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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,042 --> 00:00:18,084 - JERBOA MOUSE: La Biennale Di Venezia presents 2 00:00:20,084 --> 00:00:22,042 Mickey House with Mummy. 3 00:00:24,084 --> 00:00:25,876 And me, a movie star, 4 00:00:27,292 --> 00:00:29,834 a celeb with mucho problemos. 5 00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:28,501 What an eye opener, what an honour. 6 00:01:28,792 --> 00:01:32,042 You're out of your depths, you're in way over your head. 7 00:01:32,334 --> 00:01:35,251 Here's the deal, I advise, I assist, 8 00:01:35,542 --> 00:01:38,376 you fuck off, you listen to me, 9 00:01:38,667 --> 00:01:41,584 listen to me, you listen to me, run! 10 00:01:44,584 --> 00:01:47,001 Don't eat me, no, no, no, no. 11 00:01:47,292 --> 00:01:49,334 [SCREAMS] 12 00:01:58,376 --> 00:02:00,542 [SCREAMS] 13 00:02:11,084 --> 00:02:13,376 [SCREAMING] 14 00:02:27,001 --> 00:02:29,792 [DRAMATIC MUSIC] 15 00:03:15,042 --> 00:03:18,626 The film from Kuba Czekaj and friends. 16 00:03:18,917 --> 00:03:20,626 Produced by Balapolis. 17 00:03:22,292 --> 00:03:23,084 Baby Bump. 18 00:04:20,167 --> 00:04:22,417 [LAUGHING] 19 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,709 Where have your tickles got to? 20 00:04:38,042 --> 00:04:39,501 I'm not ticklish. 21 00:04:43,459 --> 00:04:45,001 Since when? 22 00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:54,001 When? 23 00:04:58,042 --> 00:04:59,959 When? When? 24 00:05:04,709 --> 00:05:05,917 Nice? 25 00:05:13,126 --> 00:05:14,126 Neatly squared away. 26 00:05:14,417 --> 00:05:15,917 Like three cubes of sugar. 27 00:05:16,792 --> 00:05:17,459 Once, two, three. 28 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,209 Is that so hard to remember? 29 00:05:21,084 --> 00:05:22,542 Once, two, three. 30 00:05:22,834 --> 00:05:26,917 Once, two, three. 31 00:05:27,626 --> 00:05:29,626 My little sugar lump. 32 00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:34,834 Mine, mine, mine. 33 00:05:35,876 --> 00:05:37,876 You're all mine. 34 00:05:39,417 --> 00:05:41,792 - JERBOA MOUSE: Applaud. 35 00:05:42,084 --> 00:05:42,751 Applaud. 36 00:05:45,042 --> 00:05:47,251 Now, come on, come on, 37 00:05:47,542 --> 00:05:48,376 do as I say. 38 00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,167 Do it. 39 00:05:55,709 --> 00:05:57,709 [CLAPS] 40 00:06:19,126 --> 00:06:20,751 - TV ANNOUNCER: Its time to begin another unique 41 00:06:21,042 --> 00:06:25,292 and happy days work with Beauty Bella Online Shopping. 42 00:06:25,584 --> 00:06:28,876 Retail therapy where you shop and never drop. 43 00:06:29,167 --> 00:06:31,876 Watch our sincere and heartfelt welcome video. 44 00:06:32,167 --> 00:06:35,126 After that, you'll be redirected to our breathtakingly, 45 00:06:35,417 --> 00:06:36,667 stunning adverts. 46 00:06:37,876 --> 00:06:39,251 Are you ready for this? 47 00:06:39,542 --> 00:06:42,459 Relax, take a deep breath and open yourself, 48 00:06:42,751 --> 00:06:44,209 mind and body. 49 00:06:44,501 --> 00:06:46,251 Be spontaneous, be emotional, 50 00:06:46,542 --> 00:06:48,251 watch, evaluate and then. 51 00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,459 - JERBOA MOUSE: Well, you could come up with a greeting, 52 00:06:50,751 --> 00:06:51,667 couldn't you? 53 00:06:53,376 --> 00:06:55,501 You know, shake hands, give me five, 54 00:06:55,792 --> 00:06:58,334 hi, how's tricks, how you doing? 55 00:06:59,709 --> 00:07:01,251 I come to your rescue, come to help you out 56 00:07:01,542 --> 00:07:02,917 and what do I get? 57 00:07:09,209 --> 00:07:10,042 Well? 58 00:07:12,084 --> 00:07:12,834 What? 59 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:14,626 - Hi? 60 00:07:22,292 --> 00:07:23,834 - TV PRESENTER: No more slashed fingers 61 00:07:24,126 --> 00:07:25,834 and whatever you need to cut, our electric knife 62 00:07:26,126 --> 00:07:29,376 will slice through it for you in a flash. 63 00:07:29,667 --> 00:07:31,626 Pure beauty is the very essence of innocence 64 00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:33,209 and virginity. 65 00:07:33,501 --> 00:07:35,084 As the droplets fall to the ground, 66 00:07:35,376 --> 00:07:39,542 they never come into contact with the soil, never. 67 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:43,542 Has a positive impact on our wellbeing. 68 00:07:43,834 --> 00:07:45,876 [CHEWING] 69 00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:52,292 But is simply thinking about a bar of chocolate enough? 70 00:07:52,584 --> 00:07:54,751 - JERBOA MOUSE: Three threes are nine. 71 00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:57,126 Nine sweet lumps for Mummy. 72 00:07:59,292 --> 00:08:01,626 - TV PRESENTER: Choose our vagina cream with its appealing. 73 00:08:01,917 --> 00:08:02,959 - JERBOA MOUSE: Do what you have to do 74 00:08:03,251 --> 00:08:04,834 and take it into her. 75 00:08:06,667 --> 00:08:09,001 [WHISTLING] 76 00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:26,667 [SNIFFING] 77 00:08:26,959 --> 00:08:30,667 They're still visible, they're still visible. 78 00:08:41,167 --> 00:08:42,292 - TV PRESENTER: There's no more efficient way 79 00:08:42,584 --> 00:08:45,126 of giving rid of that unwanted hair. 80 00:08:45,417 --> 00:08:47,167 - JERBOA MOUSE: Cool, got up late, 81 00:08:47,459 --> 00:08:50,126 you're exactly who you want to be. 82 00:08:50,417 --> 00:08:51,084 Nobody. 83 00:08:56,542 --> 00:08:59,334 You have to cut, cut away, sever. 84 00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:08,626 Concentrate, concentrate on yourself. 85 00:09:23,417 --> 00:09:25,334 Cut, cut off, cut away. 86 00:09:26,417 --> 00:09:29,001 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 87 00:10:33,917 --> 00:10:35,626 What're you doing? 88 00:10:36,917 --> 00:10:40,167 Umm... standing here... And having a drink. 89 00:10:41,126 --> 00:10:42,959 So drink! Drink, drink, drink! 90 00:10:45,917 --> 00:10:47,126 I like you. I'll show you my tits. 91 00:10:47,417 --> 00:10:49,459 You can have a look. But it'll cost you marshmallows. 92 00:10:49,751 --> 00:10:51,042 And no grabbing. 93 00:10:53,126 --> 00:10:53,959 [FARTS] 94 00:10:54,251 --> 00:10:57,459 Gotta go pooh. No wiping. See ya'. Sayonara. 95 00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:00,251 - Get a whiff of that. 96 00:11:00,542 --> 00:11:01,376 Is that the gas from a mouse 97 00:11:01,667 --> 00:11:04,251 or is the crap from the crappy crap house? 98 00:11:04,542 --> 00:11:06,834 No its Mickey House, he's a sticky louse, 99 00:11:07,126 --> 00:11:09,417 he never ever ever leaves the house. 100 00:11:09,709 --> 00:11:11,876 Mickey House is such a bad mouse. 101 00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:13,042 Get right away from us, 102 00:11:13,334 --> 00:11:15,417 sticky Mickey House mouse. 103 00:11:21,834 --> 00:11:23,584 - JERBOA MOUSE: And. 104 00:11:34,334 --> 00:11:37,251 And that's supposed to be a pleasure? 105 00:11:37,542 --> 00:11:38,167 Girls. 