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{\an8}So, all in favor
of the city of Springfield
2
00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,904
{\an8}no longer celebrating
Columbus Day
3
00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:33,283
{\an8}due to the problematic behavior
of Christopher Columbus?
4
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:34,325
{\an8}Aye.
5
00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:36,703
{\an8}All opposed?
6
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,956
{\an8}Now I'll hand it over to
the terrifyingly engaged citizen
7
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,168
{\an8}who has had her hand up
since before the meeting began,
8
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:44,961
{\an8}Helen Lovejoy.
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00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,215
{\an8}I've noticed lately that people
have been putting up
10
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,885
{\an8}quite a few little DIY
free libraries
11
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,136
{\an8}all over town.
12
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,638
{\an8}What's DIY stand for?
13
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:56,890
{\an8}Do it yourself.
14
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,309
{\an8}I'm trying to but I can't.
15
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:02,437
{\an8}Just this past week,
six new ones popped up.
16
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,230
Hallelujah!
17
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,815
{\an8}Think about the consequences, people.
18
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,150
{\an8}Free books?
19
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,985
{\an8}What if one of them
is the Kama Sutra?
20
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,613
{\an8}That's just bait
for learned perverts.
21
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:15,158
{\an8}There is no classical art
without the erotic.
22
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:17,285
{\an8}- Ew.
- You and me
got to hang sometime.
23
00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:19,329
{\an8}I like those little libraries.
24
00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:20,830
{\an8}Unlike the public school library,
25
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,249
{\an8}these have books
written after 1945.
26
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,168
{\an8}The children think Iceland
is still a kingdom.
27
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:27,837
{\an8}Oh, these abominations
don't follow the rules
28
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,714
{\an8}of my neighborhood association.
29
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,676
{\an8}What if someone paints it
an unauthorized shade of white?
30
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:34,636
{\an8}Like Swiss coffee.
31
00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:38,807
{\an8}Homer Simpson here.
32
00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:41,851
{\an8}Today I'm standing, even
in the presence of a chair,
33
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,853
{\an8}to say what if we took
34
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,689
{\an8}all the little free book huts
35
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:48,358
{\an8}and moved them
into one big building
36
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,402
{\an8}open to everybody?
37
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:54,197
Do you mean like... a library?
38
00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:00,453
- He's so slow.
- Nothing upstairs.
39
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,580
- Aw, what a dummy.
- Idiota.
40
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:06,209
Am I really a stupid man?
41
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,586
I... Well, uh...
42
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,131
Sorry, reflections can't talk.
Got to go.
43
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:18,722
You guys say ideas
all the time.
44
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:21,141
The one time I say one
they shoot me down,
45
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,476
just like they shot down
the Titanic.
46
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,687
Actually, the Titanic...
47
00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:27,772
Face it, Marge,
48
00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,566
you're married to a dummy.
49
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:33,069
No, a dum-dum.
50
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,865
Oh, this big, beautiful head
is full of great ideas
51
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,908
just waiting to be set free.
52
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,244
I might be okay
if you do that
53
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:43,121
for the rest of my life.
54
00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:46,041
I know just the place that will
make you feel better.
55
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,253
Did you see how
the credit card thing
56
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,672
at the ticket booth
told me to remove my card,
57
00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,257
like I didn't know
how to do it?
58
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:58,011
Then it got stuck 'cause
I didn't know how to do it.
59
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,679
Let's just go home.
60
00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:02,265
We haven't even
seen any animals yet.
61
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:05,352
So? Even the animals
will think I'm dumb.
62
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,395
Oh, don't be silly.
63
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,816
That's just the sound
hyenas make.
64
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:17,614
Slow Leonard?
65
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,783
I've always loved
that tortoise.
66
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:22,869
I can't believe
Leonard is still alive.
67
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,871
The mighty tortoise.
68
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,957
Dumber than me.
Loser to the hare.
69
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,669
The tortoise famously
wins that race.
