Original subtitles

We never really, um... did much for Christmas.

We're suckers for it.

This is incredible. I've... I've never seen so many lights.

It all came from your design.

Don't we pay you enough?

You pay me well. I'm just... I'm just being careful.

You did not choose to have a dickhead for a father,

one who chose to ignore the fact that we had a child.

Keep the change.

I thought about this.

You've still got the pig.

Is this what you want?

Tommy.

No, just grab it. Tommy!

Argh! Yeah, alright!

It's a stupid, lousy pig.

I'm Bernie!

Why don't you stay for a movie?

Sometimes things aren't as hard as you think.

I don't need you. Awesome.

So, it's settled then.

I'm so sorry.

Thanks, everyone, for coming.

I know it's early, but there will be oranges later.

Welcome to this year's Sledge.

Let's give it up for the new recruits!

And for the newbies - "What is Sledge Match?" you might ask.

Well, technically yes, it is a touch footy game,

but the real play

is in the way that you cut down your mates with your words, yeah?

Really sticking it to them!

And if there are tears, oh, that's a good thing.

Now the rules are

nothing is off-limits.

No bar too low. Go dark. Go dirty.

Show no mercy.

Show no mercy!

Failure to return a sledge gets you sent off for two minutes.

If you lose your shit, you get sent off for five minutes.

And total full-body sobs gets you sent off for ten minutes.

Alright, OK, let's give it a crack.

Sophie, you're up.

Just think of something mean and say it to, uh...

..say it to Ed.

So, go on, just whatever comes to your head.

Ed...

..your shorts look like they belong to my little brother.

No, no, no, no.

You can go a bit harder.

Maybe something along the lines of,

"Hey, Ed!

"Your head's so far up your arse you could have a second breakfast!"

Wow.

Graphic. But not wrong.

You smell like bin juice!

Sorry, I don't speak dickhead!

Right.

Keep rolling your eyes, Ed. Might find your brain somewhere.

Father.

Your face would made an onion cry.

Good one!

What was that, Ed?

Crap on about yourself a little bit more.

You dress like my Grandma!

You're so soft you make a marshmallow look hard!

Hey, Ed, you're PMS personified!

You're like a nappy! You're absorbed and full of shit!

Hey, Ed, who left the bag of self-centred idiots open?

Ooh!

No, this is just getting creepy.

Is that the vibe you're going for?

Reckon I might've already nailed that one.

I reckon you might've.

Aud, I'm so sorry, I... I don't want to talk about it.

But... No.

What's there to say, Ed?

Wait, wait. Hey, wait, wait, wait. Hey, wait, wait, wait.

Hey, we can't NOT talk about this.

Or what? You're gonna hate-kiss me again?

It wasn't a hate-kiss.

Jesus! OK, what was it then?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I am messing up all over the place at the moment, OK?

I keep trying to do what I think is right,

and things just keep, like...

Nothing is going the way that I thought

and... and it's confusing and it's frustrating,

and I kinda took it out on you because...

..I don't know, you always end up hurting the ones that you...

Aud, I am really, truly sorry.

And I wish... I wish I could just go back

and I could just make things different.

It was a dick move.

Uh-huh.

Totally entitled.

I never imagined you'd kiss like that.

You've imagined how I'd kiss?

Ed!

You're missing the massive point.

You know, you can't just go around assuming

that you know what people want

or what they need or how things are meant to be.

It's not how it works.

Oh. You again.

What are you up to now?

Hey. Sorry. Um... I didn't want to disturb you.

I just...

I... I've realised I sort of just waded on in

and I didn't even ask you or your family what you needed.

I mean, you already had all these lights and everything and I just...

..I came in with my assumptions about how I could help you and...

I am sorry.

Yeah, it was a bit up yourself.

Yeah. Um... Entitled, in fact.

But you seemed so lost and lonely

we felt sorry for you.

You felt sorry for ME? Yeah.

Oh.

Felt good to help someone.

Reminded us how lucky we are as a family,

how much we've got,

even if we don't have that much, you know?

Yeah, right.

OK, cool.

So, why don't you stop mucking about

and leave those bloody lights alone, yeah?

