Original subtitles

WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

1 [Alarm Buzzing]

♪♪ [Violin Instrumental]

[Sighing]

- ♪♪ ["Wedding March'"] - I gotta go! Ripped By mstoll

- Good morning. - Don't you guys open at 6:30? It's 6:42.

I'm gonna need a poppy seed bagel, cream cheese, Tabasco and a lot of coffee.

- Oh, my God. Where is that phone number? - [Phone Beeps On]

♪♪ [Folk]

Yeah. Hi. Is this Zippy Print in Dallas?

My name is Isabel Evans. I ordered 150 wedding place cards last week.

Right. Well, they were supposed to be overnighted to me yesterday.

- So where are they? - ♪♪ [Man Singing]

Look, buddy, your labor problems are not my labor problems. What's your name?

All right, Ed. I'd like to speak to your manager.

♪♪ [Man Singing]

- ♪♪ [Continues, Indistinct] - [Maria] Good night.

Good night.

Well, I ordered the floral arrangements three days ago.

I still need them here by Friday. No, I don't want a refund.

I want them here on time or else.

Trust me. You don't wanna know what that means.

- Flowers Friday or else. - [Phone Beeps Off]

- More pie? - No.

Liz, thank you. I'm sorry for being such a bitch today.

Don't even worry about it. I don't know what I would be like three days before my wedding.

How 'bout me? Imagine the stress involved getting married to Michael.

- [Sighs] - Well, are you... are you nervous at all?

Not about the wedding, but about getting married. It's for the rest of your life.

- Honestly, no. - [Maria] You're that sure?

I guess I am.

Hmm. I really respect that.

- [Chuckles] Thanks. - [Maria] I mean, here I am...

totally in love with this amazing guy, but, it's, like, marry him?

- Please. - [Liz] Oh, my God. I know. Could you imagine?

- What if I had married Max? - [Maria] Ooh. Stress.

- [Gasps] - You okay?

Yeah. I'm... fine. I'm fine.

♪♪ [Rock]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Ends]

- [Electric Drill Whirring] - [Distant Chattering]

Well? Well? Come on. I need an answer.

- I'm still lookin'. - I'm not talkin' to you. Hello?

I'm talkin' to you, Phil. Make sure the same time slot's gonna be open on Saturday.

Yeah. Well, you find out.

Okay. So what's the deal? Okay. Hello?

- I'm talkin' to you now, Gomer. What's wrong with the bus? - Well, Mr. Karter...

Da, da, da, da. No "Mr." No last name. No first name.

- Just Karter with a "K." - 'Kay.

Look, I don't know what the problem is yet, so why don't you and the band...

go get a little cup of coffee and come back in an hour or two?

[Exhales] Great. We're stuck for two hours in some rat hole called Roston, New Mexico.

- Roswell. - I'm not talkin' to you.

- Let K.Z.A.B. Know we have to rebook the interview. - [Woman On P.A., Indistinct]

- Who am I talking to? Shirley? - Hey. You got a minute?

[Sighs] I got all the time you need.

I don't know. It was just the strangest dream.

It was like it was me, but it wasn't me. Thanks.

Like I was saying and doing things I had no control over...

like it wasn't me, but it was me.

Yeah. You know, they say you should write down your dreams as soon as you wake up.

I don't know. The whole thing just felt really... dangerous.

But I was thrilled by it... by this man, this familiar man.

It was pretty erotic. I mean...

Don't tell anyone, but when I woke up in the Crashdown...

I was so disappointed, I literally had to take a cold shower.

- That's quite a visual. - Shut up.

Look, don't let it get to you. Don't... I mean, don't you really think...

that this is just a case of the pre-wedding jitters infecting your dream life?

- Jitters? Surely you jest. - No.

- And don't call me Shirley. ...call me Shirley. - [Phone Rings]

- We are spending way too much time together. Hold on. - [Phone Beeps On]

Hello? What? Are you out of your mind?

- No jitters there. - Ohh! Thanks, Kyle. No.

No, that's not gonna work. No! I'm not changing the date. It's not an option.

- [Karter] Listen! - God, I hate cell phones.

I don't understand. How do you run a business this way?

- You take an order, you take my payment and then... - Isabel.

