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i
took out a photograph from my
collection
of the first day of
my
[Music]
my sweetheart
a very small kids like the ones you
won't miss
we promised that we never
[Music]
[Music]
i can't hold it instead
in love
she lives
she breathes come on
she speaks
reach
you break up
he met someone else in front of all of
his friends he just told me i met
someone else so i just left
he didn't even give me a warning
let alone a chance to even say how i
feel
i did everything for him
oh
i know you just gotta put a positive
spin on it right the you'll have plenty
to write about you know what i'm just
gonna call him i'm gonna say you made it
um no you won't because you just lost
your boyfriend do you want to lose your
dignity you just need closure he doesn't
want you
why is that not closure enough
please just let me call him i just want
to hear it
serious move along people nothing to see
here give her a break
she just got
dumped by a guy named goo
what did you say
his last name is goo
it's french i don't care what are you
gonna marry a guy named goo
be rachel goo oh hold me mr mrs goo yeah
the table's hurt okay nicole plus he's a
straight-up goo like i'm very surprised
that he found someone else because who
the hell would want to be with him i
want to be with him why
you are
talented you are intelligent you can be
very funny when you're not
throwing yourself a pity party although
i do see how this could be funny from
like a tragic point of view
you're beautiful
okay
you're gonna find somebody worthy of you
he's not
he's a goo
more bubbles yeah you want some more
champagne yeah bottomless mimosas for
you you're on the bottom there's no
bottom no
i'm going to go upstairs and change
because i've been wearing the same
clothes for 31 hours you know what you
smell like yeah thank you also [ __ ] you
oh i love you too
kisses
what the [ __ ]
nicole where's my bed
[ __ ] uh i'm sorry what's up i can't hear
you
you got rid of my bed
about that um
you weren't living here i was paying
rent
i wanted a meditation space you can't
even sit still for five seconds how are
you gonna meditate are you kidding look
at me i'm zen as [ __ ] you can literally
meditate anywhere
okay
i'm gonna be real with you
i traded your bed for an ounce of weed
in an army you traded it for one for an
ounce of wheat in an army jack an army
jacket it's vintage from one of the
world wars well i hope it's bulletproof
because that bed was four thousand
dollars and a graduation gift from my
great aunt who's recently deceased
so namaste
i'm tapping into my third eye chakra
right now and i'm getting the feeling
that you're upset but you're going to
share my bed and we're going to be
cuddle buddies and it's going to be
awesome
you're
buying me a new bed
who's that it's uh cameron
what the [ __ ] good plans [ __ ]
the world doesn't stop spinning because
you got dumped by a goo oh great because
what i really wanted to hear was a 28
year old loser from bed stuy wax
philosophically about existentialism
oh hi cameron rachel a pleasure as
always oh take off your shoes we
wouldn't want any track marks oh cute
cute
so what are we celebrating girls oh we
are actually celebrating rachel who has
just today
been emancipated from the shackles of
richard goo's oppressive regimentation
free last free last thank god almighty
we are free
to freedom
and to uh
getting along
[Music]
so what'd you even like about that guy
anyway
i don't know
stability yeah well you're better off
without him
thanks cameron
have you been with anyone since
what do you mean ben with you know
known in the biblical sense i don't know
lane with we broke up this morning it's
never too early for a rebound [ __ ]
that's like the whole point oh you would
wouldn't you
i'm far from ready for that what do you
got to get ready for you just lay down
and spread your legs
emotionally ready
this just further brews my theory
and uh
which theory is that
um that women can't separate sex from
emotion
whereas
men can why because the primal urge to
spread their seed misogynistic
[ __ ] hey i'm not a massage okay
i love you okay yeah that's real rich
thank you
so let me get this straight you can have
sex with somebody and never think about
them again correct i don't understand i
don't expect you to you're a woman i
don't see what that has to do with
anything it's just sex
okay pardon me excuse me i have um
i have a question
is that how you justify having [ __ ] a
dude come on wait you [ __ ] a dude i
did not [ __ ] do oh that's right he
[ __ ] you wait so he [ __ ] you or did
you he did not [ __ ] me just tell her the
story okay
fine yes
story time
so we had this gig in chelsea and
afterwards i'm hanging out at the bar
and this guy comes up to me and asks if
i want to come over and do some coke so
i told him yeah naturally and he says to
me hey i really like feet is that okay
with you yeah
so i'm just like whatever we're sitting
on his couch and after you know a few
lines of coke he comes up to me and he
removes my shoes
and i'm thinking like okay he's gonna
give me like a foot massage or something
like that so then he pulls down his
pants his dick rock hard he takes my
feet presses him together spits on it
and proceeds to [ __ ] the hole in between
my feet no it gets better jesse's about
to finish he looks at me dead in the