70
00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:32,962
Really?
I only read the beginning
71
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,798
of that story really fast.
72
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,758
Then I got tired
and took a nap.
73
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,426
I don't see any tortoise.
74
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:44,307
Excuse me, do you know
what happened to Leonard?
75
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,476
Leonard? Huh.
I don't see him.
76
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:49,062
That's weird. Well,
the thing about a tortoise is
77
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,397
they're always somewhere.
78
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:53,066
He must have gotten out.
Who's in charge here?
79
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,527
I am the director of the zoo.
80
00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:56,820
Would you like a koala sticker?
81
00:03:56,820 --> 00:04:00,240
Yes, I would.
Slow Leonard is missing.
82
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,325
Now, let's not panic, sir.
83
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,327
I don't see him either,
but I'm sure
84
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:05,745
there's some explanation.
85
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:06,955
We'll look into it.
86
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,164
Look into it?
87
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,667
I know when I'm being
talked down to.
88
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,169
- You think I'm dumb,
don't you?
- No,
89
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:16,089
I don't, but do you
have a degree in zoology?
90
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,509
No, but I've seen
the comedy classic Zookeeper
91
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,469
- 19 times.
- I love that movie.
92
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,179
I don’t need your approval,
93
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,515
and neither does
Sylvester Stallone,
94
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:29,644
as the voice of Joe,
the African lion.
95
00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:31,438
A tortoise is missing,
96
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,440
and this dumb guy
97
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,276
is gonna find him.
98
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:43,825
There we go.
A recent picture.
99
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:47,454
Mom, it's late, I'm worried.
100
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:50,123
Why isn't Dad at Moe's?
Is Moe all right?
101
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,959
He's fine. Your dad's
been looking for clues
102
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:55,211
in those zoo pictures
all night.
103
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:59,174
Come on, buddy, you're
smart enough to crack this.
104
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:01,051
Dolly tire tracks.
105
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:03,720
I bet someone used a dolly
to cart Leonard off.
106
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:07,015
And those treads are clearly
from a Haul-Pro convertible
107
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:09,726
with a weight cap
of 500 pounds.
108
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:12,187
Wow, Dad, how did you
figure that out?
109
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,481
Eh, yep, well,
your dad knows
110
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:17,567
a thing or two about dollies.
111
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:20,445
Drive safe, ya bum.
112
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,448
I think you'll find
these photos
113
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:27,327
more than enough proof to open
a missing turtle investigation.
114
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,703
Wow, Homer, you're right.
115
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,331
These photos are
incredible evidence.
116
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,917
- Really?
- Evidence of how dumb you are.
117
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:36,169
I just love it when
regular people think
118
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,879
they can solve crimes.
119
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:40,590
It's like a dog thinking
he can mow the lawn.
120
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,260
- Aw.
- Look at...
121
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,553
Hey.
122
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:49,265
No one takes me seriously.
123
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,851
You know, there's a lot
of specific interest groups
124
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,019
on Facelook.
125
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,896
I'm in one about
knitting mug cozies
126
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:57,399
with a little window so you can
read the funny message
127
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,733
on the mug.
128
00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:01,111
Why don't you check
to see if there's a group
129
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,696
about Leonard's case?
130
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:06,449
Social media?
Is that website still on?
131
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:09,285
Hey, there is a missing
tortoise group here.
132
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,705
It's called Lost Leonard!
133
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,873
But what if they say
I'm stupid
134
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,583
or drag me in the comments?
135
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,752
Do you know how scary it is
in this climate
136
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,170
to be a dumb white man?
137
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:20,964
You care about that turtle.
138
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,299
I think you'll feel better
if you try.
139
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,760
The police don't believe me,
140
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:28,555
but I'm posting some photos
that I think prove
141
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,516
that Slow Leonard
has been kidnapped.
142
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:38,231
Dad, they're agreeing
with you.
143
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,233
They think Leonard
was stolen, too.