Yeah.

So, now I get a tick.

Yeah, me and Suzanne used to come here all the time.

Sneak out and watch the sunset.

It was always all lit up and... golden and...

..just beautiful, man, you know.

This was our special place.

If this is about a redo, ain't gonna happen.

What? No.

No, I just...

I just like coming here.

To remember.

That's a bit sad. Suzanne was ages ago.

You're not still stuck on her, are you?

No.

Yeah.

I don't know.

You heard from her?

No.

I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want to see me anyway.

Whatcha looking at, you perv?

Can we?! Please?! I wanna tell him what I want.

Well, that's the Christmas spirit.

Please?!

Uh... OK. Come on.

Come on, let's go bug Santa then.

Hello, Santa! Have you been good this year?

Big smile!

Alright, Merry Christmas!

Bye, darl'! Bye-bye!

Next. You go first.

You. You're older.

Ho, ho, ho! I don't wanna.

Why don't I go first? Hm?

Next.

Just take a seat.

Hey, Santa.

Go on, Aud! Tell him what you want!

All I want for Christmas

is a dad who isn't an arsehole.

A dad who acknowledges me.

What are the chances of that being in my stocking, hm?

Smile for the camera.

Merry Christmas.

Come on.

What?! Come on. Go, go, go.

But it was my turn next.

But I didn't get to tell him about the ninja sword...

He's not real, OK?! That Santa's a big fake!

Santa isn't real?! There's no such thing as Santa?

No.

No, I said THAT Santa's bullshit.

Not all Santas are bullshit. That's...

How can there be more than one Santa?

Does that mean Santa won't come to our house?

What the hell happened?

Ohh.

Telling the kids that Santa isn't real on Christmas Eve?

It was him. What do you mean?

Him.

Your father?

What is that dickhead doing in a Santa suit?

Charity.

Good for business.

What an arse.

I'm so sorry, hon'.

You OK? Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Fuck, I can't believe I just single-handedly killed Christmas.

Ah, you know what? They're still pretty gullible.

You reckon I can sucker them back in?

I think you can.

Come on.

Mission Save Christmas.

♪ This Christmas

♪ I'll dream of a private yacht

♪ Sail anywhere if it's hot

♪ But I've got the dream that's making me beam

♪ It's you, me and mistletoe... ♪

They're sitting at the table!

Ah.

Ed! It's a Christmas miracle!

So, you're a miracle now?

Uh... No, it was a joke.

Relax, I'm just shit-stirring.

Here, have a cabanossi.

Wow. There.

Ooh.

Uh... What are these? Aren't they stunning?

Hal gave them to me.

We exchanged gifts this morning.

Have you met Hal?

Oh, yeah, you could say that.

Merry Christmas, Hal.

Good you could make it, Ed.

Cheers.

Cheers. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Oh, sorry. What is this?

Mead.

It's my own recipe. Is it alright?

Oh, yeah, it's great. Yeah, it's very, um...

..yeasty.

Can we...

Let's do presents. Yes, yes, let's.

Yeah.

No, I love it, I love it. Thank you so much. Thanks, Mum.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Mum. To you.

OK.

Oh, look at this.

Wow.

Is...

Oh.

"Sometimes less is more."

Is that... For the planet.

It's for the planet. Yeah. Ohh!

I... I had it engraved.

"Carpe diem." Yep.

It means 'seize the day'!

Right, I see that.

God, you two are hopeless.

Wh... Well, you can talk.

Remember the year you gave me Velcro?

Yeah, you said it was a lifesaver.

On shoes! On kids' shoes!

You were hopeless with knots. Alright. Ungrateful.

Oh, thanks, Ed. Do I wear it like this?

That's actually a toilet-seat warmer.

Um...

Oh, this is, uh...

That's for you.

Ooh!

Ooh.

You've outdone yourself.

Hello! Oh, look out.

What is it? Ooh.

Must be worth something.

Alright. Just keep... keep going.

OK. Pass the parcel.

Ooh! Alright.

OK, OK.

Alright.

This is very funny, Ed.

It's an anticipation.

It's not really your gift to give, is it, mate?

