Original subtitles

DISN ( whistling )

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Read 'em and weep. Ah ha ha!

Ma, for the last time, we're playin' Go Fish.

Shut up and give me money.

Hey, guys, hey, guys, hey, guys, hey, guys, hey, guys, hey, guys.

- I can't wait to show you what I bought. - Bought?

Yeah. I made ten bucks by tacklin' a bird.

- What does that even mean? - Just listen.

So there I was, workin' at the cafe

to pay back my destruction debt,

doin' a real good job, when all of a sudden,

I noticed two best friends bein' harassed by an intruder.

Oh, my gosh, Terry, do something!

Bein' a professional, I knew just how to tackle the problem.

Get your gross face outta here, bird.

Be gone, sky rat.

And I was met with a pleasant surprise.

Tiny boy, you saved our brunch,

and our lives. Thank you so much.

Terry, oh, my gosh, give him a tip already!

Whillikers! Ten dollars!

I thought about openin' a savings account,

but instead, I bought this.

♪ ♪

♪ Make you a wish ♪

♪ Look out, it's a singin' fish ♪

♪ Barry Cuda ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Barry Cuda ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Barry Cuda, Barry Cuda ♪

♪ Barry Cuda ♪

[laughs] A fish that can sing.

That's comedy.

His name's Barry Cuda. Get it?

Yeah, great, son.

Speakin' of fish, wanna come play Go Fish with--

I love you so much, Barry Cuda.

You're the first thing I ever bought all by myself.

I'll never let anything bad happen to you.

Well, I guess you're occupied.

Tilly, you got any fours?

- [Barry Cuda music plays loudly] - What was that, Papa?

I said do you got any fours?

Were you talkin' to me?

No, he was talkin' to-- What?

[loudly] I said do you got any--

Okay, you know what? I'm gonna go...

- [Gramma and Tilly muttering] - [music stops]

Aw, it makes me so sad when you stop.

That's why I'm never gonna let ya.

[music resumes]

Just a couple more careful swipes,

and you'll be a majestic stag.

- [music blares] - Oh!

We are gathered here today to join together

Phoenix and Cynthia Chicken.

If there is any reason these two should not be wed,

- speak now or-- - [music blares]

♪ ♪

Oh, brother.

Ah!

[music continues]

Ooh, nature calls, Barry.

I'll be just a minute.

No peekin'.

♪ ♪

[humming]

- [music stops] - Hm? Barry?

Hey, Barry, why'd you stop singin'... [shrieks]

Barry!

Barry, hang on.

Cricket, what's goin' on?

There was an accident,

and Barry, he ain't breathin'.

Well, I don't think he was ever breathin' to begin with.

That doesn't matter now, 'cause he's gone.

[music resumes]

Barry! Oh, Barry, I thought you were a goner

after that accident.

Wait a second.

This was no accident.

One of you tried to murder Barry.

- Cricket, come on. - What, Cricket?

I don't know how, I don't know why.

Seriously, why?

But I'm gonna find out.

Remy, thanks for comin' over.

You're the only one I can trust.

Someone's tryin' to kill Barry,

and we're gonna find out who.

[yawns loudly]

Not sure how much help I'll be.

I'm never up this late. Feels kinda dangerous.

You have no idea.

I know this must be awkward,

you bein' my old best friend,

bein' asked to watch my new best friend.

I was your old best friend?!

Yeah, yeah, listen, Remy.

I need you to watch Barry while I catch the perp.

Sure, Cricket. No problem.

So do you have any promising leads?

Oh, I have leads, all right, Remy, and I'll tell you what.

Things are about to get real serious.

[snoring]

[music plays]

- ♪ Ooh, Barry Cuda ♪ - ♪ Barry Cuda ♪

Saxon, one day, I hope to have a mustache

- as distinguished as yours. - [door bangs open]

That day's gonna have to be in jail!

Cover the door, Remy.

Literally?

[yawns] On it.

Hi, Cricket. What's goin' on?

I'll tell you what's goin' on.

We're bringin' you in for the attempted murder

of Barry Cuda.

You think I had it in for Barry?

What makes you think that?

Well, I'm glad you asked.

Let me spell it out for you, sis.

You fancy yourself a singer.

- I do? - Pretty good, too.

- Oh, thank you. - Until...

Barry burst onto the scene,

and with the voice of an angel, he stole the spotlight.

Not taking kindly to bein' upstaged,

you plotted to squish the fish.

With an axe!

What do you have to say for yourself?

I fear the yarn you spin

threatens to unravel the fabric of your own sanity.

Aha! So you confess.

Let's bring her to jail, Remy.

- [sighs] - Remy!

Remy, where's Barry?

