Original subtitles

(ominous music)

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

(knife chopping)

(light quirky music)

- [Pumpkin] Death to all teenagers who fuck.

(pumpkin vomiting)

(pumpkin breathing heavy)

("Funeral March of a Marionette")

(lawnmower revving)

(pumpkin chuckling)

- This is me 13 years ago.

Hi, my name is Mary.

This is my big sister Pam. (upbeat music)

She's getting ready for the Halloween Pumpkin Prom.

(man moaning)

- Damn it daddy, what are you doing?

- Nothing dear.

I was just mowing the lawn.

- Sure daddy, that's what you always say.

- [Male] Well, here we are.

- Guy, you're such an adult.

When my mother told me I'd have to be

taking care of my sister and her friends,

I thought I'd have to miss the Halloween Pumpkin Prom.

- [Guy] Oh not on your life.

They won't be any trouble at all.

- Now Mary, you're in charge.

And I want you to make sure that

Bambi, Rosie, and Johnny don't get into any trouble.

- [Mary] Okay.

- Have a good time!

(ominous music)

(kids screaming)

(pumpkin laughing)

- [Mary] Halloween has always been a special

time of the year for me.

(ominous music)

You may think I'm crazy,

but there really is a pumpkin headed lawnmower killer.

And he really did chop up my big sister Pam

with a power lawnmower.

I still have nightmares.

It all happened 13 years ago today.

(light music)

(ominous music)

(male groaning)

(blonde screaming)

(nightgown ripping)

(male screaming)

Damn it daddy, what are you doing?

- Nothing darling, just, mowing the lawn.

- Sure daddy, that's what you always say.

- I don't have time for breakfast.

I've got a hysterectomy at nine.

Has anyone seen my scalpel?

Damien sweetheart, have you seen daddy's scalpel?

Damien.

- This one?

- No, not that one.

Where did I put that?

- Dad, don't forget.

You and mom promised to chaperone

the Halloween Pumpkin Prom tonight.

- Of course I'll be there.

How could I forget my little girls

Halloween Pumpkin Prom?

Where is the scalpel?

- Will this do dear?

- What would I do without you?

Oh.

(glass shattering)

I don't wanna upset you,

but if anything happens,

I just want you to know I love you.

- Oh!

And I love you too!

- [Damien] So long pops!

- Oh your father's been under a terrible strain lately.

I think it's beginning to show.

- Yeah.

He's acting like he just killed somebody.

- Mary!

Your father is a doctor!

He kills people every day!

(phone ringing)

- Yeah!

Murder?

Yeah.

Nurse?

Yeah, where?

Oh, yeah.

Bloody?

Yeah.

Arm severed.

Yeah, actual pieces.

Yeah, yeah, I get the picture.

No, no it's not a pretty one.

I'll be right there, yeah.

(slow light music)

Gun.

Monkey.

(ominous music)

(top clanking)

(slow light music)

(faint screaming)

(siren blaring)

(cans clanking)

Alright, who is she?

- One of our night shift people, a nurse.

- What was she doing out here?

- She worked here.

The hospital.

- Detective, there's something you should know.

- One of your crazies escaped last night.

- How did you know that?

- Well it's obvious, look over here.

Any damn fool can see that.

Look it here!

There's a rope hanging out of the window!

(male moaning)

Dust.

- [Male Staff] One of the other nurses heard her say,

"I think I'll take a shortcut

"through the woods tonight."

- [Officer] Typical nurse move.

No human could have done this.

Must be the work of a wild animal.

- Maybe a werewolf.

- Or maybe the Lawnmower Killer.

(officer laughs)

Go ahead kid laugh,

but you're too young to remember those ghastly, grizzly,

ghoulish, god awful murder in this states history!

I was four when it happened.

I wouldn't sleep until the murderer was brought to justice.

- You mean you haven't slept in 13 years?

- I'm 31 years old doc, you tell me.

No forget it.

I wanna know about this crazy who escaped.

Who was he?

- [Male Staff] We don't know.

Rackets were burning a fire.

- [Detective] Is he dangerous?

- 13 years he's been locked in his room

watching TV talk shows.

The only people he knows are Moreau,

and Mike, and Phil, and Dina and Johnny.

Answer your question?

- Poor bastard.

(bald male laughing)

- We found this in his room.

- It's a calendar.

- Good.

- And today's date circled.

In blood.

(eerie music)

He's back.

After 13 years he's back

and I'm gonna nail him this time.

- What?

- No, who.

- I don't know, I'm asking you.

- What?

- Who?

- Who what?

- I don't understand.

- Forget it!

All I know is today is October the 31st.

31 backwards is 13.

It's Friday, it's Halloween.

It's the 13th anniversary of the Lawnmower Killings.

There's a crazy loose.

It's prom night.

I'm gonna need coffee.

(bald male laughing)

(light music)

- [Male] Hi Mary.

- [Mary] Hi Norman.

- How are you this morning?

- I'm fine, how are you this morning?

- Well, I am so excited about,

well, about--

- Making love for the first time tonight?

- Right.

- Oh I know Norman.

I can't think of anyone in the world

I'd rather lose my virginity to.

- Yeah.

(Norman revs up)

I know what you mean.

(Norman revving up)

- Norman!

- Mary.

- [Mary] Stop that right now!

- Mary, I can't help it

if I sound like a lawnmower

every time I get excited.

(Norman revving up)

- Can you stop that!

- I'm okay, it's okay.

It's okay now.

- Oh Norman, how are we ever going to make love?

I'm the only virgin in the whole school.

But every time I hear that lawnmower sound I, I, I...

- I think this might turn the trick.

- Oh Norman.

Earplugs.

How thoughtful.

- I love you Mary.

- I love you too Norman.

Don't you think we should be getting on to school now?