106 00:11:41,417 --> 00:11:43,876 [BELL RINGS] 107 00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:50,334 [BEEPING] 108 00:11:52,792 --> 00:11:55,667 - Move. - Move forward. 109 00:11:56,959 --> 00:11:59,084 [BEEPING] 110 00:12:00,042 --> 00:12:01,501 What's going on? 111 00:12:03,417 --> 00:12:05,417 I haven't got anything! Really. 112 00:12:07,292 --> 00:12:09,667 Look. 113 00:12:13,417 --> 00:12:16,042 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 114 00:12:26,084 --> 00:12:28,167 - JERBOA MOUSE: Just don't cry, that's all. 115 00:12:28,459 --> 00:12:32,084 Cross your eyes cause they'll see through you. 116 00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:35,834 They'll see how rotten and filthy you are. 117 00:12:44,709 --> 00:12:47,876 Run for it Mickey, your clients are waiting. 118 00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:50,042 Stinks like fuck. 119 00:12:52,917 --> 00:12:54,626 - JERBOA MOUSE: Run. 120 00:13:16,626 --> 00:13:20,459 Give her a big smile, you know you can do it. 121 00:13:47,042 --> 00:13:49,542 [BEAT BOXING] 122 00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:58,834 - Give a whiff of that, is that a gas from a mouse? 123 00:14:00,876 --> 00:14:04,959 - Or is it that crap from the crappy crap house? 124 00:14:07,084 --> 00:14:10,126 - No, it's Mickey House, he's a stinky louse, 125 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:12,959 he never ever ever leaves the house. 126 00:14:13,251 --> 00:14:15,709 Mickey Mouse, he's Jerboa Mouse, 127 00:14:16,001 --> 00:14:20,126 get right away from us, sticky Mickey House mouse. 128 00:14:22,376 --> 00:14:24,042 What's new with you mummy? 129 00:14:24,376 --> 00:14:26,376 She's a hot bitch, ain't she? 130 00:14:29,792 --> 00:14:31,209 I don't know. 131 00:14:32,084 --> 00:14:33,584 You don't know? 132 00:14:34,626 --> 00:14:35,876 But I do. 133 00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:37,626 Your ma's a red-hot mama. 134 00:14:39,501 --> 00:14:41,001 I'd give her one. 135 00:14:46,959 --> 00:14:48,959 - Massage! - Fuck off! 136 00:14:53,751 --> 00:14:55,751 My fingers are hurting. 137 00:14:58,459 --> 00:15:00,459 Hey! See how my skin's all dry. 138 00:15:00,751 --> 00:15:04,459 Haven't you got any oil? Or, I dunno... gloves with a fleecy lining? 139 00:15:04,751 --> 00:15:07,334 Have you lost the fucking plot? That's scalding! 140 00:15:10,001 --> 00:15:11,792 You got it? 141 00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:18,792 Tomorrow. 142 00:15:19,792 --> 00:15:21,626 What d'you mean, tomorrow? 143 00:15:22,042 --> 00:15:23,792 Today. 144 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:29,459 Today and I'll have it tomorrow. I'm working on it. 145 00:15:33,417 --> 00:15:35,417 Fucking ace. 146 00:15:36,126 --> 00:15:38,167 And what if the pigs know more than they're saying? 147 00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:39,709 What about? 148 00:15:40,001 --> 00:15:41,167 Watch it. 149 00:15:41,459 --> 00:15:44,792 That I've got some fucking residue between my fingers. And blisters. 150 00:15:45,167 --> 00:15:48,167 You morons even fucking know what blisters are? 151 00:15:49,917 --> 00:15:51,959 The pigs just make like they know something. 152 00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:53,917 They don't know dick. 153 00:15:54,459 --> 00:15:55,542 Lie down. 154 00:15:55,834 --> 00:15:57,876 - JERBOA MOUSE: Lie down. 155 00:16:01,376 --> 00:16:04,667 He won't do anything to you, just lie there awhile 156 00:16:04,959 --> 00:16:08,084 and they'll be gone before you know it. 157 00:16:12,417 --> 00:16:14,876 Leave him be. He's an eco-hero. 158 00:16:15,376 --> 00:16:18,292 Saved half the school. Eats eco-lettuce, eco-cabbage and eco-carrots 159 00:16:18,709 --> 00:16:20,834 and takes a fucking bath in liquid shit. 160 00:16:21,751 --> 00:16:23,209 You done? 161 00:16:23,584 --> 00:16:25,417 Just wanted to be nice. 162 00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:26,792 OK. 163 00:16:31,834 --> 00:16:34,084 Tomorrow, before the bell. Same place as always. Right? 164 00:16:34,417 --> 00:16:35,584 Yes. 165 00:16:35,876 --> 00:16:38,251 Here. Buy yourself some cucumbers. 166 00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:42,042 Some cheese. 167 00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:45,042 - JERBOA MOUSE: I'm running away. 168 00:16:45,334 --> 00:16:46,459 Or some eco. 169 00:16:46,792 --> 00:16:48,292 Or some bio. 170 00:16:56,292 --> 00:16:58,626 - JERBOA MOUSE: First the ears, now the tail, 171 00:16:58,917 --> 00:17:00,334 my almost soulmate. 172 00:17:02,251 --> 00:17:04,626 [RAP MUSIC] 173 00:17:16,126 --> 00:17:17,626 Shouldn't you be in class? 174 00:17:18,334 --> 00:17:20,126 - JERBOA MOUSE: You should be, 175 00:17:20,417 --> 00:17:22,709 but holding back when you need to urinate is unhealthy. 176 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,834 I'm going for a pee. 177 00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:41,459 Fill it. Sign it. Give it to the nurse. 178 00:17:41,834 --> 00:17:43,209 Signed? 179 00:17:48,584 --> 00:17:49,959 This yours? 180 00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:08,084 Say hello to your mum. 181 00:18:09,709 --> 00:18:11,376 Tell her "Hey, there!". 182 00:18:12,084 --> 00:18:14,167 - "Hey there?" - "Hi." 183 00:18:15,667 --> 00:18:19,292 Or, how about... "ciao". 184 00:18:27,667 --> 00:18:29,001 Watch it. 185 00:19:43,251 --> 00:19:44,709 Do you have an appointment, sir? 186 00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:47,334 - JERBOA MOUSE: Not yet. 187 00:19:49,876 --> 00:19:54,084 Collect a sack full of cash and then get the ears sorted. 188 00:20:03,626 --> 00:20:07,042 Will you help me pin it? I won the poster competition. 189 00:20:08,292 --> 00:20:10,417 How many marshmallows can you fit in your mouth? 190 00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:11,667 I can do ten. 191 00:20:11,959 --> 00:20:12,709 You heard this one? 192 00:20:13,001 --> 00:20:15,626 What stinks of cunt and arse, and cheesy feet and all? 193 00:20:15,917 --> 00:20:18,126 Mickey Houses tighty whities, rolled up tightly in a ball. 194 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:20,542 Not quite the joke of the year, but LOL, right? 195 00:20:22,667 --> 00:20:24,292 - JERBOA MOUSE: I never did like that bitch. 196 00:20:24,584 --> 00:20:25,876 Look. 197 00:20:27,501 --> 00:20:29,459 - JERBOA MOUSE: Full screen please. 198 00:20:29,751 --> 00:20:31,792 [MEOWING] 199 00:20:36,459 --> 00:20:38,417 What've they arrested him for? 200 00:20:38,709 --> 00:20:41,001 Grass or something. 201 00:20:41,751 --> 00:20:42,876 Give me Fly Algaric. 202 00:20:43,167 --> 00:20:46,001 It fucks my head up good, but it makes me sweat like a pig. 203 00:20:47,917 --> 00:20:49,251 Will he end up in court? 204 00:20:49,542 --> 00:20:52,126 Come off it. No. They'll bang him up at once. 205 00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:55,042 He's the first. They'll do the whole make-an-example shit. 206 00:20:55,334 --> 00:20:57,251 They're turning everyone inside out now. 207 00:21:01,126 --> 00:21:02,709 Where d' you buy your rubber johnnies? 