(men clamoring)

Griffin:
According to some accounts,

James Dean was
rather disdainful of Hudson.

Dean considered it
hypocritical

that Rock was maintaining
this hetero facade in public

while privately
hitting on Dean,

if we're to believe
the rumor mill.

Some might say that that's
a case of the pot calling
the kettle black.

You know, it's pretty
well documented that
early in his career,

James Dean was kept
by a gay radio executive

who was indeed friends with
Rock's agent, Henry Willson.

If you're talking
about shrouded sexuality,

they weren't
all that different.

Davis:
While we're talking
about James Dean,

I don't know whether
you had anything else
you wanted to...

Hudson:
As I say, I didn't like
the fella too much.

I don't know as
I should say any more.

Uh, Jimmy was dead
before the picture was over.

-Davis: Yes.
-Hudson: I don't like to talk
against anybody.

And I don't like to talk
against the dead.

-Davis: Mm-hmm.
-Hudson: So I think
I should shut up.

-Davis: Yeah, all right. Okay.
-(Rock laughs)

Hudson:
Where do you think you're
going with my automobile?

-(engine stops)
-Just hold on.

Griffin:
Hudson has definite negative
feelings about James Dean,

but those feelings
are sharply contrasted

with how much he loved
and cherished leading lady
Elizabeth Taylor.

I'm a tough Texian.

Anders:
It never ceases to amaze me
about Rock Hudson,

how fully he gives himself

to these heterosexual
romances.

(cattle bellowing)

I mean, that scene when
they wake up on the train,

they've been fucking
from Maryland
all the way, you know,

to Texas, and I believe it!

What's that? A wolf?

No, honey, just
a little old coyote.

(sighs)

(contemplative music)

Griffin: It's no secret that
throughout her whole life,

Elizabeth Taylor
had many close friendships
with gay men.

Echoing her role in "Giant,"
Taylor often gravitated

toward social outcasts
or misfits.

Hudson:
We became close friends.

We are close friends today,

and I think she is
one of the best people.

Griffin: That kind
of loving bond between them,

the soulmate connection,
if you will,

becomes all the more important
later in life.

Anders: George Stevens
had complicated characters

and he cared about
those characters
within society

in a way that's different
from how Sirk did.

Now look here, Sarge.

I'd sure appreciate it
if you were a little more
polite to these people.

Oh, you would, would you?

Anders:
By the end of that movie,

Rock Hudson
is our American hero

because he's inclusive
and he's a feminist,

and then he's got grandkids
that are mixed.

Hudson: Those kids
in their infinite wisdom

are smarter than we are.

Anders:
That's America,
you know, to me.

So he is America.

(lowing)

Sure, even the calf's
got my number.

(cool jazz music)

Narrator:
In Hollywood, a new high
for glamor is reached

as Warner Bros. premieres
George Stevens' production,
"Giant."

Rock Hudson
and his charming wife Phyllis

expressed their happiness
about the brilliant premiere.

-Hey, Sugar!
-Yes?

Here is a guy that's
as big as Texas in "Giant."

-It's such a performance.
-Host: Rock Hudson.

Hello. How are you?
Nice to see you again.

-Nice to see you again.
-I wanna meet your wife. Hello.

So nice to meet you, Phyllis.
You wanna step in here?

I never heard such screams
in my life

as when you
got outta the car tonight.

Davis:
Well, you received

an Academy Award nomination
for the film.

Hudson:
Mm-hmm, so did Jimmy.

Davis:
Is that right? I'd forgotten.

The nominees
for best actor are:

Yul Brynner in
"The King and I,"

Rock Hudson in "Giant,"

James Dean in "Giant,"

Kirk Douglas
in "Lust for life,"

and Sir Laurence Olivier
in "Richard III."

The winner is Yul Brynner.

Anders:
Boy, it is really sad
to me that he lost

because it's such
a tour de force performance.

When do you get
that chance again?

He did not.

(contemplative music)

Lee Garlington:
I wanted to be
a Western movie actor.

So I landed
in Hollywood in 1961

and realized
that I was kind of pretty,

but, uh, what I didn't
realize was

I didn't have any talent.

Fortunately, when I
finally got with Rock,

I realized I really
didn't want to be an actor.

I didn't want any part
of that business.

♪♪

(Stephen Kijak speaking)

(Garlington laughs)

Uh, yes.
I remember very well.

(Kijak chuckles)

Garlington: I got a job
at Universal Studios,

and I wanted to see
what he looked like.

So I went over
beside his cottage,

and he walked out
and walked down the street,

and he turned
and looked back.

And, of course, I was...
whew!

He was incredible.

He made a big splash,
let's put it that way.

And I got a phone call
from someone on his staff.

Did I want to come up
and visit with Rock Hudson?

And...

I wasn't gonna say no.

(cool jazz music)

What is there
to talk about,
my dear husband?

Judith, please.
You're in no condition...

Divorce.
That's what you wanna
talk about, isn't it?

Well, let me tell you
right now,

my gallant, silent
suffering spouse,
you'll never get one!

Our marriage was a mistake.
Yours as well as mine.

Was it? You didn't think
so when you thought I could
make a gentleman out of you.

Well, you married me
and you're going
to stay married to me.

So sneak around
back alleys if that's
the kind of man you are.

I doubt that I
could stop you.

(somber music)

Griffin:
When he was on location

for the epic remake of
"A Farewell to Arms,"

Rock's marriage
to Phyllis began to fall apart.

You're going down to town
tomorrow

and find yourself
some gay young playmate.

-I don't wanna be
with anybody else, I tell you.
-Yes, you do.

Griffin:
Three years
after she exchanged

marriage vows with Rock,

Phyllis files for divorce.

Phyllis complained
that he was always away.

Well, hello.
You're married to
a major movie star

who's shooting films
in exotic locations.

Garlington: She really
took him to the cleaners
when she divorced him.

He lost
practically everything.

He had a sailboat
that was his pride and joy,

and he had to sell that
to pay her off.

And, uh, he was really
angry about that.

Griffin:
In a memoir published
two years after Rock's death,

Phyllis claimed that

she was
entirely duped,

manipulated
into participating

in this sham marriage
with Rock.

And she claims
she had no idea
that Hudson is gay,

which is
really hard to swallow,

given the fact that virtually
every bit player, makeup man,

assistant gofer at Universal,

knew the score
about Rock Hudson.

How did she possibly
miss the memo?

It's just kind of
inconceivable.

(mellow jazz music)

(telephone ringing)

Colonel Farr.

I thought we could
get together,

have a cup
of coffee, maybe,

uh, get acquainted.

We might find we have
a lot in common.

I'm on my way.

Doris Day:
♪ Pillow talk ♪

♪ Pillow talk ♪

♪ Another night
I hear myself ♪

♪ Talk, talk, talk, talk ♪

Look, I don't know
what's bothering you,

but don't take
your bedroom problems
out on me.

I have no bedroom problems.

There's nothing
in my bedroom
that bothers me.

Oh, that's too bad.

"Pillow Talk"
seems very tame now

by comparison with,
um, today's more
explicit standards.

