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THE SIMPSONS #UABF20
"The King of Nice"
Closed captioned
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{\an8}Don't bubbeleh me, boychik.
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00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:16,599
{\an8}Entertaining the kids at
Kelly Clarkson's housewarming.
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00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:19,561
{\an8}It's not my fault you lost
all your money on NFTs--
5
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:21,855
{\an8}non-funny TV shows.
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00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:24,607
{\an8}Now get to work,
you're behind on your Cameos.
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00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:28,319
{\an8}Hey, hey, Jacob!
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00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:31,614
{\an8}Your dad's super-sad he couldn't
make it to your bar mitzvah.
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{\an8}It's a real shonda.
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00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:37,162
{\an8}Also, all the best
from Dad's new wife, Shonda.
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00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:42,876
{\an8}Oh...
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00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,755
{\an8}Thank you so much
for doing this, Krusty.
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00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,465
{\an8}Kelly really appreciates it.
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00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,967
{\an8}And the children are all
huge fans. Right, kids?
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00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:53,845
{\an8}- Mm-hmm.
- Totally.
- Yeah, we love you, Crisco.
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00:00:57,140 --> 00:01:00,602
{\an8}Oh, what's that Kelly Clarkson
got that I don't?
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00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:03,855
{\an8}We all won singing contests
20 years ago.
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00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:07,275
{\an8}Oh, where's my infinity toilet?
19
00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:10,487
{\an8}Oh, that toilet isn't
from American Idol money.
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00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,364
{\an8}You're looking
at daytime-syndicated
21
00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:13,365
{\an8}talk show wealth.
22
00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:14,949
{\an8}See those mega mansions?
23
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{\an8}Well, they belong to
the superstars of daytime TV:
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00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:19,579
{\an8}- Rachael Ray, Wendy Williams,
- Hey, hey. Hey, hey.
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00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,373
{\an8}and that jerk Doctor Phil.
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{\an8}All bought and paid for
with syndicated megabucks.
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{\an8}I see something in you, Krusty.
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{\an8}Oh, I was gonna put it back.
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{\an8}You have daytime chops.
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{\an8}There's always a place on TV
for a Regis--
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{\an8}a cranky but lovable,
sexless grandpa.
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{\an8}Yeah, and what makes you
the expert?
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{\an8}Here's the real test.
Get that mom squad dancing.
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{\an8}Daytime audiences love to dance.
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Forget it, lady.
I still got my dignity.
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Hey, wait.
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Mm...
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Hey, hey, Bryson!
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Your mom wanted me
to congratulate you on...
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getting your braces tightened.
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00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,288
Make up a rap about it?
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Look, fine, I'll dance.
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♪ Apple bottom jeans,
boots with the fur ♪
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With the fur ♪
45
00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:14,926
♪ The whole club
was lookin' at her ♪
46
00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,761
- She hit the floor ♪
- She hit the floor ♪
47
00:02:16,761 --> 00:02:18,388
Next thing you know ♪
48
00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:22,142
♪ Shawty got low, low, low,
low, low, low, low ♪
49
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:25,437
♪ Them baggy sweat pants and
the Reeboks with the straps. ♪
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What's taking so long?
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All this food I can't eat
is taunting me.
52
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I read that grain-free
is supposed to be good.
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Or was it grain-full?
54
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Mom, can we get a gecko?
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I want a guinea pig.
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How about both in one cage,
and see what happens?
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{\an8}- No, no, no.
- Yeah, please, mom?
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{\an8}- Please, come on,
a gecko and a guinea pig.
- No! Why would we...
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Marge, honestly, is this
how you pictured your life?
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I think not.
61
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,142
Yes, I lick my behind.
Big surprise.
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00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:06,227
Excuse me, would you
like to come participate
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00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:07,687
in a focus group?
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00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:10,357
Yes, anything but this.
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Just pick a food.
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00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:14,694
Oh...
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00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:20,367
We want to know what you want
in your daytime programming.
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00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:23,119
There are no wrong answers
and no bad ideas.
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00:03:23,119 --> 00:03:25,497
In that case, recipes.
70
00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:26,706
Sure.
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00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,334
Air-fryer recipes.
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00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,005
Celebrities come on the show?
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00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,507
Well, yes, obviously, but...
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Put it on the board, then.
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00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,511
Uh, I was thinking...
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Something with vacuums.