208 00:21:04,084 --> 00:21:05,667 That shop on the corner. 209 00:21:05,959 --> 00:21:08,667 Where they've got that Italian week at the moment. 210 00:21:13,126 --> 00:21:14,167 No? 211 00:21:17,167 --> 00:21:18,917 I don't believe it. 212 00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:21,584 He's split your ciabatta? 213 00:21:22,417 --> 00:21:26,417 Stuck his pepperoni in, but farted on that I stung him like a lemon. 214 00:21:26,751 --> 00:21:28,126 Lemon? 215 00:21:28,542 --> 00:21:30,626 Yeah, really got to me, too. 216 00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:35,167 Got snitty and hadn't even got his rocks off. 217 00:21:35,667 --> 00:21:37,167 Pebbles, more like. 218 00:21:38,334 --> 00:21:42,251 Plenty of rampant undergrowth at base camp, but had trouble pushing on to the peak. 219 00:21:42,542 --> 00:21:43,917 Shrimp. 220 00:21:48,126 --> 00:21:49,751 We need more rubber johnnies. 221 00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:51,751 I've got some rubbers. Me! Me! 222 00:21:54,709 --> 00:21:56,459 You said you had some drawing pins. 223 00:21:57,084 --> 00:21:59,334 - JERBOA MOUSE: You just don't get it, 224 00:21:59,626 --> 00:22:00,917 you really don't. 225 00:22:01,626 --> 00:22:04,459 It's all happening, right? And I'm recording the lot! Everything! 226 00:22:08,209 --> 00:22:10,209 Homo. Gay. Queer. Queen. 227 00:22:13,167 --> 00:22:15,084 I didn't want to say a queer, a queen, or a gay. 228 00:22:15,376 --> 00:22:17,584 Just a real man. Remote and inaccessible. 229 00:22:19,084 --> 00:22:21,042 - Is this your homework? 230 00:22:29,042 --> 00:22:30,126 Okay, read it. 231 00:22:34,626 --> 00:22:38,792 - What would you like to be when you're grown up? 232 00:22:51,709 --> 00:22:54,501 [ACOUSTIC MUSIC] 233 00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:58,167 I would like to be 234 00:23:05,376 --> 00:23:06,167 a shadow. 235 00:23:07,876 --> 00:23:08,667 - Shadow. 236 00:23:11,042 --> 00:23:13,751 - Shadow don't have smell, scum, 237 00:23:18,667 --> 00:23:20,584 to walk or stand still. 238 00:23:22,626 --> 00:23:24,917 But always on the pavement. 239 00:23:26,792 --> 00:23:27,667 - Pavement. 240 00:23:29,251 --> 00:23:32,042 [ACOUSTIC MUSIC] 241 00:23:37,376 --> 00:23:39,626 - Its never disturb nobody. 242 00:23:44,084 --> 00:23:44,959 - Disturbs. 243 00:23:50,042 --> 00:23:53,126 - Just nobody pay no attention to it. 244 00:24:04,501 --> 00:24:06,417 Shadow always is black. 245 00:24:10,584 --> 00:24:13,084 Sometimes big, sometimes small 246 00:24:16,917 --> 00:24:20,126 but shadow decides when it will change 247 00:24:21,542 --> 00:24:23,834 and when it don't. 248 00:24:24,126 --> 00:24:26,792 [ACOUSTIC MUSIC] 249 00:24:41,334 --> 00:24:42,126 - Wow. 250 00:24:44,917 --> 00:24:47,001 That was amazing man. 251 00:24:47,292 --> 00:24:49,334 It was great, I don't know if you felt 252 00:24:49,626 --> 00:24:53,709 the connection between the guitar and your voice. 253 00:25:01,792 --> 00:25:04,292 But do you want to be a shadow 254 00:25:08,084 --> 00:25:09,167 or the shadow? 255 00:25:12,209 --> 00:25:13,792 Class, the. 256 00:25:14,084 --> 00:25:15,417 - ALL: The. 257 00:25:15,709 --> 00:25:17,834 - The, the, the, the, the. 258 00:25:19,042 --> 00:25:20,917 - JERBOA MOUSE: Fuck off. 259 00:25:21,209 --> 00:25:22,334 Count to three. 260 00:25:24,626 --> 00:25:25,959 One, two, three. 261 00:25:37,959 --> 00:25:40,667 You're looking great. How're you doing? 262 00:25:40,959 --> 00:25:43,709 I'm doing great. I did great yesterday and the day before yesterday. 263 00:25:44,001 --> 00:25:45,626 I'll be great tomorrow and all week. 264 00:25:45,917 --> 00:25:47,626 We see each other every day. Can we get started? 265 00:25:47,917 --> 00:25:49,542 Well, what do you fancy? 266 00:25:49,834 --> 00:25:51,209 The vaginal cream. 267 00:25:51,501 --> 00:25:53,126 Want to rub it in? 268 00:25:53,542 --> 00:25:54,667 You bet. 269 00:25:55,084 --> 00:25:57,417 I'm just dreaming of creaming it on. It's the max. 270 00:25:57,709 --> 00:25:59,126 Seriously mega. 271 00:25:59,876 --> 00:26:01,876 Come on. Make a bit of an effort. 272 00:26:02,751 --> 00:26:07,376 20 € for 30 minutes viewing and an opinion. That's good money. 273 00:26:08,042 --> 00:26:09,501 It's a nice colour. 274 00:26:09,792 --> 00:26:11,751 OK, it looks like chocolate whip. 275 00:26:12,959 --> 00:26:14,959 I can even believe it's rich-tasting. 276 00:26:15,292 --> 00:26:18,959 But only in the dispenser. On the finger it looks like shit, shit, shit. 277 00:26:23,959 --> 00:26:25,959 Can you really eat it? 278 00:26:26,376 --> 00:26:29,042 Apply it to your vagina and then lick your fingers? 279 00:26:29,334 --> 00:26:30,459 It's gross. 280 00:26:30,792 --> 00:26:32,334 Can't I put it in a mail to you? 281 00:26:32,626 --> 00:26:35,709 No you can't. You know very well that we're interested in direct contact 282 00:26:36,001 --> 00:26:38,459 and a direct relationship with the potential customer. 283 00:26:38,751 --> 00:26:40,251 You're spontaneous... 284 00:26:40,542 --> 00:26:42,042 and emotional. 285 00:26:42,334 --> 00:26:44,709 - Want to add anything? - Must I? 286 00:26:45,542 --> 00:26:47,542 20 €. 287 00:26:48,167 --> 00:26:50,917 - The close-ups. - Like them? 288 00:26:56,209 --> 00:26:58,209 No. 289 00:27:00,501 --> 00:27:03,834 Shit, shit, shit, everlastingly dripping onto that finger. 290 00:27:04,376 --> 00:27:07,334 It looks like someone wiped their backside with their hand. 291 00:27:13,751 --> 00:27:16,542 Let's talk about something nicer. 292 00:27:21,209 --> 00:27:24,001 - JERBOA MOUSE: A woman's razor. 293 00:27:38,167 --> 00:27:40,167 Sanitary towels. 294 00:27:42,334 --> 00:27:44,334 Date me. 295 00:28:11,792 --> 00:28:13,792 OK. I'm OK. 296 00:28:21,251 --> 00:28:23,626 OK, OK, OK. 297 00:28:32,709 --> 00:28:34,792 - JERBOA MOUSE: 372, 41. 298 00:28:36,501 --> 00:28:38,334 All you're missing is. 299 00:28:42,501 --> 00:28:44,834 - What? - Money. 300 00:28:45,126 --> 00:28:46,209 Hunt. 301 00:28:47,084 --> 00:28:49,042 Hunt. Hunt. Hunt. 302 00:28:51,042 --> 00:28:54,584 - JERBOA MOUSE: Just about the whole sum. 303 00:29:04,959 --> 00:29:08,417 You've imagined that before, haven't you? 304 00:29:10,167 --> 00:29:11,876 Own up, you pervert. 305 00:29:13,459 --> 00:29:17,584 You little pervert, you teeny weeny pervert, you. 306 00:29:29,084 --> 00:29:32,001 You didn't give me a goodbye kiss. 307 00:29:32,876 --> 00:29:34,751 Or a good morning kiss. 308 00:29:35,042 --> 00:29:36,959 And you left without a word. 309 00:29:39,167 --> 00:29:41,501 That's three kisses as a punishment. 310 00:29:42,459 --> 00:29:44,126 Here. Here. 311 00:29:47,126 --> 00:29:48,501 And here. 312 00:29:57,042 --> 00:29:58,542 What's wrong? 313 00:29:59,459 --> 00:30:01,084 I'd give her one. 314 00:30:27,417 --> 00:30:28,876 Knee pads? 315 00:31:19,501 --> 00:31:23,667 Want a... a banana? 316 00:31:31,251 --> 00:31:33,501 You glued your ears down again. 317 00:31:35,084 --> 00:31:36,917 I've asked you not to. It hurts. 