Original subtitles

This show never disappoints!

Oh, whoo! It's the funniest thing on TV!

And that does it for our 6:00 news.

Amy, you're not gonna believe this!

Were you laughing at other people's misfortune on the news again?

Not me!

Okay, maybe a little.

Some lady got trapped in an elevator for five days

and it was not pretty.

If they didn't want you to laugh, they wouldn't put it on TV.

You know, every time I think

I'm making progress with you people?

Something like this happens.

Anyways, Amy, the The Round-Up is holding

their annual Battle of the Bands on Saturday.

We have to enter!

Wait, so we get to sing and battle people?

I'm in!

It's not a real battle. It's a contest where bands

perform original songs and face-off against each other.

I'm confused. Can I throttle someone or not?

No! But if we win,

it'll boost our cred as a new singing duo

and we'll be insanely popular!

Oh, we are popular.

The other day we were singing at the food court

and someone tipped us with curly fries.

That wasn't a tip, they threw them at us

and said "Stop singing, I'm trying to eat!"

Best two-ninety-nine I ever spent.

The only thing is, to perform at the contest,

we'd have to write an original song.

- Which we've never done before. - Big deal.

I used to write songs with my villain band all the time.

Well, until they met their demise in a fiery inferno.

Which is ironic because we were gonna name

the band Fiery Inferno.

Oh, hey, Celia!

Come on in.

I know I'm supposed to knock, but I'm too excited.

Plus, I really don't care.

Robert just told me he booked us a romantic weekend

at Lady Bird Lake.

That sounds far away. I like it.

We're gonna watch the sunrise,

play shuffleboard

and cruise the lake on a kayak built for two.

You know why they build 'em for two, don't ya?

If I say yes, will it stop you from telling me?

Anyway, since I'm gonna be gone for a few days,

this is the list of things I need you to do while I'm away.

Wait, so you're going on vacation

but you want us to do your chores?

I was wrong about you. You are smart.

It really doesn't seem fair to make us work

while you're off having fun.

I could just raise your rent instead.

Then again, work does build character.

Amy! I just came up with the perfect verse

for our Battle of the Bands song!

Check it out!

"The leaves are growing.

The sun is shining.

I feel so alive.

The stars are aligning"

Wow, that's like the perfect set up

for the chorus I just wrote.

"Stop with the lies! Stop with the lies!

Everything dies!

Everything dies!"

I am not letting our first big performance be a song about death.

Well, then I'm not singing about the stars aligning!

What's your big finale? Butterflies flying out of our armpits?

If you're open to it.

Look, the contest is tomorrow night.

If we can't write an original song that represents the both of us,

we're gonna have to back out of the competition.

Wait, no, I got it!

What if we perform "Loud Like Me?"

It's a song I used to sing with my villain band

but it's the least-villainy one I ever wrote.

It goes like this...

♪ I'm not the hero type ♪

♪ I do just what I like ♪

♪ I make the city all mine ♪

♪ All mine ♪

♪ It's pathological ♪

♪ The way I rock and roll ♪

♪ I'm here To have a good time ♪

♪ Good time ♪

♪ Oh, no! ♪

♪ On another level Turn up like a rebel ♪

♪ Oh, no! ♪

♪ When I make a sound bite ♪

♪ You wish You were loud like me! ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

Amy, that song is amazing!

But I still think our first original song as a duo

should represent both of our personalities.

Hey, Hartley.

Hello, Lamey.

Really, Gem?

Your name literally means generic diamond.

I heard you're competing in the Battle of the Bands.

So are we.

We call ourselves "Gem and the Other Girls."

You know, that way when they annoy me

and I have to replace them, the name will still stick.

Oh, I know they can hear me, I don't care.

What's your point, Gem?

My point is that you two should drop out now

and spare yourselves the embarrassment of losing to me.

Oh, and them.

But mostly me.

So, villain song?

Villain song!

Okay, Colby, I think we can check

some of the stuff of Celia's "To Do" list.

Clean gutters, check.

Plant lemon tree, check.

Bury mysterious box under lemon tree, check.

I shook it, pretty sure it's bones.

That was exhausting!

Why does Celia want her lawn trimmed with scissors?