- I'd rather get onto you Mary.

- Oh.

("Funeral March of a Marionette")

- [Woman] Are you and Norman really gonna do it tonight?

After the prom.

- So you're finally gonna picnic on Normans hot dog.

- Rosie!

I'm not gonna picnic on anyone's hot dog!

I'm nervous enough about tonight already.

- Still thinking about your sister?

(chimes chiming)

- I don't know about you guys,

but I still have nightmares.

(chimes chiming)

- You know, I wonder whatever happened to Johnny.

Just think, a little guy like that

running away at four-years-old.

- Yeah, must have been a real nightmare for him

trying to find a job and being so short.

- Could we change the subject?

It's giving me the creeps.

Did you get a date yet Bambi?

- No.

I still have a full school day to work on it.

Are you still going with Tony Schlongini

or did he get kicked out of school

for wearing his pants too tight?

♪ Everyone's talking about him

♪ People that know him just love him

♪ So if you're feeling down

♪ Or if you're feeling blue

♪ This dude will make you feel super cool

♪ Tony Schlongini

♪ I am respected, oh yeah

♪ Tony Schlongini

♪ Girls always pulling out my hair

♪ When I'm with Rosie around

♪ Be holding the saddle for miles

♪ My temperature rises

♪ My soul realizes

♪ She almost approaches my league when she's hot

♪ Tony Schlongini

♪ Ow

- [Rosie] Very funny.

- Maybe I could ask Norma to fix you up with someone.

- Oh, I don't know.

I don't wanna end up with some mystery date.

(school bell ringing)

("Funeral March of a Marionette")

- Watch this.

- [Mary] Oh leave him alone.

- He's already gone through two pairs of pants this week.

- Hi gorgeous.

- You know, you got champagne taste sweetheart.

- How ya doing?

- I'm just burning some homework.

- Sneak preview.

- [Male With Glasses] Huh?

- Guess what?

I'm not wearing any panties.

And I'm not gonna be wearing any tonight either.

What do ya think about that?

See ya tonight.

(spring stretching)

Come on girls.

- Oh my god.

- Don't be embarrassed by Rosie's crass attitude.

Why, I bet half the girls in this school

don't wear panties.

But Tony, I want you to know

that not all girls are like that.

I'm wearing mine, see.

- Oh my god.

- So, forget about it.

- My god Harbinger.

Look at you, you're a mess.

You haven't shaved in a week, you need a haircut.

And what's with the suit, you sleeping in it?

- Chief I gotta talk to ya. (siren blaring)

- Harbinger, every Halloween for 13 years

you've come in here screaming about a lawnmower murder.

- Chief, this time it's different.

It's the 13th anniversary.

- I don't give a damn if its Jack The Ripper's birthday.

Now look, I'm not sending three cops

to some Pumpkin Prom looking for a psycho

with a pumpkin head, a big nose,

and a bunch of garden tools!

- If you don't believe me,

maybe you'll believe this guy.

- [Chief] Harbinger!

- Chief, this is Dr. Denton.

- The way you dot your I's, it's very anal.

I love you.

How do you do?

Your secretary has a magnificent butt.

- Who is this guy?

- He happens to be one of the fine--

- I can speak for myself.

I happen to be one of the finest psychoanalysts

in the state mental facility.

Ask me again and I'll tell you the same.

Nice haircut, you repressed?

- Who is this clown?

- He called me a clown.

That upsets me.

- Get him out of here.

- I feel unneeded.

I can't function as an unneeded person!

- Chief, we need this guy.

Please.

Apologize.

- No!

No, it's too late!

You've inflicted emotional wounds

which may take years to heal!

- Get him out of here!

- But,

I understand your problem.

And your haircut.

So I will be a good citizen and cooperate.

- Just tell the chief what you told me.

- I love black women.

- No, about the patient who escaped!

- Well the guy was a wacko.

They brought him in 13 years ago.

His records were destroyed in a fire.

All I know is that he saw something horrible and violent.

And retreated completely into a psyche.

- Is he capable of murder?

- Well, he's catatonically introverted

with undertones of psychotic schizophrenia.

- What does that mean?

- If you piss him off, run.

- That's it.

Thank you doctor.

Doctor.

- [Denton] No, on the other hand there could be a--

- [Chief] Doctor.

- Now on the other hand I might have a few

other theories that might be of interest to you.

- [Chief] You're a great help!

- Damn it Chief, the Lawnmower Killer is back

and I'm gonna get him.

Now I've got Olsen and Johnson waiting out in the hall

waiting to stake out that school.

All we needs a sign from you.

Will you give me that sign Chief!

(drum roll)

Does that mean no?

(solemn music)

(detective speaking low)

- Hey Harbinger, are you gonna get

the Lawnmower maniac this year?

- Harbinger, bust any lawnmowers lately?

- Shouldn't you be staking out

the pumpkin patch about now?

- Harbinger, mow this!

- Excuse me!

- What do you want?

- I need to talk to you about something

that happened 13 years ago.

It involves Halloween, and prom night,

a lawnmower, a pumpkin head,

and a large nose.

- Buzz out of here wise guy!

- No wait!

Doesn't this ring a bell?

(hums "Funeral March of a Marionette")

(men laughing)

- Laugh it off nimrod!

(men imitate lawnmower)

Alright, I'm warning you guys now!

I've got your home address!

I know where you live!

Get out of here you weirdo.

- No one ever listens to me.

They'll be sorry.

They'll see.

They'll all see.

- Science is a discipline which involves

observational procedures, patterns of argument,

and methods of presentation,

and of course, careful calculations that are logical.

(fly buzzing)

(plate ringing)

The concepts that matter is in continual motion

must reveal over the concepts

that matter is in a state of static equilibrium.

