All language subtitles for Skipped.Parts.2000.DVDrip.x264-NGP

♪ Chains ♪

♪ My baby's got me
locked up in chains ♪

♪ That you can see-ee-ee ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ These chains of love
got a hold on me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Chains ♪

♪ Well I can't break away
from these chains ♪

♪ I can't run around ♪

♪ Cause I'm not free ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ These chains of love ♪

♪ Won't let me be
Yeah ♪

♪ Now believe me when
I tell you ♪

♪ I think you're fine ♪

♪ I'd like to love you ♪

♪ But darling I'm imprisoned
by these ♪

♪ Chains ♪

♪ My baby's got me
locked up in chains ♪

♪ And they ain't the kind ♪

♪ That you can see-ee-ee ♪

♪ Whoa, oh
These chains of love ♪

♪ Got a hold on me
Yeah. ♪

( typing )

Boy: Call me Sam.

I am a writer of literature.

I started writing the day
my grandfather

sent my mom and me
into exile.

A day when most human beings
would wallow in self-pity.

I chose this moment
to honor my calling.

So this is my story.

And unlike other writers
of literature,

I won't skip the good parts.

Samuel...

Daddy, don't pull the plantation
master act with Sam,

he's innocent.

Nothing you touch
is innocent.

One more mistake...

and the boy goes to
the Custer Military Academy.

Are those implications clear?

Oh yes, "Your daddyship."

Sam, come.

Bring your cards.

Sam: Caspar claimed we were
being exiled for our own good.

What a load of crap.

The truth is he was planning
to run for Governor,

and the thought of Lydia
on the loose

scared the wadding
out of him.

You know why I'm sending
you and your mom to Wyoming?

Because Lydia
messed up again?

You know
there comes a time

when you have to set aside
all childish things.

- But--
- Don't "but" Grandpa.

Go ahead.
Throw them in.

I had a good mind to go
to Wyoming and croak.

Then he'd really
be sorry.

Good boy.
Good boy.

Sam Callahan
lay close to death.

In a cruel twist of fate,

giving him comfort was the most
beautiful nurse he had ever seen.

I'm sorry.
He's not going to make it.

Sam, I'm sorry that I shipped
you and your mom out

into the wilderness when you
needed to be home most of all.

Could you forgive me
before you die, Sam?

Lydia: Hold on,
sugar-booger.

( gasp )

What'd you do to hack
Caspar off so much?

Not a thing.

Not one iota of misconduct.

He told me about the Cuban
and the strip show on the sailboat.

This one's so bad,
you can't tell me about it?

Just think what I'm liable
to imagine.

I'm as innocent as snow.

When Horace Greeley said,
"Go west young man,"

I don't think this is what
he had in mind.

Lydia drove 2000 miles
with the top down.

She had no concept of altitude
or temperature,

and, couldn't read a map
so I navigated.

We'd made an oath,

that Grandpa would never
separate us.

So as we drove further
and further from home,

it felt like we were
orphans together

and the first southerners
ever lost in Wyoming.

Hey sissy boy,

this one's for you,
honey.

Sharp move, pin-head.

( school bell ringing )

P.A.: Attention students,
and faculty:

the pep rally for
Friday's football game

will be after second period.

At 2:00pm today, we will conduct
our A-bomb drill.

Remember students,
duck and cover.

Teacher:
Hi.

- I'm Howard Stebbins.
- Sam Callahan.

Okay gang,

open Huckleberry Finn
to page 47

and go on to Twain's brilliant
use of Negro dialect.

Brilliant, my eye.
No one talks like that.

Well why do you suppose
Twain wrote in dialect,

if no one talks like that?

He wanted Huck to seem stupid,
and Jim even stupider.

I've heard southern accents on TV
and no one talks like that.

Huck is from Missouri
which isn't the South.

Woop-de-doo.

We know that Mark Twain
was one of the great proponents

of equal rights for all.

Now we appreciate that here
in the Equality State.

Well, yeah, but Twain
hated Jews.

Are you Jewish?

No.

Well how do you know
he hated Jews?

I can read.

How can you say that
when you hate Negroes?

I don't hate Negroes!

Teacher: You're from
the South.

Everyone in the South
hates Negroes.

You can't deny it.

( laughter )

We can't stay here, Mom.

Our relationship is based
on mutual respect, Sam.

You must never fling in my face
the fact that I'm a mother.

These kids are Nazis, Lydia.

It's like the school was spawned
by the mating of first cousins.