144
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,860
Really? Oh, my God.
145
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,611
{\an8}A group of anonymous
cyber sleuths
146
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:44,946
{\an8}don't think I'm an idiot.
147
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,656
They like what I said.
148
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:50,410
That tickles.
149
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,287
The Internet thinks I'm smart.
150
00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,502
Okay, this is Homer S.
live streaming
151
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,171
to the Lost Leonard
Facelook group
152
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,798
from the scene of the crime.
Are we all on?
153
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,346
How convenient.
154
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,348
They're replacing Leonard
with a much more
155
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,974
Instagrammable animal.
156
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,685
One that can fit
into baby clothes.
157
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,271
Maybe we have our motive.
158
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,523
- Of course.
- Brilliant.
159
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:23,151
Thanks, guys.
I do what I can,
160
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,861
which is a lot.
161
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,780
Look at this, dream team.
162
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:30,033
A video doorbell
across the street from the zoo.
163
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:32,202
How convenient.
164
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:34,621
{\an8}Oh. It's actually
very convenient.
165
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,541
Simpson, what can
I do for you?
166
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:41,211
For us. I don't know if you've
heard the terrible news
167
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,213
that Slow Leonard
has been kidnapped.
168
00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:45,048
What?! Not Leonard.
169
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:47,092
Why couldn't they have taken
one of those damn
170
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:49,094
barking seals instead?
171
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:53,098
When do you monsters sleep?!
172
00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:55,433
I'm a member of a team
of cyber sleuths
173
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:56,685
searching for Leonard.
174
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,770
Can we look at your
door camera footage?
175
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:00,522
Oh, of course. And, um,
176
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,065
I'd love to join the group.
177
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,359
But, uh, you guys
probably already have,
178
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:06,236
uh, a superintendent.
179
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:09,614
We do now.
180
00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:11,533
Marge. Marge.
181
00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:14,744
Marge, fan out those
cocktail napkins.
182
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,122
Or did you not watch
the TikTok I sent you?
183
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:19,040
Calm down.
184
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,583
I've never seen you
this excited
185
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:21,876
for a meet and greet.
186
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,504
Yeah, so who's coming
to this thing again?
187
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,880
Internet randos?
188
00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:27,590
Let me tell you something, son.
189
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:30,677
Every human being
is born an Internet rando.
190
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,303
And then they stay
Internet randos
191
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,264
until they connect
over a cause.
192
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,266
And then and only then
do they achieve
193
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:40,437
their full potential
and become not random.
194
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,564
Dad, is that really...
195
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,441
Duh, yes. Paella.
196
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:47,068
What do you think all this
toasted saffron is for?
197
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:48,737
You've never
toasted us anything.
198
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,113
Not even toast.
199
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,198
I don't need to show off
for you, Marge.
200
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:53,742
You already bought the cow.
201
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:56,453
I finally have a group
of friends who think I'm smart.
202
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,455
Who haven't used
a skeptical emoji
203
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,749
with a monocle
even once with me.
204
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:02,751
They're here.
205
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,461
Keep stirring gently, slow.
206
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:07,130
Like stirring a baby.
207
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,424
Thanks for hosting, Homer.
208
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:11,801
I would have,
but my infinity pool broke.
209
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,470
Its edge is now finite.
210
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:16,473
I'm up to my eyeballs
in contractors and physicists.
211
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:20,352
Come in. Oh, you all look
so much like your avatars.
212
00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:23,271
I got paella, of course,
a big-screen TV
213
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:24,814
for viewing
surveillance footage,
214
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,024
an evidence board
215
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,859
and, of course,
yarn for connecting
216
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:30,362
our seemingly unrelated photos.
217
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:33,573
Um, is this genuine
Mrs. McClellan's Evidence Yarn?
218
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,908
Fancy.
219
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,410
Why, yes, it is.
Illuminati strength.
220
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:40,663
Nine out of ten scientists
are afraid of it.
