Original subtitles

Tonight's programme takes us backstage

to witness first hand the creation start to finish

of a new play mounted on the American stage.

Asteroid City does not exist.

It is an imaginary drama created expressly for this broadcast.

The characters are fictional, the text hypothetical,

the events in apocryphal fabrication.

But together they present an authentic account

of the inner workings of a modern theatrical

production.

Story begins, of course, with an ink ribbon.

The Conrad Earth playwright native of Upper Wyoming,

well known for his romantic, poetic

tapestries of life West of the Rocky Mountains.

There is little amusement to be had, however,

in watching a man type skip ahead,

then

past the lonely, agonised months of composing, revising,

polishing, editing, rewriting,

cutting, pasting, pacing, doodling and solitary drinking

and join our company as they

take the stage for their first read through rehearsal location,

the Tarkington Theatre,

345 S Northwest Ave.

OK, this is on a desert bus stop halfway

between parched Gulch

and arid plains.

Main scenography includes a 12 stool luncheonette,

A1 pound filling station,

and A10

cabin motor court hotel.

Upstage left the Tomahawk Mountains.

Highest peak 11,000 feet.

Upstage right an unfinished Hwy overpass

which vaults up 20 feet,

then chops off mid

air behind a permanent roadblock.

Centre front An impact crater 100 feet in depth and diameter,

encircled by a lone Little

League variety chain link fence.

Off stage distant a 650 car freight train

which clicked backs by 5 miles an hour.

Note that chief electrician,

the light of the desert sun

is neither warm nor cool,

but

always clean

and above all, unforgiving.

Cast.

August Steinbeck, war photographer, early 40s.

His son Woodrow, 14, also known as Brainiac.

Midge Campbell, late 30s film actress.

Her daughter Diana, 15.

June Dallas school teacher ranch hand, Montana above.

Griff Gibson, Five Star General.

Sandy Borden, Roger Cho, J Kellogg.

Clifford, Ricky Shelton.

Stanley's Act, 65, retired.

The action of the play takes place in September of 1955.

Act One Friday morning, 7:00 AM, Act 2 the next day,

Act Three one week later.

Last.

Fernando.

If you miss this one, you'll never get another one.

Last night I made a mistake, Dorothy, she said.

Tomorrow.

All right.

Tonight.

Time for the last.

Train.

Last train.

If you missed this.

You'll never get another one.

5 words of flapjacks and a black coffee.

I used to pay.

Our average speed is 83 feet per second for fuel efficiency

due to excess wind resistance,

probably the luggage rack based on data

before the loss of power obviously.

Why do you, like princesses, want to drink?

Oh, we're not Princess.

The mummy in Egypt took up.

All of his head chopped off.

How about a glass of strawberry milk?

What was that other atom bomb test?

I've seen this combination of symptoms twice

before in the 52 state model.

In one case, it was a quick fix of a 75 cent part.

The other case was it difficult,

costly, time-consuming disassembly

and re mantling of

the entire drivetrain and lubrication mechanism,

which didn't work.

The motor exploded itself and the body was stripped

and sold for scrap.

There it is.

Yeah.

Almost want to wake up.

We're about to find out.

Got the first one.

How much do I owe you?

Nothing $10.00 for the.

What's that?

What was that?

I don't know.

I think you've got a third problem we've never seen before.

Romulus, this is Augustine Best.

Good morning, Mr Rugby.

They give you something and we're not there.

You're not here.

May I speak to Missus?

Zack.

Yes, Mr.

You're not here.

We're not there, The car exploded.

Come get the girls.

Loaded parts of the car exploded itself.

Yes, come get the girls.

Another chauffeur on the grandfather.

Where are you?

Asteroid City Farm Road 6, Mile 75.

Conquer the girls.

I have to stay here with Woodrow.

Were you talking about the thing for Woodrow?

Were there?

Hello.

It didn't.

No.

No.

Yes.

You didn't tell them.