We almost didn't do it
because it was too dirty.

(cool jazz music)

Hudson:
So that's the other end
of your party line.

Hunter:
It was fun and, and,
and it was fluff,

and it was wonderful
to look at, and you laughed.

I'm so sick of seeing
the ugliness.

We all know it's there.

I don't hide my head
in the sand

and say that it's not there.

But I believe that motion
pictures are an escape.

(couple laughing)

Day:
What a marvelous-looking man.

I wonder if he's single.

Hudson:
I don't know how long I can
get away with this act.

(chuckles)

Tom Santopietro:
You know, the deception

is an interesting artifact
of the times.

You have a gay actor
playing a straight man

impersonating
a possibly gay man.

It's a house of mirrors.

Tell me about your job.

Must be very exciting
working with

all them colors
and fabrics and all.

(cool jazz continues)

Maupin:
In those Doris Day movies,

he's always
pretending to be gay

in order to get Doris
into bed.

That's the joke always.

Why can't you get married?

That's the sort
of thing a man

doesn't discuss
with a nice woman.

Maupin:
That was almost a device

to keep anybody from asking
questions about him.

Ye gods,
you've got cold feet!

Complaints,
complaints, nothing
but complaints!

Maupin: It was kind of
an evil gag, actually.

And I hold Ross Hunter
largely responsible for that,

the producer of those films.

I know for a fact
that Ross Hunter was gay.

(dramatic jazz music)

Linus!

What are you doing here?

Where am I?

Why, this is
Jerry Webster's apartment!

Day:
Nothing was ever talked about

as far as his private life.

(groans)

Day:
Many, many people
would ask me,

you know,
"Is Rock Hudson really gay?"

And I said, "It's something
that I will not discuss."

I mean, first of all,
I know nothing
about his private life.

And if I did,
I wouldn't discuss it.

Look at me.

I can't.
I'm too ashamed.

Forget me, Carol.

You deserve a man,
not a mass
of neurotic doubts.

Day: So I can't tell you
one thing about him except
that he is a nice man.

You're tearing
yourself apart!

Mr. Allen.

Let's try to be adult
about this and work out

some sort of schedule
where I can...

Jillson:
It's funny when I see him

smoking in that movie,

it was so him,
because he chain smoked.

It's like he's
not even acting.

(perky jazz music)

Jillson:
Mark and George were

really good friends with me

and my partner, Al Roberts,

and that's how I met Rock.

And we, we just really

hit it off because

I didn't treat him like
a movie star.

I-- We were just cool friends.

Our social life with him
was very private.

I mean, we didn't
go out to restaurants.

We would go to Rock's house.

It was called "The Castle."

It was breathtaking.

It looked like a hacienda.

You just felt so welcome
when you came to that home.

The house was very casual.

It wasn't stiff.
And that's how he was.

He was very, very casual.

And then, of course,
when he'd come to Laguna,
it was really, really fun too.

I think he could breathe
a lot easier in Laguna.

And because Mark
and George had a home here,
he did come down a lot.

The gay beach
was to the left
of the lifeguard tower.

And it was magical
because you could play
volleyball on the beach

and just without a shirt on,

just step up into the bar

on a hot summer Sunday

and have a beer,

and it was very erotic.

Yeah, I mean, like big time.

Yeah.

(relaxing jazz music)

Do you love me,
Mitch?

Like a brother.

I don't want you
as a brother.

Can't be any other way,
Marylee.

Don't... please don't...

waste your life away
waiting for me.

Griffin: You have
the movie magazines

propping up this fantasy

that everyone is straight
and looking for love
and marriage,

while the tabloids
are obsessed
with homosexuals

and trying to dig up
as much dirt as they can.

This, of course, was during
the era of J. Edgar Hoover.

So there's
an obsessive interest
in anything homosexual.

Policy of the department is

that we do not employ
homosexuals knowingly.

And that if we discover
homosexuals in our department,
we discharge them.

Griffin: Given all that was
going on in Rock Hudson's
private life,

it's not surprising
that the FBI was keeping
a close watch.

The lieutenant wants
to ask you some questions.

Like where you've
been spending
your evenings lately,

staying out till three
and four in the morning.

Griffin:
There was this catchphrase

about "Confidential"
magazine:

"They trade in nymphos,
pinkos, winos and homos."

And it's got
a subscription base

of three million
at that point.

It's got a huge readership.

"Confidential" started
to move in on Rock Hudson

and Henry Willson certainly
did not wanna lose

this golden goose.

They say that there
was this tradeoff

where Tab Hunter,
who was indeed

a Henry Willson client,
was offered up

sacrificially

to save Rock Hudson.

"Confidential"
printed a story

about Tab Hunter
being arrested

at what was called
an "all-male pajama party."

That kind of salacious exposé

could wipe out
an entire career.

We being followed?

Probably not,

but the general always
goes on that assumption.

Griffin:
It really is a miracle
that Rock Hudson

never got
caught by the tabloids.

Well, you know,
I never met Rock.

Uh, he died in October of '85,

and I came into Lee's life
in May of '86.

Lee Garlington:
Rock took that photo
in the early '70s.

That's completely
in a different era.

We enjoyed
traveling together.

(Latin jazz music)

He drove the management
at Universal crazy

by taking off, he and I,

without telling them
where he was going.

And they really got upset,

and he just said,
"Screw it, I'm gonna do
what I'm gonna do."

(Latin jazz continues)

We spent some time
in New Orleans

and the Ford Motor Company
lent him

a brand-new convertible.

And we had a blast in that car.

♪♪

We were in Pat O'Brien's

where they have a special
drink, the Hurricane,

and somebody came by
and snapped a picture of us.

Then they offered the picture
for sale, of course,

and we got it because
this was the only picture
of both of us together.

We were ordered
by Henry Willson,

that evil agent of his,

never to have our picture
taken together

because somebody would see it

and know that we were gay.

(Kijak speaking)

Yes, that was a lot
of sneaking around.

We'd drive up to a motel.

I would go in and ask
if there was any rooms.

Paul Garlington:
Did you get, let's say,
two single beds

or one... queen-size bed,
pardon the pun?

Or...

Don't remember.

Uh, but, uh...

it ended up
by being one bed.

(Kijak speaking)

There should have been,
but there wasn't.

There was a part of him
that was very straitlaced

and understanding
of the previous generation.

He never mentioned,
"Gee, wouldn't it be nice

if we could just
hold hands in public?"

He was so inured of, uh...

being closeted

that he never mentioned it.

Forget for a moment
that I'm your doctor

and, uh, let me give you
some advice as a friend.

Marry him.

So, what good was
your noble sacrifice?

If you'd loved him,
you'd have gone to him.

Let's face it, you were
ready for a love affair,

but not for love.

(romantic piano music)

Oh, my darling!
Oh, my darling.

Are you having
another nightmare?

Uh, no, I, I...

Hudson:
I'm sort of, I don't know.

We have to talk about
that thing called image, uh,

whatever that is, uh...

and I sort of represent

a comedy image

in dinner jacket or something,
you know?