221
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:46,294
I'd like to thank Homer
for this extraordinary paella.
222
00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:50,507
My mouth would swear
it is in Barcelona.
223
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,434
Hey, uh, uh,
not to go down a rabbit hole,
224
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,353
but this plot could go deep,
225
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:05,897
and the one person
we haven't looked at yet
226
00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:07,857
is the zoo director.
227
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,360
The zoo director. Um, Gil,
228
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:13,113
- isn't that a little desperate?
- Hold it.
229
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:16,074
There's one thing you need to
know about this paella party.
230
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,284
There are no bad ideas.
231
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,370
Nothing said here is stupid.
232
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:21,454
Mm-hmm.
233
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,456
- Mm...
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
234
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,125
Oh, then I want to say
I agree with Gil
235
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:28,461
about the zoo director.
We should board it.
236
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:31,214
Has anybody dug through
the tortoise scat yet?
237
00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:34,009
Maybe he was being used
as a drug mule.
238
00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:35,385
Board it.
239
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:38,888
Perhaps Leonard's seed
was required by scientists
240
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,932
who want to breed
slower horses.
241
00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:42,142
- Uh, board it!
- Board it!
242
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,561
Uh, h-hey...
243
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,229
how about that?
244
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:49,232
The yarn knows something
we're still figuring out.
245
00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,109
We're gonna find this turtle,
246
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:53,903
but damn it,
we found love along the way.
247
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:57,574
Oh, oh! What if the turtle
was taken by a billionaire
248
00:10:57,574 --> 00:11:00,326
to transfuse his blood
for longevity?
249
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:01,369
Board it.
250
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:02,871
Mom, are we worried
251
00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:06,624
this group is crossing into
the conspiracy theory zone?
252
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,586
Mmm, as long as he's got
a heavy hand with the saffron,
253
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:10,628
who cares?
254
00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,630
Well, these people are finally
255
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:14,549
taking your father seriously.
256
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:15,633
He's not used to that.
257
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,927
Bart, you're always
telling him
258
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,429
his ideas are dumb.
259
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,723
And, Lisa, you're always
proving it.
260
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,225
He deserves a chance
to be a big fish
261
00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:25,769
in a small, weird pond.
262
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,479
So let him have this.
263
00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:29,064
It's all harmless enough.
264
00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:30,732
So it's decided.
265
00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:33,735
We're protesting in front
of the zoo director's house.
266
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:37,405
I shall bring the milk
in case they tear gas us.
267
00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:38,823
Mm...
268
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,658
We can't be more emphatic,
269
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:43,078
we think Leonard's
in your attic.
270
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:44,829
Please stop these protests.
271
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:46,706
Why would I kidnap an animal?
272
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,124
That's what a zoo is:
273
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,001
a bunch of kidnapped animals.
274
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:52,671
It's the cops!
275
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,467
If you're gonna pepper spray me,
do it fast.
276
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,219
I don't have much
phone battery left.
277
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,472
Calm down, I'm not here
as Police Chief Wiggum.
278
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:05,141
I'm here as Clancy Wiggum,
a simple civilian
279
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,018
hungry for turtle justice.
280
00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:08,520
Justice you'll never get from
281
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,772
a cold, faceless
police department.
282
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,941
Uh-oh, body camera's on.
283
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:15,276
Don't worry, I can erase it
with a paper clip.
284
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,237
They, uh, they taught us how.
285
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,155
I need to say something
to a woman
286
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,949
I'm very much in love with.
287
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:22,992
Lizzie, before
this group started,
288
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:26,371
I was in a shell
of my own making.
289
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,831
Oh, my God.
290
00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:30,333
So I'm poking my head out
and asking
291
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,002
in front of our
new best friends,
292
00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:34,504
will you make me
the happiest man
293
00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:36,297
on this flat earth?
294
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,134
Yes, yes.