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Shiny coat or liver support?
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00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,272
Why are they doing this to us?
79
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:54,943
- Hats?
- What about hats, Helen?
80
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:57,195
Maybe...
81
00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:59,614
babies wearing hats?
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00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:02,450
And it's a whole
baby hat fashion show?
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00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,035
- Exactly. Exactly.
- Oh, yeah, there you go.
- Ooh.
84
00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:05,704
That's not bad.
85
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,956
And you know how
there are just too many
86
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:10,041
dog food options these days?
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00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:13,211
What if you brought out
Instagram dogs
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00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,380
and had them do a taste test?
89
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,382
Wow!
Well, that's really good.
90
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:18,925
What other ideas do you have?
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00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:21,052
Candle unboxing and sniffing.
92
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:24,431
Celebrities read nice tweets
about other celebrities.
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00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,891
Unexpected jack-o'-lanterns.
94
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,893
Funny bed-making fails.
95
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,061
And...
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00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:33,690
tweens explain TikToks
to carpool moms.
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00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:34,983
Eh?
98
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,570
You're a natural.
You've got nice ideas
99
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,447
coming out the wazoo.
100
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:43,241
You know, I'm in the market
for a new segment producer.
101
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:44,617
You are?
102
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:45,952
Will you excuse me for a second?
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00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,537
Jerry, you're fired.
104
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,998
I'm... I'm free.
105
00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:53,293
Segment producer?
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00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,878
I don't know.
I-I should probably
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00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:57,672
talk it over with my family.
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00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:04,679
I'll take the job.
109
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,265
Be warned, segment producer.
110
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:10,268
No one makes it out of these
shows unchanged.
111
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:13,688
Oh, well, then it's a good thing
I'm not much of a changer.
112
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,274
You can keep your job
or you can keep your soul,
113
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:17,609
but you can't keep both.
114
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:20,153
Also, when you
turn in your receipts,
115
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,989
break them down
between dining and mileage
116
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,575
or you'll await
the reimbursements...
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00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:26,868
forever!
118
00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:35,335
So this is behind the scenes
of a TV show.
119
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,504
So much hustle.
120
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,130
And bustle.
121
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,052
Mm... mm.
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00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:46,680
This is your desk.
123
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:50,016
And this is where you can pin
all your genius segment ideas.
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00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,018
With five shows a week,
it's very important
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00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,396
that you always
be thinking up segments.
126
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:55,647
A daytime talk show without
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00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:58,358
fun and interesting segments
is like a...
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00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,360
You, finish my metaphor.
129
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,861
Uh, um...
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00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:04,280
Get me a baked potato
131
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,741
so I can throw it at your head.
132
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,827
Now!
133
00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:11,871
Okay, I'll leave you to it.
134
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,127
Oh, I-I don't need
to order lunch.
135
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:20,505
My kids packed mine as a
special treat for my first day.
136
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,424
Aw.
137
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,679
Hmm. Maybe I will
take a look at that menu.
138
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:31,182
Can I order you something, um...
What-what's your name?
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00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,351
Uh, to make it simpler
for the producers,
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00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:34,936
we're-we're all named Jordan.
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00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,026
I should've ordered some salad
142
00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:44,446
to go with my salad toppings.
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00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:48,158
Mm.
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00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,039
Oh.
145
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,460
What the hell is this?
146
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,503
You people
didn't write me any jokes.
147
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,881
You don't need jokes.
The women in our audience
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00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:05,008
are just happy
to be out of the house.
149
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:07,886
They want to dance to
clean versions of Pitbull songs
150
00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:11,348
and go home with a free copy
of a Real Housewives memoir.
151
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,433
Your only job is just be nice.
152
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,727
It's all about nice.
153
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:18,396
Did you just make eye contact
with the host?
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00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:19,898
No, I would never!
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00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,734
- Aah!
- Oh!
156
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:26,446
Ladies and gay friends,
I'm MC Hairbone,
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00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:29,157
the funkiest daytime DJ
in the world.
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00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:31,659
Get on your feet for your
newest, non-threatening-est
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00:07:31,659 --> 00:07:34,204
king of late morning
or early afternoon
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00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:36,664
depending on your
local market and time zone:
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00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:38,583
Krusty!