Oh, you couldn't leave it alone, could you? Not even for one day.

Not even for Christmas Day. What... Are you serious...

No. Oh!

Is that why you came? To stir things up and point-score?

Are you... No, I am trying to...

I... Oh, Jesus! I can't win!

It's not about winning!

Oh, great, yeah, no, that's right because I'm the loser.

Ed, Ed, thank you, I appreciate it. Nah, forget it.

It's... Jesus.

Here, wash down the mead.

Let's just... leave it, eh?

It's Christmas.

Actually, nah.

It's OK.

I just have to be grown-up about it.

You know, accept the fact that Mum loves you more

and she always has

and no matter what I do it'll never be enough.

Mate, that is the biggest load of bullshit.

When you chose to live with Dad, you broke her heart.

She was a total mess.

And who could blame her?

Her 12-year-old son decided to live with his alcoholic dad over her.

She had no-one.

You don't remember what it was like living with Dad.

It was hard.

And... lonely.

She needed me.

If anyone was anyone's favourite, it was you.

You were Dad's golden boy.

He got himself together to look after you.

Took you to school and made your lunches, took in all your mates.

He loved YOU enough to do that.

Couldn't do that for ME.

Or Mum.

Uh...

Thanks for the pig, mate.

OK, OK, OK, everyone grab your presents. Go, go, go, go.

That's your one. Thanks, Uncle Marv.

You're welcome, bro.

Choice.

Off you go.

OK, this one's for you.

Chooh!

When are you gonna settle down, bruh, hm?

Still waiting on my grandkids.

Haven't you got enough?

You never bring anyone to Christmas. Why is that?

I've got a mate with a daughter around the same age.

Works in pathology.

Imagine dealing with all those samples.

I'll ask if she's single.

Hey, Mum? Mm?

I've got a present for you.

Oh!

Mm!

Thanks, son. I love you, Mum.

And this one's for you, Dad. Oi!

OK, careful, it's heavy.

Ohh!

Oh, my goodness.

Marvin!

What have you done?

This is real. Yeah, yeah, it's real.

What the hell is this? It's a dehydrator.

You can make your jerky and all your apricot leather and stuff in there.

You usually buy me soap. You shouldn't spend all your money.

Dad... I did a nice thing, man.

Is something wrong?

Usually when someone gets a gift, they just say thank you.

Or do you want me to take them back? No, no.

No. No. Of course not.

Hey, stop being so dramatic.

I'm not being dramatic, Mum.

Uncle Marv, this is a hoverboard?!

Mum, here you go. Chicken's here. OK, cool thanks, Elise.

Yep. Go down.

OK, everyone, food's up! Let's go!

Alright.

Uh... Son, you're down there.

You know how much the kids love you.

Uncle Marv!

Cheers, cheers, cheers, everyone.

Merry Christmas! Everyone, merry Christmas!

♪ Happy birthday, dear Jesus

♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪

Hip-hip!

Uncle Marv!

Hooray!

Hip-hip! Hooray!

Yay!

Hey, I'm gonna put Nan on speaker now, eh,

so we can do a Christmas cheers.

Mum, you there?

Mum?

You've just gotta turn the volume up.

I did.

Mum?!

Merry Christmas, bub.

Uh... Yeah, Merry Christmas! Good on you, boy!

Cheers! Cheers, Nan!

We're drinking now?

Yeah. Seems like it.

Thought I'd have a drink on Christmas.

Like you.

Like everyone else.

OK, yeah. Yeah, fair enough.

One glass can't hurt, even a big one.

OK, so, what should we drink to?

Don't want to forget HIM.

I know you hate pudding.

I remember.

But...

..that's just what you do on Christmas.

I never hated pudding.

The lumpy bits taste OK if you add lots of custard.

Come on.

Milla?

In the kitchen!

I was wondering if you'd come back.

Milla, I am so sorry for everything.

Well, you're here now.

That's all that matters.

Yeah, it really is.

Well, um... Merry Christmas.

For me? Mm.

Oh!

Oh!

Thank you, Jimmy.

Hm!

Wuthering Heights is on tomorrow, and I thought we could go.

Ooh.

Hey, what are you doing right now?