eyes and he says did you ever do this
with your dad no
[ __ ] comes all over my pant leg oh my
god
so what's the moral to this little story
uh that men can separate sex from
emotion hence the phrase it's just sex
i'm not sure that that is the moral to
that yeah and it also sounds pretty gay
yeah well you know that's just a
misconception of gender roles in our
society
well i suppose you think when like two
girls hook up with one another they're
just having a little fun
i don't think i forgot about that little
lesbian rendezvous you had what
you hooked up with a girl
a little girly number from the studio
wait naomi she's old conolingus knows no
age only beauty i can't believe you
never told me that because it's
meaningless contrary to popular belief
women can have sex without emotion
i don't know every detail
you know what
why don't i just show you what
what wait what are you doing yeah that's
what i'm talking about let me see
them fate no yeah
oh yeah girl
my feet
well it was much more romantic than that
okay oh we were on cocaine
hey
keep it chin up kid thanks cameron i'll
see you at nicole's show
i miss you
you're cool
just
stay yeah
please
all right drunky
i'll see you okay
you haven't caught her
how do you do that
do what
see him
rach
we are
artists
with tortured souls
much of the torture of self-inflicted
[Music]
what are you doing
are you taking a selfie mm-hmm oh good
use a filter oh good
i can't believe he got rid of my bed
like who does that
he's you [ __ ]
actually that's pretty good keep doing
that
is this what you did in naomi no
this
this is what i did tonight
you're killing me i'm gonna sleep i
can't breathe
[Laughter]
i really loved
i know
[ __ ]
[ __ ]
[ __ ] [ __ ]
oh [ __ ] relax
i took the liberty of calling in for you
you what
i told them you ate some bad sushi and
it's coming out of both ends good well
i'm glad you told me it was coming out
of both ends well i had to sell it
you're welcome and now you can come to
work with me oh you have a job did
anyone ever tell you you are such a
precious gem when you're hungover here
you
go ugh i can't even look at this [ __ ]
don't look just drink
hurry up
brush your hair
you okay
yes
[Music]
you look here with a girl
a little girlier number from the studio
wait naomi
[Music]
rachel
let's get you into alpha number two
everybody else take ten oh thank god
yeah yeah indeed yep we are full-service
studio we do offer hair and makeup a um
yeah we do have hair and makeup
absolutely stylist if you need and
okay i have you on the books for naomi
on december 18th goodbye
[ __ ]
hungover
understatement
you comfortable down there or yeah i
like the way the cement feels on my body
want a cigarette
oh
i don't smoke but thank you
oh oh thank you yeah
it's been a while
yeah i've been kind of off the radar
i guess you could say i can better than
ever i see
yeah i mean it takes true talent to hold
a bounce board all that geometry hey and
don't forget my astoundingly strong
tricep muscles yeah you make it look
really easy you're welcome
hey um
so
i'm
doing this reading
and yeah you sh you should come what are
you reading um it's kind of sick and
twisted
childhood diary entries
rewritten with adult perspective and
vernacular
but seriously
um you should try you should come
you're in luck i'm gonna be reading a
passage about my first ever boner
there's that oh that's amazing hi excuse
me slave
oh wow
okay i'm being summoned to off to work
you must go
hi ho i hope the dwarves yeah hey
thanks for the invite
ugh uh what's your problem
i have my meeting with charles
i think i'm just gonna cancel it dude
you've been blowing that guy off for two
months what's your meeting
it's in 15 minutes
i'm not even dressed i feel like it's
your meeting is in 15 minutes yeah
you're going no you're no you're
you're going i'm very glad that i'm here
because i'm a very positive influence on
you oh yeah very good influence
[Music]
you look like hell
well that's funny because i feel like an
angel
how have you been
oh well i've been great my boyfriend
took me out for a nice meal
humiliated me in front of all of his
friends and then he dumped me
well
you'll have plenty of time to make these
changes
it's not about
time charles
i just
i don't have the backbone anymore well
there are a lot of other writers out
there who do they're hungry for this
but i'm here
because i see something in you
what do you see in me
i see someone who if she would just
challenge herself and push past the
point of feeling uncomfortable
could do great things
and in doing so make me a lot of money
but right now all i see is someone who
wants to throw in the towel when times
get tough
this is a gift rachel
don't throw it away
[Music]
dude look at you you are primed for
rebound sex right i'm not i'm not even
there yet rach what is the point of us
going if you're not gonna flirt with the
cute front desk guy well first of all
his name is trevor
and i'm not gonna flirt with him okay
okay i'll see you later bye i don't even
know how anymore
look you go up to him afterward be
friendly smile tell me you liked it
whether you did or not offer to buy me
beer well
what if he says yes look what are you
gonna do you'll be the third wheel i
won't earnest is meeting us there oh
ernest
who is that your flavor of the month yep
tastes like money and aqua digi
red pricklings up my legs starting from