295
00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,844
I can't wait to spend
the rest of my life
296
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:43,013
taping together
shredded documents with you.
297
00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:45,515
- Hooray.
- Aw.
298
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:47,392
Sure, the wedding planning
is a lot of work,
299
00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:50,854
but the group is also learning
how to sweep for spyware
300
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,272
and pick locks.
301
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:55,775
That's why all our doorknobs
are in that basket.
302
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:59,654
Homie, I wonder
if your cabal's ideas
303
00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:01,906
are getting maybe a little
304
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,908
too far out of the box?
305
00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,368
Thank you, Marge.
306
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,786
You know what's inside boxes?
307
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,205
Styrofoam peanuts and lies.
308
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,332
And I'm tired of being fed both.
309
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,043
- The beauty
of this group is that
- Hmm?
310
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:15,211
- we always support each other.
There isn't one theory
- Hmm...
311
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,838
- about Leonard that's right.
- Mm.
312
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:19,382
They're all right.
He could be anywhere.
313
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,676
- Like the kitchen?
- Exactly.
314
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:25,972
{\an8}No, he's literally
in the kitchen.
315
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,724
Homer,
316
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:30,268
did you kidnap Leonard?
317
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:35,023
No, I didn't commit the crime.
318
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,858
I did something much worse.
319
00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,819
I solved it.
320
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:48,828
{\an8}Why the hell
is Slow Leonard in our house?
321
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:50,413
{\an8}Do I have to tell you?
322
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,582
{\an8}Can't we just accept this
as the new normal?
323
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:56,419
There's a 500-pound tortoise
chewing on my kitchen table.
324
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,088
It's not normal.
325
00:13:58,088 --> 00:14:00,090
Okay, here goes.
326
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,424
After our protest,
327
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,802
I went back
to the tortoise enclosure
328
00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:05,720
for one last look.
329
00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:07,889
Huh?
330
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:10,308
My doughnut hole!
331
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,728
Ooh, ooh! Aah! Ow, ow!
332
00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:15,522
Mm?
333
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,691
That's when I discovered
a doughnut hole
334
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,734
will always return
to its mother
335
00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,945
a larger hole.
336
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,906
Leonard. You weren't kidnapped.
337
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:27,075
You were right here all along.
338
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:30,286
Wait, so after following
all those crazy leads,
339
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:33,998
you found Leonard by going down
an actual rabbit hole?
340
00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:37,168
- Yeah, so?
- Don't you see the irony?
341
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:40,046
Oh, now I don't get it.
342
00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:41,339
Anyway...
343
00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:44,509
Guys, you'll never believe it,
but I found...
344
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:45,969
Just hold that thought.
345
00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:48,805
I made us all evidence
collection fanny packs.
346
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:52,142
Which we'll all wear
on the pedal bus pub crawl.
347
00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:53,560
Are you coming, Homer?
348
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,687
There's a guac trough
in the middle.
349
00:14:56,980 --> 00:15:00,066
If I told 'em I found him,
the group would end.
350
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,985
How could I let that happen?
351
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:06,072
Those friendless weirdos have
become my best weird friends.
352
00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:08,825
They're the only people
who don't say "Einstein"
353
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:11,327
after "great idea,"
or "Sherlock" after...
354
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,205
Oh, you have to
tell them the truth.
355
00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:16,583
Well, the truth
is different these days.
356
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,960
It's more of a hunch
you're willing to die for.
357
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:20,462
No, it's not!
358
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,672
But tomorrow Gil and
Miss Hoover are getting married
359
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:24,341
on Chem Trail Island,
360
00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:26,343
and we're all going to wear
matching head shields
361
00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:28,845
so that Bluetooth can't steal
winning lottery numbers
362
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:30,138
from our brains.
363
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:32,140
Homer, you solved the mystery.
364
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:35,310
This confederacy of nutsos
has gone too far.
365
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,395
You're all acting dumb.
366
00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:39,314
Dumb.