It might be a lot of fun
to do a horror story.

I'd love to.

(eerie organ music)

Narrator:
Bold.

Bizarre.

Terrifying.

Rock Hudson, in
an astonishing change of pace,

stars in "Seconds."

Hudson: It's certainly, uh,
a different type of picture

and certainly
a different role for me.

It's almost a horror movie,

certainly a suspenseful movie,

and certainly very dramatic.

Narrator: Rock Hudson as
a man who buys for himself
a totally new life,

a chance to begin again.

Every man's dream
since time began.

Doctor:
Bandages are removed.

I think you'll be
more than pleased.

In fact,
I expect you to be prancing
around here like a stud bull.

Good work.

Griffin: Well, I tend to think
that Rock Hudson understood

that in some ways this film
was reflecting the whole
Hollywood star trip

and how he had been
completely transformed

and marketed for the public.

Uh, that couldn't
have been lost on him.

Anders: There's never a time
that I don't feel at home

in a performance by Rock Hudson
except "Seconds." (laughs)

Doctor:
All right, son.

Anders:
He's so uncomfortable.

There is a real shadow side
here that he's playing.

(inhales sharply)

The years I've spent

trying to get all the things

I was told were important,

that I was supposed to want...

and California was the same.

They...

made the same decisions for me

all over again.

And they were
the same things, really.

Hey, John, why are they
staring at me like that?

They know.

Hudson: (laughing, slurring)
They know what?

John:
They're like you.

(screaming) Oh, Nora!

Douglas: Hudson's performance
is astonishing.

Is Rock Hudson kind of
decoding himself on screen?

Yeah, it certainly
looks like it.

Anders:
It's a weird thing
to make your living

creating characters.

It's weird from my side
of the camera

and it must be even weirder
on the other side

because I think there is
always a sense of like,

"Who am I really?" You know?

(rain falling)

Somewhere in the man,

there is still a key
unturned.

Griffin:
In order to become Rock Hudson,

he really had to destroy
Roy Fitzgerald,

the gay boy with
an inferiority complex
from Winnetka.

But even if millions of fans
are believing the lie,

Roy Fitzgerald still knows
the truth about Rock Hudson.

Wait a minute,
what's happening?

Douglas:
When "Seconds" first
came out, it was trashed.

Nobody wanted to see
Rock Hudson depressed.
(laughs)

Griffin:
What's really sad to me
about Rock's career

is that the audiences

don't like it when
Rock Hudson steps out of,

kind of, the way
that they prefer to see him.

They don't want to see him do
anything radically different.

(Rock screaming)

(somber music)

Hudson:
Being an actor,

there are so many
disappointments
and frustrations,

and you think, "Hell,
what am I doing all this for?

I'm gonna hop the next freight
out of town," or whatever.

You get blue
and you get whatever.

And I think that
because of that,

I think "this too shall pass"
works for me.

Host:
"This too shall pass"
is a great consolation,

I mean, in terms of what,
crises or adverse reviews
or anything?

Yes, anything negative.
Any, you know...

(upbeat jazz music)

Joe Carberry:
I was born in Iowa,

and then I came to
Los Angeles and never left.

Why?

Well, I went
to my first gay bar.

It was in, uh,
Long Beach at a drag bar.

I didn't particularly like
the drag queens,

but I sure liked the fact
that there was somebody
in this world

that was gay besides me .

(jazz music continues)

Kijak:
How did you meet Rock Hudson?

Carberry:
I don't know
what year it was,

but one of my best friends
brought him over for dinner.

We played bridge
all the time.

We, uh, did a lot
of things together.

I took trips with him
and we went skiing.

I watched "Giant" more times
than I care to remember.

(Turner chuckles)

Those were good times
that can't be repeated.

I felt closer to him
than anybody else.

If you say,
"Who's your closest friend?"

I mean, his name
would come out first,
I think.

Tab Hunter was
a good friend of mine,

but he wasn't very social.

He didn't like a crowd,

but it didn't bother Rock.

At that time,
nobody lived openly.

He wanted to.

I ran a hospital laboratory,
you know.

I can walk into any place
and nobody knows who I am,

but he couldn't do
any of that.

Yeah.
That bothered him.

(Kijak speaking)

Well, he had boyfriends.

They were mostly young
and pretty,

and showed huge baskets.

I don't recall him
ever having a very
long relationship

with anybody,

other than friends.

(Kijak speaking)

-Yeah.
-Kijak: Oh, okay.

Rock had a sizable dick,

but he tried to put
that thing up my ass

and I couldn't do it.
(laughs)

(mellow jazz music)

For a while, you had
the whole field to yourself.

-For a while you were the...
-I did?

-Oh, yes.
-Did I?

Oh, yes, yes.
Am I right?

There was only, you know,
Rock Hudson, pant-pant...

-(audience applauding)
-And a lot of "ugs."

You know, the Pacinos
and the strangies were
coming up, and then...

-(laughter)
-Well, you know
what I'm saying.

You don't say my, you know,
"I wanna be on a desert
island with Al Pacino,"

you know, we'll talk,
but, um...

Does it ever upset you
when you're in something
like the "Enquirer"?

Uh, no.
I don't read it, so...

I read it all the time.
You're always in it.

-Am I?
-Yeah.

First, I had asked him
whether the press

had ever really hurt him,
and it was interesting.

He said, "Yes, it was a terrible
review I received in London."

I said, "You mean
that was the worst thing

that the press has
ever done to you, Rock?"

And he said, "Yes,"
and I remember

it was very difficult for me
to face, look into his eyes.

And I said,
"Could you explain to us

what happened between you
and Mr. Jim Nabors?"

Griffin:
In 1971,

a couple of gay guys said,

"Wouldn't it be fun if
we sent out these invitations

"to a fabricated wedding

between Rock
and 'Gomer Pyle'
star Jim Nabors?"

And the tipoff that this
is like an over-the-top
gay Fantasia

is that Truman Capote
would be officiating

and Liberace
would be providing

the musical accompaniment.

And the story starts
to spread like wildfire.

The story
lands on the front page

of the "National Examiner."

Now I've read some pretty
weird things about you

in the fan magazines.

Uh, have you ever filed
a libel suit for anything

that's ever been written
or said about you?
Have you wanted to?

And why didn't you?
I've always wondered.

Because it calls
attention to it
and only makes it worse.

Aside from the McCarthy era
nonsense that went on
in the '50s,

I think that this was
one of the worst stories

that ever emanated
from a community.

He has never done
a bad thing to anyone.

It would be terrific
to say the guy is

"you know what,"
but he is not.

Griffin:
What's funny is tabloids
aren't leaking a story

about one of Rock's
real gay relationships.

They're leaking it
about a completely fabricated

and fantasized one.

-(line ringing)
-Friend: March 1st, 1974.

-Rock, how are you?
-Hudson: I'm fine.

Friend: Haven't talked to you
in a very long time.

Hudson:
I know it. I know it.

-Friend: And you've been busy.
-Hudson: Yeah.

