Original subtitles

Well, today is the big day.

Oh, a little nip and tuck?

-Finally getting in shape? -Getting even with your barber?

If you're trying to hurt my feelings, it's working.

A major viewing of the new principal.

Finally, gonna upgrade from substitute science teacher

to full-time.

Whoa, do we have a say in this?

Yeah. I think I speak for the entire school

when I say that two days of you a month is plenty.

Well, too bad, because I really want this,

since I can't be Kraniac anymore

and I can't use my superior intelligence

for its intended purpose.

Or failing students and rubbing it in their faces.

No. Inspiring the youth of tomorrow.

Wow, I didn't see that one coming.

By showing them how smart a human can be.

Don't you have enough toys

in your lair to keep your mind busy?

No. But I did just complete my latest project.

Check it out.

If anyone ever discovers our villain secret,

this is going to come in real handy.

This is memory erase gas.

I'd like to erase my memory when you have gas.

Yeah. That's the last time

I ever shape-shift into a couch cushion.

When inhaled, this will temporarily

erase every memory in a person's head,

which will give us a head start out of town

before anyone can report us.

I also created a dizzy gas, a sleeping gas, and a truth gas,

all part of the clever gas collection by Vic.

I'm sorry. Are you trying to protect us

or sell holiday gift sets at the mall?

Well, I'm gonna put these away and head out.

I wanna get to the teacher's lounge

before Ms. Billford snags the last bagel.

I swear that woman could sniff out

a pumpernickel from two towns over.

I wish I had his confidence at my new job.

I thought you liked working at The Round-Up taco truck.

I do. But the manager wants me

to work on my customer service.

I'm sorry but if you want your food fast,

I ain't going to order it for you.

Oh, and to make matters worse,

there's a mystery shopper showing up today.

What's a mystery shopper?

A picky customer who comes in and evaluates our service,

and reports back to management.

The mystery is you don't know who they are.

So basically a tattletale who gets paid?

Exactly.

I struck out at the job fair.

I lasted a day at the pizza place.

I cannot lose another job.

If I just make it through the second day,

I know it'll stick.

Well, Mom, guess what?

-Hmm? -I got a work study job

at The Round-Up, and I start today,

so I can help you with your customer service skills.

Jakey, well, that's great.

Oh, now, when I get mad

and throw guacamole at someone,

I will just blame it on you.

There you are.

We're gonna be late.

For what? We still have an hour before school starts.

You know how I've been trying to get tickets

for this weekend's sold-out Fuchsia concert?

What the heck is a Fuchsia?

You know that music I play to drown out

the sound of your voice? That's her.

Anyway, I heard they're doing a last-minute drop

of tickets down at the arena.

If we go down there fast, we might get some.

Now? But we'll be late for school.

Oh, but I do wanna see Fuchsia.

But if we're late, I'll get detention.

She never comes to Texas.

Oh, but if I get detention,

then it'll break my streak of never getting detention...

How about we just go do this

and make all the voices in your head happy.

We got the tickets.

We got the tickets.

Oh, I can't believe we beat out all those people in line.

Yeah. No, once I hip checked that first guy,

the rest just fell like dominoes.

I've never been so alive.

Wait. Where is everyone?

Oh, no. We're four minutes late.

This is what I get for losing myself

in a moment of joyous enthusiasm.

Hartley, I'm a pro at sneaking in.

Trust me, no one's gonna know we're late.

No one except me.

You're not the only pro at sneaking in late.

I do it all the time.

And it's a lot easier now that I can turn invisible,

since, you know, chosen one.

Wait. You go to the school?

Yeah. I'm a freshman.

I just missed a couple months

when I was stuck in my shape-shifting loop.

But I haven't seen you here since then.

Yeah, 'cause now I'm in a school skipping loop.

But that's on purpose. See you.

Busted!

Mr. Tennyson?

That's Principal Tennyson to you.

Wait. You're our new principal?

I was just promoted

from vice principal at East Valley View.

This is the culmination of a 20-year career

in school administration,

but, sure, act surprised.

And I run a tight ship. That's right.

There's a new sheriff in town.

That was a lot of metaphors.

And that's a lot of lip

from two girls who just got detention.

What? No.

I never get detention.

Can't you let it slide?

Let me be clear.

I know you all think of me as your fun-loving

and "down with the teens" neighbor.

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

But within these walls, make no mistake about it,

I am not your princi-pal.

Huh?

See what I did there?

If not, I'll break it down for you in detention.