Huh? Oh, he must've slipped out of my sleepy little fingers.

- [smoke alarm beeps] - Also, something's burning.

It's comin' from the kitchen.

What's goin' on?

♪ ♪

Barry, hang on. I gotcha!

[screams]

Barry!

It's true what they say.

Those who burn brightest burn fastest.

Oh, Cricket, I'm so sorry.

- [music resumes] - It's still alive! - Barry, you're okay!

It's all right.

It doesn't need to stay in.

But if this happened when we were interrogatin' Tilly,

that means she must be innocent.

The plot, it bethickens.

Welcome back to Conspiracy News,

where we tell you the truth, or do we?

Hello, Gramma.

Hello, Gramma. Wait a second. You're not my gramma.

What's the matter with you?

Ain't you ever heard of knockin'?

I don't know. Have you ever heard of

why'd you try to kill my fish?!

Try to? If I wanted to kill somethin',

it'd be dead.

What makes you think I did this?

Two weeks ago, family movie night.

We were watchin' that scary movie.

It was horrifying, and you came to realize

how terrified you are of fish.

[shrieks]

And so, you snuck in to Tilly's room,

knocked out Remy.

Sh. Go to sleep now.

Stole Barry, and fried him up.

And then you did one of those maniacal laughs.

[laughs maniacally]

Have you lost your gol-durn mind?

She's not denyin' it. Remy, arrest her.

Sorry, ma'am. May I arrest you?

Not unless you want me to bite your ear off.

No! Wait, which one?

- Your favorite one. - No!

Cricket, you ain't presented a lick of evidence

that I murdered Bobby what's-his-name.

You ain't got nothin' on me.

Dang it. If it wasn't you, then who was it?

Who's doin' this?

- Cricket, it's time for bed. - You!

- Huh? - I know you did it.

What are you talkin' about?

You and Barry used to be old fishin' buddies.

[Dad] How does that even make sense?

When I became his new buddy, you got jealous.

[growls]

You prepared a dark sacrifice,

wept bitterly,

then completed the sacrifice,

and as he burned, you punched him.

You were tryin' to fry him up, you monster!

Cricket, you need to settle down.

You're goin' a bit wild. I didn't burn Barry.

I want you to look Barry in his melted eyes,

and say that. Remy!

- [snoring] - Remy!

Oh, geez, I did it again.

Remy, where's... huh?

[Barry singing in distance]

Barry! I thought for sure

someone was tryin' to kill ya again.

[screams]

[distorted music plays]

[gasps]

You're okay!

But if Tilly is innocent,

and it couldn't have been Gramma or Dad, then...

who did this to you?

Everyone seems innocent.

How do we catch who did this?

Hmmm. Wait a minute.

I'm startin' to suspect it might've been you, Remy.

Oh, my goodness. Was it me?

I must've done it in my sleep.

Of course. It all makes sense.

I'm a sleep killer!

Nah, never mind. You're too soft to be a killer.

Oh. Then who did it?

I don't know, but I'm about to find out.

[music plays]

We're gonna use the fish as bait.

Mmm. Sounds good.

- Dad? - Oh, Barry.

Still singin'.

Dad, get out of the way.

I'm waitin' for the murderer to show up.

What's that now, Barry?

You want an axe in your head?

Well, allow me!

Barry! It was Dad all along.

Oh, no. The zipper's stuck.

Remy, help me out.

Darn that boy's early bedtime.

Bill, stop.

I want a piece of this action.

Gramma was in on it, too?

Here's Tilly.

- Do it, Tilly! - Tilly, all right!

It was everyone?

Let's finish this... together.

No!! Don't!

Cricket? Uh...

It's not what it looks like.

How could you?

How could all of you?

- Cricket... - It was not my intention...

Look, we know you love Barry, but he was just--

But it was so annoyin'!

He drove us crazy.

To the point of murder.

Wait. You guys all hated him?

It wasn't hate so much as a deep and abidin' loathing.

[music plays weakly]

We're really sorry, son.

We just...

[all gasping]

What the... What happened?

- What happened to the fish? - Barry. Is he...

He's dead.

- Cricket! - It wasn't us. - We promise.

I know. I did it.

I killed Barry.

I loved Barry.

He was the first thing I ever got to buy

with my own money, But I love you guys more.

and I can't put a price on that.

Hey, wait a second.

How'd you, um... kill Barry?

I just took the batteries out.

- Oh. - Right. - The batteries.

♪ Barry Cuda ♪

♪ Barry Cuda Ooh ♪

What? It's a catchy tune.

-[Bill] Cricket? Cricket! -[snorting] Huh?

[grumbles]

[Tilly] Cricket! Papa's calling you!