I added that one to see if you were gullible enough to do it.

You never disappoint, Jake!

Okay. Only 22 chores to go.

Next up, tint the windows on her "she shed!"

What's this?

I've got three recliners for this address.

I'm sorry, we didn't order any recliners.

Oh, they must be for our landlady Celia.

And we will be happy to accept them on her behalf!

Dad, what are you doing?

Just keeping Celia's new chairs safe.

Inside our house. Under our tushies.

Under our tushies? Who says that?

Seriously? That's your biggest bump with this whole thing?

Look, if Celia can go on vacation

and stick us with her chores, the least she can do

is let us enjoy these sweet recliners for a few days.

And you're gonna take the heat for this

when Celia comes home and finds out?

No. I'll be hiding in her she shed.

♪ Oh, no! ♪

♪ When I make the sound bite ♪

♪ You wish You were loud like me! ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Hartley, if we're gonna perform a bass-pounding villain anthem,

you can't sing it like a bobblehead doll.

Sorry.

I've just never sung anything with this rage-filled kind of energy.

It's easy. You just have to tap into your inner villain.

Oh, you know, like when you take money out from your grandma's purse.

I would never!

Oh, well, I used to take money from my grandma's purse

so pretend you're me and go crazy.

I'm just gonna go get us a snack.

Okay, channeling my inner villain.

♪ Oh, no! ♪

♪ On another level Turn up like a rebel ♪

♪ Oh, no! ♪

♪ When I make the sound bite ♪

♪ You wish You were loud like me! ♪

Hartley?

Mrs. Madden!

Oh, look at you standing on the furniture,

there's hope for you yet.

When did I hear that song before?

Oh, I used to perform it with my villain band when I was Havoc.

Right! Yes. It's about the only song

your band played that didn't make my ears bleed.

Well, that stings. All of my songs

were supposed to make your ears bleed.

We're performing it at the Round-Up

for the "Battle of the Bands!"

Oh, no, you're not.

Singing that song in public is way too risky.

Why? No one's even heard it.

We only performed it at some villain music festivals.

Villains have music festivals?

Of course. Who do you think invented mosh pits?

My point is, no one here knows it's a villain song.

I'm not concerned about people here knowing.

If someone films you and posts it online, any villain can see it

and connect the dots between Havoc and Amy.

And we will all get caught!

Well, what are we supposed to do?

The contest is tonight and we don't have another song to sing.

Which means we won't be able to compete!

Sorry, girls, but this family's safety

is more important than winning a contest.

I'm putting my foot down. You cannot sing that song.

Wow. Being a good parent feels like being a tyrant.

I like it.

I can't believe we have to back out of the contest.

I've never backed out of anything!

Backed into things, yes.

Backed over things definitely,

but I've never backed out of anything.

Hi, I'm Hartley and this is Amy.

We were supposed to perform in the contest tonight but...

They know my group is gonna win so they're backing out.

Good call, girls.

Now we can just skip to the part where you lose.

We are not afraid of you beating us.

Aw, it's so cute when she gets mad.

Are neck veins supposed to do that?

Amy, do not let her get to you.

- If she gets to you, she wins. - Oh, I don't know.

I'm pretty sure if I shove that microphone stand

down her throat, it's a win for all of us.

Everyone! Let's give it up for Amy and Hartley!

I know they say it's bad to be a quitter

but it's a good thing when a person can truly admit they're weak.

Oh, yeah, there goes your little neck vein.

Why are you so upset?

I mean, that is why you're here, right?

- To quit? - Never!

We're here to drop off our sheet music and lyrics

to the house band.

Amy, what are you doing?

Just follow my lead.

Here you go!

Hope you brought a lifeboat

'cause our song is gonna blow you out of the water!

Why would I need a lifeboat if I'm out of the water?

I'll get back to you on that!

Amy! You know your mom doesn't want you singing that song!

Correction, my mom doesn't want any villains

to see footage of us singing that song.

What she's forgetting is that my sonic powers

can emit an electromagnetic pulse.

Normal people words, please!

I can use the EMP to shut down everyone's phones.

So we can still perform and they won't be able to film us.

So your family will be totally safe! That's brilliant!

Oh, I'm glad you think so.

Because my backed up plan was gonna be forcing you to sing the death song.

All my anger at the world is melting away.

Were we only villains because we didn't have massage chairs?

I better turn this thing off before I start having faith in humanity.

Whoo! You were right, Dad.

It's a lot easier to put up with Celia's chores

when we can relax in these chairs.

Yeah, I just wish we kept them in the living room so we could watch TV.

Because, you know, down here we're just three dudes staring at a wall.

Hey, that wall is gorgeous.

And I'm not just saying that because I designed it.

Okay, I am.

This may seem crazy,

but the three of us could just talk.

Then again, I mean, Dad did design a really nice wall.

Oh, like your conversation's so sparkling.

"I'm the Chosen One! I did a kick flip today!"

Okay, that does not sound like me

and it was a 360 hard flip! Seriously.

It's like you just swipe right past my stories.

Hey! I know how we can enjoy the chairs and have fun!

Bring the chairs to life, befriend them and have chair friends?

Guess again!

A bumper chair battle!

Bumper chair battle?

That's right!

I motorized the chairs and made customized joysticks to control them!

That's a lot of work to avoid talking to me.

Worst part is you're still talking.

But now we can smash into each other!

Why would we do that?

Because pain is funny, but hurting family is funnier!

You're right, Dad! Hurting family is funnier!

You can't do that to the Chosen One!

I think the Chosen One needs to be knocked off his throne.

I'll join that palace coup!

Hmm... Maybe I should add some seat belts.

Nah!

Oh, it's on!

Amy, are you sure performing your villain song

- is a good idea? - Yes.

That song is gonna win us this competition

and we're going to put Gem in her place.

Which I hope is an upside down port-a-potty.

♪ It's pathological ♪

♪ The way I rock and roll ♪

♪ I'm here to have a good time Good time ♪

What the...

♪ Oh, no! ♪

♪ On another level ♪

♪ Turn up like a rebel ♪

♪ Oh, no! ♪

♪ When I make the sound bite ♪

♪ You wish You were loud like me... ♪

I can't believe it.

She stole our song!

Thank you, Valley View!

Oh, no. I love you!

All right. Wrapped it up, Jennifer Nopez!

What do you think you're doing?

You stole our song!

And I'm pretty sure stealing another group's song

can get you disqualified.

You can't prove that I stole anything.

But what is against the rules is you singing the same song as me.

So unless you have another one,

looks like you're out of the com pet-ish.

Competi-tion.

Yeah, I made it "ish" 'cause it sounds more hip.

But that's not even a word.

I mean what is "ish"... why am I going down this road with you?

You should be flattered I sang your song.

You wouldn't want it to be ruined by the two of you singing it.

- Amy! - Mom!

What are you doing here?

Well, I thought you might ignore

what I said and try to sing your song anyway.

So I came here to stop you.

Well, it doesn't matter because Gem already stole our song

and performed it before we could.

Aha! So you were gonna sing it!

Of course I was.

But I had a plan so no one would be able to film it.

Electro-magnetic pulse?

Smart.

Despite what your father says, you get that from me.

Wait. If you were so worried that Amy singing the song

could lead the villains to Valley View,

shouldn't we be worried that they'll post videos

- of Gem singing it too? - Nope.

My sonic EMP doesn't just stop phones from filming,

it destroys them.

Nice.

Wait, did you just destroy my phone?

Well, you always say friendship is about sacrifices.

You couldn't pick a cheaper one?

Sorry, Mom. I never should have gone against you.

I didn't want to lose to Gem, but...

- I guess we lost anyway. - Hey, whoa...

Hey, I didn't want you to sing a villain song but I'm not letting you quit!

You're performing on that stage.

How? We couldn't write a song

we agreed on in a week. There's no way we can write one

by the time we're supposed to perform.

I'm sure you can.

I mean, just write about what you know.

And I think you both know

you shouldn't let the haters get you down.

- You're right. - Yeah!

Who cares what Gem thinks?

Well, there you go.

I'm sure you got something to say about that.

Thanks, Mom!

Hey. Aw...

I'm really getting this ordinary mom thing down.