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♪ Apple bottom jeans,
boots with the fur ♪
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With the fur ♪
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00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:45,298
♪ The whole club
was lookin' at her ♪
165
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,592
- She hit the floor ♪
- She hit the floor ♪
166
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,636
♪ Next thing you know,
shawty got low, low ♪
167
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,597
♪ Low, low, low,
low, low, low ♪
168
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:56,101
♪ Them baggy sweat pants and
the Reeboks with the straps ♪
169
00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:58,144
- With the straps ♪
- She turned around and gave ♪
170
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,355
That big booty a slap. ♪
171
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,649
Look at this.
172
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:05,276
I already got
a wardrobe malfunction.
173
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,155
That's the kind of joke we get.
174
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,368
- Ah.
- ♪ ♪
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00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:18,206
Oh, my God,
this is my first segment.
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00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:21,001
I hope people like it, Jordan.
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00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,211
Look at this guy.
He's saying,
178
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:26,089
"I'm gonna wrangle me up a nap."
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00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,926
These are my people.
180
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:32,721
And they're raising the roof
for my idea.
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00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:35,849
Can you believe
we get paid for this?
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00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,475
We don't.
183
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:42,480
{\an8}Bart, you're taking this
really well.
184
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,566
I'd have thought
you'd be hatching some scheme
185
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:46,401
to get the old Krusty show back.
186
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:47,777
Why would I do that?
187
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:50,155
I've got my favorite Krusty
episodes right here.
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00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,240
More than 700 of 'em.
189
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,952
Hm, kind of makes you think.
190
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:58,413
Once you have enough episodes
of any classic show,
191
00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:00,415
why do you need
to keep making more?
192
00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,417
Well, the reason is...
193
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,002
Shh.
Watching classic Krusty.
194
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,883
Oh, it's just so easy.
195
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,676
I don't
have to be funny anymore.
196
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,094
I just have to be nice.
197
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:15,638
It's the greatest grift
I've ever done.
198
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:19,309
I'm gonna go buy some cars.
199
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:22,103
- Mm...
- You did a great job
today, Marge.
200
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:25,190
You know, we women have to
stick together in this business.
201
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:27,192
But I also want you
to never quite be sure
202
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:28,902
where you stand with me,
and just have
203
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:32,072
a general sense of unease
about my intentions.
204
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,698
Does that make sense?
205
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:35,241
I think so.
206
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,534
Great.
207
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,036
Okay, everybody,
conference room.
208
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:39,704
Pitch meeting for tomorrow.
209
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:40,997
You, plaid shirt.
210
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,041
Not you.
Plaid shirt, tall. Yeah.
211
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:44,668
Bring the binder
of dinner menus.
212
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:46,711
- Let me talk to 'em ♪
- Come on ♪
213
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:49,047
-♪ Shawty had them
Apple Bottom jeans ♪
- Jeans ♪
214
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:51,883
- Boots with the fur ♪
- With the fur ♪
215
00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:55,220
♪ The whole club
was lookin' at her ♪
216
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,513
- She hit the floor ♪
- She hit the floor ♪
217
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,848
Next thing you know, low ♪
218
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,767
♪ Hey, I ain't never seen
nothing that'll make me go ♪
219
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,644
♪ This crazy all night,
spending my dough ♪
220
00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,396
♪ Had a million-dollar vibe
and a body to go ♪
221
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:07,023
♪ Them birthday cakes, they
stole the show, so sexual ♪
222
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,483
♪ She was flexible,
professional ♪
223
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:10,235
Drinking X and O ♪
224
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:11,945
♪ Hold up wait a minute,
do I see ♪
225
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,322
- What I think I, whoa ♪
- Come on. ♪
226
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:18,284
Homie, I'm so sorry I'm late.
227
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:21,246
You would not believe
the day I had.
228
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:24,040
Oh, please, let's eat.
I'm starving.
229
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,084
Oh, but if the bill looks high,
it's because
230
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:28,628
I already ate a full meal here.
231
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:31,756
And then Krusty
didn't even tell us
232
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,758
he had swapped
the A and B blocks.
233
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,301
I'd already preset
the demo table
234
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:38,263
for my segment,
"popcorn maker wars."
235
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:39,931
So, then it's my fault
236
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,975
the "reuniting soldiers
and their dogs" segment
237
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,935
was such a disaster?
238
00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:46,771
Carla's the one who
turned on the popcorn machines.
239
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:49,149
And that's
Hair Department Carla?