my toes and down my back starting from
my brain
coursed
through my frame
all
leading to one place
the center of my being
my penis was alive
vigor
was its name
what used to be a spongy flesh
and a collection of filth
was now a beacon
like the lighthouse at long beach island
it stood on end
shining
was there a
bone
down there stop this is special
would it be this way forever
my pants
were slightly disfigured
as if an elf was reaching through my
jammies
for jesus's help
jesus isn't real
i mean the the work itself was just
so profound he took an experience that
we could all relate to with males of
course and express it in a way that
maintained the naivete of youth while
still incorporating the complexities of
adult processes
oh my god you were so great oh man
thanks you're really funny cool i'm glad
you came thanks for coming i'm gonna
have to introduce myself i'm ernest oh
are you
oh he is
i am
uh why don't we all get a dream yeah
yeah i was going to suggest that
actually i know the perfect place
i mean that
vulnerability that most people don't
even delve into and to take that and to
share it amongst a group of strangers i
mean it's
it's provocative very evocative whoa
thanks man provocativeness in its
boldest form i mean but not just for the
viewer but for your own personal being
nicole can you please stop i'm trying to
have a conversation
hands where i can see him right guys
hey trevor did you know that rachel is a
writer oh really no no i did not know
that i'm not really right i don't know i
just i haven't really put pen to paper
in a very long time just have nothing to
write about
there's always something to write about
you know what it is
i think it has to do with fear
you know like we as artists we we're
afraid that what we create is not going
to be good enough
or
you know perfect
the worst enemy to creativity is
self-doubt
you studied
let's see look at how well she turned
out
didn't she commit suicide
she did
yemen
you know it's
it's hard to find inspiration i'm sorry
i can't i can't hear you what was that
uh i was saying
it's hard to find inspiration when your
head is in an oven
goodness i'm kidding
i'm sorry okay these are i'm sorry i'm
trying to make a joke
okay don't don't try but okay no but but
i am i am serious i do i do think it is
hard to find inspiration yeah well if
you sit around you wait for inspiration
it might never come you know but that's
why i try to force myself to write every
single day let the juices flow
sometimes i'll sit there for hours and
other times
stroke a genius hey
better than a regular stroke i mean i
don't understand it an artistic concept
but from a business standpoint
absolutely yeah
she's taught his big sister ernest
shut the [ __ ] up okay
so tonight was oddly entertaining
i thought it was fun
it was fun
hey i was serious about what i said
before
if you want to be a writer
i think you should be alright
right
the inspiration will come once you get
out of your own way
sorry
i'm like boxer and be a total jerk
you're not a total jerk i mean
god with the amount of time i've spent
feeling sorry for myself lately i could
have written like
three self-help books
and like nine erotic novels
you're not a total jerk
i mean a quasi-jerk maybe that's kind of
given was a jerk
here i am thinking i just ruined our
first date
on the street you see
she's got the right idea who's jesus
yeah but look at her though
isn't she beautiful
she's loving her life
not giving a [ __ ] about anything but the
big guy upstairs
[Music]
i am do you think i could ever be free
like that
probably yeah you're probably right
well i think i better go cause i gotta
make sure that ernest is still alive
she is a man-eater that's very true
great trevor hey
keep your head out of the up okay well
i'll try
all right bye
keep your head out of here
keep your head out of the oven
[Music]
tomorrow
what
looking forward to your call
i had a lovely evening so you're going
to confident tomorrow i'm literally
never going to see that human again
he's somehow more boring than you are
boring
let me tell you i have macro made a
potholder
last week okay
on two cups of decaf coffee
let's talk about boring
do you remember when you used to be fun
rach
we used to stay out every single night
till six a.m
[ __ ] drunk
dance dancing our little tushies off
taking the l train of shame home every
morning oh yeah and getting [ __ ]
scooped by that heinous bouncer at the
lit lounge
or how about when i was holding your
hair back while you were
puking a bile in marcus garvey park
the dictionary definition
fun
god
those were the days september 27 2012
cutting the cord a poem by rachel nolan
nicole don't when your mother's cervical
cave yawned upon your arrival and met
the son halfway betwixt hither and
dither love was made
and candid spotted what this isn't funny
uh are you embarrassed this is who you
are okay look at us we are young ish
better than average looking weirdo artsy
types living in the best goddamn city in
the world okay i'd say we have pretty
[ __ ] good and you you have a booktube
i don't have a book deal okay i have a
shitty manuscript that continuously gets
ripped to shreds and it'll never be good
enough to publish and i'm [ __ ] over
it okay
oh
negative nancy i didn't see you arriving
okay i'm negative nancy now i don't know
rach but i don't know
who this is
richard turned you into this