- Hi. - [Philip] How...[Clears Throat] How are you?

Fine.

- Yeah, I'm sorry... - Honey, wait.

I know that you're hurt and you're angry, and we understand, but...

But you need to understand the reason we're not coming isn't because we don't love you.

Of course not. But we can't support this. It's...

You listen to me. This is my wedding, and no one will screw it up. No one!

[Man, Distant] Come on, man!

[Sighs] So how was Los Angeles?

Not quite what I expected. How's, uh...

- How are you? - Under a lot of pressure. Two days and counting, you know?

Yeah.

Just say it, Max. You don't want me to marry Jesse. It's okay.

Believe me. People aren't exactly jumping for joy when they hear the news.

Everyone's just a little concerned.

It's not that we don't like Jesse.

It's that you don't know Jesse. It's how sudden this is.

It's that you don't want me to make a mistake I will regret for the rest of my life.

I know. I have heard it all.

Don't you think there's a reason everyone keeps telling you the same thing?

Like maybe we're right.

Or maybe you could trust me.

I would like to believe that my family would find a way to be there for me.

- You know we will. - No. I don't.

Mom and Dad aren't coming to my wedding.

My parents aren't coming to my wedding.

I can say it, but I can't quite make myself believe it.

- I'm sorry. I didn't know. - It doesn't matter, okay?

All that matters is that I know that Jesse is the one.

Hey!

- What's this? - Well, this is a setup.

Hello, Max.

- Hi. - Hi. Did you tell him?

Well, I thought I'd let you ask, dear. Tradition.

Right.

[Clears Throat] I, uh...

I know we don't know each other too well yet, but since we're going to be family...

I thought that...

Actually, Isabel and I thought that maybe we could start things off on the right foot...

by asking you if, uh... if you would consider being my best man.

Your best man?

Yeah. What do you say, Max?

- [Half Chuckles] - Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. I'd be honored.

Oh. Great.

First we need a sample of his blood... make sure he's not an alien.

Oh, yeah. That'll be easy.

Then we check into his background, talk to his family, his friends...

try and find out everything we can about this guy.

We can't let Isabel know.

She already feels abandoned by most of her family. If she knows I'm not into this...

- Max, you're not into this. - I know.

I know, but now that I stupidly agreed to be best man, I can't let her know that.

No, not until I have something solid on Jesse.

[Jesse] Magruder called this afternoon, and he said there's still a chance...

we can rent the lodge for the reception...

but he can't commit until the Elks officially cancel.

[Sighs] Jesse, are you sure about this?

No cold feet or last-minute butterflies?

Yeah, I'm sure.

I don't think I've ever been more sure about anything in my life.

Okay. Good.

- Are you sure? - Oh, I'm sure. Nothing is stopping this wedding. Nothing.

[Sighs] Yeah.

- I gotta go meet the new photographer. Bye. - Hey, wait a minute.

- Something's wrong. I can tell. - No, it's just last-minute wedding stuff.

- Well, don't stay up all night worrying about it. - Don't worry. I won't.

[Sniffs]

[Ominous Hooting]

[Isabel's Voice] Do you approve?

- [Man's Voice] Do you need my approval? - No.

- [Man] Does your husband like this face? - [Isabel] He's not my husband.

- [Man] You won't marry him. - [Isabel] You can't stop me.

[Man] You'll stop yourself.

You will always be mine.

[Birds Chirping]

Good morning.

Oh, my God.

[Knocking]

- Hi. - Hi.

- Is everything okay? - Yeah. Fine.

Uh, Liz and I were a little worried... [Swallows] when you didn't show up...

so when I got a break, I thought I'd just pop on over and see how the wedding's going.

[Gasps] Oh, my God. What time is it? What day is this?

- It's Saturday. 11:30. - Oh, God. Oh, my God, Maria. I'm really late.

Um, I was supposed to be at the pavilion an hour ago to meet with the florist...

and I gotta pick up your bridesmaids' dresses right now.

Right now I have to do that. I was supposed to do that a really long time ago.

Actually, if I had had more time... And I actually have to...

drop off a check at the lodge or they're gonna give my space away to someone else.

- Geez. No, no, no. It's okay. - Oh, my God. I'm gonna just...