318 00:31:48,084 --> 00:31:50,751 - JERBOA MOUSE: Ew how revolting can you get? 319 00:31:51,042 --> 00:31:52,751 Its as sticky as glue. 320 00:31:54,251 --> 00:31:56,251 Wash your hands, wash. 321 00:31:56,542 --> 00:31:58,751 Your fingers'll get stuck together again, 322 00:31:59,042 --> 00:32:01,542 you don't wash enough, wash yourself. 323 00:32:01,834 --> 00:32:04,126 Scrub yourself, hard, harder. 324 00:32:08,751 --> 00:32:10,751 Open the door. 325 00:32:12,626 --> 00:32:14,626 Come on! Open the door! 326 00:32:38,751 --> 00:32:41,167 [THUNDERING] 327 00:32:50,167 --> 00:32:52,709 - JERBOA MOUSE: Like two peas in a pod. 328 00:32:53,001 --> 00:32:54,751 Just look at those ears. 329 00:32:55,042 --> 00:32:57,876 The largest in the entire cemetery. 330 00:33:16,292 --> 00:33:18,542 Three cubes of sugar, nice. 331 00:33:20,417 --> 00:33:21,167 Not. 332 00:34:02,084 --> 00:34:03,792 Where've you been? 333 00:34:13,834 --> 00:34:16,876 You'll catch a cold. Get those filthy rags off. 334 00:34:30,709 --> 00:34:32,334 - JERBOA MOUSE: See what you've done. 335 00:34:32,626 --> 00:34:34,876 Get undressed and apologize. 336 00:34:36,209 --> 00:34:38,001 Apologize, apologize. 337 00:34:47,834 --> 00:34:49,834 Please! Please! 338 00:34:52,001 --> 00:34:53,376 I'll never do it again! 339 00:34:53,667 --> 00:34:55,959 Mum, I'll never do it again! Really. Really and truly, Mum. 340 00:34:56,251 --> 00:34:59,167 Mum, I'll never do it again! 341 00:35:00,292 --> 00:35:03,376 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Mummy! 342 00:35:11,001 --> 00:35:13,001 I'm sorry. 343 00:35:14,417 --> 00:35:16,792 I told you to get out of those soaking wet rags. 344 00:35:17,751 --> 00:35:19,751 Didn't I? 345 00:35:21,917 --> 00:35:24,667 [DRAMATIC MUSIC] 346 00:35:50,209 --> 00:35:52,959 Promise that you'll never get on a scooter again. 347 00:35:55,542 --> 00:35:57,459 - JERBOA MOUSE: Swear. 348 00:35:58,751 --> 00:35:59,917 I swear. 349 00:36:01,126 --> 00:36:02,251 And? 350 00:36:05,751 --> 00:36:07,751 And I promise. 351 00:36:51,917 --> 00:36:54,709 [BIRDS CHIRPING] 352 00:37:00,584 --> 00:37:03,626 [CHILDREN LAUGHING] 353 00:37:18,709 --> 00:37:20,209 Where's the ciabatta? 354 00:37:23,334 --> 00:37:26,751 Go get some rolls. I'll make us pepperoni ciabatta for supper. 355 00:37:27,584 --> 00:37:29,792 On the billboard. At a reduced price. 356 00:37:36,917 --> 00:37:41,584 - JERBOA MOUSE: So actually, what is a ciabatta? 357 00:37:41,876 --> 00:37:42,709 Cunt or ass? 358 00:37:52,584 --> 00:37:55,209 Come here! Quickly! Something's bitten me! 359 00:37:56,959 --> 00:37:58,376 Right. 360 00:38:02,876 --> 00:38:05,751 - JERBOA MOUSE: Ew, a zit, 361 00:38:06,042 --> 00:38:07,292 a pure blackhead. 362 00:38:12,042 --> 00:38:12,834 Press. 363 00:38:14,792 --> 00:38:16,251 Squeeze, help her! 364 00:38:20,459 --> 00:38:22,709 [GROANING] 365 00:38:28,917 --> 00:38:30,209 Congratulations. 366 00:38:30,501 --> 00:38:30,876 [CLAPPING] 367 00:38:31,209 --> 00:38:35,209 - JERBOA MOUSE: Your forehead celebrates its first zit. 368 00:38:37,751 --> 00:38:39,001 It's begun. 369 00:38:39,417 --> 00:38:42,001 - JERBOA MOUSE: Unfortunately. 370 00:38:49,292 --> 00:38:51,292 My little zitikins. 371 00:38:53,417 --> 00:38:55,626 [GAGGING] 372 00:39:10,209 --> 00:39:12,792 - JERBOA MOUSE: You're a zit, a blackhead, 373 00:39:13,084 --> 00:39:15,542 you're pus, shit, runny poop, 374 00:39:15,834 --> 00:39:17,042 a big hard turd. 375 00:39:21,792 --> 00:39:24,751 - Can't we meet? Please. ...No. I don't want to. 376 00:39:25,042 --> 00:39:27,667 That's all we ever do. Can't we just see each other? 377 00:39:29,792 --> 00:39:32,542 Go somewhere, anywhere. Sit, stand. Please. 378 00:39:33,209 --> 00:39:36,251 No. No, I don't want to. OK, wait a moment. Don't cut me off. 379 00:39:39,042 --> 00:39:41,584 Are you there? You're there. OK. 380 00:40:05,542 --> 00:40:08,167 Is this what you're looking for? Glue, glue, glue? 381 00:40:12,126 --> 00:40:13,292 Yes, yes, yes! 382 00:40:13,584 --> 00:40:14,376 Give it to me! 383 00:40:14,667 --> 00:40:16,167 There'll be no more of this! 384 00:40:16,917 --> 00:40:19,292 Give it to me. Mummy! Please! 385 00:40:20,292 --> 00:40:21,834 How am I supposed to go to school? 386 00:40:22,126 --> 00:40:24,459 Since when do you like going to school? 387 00:40:25,209 --> 00:40:27,417 I don't like it. But I have to. 388 00:40:28,376 --> 00:40:30,209 - JERBOA MOUSE: You have to cut, cut away, 389 00:40:30,501 --> 00:40:33,709 sever and make money, earn, earn, earn. 390 00:40:34,792 --> 00:40:36,792 You have to look after me. 391 00:40:38,417 --> 00:40:40,417 I'm sick. 392 00:40:41,959 --> 00:40:43,959 I don't feel well. 393 00:40:57,792 --> 00:40:59,792 How's the knee? 394 00:41:05,792 --> 00:41:09,417 - JERBOA MOUSE: Show her, go on, show her. 395 00:41:10,167 --> 00:41:12,167 Mega knee! 396 00:41:27,209 --> 00:41:29,376 [SCREAMS] 397 00:41:32,251 --> 00:41:34,334 [GROANS] 398 00:41:38,376 --> 00:41:39,917 - JERBOA MOUSE: Change your body, change your life, 399 00:41:40,209 --> 00:41:40,959 just do it. 400 00:41:42,084 --> 00:41:43,084 Do you have an appointment, sir? 401 00:41:43,376 --> 00:41:46,167 - JERBOA MOUSE: Its now or never. 402 00:41:59,001 --> 00:42:02,001 They've started coming away and getting sort of longer. 403 00:42:02,292 --> 00:42:06,959 For several days now, I've been feeling... and hearing, something crunching. 404 00:42:08,084 --> 00:42:12,042 And there's the constant pain. The lack of sensation. The scar. 405 00:42:14,209 --> 00:42:15,834 There's even been some bleeding. 406 00:42:16,126 --> 00:42:18,209 - JERBOA MOUSE: Bleeding? 407 00:42:28,667 --> 00:42:31,667 The wound hasn't healed completely yet. 408 00:42:32,417 --> 00:42:36,584 Two weeks after the procedure is a bit early for caressing... 409 00:42:41,917 --> 00:42:43,584 - JERBOA MOUSE: Breasts? 410 00:42:43,876 --> 00:42:44,917 ...breasts. 411 00:42:45,917 --> 00:42:47,126 - JERBOA MOUSE: You're erecting the tent, 412 00:42:47,417 --> 00:42:50,292 raising the mast, something's wrong, 413 00:42:50,584 --> 00:42:53,334 I thought you were back to health. 414 00:42:59,584 --> 00:43:01,501 Are you there? 415 00:43:01,834 --> 00:43:03,834 I can hear you. 416 00:43:04,876 --> 00:43:08,209 You haven't flushed the toilet and you're writing with soiled fingers. 417 00:43:09,709 --> 00:43:11,001 I should report you. 418 00:43:11,292 --> 00:43:14,834 Failing to carry out your employer's instructions is a serious transgression. 419 00:43:15,126 --> 00:43:16,751 Do what I say. 420 00:43:17,376 --> 00:43:19,376 Turn on the camera. 421 00:43:24,584 --> 00:43:26,292 I want to see your hair. 422 00:43:27,126 --> 00:43:28,667 Short. 423 00:43:29,209 --> 00:43:30,834 Dirty. 424 00:43:31,126 --> 00:43:32,834 You've had a cold. 425 00:43:33,209 --> 00:43:35,209 For a week. 426 00:43:39,459 --> 00:43:43,709 Shabby track suit. 427 00:43:48,834 --> 00:43:51,501 Crisps. Cheap. 428 00:43:51,959 --> 00:43:54,001 Own-brand from a supermarket. 429 00:43:55,667 --> 00:43:57,667 Greasy fingers. 