Original subtitles

This programme contains scenes of a sexual nature.

Did you know that Santa Claus had a white coat once?

Yeah.

He was shining in the sky

He was shining in the sky

like the brightest star with the longest tail.

He was riding his noblest moose

He was riding his noblest moose

with a fur like snow and a heart of gold.

They were friends. They were brothers.

They were friends. They were brothers.

But one day came the biggest snowstorm

since the beginning of time.

It was so, so cold

that the lakes froze to the bottom

and the air cracked.

and the air cracked.

Santa Claus and his faithful friend were buried

in the deep snow of Rovaniemi...

..and they looked death right in the eyes.

Santa's red beard turned to ice...

Santa's red beard turned to ice...

..and his heart froze.

"If we warm each other," said the moose...

"If we warm each other," said the moose...

(SLURPS SOFTLY) .."then we'll live" .

But Santa grabbed an icicle...

But Santa grabbed an icicle...

and stabbed the moose.

Santa opened the soft belly of his faithful friend

and buried himself inside it,

and buried himself inside it,

soaking his white coat in warm red blood.

Santa slept between the heart and stomach of his faithful friend...

..and so he survived the cold and the storm.

My mom always told me this story for Christmas.

My mom always told me this story for Christmas.

Funny, isn't it?

(DOG BARKS)

(OPENING THEME SONG)

(WIND HOWLS)

(DISTANT FOLK MUSIC)

ON CAR STEREO: # PAIVI HIRVONEN: Nouskaa Neidot

Lua, come here!

Lua, come here!

(BOTH LAUGH)

Mmm!

(SNIFFS DEEPLY) Mm! (LAUGHS)

Yep.

Yep.

OK.

Fancy a beer, guys?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, sure.

(COUGHS)

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

Where shall I put the boots? Just throw everything in this corner.

Welcome!

This is my special lamp. Otherwise I go crazy up here.

This is my special lamp. Otherwise I go crazy up here.

You're a hunter? Ah. My ex-husband was.

He left me and Tuuli here with a snail farm.

He left me and Tuuli here with a snail farm.

Oh, God, he was a... You know, he was a jerk.

He really thought that he could make money with snails.

But can you imagine? Snails, escargot, in Finland?

But can you imagine? Snails, escargot, in Finland?

This one is a beauty.

You like it? Yeah.

You like it? Yeah.

You ever go hunting?

Occasionally, yes.

Which one of you is Tuuli's boyfriend?

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

(LAUGHS) Come on! I'm just curious.

(LAUGHS) Come on! I'm just curious.

I need to make up the rooms. Well, I'm sleeping in my room...

Mm-hm. ..of course. And the boys can stay on the sofas.

Mm-hm. ..of course. And the boys can stay on the sofas.

Ah, so why did you pick wintertime to come up here?

Because Tuuli wanted to show us where she's from.

Because Tuuli wanted to show us where she's from.

Yeah, and it's the most wonderful time of the year, isn't it?

(CHUCKLES) And she finally passed her exams. Yeah.

Ah, OK.

Ah, OK.

I would like to propose a toast. For Tuuli.

I'm so proud of you.

(HISSING) Well, yeah, I am working for an NGO.

We are building up energy infrastructure

We are building up energy infrastructure

in Middle East and West Africa.

I spent most of the last year in Cote d'Ivoire.

So you're building them? With your own hands?

So you're building them? With your own hands?

No, well, I'm... more like evaluating.

You see, don't tell me stories.

And you must be the guy from New York. (STEAM HISSES)

And you must be the guy from New York. (STEAM HISSES)

Yes. I work in a literary agency in Manhattan.

And what exactly are you doing there?

Oh, I try to find new manuscripts.

Oh, I try to find new manuscripts.

I read them and I write reports about them

for European publishers -

like Otava in Finland. OK.

And what is your reason for doing that?

Well, after Colombia I worked in Hamburg in a publishing house...

..and, yeah, then I got this offer, so I take the chance.