Thus, as I am clearly demonstrating,

I've got to immerse

the molecular of starch of atoms in molecules

may not be considered binding.

Lola, if you please!

(light upbeat music) (class cheering)

Over here.

Yeah.

(blood splashing)

What's happening?

(teens moaning)

- [Norman] Dr. Moreau's a great teacher.

- He makes science so believable.

I hear he has his own island.

Not here Norman!

What would people think?

(teens moaning loudly)

- See you at lunch Schlong?

- Nah, I can't eat before the football game.

I get cramps.

- I don't know what you're so nervous about,

De Palmas creamed you guys for the last 13 years.

- Uh yeah?

Well tonight's gonna be different.

We're gonna tear 'em limb from limb.

You know, Dr. Moreau was telling--

- Dr. Moreau made us swear never to tell living soul

about the secret serum he's gonna give us.

The serum that's gonna turn our team of pansies

into a pack of wild animals.

So shut up.

- Sorry.

- It's okay.

- No, I apologize.

- [Norman] It's okay.

- No, now I feel very bad--

- Tony, it's okay.

- [Norman] We'll see you girls later.

(light music)

- Sure, they laugh now,

but they don't remember that fatal night 13 years ago.

Something evil gripped this town.

I need a coffee.

That's when I started drinking.

(slow paced music)

I was just a rookie making my nightly rounds

that evening when I saw a beautiful

young girl in need of assistance.

Oh she couldn't of been more than 15 or 16,

but she was a whole woman.

I looked over at her and noticed her

pouting lips aching for mine.

As I drove along, we didn't say much,

but apparently she liked me.

She hiked up her skirt inch by inch by inch

revealing her creamy statutory thighs.

I reached over and gently tweaked...

No, no, no, that didn't really happen.

The true story is this.

I was working on a vice.

Did some routine undercover work

at the local massage parlor.

No!

"Bad Sergeant" she yelled as she cracked

her whip across my back.

I begged her to stop but she wouldn't.

Pain surged through my body.

Oh god, it was... (Harbinger screaming)

No wait a minute, no, no.

That didn't really happen either.

No, the true story,

and you gotta take my word for it this time, was this.

The family was hysterical, the Rabbi was dead.

I had to whip out my switch blade

and circumcise that kid myself.

God no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Look,

look, I'll give you the real true

honest to god flashback right now.

Yeah.

Now what happened was,

I was driving home late at night.

It was after the policeman's Halloween Ball.

Boy was I depressed.

I had to go dressed as a damn clown.

Maloni had stolen my costume that year.

It was about midnight when I got the call.

Some gruesome murder at the local high school.

(siren blaring)

It was the most grizzly thing I'd ever seen.

Blood was everywhere.

The bodies were unrecognizable.

The weapon of death was a large gas-powered lawnmower.

I was revolted.

But you know what really pissed me off

was Maloni standing there in my kangaroo suit.

I was so upset that I volunteered

for the job of breaking the news

to one of the victims parents.

A Doctor and Mrs. Graves.

Telling parents that their child is dead

is about the hardest thing I can think of.

I still haven't figured out an easy way to do it.

That's why I thought I'd ease on into it.

Trick-or-treat.

- Oh!

Well here's a nice shiny red apple.

- Police business.

I'd like to have a few words with ya.

- Oh I,

I...

- Look, if it's about the razor blades

in the apples again, it was an accident.

I was shaving over the fruit and one of them dropped in.

I'm sorry about the little boy

and it won't happen again.

Get the apple back.

- I'm afraid this is more important than that.

- Look out!

Over there!

(glass shattering)

I'm sorry, what were you saying?

- About your daughter.

- Pam, what about her?

- Well I don't know how to tell you this,

so I'll just have to be blunt.

Pam's been murdered.

And your other daughter Mary, she saw the whole thing.

She's bound to be screwed up by the terrible

images she must carry with her for the rest of her life.

(both parents gasp)

- Oh!

- Look, I'm sorry.

If it's any consolation...

See.

See, once again.

(woman gasping)

See, it's a giraffe.

Cute little devil huh?

(woman screaming)

That was 13 years ago

and I remember it just like it was yesterday.

(cans clanking)

Let them laugh all they want.

I'm gonna solve this case if it kills me.

I've got a picture of every dip

that's come into this lawnmower shop

for the last 13 years.

One of these dips is the Lawnmower Killer.

A man can only take so much shit

before he has to start throwing some of it back.

I think I know just where to start.

The perverted school gardener Deke.

Have you ever seen this man before?

- No.

Have you ever seen this woman before!

- Look, I'm not here to play games with you Deke!

- That's Zeke.

- So don't pretend you don't know what I'm here for!

- Well, let me guess.

This is the classic cast suspicion

on perverted school gardener scene?

- Oh you got it Deke!

- Zeke!

- Whatever.

Let's just remember I'm onto you.

You step out of line I'll be there.

You make a wrong move, I'll be there.

You take your clothes off, I'll be there.

(door slams)

- This day is lasting forever.

It seems like an eternity until tonight.

- The hours seem like days. - Oh yes.

- [Mary] The minutes seem like hours.

- The seconds seem like, like--

- A long time.

- Mary, tonight'll be the first time we've ever,

well, we've ever had a chance to--

- Pork.

(Norman revving up)

Norman!

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

I just got excited for a second.

You didn't tell anybody about my problem did you?

- No, of course not.

What's the matter?

Don't you trust me?

- Oh I'm sorry Mary, of course I trust you.

And I'm really honored that you're still a virgin.

Oh, Tony's in the pea soup again.

(ominous music)

(Tony spitting)

- It's good stuff.

(ominous music)

("Funeral March of a Marionette")

(elephant trumpets)

- Well, well, well, Dick Harbinger back again

this year to get all hot about Lawnmower Killer I suppose.