430 00:43:58,001 --> 00:44:00,001 Show them to me. 431 00:44:01,834 --> 00:44:04,167 Show me how you do it. 432 00:44:06,542 --> 00:44:08,917 Show me how you rub yourself. 433 00:44:11,167 --> 00:44:12,501 You like it. 434 00:44:12,876 --> 00:44:15,834 You tart. You screwing slut. 435 00:44:17,876 --> 00:44:19,876 You grab the vibrator. 436 00:44:21,876 --> 00:44:23,876 Swallow the cum. 437 00:44:24,417 --> 00:44:27,542 Just turn the fucking camera on. 438 00:44:29,584 --> 00:44:32,126 Turn on that fucking camera. 439 00:44:32,459 --> 00:44:34,959 - JERBOA MOUSE: Turn the fucking camera on 440 00:44:35,251 --> 00:44:37,209 and tell him to fuck off. 441 00:44:38,501 --> 00:44:40,501 Good afternoon. 442 00:44:44,209 --> 00:44:45,959 Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph. 443 00:44:46,959 --> 00:44:49,209 [KNOCKING] 444 00:44:58,917 --> 00:45:00,501 Is your son at home? 445 00:45:00,792 --> 00:45:02,542 My son's at school. 446 00:45:02,834 --> 00:45:04,876 - At school? - At school. Where else? 447 00:45:05,167 --> 00:45:07,542 At home... what's your home situation like? 448 00:45:07,959 --> 00:45:09,167 Normal. 449 00:45:09,459 --> 00:45:13,292 Do you live with your husband? Does your son have contact with his father? 450 00:45:13,584 --> 00:45:15,459 We're getting divorced. 451 00:45:17,751 --> 00:45:20,876 It must be very difficult for you. I'm getting divorced, too. 452 00:45:21,167 --> 00:45:23,209 Everyone's getting divorced these days. 453 00:45:23,501 --> 00:45:25,417 There are more serious problems than that. 454 00:45:26,126 --> 00:45:27,209 Such as? 455 00:45:28,459 --> 00:45:29,667 What? 456 00:45:30,209 --> 00:45:31,751 Drugs. 457 00:45:35,584 --> 00:45:37,584 That's not our problem. 458 00:45:41,251 --> 00:45:43,251 Until it affects those dearest to us. 459 00:45:44,917 --> 00:45:46,917 I'm not with you. 460 00:45:48,126 --> 00:45:49,459 Drugs. 461 00:45:50,209 --> 00:45:51,751 What are you getting at? 462 00:45:52,042 --> 00:45:55,001 We're running urine tests at the school. At the principal's request. 463 00:45:55,292 --> 00:45:57,084 Urine? 464 00:45:59,917 --> 00:46:03,334 The parents were notified at a meeting. Didn't you know anything about it, ma'am? 465 00:46:03,626 --> 00:46:05,001 - I knew. I work long hours. - Where? 466 00:46:05,292 --> 00:46:07,501 In urine... from home. What's this, an interrogation? 467 00:46:07,792 --> 00:46:08,876 Take it easy, please. 468 00:46:09,167 --> 00:46:12,376 We're carrying out a routine check on the presence of drugs in the pupils' urine. 469 00:46:12,667 --> 00:46:13,834 It's nothing major. 470 00:46:14,126 --> 00:46:16,001 But the most curious thing is... 471 00:46:16,542 --> 00:46:18,126 ...that the results of the tests coincide. 472 00:46:18,459 --> 00:46:19,834 The samples come from one person. 473 00:46:20,126 --> 00:46:21,126 What're you suggesting? 474 00:46:21,417 --> 00:46:24,042 We suspect that someone's using the situation and dealing in... 475 00:46:24,376 --> 00:46:25,584 ...urine? 476 00:46:31,459 --> 00:46:32,667 - JERBOA MOUSE: Bingo. 477 00:46:32,959 --> 00:46:35,167 Just a few pupils haven't handed in a sample. 478 00:46:35,459 --> 00:46:37,459 - Your son's one of them, ma'am. - My son's a good boy. 479 00:46:37,751 --> 00:46:39,334 Polite, obedient, doing well at school. 480 00:46:39,626 --> 00:46:41,209 He doesn't cause trouble and he doesn't get into fights. 481 00:46:41,501 --> 00:46:44,167 - JERBOA MOUSE: My, my, my, what's to be done? 482 00:46:44,459 --> 00:46:48,542 You're cunt, a cowering cunt with your head hung low. 483 00:46:48,834 --> 00:46:50,459 A cunt who can't say no. 484 00:46:50,751 --> 00:46:52,792 A cunt who can't stand her ground. 485 00:46:53,084 --> 00:46:55,126 A cowardly stinking cunt. 486 00:46:55,417 --> 00:46:59,084 Cunt, cuntet, cuntetta, cuntabatta, ciabatta. 487 00:47:00,042 --> 00:47:01,959 Here's my card. For your collection. 488 00:47:04,459 --> 00:47:09,084 If you decide you want to add something. Or if, for instance, you feel... 489 00:47:09,876 --> 00:47:11,876 Loneliness and yearning? 490 00:47:12,376 --> 00:47:14,376 Should such a need occur. 491 00:47:14,667 --> 00:47:16,626 Goodbye. 492 00:47:23,626 --> 00:47:26,126 - JERBOA MOUSE: Knock, knock. 493 00:47:35,126 --> 00:47:37,126 Did you want to give me a cuddle? 494 00:47:39,292 --> 00:47:42,084 Right now, I'd like you to take this. 495 00:47:43,792 --> 00:47:45,792 For the urine sample. 496 00:47:46,709 --> 00:47:48,709 And keep an eye on your son. 497 00:47:54,376 --> 00:47:56,251 - JERBOA MOUSE: They're gonna do it again? 498 00:47:56,542 --> 00:47:57,167 Do it? 499 00:47:58,001 --> 00:48:00,001 Would you like a cup of tea? 500 00:48:02,417 --> 00:48:04,417 I expect you're hungry. 501 00:48:05,751 --> 00:48:08,376 I'll make a pepperoni ciabatta. 502 00:48:08,959 --> 00:48:10,917 Nice, thick slices. No cheating. 503 00:48:11,209 --> 00:48:12,334 Well, Officer? 504 00:48:12,751 --> 00:48:14,959 I'm running on empty. 505 00:48:15,584 --> 00:48:17,501 Haven't had so much as a lick of a lollipop. 506 00:48:17,792 --> 00:48:19,209 Neither have I. 507 00:48:20,417 --> 00:48:22,417 Excuse me, but you're Officer...? 508 00:48:23,084 --> 00:48:25,042 Lieutenant. 509 00:48:27,376 --> 00:48:29,376 Mr Lieutenant. 510 00:48:30,751 --> 00:48:32,751 Lieutenant will do. 511 00:48:34,126 --> 00:48:38,084 Come in, Mr... Lieutenant. 512 00:48:39,334 --> 00:48:41,334 I thank you. 513 00:49:01,626 --> 00:49:04,876 - JERBOA MOUSE: Yep, black and curly. 514 00:49:06,001 --> 00:49:07,667 What have the times come to? 515 00:49:07,959 --> 00:49:11,542 Fools going to the dogs, hair in the pepperoni. 516 00:49:11,959 --> 00:49:13,959 What? 517 00:49:28,167 --> 00:49:29,834 A bit of thread. 518 00:49:36,167 --> 00:49:38,501 I sewed up the hole in the knee. 519 00:49:43,126 --> 00:49:45,084 What's happened to the lock? 520 00:49:45,834 --> 00:49:48,459 It kept on jamming, so I unscrewed it. 521 00:49:52,876 --> 00:49:56,001 Here. Go on. Take it. 522 00:50:04,876 --> 00:50:06,876 Give it here. 523 00:50:07,417 --> 00:50:09,417 - Come on, give it here! - No. 524 00:50:09,792 --> 00:50:12,126 Lollipop! Come here, sugar lump. 525 00:50:12,417 --> 00:50:14,667 Come and wash my back for me. 526 00:50:16,334 --> 00:50:20,001 There's bubbles. There's loads of foam, like always. 527 00:50:20,292 --> 00:50:21,959 Come on, sugar lump. 528 00:50:22,251 --> 00:50:23,876 - JERBOA MOUSE: In. 529 00:50:35,501 --> 00:50:37,501 Nice? 530 00:50:38,542 --> 00:50:40,751 - JERBOA MOUSE: Answer with conviction 531 00:50:41,042 --> 00:50:41,751 No. 532 00:50:42,042 --> 00:50:45,001 and behave nicely, just a moment longer. 533 00:50:45,292 --> 00:50:46,917 Just a little moment more. 534 00:50:47,209 --> 00:50:49,584 A moment, it'll soon be over. 535 00:50:49,876 --> 00:50:53,209 Its nothing bad, just seems that way to you. 536 00:50:53,501 --> 00:50:56,751 Every boy in the world washes his mother's back. 537 00:50:57,042 --> 00:50:57,792 Its normal. 538 00:51:00,292 --> 00:51:01,084 Chill. 539 00:51:02,792 --> 00:51:03,917 It'll be cool. 540 00:51:05,251 --> 00:51:06,459 Its not normal. 