Sit down. Sit down. Don't worry about it. Just... There's...

Just don't worry. There's no problems.

Everything's gonna be fine. I promise you.

- I'm gonna help you, okay? - You're gonna help me?

- Mm-hmm. - Thank you.

- Thank you, Maria. Okay. - Okay.

Okay. You can start with, um... um...

You know what? Just start with everything. I gotta go.

- What? You're gonna go? - Yeah. I gotta run.

Um, thank you so much... so much, Maria.

[Door Closes]

- This is so not like Isabel. Something's gotta be wrong. - No argument.

But you know what? The wedding is tomorrow, and what I've been able to gather by glancing...

at everything is that there's, like, a million things that should've been done yesterday.

So here's what I'm thinking. We should just jump into this right now with both feet...

and take control of the situation...

- Or we could sit back and let it all fall apart. - Exactly.

So what's the most pressing emergency?

[Sighs] Um, my dress, your dress and her dress, in that order.

My dress and your dress.

- Let me just show you what she picked out for us. - [Gasps]

I don't think I can do this shawl collar. Let's try the double-breasted.

Hey, Jesse... Hey. Uh, congratulations.

All the best. I mean, you're really gettin' a great girl.

- Thanks, um... Don't tell me. - Michael.

- We met in... - Utah. Right. I'm bad with names.

No. Don't sweat that. So, 25 hours and countin'.

- You've gotta be gettin' nervous. - Oh. You know it.

- Yeah. Oh, that's sharp right there. - Thanks.

Um, so Max tells me that you're a local boy.

- [Jesse] Yeah. Born and raised. - And then you went to Harvard.

Yeah. First I did my undergraduate work at Cornell.

That's in upstate New York, right?

- Why so far away? - Couple reasons. Scholarship was one.

Uh, mostly just wanted to get out of New Mexico.

Yeah. I can relate. Family problems, right?

No, no. Nothing like that. Uh, this restless feeling, you know?

Just an overwhelming desire to see something outside my window besides the desert.

Yeah, I know that feeling. I'm dying to get out of this place.

- Tell me about Cornell. What was it like? - Oh, it was beautiful.

It sits up on this hill overlooking Lake Cayuga.

There's a lot of great hiking trails. The woods are gorgeous.

Anyway, I didn't make the Law Review...

so I knew I wouldn't be clerking for anyone on the Supreme Court.

- No. Of course not. - [Max] Wait. Could we go back for a minute?

You said you changed apartments between your second and third year at Harvard.

- Why'd you move? - [Chuckling]

- What? Are you guys interrogating me or something? - No.

- No. No, no, no. - Just curious. You know, small-town boys...

eager to hear about the outside world.

- Wow. That's sharp. - Right.

I mean, you've been a lot of places that we really haven't, so...

- [Jesse] Well, that's true. - [Max] Roswell is Roswell.

[Jesse] Yeah. You can say that again.

Here, here. Try this on.

- Ouch! - You okay?

- There's still a pin in there. - [Max] Here. - I'm sorry about that.

- There's still a pin in the jacket. - Oh, Max...

we gotta go, 'cause we gotta do that thing we gotta do.

- Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. - Yeah.

- Okay. All right. - It was nice talkin' to ya.

- So, you know, good luck. - Thanks.

- [Max] See you later. - All right, Max.

Thanks, guys.

[Sighs] We got bad news, Maxwell.

Jesse Ramirez is... ta-da... human.

Yeah. Nice red blood cells. Not a green one in the bunch.

- [Knocking] - I gotta go.

- [Knocking Continues, More Insistent] - All right! I'm comin'!

Michael, I'm in trouble. We may all be in trouble.

There's an alien out there somewhere, and he's after me.

You know, it might just be a dream, Isabel. You're under a lot of pressure, anxiety.

And what's so strange about dreamin' about an alien?

No. This is an alien who...

who knows me, who's intimate with me.

- I mean... I mean, what if it's... Oh, God. - Who?

Kivar. What if it's Kivar?

- So what if it is? It's probably still just a dream. - Yeah. Okay.

Think about it for a second. Who's Kivar? He's a man you had an affair with.

No. That wasn't me. That was that other person.

That was you on another planet, okay?