Friend: My friend would like
very much to meet you
one of these days

if you have some free time.

Hudson:
Tell me about him.

Friend :
He works at Paramount
and he's, uh...

-oh, 6'2", I guess,
something like that.
-Hudson: Yeah.

Friend : And he works out,
just an all-round good boy,
you know?

-Hudson: Uh-huh.
-Friend: So I just thought
I'd drop you the note

and see if you
did want to say hello
to him, because, uh...

-Hudson: Yeah. Well...
-Friend: He's just a damn
fun boy, you know?

Hudson:
Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh.

How's the equipment?
(chuckles)

Friend:
Well, the equipment
is about, oh,

about nine inches, I guess.

And he's, he's, uh, very good

-in that department too.
-Hudson: Yeah.

-Friend: When's coming
some free time for you?
-Hudson: Well, most any day.

Friend: Well, my friend,
I'll get on the horn
and give him your number.

-Hudson: Okey-doke.
-Friend:
And nice talking to you.

-Hudson: All right, thank you.
-Friend: Bye-Bye.

(phones click)

Interviewer:
Mr. Maupin, you are, um,

a well-known writer here
in this, uh, Bay Area.

You have written, um, regular
columns for the newspapers.

Your books
have been published.

I guess you'd call yourself
a gay writer.

Maupin:
I'm a writer who is gay.

My ability to write,
for instance,

about a heterosexual romance

increased considerably after
I was willing to acknowledge

the nature
of my romantic involvements.

I met Rock when he came
to San Francisco.

(funky music)

He was up doing something
with "McMillan & Wife:...

(gun firing)

...and he invited
a bunch of us

to come up
to his suite at the hotel.

And at a certain point,
he rose and said,

"I have a little reading
I want to do."

And he read the first chapter
of "Tales of the City"

to the assembled crowd.

It was Mary Ann,
the newcomer in town,

telling her mother
that she was gonna
live in San Francisco.

And her mother freaks out
and says,

"Well, you can't,
but I was just watching

"'McMillan & Wife'
last night,

and the place is running over
with serial killers."

-You all right, Commissioner?
-Yeah, I'm fine.

Is this the gun he used?

Maupin:
That was so bizarre.

You can imagine,
McMillan himself
was reading this to me.

You know, he could have been
a little less drunk

when he read the thing,

but, uh, he was
somewhat slurred,

but it was
Rock Hudson reading my work.

I think he sort of expected it
to charm the pants off of me.

And, uh, it more or less did.

(cool jazz music)

We got up
to the Fairmont Hotel,
the Diplomat Suite,

and Rock led me
into the living room

and we're sort of
at each other right away.

And, uh, every movie
I'd ever seen him in was
playing before my eyes.

You know, I really
was not up to the task.

I think that's
the best way to put it.

In an effort to console me,
he said,

"You know, I'm just
a normal guy like you."

And I said,
"And I'm Doris Day."

(laughs) I saw him
off and on after that

from times he would come
and visit in San Francisco,

or he'd invite me down
to "The Castle,"
as they called it.

And, uh,
the friendship kind of grew

over that period of time.

But I never considered him
boyfriend material

or he me, for that matter.

We were playmates.

And that was fine with me,
just the way that worked.

I had a bee in my bonnet
at the time.

I said, "You need
to come out of the closet,

and I'm the guy that can help
you with that.

I'll know how to do that,
not in a sensationalist way."

And Rock listened.
He was really listening to me.

Um, but... (chuckles)

Tom, his partner at the time,

said,
"Not until my mother dies."

Um... and I thought,
"What an odd thing to say."

If I was fucking Rock Hudson,

I would want my mother
to know immediately. (chuckles)

Oh, it's you!
I, I wasn't sure.

Hiding in closets
isn't going to cure you.

(serene music)

Maupin:
Mark and George and Rock,

and Tom I guess, they were
slightly ridiculous to me.

The pride
they took in hiding.

I felt like I was a member
of a new generation
that wanted to show them,

it doesn't have
to be that way.

(contemplative music)

In the book, I depicted a guy
that was kind of fascinated

by the idea of gay liberation,

but couldn't quite do it
himself.

I tried to capture his
humanity,

his big, sweet, loving heart.

And I think I did.

I often did that, uh,
with "Tales of the City."

I sometimes put
real people into it
with their permission.

I knew he wasn't
gonna give me my permission,

so I just did it
and blanked out the name

in the Victorian tradition.

I'm so glad I did, actually,

because I established
that character in the books

before Rock died,
saying, this person exists,

but he can't show you
who he is

because his life
is shut off in this way.

Hudson:
Hey, Freddy, you're really
gonna love San Francisco.

Yeah?

I want you to know you can
change your mind at any time.

Ah, don't worry
about me, baby.

I've been missing the ring.
I'm ready for a little action.

Masseur:
That about does it,
Commissioner.

Yeah, sure does.

-Thanks.
-You're welcome, sir.

-See you in the shower.
-Freddy: Okay, baby.

(Kijak speaking)

Maley: I probably wasn't
wearing a bathing suit.

(Kijak and Maley laughing)

Maley:
I was working a lot
all through the '70s

in various gay rights issues.

And I was the point person

for international
and national media

who came to San Francisco
to do stories
about gay rights.

Fairly early on in having
met Rock, I suggested that,

"Maybe you'd like to go out
and to a sex club."

"Oh, well, of course."
(laughs)

There was no hesitation.

Like, "Are you sure?
No, I shouldn't--" No.

So there was this place
down on Sixth Street

called The Glory Holes.

And so we go in
and we walk around

and sort of explain
how it all works.

And there was a balcony

that you could go up above

and look out over
the whole enterprise.

You can see all the traffic
around the aisleways.

And so we watched Rock
walk around and go in a booth

and you could hear
this scream,

"Oh, my God,
it's Rock Hudson!"
(laughs)

And it went
all throughout the place.

It obviously didn't bother him
because we didn't leave,

and we stayed,
stayed quite a while.

I think he became so
comfortable
with the dual life,

but I think
that he found a way to be
comfortable with both lives.

-You've gotta
tell them the truth.
-Do you know what'll happen?

I know it'll mean
you'll lose your job

and your customers
and everything, but...

you've got to do that.

Once you start fooling people,
you have to go on

and keep on fooling them
and, and...

you're too nice a guy
to, to, to be a phony

and keep on being a phony.

(sighs)

You know, Hollywood at night
can be a fascinating place,

but Hollywood in the daytime
can be a lot of fun too.

Come on, follow me
and I'll show you what I mean.

(cool jazz music)

Maupin:
Rock had a contact.

Somebody in West Hollywood
that could round up

gorgeous men
at a moment's notice.

Wes Wheadon:
I knew a lot of folks
in the community.

I had a lot of friends.

And so I would
just call up, you know,

whoever I'd get my hands on
that was available

and say, "Here's the deal,
here's the address,

"show up,
it'll be a lovely time,

"and you can have a nice day
swimming and carrying on
with drinks,

and you'd get to meet Rock."

Maley: Then it would just be
chaise lounges

and boys in the pool.