Well I have a lot more important things

to get all hot about then that.

Take a look at this young man here.

Take a good long look at the sinner.

Are you listening sinner?

- Yes.

- Yes.

A perfect example of today's depraved youth.

Yes, reduced by societies wanton lust

to nothing more than a pleasure seeking animal.

Sure.

When he's hungry he eats, when he's tired he sleeps,

and when he gets aroused, hoo!

I don't even like to think about it.

Yes, who can turn back the tide of this

rising boys hot blood?

Who can quell his thriving passions?

His parents couldn't clamp down.

Society couldn't clamp down.

But I, Harry Palms shall clamp on down.

(boy screaming)

Yes we shall.

What better way to stop a vice than rid a vice?

Are you a sinner!

- Yes I am!

- Do you repent of your sins?

- Yes I do, Mr. Palm.

(bones cracking) (boy gasps)

Whoa!

Look at him now.

Yes, gentle as a lamb and blank as a fart.

- How'd a gonad like you ever become vice principal?

- That's a good question my boy.

It's a good question.

Because I'm a man who understands

the vice and corruption among our

young men and women today.

Yes I do.

Why I've read about it, I've lectured about it,

I've taught about it, I've watched it all over.

Yes, look it!

I've even confiscated these 313 pairs

of delicious panties.

Yes, I have whips, chains, leather garters,

and even my own flock of adorable young sheep.

Yes, you ask me how this gonad got to be vice principal,

I'll tell ya.

Experience, I know vice.

- Damn it Harry Palms, we gotta killer loose around here

and I wanna know what the hell you're gonna do about it!

- Can I be frank, Dick?

- Well sure, Frank.

- Let me tell you frankly Dick, I'm just bored,

bored, bored, bored with this lawnmower crap

you've been giving me every year.

I'm sick of it to death.

Yes you're not a believer.

I can see it in your eyes.

I know it all.

It's a wives tale this lawnmower thing.

Why I know this school like I know

the back of my hand.

You don't have faith, you just trust in me.

I could help you.

I could help you become a believer.

I could lay hands on your head.

I'd love that.

- Uh huh.

- Am I getting through to you?

(teens snoring)

("Funeral March of a Marionette")

(Mary screaming)

(whistle blowing)

- [Everyone] What?

- Another lawnmower nightmare Ms. Graves?

Don't you think it's about time

you got over this silly lawnmower phobia of yours?

I realize you're bound to be screwed up

by the terrible images you'll carry around

with you the rest of your life,

but if one can't sleep in the library

without being disturbed,

where can one sleep?

I think you owe the entire library an apology.

- [Mary] I'm sorry.

("Funeral March of a Marionette")

- Norman.

Hey, tell me what's my combination?

- Yeah, it's 13, 13, 13.

- Can you repeat that?

-13, 13, 13.

- [Tony] Okay, thanks a lot man.

- Guess who?

- Alright alright, who, guess who.

Go ahead.

- No, guess who.

- [Tony] Who what?

- What?

- [Tony] Who?

- Where?

- I don't know where, I don't know who,

the lawnmower killer alright.

(Mary screams)

- Where! Where!

- Boy Tony, you really pulled a boner on that one.

How can you be such a geek?

- That's Zeke!

- Oh whatever.

How can you forget that it was Mary's sister Pam

who got chopped up into hamburger meat

by that fiend right before her eyes

and she's bound to be screwed up

by the images she must carry around with her

the rest of her life?

- I really apologize.

- That's okay.

- I don't mean it.

I'm sick.

- Forget it Tony.

- I really feel sick that you're sick about this so I'm--

- Tony!

It's alright!

- I'm sorry.

(gentle music)

(Mary screaming)

- [Norman] Oh my god.

- What, what, what!

My god!

Stand back!

(gun firing)

Out of bullets.

(ominous music)

- What is it?

- [Dick] A baby lawnmower.

- Who would do such a thing!

- [Dick] Oh darling.

- Hey!

- You'd be surprised the depths of depravity

some people would seem to...

(bald man chuckling)

(bald man laughing)

Don't even mess with me hood.

(Perky music)

Hey!

Hey come back!

Come back, stop!

Wait!

Halt!

(bowling pins falling)

(engine revving)

- Most accidents are caused by nothing

more than carelessness!

And a lack of respect for common courtesy!

Hey man, what are you doing?

- [Male] Go on man.

Hey man, stop!

- [Teacher] What're you doing man?

(car screeching)

- [Dick] Move out of the way!

- [Male] Where the hell are ya going!

(Rosie moaning)

(male screaming)

(girls giggling)

- Touchdown!

- Pretty handy with the car big guy.

I admire a man who knows how to put

424 cubic inches of hot

pounding pistols in its place.

- Oh, so do I little girl.

(Bambi purring)

- [Rosie] Oh Tony!

(everyone screaming)

- Get back down!

(car exploding)

- Wow.

I guess a big guy like you

already has a date for the Halloween Pumpkin Prom huh?

- Yes sweet cheeks, I got a date alright.

With destiny.

(everyone screaming)

- Tony it's never been that good.

Ever.

- Yeah, I'll give it a seven.

Alright sweetheart?

(sirens blaring)

(mom humming "Funeral March of a Marionette")

- Damien, how many times I have told you

this is not a toy!

(loud shattering)

Who is it?

Just a moment.

(Damien laughing)

(dramatic music) (mom screaming)

- Darling, I'm very busy.

I'm stitching up Mr. Cooper.

He just had a hysterectomy.

- [Intercom] Dr. Graves, Dr. Graves,

Mrs. Cooper is ready for her

hysterectomy in Operating Room 13.

We're waiting for you.

- I'm sorry darling, go ahead.

- It was thrown right through the front window

with a note attached.

It says, "It's Halloween, it's prom night.