367
00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:41,024
You think I'm dumb, Marge?
368
00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:42,567
Just like everyone
at the library
369
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:45,362
and all the other smartypantseseseses
370
00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:46,988
in this town?
371
00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:49,949
Well, you can't shame me into
turning my back on my people.
372
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,786
I'm going to that
conspiracy-themed wedding.
373
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,371
And you're no longer
my plus-one,
374
00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:57,540
which is your loss
because I'm at a great table.
375
00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:01,211
Equidistant from the bar
and the bathroom.
376
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:04,255
I don't know any history ♪
377
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:08,718
It's all one big conspiracy ♪
378
00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:13,223
♪ I can't prove
there are science books ♪
379
00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:16,559
♪ Bunch of experts
spouting gobbledygook ♪
380
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:21,064
♪ All I know
is that I love you ♪
381
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:23,900
♪ And there's microchips
in Charleston Chews ♪
382
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:28,363
The virus was caused by 5G. ♪
383
00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:32,909
To the bride and groom,
who, in uncovering
384
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,411
a turtle-stealing plot,
385
00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:37,414
also uncovered an undying love.
386
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:39,207
Aw.
387
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,834
Yeah, I, too, have a toast.
388
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:43,378
To us bringing to justice
the zoo director,
389
00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:45,171
who knows where that turtle is.
390
00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:47,257
Who's got ideas?
391
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:49,634
Remember, this is a safe space
392
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:52,095
for all dangerous
and violent plans.
393
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:54,764
Easy. We dump a swarm
of murder hornets
394
00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:57,017
- down her chimney.
- Uh...
- Board it!
395
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,768
I can stuff a couple
of bricks of cocaine
396
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,937
- in her wheel well.
- Board it.
397
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:04,274
Let's cut the brake lines
on her brand-new Prius.
398
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:07,193
- Board...
- No, don't board it.
399
00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:09,529
Don't board any of it.
400
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,322
- What?
- Why?
401
00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:14,117
Because the zoo director
didn't do anything wrong,
402
00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:16,453
and punishing an innocent
zoo director is...
403
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,621
a bad idea.
404
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:22,625
But you said
there were no bad ideas.
405
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,587
I was wrong.
Most ideas are bad.
406
00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:28,882
It's okay to think them,
just don't act on them.
407
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,967
Apostasy!
408
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:34,137
He's not an "us" anymore,
he's a "them."
409
00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:36,639
Them! Them! Them!
410
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,808
Enough is enough!
411
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:41,478
Look, we have Slow Leonard.
He wasn't kidnapped.
412
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:45,357
Real, living turtle!
413
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:46,649
Let's talk sense here.
414
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,360
The most obvious explanation
415
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,362
is the one that's
before our very eyes.
416
00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:52,155
- Hey, it's true.
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
417
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:53,573
Oh, thank God.
418
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,493
This is not Slow Leonard,
this is a robot.
419
00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:59,662
A robot built
by Homeland Security
420
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:03,208
to scan our tongues
to see whom we've kissed.
421
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:06,461
We'll prove it. Scan him
with your robot detectors.
422
00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,380
Guys, it is the turtle.
423
00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,215
And those robot detectors
are made of
424
00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:12,384
hair dryers and old video games.
425
00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:14,678
Look, we had
a great ride together.
426
00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:17,013
The paintball
and pinot noir weekend,
427
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:19,099
the duck boat tour
of Shelbyville,
428
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:20,600
storming City Hall.
429
00:18:20,684 --> 00:18:22,894
It felt so good
to be part of a community
430
00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:25,063
Where we're all
respected and supported.
431
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:27,524
But we can't pull our heads
inside our shells
432
00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:30,235
and hide from
the very real truth:
433
00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:32,904
our lost turtle has been found.
434
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:38,368
I cannot believe
I'm saying this.
435
00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:40,036
It's not a robot.
436
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,205
Dr. J, super dunk!