541 00:51:08,001 --> 00:51:09,001 Its abnormal. 542 00:51:11,459 --> 00:51:12,251 Its sick. 543 00:51:16,501 --> 00:51:18,042 But get on with it. 544 00:51:18,751 --> 00:51:20,751 That'll do. 545 00:51:25,501 --> 00:51:27,792 Where are you getting the money from? 546 00:51:29,334 --> 00:51:31,292 What money? 547 00:51:31,584 --> 00:51:33,876 What money? The money in the drawer. 548 00:51:34,501 --> 00:51:36,501 My drawer, my money. 549 00:51:38,334 --> 00:51:39,417 You will sign this neatly. 550 00:51:39,709 --> 00:51:41,334 You will take it into school tomorrow. 551 00:51:41,626 --> 00:51:43,501 And you will put a stop to it. 552 00:51:43,792 --> 00:51:45,126 To what? 553 00:51:46,376 --> 00:51:47,959 You know very well what. 554 00:51:53,084 --> 00:51:55,084 What're their names? 555 00:51:55,792 --> 00:51:57,209 Whose names? 556 00:51:57,626 --> 00:51:59,376 You know very well whose. 557 00:51:59,917 --> 00:52:02,292 You will sign it. You will hand it in. 558 00:52:02,584 --> 00:52:04,209 And you will stop. 559 00:52:07,209 --> 00:52:08,292 What you've been doing. 560 00:52:27,459 --> 00:52:29,459 Signed? 561 00:52:33,584 --> 00:52:34,917 Mr Lieutenant. 562 00:52:35,209 --> 00:52:38,334 I've come to check the latest results of the urine tests. 563 00:52:41,626 --> 00:52:45,001 Say hello to your mum. And take care of her. 564 00:52:46,584 --> 00:52:48,459 She's under a lot of stress. 565 00:52:48,751 --> 00:52:49,917 She's sleepy and, you know... 566 00:52:53,959 --> 00:52:55,417 She's hypersensitive. 567 00:52:55,709 --> 00:52:56,209 She doesn't eat properly. 568 00:52:56,501 --> 00:52:57,834 - JERBOA MOUSE: He found all that out over 569 00:52:58,126 --> 00:52:59,542 a few pepperoni ciabattas? 570 00:52:59,834 --> 00:53:01,792 I'll make a pepperoni ciabatta. 571 00:53:04,126 --> 00:53:05,376 Arsehole! 572 00:53:07,042 --> 00:53:08,084 Watch it. 573 00:53:08,542 --> 00:53:10,792 - JERBOA MOUSE: That bitch again can't be helped. 574 00:53:11,084 --> 00:53:12,417 Okay, full screen. 575 00:53:13,667 --> 00:53:15,709 I'm late coming on. 576 00:53:18,709 --> 00:53:20,209 You're lucky it's not dripping out of you. 577 00:53:20,501 --> 00:53:22,626 Like happened to me, all over those swivel chairs in IT. 578 00:53:23,084 --> 00:53:25,459 When I had a lesson a week later, the stain was still there. 579 00:53:25,917 --> 00:53:28,126 And the boys saw sanitary towels in my backpack. 580 00:53:28,417 --> 00:53:31,251 I remember! They pulled it out and started mucking around with it. 581 00:53:31,542 --> 00:53:33,709 I thought I'd wet myself. Serious shit. 582 00:53:34,501 --> 00:53:36,501 Serious shit. 583 00:53:41,459 --> 00:53:42,959 Serious shit. 584 00:53:43,251 --> 00:53:45,126 That's real problems. That's real life. 585 00:53:45,417 --> 00:53:47,042 I think I'll be a journalist. 586 00:53:48,709 --> 00:53:50,917 Wanna share a drink with me. From the same straw? 587 00:53:51,209 --> 00:53:52,209 It's all chemicals. 588 00:53:52,501 --> 00:53:54,417 The chemistry's between you 'n me. 589 00:53:57,251 --> 00:53:59,501 - JERBOA MOUSE: Its love. 590 00:53:59,792 --> 00:54:03,126 More's the pity, she can't smell any stinks, 591 00:54:03,417 --> 00:54:05,834 any poop, any shit, any turds. 592 00:54:07,376 --> 00:54:10,834 They look OK with the chewing gum. Not so flattened. 593 00:54:16,709 --> 00:54:19,042 [RAP MUSIC] 594 00:54:37,584 --> 00:54:39,584 Oh! It's Jerboa Mouse. 595 00:55:03,709 --> 00:55:04,959 - JERBOA MOUSE: Don't trust her, 596 00:55:05,251 --> 00:55:07,292 she's a rotten, worm-riddled peach, 597 00:55:07,584 --> 00:55:10,042 a mouldy pear, a putrid papaya. 598 00:55:19,251 --> 00:55:20,126 [SCREAMS] 599 00:55:20,417 --> 00:55:22,209 I'm running away, I'm running away, 600 00:55:22,501 --> 00:55:23,626 I'm running with all my might, 601 00:55:23,917 --> 00:55:25,917 don't eat me, no, no, no. 602 00:55:31,501 --> 00:55:33,834 A defenceless little animal. 603 00:55:34,876 --> 00:55:37,042 If it shrieked, it wouldn't get eaten. 604 00:55:37,417 --> 00:55:38,917 It did shriek. 605 00:55:39,209 --> 00:55:40,626 Not loudly enough. 606 00:55:40,917 --> 00:55:43,959 See, my life's as fucked up as yours. 607 00:56:07,584 --> 00:56:09,209 - TV PRESENTER: Mice aren't people. 608 00:56:09,501 --> 00:56:12,376 They don't make conscious decisions that affect them. 609 00:56:12,667 --> 00:56:16,792 Left to themselves, they reproduce increasingly. 610 00:56:17,084 --> 00:56:20,167 Population about important for survival. 611 00:56:20,459 --> 00:56:24,626 Mating is the help for the preservation of the species. 612 00:56:25,834 --> 00:56:28,251 - JERBOA MOUSE: That love needs killing. 613 00:56:28,542 --> 00:56:30,876 [SOFT MUSIC] 614 00:56:43,167 --> 00:56:44,751 Someone has to die. 615 00:56:48,667 --> 00:56:50,876 Sad people are always good. 616 00:56:51,167 --> 00:56:52,251 If they came back to life, 617 00:56:52,542 --> 00:56:54,501 they certainly wouldn't do anything to you. 618 00:56:54,792 --> 00:56:56,667 They wouldn't make fun of you. 619 00:56:56,959 --> 00:56:59,417 But they've got it great. 620 00:56:59,709 --> 00:57:01,334 They're sad and dead. 621 00:57:05,709 --> 00:57:08,417 You're sad and you have to live. 622 00:57:09,834 --> 00:57:12,042 You've gotta do something. 623 00:57:16,209 --> 00:57:17,251 Do something. 624 00:57:29,501 --> 00:57:31,917 Just like you and me. 625 00:57:32,209 --> 00:57:32,876 You. 626 00:57:37,459 --> 00:57:38,876 Ripped to shreds. 627 00:57:43,667 --> 00:57:44,876 I love you too. 628 00:57:46,126 --> 00:57:50,417 And I'll love you even more if you get rid of Mummy. 629 00:57:57,209 --> 00:57:58,792 Poisonous, you bet. 630 00:58:05,834 --> 00:58:08,251 [ROCK MUSIC] 631 00:58:32,959 --> 00:58:35,209 [COUGHING] 632 00:58:42,042 --> 00:58:43,709 What're those leaves for? 633 00:58:54,084 --> 00:58:55,251 We're having bouillon. 634 00:58:59,709 --> 00:59:02,126 [ROCK MUSIC] 635 00:59:17,334 --> 00:59:19,084 - JERBOA MOUSE: Now. 636 00:59:53,917 --> 00:59:56,334 [SOFT MUSIC] 637 01:00:14,334 --> 01:00:16,501 [BUZZING] 638 01:00:43,417 --> 01:00:45,876 - Where's your exercise book? 639 01:00:48,667 --> 01:00:50,667 The dog ate it. 640 01:00:52,251 --> 01:00:55,126 - JERBOA MOUSE: You've got a dog? 641 01:00:58,417 --> 01:01:00,376 And what's "dog" in English? 642 01:01:01,751 --> 01:01:02,542 - Dog. 643 01:01:03,459 --> 01:01:05,001 - A dog, very good. 644 01:01:06,084 --> 01:01:08,126 And the dog goes woof. 645 01:01:08,417 --> 01:01:10,251 - JERBOA MOUSE: Wonder what you'll get? 646 01:01:10,542 --> 01:01:13,251 I'll tell you, dick all, that's what. 647 01:01:13,542 --> 01:01:16,792 Hairy, stinking dick all for a hairy, 648 01:01:17,084 --> 01:01:18,792 stinking dick head dick for 649 01:01:19,084 --> 01:01:21,167 a festering, slithering pepperoni. 