conservative little cardigan wearing
house-trained stepford wife this is not
you
okay well since you obviously know me
better than i know myself if rachel was
here right now what would she be doing
she wouldn't be here she would be with
trevor having a hot and heavy make-out
sesh depending on his worthiness
probably feeling his boner a little bit
but keeping it classy and not [ __ ] on
the first date okay is that what she
would do yeah
she would
well i don't know
who you think i am or was
or should be but i am not that person
anymore
yeah well
maybe you should be
because that person was fun
a lot happier than you are
richard goo made sense
he was not what i wanted deep down i
knew that
but my life so far had been a series of
unfulfilled dreams
and unfulfilled desires
not to feel
an empty vessel i gave myself to him
completely
[Music]
blended into him with
the hope he'd mold me into something
worthwhile
hey girl oh jesus jessica
you look like you've been tracked to the
mud
you want to go to lunch
you know not today i'm sorry i kind of
always say that
look jessica richard and i just broke up
not really in the mood i know i saw it
on the internet
i was wondering when you were going to
tell me that you don't have to
i am here for you okay okay you just let
me know if you need anything
wow okay thank you you have value oh
okay
uh
i hate you
you love me so i have to slave away my
dead-end job we get to sleep all day
i was working mm-hmm
i'm so sure
i have just developed
the final piece for my show
self-portrait
wow
it's a part of a much larger
installation of course entitled are you
ready
photos
of my nipples
i've always said that nipples
are the eyes to the heart
you've never said that well i'm saying
it now so i try to get a nitpick of
every new person i make okay that's a
lot of nipples
let me take a photo of your nipples oh
hell no okay just one just the wonky one
richard always liked my wonky nipple
he said it was like bringing another
woman into the bedroom
that's weird yeah
anyway show me the one-eyed bandit what
are you doing getting off yeah
no stop killing
[Music]
kill yourself
that's mine
[Music]
how do i look
hold on
dude
i'm so
happy for you shut up seriously
i remember my first quinceanera
oh because i look like a pinata and
because you're full of sweet things
shall we go inside yes we shall
[Music]
hey
where's your bounce board oh my god
i can't believe i left is there a lost
and found here you know it should really
never leave your side to begin with
you're so right i need like one of those
little pocket ones are gonna whip it out
and be like oh find your light you know
hey
hello hey can you hold this i gotta pee
sure hey nicole how do you know hi
trevor
hmm
okay maturity
let me know if you see cameron okay sure
um
so i got you something you did
it's no big deal it's just uh i saw it
and i had thought
this is so great yeah yeah no problem
you just uh write your thoughts in it or
not um
haikus or you know my first ever boner
write about that
endless possibilities
and that
was really sweet
uh
[Music]
hey
you will never guess who's here who
stephen anthony lawrence i know i
invited him he really likes photography
yeah and your nipples as i recall
look steven anthony lawrence is the
willy wonka of drugs okay his apartment
the chocolate factory anything could
happen if my top just
magically happened to fall off i can't
be held accountable for that ladies
stephen
come to papa
wow did you skim this yourself you must
have been working out oh you ladies are
so funny nicole your pictures are so
beautiful thank you steven
i've always said
nipples are the eyes to the heart
okay that is not a thing especially the
self-portrait they are as divine as i
remember their muffins you're making
them blush
ladies i wanted to give you something
pure
mdma
steven are you trying to seduce me
because it's working
have fun ladies
claudia
bring that ass back here girl
that musical with a song about beans or
was it green
did you just take that
your turn
i'm not taking it you're gonna let me go
down the rabbit hole by myself no i
didn't even we didn't even i didn't even
think about this when we talk about it
stephen anthony lawrence is a trusted
source you know this no it's not him
it's just i don't
i don't it's i'm scared that it scares
me rach there's a reason they call it
ecstasy okay plus you've done it like a
thousand times i've done it four and a
half times half because at one time i
went to that warehouse party that
definitely wasn't tasty the damn pill
you don't often have the chance to share
my project
before it's my subject the
opportunity
to express themselves
and their nipples with freedom
i'm changing lives
stephen
i will never forget the time when we
went and got burritos and i left my
wallet at home and you bought me that
burrito
i don't even think i ever paid you back
it's cool yo are you sure hi can i uh
borrow her for a minute thanks
[Music]
is
yeah let's go pee
oh hello i'm rolling balls right now
oh god it's hard to be on drugs well why
don't you quit trying so hard
you hear that
that's the sound and the stream of
consciousness you are a genius
thank you
i saw you give your girlfriend googly
eye why are you so upset because it's
fascinating well if you're so fascinated
by it why don't you just do it
why her
i don't know
she's been eating [ __ ] since 1982.
