Original subtitles

i took out a photograph from my collection of the first day of my [Music] my sweetheart a very small kids like the ones you won't miss we promised that we never [Music] [Music] i can't hold it instead in love she lives she breathes come on she speaks reach you break up he met someone else in front of all of his friends he just told me i met someone else so i just left he didn't even give me a warning let alone a chance to even say how i feel i did everything for him oh i know you just gotta put a positive spin on it right the you'll have plenty to write about you know what i'm just gonna call him i'm gonna say you made it um no you won't because you just lost your boyfriend do you want to lose your dignity you just need closure he doesn't want you why is that not closure enough please just let me call him i just want to hear it serious move along people nothing to see here give her a break she just got dumped by a guy named goo what did you say his last name is goo it's french i don't care what are you gonna marry a guy named goo be rachel goo oh hold me mr mrs goo yeah the table's hurt okay nicole plus he's a straight-up goo like i'm very surprised that he found someone else because who the hell would want to be with him i want to be with him why you are talented you are intelligent you can be very funny when you're not throwing yourself a pity party although i do see how this could be funny from like a tragic point of view you're beautiful okay you're gonna find somebody worthy of you he's not he's a goo more bubbles yeah you want some more champagne yeah bottomless mimosas for you you're on the bottom there's no bottom no i'm going to go upstairs and change because i've been wearing the same clothes for 31 hours you know what you smell like yeah thank you also [ __ ] you oh i love you too kisses what the [ __ ] nicole where's my bed [ __ ] uh i'm sorry what's up i can't hear you you got rid of my bed about that um you weren't living here i was paying rent i wanted a meditation space you can't even sit still for five seconds how are you gonna meditate are you kidding look at me i'm zen as [ __ ] you can literally meditate anywhere okay i'm gonna be real with you i traded your bed for an ounce of weed in an army you traded it for one for an ounce of wheat in an army jack an army jacket it's vintage from one of the world wars well i hope it's bulletproof because that bed was four thousand dollars and a graduation gift from my great aunt who's recently deceased so namaste i'm tapping into my third eye chakra right now and i'm getting the feeling that you're upset but you're going to share my bed and we're going to be cuddle buddies and it's going to be awesome you're buying me a new bed who's that it's uh cameron what the [ __ ] good plans [ __ ] the world doesn't stop spinning because you got dumped by a goo oh great because what i really wanted to hear was a 28 year old loser from bed stuy wax philosophically about existentialism oh hi cameron rachel a pleasure as always oh take off your shoes we wouldn't want any track marks oh cute cute so what are we celebrating girls oh we are actually celebrating rachel who has just today been emancipated from the shackles of richard goo's oppressive regimentation free last free last thank god almighty we are free to freedom and to uh getting along [Music] so what'd you even like about that guy anyway i don't know stability yeah well you're better off without him thanks cameron have you been with anyone since what do you mean ben with you know known in the biblical sense i don't know lane with we broke up this morning it's never too early for a rebound [ __ ] that's like the whole point oh you would wouldn't you i'm far from ready for that what do you got to get ready for you just lay down and spread your legs emotionally ready this just further brews my theory and uh which theory is that um that women can't separate sex from emotion whereas men can why because the primal urge to spread their seed misogynistic [ __ ] hey i'm not a massage okay i love you okay yeah that's real rich thank you so let me get this straight you can have sex with somebody and never think about them again correct i don't understand i don't expect you to you're a woman i don't see what that has to do with anything it's just sex okay pardon me excuse me i have um i have a question is that how you justify having [ __ ] a dude come on wait you [ __ ] a dude i did not [ __ ] do oh that's right he [ __ ] you wait so he [ __ ] you or did you he did not [ __ ] me just tell her the story okay fine yes story time so we had this gig in chelsea and afterwards i'm hanging out at the bar and this guy comes up to me and asks if i want to come over and do some coke so i told him yeah naturally and he says to me hey i really like feet is that okay with you yeah so i'm just like whatever we're sitting on his couch and after you know a few lines of coke he comes up to me and he removes my shoes and i'm thinking like okay he's gonna give me like a foot massage or something like that so then he pulls down his pants his dick rock hard he takes my feet presses him together spits on it and proceeds to [ __ ] the hole in between my feet no it gets better jesse's about to finish he looks at me dead in the eyes and he says did you ever do this with your dad no [ __ ] comes all over my pant leg oh my god so what's the moral to this little story uh that men can separate sex from emotion hence the phrase it's just sex i'm not sure that that is