Great.

I'm officially a perp.

Big deal. You got your first detention.

It's not like you actually have to go or anything.

-Of course, you have to go. -Really?

Oh, well, that explains why they've been giving me detention

for not going to detention.

Hey, you two should be in class,

unless you popped out to wish me luck on my interview,

which I don't need, because scientifically luck isn't real,

which you'd know if you were as smart as me.

Can't wait to meet the new principal.

He's gonna love me.

Well, if it isn't, Mr. Madden.

-Please tell me that isn't-- -Oh, it is.

Oh, you want me to refill your drink?

You haven't finished this one yet.

Fine. One refill coming up.

Hmm.

Mom, that's salsa.

I like to call this one the ghost pepper spritz.

Sorry.

She's not good with, uh... people.

I'll bring a new one.

What are you doing?

The mystery shopper could be here any minute.

You have to be in your best behavior.

Now, what's another way you could've handled that?

-Dump the salsa on his head? -No.

- Dumb the soda on his head? - No.

Dump the hot nacho cheese on his head?

You can't dump anything on anyone's head.

-I thought you wanted this job? -I do.

Then you need to control your villain instincts.

The trick is to pretend

that you like the customers even if you hate them.

Oh, so swallow my feelings here, take it out on my family later?

Something like that. Just make sure I'm not home.

Oh, thank you.

Here is your order, sir. Have a taco-tastic day.

You did it.

You told him to have a taco-tastic day

and I can tell you didn't mean it at all.

Oh, maybe I can do this.

Oh, look, a new customer just sat down.

See if you can keep it going.

Oh, uh-hmm, no problem.

-Welcome to The Round-Up. -About time.

Celia, hi. What brings you here?

-Do you sell tacos? -Yes.

Then, you solved the riddle.

Yay.

Uh, what can I get you?

I'll have the taco but can you crumble up the shell

and sprinkle it on top of some lettuce?

-So you want a taco salad? -Did I order a taco salad?

It certainly sounded like you did.

Are you saying I'm ordering wrong?

Because Celia is always right.

Isn't it the customer is always right?

Not today.

Hey. I'm sorry about getting us detention

this morning, but...

I think I found a way to make things right.

Colby, that's your cue.

Sorry.

I have so many powers now I forgot which one I was using.

You wouldn't get it. Chosen one problems.

I had Colby use his invisibility to duck out of last period

and go grab the gases my dad made.

Anything for my sister.

You are paying me in video games, right?

-Yes. -Anything for my sister.

This stuff temporarily wipes someone's memory.

One whiff and Tennyson

will forget he even gave you detention.

But if it's only temporary,

then he'll remember when it wears off.

Well, I can't think of everything, Hartley.

I just came up

with the perfect way to win over Principal Tennyson.

Hey, why are your hands behind your back?

Oh, I love this game. I choose that one.

-Who are you? -Oh, no.

All right, Mr. Madden. Time for your interview.

We could do it right here.

I just lavender bombed my office

to get rid of the old principal's BO.

It's like it clung to the walls.

-Mr. Madden. -You better find Mr. Madden.

This sounds important.

Uh, Mr. Madden, the interview. You're a science teacher.

Did you forget the formula for being on time?

How long will it take for that stuff to wear off?

I don't know. Dad, how long does it take?

-Who are you calling Dad? -It's gonna take a while.

Tick tock. These questions aren't gonna answer themselves.

It takes two to interview.

Colby, you have to shape-shift into Dad

and do the interview with Principal Tennyson.

I don't know how to be a teacher.

I barely know how to be a student.

Look, you're a lot smarter than Dad is right now.

Come on, Colby. Help me out.

Fine. But you owe me a new gaming console.

Whatever. Just do it.

What is taking so long?

Hartley, you gotta help me.

Why are you roping me into this?

Because getting this job means a lot to my dad

and I don't wanna be the reason he loses it.

Fine. I'll help.

Great. Throw him in the janitor's closet.

Why?

Um... because you're the janitor!

Wait. I'm a dad and a janitor? Where do I find the time?

All right, Mr. Madden.

That's me. Boom. Nailed it.

Okay.

Why do you think you'll be a good fulltime teacher?

A lot of reasons.

Oh, I have to say them?

No. We can play hangman and I'll guess them.

Cool. I'll go sharpen my pencil.

You're gonna need to sharpen more than a pencil.

I'm trying to be nice,

but see her keep sending her orders back?

She's as demanding as that baby

that used to beg me for bedtime snuggles.