no i mean why her and not
me
is it because i'm not pretty enough
[Music]
no you're obviously just way too classy
for me
i'm serious
really
um
well okay one
you're my best friend
sure two
you don't even like girls and
three
you get weird i do not get weird
how do i get weird you're really you're
gonna make me spell this out for you
right now okay um
well
with
every guy you
ever dated
and every guy you've had sex with for
that matter you get really
clingy and
weird
don't get weird
sometimes everything just feels so
out of control and i just wait you are
completely missing the point okay this
is you you're ready you're like you're
looking at your watch you're like what
time is it the time is always a clock
okay the only time you have any
semblance of control is in this
current moment
this is the only moment that we're ever
in this is the only moment that ever
exists
this moment right now yeah then now one
what are you doing
[Music]
it's
[Music]
let's go
jesus not a bentley right
what the [ __ ] a bentley yeah it's black
yeah thank you
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
um i'm done
at the way these lights just intertwine
with one another it's like they're all a
family oh well you know they say heim is
where the heart is that's what they say
in scotland it sounded better in my head
i'm
sure second star to the right and
straight on until morning
i'm king of the world god wait what
movie are you doing titanic what are you
doing peter pan oh that's right
i can fly
ugh
so good right now
what do you want
watch your fingers
is
[Music]
[Music]
underneath
[Music]
[Music]
don't take
to you
i love you
i love you too
rach
you're gonna be late for work
[Music]
[Music]
a
[Music]
[Music]
ciao
[Music]
excuse me
this
is a paper bag okay
um
[Music]
wow
sounds like a dream in here
you did all this for me
[Music]
a little longer just
[Music]
you'll never guess who i saw today
go ahead guess
never mind you'll never get it
what
professor petrini my old italian
professor
oh really what
what happened
okay so i see him on the train i go up
to him i'm like ciao professori he
totally remembered me he told me i was
one of his favorite students i'm feeling
kind of bold and i was like i have the
biggest crush on you and he's like i
know he [ __ ] knew can you believe
that and then he says to me if you're
good i will show you my nipples you're
great i will take you to italy and show
you my naples
right hello
all right
yeah no sorry um
that's really funny yeah
kismet
he's so hot nicole he's like 100 years
old i know he's like old man hot he's
the best guy
this for us
yeah i made brisket you save it
oh my goodness um
oh [ __ ]
no
yeah
just pulled it out of the end
[Music]
one stroke of her fingertips and my
heart fell
let into the pit of my stomach
and the next stroke rose up again to the
back of my throat
that exhilarating feeling like the first
drop on the coney island cyclone or
standing behind the curtain poised
waiting to enter the scene
my whole life i've been my biggest
adversary
standing in the way of my own pleasure
now all i want is that feeling
that touch
again
and again
hey there hey
what's up
what are you up to tonight
i don't know i uh
i rented this bizarre film called dog
tooth ah cool let's watch it
cool
see you later
okay bye
hey
didn't get to say bye last night
no worries
so bye
and hi
ps i've been writing
can't wait to read it that is if i have
the privilege
course after all you are one of my
you are my muse
knock knock knock hey hey hey you're in
a good mood over richard so quickly
you're right it's none of my business i
was just gonna say that like what's it
been less than a week
you know and spending some time apart
i'm starting to realize that richard may
not be the right person for me
i'm really happy for you h oh thank you
jessica
you know don't let a man bring you down
you are absolutely right
hey do you want to get lunch
fab
let's go now
i'm starving
so yes i mean there is a part of me that
wants to see her get over richard
because you know she's my best friend
and i don't want to see her suffer and
all that but
there's a slightly larger part of me
that just
doesn't want to hear whine about it she
does love to whine doesn't she yeah but
still
well listen if you can help her help her
and don't worry i'm sure even gandhi
felt some self-satisfaction in all of
his altruism noah you're right and i am
much like gandhi
only thinner and more humble
cameron suggested we get her laid
you're talking to him
no
well it's not a horrible idea just make
sure you get a guided boner don't you do
it
[Music]
you know
she and trevor were totally digging on
each other
way too good oh are you serious you're
such a [ __ ] dick dude come on
fine hook it up he's always liked her
for some bizarre reason you know what
maybe i will
and sure you should do that right now
because obviously i don't need any
help here evo
yo yo yo you working hard
on my friend rachel i assume
not really work per se
let me tell you something
she
totally
digs you
yeah
you know it is really hard to tell
oh my god i i so feel that you know you
know what it is rachel is the like
shy silent type you know you gotta put
in the work
like the full court press and [ __ ]
full court press
okay
well thank you nicole hey
no prob bob
so amber was going out with justin and
you know what she found out they're
related i mean it's like second cousins
like once removed or whatever but like
still like ew but she's still agreed to
go out on a date with him and so she was
telling me about it and i just had to be
like sure it's so great or whatever and
then she told me this and you can't tell
anybody okay she said that after giving
him
she felt so guilty about it that she
cried on his
feet your famous popcorn for dog tooth