"There's a psycho loose, so don't open the door,

"don't answer the phone, don't look in the attic,

"don't go to the bathroom, don't go into the ocean,

"and don't go into space 'cause no one

"can hear you scream.

"Signed, a friend."

- Marge!

You can't go into a tizzy every time

some nut throws a lawnmower through the window!

Take two aspirin, call me in the morning.

(phone dial tone)

(people chattering)

- I don't know why we bother to suit up anymore.

- Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

We haven't won a game in the

13 years I've been a senior you know.

- What is that coming out of your locker?

(ominous music)

What the hell?

- Now stand back.

- Don't touch it!

- Just stand back. - What is it!

- Relax, stand back. - Don't touch it!

- [Norman] What is it?

- Just stand back. - Don't touch it!

- [Norman] What is it!

- Stand back, it's my locker!

Relax.

- What is it?

(locker growling)

(dramatic music)

(everyone screaming)

- It's just a pair of my old gym socks.

I must of left them in there too long.

- [Norman] It's just like you Tony.

- I'm telling you Chief, he's back.

I saw him and I chased him.

Now we gotta get some down here right away.

- [Chief] Harbinger, I don't want anymore of your--

- Look Chief.

I pulled this lawnmower out of a girls locker today.

(male tapping)

I'll be off in a minute buddy.

Chief, now I've got suspects all over the place here.

The Geek.

- That's Zeke!

- The Looney.

A weirdo.

A jock.

I even began to worry about my own son, Little Dick.

Chief, this is a matter of life and death.

I don't know what's the matter with you guys down there.

- [Chief] Harbinger, this is the work of a werewolf.

That's right.

Now we're gonna find the werewolf

and get a conviction from him.

Fact is, tactical squad is out looking for him in the woods.

- [Bambi] What's wrong Mary?

- I'm just allergic to these damn pom poms.

- I know that's not it.

- I'm scared about tonight.

- About making it with Norman

or getting hacked up by the lawnmower killer?

- Or both?

- No, I'm gonna miss cheerleading.

It's our last game.

("Graduation March")

We're seniors guys.

We're young, pretty, popular,

white Anglo-Saxon protestants.

Cheerleading is all we know.

But after tonight our creamy white thighs,

sparkling smiles, and pouting breasts

won't mean shit.

(girls crying)

Let's not let our bleak future

put a damper on our spirit.

We're gonna go out there tonight

and come back (chimes chiming) a star.

Let's go.

- Ready?

- Ready.

- I promised you that when I took over this team last year

that our record of zero wins,

113 losses had to stop.

Tonight my pets,

I mean men,

I'm going to keep that promise.

You have received the benefit

of 25 years of scientific experimentation.

- Ow!

- Football is a game that requires courage, guts.

Nein, nein.

Determination.

But most important of all, confidence.

Savage, animal confidence.

To do a thing, you must first know

what that thing is.

Once you know what that thing is,

you must believe with all your heart

and soul that it can be done!

Once you believe that it can be done,

next, you must get up and do it!

And that it is this game!

We are going to win this game.

Why?

Because we have confidence.

We have the desire!

We have the determination!

And most important of all,

we have me, Dr. Mangler!

I mean Dr. Moreau.

Now, let's get out on that field

and show them what we are made of.

Are we tough?

Are we mean?

Are we animals!

Let's get out on the field

and tear them limb from limb!

Men, let's go.

Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go,

let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go!

(wall shattering)

- [Male] I am not a mascot, I am a human being!

("Funeral March of a Marionette")

- Thanks for the lift!

Hi mom.

- Hi dear.

Anything happen at school today?

- No.

I mean like, nothing.

Same old boring routine.

- [Mom] How was the game?

- Oh gah!

It was like totally totally weird!

I mean like, I just couldn't believe it.

I mean you know, like, we won for the

first time in 13 years.

Our boys ate them up.

- That's nice.

Oh, there was a phone message for you.

- Oh wow.

From Norman?

- Oh wow, he didn't say.

- Oh come on mom.

What did he say?

- Well, at first it goes like...

Well, at first he goes,

"Your daughters gonna die tonight!"

Then he says, (moaning).

(mom laughing)

- Oh wow.

Far out.

- Friend of yours dear?

- Probably.

(loud clashing)

- It must be that devil in the attic again.

- I'll go all by myself and check it out.

- Oh, good idea darling.

(cat growling)

(ominous music)

(ghostly winds)

- [Damien] Come on Mary.

- Damn it Damien.

How many times have I told you

to stay out of the attic?

- [Damien] Telegram.

- "Darling, have a wonderful time

"at the Halloween Pumpkin Prom.

"See you soon.

"Yours truly, El Diablo."

(ominous music)

(footsteps approaching)

- Oh shit.

(Perky music)

What am I doing!

(bald man laughing)

(Bambi screams)

Hi big guy, you wanna go to the

Halloween Pumpkin Prom with me?

(slow paced music)

(cans clanking)

- This is a defeated man.

A man at the end of his rope.

End of the line and he's played out

his string to the bitter end.

How else can I put it?

- [Woman] You're on your last leg!

- He's on his last lap.

- [Woman] I said leg!

- Oh whatever.

He can't take much more of this.

He's on the fringe, the verge, the brink.

He's hearing voices in the night.

All I know is if he doesn't get some sleep pretty soon,

it's gonna be farewell my lovely Dick.

(Dick sobbing)

(horn blowing)

(slow paced music) (heart beating)

- Damn it daddy, what are you doing?

- Nothing dear,

Mowing the lawn.

- Sure daddy.

That's what you always say!

(slow gentle music)

- I think UCLA is a wonderful college for Rosie.

That way she won't have to leave home.

- Nonsense Leonor, she'll be attending Harvard

just like her father.

And what are your plans, Anthony?

- What?