It was clothing optional.

And a lot of 'em, fortunately,
did take the option.

(chuckles)

Maupin: You know, even for
an ordinary gay man like me,

that was an amazing thing
to see

all these beauties
gathered around the pool.

Wheadon:
If you're gonna have a party
with a bunch of young men,

you want to bring up
the eye candy, if you will.

Maley:
It was a lot of beefcake,

and it would last
all afternoon.

Endless, you know,
food and drink,

and Rock sort
of just strolling through.

It was theater.

(upbeat jazz music)

(sign creaking)

(peaceful music)

Kevoian:
In 1976, I was cast in a play
called "John Brown's Body."

It starred Rock Hudson,
Claire Trevor,
and Leif Erickson.

It was a really beautiful mix
of music and dance and vocal.

So that's, you know, that's
how I came to meet Rock Hudson.

Hudson:
Armies of shadows
and the shadow-sound.

Male Chorus:
♪ Captain Ball
was a Yankee slaver ♪

♪ Blow, blow... ♪

He really showed
a lot of people something new,

and it felt good to him
as a performer on stage.

He was really happy.

It was supposed to be
a fabulous big tour,

and we had
a lot of cities set,

but, um, some people started
to cancel the production.

I think the people that
wanted to see Rock Hudson

wanted to see "McMillan"
or "Pillow Talk,"

and the people that wanted
to see "John Brown's Body,"

because it was so lyrical
in its speech,

wanted Laurence Olivier.

(mellow jazz music)

We remained friends
for several years afterwards.

He helped me start
a television career

on the last season
of "McMillan" in 1976

and changed
the trajectory of my life.

Man (on radio):
You got Big Smokey there?

Uh, here beside me.

"Big Smokey"?

That's you, sir.
It's CB talk.

Kevoian:
And he didn't cast me
from a casting couch.

There was only one time
that he ever,

um, asked me to possibly
be intimate.

And I, I chose,
um, the different path.

(chuckles)

I was 23 and a lot cuter.

He was fun
and then he was elegant,

and, you know, I only saw him
pee in the bushes once.

(chuckling)

Hey! What's going on here?

(wolf whistle)

Observe.

Hmmph!

(lyrical music)

McGillin:
I was one of the members
of the last dying gasp

of the studio system,

which was Universal Studios.

I'll never forget this great
head of the talent department.

She's on the phone, "Darling,
are you sitting down?"

And I said,
"Yes, I'm sitting down."

She says, "Rock Hudson,
you're going to be
playing his son."

(upbeat theme playing)

It was a 10-hour
epic mini-series

that they were doing
tons of at that time.

And Rock plays a designer
of automobiles in Detroit.

Dad, I'm telling you,
I can handle this by myself.

I know you can.

I'm proud that
you want to.

McGillin: Even though
you knew the rumors,

you still couldn't
erase the false narrative

of that straight leading man.

That was the message
that was given to all of us

growing up in that time,

young men,
and certainly young men
who aspired to be actors.

For gay men like me,

there was absolutely
zero permission to be gay.

It was just not going
to be allowed.

So I carried that with me.

Well, the time has come.
You've seen the map.

Reagan is our
projected winner.

A sports announcer,
a film actor,

a governor of California.

We have projected
Ronald Reagan the winner.

Did you ever think
a few years ago

that Ronald Reagan,
fellow actor,
would be president?

I mean, is that,
an actor being president?

-No, I, I didn't.
-Pretty amazing, huh?

Yeah, it's terrific,
as a matter of fact.

Lee Garlington:
Well, Rock was a Republican.

I can't believe it,
but he was.

Yeah, but that was a different
generation Republican.

Yes.

Uh, he was a Republican
primarily because

he was friends
with Nancy Reagan.

Apparently pretty
close friends.

But she couldn't get Reagan
to say anything about AIDS

until finally
at one point he gave in.

But that was after...

-That was after he died,
I think, right?
-After he died.

The Centers
for Disease Control

reports that six gay men
in Los Angeles

have fallen ill from a strange
and mysterious pneumonia.

Scientists at the National
Centers for Disease Control
in Atlanta today

released the results
of a study,

which shows that the lifestyle
of some male homosexuals

has triggered an epidemic
of a rare form of cancer.

Reporter:
Researchers are now studying

blood and other
samples from the victims,

trying to learn
what is causing the disease.

So far,
they have had no luck.

Rock, can you believe
the things that are
happening today?

(chuckles) Oh, it's
pretty crazy, all right.

I mean, the way everyone
dresses, the lifestyles,

the, the new morality.

Yeah. Maybe we're
getting old.

Look, Rock, if you
can't say anything
constructive...

-(audience laughs)
-Okay...

I'm getting old.

That's constructive.

(laughter)

Griffin:
When you consider Rock Hudson's
lifestyle choices:

overwork, stress,
chain smoking,

the alcohol intake...

-You wanna smoke
a cigarette?
-Yes.

Why do you wanna
smoke a cigarette?

It's not good for you,
but you can smoke
a cigarette.

-You want a lecture?
-Yeah.

-Okay. You got it.
-I'm thinking of quitting.

-And then you'll do it?
-I have to quit.

Griffin: All of that results
in quintuple bypass surgery

in 1981.

I don't know if I could ask
everybody to let us see
your scar.

-But I don't think that's
the right thing to do.
-(laughing)

You're looking really terrific.
When are you going back
to work?

I think around mid-January.

Dr. Michael Gottlieb:
By 1982,

we saw how devastating

AIDS could be for a person,

how people developed

one infection after another

and kind of just
wasted away,

in front of us.

And it was very frightening.

There was little happening

in the way of
a public response.

There was no money available
to do research.

Jane Pauley:
You are raising the possibility

that people are dismissing it
because it strikes mostly
the gay community?

There is no question in my mind,
if this were happening to you

and the white, straight,
middle-class community,

it would've been
attended to a long time ago.

Gottlieb:
There was all this conservative
religious overtones

in the Reagan administration

where evangelicals
had elected Ronald Reagan

and in his cabinet were people

who essentially said,

"Do nothing."

Griffin:
By this time, Rock
had made a lot of money

working in television.

He was loaded.

But old friends Mark
and George, not so much.

George Nader had glaucoma
and had stopped acting.

So Rock hired Mark Miller
to be his personal secretary.

That not only rescued
Nader and Miller financially,

but it would also guarantee
that his closest friends
would remain close.

And of course,
through all of this, Nader
is keeping his diaries,

which are
a veritable gold mine

of eyewitness accounts.

Voiceover as Nader:
Thursday, May 31st, 1984.

Mark called at 7 a.m.

Something seriously wrong!

Nancy Reagan sent photos
from the dinner party

with a note saying that
Rock must have that pimple

on his neck checked.

It showed up in the photos.

Otherwise, the photos
are great of Nancy, Ronnie,

and Rock at the dinner.

Rock back to Beverly Hills.

Mark insisted that Rock

go to see the doctor
immediately.

He agreed.
Mark made an appointment.