Come and celebrate with me and my friends.

Oh, you don't want me hanging about with your friends...

I do. I really do.

Cheers!

Merry Christmas!

Oh, you've got too many cards to knock.

See, you can only knock after your second run, when you're nearly done.

Oh! Yeah.

Silly me. You DID say.

Yeah. No, you're good.

Uh... OK, so, you can only put down two cards at a time, remember?

Here, do you want me to have a look?

Uh... No, Jimmy. I can do it.

Oh, she can't pick that card up.

Give her a minute.

Oh, seriously?!

Last time I tried to take back a card, you threw a peanut at me.

Yeah, well, that's because you should know better.

Have another one.

You just look at your hand in terms of runs, yeah?

And when you have something that's not useful,

you chuck it either here or there.

I can tell you're the one who holds everyone together,

the one they all feel safe with.

Friends like you are a precious thing.

Maybe we should, um... play something else.

Oh, yes!

Charades is my favourite.

Charades. Great.

Choice. Alright!

Cool!

Sound of Music, right?! The Sound of Music?

Yay! Well done!

OK, here we go. Ooh!

Come on!

Chicken Run. Wild Geese.

Close To You by The Carpenters. Red Rooster.

Oh, oh, oh.

White Wing Dove! Yes!

Yes!

No, that's not the name of the song!

Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink.

Oh, how unfortunate for me.

Go, Milla. go, Milla.

What? Since when do you do shots?

Since I decided to.

I actually quite like it.

Interesting.

Here we go, Marvin! One word.

One word. A movie. Oh, it's A film.

It's a film. Uh...

Statue. Wait, I've got another one.

No, no, you can't change your mind. Rules are rules.

No, no. My turn! OK, my turn.

Book? Book.

One word. One word.

Um... Ooh.

Uh... Cradle, cradle.

Uh... The Bible!

Baby. Moses!

Uh... Branch. Tree Of Life!

Sophie's Choice!

Concerned. Uh...

Ooh. Uh...

Whoa!

Beloved!

Beloved? Three shots.

Wait, wait, wait, what's Beloved?

One of the best books ever written, Marv.

You two are cheating. Ritchie's a natural.

The way you move.

The way you... you tell the story through your body.

It's beautiful.

You'll be in Hollywood before we know it.

Oh, uh... Three syllables.

The... The... Oh!

The Jockey? Shitting? Ooh, sorry.

No.

Written On The Wind. Peter Pan!

Mosquito!

Rocky? It's Jumanji.

It's Jumanji! What?!

It's Jumanji!

How is that Jumanji? Oh! You just said your title!

No, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, you said the title.

No, hang on. I'm not gonna do it. That's it, Marv.

Hell no. Nah, I'm not doing that. Nah. Nah.

Marv, Marv, come on.

We said it at the start. Come on.

Come on.

He's ready for you.

Oh, no, sorry, Doorman.

I hope this is OK with you, mate, because it's not with me.

Oh!

Oh, snap.

Agh!

Stop it! Stop it!

Ta-da!

Shh! What is this?

Did you steal it from your mum's?

I didn't steal it.

Oh, yeah. Did you win at the bowlo?

I bought this, OK?

Yeah, I bought it as a gift for my ungrateful friends.

How about that? Wow.

But you hate shouting. Are you OK?

Are you dying?

I'm not dying.

Look, I did a nice thing, OK?

Can't anyone give a gift nowadays without getting a big interrogation?

Jesus.

How about you just eat the prawns and have a merry bloody Christmas.

Yeah, same to you.

Cheers, mate.

Cheers.

This is the best bit of Christmas,

just this.

And, Dad, wherever YOU are...

Merry Christmas, Dad.

Merry Christmas, Gregor. Cheers, Gregor.

Oh!

I love Christmas.

Of all the Santas in all the malls, what are the chances?

Oh! I still can't believe you sat on his knee.

First time for everything.

So, he's seriously never...

Not even when you were a baby?

Nah. Never.

What kind of arsehole doesn't even want to acknowledge their own child?

Well, he's decided I don't exist.

Well, he doesn't get to decide that.

Maybe it's for the best.