240
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:52,110
No, Hair Department Carla
is blonde.
241
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:54,112
You know, my day
was pretty crazy, too.
242
00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:57,449
Lenny came in this morning
with a ladybug on his shirt,
243
00:10:57,449 --> 00:11:00,535
and we were seeing how long
before he noticed it.
244
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:03,121
Segment idea:
"Krusty goes blond."
245
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:06,958
Lenny made it
all the way to lunch
246
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:09,377
and then the little guy
just fell off on its own.
247
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:13,006
We called him Ladybug Lenny
248
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,799
for the rest of the day!
249
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,970
Ah, ladybugs.
250
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:21,181
Oh, I have to go back
to the office.
251
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,433
The viral skateboard grandma
we booked for tomorrow
252
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:26,061
has a history of racist tweets.
253
00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:30,648
Uh, Marge, I forgot my wallet.
254
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,070
Hmm.
255
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:39,032
No. Too edgy.
Too soft.
256
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,200
What is this, Corden?
257
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,326
Seen it.
258
00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,536
Not timely.
Too timely.
259
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,121
Way too soft.
260
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,706
What is this, Fallon?
261
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,708
"Good luck Mom, we love you."
262
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,168
I don't even get this.
263
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:52,379
Is that all you got?
264
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:54,964
Mm...
265
00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:59,969
Guys, I know I've been
a little stressed lately,
266
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:03,640
but it's so nice for us
to all sit down together.
267
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,685
It's okay, Mom.
You're doing your dream job.
268
00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:08,603
Yeah, we're proud of you, Mom.
269
00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:10,146
Now pass the index cards.
270
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:10,980
The what?
271
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,024
I'm hungry for segments.
272
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:14,859
Aah!
273
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,861
What's the matter,
Marge?
274
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,530
You haven't even touched
275
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:21,074
your steamed pushpins.
276
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:24,411
Aah!
277
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,803
Aah! Oh!
278
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:44,305
Eh?
279
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,104
Aah!
280
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,903
Mm. Mm...
281
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:00,447
Look alive, people.
The big boss
282
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,449
wants to see everyone
for a meeting.
283
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:05,785
Krusty's here? But we don't tape
for another eight minutes.
284
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,288
I just wanted to tell you
how grateful I am
285
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,789
for all your hard work.
286
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,791
I never knew
doing a television show
287
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,794
could require so little effort
on my part.
288
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:18,340
If anyone needs anything,
I'll be in my spray tan tent.
289
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:20,967
Thanks, Krusty.
You earned it.
290
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,803
Back to work. We need
50 branded segment ideas
291
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:27,182
for Menopause Chapstick and
something called Cereal Wine.
292
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,603
At this solemn and holy moment,
293
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:33,104
I baptize thee...
294
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,945
How are we supposed
to do surprise makeovers
295
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,322
on the mailmen you brought in?
296
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,324
Every one of them
is already gorgeous.
297
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,284
Shh!
298
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:49,913
Special thanks to
the Pre-K Pop and Lock Crew.
299
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:54,959
- That was great.
- It was fine.
300
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,419
I mean, look me in the eye
301
00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:59,297
and tell me where the GIF was.
Tell me.
302
00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:02,133
Uh, uh, uh, when
the little kid breakdanced.
303
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:03,760
Um, excuse me, Marge,
304
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,471
there seems to be an emergency
at your house.
305
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:09,516
What is so important
that you pulled me out of work?
306
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,601
Marge, there's no emergency.
307
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:13,978
Have a seat.
This is an intervention.
308
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:18,983
I missed the big reveal?
You said I had time.
309
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,860
Midge, go out and come back in.
310
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,321
Aw, nah, forget that.
Who's that even for?
311
00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:26,032
All right, all right,
intervention. And, uh, go.
312
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,326
If this is about
the melatonin gummies,
313
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:30,495
I can stop whenever I want.
314
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:31,955
No, Marge.
We're interventioning
315
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:33,873
you and your whole deal.
316
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,834
I never thought
I'd speak ill of TV,
317
00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:38,294
but I think it's destroying you.
318
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,214
PATTY and SELMA:
Mm-hmm.
319
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,882
Cut to commercial.
320
00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:49,848
Okay, let's make this quick.
Everybody say your little thing.
321
00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:51,808
We're just
worried about you, Marge.
322
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,519
Look, even your best friend
Luann is here.