Well I bet that's why none
of the men here have chins.

Even the teacher is a first
degree ignoramus.

That goes. I won't have the dead
passing for art.

Only Caspar would pick
a house that has that.

I made a decision about
this banishment deal.

Should I be told?

The way I conducted our life
back in Carolina didn't work.

I'll say.

So...

I'm calling a time out.

No more connections
for a while.

As of this moment,

I'm declaring myself
an emotional catatonic.

Well, how's a catatonic
supposed to raise a kid?

We'll negotiate
an arrangement.

Now stand up straight.
A gal is judged by her posture.

Why do I have to go?

Because our new neighbors
are Southern, and

what would they think if we
didn't go out of our way

- to make them feel at home.
- But, the kid's a squirrel.

Gentlewomen do not compare
people to animals, dear.

What?

Welcome Wagon.

Hi.
I'm Laurabel Pierce.

This is my daughter,
Maurey,

and we'd like to welcome you
to Gro Vont,

the friendliest little
town in Wyoming.

How quaint.

Look Sammy,
it's the Welcome Wagon.

Hi.

Now what have we here?

This is a survival kit.
For moving into the new house?

That's for you.

Chicken pot pie?

The good kind
with bottom crust.

Maurey's dad can't abide pot pie
without good bottom crust.

"Quick Meals for the Harried
Housewife."

Every recipe starts with a can
of cream of mushroom soup.

Well, fuck me silly.

Do I look like
a housewife to you?

No.

Well, we just wanted you
to feel at home in Gro Vont.

Sam and I won't be here long
enough to mingle with the natives.

- There she is.
- Dot!

Keep your pants zipped, Jack.
I'll be with you when I'm with you.

Her name is Dot.

She should sue
her parents.

What kind of woman
would name a child "Dot"?

So, you're the folks
renting Doc Whartle's place.

The guys each paid me a dollar
to find out if you're single.

Tell the guys I have
five husbands,

each one rich,
mean and jealous.

I'll be rotating them
through on a weekly basis.

That line will be
all over the valley by breakfast.

Just tell them I own a rifle.

So, what happened
in the seventh grade today?

- You really wanna hear?
- If I don't want to hear,

Caspar will send you to the
Custer Military Academy

and we wouldn't want that,
would we?

In social studies, Miss Sheets
taught us how to write a check.

You've been writing checks
since you were six.

And, I think I'm in love
with Maurey Pierce.

That's nice.

How do you know you're
in love?

'Cause I can't stand her.

Well that's always
a good sign.

She hates my guts.
Called me pin-head.

Sounds like love to me.

You gotta eat that fast, that gravy
is turning into axle grease.

You know why I like you more
than the other boys?

Because we're the only two kids
in seventh grade who can read?

No silly.

Because you're so handsome.

( blues vocals begins )
♪ After you're gone ♪

♪ And left me cryin' ♪

♪ After you've gone ♪

♪ There's no denyin' ♪

♪ You'll feel blue ♪

♪ You'll feel sad ♪

♪ You'll miss the sweetest
gal you ever had. ♪

( glass breaking )

You're licking the mirror.

I'm making contact.

With who?

Myself.

Sam...
You ever had a stiffie?

Mom!

I just realized...

it's been years since
I saw your little weenie.

You were so cute
when you were a baby.

We had this black speckled basin
I used to wash you in

and you would always pee
straight up.

Mom, I hate when you talk
about cute naked stuff

I did when I was little.

Mom...

I didn't let myself go.

( laughing )

You know when Gulliver traveled
to the land of Yahoos

he must have come here.

I think he just insulted you,
LaNell.

I don't care.

What kind of show-off
studies on the bus anyways?

This isn't a school book,
this is literature.

Litter tour, litter tour!

What literature?

It's a classic coming of age
story portraying one woman's

poignant experiences with life,
love, and sex.

What do you know
about sex?

After I finish this book,
I'll know a lot more than you.

Not that knowing more about sex
than you do is a challenge.

( giggling )

( quietly praying )

Have you been saved?

From what?

You'll go to hell unless
you finish that.

If a person goes to hell
for not finishing a tuna croquette

I think I lost my salvation
a long time ago.

- You coming?
- Yeah, sure.

How's it going, Sam?

Couldn't be better, sir.

I don't know if you've heard,
but we're mighty proud

of our football team here
at Gro Vont High.

How'd you like to sign up?

I'd like to,
but my mom needs me at home.