-[Cricket] What?! -[Bill] Tell Gramma we're makin' waffles!

[Cricket] I think she's asleep!

[Bill] Well, then quiet down!

You're gonna wake her up!

[cat yowls]

Ooh! Finally.

A nice, quiet moment to enjoy my tea.

[Tilly] ♪ La la la la ♪

♪ Mud animals, makin' mud animals ♪

♪ La la la la la ♪

Havin' fun, Saxon?

Tilly! Mud bomb fight!

[both grunting]

Grrr!

Welcome back to...

Guess How Many!?

the show where contestants have to guess

how many things are in another thing!

Todd here just has to guess

how many marbles are in the fishbowl.

The clock starts now.

-[clock ticking] -Ha! Okay, well,

it's definitely more than 12, but less than a million?

Oh, geez, I don't know!

He'll never get it. He's weak!

Two, four, six, eight--

[host] No counting!

[imitating airplane and gunfire]

Tilly! Get out of the way!

Gramma's tryin' to watch her shows!

If Dirtbag's ever gonna become a fighter pilot,

he has to log more flight hours!

[imitates airplane]

[yowls]

Tilly, get down from there!

Okay, Papa.

'Cause I've got to get up there to fix that bulb.

Bill Green, you get off there right now!

Now, get, boy! Get!

[Cricket] Hey! Has anyone seen my spider?

I'm lookin' for my lost spider.

Come on, little buddy, don't you want to join your friends?

Aha! [straining]

Boy, you better move your little heiney outta my TV screen!

Ah! Aah! Dang it, Bill!

Oops! Sorry, Ma!

Hidin' behind the plugs, huh?

-Nice try spider! -[host] And the answer is...

That's it!

[yowls]

Ever since you moved in,

I haven't had a lick of peace with all your shoutin'

and messin' and bein' in my way!

Sorry, Ma!

I can see how the three of us movin' in

has been a lot to get used to.

It's like you need a break from us or somethin'.

A break?

I'll pack your bags!

Bags?

Ha! [muttering]

Ma, would you be so kind as to tell us

what the heck you're doin'?

I'm kickin' you out of my house for the night.

I booked you a reservation

in the Comfy Suites Hotel around the corner,

so I can finally get you rugrats outta my hair!

We get to stay in a hotel tonight?

Well, that sounds real nice.

We'll get to have our own staycation.

-All right! -Whoo!

[both] Staycation!

[chanting] Stay-cation! Stay-cation!

Stay-cation!

Stay-cation! Stay-cation!

Enough!

Time to go!

All right, Ma, see you tomorrow.

-If you get lonely or anything... -Ha!

you know where to find us.

[door creaks]

Ahh! Finally some peace and quiet.

Stayin' at a hotel's a big deal, kids.

They got people to do everything for ya.

Wow.

[shouting] Thank you, sir!

Pretty fancy.

Welcome to Comfy Suites,

where you'll always feel comfy

and never grumfy. [laughs]

Kids, laugh.

[forced laughter]

[laughing hysterically]

[under his breath] Cricket! That's enough!

Here's your room key, Mr. Green.

Ooh! And be sure to take a complimentary mint.

Complimentary. What's that mean?

It means they'll look good with your outfit.

It also means they're free, silly.

-Free?! -Free?!

[gobbling]

Ahem! Actually, only taking one is customary.

What's that now?

Ugh! I hope he didn't bring bedbugs with him.

Shush it, Logan.

We cannot afford any more bad customer reviews.

Here's a list of all the hotel's complimentary amenities.

A complimentary list of complimentary stuff.

I think I know what we'll be doin' today.

Now with some peace and quiet,

I've finally been able to finish my needlepoint.

Ooh, that's nice.

Hmm. Oh, I've gotten a little soft since the family moved in.

Gotta tighten up!

Welcome to Camp Calisthenics, maggots!

Now move! Move! Move!

Block! Lunge!

Lunge! Twist the knife!

Add a wheel kick!

Haaah!

-Now you! -Whaa!

Huh? What the-- ?

Stop now!

Aah! Dang it, Cricket!

I said Cricket come get your dang spiders!

Oh, that's right, he's gone.

Everyone's gone.

And I'm all the better for it!

Now I'm goin' to the bathroom with the door open.

Wow! The life of luxury.

You kids doin' all right?

-Doin' great. -Oh, yeah!

Now that we have all this complimentary ice,

you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

Complimentary swimsuits, then hello, Polar Bear Club.

Oh, you know me so well.

Ahh! Some of my famous stew should calm my nerves.

[slurps]

Mmm, needs salt.

Now, where did that salt run off to?

Ohh! There it is!

Puttin' the salt where I can't get it.