And how did this illicit affair turn out? It got us all killed.

- This isn't helping. - Because you're not listening.

Don't you see what's going on? It's just a dream, Isabel.

Your subconscious mind is screwing with you.

I mean, you know, guilt? You feel guilty about what you did back then.

I don't even know what I did back then for sure. I mean, all I really know...

is that I betrayed you and Max and my whole family for this... this Kivar.

[Sighs] God. Why?

What is wrong with me? Who does something like that?

[Sighs]

What if I betray Jesse the way I betrayed all of you?

No. Sit down.

[Sighs]

None of us know what happened in that life. All we know for certain...

is who we are in this life, and in this life, you're Isabel.

And Isabel isn't the kind of person who's gonna betray her husband.

What if they're not just dreams? What if Kivar's really trying to contact me?

So what? Kivar isn't here.

He's up there somewhere on a different planet.

- If he's trying to contact you, then we'll deal with it. - Okay.

- Yeah, okay. [Sighs] - Good.

What is this?

A school project.

Huh. Whose blood is this?

Is this Jesse's blood? Are you testing his blood now?

And he passed! 'Cause I knew he would pass. I told Max.

Max is in on this?

Oh, thank God you're here. Oh. Okay.

Um, here's the situation. There's a slight kink in the plans.

Your... Your dress is in Florida.

What? What?

Oh, God.

- [Door Opens] - [Diane Laughs] Who would've thought?

[Philip] That's true.

- Hi. - What are you doing here, Max?

I, uh, needed... for the wedding.

- So you're going? - Yeah. It's kinda complicated...

but I'm, uh, the best man.

Really? I thought you didn't approve.

Well, not entirely, but, you know... family.

So how is your sister? I mean, she must be getting nervous.

[Philip] Knowing Isabel, I'm sure she's got everything...

completely wired right down to the number of petals on the roses.

Well, actually, she's been having kind of a tough time.

- Oh? - Yeah. The, uh, dressmaker lost her wedding dress, so...

[Chuckles]

[Clears Throat]

So you're still not going to the wedding?

She's making the biggest mistake of her life, Max. I can't stand there...

with a smile on my face and pretend to be happy about it.

You don't, you'll lose her.

You and I, we're having problems...

and I don't know what to do about that right now...

but I hope that eventually we'll work it out.

But you miss your own daughter's wedding, and I don't think you'll ever work that out.

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

♪♪ [Woman Singing Folk]

Liz, what the hell is goin' on? I just got a call from the bakery about a wedding cake?

Uh, yeah. I'm catering Isabel's wedding.

- [Exhales Forcefully] I'm not laughing. - I'm not joking.

First of all, this is not a charity. This is a business.

- It's being paid for. - Second of all, I'm not stupid.

I know Max is gonna be in this wedding, and if you think...

you've found some sort of loophole to be around him, well, it's not gonna work.

I'm helping out a friend. See, my parents, they taught me that friends help each other.

So unless you plan on having me put away in handcuffs...

I'm gonna behave like the person I was raised to be.

- Now, excuse me. - [Sighs]

- Come on. You need a band at the reception. - Not a country western band.

- We need the exposure. - You can play the bachelor party. How's that?

[Sighs] Hey, Kyle, tell her how good we are.

I'm not your publicist.

I need to talk to you. Um, I want you to do something for me...

at the wedding... during the ceremony actually.

It's not an usher, is it? I look so bad in those monkey suits.

- I mean, I'm touched and all, but... - No. I want you to give me away.

- You mean... - Walk me down the aisle.

My, um... My parents aren't going...

and since I sort of think of you as a father figure, I thought...

- What do you say? - [Sighs]

- Yes. Yes. I'd be honored. - Thank you.

- Have a seat. - I get it.

- I don't know what you're talking about. - I get it, okay?

The whole "stuck in Mayberry until we're nice to Gomer" routine.

Sorry I hurt your poor little feelings. Now, how much will it take...

to get you to fix the bus so the band can get back on the road...

and make the air dates I keep booking and canceling?

- You manage a band? - No, Alice.

I'm the program director of seven... count 'em... seven radio stations...

spread across the southwestern United States. [Snorts]

- What band? - [Sighs] Ivy.

Ivy? Here?