650 01:01:21,459 --> 01:01:22,542 Stop it! 651 01:01:23,626 --> 01:01:24,376 - Stop it! 652 01:01:31,251 --> 01:01:34,751 - And the dog goes woof, and the dog goes woof. 653 01:01:35,042 --> 01:01:38,751 And the cat goes meow, and the cat goes meow. 654 01:01:39,042 --> 01:01:42,542 And the cow goes moo, and the cow goes moo. 655 01:01:46,167 --> 01:01:48,626 [BELL RINGS] 656 01:02:27,126 --> 01:02:29,792 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 657 01:02:47,001 --> 01:02:49,376 [GROWLING] 658 01:02:49,667 --> 01:02:52,459 - JERBOA MOUSE: I don't know what's worse, 659 01:02:52,751 --> 01:02:55,667 the fact that your Mummy's flanking, 660 01:02:57,126 --> 01:02:59,001 which is to say, dick. 661 01:03:00,667 --> 01:03:03,667 [SCREAMING] 662 01:03:03,959 --> 01:03:05,751 Pork sword, hairy woof. 663 01:03:09,376 --> 01:03:13,834 Or the fact that you're starting to look like, 664 01:03:14,126 --> 01:03:14,792 Mummy. 665 01:03:17,667 --> 01:03:21,751 You're all girl, pussy, cunt, slithery ciabatta. 666 01:03:26,376 --> 01:03:28,376 No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 667 01:03:28,667 --> 01:03:29,084 [GROWLING] 668 01:03:32,542 --> 01:03:35,792 - JERBOA MOUSE: Agender, transgender, 669 01:03:36,084 --> 01:03:39,459 gender non-comformist, gender questioning, 670 01:03:39,751 --> 01:03:43,459 other, none, hermaphrodite, androgyny, trans. 671 01:03:49,251 --> 01:03:52,959 Just like a real box of chocolates. 672 01:03:53,251 --> 01:03:55,917 [DRAMATIC MUSIC] 673 01:03:57,542 --> 01:03:59,626 A towel. Gimme a towel. 674 01:04:04,542 --> 01:04:08,084 A towel. No, no, not a towel. It'll leave a stain. Traces. Spoor. 675 01:04:27,209 --> 01:04:29,834 These things happen to us boys. Get the iron. 676 01:04:30,292 --> 01:04:32,001 Get it yourself. 677 01:04:33,126 --> 01:04:36,042 I've got a few more interventions. They've gotta be dry. 678 01:05:21,126 --> 01:05:24,001 See you on the chat... to finish what we've started? 679 01:05:48,626 --> 01:05:50,667 You're looking good. How're you doing? 680 01:05:50,959 --> 01:05:53,417 I'm doing great. I'm spontaneous and I'm emotional. 681 01:05:53,709 --> 01:05:57,167 Not even 20 000 € would be enough for looking at you in that state. 682 01:07:21,584 --> 01:07:26,292 - JERBOA MOUSE: Where are you off to in such a hurry? 683 01:07:26,584 --> 01:07:28,876 Where, out with it, where? 684 01:07:29,167 --> 01:07:29,834 Who to? 685 01:07:31,084 --> 01:07:33,959 What have you got to offer anyone? 686 01:08:18,084 --> 01:08:21,001 There's this boy who posted this video on the Internet. 687 01:08:21,292 --> 01:08:24,042 Of him getting 10 marshmallows into his mouth. 688 01:08:24,334 --> 01:08:27,209 And I can get 11 in. I've beaten his record. 689 01:08:29,001 --> 01:08:30,459 I've got new footage. 690 01:08:30,751 --> 01:08:32,251 People like atrocity. 691 01:08:35,167 --> 01:08:37,126 They looked weird stuck down. 692 01:08:37,417 --> 01:08:40,542 I've managed to get used to them sticking out. And you? 693 01:08:51,626 --> 01:08:52,751 Kind of. 694 01:08:53,042 --> 01:08:54,959 So when are you having the operation? 695 01:08:55,251 --> 01:08:57,876 You're doing it, right? I heard it hurts hideously. I'd never do it. 696 01:08:58,167 --> 01:09:01,376 I've heard that if you don't have an operation, they get even bigger. 697 01:09:01,667 --> 01:09:03,126 You know what? I like you. Really. 698 01:09:03,417 --> 01:09:06,084 We've had our ups and downs, but I can show you. 699 01:09:06,459 --> 01:09:09,126 I'll show you for nothing. I'm doing a special offer. For free. 700 01:09:09,417 --> 01:09:12,126 But here and now. You can touch them. Jiggle them. Want to? 701 01:09:12,417 --> 01:09:15,126 Everyone wants to. Don't worry. You just need to freeze them. 702 01:09:15,417 --> 01:09:17,709 The ears. Not the tits. They fall off by themselves. 703 01:09:18,001 --> 01:09:19,584 No pain and no blood. Here you are. 704 01:09:27,209 --> 01:09:30,459 Use to cut off the flow of water by freezing it. 705 01:09:30,959 --> 01:09:32,751 That's what it says on the can. 706 01:09:33,042 --> 01:09:35,376 Since it freezes pipes, it'll freeze ears, too. 707 01:09:35,667 --> 01:09:38,084 Take it. From me to you. A gift. A helping hand. 708 01:09:38,376 --> 01:09:41,042 Take it. I saved up. Earned. Bought it for you. 709 01:09:41,334 --> 01:09:43,084 I love you. 710 01:09:57,542 --> 01:09:58,126 And there's this, too. 711 01:09:58,459 --> 01:09:58,792 - JERBOA MOUSE: Ecstasy. 712 01:09:59,084 --> 01:09:59,917 It's magic. 713 01:10:00,209 --> 01:10:03,376 I know, I know, it goes against you world view, 714 01:10:03,667 --> 01:10:06,084 you're clean, you help people, you eat good, 715 01:10:06,376 --> 01:10:08,376 cigarettes are shit, you don't use. 716 01:10:08,667 --> 01:10:12,042 But hey, why not, what's the harm? 717 01:10:12,334 --> 01:10:16,417 None, not anymore, this time you'll succeed. 718 01:10:16,709 --> 01:10:17,667 Maybe. 719 01:10:17,959 --> 01:10:20,417 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 720 01:11:00,626 --> 01:11:02,917 She can do what she likes with you. 721 01:11:03,209 --> 01:11:04,376 She's got the power. 722 01:11:04,667 --> 01:11:08,209 You can't let her do that, its cannibalism, tell her. 723 01:11:08,501 --> 01:11:10,417 Go on, go on, tell her, 724 01:11:10,709 --> 01:11:13,459 tell her, give it to her straight. 725 01:11:23,584 --> 01:11:25,584 Bon appétit. 726 01:11:47,334 --> 01:11:50,501 - JERBOA MOUSE: Strong and menacing. 727 01:11:51,667 --> 01:11:52,417 Like you. 728 01:11:55,834 --> 01:11:56,626 Not. 729 01:11:56,917 --> 01:11:58,917 Where d'you get that piss? 730 01:12:00,876 --> 01:12:03,792 The piss. Who d'you buy it from? 731 01:12:04,459 --> 01:12:06,209 It's mine. 732 01:12:06,751 --> 01:12:08,042 From my bladder. 733 01:12:08,334 --> 01:12:09,584 Pregnant, are you? 734 01:12:16,251 --> 01:12:18,876 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 735 01:12:21,501 --> 01:12:22,459 Yes. 736 01:12:25,876 --> 01:12:26,792 Yes. 737 01:12:27,084 --> 01:12:30,042 You cook up. You smoke. You swallow. And chase and snort. 738 01:12:33,251 --> 01:12:36,251 What is it and who's it from? Out with it. Come on! 739 01:12:37,959 --> 01:12:40,792 Syrup from my mum. Sedative. 740 01:12:41,126 --> 01:12:43,334 I haven't overdosed. I'm not hallucinating. 741 01:12:43,667 --> 01:12:45,834 I feel great. My hearing's fine. 742 01:12:46,459 --> 01:12:50,376 When I get worked up, I can't pee. And I get worked up a lot, get it? 743 01:12:52,876 --> 01:12:56,792 I didn't want any trouble, so I asked a girl, 'cos none of the boys are my friends. 744 01:12:57,084 --> 01:12:58,292 Can I go now? 745 01:12:59,084 --> 01:13:00,542 - JERBOA MOUSE: I'm well impressed. 746 01:13:00,834 --> 01:13:02,501 You go on like that and I'll be out of a job 747 01:13:02,792 --> 01:13:04,417 and have to shut up for all time. 748 01:13:04,709 --> 01:13:06,542 Don't do that to me, please. 749 01:13:06,834 --> 01:13:09,084 S'il vous plaît, pretty please. 750 01:13:09,376 --> 01:13:10,292 I'll be good. 751 01:13:10,584 --> 01:13:11,251 - Stop it! 752 01:13:14,001 --> 01:13:16,126 [CHOKING] 753 01:13:25,376 --> 01:13:29,542 You're a zit, a blackhead, shit, runny poop, a big, hard turd. 754 01:13:29,834 --> 01:13:31,417 A stinking dick! A hairy pepperoni! 