Bill, get in here and--

Oh, right.

No matter.

I actually prefer to

[straining] get it myself.

Huh?

What are you starin' at?

What's the matter?

You never seen a grown woman talk to herself?

Lots of folks talk to themselves when they're lonely.

Uh, I mean alone!

How am I supposed to get anything done

when I got you starin' at me?!

[Bill] Would you look at all these pamphlets?

I feel like I really am at the botanical gardens.

Now I don't even have to go.

I would like to use your complimentary curlin' iron,

and then a complimentary straightening iron...

-[groans] -...to straighten my complimentary curls.

Ahh. I'll have everything sent to your room.

Oh, Logan, did you forget to tell our nice guests

about our new complimentary pancake bar?!

[both] Pancake bar! Yay!

Breakfast for dinner!

-Whoo! -Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Baah! Ooh!

Dang automatic doors are messin' up my entrance.

-Bill! -Huh?! [stammers] Ma?

Pack your bags! You're goin' home!

-What's wrong? -You see this?

Yes, that's Tilly's. Hello, Saxon.

Ma, what's this about?

All your stuff keeps gettin' in my way!

So I need you and the kids to come home

and clean up your junk.

But, Ma, you're the one who wanted peace and quiet.

Wouldn't us comin' home ruin all that?

Well, yes, but what about him?

Ma, I'm puttin' my foot down.

We're stayin' here and giving you what you asked for,

a night of peace and quiet.

We'll see you tomorrow.

But-- But--

[both] Bye, Gramma!

Have fun by yourself in that big ol' empty house!

[Tilly] All alone! Just like you wanted!

[TV host] And the amount of marbles in that shoe is--

Wow! Just one! What a lonely number!

No other marbles. How sad!

Such a lonely marble.

Alone! Alone! So alone!

Mmm!

[humming]

Ahem! Excuse me, young lady.

There's a rowdy country family on the third floor,

and, as a guest here, they're ruinin' my stay!

You should kick 'em out!

[chuckling] Oh!

I'm sorry, but anyone can stay here

and do just about anything.

[shudders]

Anyhoo, we'd only send guests home

if there was something truly awful like a rodent infestation,

which would never happen.

An infestation, huh?

Gimme all the rats you've got!

Sorry, all outta rats.

[ominous music playing]

[belches]

Got a special on hamsters.

Gimme all the hamsters you've got!

[squeaking]

Hyah!

Hyuh-uh!

Ha ha! This ought to do the trick.

[squeaking]

I'll trade ya two soaps for two lobby magazines.

That's a no-brainer. Done and done.

-[squeaking] -Huh? What?!

What the-- ?!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Oh, my!

What the-- ? Rats?!

[laughing]

[knock on door]

The complimentary pens you requested.

-Huh? -Well, hi, mister.

Uh, you came at a weird time.

-What?! -[squeaking]

Oh, my gosh!

[beeping]

You brought rats with you?!

This-- This is not a pet-friendly hotel!

Yes! It's working perfectly.

Papa, they're not rats.

They're hamsters.

Well, whatever they are, we didn't bring 'em.

What kind of hotel is this?

I'm afraid I need to ask for our money back.

Okay, please don't do that.

I am so sorry about this.

I had no idea it was the hotel's fault.

How about I, um...

give you an upgrade to a better room

and an extra night's stay?

Complimentary?

What is happening?

You think you can buy our silence?

'Cause you can!

Oh, good. Very good.

I'll be back with hotel keys to your new room.

Wow! We get to stay an extra night!

An extra night?!

Ma?! What are you doin' out there?

Get in here!

Wait a sec.

Did you fill our room with hamsters?

It's not even my birthday.

Seriously, Ma, it's not even Tilly's birthday.

What's gotten into you?

All right, all right.

I'm sorry I dumped a bunch of hamsters into your room.

I was tryin' to infest the hotel

so they'd send you home.

-But why? -'Cause I missed ya, that's why!

I thought I was happier before the family moved in,

but the truth is, it was lonely and quiet,

and I'd rather not go back to that.

I'm glad you're livin' with me now.

Will you come home?

-Nope. -What?

Heartless!

We're gettin' a free upgraded hotel suite.

We're not goin' home.

But, Ma, we'd love it if you'd join us.

That'd be wonderful.

Good. Now get in here.

You're makin' me nervous.

[Cricket] Hey, Gramma, you want a complimentary hamster?

[Gramma] No, boy, I brought them here.

You're welcome.

DISN

♪ Lost a bet and got Bit by a hundred flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big ol' tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch And scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by a dog ♪

♪ Bit by a frog Got a rash on my leg ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters At seven and ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow I'll do it all again ♪