Original subtitles

Oh, hello.

Allow me to introduce myself.

I am Jackie Mulchen,

the executive producer in charge of all productions

made here at Paramount.

And before showing this picture,

I thought I should at least explain--

The motion picture you're about to see

isn't the run-of-the-mill film fare

that has been presented to the moviegoing public of late.

Now, it's quite easy making this type of picture,

filled with love, emotion and tears.

And of course,

we could easily make these space,

violence and horror films

that are enjoyed by many peoples of the world.

But we chose to make what you're about to see.

A film based on fun.

And it's just a little different,

insofar as there is no story

and no plot.

That's right.

I said, no story. No plot.

It is actually a series of silly sequences.

Or you might say, it is a visual diary

of a few weeks in the life of a real nut.

And it's real silly.

Oh, put it on!

Show it to them! Put it on!

This is Walter Winchell reporting.

And this is Miami Beach at night.

The nights here are the same as anywhere else--

No sun.

This is the same Miami Beach, daytime.

It is just waking up...

rubbing the sand out of its ponds,

ready for another

"Let's Be Pretty for the Tourists" day.

A day that could never get started

without the people who provide the services

that are required in order that the visitor is satisfied.

The people who serve are the real backbone,

the people who serve and work in order that you might pay.

That is, play.

Company,

halt!

And of course, there are chefs,

chambermaids, clerks, hostesses,

waiters, doormen, bartenders,

waitresses, musicians and entertainers.

But these are the men

who are the real unsung heroes of a hotel,

the men who have no real direction.

They are called on day and night

for anything from burping babies

to walking the dog.

These are the men

who are almost always called upon

for services above and beyond the call of duty.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I call them men.

But everyone else calls for...

the bellboy.

And as the bellboys break ranks,

you will notice they all know

just where to go and what to do.

That is, most of them.

How are you?

Here you are, Stanley. Get everything out of the trunk.

George, come help me!

Hello? Hello?

Hello, Mr. Hartman. How are you?

Yes, we have your trunks.

- Artie, I need a couple of guys-- - Shh.

Yes, yes, we have your trunks.

I can't hear very well.

What did you say?

Oh, yes, yes, of course, yes.

Why, we've got beautiful accommodations for you.

I'm sure you'll be happy with them.

We'll be delighted to see you.

Yes, yes, thank you.

Thank you. Goodbye.

I'm Mr. Carter. You have my reservation?

Yes, sir, Mr. Carter. Sign here, please.

It's certainly nice to have you with us again, Mr. Carter.

Unfortunately, I can't stay too long.

This has to be a hit-and-run vacation.

We certainly hope you enjoy your stay.

Front boy!

Mr. Carter is in room 625.

And we certainly hope you enjoy your stay, Miss Winkley.

Front boy!

Miss Winkley is in room 626.

So nice to see you again, Mrs. Hartaum. Let me help you.

Oh, you're very lucky.

We've been having wonderful weather, Mrs. Hartaum.

Here, now, here we go, that's it.

Easy.

That's it, now.

Boy, open that bag

and hang those things up in the closet.

Well, well, well, if it isn't Mrs. Hartaum back with us again.

Although it's good to see you,

I hope it isn't because of dieting again.

Oh, now don't you fret, Mrs. Hartaum.

We'll do all we can.

But you're going to have to stay away

from that candy, you know.

- I know, I know. - Good. Good.

Clerk, the key to room 98 for Mrs. Hartaum, please.

I'm sure you'll be very happy in the new wing, Mrs. Hartaum.

I would like to leave a forwarding address.

Certainly.

Two weeks certainly did fly by, Mrs. Hartaum.

They certainly did. And you look wonderful.

Thank you.

That's because you kept away from the candy.

- Goodbye, Mr. Novack. - Goodbye.

Thank you.

Pull that car over!

Pull it over! That's it!

Now move the other one!

What a day I put in, huh?

Oh, Mrs. Hartaum, I didn't recognize you.

You look crazy.

I mean, great.

Thank you, Carl.

Has my uncle's car arrived yet?

Not as yet, Mrs. Hartaum. But I'll call and check.

Thank you.

Mrs. Hartaum is right here.

Oh, Mrs. Hartaum?

Your uncle asked if you would please wait.

He's been detained.

He'll be here in about 20 minutes.

Tell him that'll be perfectly all right. I'll wait.

All right, thank you. Mr. Hartaum,

Mrs. Hartaum said that'll be fine.

Thank you.

Would you care to sit right here...

Thank you.

...while the car comes? Thank you.

Stanley, you've been at this thing for 40 minutes.

Get going, will you?

Stanley, I don't mind you helping out the guys,

but you've been here for over an hour.

Now, get back to the bell desk!

On the double!

Stanley!

- I don't get it. - Get what?

This kid loves his work.

Now that you've got that done,

would you please be good enough to--

No, let me rephrase that.

Stanley, just to keep you out of mischief,

you go set up the seats for the motion picture tonight.

Stanley, we don't talk back.

Get along, get along.

What's the matter with you?

I never seen you laugh so hard.

I've got Stanley on theater seating duty.

Alone? How long has he been in there?

I just sent him in.

He'll be in there for two, three days, at least.

- Let's go and watch. - Okay. Let's go.

He's fast.

You know, Mr. Novack, I'm so excited.

I've never seen a movie star up close before.

Good. Enjoy yourself.

And it's Jerry Lewis.

Oh, our mother used to take me to see him

when I was just a kid.

Now, listen everybody. He'll be here in a moment.

Just be sure all the accommodations

are exactly as he ordered.

And whatever you do, be pleasant for a change!

Oh, there he is!

All right, places, everybody! Places!

No autographs, please. He's very shy.

Stand back, folks. No autographs, please.

Stand back, folks. No autographs now.

Whoa. Hold it. Hold it! Hold it!

- Is this where we register? - Yes, sir. Right this way.

Hold it. Hold it!

Hold it! Back! Back!

Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

Stop with the brushing!

Now, we've been together a long time.

I've asked you many, many things

and you've come up fat for me.

And now I'm asking you to hold it.

Stop pushing, stop brushing, just hold it.

Now, we're all adults

and I'll expect you all to conduct yourselves

in such a fashion as an adult will.

Hold it. I've never asked you this,

but I'm asking you now, simply, purely,

hold it!

I'm a nervous wreck. A nervous wreck!

Let me have a cigarette.

Thank you. Thank you. A light, do I have--?

Yes, sir.

All right. All right. All right. All right!

Hold it!

Stop with the brushing!

Let me have another cigarette, please.

I'll smoke it dry. I'll smoke it dry.

Yes, sir, Mr. Lewis, we're all quite excited

about your appearance at the Fontainebleau.

Of course...

we should be used to celebrities by now.

We've had some of the big ones staying with us, you know.

"Wrong-Way" Corrigan.

Ma Perkins.

And don't forget Bill Holden's aunt.

Bill Holden's aunt. Yes.

Well, I would like very much, if you don't mind,

I would like just very much to get to my room as soon as--

Yes, sir. Did you have a pleasant journey, Mr. Lewis?

Fine.

- Ah, he kills me! - He's so funny!

Well, of course you understand,

this is the private entrance to the hotel.

Your suite is on the fifth floor,

and it's completely secluded.

I'm sure you'll be very happy there.

That's wonderful. Yes.

He's always good for a laugh!

He's terrific!

I would like the seclusion and privacy,

because I had a terrible mishap

just a week or so ago in the family.

An aunt died and...

That's what I always say!

Nothing like a laugh.

He's so funny.

Would you care to register, Mr. Lewis?

Yes, I'd like to register.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. And I'd like to go to the room.

All right, all right!

You better let me have another card.

Oh, that won't be necessary, sir.

You may register in your suite. This way, please.

All right, thank you very much.

Back! Back! Back!

Ah, back!

Now we're gonna go in the elevator,

and we're gonna go single file, like nice people.

Remember, I told you, hold it.

- Leon. - Yes, chief.

- Who are all these people? - They all work for you, chief.

Mm-hm. And who's the guy with the straw hat?

He's the guy that tells you who we are.

Oh. That's good to have such a thing,

because I wouldn't have known.

I've got such a bunch of people.

This is a very nice room, Ben.

Where's the bed? Oh, it's the elevator.

I'm sorry. Will you stop. Wait. Don't push.

Folks, just, that's it. Just file in.

Now move to your left, would you? That's it.

Now let me get in-- Let me get in to the side!

That's it. Fine. Will you get off me?

You're stepping on my suede.

Will you stop with the brushing?

I'm awfully sorry, Ben,

but these people are just so overanxious.

And I appreciate it because,

you know, you've got to have your staff.

I've got the barber and the gardener,

and I've got the people that assist me.

See, when I do the shows, I try my best to do what I can

to perform for people, and I need the elements, you see,

and all of these people function for me.

That's why they're-- Stop brushing!

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Yeah.

But there couldn't be two of them.

Right?

Right.

Hey, Stanley couldn't be a Clark Kent, could he?

Don't be silly.

But he could be a Lamont Cranston.

Bell captain.

It didn't? I'm sorry, sir.

Yes, sir. Right away.

Front boy.

That brown rawhide bag

goes up to the Lewis entourage.

On the double!

Stanley. On the double!

- There you are, dear. - For me, Mr. Berle.

Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.

Boy, there are a lot of autograph hounds here.

Mr. Berle, I have a little daughter and she sings.

She sings every time the neighbors come to the house.

What should I do?

Move.

Deliver this to Milton Berle right away.

- Thank you. - You're welcome, son.

- Please. - Sure, young lady.

You know, you look like a girl I know from New York.

Were you ever--?

Just a minute, son. Please, just a minute.

You look like a girl-- Are you here with your mother?

Your mother's here with you, huh? I see--

Just a minute, will you, son, please?

There you are, young lady.

Young man, would you do me a favor?

First thing you must learn

is never to interrupt anybody

when they're busy, you understand?

I don't care what you want to say.

But the first thing you must learn is etiquette.

Politeness.

Don't look over there.

Look at me when I'm speaking to you.

Be a good boy, never interrupt people.

The rudest thing to do

is to interrupt people when they're trying to--

Oh, you have a message for me.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

There's a tip.

Milton.

Hi, Milt.

What's the matter?

- Milty? - Y-you wouldn't believe it.

You wouldn't believe it.

What...?

Milton, what's the matter?

Message for Jerry Lewis.

Right here, boy.

Mr. Lewis.

Yes?

Thank you.

What's uh... What's the trouble, sir?

Nothing. You wouldn't understand or believe it.

There's an awful lot of kooks in this hotel.

Straighten up there!

- Come on, let's go! - Wait a minute, where's Stanley?

- I don't know. - Well, we said we'd wait for him.

Oh, we'll miss the first race.

Come on, Stanley! The races go on in 20 minutes!

You're off duty now. What are you hanging around for?

We'll talk later. Let's go.

Yeah. Go get dressed, will you?

- Yeah, let's go! - We'll meet you outside.

- Where's that Stanley now? - Who knows.

- Oh, let's go. - Come on.

We're late for the races already.

He's a speedy boy!

Well, what do you think, Herkie?

I don't know. I can't make up my mind.

How about you, Dave? I'm thinking.

Sonny, how does it look to you?

Well, I don't know.

It looks to me like our friend, Flicka, has vanished again.

Oh. Where did this kid go?

He probably went to make a bet.

I don't have to go nowhere

to bet he's into some kind of mischief.

Your attention, please.

May we have your attention.

Due to circumstances beyond our control,

we will have to eliminate the first race today.

We are very sorry.

Please make your bets for the second race,

and all the first-race bets

will be refunded at the mutual windows.

Thank you.

Locker room, is Stanley down there?

Okay, thank you.

Say, Art, have you seen Stanley out there by the pool?

All right, thanks a lot.

Coffee shop, have you seen Stanley?

Which Stanley? The only Stanley in the world.

Is there anything I can do for you, sir?

Front boy.

Stanley, take over for a few minutes, will you?

I'll be right back.

All right, now!

What's the matter with you guys?

You've seen pretty girls before.

We've had model conventions here before.

Now remember, when these girls are here in this hotel,

they're treated like any other guest.

What you do during working hours is our business.

Now, what you do after working hours, is our business.

Now, don't fool around.

Remember, no girl is that important...

I think.

Mr. Novack, as you know,

I'm very faithful to this hotel and to you.

I try to keep a lot of things from you.

I try to do my job, and keep from bothering you

with a lot of petty annoyances, right?

This afternoon, Mr. Novack,

something happened I've got to tell you about.

This afternoon, when the models convention came into the hotel,

all the bellhops were lined up there,

and as the models came in,

every single one of those bellhops grabbed a girl.

They jumped out of line, grabbed a girl.

Every single one of them had a girl.

Except me, and I think it's pretty darn unfair.

I keep telling you, I keep telling you,

I keep telling you.

And I keep telling you--

Stop spending money!

I'll stop spending money when you stop spending money.

Don't-- Don't live my life for me!

I wouldn't, except that you-- I have to live it with you!

- Yeah. Shut it! - Shut what?

- Your big mouth! - My big mouth?

If there was a measuring stick,

you'd find that my mouth is just a little pinhole

compared to that Holland Tunnel you got under your lip.

All right, you asked for it.

Don't hit my husband!

You dog, you!

Where do you come off, you stinker,

butting in on our business?

I'll show you! Don't you dare!

How dare you? You busybody!

Nosy! Mind your own business!

You. Come on. Come on, honey. Don't pay any attention to him.

He don't know what he's talking about anyhow. My darling...

And I'm telling you, Bob, once and for all,

either you see to it that your men

are dressed neatly and clean

or there's going to be real trouble around here.

We're not running a gymnasium.

This is a very high-class hotel, do you understand?

Well, in case you don't, I'll say it again.

- Neat. Clean. Nice. - Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Good taste, good clothes, refinement, distinction.

That is very, very important.

Put this in my cabana. Yes, sir.

Bell captain. No, sir, I'm sorry.

You'll have to call room service. Right up.

Company, halt!

- Left face. - Left face.

All right, this will be a half-hour break.

March. Hut, hut, hut, hut...

Bell captain.

Well, sit down. There's no one there.

What do you want, a green light?

Sit down and eat your food.

And shut up!

As I was telling you, when someone pushes you around,

and keeps pushing you around,

you keep getting pushed around

till you're not gonna be around to get pushed around.

Bravo! Bravo!

You're always right, boss.

Now, remember what I'm telling you.

Go to Detroit and get ahold of Dead Eye

and tell him to take it easy.

Or else it's going to be very hot.

Yeah, but listen, I think you're all wrong, Steve.

We're not gonna get anywhere with muscling anybody.

Things today are different than they were years ago.

Why can't you just be sweet?

"Can't you just be sweet?"

I don't want to be sweet!

I want to be the way I always was. Miserable.

I want to be like they say on television,

an ornery critter.

Now, you go out there,

and remember what I'm telling you.

You get ahold of Dead Eye

and you kick a hole in his chest.

You knock his brains out, you bite his jugular vein.

And remember one thing! No violence!

Here's a kid with an honest face.

Tell me. Am I right or are they right?

There, you see? I'm right!

That's what I like. A kid that's got class.

I'm telling you, Esther, if we don't get a room,

I'm getting the first plane back to New York in the morning.

I'm completely exhausted.

You and your bright ideas.

I don't blame you, Dottie.

But it wasn't my fault

that they didn't receive the telegram, was it?

Look, Dottie, I have an idea.

That old boyfriend of mine, Bob Clayton?

He's a bell captain here.

I bet he can find accommodations for us.

You just relax and I'll be back in a minute. Okay?

Stanley!

I couldn't care less about your problems.

I've got a--

I've got a very responsible position here.

I'm in charge of all of the transportation

for this whole hotel.

Yes, I know, but--

Look, I don't give a darn!

Now, we're going to work this thing out.

Now, look, either you do it the way I say--

Or you can come over here and we'll try to straighten it out

as well as we possibly can, sir.

Yes, sir. Thank you very much.

Mr. Novack, about this call--

Now, look, Bob, never mind about that.

This is more important. Now, listen to me.

We will be held responsible for the actions of your boys.

And at all times, you are to see to it

that they conduct themselves in a manner

befitting a man wearing the uniform

of the Fontainebleau Corps.

Is that clear? Mr. Novack, you can count on me.

I'll keep those guys out of those strip joints

if it's the last thing I do. Good.

And now, friends and folks,

we're glad to present those terrific fellas, The Novelites.

Howdy, neighbors. Doggone, it's sure good to be here.

I've got a surprise for you.

I brought a couple of kinfolk I want you to meet.

On my right, first of all,

here's my old happy cousin, Smiley McCoy.

Come on out there, Smiley Boy.

Doggone, it's sure good to see you again,

you little maverick, you.

Doggone, I want to say one thing,

you're looking mighty fine there this morning, Smiley Boy.

Do me a little bit of favor here, will you.

Take yourself a step forward.

These are nice people sitting out here.

Don't be afraid of them.

Go ahead, take yourself a little step forward.

Tell you what to do, Smiley--

Take yourself a great big old step forward,

and you give the folks out here--

Oh, God.

All I want you to do is take yourself a step forward.

That ain't too much, is it?

Take yourself a little bitty step forward,

and you give the folks over there

one of your Arthur Murray smiles.

You seem impressed.

We're gonna kind of feature Zeke on the guitar.

He's gonna take ahold of that guitar and twang it.

He gonna grab that guitar and gonna twang it.

Why, seconds. As a matter of fact,

he's gonna take a hold of that little old guitar,

he's gonna kind of clank-clank a little for you.

Matter of fact,

he gonna twang-twang a little bit!

I'll tell you something, neighbors.

He's gonna grab hold of that guitar

down there to see the whole way,

back over, twist it up, tune it up,

and gonna kind of clang-clang, twangy-twang it for you.

He's gonna twangy-twang-twang a little bit for you!

Look, I'm talking--

Look we're trying to move on.

What's the matter with you? I'm trying for these people.

He's gonna grab that guitar

and gonna twang-flick-flock it for you.

He's gonna twang-flick-flock...

There you go. Now, neighbors, I think we're about set.

We're gonna do a little song here for ya'll

entitled "The Alabama Jubilee."

- You about ready there, cousin? - Yeah, ready here.

You ought to see Deacon Jones how he rattles the bones ♪

Old Parson Brown how he dances around ♪

Old Aunt Jemima, who's past 93 ♪

Shouting, "I'm full of pep, ♪

Now, watch your step, watch your step" ♪

One-legged Joe danced around on a toe ♪

Threw away his crutch and hollered, "Let her go!" ♪

Because it's hail, hail the gang's all here ♪

For the Alabama Jubilee ♪

Because it's hail, hail the gang's all here ♪

For the Alabama Jubi Alabama Jubi ♪

Alabama Jubilee ♪

And here's the little gal you've all been waiting for,

Rock Candy.

Mr. Sedley, I can't tell you how upset I am about this.

You're upset? I've got to go back to New York.

I have to do a TV show.

Now, now, now, relax, Mr. Sedley, relax.

Relax, my eye.

I'm going to find out who did this terrible thing to me.

He has ruined my entire career.

You can sit here, son.

It's okay. Sit here. I'm through.

Hi, Stanley.

Hey, gang! Hey, gang!

There's a crazy guy having lunch down at the bottom of the pool!

Come on, take a look!

Front boy.

Stanley, see that steamer trunk down there?

Go down there and get me--

Stanley, you never let me finish what I'm going to say.

Now, if you had listened, you would have found

that I did not want the steamer trunk, Stanley.

I wanted what was on the steamer trunk.

Now, if you'd listened and waited, Stanley,

you would've found out that I wanted the hatbox

that was sitting on the steamer trunk.

Of course, you dashed away

before you gave me a chance to explain.

Now, go back, put the steamer trunk back,

and get me the hatbox that is sitting on--

Stanley! That is sitting on the steamer trunk.

All right, go-- Stanley!

Thank you, Stanley.

Would you like a bite?

Oh, this is delicious.

Greatest apples in the world.

Only one place to get these apples.

You go down here, make a left...

Sure you don't...?

Just wonderful.

But Mother, I've been here almost six weeks.

And all I've been able to do so far

is go to the movies, and alone.

Or just sit around the pool.

What, Mother?

No, I keep telling you,

there just aren't any nice young people

I would like to go out with.

They're either after my money

or they just want to drive my Rolls-Royce.

So until I find a nice, quiet, unassuming someone

who's only interested in me and not my millions,

I'll have to go to the movies.

Because remember, Mother,

movies are your best entertainment.

Give my best to everyone in Australia.

All right, Mother, be well.

And I'll call you again in ten minutes.

Goodbye.

Where were you when I needed you?

Get your hand off the bag!

Mr. Winters! Am I to understand

that the suite for Mr. and Mrs. Manville isn't ready yet?

- I'm sorry, Mr. Novack-- - Never mind. Where are they?

Right over there, sir.

Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Manville, I can't tell you how sorry I am

that the suite wasn't ready when you arrived today.

Oh, that's perfectly all right, Mr. Novack.

We understand, but we won't for long.

Speak for yourself, darling.

I'm anxious to get to the room

and open my presents.