755 01:13:31,709 --> 01:13:32,959 - Pepperoni, hm? 756 01:13:37,209 --> 01:13:38,376 Smell that? 757 01:13:39,084 --> 01:13:39,917 - Um what? 758 01:13:41,084 --> 01:13:42,001 - Get a whiff of that? 759 01:13:42,292 --> 01:13:43,709 - Is that the gas from a mouse? 760 01:13:44,001 --> 01:13:45,084 - Ass. 761 01:13:45,376 --> 01:13:48,459 - Or is it that crap from the crappy crap House? 762 01:13:48,751 --> 01:13:51,542 - No, Jerboa Mouse, what a sticky louse. 763 01:13:51,834 --> 01:13:52,751 - Louse, huh? 764 01:13:57,251 --> 01:13:58,834 You're not here. 765 01:13:59,709 --> 01:14:01,251 You're not here. 766 01:14:02,542 --> 01:14:04,542 And you never were. 767 01:14:05,334 --> 01:14:07,417 [CRYING] 768 01:14:16,542 --> 01:14:18,417 You don't exist. 769 01:14:18,709 --> 01:14:21,376 - No, no, no, no, no, have mercy. 770 01:14:23,667 --> 01:14:25,001 Get back to the television! 771 01:14:25,584 --> 01:14:27,709 - Not the television, no! 772 01:14:33,501 --> 01:14:36,084 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 773 01:15:00,001 --> 01:15:01,584 ♪ Revenge is good 774 01:15:01,876 --> 01:15:03,792 ♪ Revenge tastes fine 775 01:15:04,084 --> 01:15:08,167 ♪ I feel much better every time I get mine 776 01:15:32,292 --> 01:15:34,501 ♪ Revenge 777 01:15:37,751 --> 01:15:39,834 [CRYING] 778 01:15:51,792 --> 01:15:52,709 Giddy up! 779 01:15:57,959 --> 01:15:59,209 Onwards! Onwards! 780 01:17:29,292 --> 01:17:30,959 What're you doing? 781 01:17:33,292 --> 01:17:36,334 Nestling it, because it's cold. Incubating it. Hatching it. 782 01:17:36,626 --> 01:17:39,251 Someone has to. Something has to hatch out of it. See how happy it is. 783 01:17:39,542 --> 01:17:42,167 - It's mine! - It likes it. The egg likes it. 784 01:17:42,459 --> 01:17:43,167 - No it doesn't! - It does. 785 01:17:43,459 --> 01:17:46,667 You like covering up under 2 quilts when you go to sleep. So does the egg. 786 01:17:46,959 --> 01:17:50,542 - No it doesn't. - Yes it does. 787 01:17:50,834 --> 01:17:52,459 - It does! - No it doesn't. 788 01:17:52,751 --> 01:17:54,584 - Does! Does! Does! - Doesn't! Doesn't! Doesn't! 789 01:18:16,584 --> 01:18:18,542 Does that feel good? 790 01:18:18,834 --> 01:18:21,209 [SCREECHING] 791 01:18:38,917 --> 01:18:40,292 Shut up. 792 01:18:41,084 --> 01:18:43,792 Stop talking to me. Shut your face! 793 01:18:53,376 --> 01:18:56,334 [TRIUMPHANT MUSIC] 794 01:19:21,126 --> 01:19:23,292 [BUZZING] 795 01:19:26,542 --> 01:19:29,001 [SOFT MUSIC] 796 01:21:32,334 --> 01:21:35,084 [BREAKING SHELL] 797 01:22:12,626 --> 01:22:15,376 [GLASS BREAKING] 798 01:23:00,209 --> 01:23:02,667 Good morning. I've got a broken window pane. 799 01:23:04,209 --> 01:23:06,001 Can you replace it? 800 01:23:06,292 --> 01:23:08,292 OK. I'll be waiting 801 01:23:25,667 --> 01:23:28,084 [SOFT MUSIC] 802 01:24:21,709 --> 01:24:24,292 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 803 01:24:43,251 --> 01:24:47,251 Hello. On today's programme we're answering questions from our telly-viewing girlies. 804 01:24:47,542 --> 01:24:50,376 My guests are experts. Real women. 805 01:24:51,792 --> 01:24:52,751 Question: 806 01:24:53,084 --> 01:24:56,042 My tits aren't getting any bigger. They're lazy. I'm trying so hard. 807 01:24:56,334 --> 01:24:59,292 I measure them every day. I'm gonna kill myself. Cheers. 808 01:24:59,876 --> 01:25:03,667 Dear Telly-Viewer Girl, eat loads of ham. And buy yourself a push-up bra. 809 01:25:04,751 --> 01:25:08,584 Scarf down bananas. Mega-masses of them. And make a banana mask. 810 01:25:08,876 --> 01:25:12,751 An egg yolk, a banana and three tablespoons of milk. 811 01:25:13,834 --> 01:25:15,876 Mash it all together and slap it on. 812 01:25:16,584 --> 01:25:18,751 And, like, drink loads of milk, too. 813 01:25:19,917 --> 01:25:22,876 Don't forget to slather your boobs with olive oil. Like, every day. 814 01:25:23,167 --> 01:25:26,376 That's what I did and just get a load of these melons. 815 01:25:27,251 --> 01:25:30,834 Wrong. Bananas. Bananas are just s-o-o-o crucial, I'm telling you. 816 01:25:31,126 --> 01:25:34,626 Thank you. This was me, your journalist and my guestie-westies. 817 01:25:39,542 --> 01:25:41,126 ♪ I spread my legs 818 01:25:41,417 --> 01:25:42,959 ♪ Looks like I'm prayin' 819 01:25:43,251 --> 01:25:46,959 ♪ I fold my hands with a rosary 820 01:25:47,251 --> 01:25:48,709 ♪ I have your picture, down 821 01:25:49,001 --> 01:25:50,792 ♪ Down in my panties 822 01:25:51,084 --> 01:25:54,584 ♪ Cause I have sacred dreams with lips like cherries 823 01:25:54,876 --> 01:25:56,584 ♪ I spread my legs 824 01:25:56,876 --> 01:25:58,626 ♪ Looks like I'm prayin 825 01:25:58,917 --> 01:26:02,251 ♪ I fold my hands with a rosary 826 01:26:02,542 --> 01:26:04,084 ♪ I have your pictures down 827 01:26:04,376 --> 01:26:06,251 ♪ Down in my panties 828 01:26:06,542 --> 01:26:09,917 ♪ Cause I have sacred dreams with lips like cherries 829 01:26:10,209 --> 01:26:12,792 ♪ Its not a happy, happy song 830 01:26:13,084 --> 01:26:16,126 ♪ A happy, happy song 831 01:26:17,417 --> 01:26:20,417 ♪ Its not a happy, happy song 832 01:26:20,709 --> 01:26:23,792 ♪ A happy, happy song 833 01:26:25,376 --> 01:26:28,001 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 834 01:26:33,126 --> 01:26:34,792 ♪ I spread my white sheets 835 01:26:35,084 --> 01:26:36,834 ♪ It feels like heaven 836 01:26:37,126 --> 01:26:40,667 ♪ I take a knife with a diamond blade 837 01:26:40,959 --> 01:26:44,501 ♪ I hear my heart jumping, tears of rosary 838 01:26:44,792 --> 01:26:46,084 ♪ Cause you feel lucky 839 01:26:46,376 --> 01:26:48,501 ♪ Like big old cherries 840 01:26:48,792 --> 01:26:50,334 ♪ I spread my white sheets 841 01:26:50,626 --> 01:26:52,334 ♪ It feels like heaven 842 01:26:52,626 --> 01:26:56,126 ♪ I take a knife with a diamond blade 843 01:26:56,417 --> 01:26:59,917 ♪ I hear my heart jumping, tears of rosary 844 01:27:00,209 --> 01:27:03,751 ♪ Cause you feel lucky and those big old cherries 845 01:27:04,042 --> 01:27:06,501 ♪ Its not a happy, happy song 846 01:27:06,792 --> 01:27:09,917 ♪ A happy, happy song 847 01:27:11,251 --> 01:27:14,209 ♪ Its not a happy, happy song 848 01:27:14,501 --> 01:27:17,667 ♪ A happy, happy song 849 01:27:18,959 --> 01:27:21,917 ♪ Its not a happy, happy song 850 01:27:22,209 --> 01:27:25,334 ♪ A happy, happy song 851 01:27:26,626 --> 01:27:29,709 ♪ Its not a happy, happy song 852 01:27:30,001 --> 01:27:33,042 ♪ A happy, happy song 853 01:27:34,334 --> 01:27:37,501 ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la 854 01:27:37,792 --> 01:27:41,709 ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la 855 01:27:42,001 --> 01:27:44,042 ♪ Revenge 856 01:27:44,334 --> 01:27:46,834 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 857 01:28:00,334 --> 01:28:01,917 ♪ Revenge is good 858 01:28:02,209 --> 01:28:04,001 ♪ Revenge tastes fine 859 01:28:04,292 --> 01:28:08,417 ♪ I feel much better every time I get mine 860 01:28:32,876 --> 01:28:35,292 ♪ Revenge 861 01:28:35,584 --> 01:28:37,542 [CRYING] 862 01:29:14,626 --> 01:29:17,209 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 59613

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