Unfortunately.

Let's talk.

♪♪ [Valenti Singing Country Rock]

♪♪ [Continues Singing]

[All Howling]

- So what happened after the two of you passed the bar exam? - We went our separate ways.

I didn't really see him again until probably a year ago.

- What was he doing then? - Private practice, working for a big-time corporate law firm.

You boys don't play much nine ball out here, do ya?

- ♪♪ [Continues] - [Kyle] Not like you Harvard boys.

Ooh! It's like a nightmare, isn't it?

It just keeps gettin' worse and worse.

And that's the game. That's 20 big ones, my friend.

I'd love to sit here and answer questions all night...

but I'm married, this is a bachelor party, and time is a-wastin'.

Whoa. Excuse me.

Max, it's time to let it go. You're not gonna find anything on that guy...

because there's nothin' to find.

My alien friend, there's someone I'd like you to meet.

Hey, I'm Max Evans, the best man. So tell me, how long have you known Jesse?

[Crickets Chirping]

[Kivar's Voice] You will always be mine.

[Isabel's Voice] I marry him tomorrow.

- [Kivar] It means nothing. - [Isabel] It means I'm finished with you.

Good-bye, Kivar.

♪♪ [Singing]

[Man] Yeah!

Yeah. We talked on the phone all the time.

I mean, except for when he was doin' that F.B.I. Thing.

- F.B. I? - I don't know what he did, man. He wouldn't talk about it.

Said it was classified, national security, that kind of stuff.

[Man] I can't believe you sunk the nine ball again.

- Double or nothin'. - You read my mind.

[Chuckles]

♪♪ [Continues Singing]

You interrogating my friends?

- Just asking questions. - [Clears Throat]

[Inaudible Dialogue]

[All Exclaiming]

It's like a nightmare, isn't it?

Oh, so that's what that was all about in the tuxedo shop too, wasn't it?

You and your friend tryin' to build some kind of dossier on me?

Dossier? That's an interesting word for someone who used to work for the F.B.I.

What? What are you talkin' about? I never worked for the F.B.I.

Louis said you had a mysterious classified job at the F.B.I.

[Shrieking Laugh] Louis is an idiot.

I did an internship at the D.E.A. For a semester...

and, yeah, some of it was classified...

but what the hell business is it of yours anyway?

You lookin' for some dirt on me?

Some excuse to get Isabel to call off the wedding?

- That's not it. - The hell it isn't!

Yeah. I'm callin' you a cheater!

- Say it to my face! - Come on, guys.

Nobody makes shots like that. It's a statistical impossibility.

- How would you know? - I'm a statistician.

- Whoo-hoo. - Whatever. Just give him his money back, man.

- Richie, what's goin' on? - These redneck jerk-offs are tryin' to hustle us.

- What did you just call us? - [Max] Look. Everybody just calm down.

- I said you're a redneck jerk-off!. - [Max] Calm down.

- [Jesse] Max. - [Max] Back off, man.

[Woman Screeches]

[Man] Watch it!

- [Groaning] - ♪♪ [Ends]

- You broke his nose? - I didn't mean to. It just... happened.

Oh, it just happened.

You just happened to be swinging your fist in the air, and he happened to step in front of it!

Look, I am sorry. It was a party.

People were drinking too much. I didn't... Things got out of control.

Oh. Like your investigation.

Is that one of those things that got a little out of control?

- I can explain. - Don't bother. I understand perfectly.

You don't trust me.

It's not about trust.

It is all about trust, Max.

[Sighs] Do you really think I would marry someone I don't even know...

someone who might be secretly working for the F.B.I. Or even an alien?

Don't you think that I have walked through his dreams a few times...

and that maybe I checked on his alien status a long time ago!

God, Max!

The irony here is that I trusted you...

I trusted you to stand up at my wedding when my whole family bailed.

I trusted you to be there for me...

and you weren't.

♪♪ [Classical]

Hey.

It's fine.

I know it's not exactly what you wanted, but...

- We searched every store in Roswell, really. - No. It's fine.

And thank you... thank you both so much for everything you've already done...

and it'll be really... really fine.

- [Door Opening] - [Diane] It's lovely.

I mean, really, it is...

but I just thought that maybe as an option...