Yeah. Colby was annoying.

I was talking about you.

Wait. If Celia's being picky, specific, and demanding,

she must be the mystery shopper.

Oh, you're right. What do I do?

It's just Celia. You can totally handle her.

She's practically family.

Okay. And she does have a key, eats our food,

and sometimes sleeps in our beds.

Oh, she's either family or Goldilocks.

So how does it all taste, Cels?

-Yeah. Third time's the charm. -It's actually the fifth time.

-Who's counting? -I am.

There's a bunch of four leaf clovers in the salsa.

Yeah, but that's cilantro.

You specifically requested the pico de gallo.

Well, I don't like it so why don't you pick it out-o?

Jakey, we might have to go on the run again,

but this time, it'll be worth it.

I know Celia is driving you crazy,

but if she gives you a good mystery shopper report,

you'll definitely keep your job.

Oh, I suppose you're right.

Why don't I take care of Celia

and show you how it's done, all right?

-Hey, Celia. -Not today, Taco Boy.

Okay. I locked your dad in the junior's closet.

-Did anyone see you? -Just the janitor.

But he's weirdly cool with it.

Yeah. He lets me hide in there in between classes.

He's very generous with the space.

So, Mr. Madden, where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Professional skateboarder...

who also teaches.

Did I get that one right?

You know, I never do this mid-interview,

but let's take a break.

You can come up

with better answers to my questions

and I can go use my temple ticklers

to get rid of the headache I got when you started speaking.

I don't know how much more of playing dad I can take.

Being that cocky really takes a lot out of you.

Get this. There was another janitor in the closet

and he said I wasn't a janitor, so I swiped his mop.

Who's the janitor now?

Okay. This isn't working.

Maybe there's an antidote on one of the vials.

Cool. What's that one do?

-Amy, stop. No more gas. -No!

-Truth gas? -Oh, no.

Amy, what have we done?

Well, I don't know about you but I can tell you what I've done.

I lost the TV remote and blamed it on Jakey,

Colby's lunch and I said a pigeon took it,

and I spent the entire night rifling through your house

while you were sleeping.

That felt good but why did I say that?

Great. The truth gas is making her confess everything,

which means she could blow your family secret.

Normally, I'd say the truth will set you free,

but this time, it might get you locked up.

Oh, Principal Tennyson is back.

Colby, get back to the interview.

I'll get your dad out of here.

Uh-oh. Gum. I better get that.

Amy, why don't you join us?

Maybe you can tell me why we should promote your father

'cause he sure can't.

Oh, I'll tell you whatever you need to know,

starting with that's not really my father.

Oh, I wasn't expecting daddy drama on my first day.

Did you just say this isn't your father?

What she meant is she sees Mr. Madden

as an educator first and a dad second.

Mr. Madden, I have to be honest.

Your resume says one thing but you say nothing.

I don't see how any student could learn anything from you.

Yeah. To be honest, I don't either.

Oh, Amy, such a joker.

Thanks. I get it from my dad, who he is not.

What is happening?

Oh.

Mr. Madden, you need to get out of here.

-Why? -I know this may be hard

to believe but you're an evil genius supervillain

and your son shape-shifted into you to save your job

because you made a gas that erases your memory.

Well, if I'm such a genius, why am I holding a mop?

Okay. You know what?

You are the janitor.

Oh, look. Runaway trash can.

And that is how you turn pocket lint into gold.

All right. I've heard enough.

You don't seem to be a qualified teacher at all.

Of course, he is.

There's gotta be something he can do to convince you.

Well, maybe Mr. Madden is more of a visual teacher.

Perhaps he could impress me with a demonstration.

You know, a little science experiment.

Uh, yeah. Let's fire up the bunion burner.

Do you mean Bunsen burner?

Uh, sure.

He is not sure.

Wow, Cels, did I get this one correct?

Looks like you've eaten half your food.

Well, I gotta eat something while I'm waiting for you

to get my order right.

Now, hurry up before I fill up on the wrong one.

That's it.

We are out of plates. I am out of patience.

Besides...

I know who you are.

I was-- I was young. I didn't know what I was doing.

All I did was hand him a trash bag.

-What? -What?

No. You-- you're the mystery shopper.

That's why you've been dissecting how I'm doing my job.

Mystery shopper?

Do I look like someone who keeps my opinion a mystery?

-Well, if you're not, who is? -How should I know?

I'm just a friendly woman who's still waiting on her churro.

You did not order a churro.