Let me begin with the latest
figures from Los Angeles County.

Today they show
56 new cases of AIDS

diagnosed here
locally last month.

That brings the national total
now to about 10,000 cases

cases of AIDS.

Voiceover as Nader:
Tuesday, June 5th, 1984.

Mark called and asked me
to note the time and date

of all of the following:

At 2:25 p.m., driving Rock
home from the doctor's,

he was told by Rock
that Rock has AIDS
and possible cancer.

A lymph gland in his neck
had just been removed.

Around 6:30 p.m.-ish,

I dialed Rock
at The Castle and said,

if there was anything at all,
let me know.

He said,
the only thing was silence.

I said, "Of course,"
and thought,

"Who in the hell
am I gonna call
and talk about it to?'"

Interviewer:
Are you the big macho type
that nothing's gonna get?

No, not at all.
Not at all.

I am, I have, like everybody
else, weaknesses and strengths.

But...

one of the strengths,
I suppose, perhaps stupidly so,

is that I will not be sick.

I will not be dependent
upon anybody else,

and I simply won't have it.

Gottlieb:
In 1984,

I was asked to see

a celebrity patient,

Rock Hudson,
and determined in fact
that he did have AIDS.

I guided him as best I could
and sent him to France

to participate
in a clinical trial
of an antiviral drug.

Most people are born gulls
and judge a man by his dress.

We live in a world
of phantasmagoria,

false forms and false faces.

Each man wears a mask
against his fellows.

Well, have you nothing
to say?

Aye, gimme a light.

Esther Shapiro:
Rock Hudson was
in a different league.

I always liked him.

He seemed to fulfill
all the dreams that,
you know,

I would have for a star.

When the time came to find

a person to play
opposite Linda Evans,

I thought about Rock Hudson.

So I and my publicist,
we flew to Paris to meet him.

I hadn't seen him
for a few years.

He might have been
five pounds thinner,
I don't know.

But he seemed incredible.

When he turns on that smile,
it's unbelievable.

He met us
and I had the script.

I just wanted him to read
the script and say yes.

And then he said, "Well,
why don't we have dinner?"
So I said, "Okay."

So we went with him,

and it was
the most marvelous night.

He was so energetic
and he went from restaurant

to bar to restaurant.

He kept drinking
more and more vodka

and he got bawdier
and bawdier.

And I thought, "Oh, my God,
is this ever gonna end?"

He held out that whole night.

I mean, you have no idea
what it was like.

And at 2:30 in the morning,
he said,

"I read the script
and I loved it
and I will do it."

Reporter: This winter
finds Hudson on location
with ABC's "Dynasty."

You've said before
that you really didn't have
any interest

in coming back to doing
series television.

What did "Dynasty" offer
that made you reconsider that?

Well, I'm not on every week,

and, uh, uh...

it's a good show, obviously.

I mean, it's, uh, very popular
all over the world,

so why not to do
six or so shows?

Reporter: So,
for six or so shows, nobody's
saying exactly how many,

Rock Hudson is playing
the role of Daniel Reece,

a sophisticated horse breeder
with romantic designs

on Krystle Carrington.

I think he's a divine actor.

He's wonderfully romantic.

He's a lovely man.

Well, they told us they had

some superstars they were
gonna have on the show,

which we thought, great,
this is fun. (laughs)

I, of course, was thrilled

because I did
a "McMillan & Wife."

Aquarius.
How do you do, Commissioner?

Nicole, what a lovely name.

Linda Evans:
And I thought, how fantastic

to be able to work
with him again.

But he was so much thinner

and didn't look like
he felt good.

I think he even said
he'd been traveling a lot

and he inferred that,
you know,

"We've all been
away on a trip

and caught something
somewhere."

So I went, "Oh, you know,
life does that to us."

And, uh, that's about as much
as I thought about it.

Voiceover as Nader:
Wednesday,
December 19th, 1984.

"Dynasty." Rock's debut.

Merry Christmas, Krystie,
it's good to see you.

Voiceover as Nader:
Did well, but looked bad,

very bad
in a couple of shots.

I'm here to return this.

How dare you come
back into my life
after what you did.

Voiceover as Nader:
Cameraman could have helped
more with lighting,

I think,
but perhaps no time.

Tuesday, February 5th, 1985.

Tonight "Dynasty,"

and we get to watch Rock
give Linda Evans a dose

of some virus
in a kissing scene.

I will tape
the fateful footage,

if not too frozen in horror,

akin to watching someone
receive a possible
lethal injection.

You look more frightened
than I was...

Voiceover as Nader:
Morally, how guilty are we

for not having said something
to someone, anyone?

Rock returned from work
the day they shot
the kiss scene

and said to Mark,
"This has been
the worst day of my life.

"I used every possible type
of mouthwash known to man.

An awful day.'

He also said,
"I kept my mouth closed
and so did she."

Evans:
When we had that scene
we had to do with the kiss,

that was a pivotal moment.

We showed up that day
and shot that scene

and it didn't turn out
like they wanted.

Nobody quite knew what to do.

I mean, I knew he could
deliver that kiss.

It's not up to me
to say anything.

And I let
the director handle it,

and we did it over
and we did it over.

And he did it consistently.

(Evans weeping off-screen)

It makes me cry because
I know he was protecting me.

I mean, I didn't know that
at the time.

I was confused at the time.

But in thinking back,

part of the reason
that I get so upset

is that he was doing
everything he could do

to make it all right
for me, in case.

'Cause nobody knew
in those days about that.

Touches my heart.

Even now,
when I think about it.

Voiceover as Nader:
Saturday, April 6th, 1985.

The three of us drove
through Joshua Tree

where Rock
had never been before.

On the way there,
the old song
"Mockin' Bird Hill" came on.

♪ Tra-la-la
twittle-dee-dee-dee,
it gives me... ♪

Voiceover as Nader:
We all roared with laughter.

Thirty years before,
the song had been
our favorite,

and we sang it in unison
with the singer on the radio.

♪ Tra-la-la
twittle-dee-dee-dee ♪

♪ There's peace
and goodwill ♪

♪ You're welcome
as the flowers ♪

♪ On Mockin' Bird Hill... ♪

Voiceover as Nader:
By the time we finished
the song,

we were all in tears.

Mark and I knew for sure

Rock had come
down to the desert
on Easter to say goodbye.

Even if we see him again,
this is still it.

A farewell.

♪ song ends ♪

(telephone rings)

Hello.

I love my roses!

Well, hiya.

I am thrilled that you
are gonna do my show.

-I am too.
-You're my first guest.

-Is that right?
-Very first one.

'Cause you're
a very special guest.

Well, I am delighted
about that.

Maley:
The public started seeing

a major decline
in his appearance.

That's when we began
to understand what it was.

Even we thought it was AIDS.

All right,
how did you know?

I saw his hand.

-What did you see?
-The beginning of a lesion.

Discoloration.
Softness of tissue.

That could
have been anything--
yaws, psoriasis,

the beginning of any
ordinary skin rash.

What made you
so certain?

I just knew, that's all.

-You mean you guessed.
-No, I knew.