You talking to me?

- Yes Anthony.

- Anthony.

Don't ever--

- Tony.

- Stay out of this Rosie.

- Don't ever, ever call me Anthony.

Call me Tony.

Call me Mr. Schlongini.

My friends like to call me the Schlong, ya know?

But never call me Anthony.

Do we understand each other?

- Yes, Mr. Schlongini.

- Gini.

- Gini, yes.

- Dinner's delicious.

- Yes.

- Why thank you.

And what have you two planned

after the prom tonight?

(spring stretching)

- Rosie.

(Tony moaning)

Not again.

(glass shattering) (mom screaming)

- Norman, I'm just delighted that you

and your mother could join us for dinner.

- Well, it was very kind of you

to invite us Mrs. Graves.

- I don't get out of the house much Mrs. Graves

so this is a real treat for me.

- Well it's a real treat for us too Mrs. Bates.

- I bet you didn't know that my mom can sing

and drink water at the same time!

- No.

- I'd like to see that Norman.

- I'm not really thirsty Norman.

- Oh yes you are mother.

- [Mother] No, no I'm not really thirsty.

- Yes, yes!

Here we go, ready?

One, two...

♪ I'm a Yankee doodle dandy

♪ Yankee doodle do or die

♪ A real live nephew from my old uncle Sam's

♪ Born on the Fourth of July

- What's with this yavo?

- Shh!

Mrs. Bates is singing!

- I think it's time to carve the bird dear.

- Yes, yes.

(saw whirring)

(Mary screams)

- What!

- The Lawnmower killer!

- Where!

(mother screams)

- Now look at what you made me do.

- Sorry mom.

- Mary, this lawnmower phobia

of yours has gotten completely out of hand.

I know you're bound to be screwed up

by that terrible images that you've gotta

carry with you for the rest of your life,

but why does it have to extend to the rest of us?

- [Woman] You look tired son.

Have you been getting enough sleep?

- Now realize that you're old enough now

to make your own decisions son.

But you can't take the job home with you.

You have to learn to let go.

Otherwise you'll find yourself in an early grave.

- Dick, you know I think the problem is

is that you're not getting enough exercise.

Why a key to a goodnight sleep is physical exhaustion.

- Dick, take it from me older brother,

all you need is a good woman.

- No, no, what he needs is simply to--

(gun clicking)

- You don't think it's too modern?

- Really mom?

Dad did a good job.

It's one of the best haircuts you've ever had.

- Well how sweet.

Come on darling.

I want to take a good picture of you in your little

Alice in Wonderland costume.

- Mom, do we have to do this?

- Oh you both look so gorgeous.

Now come on, smile.

Alright, now one more, one more.

- [Mary] Mom, we'll be late.

- There's been an emergency at the hospital.

I'll see you later.

You go on to the Halloween Pumpkin Prom without me.

- Alright dear.

Bye bye.

- Goodnight Dr. Graves.

I guess we should be on our way.

- Okay.

Damien darling.

Damien,

Mrs. Bates has been kind enough

to sit with you tonight.

So I want you to be a very very good boy.

Mama's precious angel.

- Okay ma.

Oh you know, just being here with you kids tonight

sure brings back a lot of fond memories.

I remember my first pork.

- What Mrs. Graves?

- The prom Norman.

My first Halloween Pumpkin Prom.

I'll never forget the first time I saw your father.

He was so handsome in his pink sport coat

and his white carnation.

Standing there, outside my bedroom window.

If I'm rambling on too much,

just let me know.

- Oh not at all.

(Mrs. Graves screaming)

(upbeat music)

♪ I'm not the jealous type

♪ Been looking for a fight

♪ My lady treats me right

♪ Tonight I'll understand

- Hey Dick.

- What!

One last dance, kids.

- It's just a costume.

- That's your story.

Police business.

♪ Don't let me catch you messing with my baby

♪ Don't wanna see you 'round my girl

♪ Don't let me catch you messing with my baby

♪ Nobody's gonna steal my girl

♪ On down the avenue

♪ All eyes on you know who

♪ Tell me what can I do

♪ You gotta tell me

♪ Somebody makes a crack

♪ Behind my baby's back

♪ Now both his eyes are black

♪ And my baby's blue

- Come on Tony, dance with me.

- Hey, what do you wanna start, a riot in here?

People will go berserk.

- Have you seen Bambi?

- Sure, I guess Bambi didn't get a date.

- Golly, I hope she's not sitting

at home all alone.

- Ah, don't worry about her.

She's probably just sitting at home all alone.

- [Tony] Hey, ain't that Bambi?

- [Norman] Who's that bald headed guy behind her?

- [Tony] I don't know.

Maybe the Lawnmower Killer.

(Mary screaming)

(Bambi screaming) (bald man screaming)

- Wait, come back!

Thanks a lot Mary!

I know he's a little tall

but you didn't have to scream!

- I'm sorry, I thought he was,

I thought he was--

- He was my date.

Now I'm gonna have to go find him!

Looney!

Looney!

- You sure scream a lot.

- I'm sorry.

I'm bound to be screwed up by the terrible

images I must carry with me

- [Everyone] The rest of my life.

- Oh yes, this is definitely me.

This is me, this is me.

I've come on home.

Whoo, yes!

Oh party hardy to the sounds of the mighty, mighty.

That's me.

Tonight is the night I'm gonna party boy.

I'm on my way downtown.

Yes mama, fix me up with a cab.

Oh my gosh, literate.

Yes, just like in the Lincoln Continental.

I forget my head.

Ooh, this in black glitter.

Ooh, it's too much!

Yes, if the silvers could only see me now,

I swear boogie fever was a nose infection.

Yes, I'm coming back and get this on.

Love it! (loud banging)

What?

What is that noise?

I think the village people have come to audition me.