..and, yeah, then I got this offer, so I take the chance.

And that is your reason?

and I wanted to somehow...

(BREATHES HEAVILY) I gotta go.

Oh, yeah, well, me too.

(LAUGHS)

Arhh! Ohh! (GROANS)

(SHRIEKS)

Ohh! Arhh!

Ohh! Arhh!

Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!

(GRUNTS)

Ohh! (SHRIEKS) Oh!

(LAUGHTER)

(SIGHS)

(WHOOPING AND SHRIEKING)

(WHOOPING AND SHRIEKING)

(SHOUTING AND LAUGHTER)

Arhh! Ohh!

Whoa. (LAUGHS)

Ho-ho-ho! Let's go, ladies! Next round.

Ho-ho-ho! Let's go, ladies! Next round.

(LAUGHS)

Whoo. (STEAM HISSES)

Mm.

Mm.

(COUGHS)

(COUGHS)

Hm?

(LAUGHS)

Oh, welcome back!

(EERIE VOICES ECHO)

Mm.

(EERIE VOICES ECHO)

(EERIE VOICES ECHO)

(METALLIC TAPPING)

Scheisse. (GRUNTS)

Scheisse. (GRUNTS)

What's happening?

You still love her.

You still love her.

Exactly that's the point. A never-fucking-ending story.

It just hurts.

# REIJO TAIPALE: Satumaa

Wait.

We listened to that song.

We listened to that song.

Paradiso, of course. Why should I have missed you guys? I don't know.

Paradiso, of course. Why should I have missed you guys? I don't know.

Maybe the deep conversations with Svensson.

Yeah, or his light babble? (CHUCKLES)

Yeah, or his light babble? (CHUCKLES)

Everything. I've missed everything, seriously.

It was good there...with you.

It was good there...with you.

(SONG CONTINUES)

My mom wants me to move back here.

My mom wants me to move back here.

And will you? Move back?

(SIGHS SOFTLY) I don't know.

Maybe.

First, I have to find a job and make some money and work on my PhD.

First, I have to find a job and make some money and work on my PhD.

And then... Why?

There's nothing here.

There's nothing here.

There is everything you need. Why don't you come to New York?

Why should I come to New York?

Because it's the best city in the world.

(LAUGHS) Yeah. Because I'm there.

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

Y-yeah...

Yeah, you could stay with me.

I... (CHUCKLES)

I... (CHUCKLES)

What about me?

Can I also stay with you?

Can I also stay with you?

Yeah, we could... We all could be together again.

That would be nice.

That would be nice.

Ja.

SAMI!

SAMI!

SAMI!

SAMI!

SAMI!

Sami!

Sami!

SAMI!

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

# JS BACH: Sinfonia (Christmas Oratorio)

(DOOR OPENS) Hi!

Merry Christmas, Tuulita.

(DOG WHINES)

(CHATTERS SOFTLY IN FINNISH)

Aiti!

Aiti!

Is Kaisa not back yet?

What? No. Didn't she go hunting?

What? No. Didn't she go hunting?

Yes, she wanted to shoot polar rabbits for lunch.

(RINGING TONE)

(SPEAKS FINNISH)

(SPEAKS FINNISH)

We'll take these and look for her.

This is Kimmo, he knows her spots.

Come, sit behind me and hold tight.

Come, sit behind me and hold tight.

Let's go. It's getting dark.

I give a sign when I find her.

OK, we'll go left. OK.

Fuck it, Tuuli.

Aiti!

Aiti!

Kaisa!

Look!

Aiti.

Aiti.

Aiti!

(GRUNTS)

Aiti!

Tuuli.

Tuuli.

Tuuli.

Tuuli. Ssh, ssh, ssh.

(GRUNTS)

Tuuli. (GRUNTS) Ssh, ssh, ssh.

(GRUNTS FURIOUSLY)

(GRUNTS)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

(CRIES OUT HYSTERICALLY)

(CRIES OUT)

(GRUNTS FURIOUSLY)

(WHIMPERS)

(CHILDREN CHATTER)

(RELIEVED CHUCKLE)

(WIND WHISTLES)

# PELLE MILJOONA: Moottoritie On Kuuma

(PUNK ROCK CONTINUES)

(MUSIC FADES)

(WIND HOWLS)

They found him. He's fine.

Samuli is safe.

(SOFTLY) Oh, my God.

(DISTANT SIREN)

(DISTANT SIREN)

(SIREN WAILS)

Hey.

Hey.

WOMAN ON TV:

That isn't right.

What's wrong? (HALONEN CONTINUES)

I can't toast with beer. It's New Year's Eve.

We have to have samppanja.

You've got the keys? No.

Vivi has one, I think, but...

But there should be... (GLASS SHATTERS)

But there should be... (GLASS SHATTERS)

(DISTANT DOG BARKS)

(LOCK CLICKS) Yes.

Oh, fuck, it's already frozen! Yeah, you drink too slow for Finland.

Oh, fuck, it's already frozen! Yeah, you drink too slow for Finland.

(GLASSES CLINK)

(FIREWORK WHISTLES OVERHEAD)

(DISTANT WHOOPING)

Happy new year. Happy new year.

(FIREWORK POPS)

(FIREWORK POPS)

Well, happy new year, you two.

Well, happy new year, you two.

You know what? What?

You know what? What?

We are three.

We are three.

Yeah.

And you are coming too, you hear me?

Yes.

Yes.

Sure, I'm in.

He said yes. Yeah, fuck it, I'm in.

(LAUGHS)

Um, what does that mean?

(LAUGHS) Um...

Shitty City.

Shitty City.

Paska Kaupunki means Shitty City.

# ELAKELAISET: Humppa-Aatami

(SINGS ALONG)

(SINGS ALONG)

# Humppa!

# Humppa!

# Humppa!

# Humppa!

Hey. Kippis.

(SINGS ALONG)

# Humppa!

# Humppa!

# Humppa!

# Humppa!

(INSTRUMENTAL INTERLUDE)

ALL: # Humppa!

# Humppa!

Humppa!

(INSTRUMENTAL INTERLUDE)

(INSTRUMENTAL INTERLUDE)

(VOCALS CONTINUE)

(VOCALS CONTINUE)

(GROANS WEARILY)

(PUFFS AND PANTS)

(PUFFS AND PANTS)

(MOANS)

Hm?

OK.

# Kuu se kullalle kumotti, oijoonoo

# Kuu se kullalle kumotti, oijoonoo

# Hopialle paiva hohti, oijoonoo

# Kuu se kullalle kumotti, oijoonoo

# Kuu se kullalle kumotti, oijoonoo

# Hopialle paiva hohti, oijoonoo

# Puut kaikki punalle paistoi, oijoonoo

# Salot siintivat sinelle, oijoonoo

# Tahdet ylla kuiskutteli, oijoonoo

# Tahdet ylla kuiskutteli, oijoonoo

# Tuulen tahtiin tanssahteli, oijoonoo

# Nousi kuuta katsomahan, oijoonoo

# Nousi kuuta katsomahan, oijoonoo

# Aidan paalle istumahan, oijoonoo

# Neito nuori, tuulen tekema, oijoonoo

# Kaunis impi, ilman itkema, oijoonoo

# Kaunis impi, ilman itkema, oijoonoo

# Kuu se kullalle kumotti, -lalle kumotti

# Hopialle paiva hohti, ja paiva hohti

# Hopialle paiva hohti, ja paiva hohti

# Kuu se kullalle kumotti, -lalle kumotti

# Hopialle paiva hohti

# Laksi koista kulkomahan, oijoonoo

# Laksi koista kulkomahan, oijoonoo

# Tieta pitkin tarpomahan, oijoonoo

# Kulki Kuutar suojanansa, oijoonoo

# Kulki Kuutar suojanansa, oijoonoo

# Ilman impi onnenansa, oijoonoo #

Hm?

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