Still tell them.

You promised.

I know.

The time is never right.

The time.

There's always wrong.

Are you OK?

No.

You never liked me, did you?

I never love you.

I thought I wasn't good enough for yes.

We sang the same.

Gas up the Cadillac, OK?

Tell the kids I will.

I'll be there when I get there.

It's the end of that car and drama.

Cheque under the floor mats.

Come on, Pandora.

Cheque.

The side pockets, Cassiopeia cheque.

The cracks between the seats.

Take everything.

What do you think would room?

I think it's kind of sad.

Rest up 13 minutes.

1-234-567-8910 All present

Let's give thanks for safe journey, Billy.

Dear Heavenly Father,

we thank thee kindly for a terrific bus ride.

I ate three boxes of Cracker Jacks,

got a dog whistle

and a minstrel map

of the original

13 colonies.

Also, we saw Coyote get rid of her by a 14 Wheeler

and let them flat as a pancake.

Boy, oh boy, what else?

The bus driver had to stop twice because Bernice couldn't hold Could so.

Lunchtime single file.

My word, It's hot.

It's the desert.

What you'd expect.

I don't know if I expected one thing or another,

but I'm melting like a cut between you

don't wilt.

Don't they

phenomenon that.

Would you pedal me for stem?

You dare me?

But tweet this hot pepper.

It's an experiment.

Ohh, don't do it.

Holy Toledo.

That's Mitch Campbell.

Where?

Who writes smacking back of you Don't Look.

That must be her bodyguard.

Mr Cho.

Yes.

Hello.

You're in cabin seven.

Well, 10/7.

Here's the key.

But there's no door, just a flap.

10 flap.

I know I upgraded the electrical system Tuesday morning.

Better lighting, power for the ice machine

and a wall mounted bug zapper.

Unfortunately a mistake got made

and happened 7 burned to the ground.

It's a tent now.

We don't want to sleep in the tent.

Of course I understand.

May I say I think you're very comfortable.

Is the young gentleman in distress?

He's thirsty.

Of course I understand.

Jews preference please.

Apple, orange or tomato?

Excuse me, Sir, this bucket of nuts

just stole my quarter.

I beg your pardon?

You're probably wondering why we didn't attack

your mother's suitcase.

It's because she's not coming with us on this journey.

You can't come.

She got sick.

And to put it bluntly,

after all the surgeries,

therapies and interventions,

after two

years of struggling and suffering,

she succumbed to her illnesses.

I'm sorry I didn't know to tell you then.

I couldn't figure out how to tell you later.

I don't know what to do.

The time was never right.

You're saying her mother died 3 weeks ago?

Yes.

When is he coming back?

She's not coming back.

Let's say she's in heaven.

Which doesn't exist for me, of course, but you're Episcopalian.

Come here, let me hug you.

So back down.

Did you know already?

Woodrow.

I think so.

She'd been away so long.

OK.

Yeah.

We're going to be OK.

Your grandfather's on his way.

We're going to stay with him for a period of time

which is yet to be determined how long

it's going to be.

Is she in there?

Yeah.

She's in the Tupperware.

Cremated.

Alright, your friends now.

How are you?

No.

Because I'm so alive.

When my father died,

my mother told me he's in the stars.

I told her the closest star.

Other than that one, it's 4 1/2 light years away

with the surface temperature over 5000

degrees centigrade.

He's not the star.

As I said, he's on the ground.

She thought it would come from me.

She was an atheist.

The other thing she said, which is incorrect.

Time heals all wounds.

No.

Maybe it can be a Band-Aid.

Your concept of time is completely distorted, though.

I don't think any of you except Woodrow even understands what 15 minutes means.

15 minutes is 6200 hours.

Exactly.

That's not your fault.

If you could have anything in the world to eat right now,

what would it be?

The character of Augie Steinbeck in the imaginary tale

of our production was to become

famously an indelibly connected to the actor

who created the role,

a former Carpenter

discovered in a bit part by the plays director Schubert Green.

I've finished my correspondence, Annalise.

Please bring me my cocktail and my pill.

Remember the gentleman?

Ohh no.

Referred by Mr.

Green as a respect him away,

put him up at the Salty Skipper

or the Lighthouse in and

tell him to come back in the morning.

But not before 11,

the occasion of the first meeting between playwright.

And player is now, in our fanciful telling,

a matter of theatrical lore and legend,

setting

late autumn,

late afternoon a seaside village outside the grand metropolis.

I beg your pardon?

I'm sorry, did Miss Watson not inform you?

I'm indisposed, I know, but the ice cream would have melted.

What's this?

I think it's the one you like.

Gooseberry River from the Frosty Spoon on East Rotterdam.

I wrapped it inside US newspaper and peanut shells.

You shouldn't waste your spending money on an old fool like me.

And they gave me $10 bus fare.

So but as 1/2 bucket hitchhiking packet.

The change.

Cool and delicious.

How long have you been in the service?

The service?

What service?

I know you're talking about.

Well, unless I've been deliberately misinformed,

I believe those stripes seem to kick

the status of a ranking.

Corporal second class.

I'm GI #3 and Bugle boy blows the Blues Was.

Anyway, we close tonight.

I see properly the wardrobe department.

Not anymore.

How was it, by the way?

The play.

It's stunk.

Mind if I crack open a window?

Not at all.

It's sweltering, isn't it?

Even the daisies and butter cups are drooped in that window.

Stick with it and that window sticks a bit.

You broke my window.

Why does Alfie burns hand on the quickie griddle?

Well, I don't even know myself, to tell you the truth.

I hadn't planned it that way.

He just sort of did it while I was typing.

Is it too extraordinary for you?

I guess the way I read it,

he was looking for an excuse why his heart was beating so

fast.

Ohh, what an interesting sentiment.

I love that idea.

Maybe he should say it.

It's a very good line.

No, I suppose not.

Not necessary.

It's a fact we're not alone.

The aliens stole the asteroid,

long thought to be a lunar splinter,

fragmented from the

lesser moon of the hypothetical planet Magnavox 27,

now considered a rogue pygmy comma

test, according to the encyclopaedia.

Obviously, she would have said something to him,

I'm certain of it.

Your mother, I mean, she would have gotten him

to tell us the secrets of the universe,

or yelled at him and made him laugh.

Sure, I had a hypothesis.

You remind me of her more than ever.

She wasn't shy.

Part of that.

I think your sisters might be aliens too, by the way.

When I Met Your Mother, she was only 19.

She was smoking a cigarette,

reading a paperback,

taking a bath in a swimsuit on a rusty

fire escape, a flight and a half below my camera position.

Sometimes, I sometimes still think I still hear her here.

Breathing in the dark.

Who knows what drill?

Maybe she isn't the stars.

You're perfect.

OK, OK.

Hold on.

On it.

When's the next one?

Sunday morning.

Because.

You took a picture of me?

Uh-huh.

1.

I'm photographer.

I didn't ask permission.

I never asked permission.

Why not?

Because I work in trenches,

battlefields and combat zones.

Really.

Uh-huh.

I mean, you're a war photographer, mostly.

Sometimes I cover sporting events.

My name is Augustine deck.

Mm-hmm.

What are you going to do then?

Perfect.

Well.

If it's any good,

I guess I'll try to sell it to a magazine now that you mention it.

Mitch Campbell eating a waffle.

Make me a print first to approve.

Uh-huh.

This is Dinah.

There's Woodrow.

Have question

Have you ever been shot with bullets?

And I haven't been.

Once or twice.

Just crazy.

He got trampled in the back of the head too.

Shower.

Hmm.

I don't say I forgive you yet, by the way.

Welcome from the United States Military Science, Research

and Experimentation Division

in conjunction with the Larkins Foundation.

We salute you.

Each year we celebrate Asteroid Day commemorating September 23rd,

3007 BC when the arid

planes meteorite made Earth impact.

The itinerary for this three day celebration

includes a tour of the newly refurbished

observatory with Doctor Hickenlooper under staff.

A picnic supper of chilli and frankfurters

with an evening fireworks display.

The viewing of the astronomical ellipses at its peak

just before midnight tonight.

And finally, the awarding of the annual Hickenlooper Scholarship

after Monday's banquet

lunch.

Now I'll start by presenting the commemorative medals.

But first I'll do my speech first,

which you'll also receive in a folio edition of Souvenir.

OK.

Chapter one I walked to school 18 miles each morning,

milked the goats,

put the chickens,

played hooky, caught fireflies,

went skinny dipping in the watering holes

at my prayers

every night and got whipped with a Maple switch twice a week.

Never slide.

Chapter 2.

My father went off to fight in the war to end all wars.

It didn't, and what was left of them came back in a pine box

with a flag on top and I

took a tune.

Next I went to officer school in 20 years,

passed at the speed of the dream wife,

a son,

a daughter, a poodle.

Chapter three, another war arms and legs blown off like popcorn,

eyeballs gouged out,

figuratively and literally.

The men put on shows under the palm fronds,

dressed as women in hull skirts.

That was life.

In the meantime, somebody else's story,

a man thinks of a number divided by a trillion,

plugs it into the square root

of the circumference of the earth

multiplied by the speed

of a splitting atom in Kuala Progress.

I'm not a scientist.

You are into Chapter 3.

Junior stargazers and space cadets.

We watched Transfixed as you enter into uncharted territories

of the brains and spirit.

If you wanted to live a nice, quiet, peaceful life,

you picked the wrong time to get

born.

This was speech.

Be notified you are E the guardian of your own safety.

Maintain alert caution throughout the following demonstration.

To Ricky Joe for his work in the field of aeronautical induction,

the collapsing star

ribbon of success,

to Clifford Kellogg for his work

in the study of particle disintegration.

The black hole badge of Triumph the diner Campbell,

fueled by cosmic radiation

instead

of sunlight for work in the area of botanical acceleration.

Unfortunately makes all vegetables toxic.

The red giant.

Shelly Gordon.

For her work in the realm of mineral fabrication,

I synthesised an extraterrestrial element.

It's going to be added to the periodic table next year.

The distant nebula Laurel Ground.

To Woodrow Steinbeck.

For his work in the sphere of astronomical imaging.

It may have applications in the development of

interstellar advertising

the White Wolf,

but a little bit deeper.

Our tour ends here.

Thank you for your attention

and thank you to the Larkins Foundation

for their generous

funding.

What are those pulses?

Indicate what?

Ohh, the beeps and blips?

We don't know.

Indecipherable radio emissions from outer space?

Probably a red herring.

There's a change, not to my knowledge.

It's a date maybe?

It's a date on the galactic calendar, Mary.

We think it's a date on the galactic calendar.

Wow.

Always today.

We think they for the ketchup and we think they for the mustard.

We think they for the relish

and we think they're the ones we think they for the Pickles.

123456

You weren't 8.

There's like 0.0000% chance exists of extraterrestrial life

in the entire universe.

It's a scientific fact.

Have been space bugs and microscopic worms certainly disagree.

So do it's not a scientific fact.

Not even a number.

Press the Pickles please.

Chilli.

Fine.

Thank you.

Constance.

Endless space into measurable time

for likelihood had increased by a factor of Infinity.

Where'd you get that?

The Cantina machine.

Where's the Cantina Cantina machine?

Could you say anything with those on your face?

Oh

oh God.

Zeus, what would you what did you do to deserve that?

Nothing.

Who hate you?

Nobody.

It's grease paint.

I feel like my character.

Ohh.

How does she get a black guy in the story?

She doesn't have the story, it's on the inside.

OK, it's supposed to be getting.

Foundation claims permanent, incontestable rights.

Incontestable right.

We own inventions derived from any

and every submission without exception.

Not for teenagers.

Read the fine print.

The projects.

All belong to Uncle Sam.

I call it triple orbit and return without burning up in the atmosphere.

Are you sitting there by yourself?

You.

Are you shy?

I'm a late bloomer, so I've been told by my parents.

Are you intimidated by us?

No, Let's do personality tests.

What's your name again?

Charles Steinbeck.

What's the O form?

Lindberg.

Everybody look at Woodrow.

I agree.

Shy, not intimidated over here, Woodrow.

But the.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's one of those without saying, doesn't it?

Everybody already knows what normally intelligent, that's true.

Other made for me.

It's supposed to be funny according to her sense of humour.

When it's not as hilarious as it was originally.

Ohh, really?

How come?

Because she was alive and now she's dead.

Haha.

What was she like?

My ohh my mother.

She was.

Like this?

When did you lose her?

Officially this morning, but I think I already know.

Howdy.

What are you doing up there just enjoying the desert air?

You dare me?

Dairy 1 Jump off this bungalow.

It's an experiment.

No.

I love gravity, It might be my favourite law physics at the moment.

Players of the stage.

A tribe of troubadours and non conformists,

they lead unconventional, sometimes dangerous

lives which nourish and elevate

their artistic aspirations

and illuminate the human condition.

Next, 10 weeks later,

the eve of Asteroid City's first public preview,

a drawing room

on board the Apache planes liner bound for the California coast.

OK.

Shubert says you got to come back.

If I'm so important, why isn't he here himself?

Probably too busy.

Too busy to go chasing after you.

They sent me.

You know who I am?

I think so.

Understudy.

Let me just.

He said, crying.

Here, he do this one.

Nope, that's not here's.

You're hopping mad.

Read you this one.

Give me both.

And what he said, he said he'd give me both.

Tell her she's stuck up, low class snob,

but she's got no good reason to be.

If she senses you Sessa back,

tell her she's a borderline neurotic with an Achilles heel

complex.

The second one.

Tell her she relies on her beauty like a wobbly crutch.

It's a deepest weakness.

Tell her she's got the potential for genuine greatness,

but I say with absolute certainty

she will never achieve it.

Anything else?

He said if you're cool, collected,

which I think is what I think you seem to be,

then

that means you probably really don't want to come back.

And I gotta give you this, Read it.

Not what he said.

He said this one's private, just the two of you.

He said that.

He he said that.

Dear Kim, I'm sorry I shouted

and called to a spoiled bitch in a minor talent

and broke

her glasses and threw them out the window.

Given that I have always considered you

to be the most consummately gifted living actress

and a person of great intelligence and character,

these statements and actions do not

accurately reflect my true feelings.

Yes, I may be a manipulative snake

as he once characterised me behind my back.

You see, I do have my sources, but I love you like a sister.

Other than that one time in the bathroom the day we met,

which has never been repeated

as we both know.

I never meant to hurt you or insult you or offend you in any way,

only to try with the

few tools I have at my disposal to do my job,

which is to make it work.

Forgive me.

We open tomorrow night, with or without you,

without our entire devoted company will

suffer complete disaster and tragic calamity,

as will a brilliant, fragile genius named

Conrado.

With.

You will enjoy the triumph of your career,

which does not matter in the least.

All that matters is every second of life on stage in our friendship.

Your servant, your director,

and your fine may, your devoted mentor.

Sugar clean.

What's your name under study?

They continued through the night as far as Ohio,

then disembarked and caught the return

flight, arriving two hours prior to curtain.

The talented understudy immediately replaced

the original Woodrow.

Strongly question whether your daughter soon

putting resembles anything from outer space.

It's not so sunny.

It's called smores toes seem.

This is excellent.

Thank you.

It's really all the machines doing.

What the devil do you know about astrogeology anyway?

JJ whatever that stands for.

Just maintain the workings.

Charlie's thesis is supported by the outdated evidence.

I beg your pardon?

Not in my opinion.

I like the Silly Putty or sports, told him.

In fact, I've just quoted what he said.

There's some project went very well.

Have killed us all today, by the way.

Coming from the family that brought us the electromagnetic.

And of course it's lethal.

So you admit it.

I don't imagine Brainiac flag

means you trying to provoke World War Three or something

you propulsion.

Delta is eminently safe by allowing 8 year old boy to operate it.

In fact, I did Ricky's cousin Chip

and he broke the solo flight altitude record.

They're strange, aren't they?

They're children compared to normal people.

Yes, that's correct.

That's true.

After that, the second person says to name the first one said,

then adds another, Then

the third person says both plus the new name.

And then the next person keeps going into one in the circle.

It's a memory again.

Get it?

I'll start Cleopatra.

Cleopatra Jagdish Chandrabose.

Like that exactly.

Got it.

Cleopatra Jagadish.

Chandra Bose.

Anthony from Moving Dog.

Cleopatra jacket is Chandrabose Anthony found muffin hook.

Paracelsus.

Cleopatra jacket has changed both hands

and even moving Hook, Paracelsus,

Kurt Girdle.

Correct.

Cleopatra.

Jagadish Chandra Bose.

Anthony Van Leaving Hook.

Paracelsus.

Kurt Girdle.

William Bragg.

Which one?

There's two.

William Henry Bragg.

My father's Cleopatra.

Jacket has changed Post Anthony van Living Hulk Paracelsus.

Kurt Girdle, William Henry Bragg.

As in heaven.

Cleopatra Younger, Chandrabose, Anthony Brown Movement,

Have Paracelsus, Kurt Groudle,

William Henry Bragg, Lord Kelvin.

Mitch Campbell.

Can I say her?

As long as she's a real person, you can say anybody you like.

Cleopatra, Jagadish, Chandra.

Including my mother.

She's my idol.

Jagadish, Chandra, Rolls.

And she found Lavernock, Paracelsus, Kurt Doodle.

William Brack, the father.

Lord Kelvin, the mathematical physicist.

Mitch Campbell, your mother,

Constantine Sulkowski at the Rocket Scientist.

I don't know if this scheme works with us brainiacs.

I mean, I I think might go on forever.

I don't mind.

In my school, nobody played this game with me in a million years.

But the names would be too obvious.

I know my next one.

Around us, I think I'm saying try backwards, Brainiac.

Say the new one first.

Ojo Tokyo Yuki.

Constantine Silkowski.

Mitch Campbell, Lord Kelvin, William Henry Bragg,

Kurt Girdle.

Paracelsus, Antony van Levenhuk, Jagadish, Chandrabose.

Cleopatra.

Yeah.

Put out that cigarette?

Quite.

You mentioned.

Be ashamed of yourselves, are you?

Yes, ma'am.

But we didn't give him that cigarette.

He just must have got his own cigarette machine.

I almost believe you.

Let's go.

Come on.

Wait.

Was I ever there?

Was I ever there?

OK.

Memorising my lines.

Approved.

And do announcing you want to see it?

Did I say yes?

He didn't say anything.

I met you?

Asked my mouth.

My mouth didn't speak.

It's a monologue,

but it starts when I step out of the shower.

When you first picked me out of the secretarial pool,

I had $111.00 in my bank account.

I lived along with a cat and a parakeet in one room dishwater flat.

I sold the DeSoto to lend you

the down payment for my engagement ring.

It was spring.

That's so.

I know you're a good man.

I'm not sorry I never deceived you.

Remember Me as a blur in the rear view mirror?

Was I ever there?

Did you actually see me?

I can't see myself anymore.

But here I am.

Let's get divorced.

It'll be done tastefully,

of course we could do the back of my legs

when the telephones

down.

Yeah, sometimes.

They sometimes do a stunt double sometimes.

I don't know if I like beards by the way.

Ohh.

Take another picture.

Not for publication.

I thought you never asked permission.

Don't move.

I prefer to play abused, tragic Alcoholics,

and one day I'll probably be discovered lifeless

in an overflowing bathtub

with an empty bottle of sleeping pills spilled all over the

floor.

But.

Sad thing is.

I'm actually a very gifted comedian.

That's true.

Are you married?

I'm a widower, but don't tell my kids.

Yeah, it wasn't going to.

OK.

Yeah.

No, Ohh, I'm sorry.

Thank you.

They do know, by the way, They're just barely.

What do you swap for out of this particular jukebox?

Mr Of course.

I understand this machine sells land.

Land, you say?

Yes, indeed.

The property is just beyond these cottages.

In fact, out of this year's soda pop machine, Yes, indeed.

Well, now, I ain't calling you a liar to your face,

but that sounds to me like some kind

of toad swindle.

Of course I understand it's not a toad swindle.

You put in the money,

you receive a notarized deed

to the land.

How big a spread.

For $10 and quarters, approximately half a tennis court.

Put the potion in.

Just getting, just getting frisky, Boo.

And with the spell, Mama comes back.

Hello.

And save these books.

What's in the Tupperware?

He finally told you.

Who's this old man?

Poppy, I think.

You don't Remember Me?

I remember smell.

We're not going to abandon my daughter at a motel

in the middle of the desert,

buried

next to the communal showers.

You're running the hero.

You touch us, so sacrifice you.

I understand.

Thank you for your clarity.

I'll tell you what, let's leave her alone in the ground

until tomorrow morning.

Then we'll exhume the Tupperware,

bring her with us in the Cadillac.

And Barrier again this weekend

in the backyard next to the 7th hole

at Rancho Palms,

where I live in a beautiful house with a swimming pool.

Great.

Let's hope Kyrie doesn't dig her up in the meantime.

Nothing we can do about it anyway.

Look at that.

Tonight, you're in for a real treat.

I don't know how many of you ever observed

an astronomical ellipsis before.

In fact, can we get a show of hands?

Nobody.

Wow.

OK, well what you're going to see

is a very simple dot dot dot free pinpoints

of light

inside your refracting box,

which may not sound very exciting at 1st

until you consider

how those dots manage to transmit themselves

across 1000 billion miles of space

onto

that little scrap of black cardboard.

Twice every 57 years, when the Earth, the Sun,

the Moon and the galactic plane of the

Milky Way all combobulator along the same angle

of orbital interest,

the radiant energy

of three neighbouring stellar systems induces

a parallel ecliptic transit,

thus all but

proving that hypothesis of celestial flirtation.

The hitch, of course, is that the math doesn't work.

But maybe one of you one day will be the genius

who saw that problem.

The event will begin in 30 seconds.

Remember, if you look directly at the ellipses

rather than through your refracting box,

not only will you not actually see the effect,

but you will burn the dots straight into

your retina, probably permanently.

I know that for a fact,

because they're still burned into mine

from when I was 11, going

on 12.

That's when I realised I wanted to be an astronomer,

which is another story.

Here we go.

There it is.

But these are just such marvellously luminous colours, aren't they?

Very exciting.

Does everybody see it?

The stable.

Yep, it works.

Are you selling?

Yeah, I'm your idol.

What's your rank?

Commanding secretary.

I was a cookie trooper myself.

Really.

Wow.

Although I say it's got 75.

The aliens stole the asteroid.

Shubert Green, born Shylock, was gorgeous director, immigrant,

known for his limitless

energy, his voracious enthusiasm.

A well known actress described him sexually

as an animal,

specifically a rabbit,

and

his long, deep and intimate relationship with success.

What do you think, monkey?

Good.

I'm not going to ask what the Hell's going on here.

Time for an All Star second baseman during the first week of rehearsals.

By living quarters.

Sign this.

Ohh no.

Collect report card?

Where do you think it was?

I thought maybe we were already divorced.

Not yet.

But eventually he made the honour roll again.

I'm staying at Diego's Penthouse clerks at my mother's.

The apartment is empty.

Why don't you just go home?

I don't think I should be alone in a building with real windows.

Makeup cuts my hair and shaves me.

Costumes washes my dungarees.

This is where I belong for now.

Better Did you do the green?

It's been a great 10 years, Schubert.

I don't regret a second of it.

Clarkston loves you.

I still love you.

Not like before.

But not like before.

Schubert Green lived in the scenic Bay of the Tarkington Theatre

for all 785 performances

of Asteroid City Dark Nights.

He stayed in the Governor's Suite of the Nebraska Hotel.

Here, one last note.

When Mitch makes her exit and Act 3 scene five,

try having her say the line after she

closes the door.

I know you are not.

I will.

Goodbye.

Wake up.

I've just informed the President.

He authorised me to read and implement the provisions

of National Security Emergency

Scrimmage Plan.

Next.

Here I go.

The following top secret directive

was mandated into law on July 1st, 1950.

In the event of unforeseen engagement

with intelligent life form

or forms from any planet

not specifically defined as our Earth,

be advised to initiate the following protocols.

One confirm said life form

is not operating under the guidance

of any hostile foreign

terrestrial government.

I don't think he's working for the Russians of the Red Chinese,

but you never know.

He certainly didn't give me that impression to confirm,

the life form does not intend

to annex, colonise, vaporise

or expropriate the resources

of the sovereign territories

of the United States of America.

I doubt it.

It took the answer to win.

Three, identify and detain all possible witnesses

and place them under group arrest for

a period of no less than one week,

defined as seven calendar days,

during which time

they be subjected to a prescribed battery

of medical and psychological examinations across

examinations.

Standard procedure already in the works.

For secure, the site sees the dissemination of information

collected and transport the

totality of evidence to hermetically

enclosed deep underground secret storage facility

and publicly deny all aspects of the event,

including its existence for a period of no

less than 100 years

to find his 36,500 days

and have directed.

It's pretty clear.

What did we tell them?

Boo.

The junior stargazers, The space Cadets,

The moms and dads?

Major Campbell.

Tell them it didn't happen.

Ohh, obviously we'll have to formulate a suitable cover story.

You dare me?

There you would press that button.

I will break your neck alienating an apple?

That's an alien doing jumping jacks?

That's an alien top hat.

That's an alien climbing ladder.

That's an alien on a racehorse.

Let's take it from the top.

Times the alien picked up the astronaut alleged.

I know what I saw the video, right?

This is a microfiche of your school newspaper,

your byline or companies.

An article criticising the principles, disciplinary methods.

Who were your sources?

I was in the 6th grade.

Just Dance.

And I was name names.

All right.

Umm.

I'm going to attempt to proceed with the Lesson plan

I originally prepared,

just to keep

orderliness under the circumstances.

I expect that some some of our information about outer space

may no longer be completely

accurate.

But anyway, there's still only nine planets in the solar system

as far as we know, Billy.

Except now there's an alien.

True by all appearances.

Nevertheless, Neptune Four thought was planned by diameter.

Neptune orbits the sun only once every 165 years.

Bernice.

Maybe the alien weren't there.

Well, maybe.

I don't think anybody knows where the alien went or came from.

Asked why, At first I thought the alien was kind of sneaky,

but now I think he is probably

nervous to go to Earth.

He's never been here before.

I bet you then what is still our asteroid then?

If he's such a gentleman?

These are all reasonable questions.

But at this time, let's stick to Neptune,

because I haven't had time to prepare any Lesson

plan on this subject.

We're talking about the alien.

The alien, yes.

And by the way, I don't mean to evade your questions.

I want to emphasise that you're safe.

We all are here on Earth.

Your parents have been notified of at least something.

America remains at peace.

Yes, Montana.