Whoo!

Anything!

I believe in trick-or-treat.

(vice principal gasping)

Money.

Oh money.

Yes, you come over I have a Mars bar.

Well maybe I have some marshmallows.

How about a little treat here?

Ooh yes, you've come to be healed of sin.

You've come to the right place my friend.

Why I can just squeeze your head too

but I'd get pumpkin pie.

Ooh, put a little pressure on me now.

Man I'm corny, I'll take care of the thing you need!

(Pumpkin growling)

- Yeah!

(Mrs. Graves breathing heavily)

(Mrs. Graves screams)

- Oh darling, it's you!

Where have you been?

- I just got out of the O.R.

What happened to you?

It looks like you got thrown out of a car.

- I was just telling the kids

about the first night we met.

- Oh you did get thrown out of a car.

- Looney!

Looney!

Where for art thou Looney?

(ominous music)

Is that you?

Why'd you run away?

Look, I'm sorry if my friend scared you.

That's just Mary, she's a screamer.

(Pumpkin hums "Funeral March of a Marionette")

Don't you wanna go to a Halloween Pumpkin Prom with me?

Huh?

(bell dinging)

(Bambi screams)

♪ The last to know

♪ My friends all tell me

- I can't allow you to leave

if you're going out for drugs or drink.

That's against the rules.

- It's okay.

We're just having some kinky sex.

- Oh, alright then.

♪ Oh oh

♪ Rumor has it

♪ No oh

- Superman.

- What?

- Cafeteria.

- Yeah food, alright.

Let's go.

♪ On me

♪ Got it on me

♪ I saw you down at the arena

- Ketchup.

♪ But when I got your attention

♪ Too busy trying to act surprised

♪ I realize

♪ Oh oh

♪ Rumor has it

- This is crazy Rosie.

Real crazy.

- I want cherries.

- [Tony] You got it.

- Two of 'em.

- You got it, you got it.

Just give me a second.

- One, two.

- [Tony] I suppose you want nuts too?

- [Rosie] That's right.

Yours.

- Uh yeah?

Well I'm more powerful than a locomotive.

- I hope you're not faster than a speeding bullet.

- What are you doing in here?

I got dibs on this sundae.

Hey, what you're getting your kicks

from spying on people or something?

- Tony.

- This guys some kind of sicko.

Some psychologist.

Alright pumpkin head, let's go right now.

(Pumpkin growling)

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I got a deal for you.

I got a deal.

I'll give you this gold chain, okay,

if you let us go.

I'm desperate.

Not on a school day.

Rosie.

- What do you think you're doing?

Run hot water if you're gonna use the disposal!

- [Tony] Thanks a lot mom!

(ominous music)

- No respect for school property.

- You gotta be kidding me.

(Rosie screams)

(Rosie laughing)

(Rosie screams)

♪ We need something more

♪ To keep this alive

♪ You can talk about til you die

- They'll be sorry.

All of them will be sorry.

You wait and see you.

Sorry.

- Mary.

- Yes Norman.

- Have I ever told you how much I,

how much I--

- Love me?

- Yeah.

And no matter what happens tonight Mary,

no matter what happens I'll still, I'll still--

- Respect me.

- Yeah right.

And holding you in my arms right now,

I am just so, so--

- Horny you can taste it.

- Exactly.

- Well you just stay that way.

I'll be right back.

- Mary, where are you going?

- I'm going to look for Bambi.

I'm worried about her.

- Well I'll go with you.

- No, this is something I just have to do alone.

- Why?

- Don't ask me why.

- Well how come?

- Norman.

- Look Mary, I'm not letting you go out there alone.

It could be dangerous out there.

- You think I'm afraid

just because its Halloween and prom night,

there's a psycho on the loose,

it's pitch black outside,

and I'm carrying around a childhood images

that are bound to screw me up for the rest of my life.

I'm not afraid.

(parents laughing)

- Darling, you know we've been married 30 years

and there's one thing I've always wanted to ask you.

- What is that?

- What is your first name?

- Doctor.

- No, no, I mean really.

- I'm not kidding, Doctor is my first name.

I don't have a degree in anything.

(both parents laughing)

My fathers name was Nurse.

- Bambi!

Bambi!

(wolf howling)

Bambi.

(elephant trumpets)

It's dark out here, don't play games.

I'm sorry I scared your date.

Bambi is that you?

Is anybody there?

(humming "Funeral March of a Marionette")

(engine revs)

I'm not gonna scream and I'm not gonna run.

I'm not gonna scream and I'm not gonna run.

(Mary screaming)

Help me!

Somebody please!

(humming "Funeral March of a Marionette")

(Mary screaming)

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt anybody.

I take that back.

- [Pumpkin] Ooh shit.

- Help!

Help me!

Mr. Palms, let me in!

Oh.

Mr. Palms.

Oh, Mr. Palms.

Don't just stand there, help me.

There's a Halloween Pumpkin Prom

Lawnmower Killer on the loose.

What's that on your head?

I'm in deep shit now.

Hold it, I'll be right with you.

(gun clicking)

Okay, I'm ready now.

(gun firing)

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, but I never meant to kill anyone.

- [Pumpkin] What?

- [Mary] You asshole!

Can't you stay dead?

- [Doctor] Marge honey.

- Huh?

- I think we need a drink.

Me too.

- Thank god!

Daddy.

- Hey baby!

- Oh help me daddy!

- Oh my baby, so pretty.

How did that happen?

Let me see if I can't put that back.

- You've been a big help dad.

Thanks.

Oh hi mom.

- Hi there!

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

(determined music)

(Mary sobbing)

(ominous music)

- I really don't know what to say about this.

I'm really choked up.

But well, thanks for electing me queen

in the Halloween Pumpkin Prom.