She hasn't adjusted
to the lack of humidity yet.

It takes 22 players to hold
the practice, and I've only got 21

and half of them still
suck their mama's tit at night.

Well, I no longer nurse, sir.

Let me explain to you,

the difference between
an "A" and an "F" in English.

Me coming out for football?

Now that's the old
school spirit.

Jump to the left,
jump to the right,

sit down, stand up,
fight, fight, fight!

Coach: Boys, let's have a little game
of smear the queer with the ball.

Hey Sammy,

why don't you tell us
how your mama's hooters feel?

About the same
as your sister's.

I ain't got a sister,
stupid.

( quarterback calling plays )

( grunting )

Dothan got him good.

- You think he's hurt?
- No...

he's just playing possum.

Sissy boy!
Come on get up.

Come on, Sam.
Get up!

TV: Coverage continues
on the assassination

of President
John F. Kennedy.

At 1 2:35 Central Standard Time,
President Kennedy was shot

as his motorcade passed
through downtown Dallas.

Governor Connelly
was also shot.

Thousands of mourners gathered
at Parkland Memorial Hospital

to mourn
the passing of our...

( sobbing )

They killed
President Kennedy.

Are you sure?

It's on the news.

Well, who killed him?

Texans.

Y'all cryin'
over the nigger lover?

Shut up, Dothan!

You know what all the coons are
getting for Christmas this year?

A Jack-in-the-box.

I never knew you cared.

What are you doin' boy?

Tryin' to take up
for your girlfriend?

What the hell is your
problem, boy?

They started it, coach!

Lay off!

Little bastard's liable
to hurt somebody!

The President is dead
and he was celebrating.

Let's get out of here.

Where?

We can watch the news
at my house.

You think they'll miss us?

All the rules
are off today, Sam.

Nothin' we do matters.

I guess it all depends
on your perspective.

As the rest of the country
was mourning their great loss,

things were actually starting
to look up for me.

What do you bet Mom's heard
of the assassination,

but it's had no effect
on her at all?

She'll be baking cookies
and waxing the kitchen floor.

My mom's never baked
a cookie in her life.

Come on.

You're home early.

They let us out on account
of the assassination.

Isn't it a shame about
Mr. Kennedy?

I wonder of they'll let Petey
out early too this afternoon?

I'll just finish these up and then
I'll make us some hot cocoa.

This isn't the time
for hot cocoa, Mom.

It's always the time
for cocoa.

( heavy sigh )

The whole world's gone straight
to hell in a handbasket.

I had to come down here because
my television is out of order.

What about you?

I don't have a TV.

It's been years since I met anyone
who didn't own a television.

You must not meet
many Indians.

You're an Indian?

Blackfeet.

My daddy can't stand
Indians.

- Maurey: I wish my dad was here.
- Sam: Where is he?

We have a horse ranch 1 0 miles
up in the mountains...

and he has to feed every day.
He stays there most of the winter.

- What's your dad do?
- I don't have a father.

Did he die?

Lydia won't tell me
anything about him.

When she's drunk, she claims virgin
birth like Mary and Jesus.

I'd like to see
my mom drunk.

It's not that neat.

She has these pictures
of five guys

in old football uniforms
in her panty box.

Her panty box?

I figure one of them
might be my dad.

What were you doing in your
mother's panty box?

One of the guys
is a Negro.

Boy: Mom, I'm home.

Hey, we're watchin' that!

This stinks.

Mom, Maurey won't let me
watch Rocky.

You know he watches Rocky
every afternoon.

What's the matter
with you?

Look, brat--

The President of our country
is dead.

Some things are more important
than Rocky the flying squirrel.

Daddy!

Hey, how's my favorite girl?

Hi.

Hi.

Lydia, there's an Indian
in our kitchen.

Oh, that's Hank.
He's Blackfoot...

or feet.
I get it mixed up.

Hank knows loads of nifty stuff
about the forest.

You went into the forest?

Oh it was a hoot, Sam.

I tried something new.

- How about that?
- How about that.

You didn't expect me to stay
on this couch forever, did you?

So what's Hank doing
in our kitchen?

He's fixin' supper.

Some staple he said got
his tribe through hard winters.

Caspar is gonna pass
a brick.

Oh, isn't it wonderful?

Hank, honey, what's that
Indian thing you're making?

Macaroni and cheese.

( roaring )

Welcome Wagon.

Ugh!

Geez.

Yuck.

Explain this.

Sammy?

Lydia, I think there's
something wrong with me.