what are you so happy about
who's that
no like seriously who was that
oh my god what's his name it's nobody
you know
plus i don't want to jinx it well be
careful rachel
you know you don't want to rush into
these things
you still have a fragile heart
[Music]
um
this movie is so weird
i know
i'm cold
oh my god look at this
she called herself an open book which
may have been true
a book with faded print
written in a language with no rules
no structure whatsoever
but so intriguing is the art of the
chase
so attractive is that
trevor really likes you
have you talked to cameron at all
nope
maybe he was
getting his feet [ __ ]
it's the only viable excuse
it was weird the stuff he was saying
about
sexuality
yeah i try not to listen when he speaks
the stuff about like
women not being able to separate sex
from emotion
oh yeah and about us uh chowing each
other's boxes and look we put it all
into practice
[Music]
should we talk about
that it's there to talk about
we're cool right
yeah
sorry about cameron
don't be
okay
[Music]
do you want to go to lunch with jessica
night no thanks i have a date with a
professor today
oh
what are you doing with that
what do you mean
like what are your
intentions um
to go to lunch
maybe take his photograph
are you trying to
what date him
why not he's brilliant he's charming
devastatingly handsome you're just gonna
end up hurting him nicole
i know you
you're gonna have your fun and you're
gonna toss them aside
it's not gonna last
well like you said rach he's
an old man so i'm pretty sure he knows
how to
handle himself by now but thanks for
your concern
you look really pretty
thanks
me too
[Music]
[Music]
tell the professor i said ciao
[Music]
and this is why we're here i don't know
what it is of all the beautiful things
in here
i keep coming back to this isn't it
gorgeous
absolutely
like you my dear
stop it no don't stop keep going
here please do me the honor of posing
right here on this pillar please
professor you can't you have to
yes yes yes yes okay okay
[Music]
you've reached charles harwell please
leave a detailed map hey charles it's
rachel um rachel nolan uh look please
give me a call back okay um
thanks
okay ready
oh no
professor i don't mean to alarm you
you are extremely handsome now don't
break character let's go let's go stoic
serious ready okay
uh
[Music]
hi mom hi stranger
mom oh i know i know i'm putting it on a
little too thick but
i just miss you that's all
how's that oh you know dad he's the same
he's fine hey um how are you how's work
oh well you know it's a paycheck
every week
yeah how's that essay thing coming along
it's a novel mom and it's
it's gonna fall through
oh
honey
i am so sorry
well i always say you only learn by that
experience
yep you do always say that rachel i know
the nine to five isn't all the glitz and
glamour that you could imagine but
you were the sensible girl
well
i don't know maybe you could um oh do
that writing thing as a hobby huh or
just for fun
yeah
fun
yeah
and then when you and richard you settle
down you talk about
raising a family
you were really going to appreciate
having that paycheck once a week i
believe you me
the boundaries of relationships are a
farce
you know they're just like they're not
there because when you're in a
relationship
you're in it
no one's really like in it in it
you know what i mean
it's just me and i'm all
alone
my heart
was once like this
but now
it's like
yes
i mean
you know how i'm feeling
you were in vietnam
hold on
i'm gonna make a call
hello
oh you got him
you gotta press dial
hello
wondering where i am
[Music]
where are you
i don't know
where are you
i'm walking home how much have you had
to drink
not enough because my heart is still
please find out where you are how am i
supposed to do that hand the phone to
someone less drunk than you that would
be anyone in the bar
you got it
[Music]
hello can you help me i don't know where
i am
hello
honey she's at louise gracias can you
i'm so sorry
okay sure
thank you
thank you thank you
oh it's okay
this will pass
[Music]
this one's for you roger
look at me now boys
okay shirley temple time to go
[Music]
oh this this is roger hi roger your
mother is greek
his father
is not good
but we're gonna be traveling the world
together on his motorcycle okay
i don't even have a motorcycle we're
actors we're just here we just got off
set this isn't even a real goatee roger
i don't care okay
time to go
been in the city long or
well i studied biochemical engineering
at cornell
but then i moved back to the city to
perspective
oh really that's uh
you know what this is us so why don't
you just let her down gently
roger moran is blushing bride
thanks roger
can i
take a photo of your nipples
i like when you sit with me while i'm in
the bath
while i'm bathing
well i like it when you don't drown so
don't be mad at me
where's roger
he's in a better place now
so you getting trashed is obviously not
getting you over richard so we need to
find a new tactic
i don't want to get over richard
besides
roger and i are getting married
you need a rebound guy
not
roger nor any of the other sons of
anarchy like a real human being
like trevor
you just go to bed
carry me okay don't slip and fall okay
pick me up
okay
[Music]
[Music]
i love you
you too
[Music]
let's just
go to bed okay
[Music]
the bed had suddenly become crowded
the space between us unbearable
but who had changed
was it
me
charles
rachel i'm returning your call right
thank you
is everything all right i mean you
didn't sound well
yeah everything everything's fine it's
uh it's good
great in fact i i was calling to tell
you
that i've been thinking about our
conversation and
and i've been
i've been writing
it's a new piece
it's it's inspired it's uh passionate i
think you're going to love it