Bullshit!

It's about his need for control, and that's bullshit.

Yeah.

What a queen.

Ritchie the artist.

Cin cin, Ritchie.

Chah!

Are you having another one?

Mm-hm.

Yeah.

Ah!

Mm.

Am I a good person, Ritch?

You really are dying.

I'm not dying.

Yeah.

You are.

One of the best.

♪ Is there a place where the grass... ♪

I was saving this one for Milla.

She loves this stuff.

♪ My love... ♪

Seems a shame to waste it.

♪ Is there a place

♪ Where we can grow old? ♪

Really?

Yeah.

But I wanna dance with Jimmy.

That's fair enough.

He's a much better dancer.

He's much better all around... Oh, shut up.

We all mess up sometimes.

♪ You've thrown me the line of a world I can't reach

♪ I heard you cry in the night

♪ When you couldn't sleep

♪ But you don't really have to find love

♪ If it makes you feel this way

♪ You don't really have to find love

♪ If it makes you shiver and shake

♪ Now you're bitter and cold

♪ 'Cause we left it this way

♪ And love is the loneliest place... ♪

Are you really gonna go?

Leave for uni?

Yeah.

Seems that way.

♪ Oh, love, I can't give you reasons

♪ Reasons for you to adore

♪ You put your heart in the winter

♪ Though spring would give you more

♪ You're tied up in the timing

♪ Too scared to unravel it all

♪ Though I know that you know what's written at the core

♪ And you don't really have to find love

♪ If it makes you feel this way

♪ Oh, you don't really have to find love

♪ If it makes you shiver and shake

♪ Now you're bitter and cold

♪ 'Cause we left it this way

♪ And love is the loneliest place

♪ Oh, love is the loneliest place... ♪

It was a lovely Christmas, Jimmy.

Well, it wouldn't have been as lovely without you, so...

You have wonderful friends. YOU'RE a wonderful friend.

Oh. You're very lucky.

Yeah, well, I feel very lucky.

Shall I read?

No, I think I'll just go to sleep.

You've done more than enough.

Merry Christmas, Milla.

Ha!

OK, OK, what do you think?

Oh!

Very nice!

Ooh, OK.

Do you think a little wider, though?

I think sleighs have wider runner things.

Why are we even doing this now?

'Cause aren't the boys at Joe's?

Yeah, they'll be back tomorrow first thing.

You know they don't sleep.

What even is eggnog?

Does it have actual egg in it?

Are you drunk?

No.

Like, would a drunk person

do these excellent regulation-gauge sleigh tracks?

I think not.

Take a boot, darling.

What?

Santa footprints.

But what about the reindeer? What about them?

What about their little hoof prints?

Oh, my God, they fly. They don't make prints.

No, because the sleigh was on the ground,

so, like, you need to get your story straight.

You're over-complicating things.

I'M over-complicating things? Mm.

Fine. Do the reindeer prints.

Fine!

Alright.

Come on. Ha!

You know what? Maybe on the roof.

Ritchie!

OK, come on. That's high enough.

Ritchie!

OK, come on, that's high enough for reindeer!

Ritchie! Come down!

Oh.

Ritchie!

Ritchie!

Do it.

Do it. Do it. Ritchie!

Ritchie!

Ritchie!

Ritchie!

I'm OK!

OK. Can you... Can you get down? I'm calling an ambulance.

No, don't call anyone, I'm fine!

Argh!

Sorry, I'm sorry.

Sorry, sorry, I know, I know. Shh!

Hello. Come on. Bedtime.

Oh! Yep.

Bedtime. OK.

Ooh! Come on.

Are you sure you're OK?

Oh, stop.

Wh... Where have you been? Are you OK? What happened?

Yeah, no, no, she's OK. She just... She had a bit of a fall.

She was being a reindeer on the roof and she slipped.

She was on the roof?

I was putting up Christmas decorations.

I'm fine.

Is she drunk?

How much have you had to drink?

It's Christmas, so, lots!

Goodnight.

Yeah! Three ticks.

Milla?!

It's Jimmy!

Probably have time for some tea before we go to the cinema.

Oh.

Oh.

I did everything right. I...