(crowd cheering)

And thanks for giving me this wonderful door prize.

In honor of this occasion,

I'd like to recite a little poem that I wrote for Mary

just for this.

It goes something like this.

"She's lived in fear since I've known her.

"The mighty roar of the old lawnmower."

- Help me somebody!

Norman.

Norman!

- Mary, not now.

Can't you see I'm right in the middle of my--

(wall shattering)

(determined music)

- You're starting to piss me off.

Hold him down!

Hold him down, don't trust him.

- [Student] Is he dead?

- Get back, get back!

Give him room to breathe!

Nice costume.

- Well thanks.

Just something I threw together at the last minute.

(eerie laughing)

- It's a chance of a lifetime!

Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

You know, they locked me up for 13 years

because I cracked after witnessing the lawnmower killings

and my first day out was so bad.

- [Crowd] How bad was it?

(drum roll)

- Thanks doc.

Well, it was so bad I saw a nurse get mauled

by a werewolf, the lawnmower killer returned,

and my first date in 13 years goes

and gets her head chopped off.

- [Crowd] Ew.

- Anyway, we have a great show for you tonight.

Although this monologue isn't part of it.

- [Crowd] Heyo!

- It's Johnny!

(upbeat music)

So Johnny, how've you been?

- Oh Mary.

I've been so bad.

(elephant trumpets)

Whoa!

(upbeat carnival music)

- An elephant at the Halloween Pumpkin Prom.

What a cute costume.

- [Elephant] It's no costume bitch.

- Hi I'm Mary, who are you?

- [Elephant] Bob the elephant.

- Not you, him.

- I'm the lawnmower killer.

- Come on!

- I am the Lawnmower Killer, I'm not kidding.

- Oh, you couldn't possibly be.

- [Elephant] Yes, yes, yes, he really is

the Lawnmower Killer.

- [Crowd] No shit.

- I've come back after 13 years

to tell everybody that I'm all better now

and it'll never happen again.

- [Elephant] Oh so silly.

- I just want you all to know I'm very sorry.

- [Pumpkin] Shit!

(ominous music)

- You.

- A cop.

- But why?

- You naughty.

Why didn't you tell me you were back?

- I tried to tell you.

- I told him he was back.

They wouldn't believe me.

They thought I was crazy.

I wasn't crazy.

I only killed those people tonight just to prove a point.

That the Lawnmower Killer could return again.

Anywhere, anytime.

Anywhere two men judge each other

by the color of their skin,

anywhere that people are not free

to worship the religion of their choice,

anywhere that man is forbidden to buy a lawnmower,

protects his home and his family.

After 13 years,

big sleep.

- Goodnight sweet prince.

Flights of angels sing tonight.

- Well, at least we won't have to worry

about the Lawnmower Killer ever again.

(people chattering)

(light gentle music)

- Oh Mary,

oh Mary.

No my darling, you won't need these earplugs anymore.

- Norman.

Norman.

(Norman moaning)

(ground rumbling)

Norman is that you?

(Norman revving)

(Mary screaming)

- Mary, what is it?

What's wrong?

- Oh nothing.

- Oh, just another Lawnmower Killer nightmare huh?

- I'm so sorry Norman.

We still are unable to pork.

And we've been married now 13 months,

13 weeks, 13 days,

and 1.3 hours.

But who's counting.

- Oh it's alright.

With the terrible images you must carry around with you,

you're bound to be screwed up the rest of your life.

- Oh Norman. - Oh Mary.

(heart beating) (light music)

(engine revving)

(Mary screaming)

- [Mary] Damn it daddy!

What are you doing?

- Just mowing the lawn dear.

- Sure daddy.

That's what you always say.

(dramatic music)

- [Narrator] Mr. George Kennedy.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

we've made fun of a lot of things

during our show.

Some of which, under other circumstances

would not be funny at all.

One very serious point.

Lawnmowers do not kill people.

People kill people.

("When the Saints Go Marching In")

Well they do.

- [Mary] Sure daddy.

That's what you always say.

- Stand back!

(Mrs. Graves screaming)

Don't mess with me hood.

Nard.

Nitwit.

Gonard.

(Johnny screaming)

Cone head.

- Oh yes.

- Dip.

Nimrod.

- Tell him to take it back.

Otherwise I'll hold it in

and be scarred for the rest of my life!

- Harbinger what the hell is going on here?

- Bye bye.

♪ Tony Schlongini

♪ I'm respected everywhere

♪ Tony Schlongini

♪ Girls always pulling out my hair

♪ Tony Schlongini

♪ I drive a car it has no spares

♪ Tony Schlongini

♪ 'Cause I'm too tough to care

♪ When I go cruising around

♪ Be holding the side of a mound

♪ My temperature rises

♪ My soul realizes

♪ She almost out of my league when she's hot

♪ Tony Schlongini

♪ Ow

("Funeral March of a Marionette")

♪ Blackmail

♪ She's a devil in disguise

♪ She's got the something

♪ Another look in her eyes

♪ Blackmail

♪ She's the evil in your heart

♪ She's the kind of woman

♪ Who can tear him apart

("Funeral March of a Marionette")

♪ Don't let me catching you messing with my baby

♪ Don't wanna see you 'round my girl

♪ Don't let me catch you messing with my baby

♪ Nobody's gonna steal my girl

("Funeral March of a Marionette")

♪ Oh oh rumor has it

♪ No oh you can't fool me

♪ Oh oh rumor has it

("Funeral March of a Marionette")

♪ Catch us

♪ If you think you can

♪ Why don't you get away

♪ He knows

♪ Even in the back

♪ If we leave here today

♪ Catch us

♪ If you think you can

♪ You ain't gonna hang around

♪ Stay there

♪ My life away

♪ We don't care

♪ If you want us there

♪ So can't you stay away

(quirky music)