I didn't order a taco salad either but here we are.

That's it. I'm done.

I just-- I'm not cut out for this job.

This wasn't a table for two but go ahead.

I think it's pretty obvious that I can't do anything right.

Look, you're doing fine.

Most waiters quit after serving me.

Oh, actually, most waiters quit while serving me.

So if you've hung in this long, you got what it takes.

Thanks, Cels.

Hey, maybe I can make this work.

I mean, if I can handle you, I can handle anyone.

That's the spirit.

-Still waiting on that churro. -Oh.

Well, you're looking happier.

Celia and I had a heart to heart.

Or one empty chest cavity to another.

Hey, anyway,

turns out, she's not the mystery shopper.

The only mystery about her is what was in that trash bag.

Oh, well, guess what?

The manager told me a couple hours ago

that the real mystery shopper canceled.

What?

-Why didn't you tell me? -Because you...

you were doing so well with Celia.

I didn't wanna mess that up.

You're thinking of dumping salsa on my head,

-aren't you? -No.

-Soda? -No.

-Hot nacho cheese? -We have a winner.

Wow, that's a lot of stuff.

What kind of experiment are you doing?

It's a surprise.

I hate surprises, especially at the doctor's office.

Didn't know we were doing that today.

I have powers.

-Excuse me. -She said she has flowers.

No. I'm pretty sure she said powers.

Let me guess.

You're one of those wannabe witches.

I swear you teen girls watch one scary movie

and you all think you're possessed.

Principal Tennyson, any chance

we could do the experiment tomorrow?

No way.

I was promised an experiment

and if Mr. Madden wants this job, he better hurry up.

Don't worry. I'm on it.

-I fight superheroes. -What?

Sure you do, honey.

I'm gonna go get the school counselor.

Oh, no. You don't have to do that.

Uh-oh.

I should have known this would happen.

Mr. Madden, I take my job very seriously.

Not only are you not fit to be a full-time teacher,

you're not fit to be a sub.

Wait. That's a Fuchsia ringtone.

-You like her? -Of course.

Who doesn't?

You know, I tried to get tickets to her concert this week

but they were completely sold out and-- wait.

You're trying to distract me from the matter at hand.

This man is a fraud.

Mr. Madden, I'm sorry but we won't be needing

-your services anymore. -Wait.

This job means a lot to my dad and I don't want him to lose it

because of me. I care about him.

That's why-- and I love my dad. Why can I stop talking?

Listen. Um, I'll give you two tickets

to the Fuchsia concert if you could help us out.

-Uh, one ticket. -Do you wanna go with him?

Two tickets.

Right. Like you'd be able to get...

It's like looking at two glittery bars of gold.

They're yours if you'll help us out.

I can't accept bribes.

But if I don't do anything for you,

then technically it's a gift.

So thank you. I got the tickets.

I got the tickets.

-Mr. Madden. -Mr. Madden?

I don't know what happened?

I was just chasing after a trash can and then I realized...

I'm a grown man chasing a trash can.

What the heck happened to you?

You know what happened? You were just...

Wait. What?

Invisible super speed? Way to go, Colby.

That's impossible. What happened to the mess?

My little brother cleaned it up.

Stop talking.

I know what I saw. I mean, look at me.

If there wasn't a mess then why am I covered in...

There's your science experiment, Principal Tennyson.

To make you believe one thing was happening

while something completely different

was happening at the same time.

Well, technically, that's magic.

But I'll accept it.

Well done. The full-time job is yours.

-But I haven't done anything. -Stop talking.

So how does it feel

to be a full-time science teacher, Mr. Madden?

Uh, great.

Plus, now we all get to eat lunch together every day.

You do know that teachers have their own lounge, right?

Yeah. But it's a lot harder to embarrass you from there.

All part of the clever payback collection by Vic.

Tell me again why we helped him get this job.

Because we messed up.

But I gotta say, detention wasn't half bad.

They made us pick up trash.

What'd you volunteer to do anyways?

You ever think maybe you should be the janitor?

Hopefully, this would just teach you

to accept the consequences

instead of trying to get out of it with your villain schemes.

I guess. At least that way,

we could have actually gone to the concert.

Hmm. I'm sure we didn't miss much.

Girls! Fuchsia was fire!

She sang all the hits, had like 20 costume changes,

and at the end of the show,

she brought one lucky fan on stage.

Spoiler alert, it was me.

Wow. Well, at least, now we know our principal can do the worm.

Uh-hmm.