I did everything the cards told me to do.

Why would they make me meet her

and care

and then have her die?

What kind of message is that?

Wh...

I don't know. She was pretty old, Ed.

I can't believe you just... No, no, no.

I'm just... I'm just saying that maybe,

Milla dying, it didn't have anything to do with the cards.

Maybe it was just her time.

Yeah, I'd rather not have the cards at all if this is what happens.

Oh, my God.

I mean, what's the point?

You know, why even try?

Ed, come inside.

No, sorry. Can you go back to bed?

Ed, wait.

Where are you going? I'll come with you.

No.

It is better like this.

Friends like you are a precious thing.

Yeah, but she's not like other people!

Don't pretend you haven't seen the signs. They're clear as day.

Ritchie's a natural.

The way you move.

You tell the story through your body.

It's beautiful.

Hey. You've called Ed. I can't come to the phone...

Mum! Mama!

We got so many presents! Merry Christmas!

Wow!

Look, it's snow! Told you Santa would come here too.

Sleigh marks!

He came! Santa!

Santa said he was late

because the windfarms in Norway blew him off track.

Oh! Oh, did he now?

Hey. You've called Ed...

He's still not answering.

I don't think he wants to be found.

I don't know! It was just like this

when I woke up! Thank you! Thank you, Mum!

I can't believe she was just with us.

Queen Milla with her scallop crown,

playing charades.

Making us all feel better.

Just for 10 minutes, alright?

I love you so much. Love you guys.

Life's so short.

OK, let's go! Let's see what we got!

I love you, Dad.

Hello?

Bernie?

Bernie?

Bernie!

Bernie!

No, no, inside.

Inside.

I wondered if you were ever going to get out of that shit-box.

Look, Suzanne... Just go.

We're done.

I just, um...

What?

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Don't come back!

Dad, Mum, we have to talk, OK? I...

I'm sick of... You've been lying to us.

You broke into my room. You disappeared!

Something could have happened to you.

That's MY room.

Mine. Explain THIS.

OK.

I wanted to tell you.

I tried to.

But you never listen.

I tried to tell Dr Nadel,

but he just treats me like I'm still a kid.

I know what I'm doing!

You're trespassing.

Sorry. Can we please just talk? You need to leave now.

I'm calling the police. I just want to talk.

We've got nothing to talk about.

I'm your daughter. No, you're not.

Yes, I am. No, you're not.

I'm your daughter. No!

Get out of here, do you understand me?

I'm your daughter! Just talk to me! No, you're not! You are not.

- I am your daughter! - No, you're not!

I'm your daughter!

You're nothing! You're nobody!

Nothing!

Is this all some type of joke to you?!

I'm fine! You're not fine.

You're drinking! You're lying! You were up on the roof again!

I was saving Christmas!

I knew you'd find me, Jimmy.

Sometimes you just have to play the cards you're dealt.

The people we love never really leave.

You're a dead man, Ed Kennedy.

Things aren't as hard as you think.

It was all you, Ed.

Ed Kennedy, we meet again.

OK, I'm done.

And I'm guessing... I'm done! Leave me alone!

So, NOW you wanna talk to me. Ed Kennedy...

I don't want to do this! Just chill, man!

Things aren't as hard as you think. You're not a hero, Ed.

I don't want to be a Messenger anymore!

You just seemed so lost and lonely.

Driving a cab, playing cards.

Wasting your life.

Bernie.

Sometimes you just have to play...

Help! ..the cards you're dealt.

It was all you, Ed.

We meet again. Stop!

You're a dead man, Ed Kennedy. You're not a hero, Ed.

People we love... Stop!

..never really leave. Please!

You're missing the massive point.

Did I do this?

I may be nuts.

No more riddles.

I just want to finish what I started.

I want to meet Amy Parker.

What?

Wait, scissor girl?

I don't remember what happened, and it changed my whole life.

I thought you'd be pleased, man.

You don't know the first thing about me.

Or about being a man.

Bad dad! Bad dad! Bad dad!

Marv, stop! Stop! Bad dad! Bad dad!

You took my life!

Stop!

Captions by Red Bee Media

Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation