Original subtitles

EYCH One, two! One, two, three, four!

Wow! A Big City movie theater!

Back home, the theater only had one screen,

and an owl infestation.

This'll be a nice change of pace

for our family movie night!

Yaayy!

Huh? Kiss of Death?

Coool!

-Next, please. -Hey, there.

We'll take four tickets for--

Hey, give me a million tickets for Kiss of Death!

I'll pay with all my jelly beans!

Kiss of Death?

Yeah! I only just saw the poster,

but I think it's about an undead rebel

on a quest for vengeance.

He leaves a trail of carnage and destruction in his path!

It's perfect for a manly dude like me!

Sounds inappropriate.

Besides, we've already decided to go see Croblins 2!

Golly gee! Croblins 2!

Aw, come on, Dad!

Croblins is for babies!

I want to be treated like an adult,

and you want to take me to a movie about pixies

singin' songs and eatin' candy!

I'm a man now.

I'm basically the patriarch of this family,

-after Gramma. -Smart boy.

I just don't think you're mature enough

for a movie like Kiss of Death.

Besides, in Croblins, sometimes they throw in jokes only adults get.

That's just as good!

Plus, it'll probably have a dance party at the end.

You love dance parties, Cricket!

Heh heh, yeah, I sure do.

I mean, that sounds dumb!

You're still a kid.

You don't need to be in such a rush to grow up.

So who's ready for Croblins?!

Croblins! Croblins!

-Croblins! -Mmm!

Since we're here a little early,

I'll go grab us some popcorn.

Meet you in the theater.

I'll go save us some seats before the good ones get taken.

It'll be dog-eat-dog in there!

-Aah! -Aah!

Well, I'm gonna go explorin'!

Ha! Heyah!

Whoo!

- What the-- ?

Oh, man, just look at all these little kids.

Of course they're all goin' to see Croblins!

Take a photo of me, Mommy!

Oh, so precious!

Croblins!

Toot, toot, bajoo!

Croblin wants to hug you!

Oh, I'll give ya a hug!

I love you, cardboard Croblin.

Ooh!

Listen, Croblin, I don't like you!

I love bein' silly!

Well, I don't wanna see a silly movie!

I love all the babies in the world!

Yeah? Well, I'm not a baby!

I'm a mature adult who does mature things!

Hey, what are you doing?

Uh, he started it, officer.

'Sup?

Wow! Teenagers!

Love the way you trashed that Croblin.

That was very fire.

We hate Croblins.

Like, literally.

Right? They're the worst!

They're all like, "Toot, toot, bajoo!"

Good one, dude.

Thanks. So is your dad also makin' you see Croblins?

I don't listen to my dad.

We're seein' Kiss of Death.

Hey! That's the movie I want to see!

Uh, I mean, that's the movie I am seein'.

Can I sit with you guys?

Sure, man.

Hey, can I scope that sweet Croblins impression again?

Oh, you mean this one?

Ooh! I love hugs!

-Oh, wow. -That's good.

Watchin' this movie with some teens

will definitely up my maturity game.

Exploring!

Exploring!

Explor--

Oh, hello.

Do you need some 3-D glasses?

3-D glasses?

That's right!

"See a whole new dimension."

Huh! A whole new dimens--

Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aaaaah!

Kid, are you okay?

This new dimension is so similar,

yet so different.

You know they only work when you're watching the movie, right?

In this dimension, this must be some kind of hat!

This takes my explorin' up a notch.

"Best Popcorn in the Galaxy"?

Don't mind if I do.

-Next. -One large popcorn, please.

Comin' right up.

You know, popcorn is one of my favorite foods.

Fascinating.

Uch! This popcorn is cold and stale!

This bucket says "Best Popcorn in the Galaxy."

Yeah. It's just like a bunch of words on a bucket.

What?! No, son. It's a promise.

And, by golly, I'm gonna make sure it's an honest one.

Uh, sir? Sir!

Now, I gotta find the best seats.

Aha!

Time to take what's mine!

Excuse me, young man.

I'm tryin' to find some seats,

but my eyes just aren't what they used to be.

Well, how many seats do you need?

Well, one for me,

one for my son, my doctor, and my priest,

because, well, you just never know.

Uh, you know what?

Why don't you take our seats?

Oh, my!

What a nice young man.

Thank you!

Heh! Suckers.

All right, Kiss of Death, here we come!

Hey, folks, welcome to Kiss of Death.

Please have your tickets ready.

Ticket!

There you go.

--Bless you.

Hey, wait a minute.

Curse my good manners!

Sorry, kid. I can't let you in without a ticket.

Oh, I think I just misplaced it is all.

You guys go get seats,

and I'll get this sorted out.

How does that sound?

That sounds...

...cool.

Okay, great, see you guys in a minute.

All right, partner, I think we both know

I'm tryin' to sneak into this movie.

But I'm very mature for my age,

and I think you should consider lettin' me in.

I do like your straightforward honesty,

but I can't let you in without a ticket.

Completely understand.

I'll be on my way now, good sir.

He really was mature for his age.

-Aaah! I wanna see the movie! -Hey!

It's not fair!

Fine. I'll just find another way in.

Aha! I'm comin' for you, Kiss of Death!

Hey, stop! Security!

A new dimension!

The paradigm shifts before my very eyes.

The land is lush and fertile.

Let's see how the food is.

Oh, my gosh. I had no idea you were sentient.

This must be the power reactor.

Keep up the good work, Mr. Engineer!

Huh? Aah!

The key to great popcorn is the right ingredients.

Like a nice cob of home-grown Montgomery Reserve.

You just carry that around with you?

Oh, never leave home without one.

- Add a little salt.

Take a whiff.

Smell the difference?

Huh. I-- I can smell the difference!

Ya see? Soon, you'll be makin'

the Best Popcorn in the Galaxy.

Ahh! Best seats in the house.

Hey! That seat's taken!

-Scram! -Ohh!

-Nuh-uh! -Aah!

Grr!

-Aah! -Aah!

Heh. Piece of cake.

Huh?

Oh, boy, best seat in the house.

You might be a bit harder to toss.

Aw, shoot! A dead end!

Hey, kid, come outta there!

Oh, man, oh, man!

Time to come out, kiddo!

Nnn!

Oh, geez, there's gotta be another way into the theater!

I can't believe it!

-It's right there! -Aha! Found you!

- Aah! - -Yes! You found me!

I am new to this world.

We are discoverin' each other.

You are a beautiful creature.

Okay, time to go.

Take me to your leader!

Thank you, Tilly.

Yaah! Ooh!

Hey, guys!

You're just in time, dude.

The movie's about to start.

Ooh, boy!

Sounds like she's about done.

Wow! I've never seen such a perfect yield!

What are you waitin' for? Try some!

--Whoa! Are you okay?

This is the best popcorn I've ever tasted!

From now on, I will work to maintain

the high standard of popping corn

we've set here today!

I'm proud of you, son.

Excuse me! Can I get my popcorn now?

My movie starts in five minutes!

Of course. With this new technique,

I'll have your popcorn ready in about an hour!

-I'm missing the previews! -What about my popcorn?

What have you done?

Oh, uh, quality over quantity?

Get his popcorn!

Aah!

Back, creatures!

Get away from my alternate dimension Papa!

Come on, Tilly!

After that popcorn!

Back! Back, you animals!

Popcorn!

Ooh! That was close!

Thanks, Tilly.

You're welcome, alt-Papa.

But now I must return to my own dimension.

Tell alt-Tilly I said hi.

Uh, okay.

Take care of yourself, alt-Papa.

Oh, hi, Papa.

Let's go. Our movie's about to start.

Tilly, sometimes you make me worry.

Hey, fella, you're in my seat!

Who do you think you are?!

Uh, as you can clearly see,

I am the Number One Croblin Fan.

I was bein' rhetorical!

Now get outta that seat!

I'm savin' it for the family!

Get out!

Hey, Ma, we made it!

Finally!

This dullard took one of my seats!

Oh, it's fine, Ma.

Let's enjoy the movie.

Popcorn, sweetie?

-Mmmm! -This tastes great, Papa.

Some people have near-death experiences.

But I think I got closer to death

than any girl in the whole world.

Ooh, this is gonna be good!

I know what you are!

You're dead!

Ooh! Skeleton monsters! All right!

But even though you're dead,

you'll always live in my heart.

Uh, ha! Nice fake-out.

That skeleton's gonna rip her apart any second now.

It's getting cold.

Thanks.

Uh, what is goin' on here?

Are you guys enjoyin' this?

Guys?

Hmm. Well, I'm sure

we'll get to somethin' exciting soon.

Where's all the car chasin'

and the explosions and the--

No!

No, no! Oh, no!

No, no, no no no!

I love you.

Mmm!

No! Aah! What is happening?!

Guys, what the heck kind of movie is this?!

Aaah! I gotta get outta here!

-Hey, watch out! -Hey!

Ooh!

-Hmm? -Hmm?

Aaah!

Hey, where's Cricket?

He should have been here by now.

Aaah! Ooh!

Guys, I found you! Oh, it was awful!

They kept touchin' and smoochin'.

Then I turned to my side and they were smoochin'!

I don't wanna grow up and have to smooch skeletons!

Oof!

This is why I hate kids!

You little scamp.

You got rid of him!

Boy, don't ever grow up.

I don't plan on it.

I don't plan on it.

And now for our feature presentation,

Groblins 2!

Toot, toot, bajoo!

That's comedy!

Gens Ahh! Quittin' time!

Another day, another free scone!

Hey, for the last time,

those aren't free.

Whah-ahh...

Well, at least dinner at home is free.

So, Gloria, what you doin' after work?

I've got some guests coming over to stay at my apartment

through Sharebnb.

Sharing bees? Why would you do that? I hate bees!

What? Of course you wouldn't know what that is.

Sharebnb is a service

where you rent out your home to guests,

and in exchange, they pay you money.

Wait a second! I'd like to have money,

and I live in a house!

Now that you mention it,

your house would be perfect for Sharebnb.

Then all we have to do is give 'em a bed

and make 'em breakfast,

and then the money just rolls in!

It's so easy! We gotta do it!

Hold on just a minute, Cricket.

Money never just "rolls in."

Eh? Bread roll?

You get it?

Boo!

Come on, Dad.

Gloria set it all up for me.

It's easy money.

Well, I do appreciate your initiative,

but my point is money never just comes in easy.

You have to work hard for it.

This is different, Dad!

The house does all the work for you

just by bein' a house!

Sounds fun.

I can make them somethin' fancy for breakfast,

- like cereal.

All right, but only if you promise

to see this commitment through no matter what.

Yeah, yeah, I got it.

I don't know. Seems complicated.

Don't worry, Gramma. It'll be a piece of cake.

Oh, come on!

Ooh, I can get one of those and one of those,

and six of those.

Mr. Clang Clang!

--They're here!

The cash cows!

Well, hello there.

Hi! Welcome to the Green residence! Aah!

-Hi, I'm Justin! -And I'm Val!

-And I'm Justin! -And I'm Val!

Wow! Just wow!

You guys have got the most authentic house!

Wow! Just look at that porch!

It's so distressed and authentic!

Listen to that creaking!

Oh! When we saw your house on Sharebnb,

- we just had to see it in real life.

And, boy, does it deliver.

Just to be clear, you will be paying us to stay here?

Oh, yes.

-Cool. -Mmm!

I-- I mean, come on inside.

I'll get you situated.

I can't wait!

It's so charming!

It sure is!

I think you'll really enjoy your stay!

And you thought this would be hard.

There's the living room.

Love it!

Hallway-- floor, ceiling, wall.

So authentic!

Just make sure you stay out of my way.

Wow! A real country gramma!

What a trip!

And here we are.

Hey, where'd the other one go?

Here, boy!

And here we are.

The Bill Green Suite.

-Ahh! -Ooh!

My room? Really?

Guess it does make the most sense.

A little warnin' would have been nice.

'Scuse me. I just need to grab this.

Ha ha! Whoopsies!

Make yourselves at home.

All right, Dad, let's get out of their room.

They need to catch up on their sleep.

But it's the middle of the day!

Good night!

Well, that's that.

Time to sit back, relax,

and let the money roll in.

So... what's the plan for today?

-The itinerary? -The schedule?

Well, I was gonna watch TV.

Kind of thought you'd stay in your room until breakfast.

We'd like to do a bunch of fun farmy things.

Like collect eggs.

Milk a cow.

Wash a pig!

What?! Those are all just chores!

Sounds good to me.

You are gonna work hard to please your guests, right?

Yes, Dad!

Fine. Let's go do chores.

-Yay! -Yay!

-Ooh! -Ooh!

Aah! Ooh!

Aaah!

--Whoa oh oh oh!

Well, we did every chore twice.

There's nothing left to do.

There must be something more we can do.

Come on, small boy.

Can't you think of just one more thing?

You know, we could

- go on a good, old-fashioned possum hunt. - -Possum hunt?!

Look! There goes a real and not-at-all-fake possum now!

Yeah! Hurry up now!

Go, go go! It's gettin' away!

Here, possum, possum!

I'm gonna get ya!

Yeah, got 'em.

Hey, Cricket. How's hostin' goin'?

Great. We're all takin' a break.

You said you'd do this thing,

and, by golly, you're doin' it.

I'm real proud of you, son.

I'm proud of me, too, Dad.

Phew! Time to take a well-deserved nap.

What the...

Cricket! We've got new roommates!

What?!

Little boy, you sure know how to entertain.

Aah!

How'd you guys escape?! I mean...

We never saw the possum,

but the chase was exhilarating!

Also, we switched rooms!

This one is just so much more authentic than the other one.

- What does that even mean?!

I love this room!

- What's this ladder made of?

Is that wood? Is that real wood?

-What is that made of? -It's wood!

Listen, I'm sorry to say, but I have had enough of--

Snack time!

Sorry to interrupt, but I'm just so dang proud of you.

You're lettin' 'em stay in your room?

That's mighty generous of you, Cricket.

Yes, it is, isn't it?

Come on, kids. You can bunk with me.

It'll be fun.

Grabbin' a nighttime cookie.

How does Dad sleep on this?

The gentle curve of a hammock

is so much better for the lower back.

You're more authentic!

No, you're more authentic!

-No, you are! -No, you are!

You are!

I just wanted to let you know,

we love it here so much,

we're extending our stay to a whole week.

Oh, wow.

Yaaay!

Aah!

I haven't slept that well in ages.

Aah! Tilly!

Sorry, Cricket.

I didn't see you there.

Are you okay?

Ugh! I slept like garbage.

Oh, Tilly, I don't know what to do.

I barely made it through one day with these folks.

But if I kick 'em out, it just proves Dad right.

It'd be great if they decided to leave on their own.

Tilly, that's it!

We'll make them want to leave!

Then the money will be easy,

and Dad will have to eat his words.

Yeah, that might be tough,

seein' as how they love our country-ness,

and we can't help but be country.

Or can we?

Tilly, let's get citified!

Thanks for the city tips, Gloria.

I am so proud of you two

for wanting to become cultured urban sophisticates.

What's that now? No, no, no.

We wanted to learn to be annoying city people.

That's why I thought of... you.

Uh-huh.

Get outta here!

Let's do brunch!

You taught me that!

Val, you're doing it wrong.

No way! I watched way more tutorial videos than you!

'Sup?

'Sup?

'Sup?

All right, amigos, let's get this thing started.

Did they just become... hip?

He looks just like Kyle.

Co-op Kyle or DJ Kyle?

All right, if you could just keep it down,

we're about to start our book club discussion.

Surely you've read Mr. Pickle Leaves the Jar?

The symbolism was very symbolic.

Yeah, no, no, no.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah, no no no no,

yeah yeah yeah yeah.

But, like, if we wanted a book club,

we could have just hung out with DJ Kyle and co-op Kyle.

-Yeah. Yeah. -Yeah. Yeah.

-Yeah. Yeah. -Yeah. Yeah.

Well, how about some yoga?

It makes you, like, real bendy.

Deep breath, and...

...shrub pose.

And one and two and three and four!

Baby turtle. Baby turtle.

And now pigeon pose.

Uh, yoga doesn't seem very country.

Well, this isn't the country.

It's the big city, sistas.

Now it's time for the city's newest dance craze!

-Thunkin'! -Spin me, brother!

--Yaaa-aaah-aaah!

Hey, sounds like fun in--

Huh?

-No! -The authenticity!

It's gone!

How fast do you think we can pack our bags?

Aw! You're leavin'?!

So soon?!

Mmm!

Well, it's been great havin' ya.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

Can I speak to you in the kitchen, son?

Heh heh heh...

What the heck is goin' on with you?

Shoot straight with me, boy.

Are you intentionally tryin' to drive your guests away?

Mmm! Fine! Ya got me!

I thought this would be easy,

but I had to work so hard for these guests

and their tireless enthusiasm!

Well, yeah! It's work!

And work is hard!

I just wanted to see you follow through on one thing.

Okay, Dad, for you, I'll do it.

I'll work hard to fix this,

but then I'm never workin' hard again!

Uh, well, no, I reall--

If they love country, we'll give 'em

the most country night of their lives!

Ha! Well, that's the spirit.

-Hurry up! -Let's get out of here!

Val! Justin! Don't leave yet!

You'll miss the hoedown!

-Hoedown?! -Hoedown?!

Howdy, y'all.

Mightn't I interest y'all

in some of our washtub punch?

Yer just in time!

Start 'er up, Tilly!

I don't know how I let y'all talk me into this.

They're trying too hard, right?

It is so not authentic anymore.

It's fake and stereotypical.

Yeah, and kind of offensive.

Huh. Maybe we went too far.

I guess nobody back home really acts like that.

Those hipsters paid you, right?

Uh, I think so.

We set it up on Gloria's phone,

so it's, like, somewhere in the Internet?

$100?!

Yes!

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