the moral to that yeah and it also sounds pretty gay yeah well you know that's just a misconception of gender roles in our society well i suppose you think when like two girls hook up with one another they're just having a little fun i don't think i forgot about that little lesbian rendezvous you had what you hooked up with a girl a little girly number from the studio wait naomi she's old conolingus knows no age only beauty i can't believe you never told me that because it's meaningless contrary to popular belief women can have sex without emotion i don't know every detail you know what why don't i just show you what what wait what are you doing yeah that's what i'm talking about let me see them fate no yeah oh yeah girl my feet well it was much more romantic than that okay oh we were on cocaine hey keep it chin up kid thanks cameron i'll see you at nicole's show i miss you you're cool just stay yeah please all right drunky i'll see you okay you haven't caught her how do you do that do what see him rach we are artists with tortured souls much of the torture of self-inflicted [Music] what are you doing are you taking a selfie mm-hmm oh good use a filter oh good i can't believe he got rid of my bed like who does that he's you [ __ ] actually that's pretty good keep doing that is this what you did in naomi no this this is what i did tonight you're killing me i'm gonna sleep i can't breathe [Laughter] i really loved i know [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] oh [ __ ] relax i took the liberty of calling in for you you what i told them you ate some bad sushi and it's coming out of both ends good well i'm glad you told me it was coming out of both ends well i had to sell it you're welcome and now you can come to work with me oh you have a job did anyone ever tell you you are such a precious gem when you're hungover here you go ugh i can't even look at this [ __ ] don't look just drink hurry up brush your hair you okay yes [Music] you look here with a girl a little girlier number from the studio wait naomi [Music] rachel let's get you into alpha number two everybody else take ten oh thank god yeah yeah indeed yep we are full-service studio we do offer hair and makeup a um yeah we do have hair and makeup absolutely stylist if you need and okay i have you on the books for naomi on december 18th goodbye [ __ ] hungover understatement you comfortable down there or yeah i like the way the cement feels on my body want a cigarette oh i don't smoke but thank you oh oh thank you yeah it's been a while yeah i've been kind of off the radar i guess you could say i can better than ever i see yeah i mean it takes true talent to hold a bounce board all that geometry hey and don't forget my astoundingly strong tricep muscles yeah you make it look really easy you're welcome hey um so i'm doing this reading and yeah you sh you should come what are you reading um it's kind of sick and twisted childhood diary entries rewritten with adult perspective and vernacular but seriously um you should try you should come you're in luck i'm gonna be reading a passage about my first ever boner there's that oh that's amazing hi excuse me slave oh wow okay i'm being summoned to off to work you must go hi ho i hope the dwarves yeah hey thanks for the invite ugh uh what's your problem i have my meeting with charles i think i'm just gonna cancel it dude you've been blowing that guy off for two months what's your meeting it's in 15 minutes i'm not even dressed i feel like it's your meeting is in 15 minutes yeah you're going no you're no you're you're going i'm very glad that i'm here because i'm a very positive influence on you oh yeah very good influence [Music] you look like hell well that's funny because i feel like an angel how have you been oh well i've been great my boyfriend took me out for a nice meal humiliated me in front of all of his friends and then he dumped me well you'll have plenty of time to make these changes it's not about time charles i just i don't have the backbone anymore well there are a lot of other writers out there who do they're hungry for this but i'm here because i see something in you what do you see in me i see someone who if she would just challenge herself and push past the point of feeling uncomfortable could do great things and in doing so make me a lot of money but right now all i see is someone who wants to throw in the towel when times get tough this is a gift rachel don't throw it away [Music] dude look at you you are primed for rebound sex right i'm not i'm not even there yet rach what is the point of us going if you're not gonna flirt with the cute front desk guy well first of all his name is trevor and i'm not gonna flirt with him okay okay i'll see you later bye i don't even know how anymore look you go up to him afterward be friendly smile tell me you liked it whether you did or not offer to buy me beer well what if he says yes look what are you gonna do you'll be the third wheel i won't earnest is meeting us there oh ernest who is that your flavor of the month yep tastes like money and aqua digi red pricklings up my legs starting from my toes and down my back starting from my brain coursed through my frame all leading to one place the center of my being my penis was alive vigor was its name what used to be a spongy flesh and a collection of filth was now a beacon like the lighthouse at long beach island it stood on end shining was there a bone down there stop this is special would it be this way forever my pants were slightly disfigured as if an elf was reaching through my jammies for jesus's help jesus isn't real i mean the the work itself was just so profound he took an experience that we could all relate to with males of course and express it in a way that maintained the naivete of youth while still incorporating the complexities of adult processes oh my god you were so great oh man thanks you're really funny cool i'm glad you came thanks for coming i'm gonna have to introduce myself i'm ernest oh are you oh he is i am uh why don't we all get a dream yeah yeah i was going to suggest that actually i know the perfect place i mean that vulnerability that most people don't even delve into and to take that and to share it amongst a group of strangers i mean it's it's provocative very evocative whoa thanks man provocativeness in its boldest form i mean but not just for the viewer but for your own personal being nicole can you please stop i'm trying to have a conversation hands where i can see him right guys hey trevor did you know that rachel is a writer oh really no no i did not know that i'm not really right i don't know i just i haven't really put pen to paper in a very long time just have nothing to write about there's always something to write about you know what it is i think it has to do with fear you know like we as artists we we're afraid that what we create is not going to be good enough or you know perfect the worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt you studied let's see look at how well she turned out didn't she commit suicide she did yemen you know it's it's hard to find inspiration i'm sorry i can't i can't hear you what was that uh i was saying it's hard to find inspiration when your head is in an oven goodness i'm kidding i'm sorry okay these are i'm sorry i'm trying to make a joke okay don't don't try but okay no but but i am i am serious i do i do think it is hard to find inspiration yeah well if you sit around you wait for inspiration it might never come you know but that's why i try to force myself to write every single day let the juices flow sometimes i'll sit there for hours and other times stroke a genius hey better than a regular stroke i mean i don't understand it an artistic concept but from a business standpoint absolutely yeah she's taught his big sister ernest shut the [ __ ] up okay so tonight was oddly entertaining i thought it was fun it was fun hey i was serious about what i said before if you want to be a writer i think you should be alright right the inspiration will come once you get out of your own way sorry i'm like boxer and be a total jerk you're not a total jerk i mean god with the amount of time i've spent feeling sorry for myself lately i could have written like three self-help books and like nine erotic novels you're not a total jerk i mean a quasi-jerk maybe that's kind of given was a jerk here i am thinking i just ruined our first date on the street you see she's got the right idea who's jesus yeah but look at her though isn't she beautiful she's loving her life not giving a [ __ ] about anything but the big guy upstairs [Music] i am do you think i could ever be free like that probably yeah you're probably right well i think i better go cause i gotta make sure that ernest is still alive she is a man-eater that's very true great trevor hey keep your head out of the up okay well i'll try all right bye keep your head out of here keep your head out of the oven [Music] tomorrow what looking forward to your call i had a lovely evening so you're going to confident tomorrow i'm literally never going to see that human again he's somehow more boring than you are boring let me tell you i have macro made a potholder last week okay on two cups of decaf coffee let's talk about boring do you remember when you used to be fun rach we used to stay out every single night till six a.m [ __ ] drunk dance dancing our little tushies off taking the l train of shame home every morning oh yeah and getting [ __ ] scooped by that heinous bouncer at the lit lounge or how about when i was holding your hair back while you were puking a bile in marcus garvey park the dictionary definition fun god those were the days september 27 2012 cutting the cord a poem by rachel nolan nicole don't when your mother's cervical cave yawned upon your arrival and met the son halfway betwixt hither and dither love was made and candid spotted what this isn't funny uh are you embarrassed this is who you are okay look at us we are young ish better than average looking weirdo artsy types living in the best goddamn city in the world okay i'd say we have pretty [ __ ] good and you you have a booktube i don't have a book deal okay i have a shitty manuscript that continuously gets ripped to shreds and it'll never be good enough to publish and i'm [ __ ] over it okay oh negative nancy i didn't see you arriving okay i'm negative nancy now i don't know rach but i don't know who this is richard turned you into this conservative little cardigan wearing house-trained stepford wife this is not you okay well since you obviously know me better than i know myself if rachel was here right now what would she be doing she wouldn't be here she would be with trevor having a hot and heavy make-out sesh depending on his worthiness probably feeling his boner a little bit but keeping it classy and not [ __ ] on the first date okay is that what she would do yeah she would well i don't know who you think i am or was or should be but i am not that person anymore yeah well maybe you should be because that person was fun a lot happier than you are richard goo made sense he was not what i wanted deep down i knew that but my life so far had been a series of unfulfilled dreams and unfulfilled desires not to feel an empty vessel i gave myself to him completely [Music] blended into him with the hope he'd mold me into something worthwhile hey girl oh jesus jessica you look like you've been tracked to the mud you want to go to lunch you know not today i'm sorry i kind of always say that look jessica richard and i just broke up not really in the mood i know i saw it on the internet i was wondering when you were going to tell me that you don't have to i am here for you okay okay you just let me know if you need anything wow okay thank you you have value oh okay uh i hate you you love me so i have to slave away my dead-end job we get to sleep all day i was working mm-hmm i'm so sure i have just developed the final piece for my show self-portrait wow it's a part of a much larger installation of course entitled are you ready photos of my nipples i've always said that nipples are the eyes to the heart you've never said that well i'm saying it now so i try to get a nitpick of every new person i make okay that's a lot of nipples let me take a photo of your nipples oh hell no okay just one just the wonky one richard always liked my wonky nipple he said it was like bringing another woman into the bedroom that's weird yeah anyway show me the one-eyed bandit what are you doing getting off yeah no stop killing [Music] kill yourself that's mine [Music] how do i look hold on dude i'm so happy for you shut up seriously i remember my first quinceanera oh because i look like a pinata and because you're full of sweet things shall we go inside yes we shall [Music] hey where's your bounce board oh my god i can't believe i left is there a lost and found here you know it should really never leave your side to begin with you're so right i need like one of those little pocket ones are gonna whip it out and be like oh find your light you know hey hello hey can you hold this i gotta pee sure hey nicole how do you know hi trevor hmm okay maturity let me know if you see cameron okay sure um so i got you something you did it's no big deal it's just uh i saw it and i had thought this is so great yeah yeah no problem you just uh write your thoughts in it or not um haikus or you know my first ever boner write about that endless possibilities and that was really sweet uh [Music] hey you will never guess who's here who stephen anthony lawrence i know i invited him he really likes photography yeah and your nipples as i recall look steven anthony lawrence is the willy wonka of drugs okay his apartment the chocolate factory anything could happen if my top just magically happened to fall off i can't be held accountable for that ladies stephen come to papa wow did you skim this yourself you must have been working out oh you ladies are so funny nicole your pictures are so beautiful thank you steven i've always said nipples are the eyes to the heart okay that is not a thing especially the self-portrait they are as divine as i remember their muffins you're making them blush ladies i wanted to give you something pure mdma steven are you trying to seduce me because it's working have fun ladies claudia bring that ass back here girl that musical with a song about beans or was it green did you just take that your turn i'm not taking it you're gonna let me go down the rabbit hole by myself no i didn't even we didn't even i didn't even think about this when we talk about it stephen anthony lawrence is a trusted source you know this no it's not him it's just i don't i don't it's i'm scared that it scares me rach there's a reason they call it ecstasy okay plus you've done it like a thousand times i've done it four and a half times half because at one time i went to that warehouse party that definitely wasn't tasty the damn pill you don't often have the chance to share my project before it's my subject the opportunity to express themselves and their nipples with freedom i'm changing lives stephen i will never forget the time when we went and got burritos and i left my wallet at home and you bought me that burrito i don't even think i ever paid you back it's cool yo are you sure hi can i uh borrow her for a minute thanks [Music] is yeah let's go pee oh hello i'm rolling balls right now oh god it's hard to be on drugs well why don't you quit trying so hard you hear that that's the sound and the stream of consciousness you are a genius thank you i saw you give your girlfriend googly eye why are you so upset because it's fascinating well if you're so fascinated by it why don't you just do it why her i don't know she's been eating [ __ ] since 1982. no i mean why her and not me is it because i'm not pretty enough [Music] no you're obviously just way too classy for me i'm serious really um well okay one you're my best friend sure two you don't even like girls and three you get weird i do not get weird how do i get weird you're really you're gonna make me spell this out for you right now okay um well with every guy you ever dated and every guy you've had sex with for that matter you get really clingy and weird don't get weird sometimes everything just feels so out of control and i just wait you are completely missing the point okay this is you you're ready you're like you're looking at your watch you're like what time is it the time is always a clock okay the only time you have any semblance of control is in this current moment this is the only moment that we're ever in this is the only moment that ever exists this moment right now yeah then now one what are you doing [Music] it's [Music] let's go jesus not a bentley right what the [ __ ] a bentley yeah it's black yeah thank you [Music] [Applause] [Music] um i'm done at the way these lights just intertwine with one another it's like they're all a family oh well you know they say heim is where the heart is that's what they say in scotland it sounded better in my head i'm sure second star to the right and straight on until morning i'm king of the world god wait what movie are you doing titanic what are you doing peter pan oh that's right i can fly ugh so good right now what do you want watch your fingers is [Music] [Music] underneath [Music] [Music] don't take to you i love you i love you too rach you're gonna be late for work [Music] [Music] a [Music] [Music] ciao [Music] excuse me this is a paper bag okay um [Music] wow sounds like a dream in here you did all this for me [Music] a little longer just [Music] you'll never guess who i saw today go ahead guess never mind you'll never get it what professor petrini my old italian professor oh really what what happened okay so i see him on the train i go up to him i'm like ciao professori he totally remembered me he told me i was one of his favorite students i'm feeling kind of bold and i was like i have the biggest crush on you and he's like i know he [ __ ] knew can you believe that and then he says to me if you're good i will show you my nipples you're great i will take you to italy and show you my naples right hello all right yeah no sorry um that's really funny yeah kismet he's so hot nicole he's like 100 years old i know he's like old man hot he's the best guy this for us yeah i made brisket you save it oh my goodness um oh [ __ ] no yeah just pulled it out of the end [Music] one stroke of her fingertips and my heart fell let into the pit of my stomach and the next stroke rose up again to the back of my throat that exhilarating feeling like the first drop on the coney island cyclone or standing behind the curtain poised waiting to enter the scene my whole life i've been my biggest adversary standing in the way of my own pleasure now all i want is that feeling that touch again and again hey there hey what's up what are you up to tonight i don't know i uh i rented this bizarre film called dog tooth ah cool let's watch it cool see you later okay bye hey didn't get to say bye last night no worries so bye and hi ps i've been writing can't wait to read it that is if i have the privilege course after all you are one of my you are my muse knock knock knock hey hey hey you're in a good mood over richard so quickly you're right it's none of my business i was just gonna say that like what's it been less than a week you know and spending some time apart i'm starting to realize that richard may not be the right person for me i'm really happy for you h oh thank you jessica you know don't let a man bring you down you are absolutely right hey do you want to get lunch fab let's go now i'm starving so yes i mean there is a part of me that wants to see her get over richard because you know she's my best friend and i don't want to see her suffer and all that but there's a slightly larger part of me that just doesn't want to hear whine about it she does love to whine doesn't she yeah but still well listen if you can help her help her and don't worry i'm sure even gandhi felt some self-satisfaction in all of his altruism noah you're right and i am much like gandhi only thinner and more humble cameron suggested we get her laid you're talking to him no well it's not a horrible idea just make sure you get a guided boner don't you do it [Music] you know she and trevor were totally digging on each other way too good oh are you serious you're such a [ __ ] dick dude come on fine hook it up he's always liked her for some bizarre reason you know what maybe i will and sure you should do that right now because obviously i don't need any help here evo yo yo yo you working hard on my friend rachel i assume not really work per se let me tell you something she totally digs you yeah you know it is really hard to tell oh my god i i so feel that you know you know what it is rachel is the like shy silent type you know you gotta put in the work like the full court press and [ __ ] full court press okay well thank you nicole hey no prob bob so amber was going out with justin and you know what she found out they're related i mean it's like second cousins like once removed or whatever but like still like ew but she's still agreed to go out on a date with him and so she was telling me about it and i just had to be like sure it's so great or whatever and then she told me this and you can't tell anybody okay she said that after giving him she felt so guilty about it that she cried on his feet your famous popcorn for dog tooth what are you so happy about who's that no like seriously who was that oh my god what's his name it's nobody you know plus i don't want to jinx it well be careful rachel you know you don't want to rush into these things you still have a fragile heart [Music] um this movie is so weird i know i'm cold oh my god look at this she called herself an open book which may have been true a book with faded print written in a language with no rules no structure whatsoever but so intriguing is the art of the chase so attractive is that trevor really likes you have you talked to cameron at all nope maybe he was getting his feet [ __ ] it's the only viable excuse it was weird the stuff he was saying about sexuality yeah i try not to listen when he speaks the stuff about like women not being able to separate sex from emotion oh yeah and about us uh chowing each other's boxes and look we put it all into practice [Music] should we talk about that it's there to talk about we're cool right yeah sorry about cameron don't be okay [Music] do you want to go to lunch with jessica night no thanks i have a date with a professor today oh what are you doing with that what do you mean like what are your intentions um to go to lunch maybe take his photograph are you trying to what date him why not he's brilliant he's charming devastatingly handsome you're just gonna end up hurting him nicole i know you you're gonna have your fun and you're gonna toss them aside it's not gonna last well like you said rach he's an old man so i'm pretty sure he knows how to handle himself by now but thanks for your concern you look really pretty thanks me too [Music] [Music] tell the professor i said ciao [Music] and this is why we're here i don't know what it is of all the beautiful things in here i keep coming back to this isn't it gorgeous absolutely like you my dear stop it no don't stop keep going here please do me the honor of posing right here on this pillar please professor you can't you have to yes yes yes yes okay okay [Music] you've reached charles harwell please leave a detailed map hey charles it's rachel um rachel nolan uh look please give me a call back okay um thanks okay ready oh no professor i don't mean to alarm you you are extremely handsome now don't break character let's go let's go stoic serious ready okay uh [Music] hi mom hi stranger mom oh i know i know i'm putting it on a little too thick but i just miss you that's all how's that oh you know dad he's the same he's fine hey um how are you how's work oh well you know it's a paycheck every week yeah how's that essay thing coming along it's a novel mom and it's it's gonna fall through oh honey i am so sorry well i always say you only learn by that experience yep you do always say that rachel i know the nine to five isn't all the glitz and glamour that you could imagine but you were the sensible girl well i don't know maybe you could um oh do that writing thing as a hobby huh or just for fun yeah fun yeah and then when you and richard you settle down you talk about raising a family you were really going to appreciate having that paycheck once a week i believe you me the boundaries of relationships are a farce you know they're just like they're not there because when you're in a relationship you're in it no one's really like in it in it you know what i mean it's just me and i'm all alone my heart was once like this but now it's like yes i mean you know how i'm feeling you were in vietnam hold on i'm gonna make a call hello oh you got him you gotta press dial hello wondering where i am [Music] where are you i don't know where are you i'm walking home how much have you had to drink not enough because my heart is still please find out where you are how am i supposed to do that hand the phone to someone less drunk than you that would be anyone in the bar you got it [Music] hello can you help me i don't know where i am hello honey she's at louise gracias can you i'm so sorry okay sure thank you thank you thank you oh it's okay this will pass [Music] this one's for you roger look at me now boys okay shirley temple time to go [Music] oh this this is roger hi roger your mother is greek his father is not good but we're gonna be traveling the world together on his motorcycle okay i don't even have a motorcycle we're actors we're just here we just got off set this isn't even a real goatee roger i don't care okay time to go been in the city long or well i studied biochemical engineering at cornell but then i moved back to the city to perspective oh really that's uh you know what this is us so why don't you just let her down gently roger moran is blushing bride thanks roger can i take a photo of your nipples i like when you sit with me while i'm in the bath while i'm bathing well i like it when you don't drown so don't be mad at me where's roger he's in a better place now so you getting trashed is obviously not getting you over richard so we need to find a new tactic i don't want to get over richard besides roger and i are getting married you need a rebound guy not roger nor any of the other sons of anarchy like a real human being like trevor you just go to bed carry me okay don't slip and fall okay pick me up okay [Music] [Music] i love you you too [Music] let's just go to bed okay [Music] the bed had suddenly become crowded the space between us unbearable but who had changed was it me charles rachel i'm returning your call right thank you is everything all right i mean you didn't sound well yeah everything everything's fine it's uh it's good great in fact i i was calling to tell you that i've been thinking about our conversation and and i've been i've been writing it's a new piece it's it's inspired it's uh passionate i think you're going to love it as well i i look forward to reading it yes do um i won't let you down again rachel i hope you know this is not about you letting me down if you need some more time i'm sure charles i'm so sorry it's nicole on the other line i think it may be an emergency i'll call you soon okay hello i'm picking up your stuff what when are you going i'll come meet you no i'm i'm already here it's happening i'm on my way hey rach rachel stay where you are okay hold on oh my god oh my god oh nicole richard hi i'm just here to pick up rachel's things i'll be out in just a gif okay all right this way you have a beautiful home did your uh grandmother help you decorate or i go to a lot of estate sales that makes all of the sense in the world so how's she doing she's great man she's actually like uh really good really that's good to hear she certainly loved plushies that she does sorry it's all right richard i mean you guys both kind of knew he was going south for a while right yeah i guess so you know you're just so conservative i don't think she felt really free to be yourself you know what i mean but uh she's doing so much better now so i'm i'm glad that it was a clean break and no hard feelings right well hey it's been real peace out goo later you should have seen the look on his face [ __ ] should have snapchatted it defending my honor wow you're a better boyfriend than he was hey rach remember when we talked about you getting weird hey hold on a second oh my god it's him what richard hello hello rachel how are you doing well richard very well it's great to hear yeah you were pretty shaken up when you left i i thought for sure you would call anyway uh i was thinking maybe we should go get a cup of coffee so we can talk about it um be nice to get some richard yes no what bye who you talking to richie oh no one [Music] bye [Music] nicole phone nicole you will never believe it guess who grew pear falls he asked me out for coffee and i was just like no no and i hung up the phone it was amazing call me back call me cheers [Music] the question is where is your girlfriend tonight oh she's right here actually no my disgusting way of saying i'm single oh okay well your misfortune is my fortune oh hey rache guys do you remember rachel hey rachel nicole can i talk to you for a minute uh yeah sure what's up what are all these people doing here all of these people are friends from work i invited them over trevor is not your friend you didn't even know his name until this week well i thought that maybe you would want to see him don't you think it's a little [ __ ] up you um are you on your moon cycle rough day at work happens to the best of us hey hey is she all right yeah no she's fine you know what you should go upstairs and go get her make her come down here what yes go please dazzle her with your wit and charm yes if anyone can get her to come down at you you should in fact i order you you go you go now go okay oh well i'm not taking over now okay here here here here here the drink okay thank you you need two hands is this where all the cool kids hang out hey trevor hey i don't want to interrupt you or anything oh no you're fine come on in cool mess it down yeah please have a seat nice couch yeah thanks looks like a smurf got murdered it did i uh buried it in the back so watch out wild pretty wild see that you've been uh putting my little gift to good use over here yeah i've about filled every page let's open it up first you're making love in here do not move a muscle stay right there nicole i'm really not in the mood look you can't deny me okay for my next project it's perfect do not move this is the famous photographer nicole weinberg we can't deny her smart man okay one photo that's all i need okay now why don't you lean in as if you're whispering sweet nothings into rachel's ear go ahead perfect i think you're wrong you two are beautiful together okay now come downstairs my anti-socialites yes she has a point i guess my lady my lord [Music] okay i'm gonna go get you a drink okay wear a phone good to see you call me later i love you bye and uh goodnight travel good night any for your thoughts do you ever feel like you don't really know yourself it's it's terrifying because you you start to look at your relationships and you think like how well do i know this person i truly know that and how could i how could i know someone if i don't even know myself you start to think like how much of them is real or how much of them is this myth i made up you know am i deluding myself am i just looking for any random sack of meat to project my hopes or my dreams god i don't even know what i would no no no hey hey i definitely get it i just i really need a friend right now oh yeah oh i'm sorry i didn't really i didn't mean to um hey i'd love to be your friend yeah yeah i'm gonna head out and um i'll see you i'll see you around okay cool have a good night sorry about earlier don't worry about it it's just there all these people here when i got home from work and i just didn't hey rachel i remember that conversation we had at the gallery where you talked about not wanting to be needy or weird well you're doing it and it makes me not want to be around you you're going out yep see you later cool have fun [Music] so [Music] so [Music] hello hey what's up hey i'm kind of busy what's up well uh are you going to be home later or yeah i think so cool let's let's hang out cool sure see you later okay bye me hey it's nicholas cage honey i'm home where are you going i got a date with a professor i i thought we had plans i have chinese food and booze we'll eat it tomorrow chinese is better the next day anyway where are you guys going some restaurant in fort greene what are you when are you gonna be home i don't know what's what's with the inquisition i just thought we had plans you'll survive okay see you later i run toward it gaining velocity yet the distance grows and still i dread a misstep for fear i may lose it completely but in reality it's already gone it's already gone we look for comfort where we can't like a dream instantly forgotten the moment you reach i need to freeze time and just live in that moment like a dream instantly forgotten afraid of admitting what i'm afraid of sickness that doesn't want to be healed ugh it's you nicole nicole nicole hey where's nicole nicole is on a date with an old man eat orange chicken what you're working on can i be driving alone there she's really upset with you you know don't you say something no of course not so who are you upset with nobody myself i guess well that's pointless i'm just gonna call her and see what time she's coming home uh she's on a date she'll answer but uh that's just something i'm really sorry do you mind if i i'm sorry [Music] where were we what's her what's her the reason why you're upset you have no idea what you're talking about oh don't i i mean i dated that thing for two years don't say [ __ ] like that well you obviously have some [ __ ] you need to say so [ __ ] say it say it she's an inconsiderate [ __ ] [ __ ] okay now we're getting somewhere no i didn't i didn't mean that you're right she is an inconsiderate selfish little [ __ ] it's everything on her terms she's my best friend come on you grovel under her like a sick puppy she's the authority on your life i mean she cares so much about you here you are drinking yourself into oblivion and she can't even take your phone call quit being such a [ __ ] [ __ ] and do something about it you know i'm gonna [Music] break your change [Music] [Music] stop stop what no get off me [ __ ] what this is a terrible mistake you need to go go get the [ __ ] out of here are you serious it's like two peas in a [ __ ] pot hi cameron nicole are you [ __ ] kidding me [ __ ] joking [ __ ] kidding me you're [ __ ] kidding me we didn't have sex okay what did you do we made out and he fingered me a little bit cold congratulations here is your reward for being the most selfish in the universe oh i'm selfish yeah yeah you are wow you might be an actual human being i never knew you were capable of feeling emotions i don't like to tell you how i'm feeling because i don't want to burden you with the dark and depressing [ __ ] that runs through my mind all day but you don't have a problem unloading do you want to burden me you're the one that is so [ __ ] wrapped up in your own world that you can't even see how badly you've hurt me how did i hurt you not everyone is like you nicole you go from one guy to the next and you take what you can get and you disappear you can't just go around doing whatever the hell you want and not expect normal feeling people to get emotionally inhaled how did i hurt you we had sex and then you go along pretending like everything is fine no but it's not and you know that no we hooked up one time when we were on drugs oh really nicole was that it because you seemed very lucid at the time i'm not a dyke neither oh my god i am so [ __ ] sick of people telling me who i am and what i want [ __ ] rachel nolan the perpetual victim i'm not gonna [ __ ] pity you okay you were very clear on what you wanted that night you practically begged me for it and i just gave you what you wanted so you can honestly say that you didn't feel anything not a thing you're above it all aren't you nicole maybe you didn't feel anything but i did i was really [ __ ] up okay i didn't know if i was in love with my best friend but i know i was alone and you were conveniently absent when things got weird and [ __ ] killed me what did i do i did something stupid and it was wrong and i'm and i was wrong and i'm i'm so sorry it's just i i wanted you to feel something i wanted you to feel how i felt because i was hurt and i wanted i wanted you to hurt i have nobody to blame but myself i am so black that you've reached enlightenment but i can't forgive you please don't [Music] nicole now please have your autograph sure thank you big night tonight huh yep you coming i'm definitely gonna try to make it cool see you later yeah absolutely yes that sounds great judy yes all right thank you charles we're all very pleased over here as are we yeah bye-bye goodbye judy thank you how does it feel i don't know i guess it hasn't really hit me yet thank you charles for everything you've earned hey sorry i'm late hey don't worry about it so i signed the papers on monday yes yes i'm taking you out this weekend to celebrate yeah you are will emily be joining us ah no oh lady killer on to the next one huh i think i'm going to date myself for a while that's good so are you going tonight maybe are you no she doesn't want me there i think she would [Music] [Music] is [Music] is [Music] [Music] i'd set ablaze the bridge we'd built in our bed a path once easily crossed was rendered crumbling charred remains but fire is an instrument of change of purification i'll miss her always but when one chapter ends another can begin [Music] maybe we never [Music] you when you popped into my head to being strong enough to turn you down when you did [Music] [Applause] [Music] maybe we never [Music] maybe we never [Music] [Applause] [Music] fell in [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] all this bright red [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] maybe we never [Music] baby [Music] [Music] it's your [Music] the turn to wash our bodies [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh [Music] [Music] [Applause] new