as well i i look forward to reading it
yes do um
i won't let you down again rachel
i hope you know this is not about you
letting me
down if you need some more time i'm sure
charles i'm so sorry it's nicole on the
other line i think it may be an
emergency i'll call you soon okay
hello i'm picking up your stuff what
when are you going i'll come meet you
no i'm i'm already here it's happening
i'm on my way hey rach
rachel
stay where you are okay
hold on
oh my god oh my god
oh nicole richard hi i'm just here to
pick up rachel's things i'll be out in
just a gif okay
all right this way
you have a beautiful home did your uh
grandmother help you decorate or i go to
a lot of estate sales
that makes all of the sense in the world
so how's she doing
she's great man she's actually like uh
really good really
that's good to hear
she certainly loved plushies
that she does
sorry
it's all right richard
i mean
you guys both kind of knew he was going
south for a while right yeah
i guess so
you know you're just so conservative i
don't think she felt really
free to be yourself you know what i mean
but uh she's doing so much better now so
i'm i'm glad that it was a clean break
and no hard feelings right
well hey it's been real peace out goo
later
you should have seen the look on his
face
[ __ ]
should have snapchatted it
defending my honor wow you're a better
boyfriend than he was
hey rach remember when we talked about
you
getting
weird hey hold on a second
oh my god it's him what
richard
hello
hello rachel how are you
doing well
richard very well it's great to hear
yeah you were
pretty shaken up when you left i i
thought for sure you would call
anyway uh
i was thinking maybe we should go get a
cup of coffee so we can
talk about it um
be nice to get some richard
yes
no
what
bye
who you talking to richie
oh no one
[Music]
bye
[Music]
nicole phone
nicole you will never believe it guess
who grew pear falls he asked me out for
coffee and i was just like
no
no
and i hung up the phone it was amazing
call me back
call me
cheers
[Music]
the question is where is your girlfriend
tonight oh she's right here actually no
my disgusting way of saying i'm single
oh okay well your misfortune is my
fortune
oh hey rache
guys do you remember rachel
hey rachel
nicole can i talk to you for a minute
uh yeah sure
what's up
what are all these people doing here
all of
these people are friends from work
i invited them over trevor is not your
friend you didn't even know his name
until this week well i thought that
maybe you would want to see him don't
you think it's a little [ __ ] up
you um
are you on your moon cycle
rough day at work happens to the best of
us hey
hey is she all right
yeah no she's fine
you know what you should go upstairs and
go get her make her come down here what
yes go please dazzle her with your wit
and charm yes if anyone can get her to
come down at you you should in fact i
order you you go you go now go okay oh
well i'm not taking over now okay here
here here here here the drink okay thank
you
you need two hands
is this where all the cool kids hang out
hey trevor hey i don't want to interrupt
you or anything oh no you're fine come
on in cool
mess it down yeah please have a seat
nice couch yeah thanks looks like a
smurf got murdered it did i uh buried it
in the back
so watch out wild
pretty
wild see that you've been uh putting my
little gift to good use over here yeah
i've about filled every page let's open
it up first you're making love in here
do not move a muscle stay right there
nicole i'm really not in the mood look
you can't deny me okay for my next
project it's perfect do not move this is
the famous photographer nicole weinberg
we can't deny her
smart man okay one photo that's all i
need okay now why don't you lean in as
if you're whispering sweet nothings into
rachel's ear
go ahead
perfect i think you're wrong
you two
are beautiful together okay
now
come downstairs my anti-socialites yes
she has a point
i guess my lady
my lord
[Music]
okay i'm gonna go get you a drink
okay
wear a phone
good to see you call me later i love you
bye
and uh
goodnight
travel good night
any for your thoughts
do you ever feel like
you don't really
know yourself
it's it's terrifying because you
you start to look at your
relationships and you think
like how well do i know this
person i truly know that
and how could i how could i
know someone if i
don't even know myself
you start to think like how much of them
is real or how much of them is this
myth i made up
you know am i
deluding myself
am i just looking for
any random sack of meat to
project my hopes or my dreams
god i don't even know what i would no no
no hey
hey i definitely get it
i just
i really need a friend right now
oh
yeah
oh i'm sorry i didn't really i didn't
mean to
um
hey
i'd love to be your friend
yeah yeah
i'm gonna head out
and um
i'll see you i'll see you around
okay
cool have a good night
sorry about earlier
don't worry about it
it's just there all these
people here when i got home from work
and i just didn't
hey rachel i remember that conversation
we had at the gallery where you talked
about not wanting to be needy or weird
well you're doing it and it makes me not
want to be around you
you're going out yep
see you later
cool have fun
[Music]
so
[Music]
so
[Music]
hello
hey what's up hey i'm kind of busy
what's up well uh are you going to be
home later or
yeah i think so cool let's let's hang
out
cool sure see you later okay bye
me
hey it's nicholas
cage honey i'm home
where are you going
i got a date with a professor i
i thought we had plans i have chinese
food and
booze
we'll eat it tomorrow
chinese is better the next day anyway
where are you guys going some
restaurant in fort greene
what are you
when are you gonna be home