Stop ganging up on me! It's two against one!

Correction, it's two against the Chosen One.

Aw, look at him drive off in his little scaredy-chair.

That'll teach him not to flaunt all his powers in our face.

You see the glimmer fading from his eyes?

His spirit is broken.

Man, I love being a parent.

Oh, ho, ho.

We scared him so bad he abandoned his chair!

Correction, I am the chair!

Wait.

If Colby shape shift into a chair,

then that means the chair has...

Super-speed!

That's right! I can shape-shift

and super-speed at the same time!

Never underestimate the Chosen One.

Yup. Definitely should've gone with those seat belts.

Okay, folks, that does it for our Battle of the Bands!

And according to our judges, we have a unanimous winner!

Uh-uh! What are you getting ready for?

You had your stage time.

The winning part is all me.

Looks like I spoke too soon.

Apparently, we have one more performance!

- That's my girl! - What? No!

You can't can't let them sing!

Please welcome to the stage...

Happiness!

Of Death?

This one's for all the haters.

Especially the one in the pink dress at table three.

You can try to bring us down, but guess what?

We don't care.

♪ We don't care! ♪

♪ We don't care! ♪

♪ No more stopping Only green lights ♪

♪ No more Mr. Shy guy ♪

♪ Won't spend any time Trying to be who they like ♪

♪ If they try to turn it down ♪

♪ We'll just turn it Way up loud ♪

♪ Never let the critics Phase us ♪

♪ Leave the hate in the dust Being real is a must ♪

♪ Won't keep it hush hush ♪

♪ If they try to turn it down ♪

♪ We'll just turn it Way up loud ♪

♪ What's the difference If you're different? ♪

♪ Just go with it And make 'em listen ♪

♪ We don't care They can't stop us now ♪

♪ No more hiding Back in the crowd ♪

♪ So let 'em say, hey! What they'll say, hey! ♪

♪ We don't, we don't We don't care ♪

♪ We don't care If we don't fit in ♪

♪ We won't let 'em Under our skin ♪

♪ So let 'em say, hey! What they'll say, hey ♪

♪ We don't, we don't We don't care! ♪

♪ We don't care About the talk talk ♪

♪ It don't get to us, nah ♪

♪ We do what we want ♪

♪ We're just having fun, yeah ♪

♪ If they try to turn it down ♪

♪ We'll just turn it Way up loud ♪

♪ What's the difference... ♪

Time to finish this off with a bang!

♪ We don't care They can't stop us now ♪

♪ No more hiding Back in the crowd ♪

♪ So let 'em say, hey! What they'll say, hey! ♪

♪ We don't, we don't We don't care ♪

♪ Oooh, na, na, na ♪

♪ We don't care We don't care, nah ♪

♪ Oooh, na, na, na ♪

♪ We don't care We don't care, nah ♪

♪ What's the difference If you're different ♪

♪ Just go with it And make 'em listen ♪

♪ What's the difference If you're different ♪

♪ We don't care! ♪

How did they get sparks?

I didn't get sparks!

Ugh! This is not over!

We're leaving!

The judges have voted and once again it's unanimous!

The winner of this year's

Battle of the Bands is Happiness!

Of Death!

Hey, Dad, can I get one of those ice packs?

Get your own, strong man!

Colby, how are you not in pain?

Is that another Chosen One power?

Yeah, it's called being young.

Do you know how long I've been waiting here?

- Five seconds? - Sounds right.

Thanks for signing for my chairs.

Hartley was busy singing.

Guess that was more important than Grandma's Tush Master 2000.

Is one of these for Hartley?

No, they're for Tawny and Tessie.

The girls come over for a gab sesh three nights a week.

If we're gonna dish dirt, our tushies might as well be cushy.

I think I've reached my threshold for hearing the word "tushy."

Ooh, I can feel it huggin' my hips!

What's this thing do?

Celia, no!

Forget to remove the motors?

You know how this goes. I'm the chef, you clear the table.

You okay, Celia?

No! I'm not okay.

I'm amazing!

Ooh! I didn't know those chairs could do that!

Hurry up and move 'em over to my place

so I can T-bone Tawny and Tessie!