- [Sighs] - This was my wedding dress, girls...

and my mother wore it before I did, and I'd be honored...

- Mom. - I don't know if we could possibly get it altered.

No, no. I will... find a way.

Good.

[Woman] There he is.

[Knocking]

- Guess who's here. - Hey. [Max Clears Throat]

Can I leave you two alone, or do I have to referee?

Thanks, Mom.

- Uh, I picked up a steak on the way over. - It's an old wives' tale, Max.

- Look, I just... I wanted to say that, uh... - Forget about it.

No. Really. I... I was way out of line interrogating your friends.

I mean, Isabel's obviously in love with you...

and you obviously make her happy.

And... I don't know... I couldn't accept that.

You probably know this from all of your research.

My father died when I was 13.

What you probably don't know is that it was four years before my mother saw another man.

And I couldn't take it, not even then. I hated him.

- You didn't want anyone replacing your father. - Partially, yeah.

But even more than that, it was... They weren't good enough for my mother.

No one, to tell you the truth, could ever be good enough for my mother...

so I understand.

No one's ever going to be good enough for Isabel.

- I'll get over it. - Maybe.

I never did. But we gotta put it behind us, all right?

Because even if we're not going to be friends, we are going to be family.

[Chuckles Softly]

- So you wanna eat that steak or what? - Uh...

Um, just, uh, hold it there.

It just takes a second.

Ah, I don't know. Take a look.

Yeah.

- Will you look at that? - ♪♪ [Violin Instrumental]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Wedding Instrumental]

- This is it. Are you ready? - I don't think so.

May I?

♪♪ [Woman Singing]

I, Isabel Amanda, take thee, Jesse Esteban, to be my wedded husband.

I, Jesse Esteban, take thee, Isabel Amanda, to be my wedded wife.

- [Isabel] In sickness and in health. - In plenty and in want.

- In joy and in sorrow. - For as long as we both shall live.

By the authority committed unto me as minister...

of the church of Jesus Christ...

I now proclaim that Jesse and Isabel are husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

[All Cheering]

♪♪ [Ends]

[Max] If I could have your attention, please.

Hi. I'm Max Evans, the best man.

[Clears Throat]

Isabel and I, uh...

Well, I'm sure you all know the story...how they found us.

Little kids wandering in the desert.

No one knew where we came from or where we belonged.

We didn't know anything either... who our parents were, how we got there.

All we had was each other.

Two people took us in, gave us names, made us part of their family...

something I'll always... we'll always be grateful for.

Growing up, I was always... I always felt very protective of my big sister.

I always tried to look out for her.

- [Low, Scattered Laughter] - I guess...

what I've come to realize is that she doesn't need me anymore to protect her.

She's too strong for that.

So, uh, to Jesse.

- Welcome to the family. - [Mouths Words]

I think you'll find it's going to be an interesting experience.

[Scattered Laughter]

And to Isabel.

I love you. I trust you.

And I wish you all the happiness in the world.

- To Jesse and Isabel. - [All] To Jesse and Isabel.

To Jesse and Isabel.

[Applause]

All right, Karter. You're on.

Hit it.

♪♪ [Melodic Rock]

[Applause]

♪♪ [Singing]

- ♪♪ [Continues, Indistinct] - There's a chafing dish in my truck. Can you get that?

- Right away. - Dad?

- Yes? - I'm gonna dance with Max.

Not because it's tradition and not because I found some kind of loophole...

but because it's my choice.

We love each other, and we are gonna be together.

And I love you too.

- ♪♪ [Singing Continues] - [Inaudible Dialogue]

[Inaudible Dialogue]

[Inaudible Dialogue]

Stay calm and keep smiling, Isabel.

- You're not here. You're not really here. - Oh, I am here.

I've, um, come for you.

- No. I'm dreaming or sleeping or something. - May I?

To your happy day, and, uh...

many more happy days still to come.

I'll see you soon.

Can I, uh... Can I dance with the bride?

- Kyle, did you just see that guy that was here? - The guy you were talking to?

- You saw him? You really saw him? - Sure. Yeah.

- Why? Who is he? - Someone who can't be here.

♪♪ [Singing Continues] Ripped By mstoll

♪♪ [Ends]