Hmm.

Voiceover as Nader:
Thursday, July 18th, 1985.

Rock exhausted
and really downhill
and a mess.

"He looks awful," Mark says.

Mark broached
subject of Paris,

got Rock to listen.

Rock heaved a sigh and said,

"Well, okay,
I guess I'd better
go back over there."

Reporter:
Just what is wrong
with Rock Hudson?

Tonight,
the 59-year-old actor

remains in a Paris hospital
undergoing tests,

but the nature of his illness
has become clouded

in mystery and confusion.

Yesterday, it was reported
that Hudson

had liver cancer
and possibly AIDS,

but today the hospital
denied the cancer story

and said nothing
about the AIDS rumor.

A spokesman just said
Hudson was tired.

Maupin: At that point,
I don't know what degree

Rock was actually
making decisions,

but Ross Hunter
was still saying

Rock had anorexia
and a lot of feeble excuses.

(siren wailing)

Griffin:
After collapsing at the Ritz,

Hudson is rushed to
the American Hospital
of Paris.

And at that point,
it's determined

that Hudson could be
better cared for

at a nearby
military hospital.

So Rock's publicist,
Dale Olson,
sends a telegram

to Reagan's press secretary,

in which he explains
that time is running out
for Rock.

And Percy Hospital
will not admit him

because Hudson isn't
a French citizen.

Would the White House
be willing to intervene?

Nancy Reagan declines.

You know, I think
that non-responsiveness

to the personal plea
from the publicist

encapsulates the entire
Reagan administration's

non-responsiveness
to the epidemic.

Man: His hands
will be stained forever
with innocent blood.

(breaks glass)

(Reporter speaking)

Nothing. He looks wonderful,
I must say.

-Reporter: Did he talk to you?
-Yes, he did.

-Reporter: What did he say?
-He said, "How are you?"

I said, "I'm fine."
(laughs)

Voiceover as Nader:
Thursday, July 25th, 1985.

Big day in Paris, France.

The orchestrated ruination
of Rock Hudson's life.

(somber music)

Yanou Collart:
I was sent to his room

to read the statement
and have his approval.

And that's one of
the weirdest things
I did in my life,

because I know that if Rock
would've been strong enough

to decide not to tell
the world that he had AIDS,
he would do it.

He looked at my eyes and,
uh, he say,

"That's what they want,
Yanou.

Go and give that
to the dogs."

Mr. Rock Hudson has Acquired

Immunodeficiency Syndrome...

(camera shutters clicking)

...which was diagnosed

over a year ago

in the United States.

Voiceover as Nader:
Mark watched
and listened from a lounge

and sobbed all the way
through Yanou's statement.

When it was over,
he went up and told Rock.

Rock said, "God, what a way
to end a life."

Hudson:
Is this what you call news?

You know what I call it?

I call it the dead facts.

The dead facts
strung together

by a deaf-dumb-blind
editor!

Reporter 1:
After three days of confusion

at the American Hospital
in Paris,

a spokesperson
for Rock Hudson...

...American actor
Rock Hudson...

Reporter 2:
...American Hospital
in Paris, France,

for treatment of
an inoperable liver cancer...

I've got the story.
I've got it in my aching heart,

and you want to know
how I got it?

By crawling through
dirt and filth

and muck and smut.

By finding truth and beauty

where you'd
never expect to find it.

Another case of AIDS
has been confirmed,

affecting the most
well-known victim yet.

He forsook all
earthbound vanities,

home, family and love.

Why?

Because deep down he knew

that a man without blood
in his veins

has got to fall down
sooner or later.

Actor Rock Hudson has AIDS,

Acquired
Immunodeficiency Syndrome.

I feel empty.

Dead.

I just feel dirty.

I feel unclean.

Filthy business we're in.

Time will wash it clean.

Who knows how much time
there is left?

McGillin:
I do remember, uh, when
I first came to New York,

I was walking through
Greenwich Village

and I passed a newsstand
and the headline said,

"Rock Hudson has AIDS."

And it... I absolutely,
I stopped breathing.

I will never, ever,
ever forget that moment

of just, this can't be.

It was everything
kind of wrapped up in one.

It was Hollywood and the closet

and the fact that Rock

had lived his life not able

to express who he was.

And it had come to that.

It scared
the shit out of me.

It made me terrified

of contemplating
being out in the gay world,

and, um, that, I think,
delayed my coming out.

Announcer:
What's the shocking reason

Rock Hudson
hid his tragic illness?

Why has the news terrified
his "Dynasty" costars?

-Inquiring minds want to know.
-I want to know.

Evans:
There were, to my shock,

people on the set

who wouldn't come into
the makeup room
when I was there.

There were people

who wouldn't work with me,

and so they had
to change scenes

because I might have AIDS.

I had personal friends

who wouldn't come over
to dinner.

I mean,
people went into fear.

Tremendous fear.

I was never afraid
I would have AIDS,

no matter what they printed,
what science they told me.

I thought, "Where's
your humanity or where's
your compassion?

You know, what's wrong
with this world right now?"

(frightful fanfare)

(masked figure laughing)

(crowd laughing, blowing horns)

Collart:
The moment it was announced

that Rock had AIDS,

the hospital had only
one concern:

get him out of the hospital.

They didn't want to have
any connection,
the hospital, with AIDS.

It was terrible, you know.

The only concern was,
"He must go out of here."

And I start
to call the airline

to book to fly back to LA.

And as soon I was giving
the name of the traveler,

the answer was, "We don't
take AIDS people on board."

And that's why
I had to rent a plane,

a 747, for $250,000.

It was his money,
and it was the only way
to bring him back home.

I was made so aware
of the silence,

this huge, loud silence
regarding AIDS,

how no one
wanted to talk about it,

no one wanted
to become involved.

Uh, certainly no one wanted
to give money or support.

And it so angered me that
I finally thought to myself,

"Bitch, do something yourself."

Bill Misenhimer:
I started work with Elizabeth
in June of 1985

for the Commitment
to Life event.

When Rock Hudson
announced his illness,

the demand for tickets

skyrocketed.

He made

an incredible difference

in our ability to raise money.

Reporter:
Once his condition
became public,

the Hollywood community
rallied around
one of their own

and they turned out
for a benefit to raise money

with which to combat AIDS.

A personal message
from Hudson was read

by actor Burt Lancaster.

"I'm not happy
that I have AIDS,

"but if that is
helping others,

"I can at least know
that my own misfortune

has had some positive worth."

Reporter: Just last week,
Hudson himself contributed

$250,000 of his own money

to start a new foundation
for AIDS research.

Misenhimer: It's tragic
when anybody gets sick,

but his announcement was

the most profound thing

that had happened
at that point.

He put a face to it.

He made
a lot of people realize

that anybody could get this.

It helped destigmatize
a disease.

It's hard to say

that he saved anyone
because no one was saved.

Everybody died.

I'll tell you one thing
Rock Hudson's announcement
did do,

it gave people hope.

Because they were hopeless.

(peaceful flute music)

Garlington:
He got the diagnosis.