437
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:44,207
But what happens to all of us
438
00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:46,167
when we don't have
anything to solve?
439
00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:47,877
Nothing has to change.
440
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:51,006
We have more in common than
just the tortoise, don't we?
441
00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:53,008
Well, we must. Right?
442
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:56,803
Aw, nuts.
443
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,555
Oh, great.
444
00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:01,641
Now I have to get this
lasered off.
445
00:19:01,725 --> 00:19:04,561
I love being in this group,
but it's over.
446
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:06,229
And now I and the rest of us
447
00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,772
have to go back
to a world where
448
00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:10,066
everyone thinks we're dumb.
449
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,613
Unless
450
00:19:15,697 --> 00:19:18,241
we find a new mystery
only we can solve.
451
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:19,701
Like...
452
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:23,788
Where does calamari
really come from?
453
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:26,082
Well, the common wisdom
is that it's squid,
454
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:29,586
but I say there's
no such thing as a squid.
455
00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:31,212
Board it.
456
00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:33,840
Mmm, that's good squid.
457
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,717
I heard it's pig butt,
458
00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:38,470
but the shadow pig butt counsel
spends billions
459
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:40,263
quashing those rumors.
460
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:43,016
Board it.
461
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,435
As long as we're
blowing each other's minds,
462
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:47,270
I've heard there's
a cartoon show
463
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,022
that can predict the future.
464
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:50,607
Maybe we can watch it
465
00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,609
and find out
what's going to happen.
466
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,698
Board it.
467
00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:00,116
Indubitably.
468
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,785
- Making up stuff is fun.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
469
00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:04,662
Well, I guess no matter
how crazy and lame people are,
470
00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:08,458
they always want to hang
with other crazy lame-os.
471
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:11,795
I'm no conspiracy theorist,
but I do wonder
472
00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:15,965
who stands to benefit
from all of... this?
473
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:17,967
- Space here.
- Multiverse!
- Board it.
474
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,552
- Okay, that's good.
- And here's
another idea.
475
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:20,679
- Oh, that's...
- Hold on, I need
476
00:20:20,679 --> 00:20:21,638
- more cards.
- Yes!
477
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,310
Our profits
are through the roof.
478
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:30,730
We can't make enough yarn,
index cards and ivermectin.
479
00:20:30,814 --> 00:20:32,524
We're in a golden age.
480
00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:34,734
Keep defunding schools, America.
481
00:20:34,818 --> 00:20:37,070
{\an8}Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
482
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,406
{\an8}and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
483
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,783
{\an8}Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
484
00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:48,498
{\an8}Okay, everybody, today we're
making one of my
485
00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:49,666
{\an8}favorite dishes:
conspiracy-meeting paella.
486
00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:52,002
{\an8}It's a great dish
for blowing the lid off
487
00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:55,672
{\an8}any diabolical plot the
mainstream media won't cover.
488
00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:59,300
{\an8}CIA murders in your town,
UFO stuff.
489
00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:00,593
{\an8}And it even pairs well
490
00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:03,346
{\an8}with a New World Order scenario.
491
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:05,015
{\an8}Now, this is a dish
where the freshness
492
00:21:05,015 --> 00:21:06,850
{\an8}of the ingredients
really matters,
493
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:10,520
{\an8}like this chorizo
made from home-schooled pigs.
494
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,605
{\an8}If you're a lizard person
watching this,
495
00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:15,358
{\an8}instead of using chicken,
feel free to go with
496
00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:18,653
{\an8}whatever insect
or small mammal goes well
497
00:21:18,737 --> 00:21:19,779
{\an8}with Calasparra rice.
498
00:21:19,863 --> 00:21:21,573
{\an8}Well, that's all
you need to know.
499
00:21:21,573 --> 00:21:24,075
{\an8}Let me know in the comments
how it turned out,
500
00:21:24,159 --> 00:21:26,161
{\an8}and what shape
you think the sun is.
501
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,207
Shh!
36839
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