i don't know what's what's with the
inquisition
i just thought we had plans
you'll survive
okay
see you later
i run toward it gaining velocity
yet the distance grows
and still i dread a misstep
for fear i may lose it completely
but in reality
it's already gone it's already gone
we look for comfort where we can't like
a dream instantly forgotten the moment
you reach i need to freeze time and just
live in that moment like a dream
instantly forgotten afraid of admitting
what i'm afraid of sickness that doesn't
want to be healed
ugh it's you
nicole
nicole
nicole
hey where's nicole nicole is on a date
with an old man
eat orange chicken
what you're working on
can i be driving alone there
she's really upset with you you know
don't you say something
no
of course not
so
who are you upset with
nobody
myself i guess
well that's pointless
i'm just gonna
call her and see what time she's coming
home uh she's on a date
she'll answer
but uh that's just something i'm really
sorry do you mind if i i'm sorry
[Music]
where were we
what's her
what's her
the reason why you're upset
you have no idea what you're talking
about oh don't i
i mean i dated that thing for two years
don't say [ __ ] like that well you
obviously have some [ __ ] you need to say
so
[ __ ] say it
say it she's an inconsiderate [ __ ]
[ __ ] okay now we're getting somewhere
no i didn't i didn't mean that you're
right she is an inconsiderate selfish
little [ __ ] it's everything on her
terms she's my best friend
come on
you grovel under her like a sick puppy
she's the authority on your life
i mean she cares so much about you here
you are drinking yourself into oblivion
and she can't even take your phone call
quit being such a [ __ ] [ __ ] and do
something about
it you know i'm gonna
[Music]
break your change
[Music]
[Music]
stop stop what no get off me
[ __ ] what this is a terrible mistake you
need to go go
get the [ __ ] out of here are you serious
it's like two peas in a [ __ ] pot
hi cameron
nicole are you [ __ ]
kidding me
[ __ ] joking [ __ ] kidding me you're
[ __ ] kidding me
we didn't have sex okay
what did you do
we made out
and he fingered me a little bit
cold
congratulations
here is your reward for being the most
selfish
in the universe oh i'm selfish yeah
yeah you are wow
you might be an actual human being i
never knew you were capable of feeling
emotions i don't like to tell you how
i'm feeling because i don't want to
burden you with the dark and depressing
[ __ ] that runs through my mind all day
but you don't have a problem unloading
do you want to burden me
you're the one that is so [ __ ]
wrapped up in your own world that you
can't even see how badly you've hurt me
how
did
i
hurt you not everyone is like you nicole
you go from one guy to the next and you
take what you can get and you disappear
you can't just go around doing whatever
the hell you want and not expect normal
feeling people to get emotionally
inhaled
how did i hurt you
we had sex
and then you go along pretending like
everything is fine no but it's not and
you know that no we hooked up one time
when we were on drugs oh really nicole
was that it
because you seemed very lucid at the
time i'm not a dyke
neither oh my god i am so [ __ ] sick
of people telling me who i am and what i
want [ __ ]
rachel nolan the perpetual victim i'm
not gonna [ __ ] pity you okay
you were
very
clear
on what you wanted that night
you practically
begged me for it
and i just gave you what you wanted
so you can honestly say
that you didn't feel anything
not a thing
you're above it all
aren't you nicole
maybe you didn't feel
anything
but i did
i was really [ __ ] up okay
i didn't know if i was
in love with my best friend
but i know i was alone
and you were conveniently absent when
things got weird
and [ __ ] killed me
what did i do i did something stupid
and it was wrong and i'm and i was wrong
and i'm
i'm so sorry
it's just i i wanted you
to feel something
i wanted you to feel how i felt
because i was hurt and i wanted
i wanted you to hurt
i have nobody to blame
but myself
i
am
so
black
that you've
reached enlightenment
but i can't
forgive you
please don't
[Music]
nicole now please have your autograph
sure thank you
big night tonight huh yep you coming i'm
definitely gonna try to make it cool see
you later yeah absolutely
yes that sounds great judy
yes all right
thank you charles we're all very pleased
over here as are we yeah bye-bye goodbye
judy thank you
how does it feel
i don't know
i guess it hasn't really hit me yet
thank you charles
for everything
you've earned
hey sorry i'm late hey don't worry about
it
so
i signed the papers on monday yes
yes
i'm taking you out this weekend to
celebrate yeah you are
will emily be joining us ah no
oh lady killer
on to the next one huh
i think i'm going to date myself for a
while
that's good
so are you
going tonight
maybe
are you
no
she doesn't want me there
i think she would
[Music]
[Music]
is
[Music]
is
[Music]
[Music]
i'd set ablaze the bridge we'd built in
our bed
a path once easily crossed was rendered
crumbling charred remains
but fire is an instrument of change of
purification
i'll miss her
always
but when one chapter ends
another can begin
[Music]
maybe we never
[Music]
you when you popped into my head
to being strong enough
to turn you down
when you did
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
maybe we never
[Music]
maybe we never
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
fell in
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
all this bright red
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
maybe we never
[Music]
baby
[Music]
[Music]
it's your
[Music]
the turn
to wash our bodies
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
oh
[Music]
[Music]
[Applause]
new