I was totally shocked.

Famous people don't get sick,

uh, in my world of fantasy.

♪♪

I called up there and said,

"I want to come see Rock
before he passes."

And I was told, uh,

"Rock is not capable
of knowing who you are

"and you are better
remembering him

in a better time."

And in a sense, that was true.

(contemplative music continues)

So I did not go see him,
uh...

And I wish I had.

I feel very guilty
for not going up

and holding his hand
one last time.

What is it you think
we saw, Captain?

The face of the devil?
A lost soul? The sinner?

That's the word,
isn't it?

No, I didn't mean that.

Why not?

Let's call a sinner
a sinner.

We're all sinners,
aren't we, Captain?

Sinner or saint,
isn't that the choice?

Reporter:
AIDS is primarily a disease

associated with homosexuals.

Talk of Hudson's lifestyle

has surfaced.

Hollywood columnist
Rona Barrett.

At no time did Rock Hudson

ever flaunt his alleged
homosexuality.

♪♪

Maupin:
Rock was going

to die of AIDS, and then

the story would be told,

and I didn't want it

to be told
in the way that the...

the people in Hollywood
wanted it told.

So they think
I'm a traitor.

I told you I'd be
better off dead.

No man is better off dead,
my friend.

Maupin:
They needed someone
to say that he was gay.

Nobody would say he was gay,

which was interpreted

at the time,
amongst gay men,

as a sign of loyalty
to someone.

But it wasn't for me.

I had to make the decision
at that point in my life.

Uh, I'm supposed
to tell the truth about this.

So I did
an interview saying,

"Of course, he was gay.

"Everybody in Hollywood
knew it

"and it has to be said.

And he was a lovely guy."

I stressed that.

"And anybody who acts
shocked by this

"should just
get over themselves

"because many, many people
have died already

who were lovely guys."

Everybody had to learn
at that point in history.

People had to learn how
to behave about this subject.

Like grownups, you know.

This lamp isn't working now.

It's cold and it's dark.

All the parts are there.

It's a perfect light, but...

It's just not turned on.

Right. But if I turn the switch
and establish contact,

the bulb will draw power
from the powerhouse
down at the dam

and it'll do what it was meant
to do, which is to make light.

All right, so you're saying
that people have a sort
of powerhouse too.

Right. And when you establish
contact with that,

you can do
what you're meant to do.

You can fulfill your destiny.

The knowledge that this man,
this beautiful, handsome man

that everyone had loved,
had AIDS,

changed things completely.

It's when I approached him
about coming out, uh,

six or seven years earlier,

I said, "You'll make
a difference in how people
perceive gay people."

Well, goodbye,
and thanks for everything.

(somber music)

(door closes)

♪♪

Robert MacNeil:
Actor Rock Hudson
died today at age 59

after a year's struggle
against AIDS disease.

His staff said he passed away
peacefully in his sleep

at his home in Beverly Hills.

So he's dead.

Yes, we tried everything.

(soft, indistinct chatter)

It's just a very sad day.

Hudson:
Don't be afraid.

Think of life
as a shadowy place,

crowded with people
who can't see
each other very well.

-Don't block this.
Get outta here.
-Hunter: Get outta here.

Get outta here.
What kind of people are you?

Don't you have family
that you love?

Would you like this to happen
to them or to you?
Get outta here.

Hudson:
Think also of a door,
just beyond.

When that door opens...

we pass through

into a wonderful brightness.

Reporter:
When did he go, roughly?

Early this morning.

I'd say about 8:30,
9 o'clock.

I've gotta go.
Please let me go.

Just a gentle step
from darkness to light.

From darkness to light.

Reporter:
Have you anything
to say for the fans?

Just that he was
the best friend
I ever had in the world

and we sort of grew up
in this business together.

He... I can't.

Reporter:
Oh, it's very important, sir.

And the wind came
from the wilderness...

and it carried me where man
can never reach alone.

(somber violin music)

Jillson:
We lost a lot of friends.

I would say 150,

200, um, friends.

It was horrifying.

Carberry:
Oh, it was terrible.

All we did do is go
to funerals and fundraisers.

Reporter:
Government funding
of AIDS research

has increased $70 million

in the year
since Hudson's death

and private fundraising
for all AIDS organizations

has tripled.

Kevoian: His passing was
incredibly profound for me.

And when I got home to LA,

I went to the Gay Men's
Health Clinic

and I tested positive.

I was alone

and scared

and didn't know
how to process it,

in 1985 when everybody,

all of my peers, you know,

people were passing constantly,

and of course I felt like
I was going to pass as well.

But I started
to live my life in a way

that I would say...

live life as fully
as possible.

And I don't know how
I survived or why I've survived.

And I keep asking God
every day, you know,

what do you want me to do?

What, what is there left
for me to do before I leave?

And I'm waiting to find out.

♪♪

Interviewer:
Is there anything you fear
in this life at all?

(laughing)
Or the next one, I suppose?

I don't think so.

I used to, but I don't anymore.

And it's a very comforting
feeling to not be afraid.

He died the death of a hero

and he deserves our tears.

So throw the dirt gently
into his grave.

Take off your hat,

bow your head...

and read kindly his epitaph.

(contemplative music)

Reporter 1: He was seen
as the All-American boy.

When the All-American boy
gets AIDS,

it's really changed
a lot of people's attitudes.

Reporter 2: When he died,
longtime friend
Elizabeth Taylor prayed

that he had not died in vain.

Elizabeth Taylor:
Art lives on forever.

Unless we find
a cure for AIDS,

there will be no forever.

And we will find it.

We will find it together.

Maupin: He pretty much
did change the course
of history around AIDS.

He didn't intentionally
do it,

but there was no other star
that made that kind
of impact before.

There hasn't been
one since, really.

♪♪

Actress:
It is beyond your power
to change the face of destiny.

Outside this place,
there's a great evil.

Men speak of hatred
and sharpen the knives.

I will make you well

and perhaps your life
will find a new sweetness.

Actor:
You don't have to prove
anything anymore.

You are accepted.

You will be in your own
new dimension.

♪♪

Hudson:
You'll have to go on
asking yourself,

what's your dream?

What's your dream today?

There's an old saying:

"Nobody really dies
till he's forgotten."

♪ Barry McGuire
playing "So Long, Stay Well" ♪

♪ Little boy, go ride
the pale horse in the park ♪

♪ Count
the golden butterflies ♪

♪ Stay out till dark ♪

♪ Never mind the grownups
who sing their old song ♪

♪ So long ♪

♪ Stay well ♪

♪ Love was here ♪

♪ And gone ♪

♪ Little boy, you're older,
keep life while you can ♪

♪ Happy days and holidays
so soon escape man ♪

♪ Soon you'll be a grownup
and sing your own song ♪

♪ So long ♪

♪ Stay well ♪

♪ Love was here ♪

♪ And gone ♪

♪ Some other autumn
will right all the wrongs ♪

♪ So long ♪

♪ Stay well ♪

♪ Love was here ♪

♪ And gone ♪

♪♪