323
00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,229
Best friend?
324
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,273
We haven't
had the conversation yet,
325
00:14:58,273 --> 00:15:00,233
but it's unspoken.
326
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,360
Mom, we want to be supportive
of your dreams,
327
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,363
but you just don't
seem to be enjoying it anymore.
328
00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:07,866
Oh, I'm sorry.
329
00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:10,035
Sorry that
you're all so threatened
330
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:12,370
by a powerful, successful woman.
331
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:15,749
Lisa, as a feminist, you should
be ashamed of yourself.
332
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:18,376
Really?
Just this week the show's done
333
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:20,879
"sext your way
out of traffic school"
334
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:24,591
and debuted a new daily segment
called "trends in cleavage."
335
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,927
When's this show on again?
336
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,095
Mm?
337
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:34,601
{\an8}The Internet's on fire
about our story
338
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:37,604
{\an8}exposing the toxic
work environment at Krusty.
339
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:40,357
- Inexcusable.
- I heard they made
all the interns
340
00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:42,484
convert to Judaism
and work on Christmas,
341
00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:44,778
then convert back
and work on Passover.
342
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,738
Mm-hmm.
343
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:48,782
This is a disaster.
344
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:51,743
We can finish
this dumb thing later.
345
00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:54,954
Hmm. So, um,
what's the move here?
346
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,956
Well, is there anything else
we can work on?
347
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,208
Hey Homer, how's the drinking?
348
00:15:58,208 --> 00:15:59,751
Same.
349
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,927
What the hell is this?
350
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:11,846
For the first time in my life,
I'm not responsible
351
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:15,266
for a toxic work environment.
I'm barely ever here.
352
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:17,560
Physically,
and certainly not mentally.
353
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,062
Don't worry, Krusty.
354
00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:21,690
I'm going to find whoever said
it's terrible to work here
355
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:24,901
and personally bully them until
their hair falls out in clumps.
356
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:27,904
But what you need now
is a redemption episode.
357
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:30,699
And I know I speak
for the entire staff when I say
358
00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:33,451
we're willing to pull an
all-nighter to make it happen.
359
00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:37,455
Aah!
360
00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:39,958
Yeah, and you'll write me
one of those apologies
361
00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:41,793
where it sounds like I'm sorry
but I'm not actually
362
00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:43,920
taking the blame for anything?
363
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,131
I've done hundreds of these.
It's actually a template
364
00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:47,799
in the software we use.
365
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:50,969
Uh, what else?
366
00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:53,304
Bart, you got to be addicted
to something by now.
367
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:54,681
None of your business.
368
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,474
Fair enough.
369
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,476
Shawty had them ♪
370
00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:01,646
- Apple Bottom jeans ♪
- Jeans ♪
371
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:04,149
Boots with the fur ♪
372
00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:06,568
With the fur. ♪
373
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,695
I was devastated
to learn that our show
374
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:11,823
has become
a toxic work environment.
375
00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:14,451
Well, even though
I knew absolutely nothing
376
00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:17,996
about what was going on,
the buck stops with me.
377
00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:21,499
And I promise you, I'm going
to take some time to listen,
378
00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:25,378
learn, not touch, and listen.
379
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:29,632
What the hell is this?!
380
00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:31,509
How am I supposed
to do the salad shake
381
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:34,012
if it's not
in its original container?
382
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,555
Aah!
383
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,851
Oh, my God.
384
00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:41,853
What have I become?
385
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:51,029
I was completely unaware
of the following policies:
386
00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:52,697
if employees see me in my car,
387
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,699
they must lower
imaginary sunglasses
388
00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:56,868
as if impressed and aroused.
389
00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:59,037
Krusty, you don't
need to do this.
390
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:01,122
The world
needs to know the truth.
391
00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:03,917
It's the system of daytime TV
that's toxic.
392
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,877
It's turned us all into monsters
393
00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:07,712
fueled by stress, gaslighting,
394
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:10,340
and $15 kale Caesar salads.
395
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:12,801
The pressure to crank out
so much nice
396
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:15,053
brings out the worst in us.
397
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:18,181
We just wanted to bring
more nice in the world.
398
00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:20,308
More nice.
399
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,102
Okay, new speech.
400
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,687
This non-apology apology
401
00:18:23,687 --> 00:18:26,106
just became a real apology.
402
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,399
This place isn't toxic
403
00:18:27,399 --> 00:18:29,859
because of whoever this lady is
404
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:32,112
or "the system."
405
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:34,531
It's toxic because of me.
406
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:36,574
I'm a showbiz monster.
407
00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:38,410
I'm not nice.
408
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:40,495
So I'm stepping away
from the show...
409
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:42,080
forever.
410
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,540
Wha?
411
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:46,418
Krusty. Krusty,
you don't have to do this.
412
00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:48,044
It's not your fault.
413
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,255
Look, lady, I couldn't
agree with you more.
414
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:52,924
Everyone who works here
except me is nuts.
415
00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:56,052
I just quit because I closed
the deal for a new gig
416
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:58,096
which makes
daytime talk show money
417
00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:00,265
look like late night
talk show money.
418
00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:02,600
TV judge syndication money.
419
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:03,935
A judge?
420
00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:07,355
Judge Judy is the richest
TV star in the world.
421
00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,607
So I'm gonna be Judge Krusty.
422
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:12,485
I can let my body go,
just sit on my keister
423
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,946
and speak truth
to stupid all day.
424
00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:18,408
All right, I got to go
work on my humiliation quips.
425
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,201
You ever do any bailiffing?
426
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:21,244
Some.
427
00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:22,954
No more show?
428
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,000
I'm... I'm free.
429
00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,503
Oh come on,
why would you do that?
430
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,714
Sorry, Pat, sorry, sorry.
431
00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:35,342
Oh, come on.
432
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:36,593
Don't sneeze on my robe
433
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:38,678
and tell me I'm in a car wash.
434
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,680
Did you fall out
of the stupid tree
435
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,515
and land in the idiot mulch?
436
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,392
His quips could use some work.
437
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:46,144
Mulch.
438
00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:48,480
Do you ever miss
working in TV, Mom?
439
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,649
There was at least a week there
where you seemed to enjoy it.
440
00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:54,194
Sure, it was
rewarding at first.
441
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,488
But this experience
has made me realize
442
00:19:56,488 --> 00:20:00,450
my real dream job
is producing this family.
443
00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:01,993
And now, as a consultant,
444
00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:04,454
I get the best of both worlds.
445
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,999
Marge, it's Drew.
I need your help.
446
00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:10,377
I got no A block for tomorrow.
447
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,128
Let me see...
448
00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:13,963
Have you seen the viral grandpa?
449
00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,174
The one who raises baby ducks?
450
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:20,053
Yes, I'm thinking
surprise spa day for him.
451
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:22,597
And an extreme pond makeover
for the ducks.
452
00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:25,850
Oh, Marge, are you sure
you won't come work for me?
453
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:27,477
That's very sweet, Drew,
454
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:30,021
but my daytime days are over.
455
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,442
Oh...
456
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,320
I'll be in touch.
457
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,322
{\an8}Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
458
00:20:39,322 --> 00:20:41,324
{\an8}and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
459
00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:43,284
{\an8}and TOYOTA.
460
00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:44,369
{\an8}Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
461
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:50,834
{\an8}Here at Segments, we believe
462
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:53,712
{\an8}there is life after daytime.
463
00:20:53,712 --> 00:20:56,214
{\an8}Our patients have suffered
indescribable trauma
464
00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:59,300
{\an8}from TV hosts
perpetuating the cycle of abuse
465
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,011
{\an8}handed down since the days
466
00:21:01,011 --> 00:21:03,221
{\an8}of The Mike Douglas Show.
467
00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:05,849
{\an8}We treat all aspects of PTSD--
468
00:21:05,849 --> 00:21:07,600
{\an8}post talk show disorder--
469
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,227
{\an8}compulsive fake laughter,
470
00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:11,229
{\an8}guest cancellation
night terrors,
471
00:21:11,229 --> 00:21:12,939
{\an8}long haul Kelly Ripas...
472
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:15,066
{\an8}Lindsey, who are you talking to?
473
00:21:15,066 --> 00:21:16,276
{\an8}The audience.
474
00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:17,861
{\an8}I'm warming up the audience.
475
00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:19,571
{\an8}It's all on the teleprompter!
476
00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:22,032
{\an8}Why don't you just put this on
477
00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:23,575
{\an8}for a "who wore it best"
segment?
478
00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:26,327
{\an8}Mm!
479
00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:31,750
Shh!
35310
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