I must be sick
or something.

You blew your nose
in your sock?

This didn't come
from my nose.

You masturbated?

I woke up with this stuff
all over me.

Were you dreaming right before
you woke up?

Was there a girl
in your dream?

Did you recognize her?

She kissed me
and I felt funny.

You had a wet dream,
honey bunny.

Boys have them
all the time.

Well,
do something with it.

Things like this don't
happen to boys with fathers.

So crucify me.

Every kid in Wyoming probably
knows what a wet dream is,

and they're laughing at me
right now, calling me a squirrel.

Poor Sammy.

You just moved a step closer
to being a grown up.

I couldn't wait to tell
Maurey what I had learned.

I explained the whole
process to her,

except the part where her mom
triggered the mess on my belly.

How much goo came out?
A cup? A quart?

- Not a quart.
- How much then?

It was all spread out.

About 1/3 cup.

I'll lose my virginity
someday...

and when I do I don't want
to come off ignorant.

I want to know what's going
on every second.

( humming )

Don't you kids know that coffee
will stunt your growth?

Dot, do you and your husband
have sex?

Why Maurey Pierce,

I should wash your mouth
out with soap.

I didn't say a dirty word.

You did so.

"Sex" is a dirty word?

We don't talk about that word
in mixed gender company.

I'll be outside.

While Maurey was getting
the low down from Dot,

I turned to my dream girl.

I had so many questions.

I needed someone
I could talk to,

someone who would be willing
to explore the secrets of love.

I needed a professional.

My mom won't be home
for another 20 minutes.

Do you want
to do me again?

I don't know,
that will be, what,

five times since school let out
this afternoon?

Sam, it's not romantic
to keep score.

So what did she say?

She said sex is a wonderful
and special experience

that can only be done right
when two people are in love.

Grownups are
so full of bull.

( country music )

Man: Put it
in the corner pocket.

Geronimo!

Whoo!
Yippee!

Daddy wants to run for Governor
or something...

and he thinks having an illegitimate
grandson under foot

would cause
embarrassment.

That's why Sammy and I have been
banished to the hinterlands.

I was given a choice
between Sam goes...

or we both go.

We got politicians
in my family, too.

They're worse
than cow dogs.

( coyote howling )

Now, this doesn't mean
that we're going steady.

Yeah.

I mean,
we're not even dating.

You got that?

This is strictly...
strictly a one night stand.

No commitments, huh?

I don't want to feel.

Got that?

( honks car horn )

( telephone ringing )

Hello.

Idle hands are
the devil's playground.

- Grandpa?
- Excellent.

Hand the phone
to your mother.

Lydia?

Geez, Lydia.

Grandpa, Lydia isn't here
right now.

Well, where is she?

She went for a job interview
at the Mormon Church...

secretary or something.

Your mother will never work
a day in her life.

Lydia's turned over
a new leaf.

Must be the fresh air
or something.

She's changed.
She's responsible now.

I control the cash flow.

I respect that, sir.

Tell her she dumps
the Indian

or faces the wrath
of Almighty God.

That would be you?

( dial tone )

( knocking on door )

Hi Sam.

Your mom and the other drunks
rented a hotel room

in Deboise after the bars closed
last night.

They're having a party.

My cousin Delores is there.
Delores' husband told her mom

in hopes of getting Delores
dragged out.

But, it didn't work.

Well, I'm making coffee.
You want some?

I want to explain the rules
before we do this.

Do what?

Make sex.
Why else would I be here?

We're going
to perform sex, now?

After coffee.

It's time you and I find out what
the big deal is with this sex thing.

Do you think Lydia might
come home today?

Doubtful.

You think you can get
a stiffie?

I don't know,
they come and go on their own.

I haven't learned how
to control them yet.

Maybe it will happen
naturally.

Well I heard something about
putting it in the girl's mouth.

Ugh-- I'm not doing anything
that might make me throw up.

We're both virgins.

I never said I was a virgin.

We're both virgins.

But someday we're gonna find
ourselves doing it for real.

So, today's sex isn't real?

We're just friends helping
each other learn a new skill.

This is practice.

Will we still
be virgins afterwards?

That's part of what we're
gonna learn--

where the line between
virginity and non-virginity is.

Here's rule number one--
you better not squirt.

And, no kissing.

Kissing is mushy,
emotional stuff.

We can't do this
if you're gonna get mushy.

I promise.
No mush.

Sam: I wish we
didn't have to be naked.

That's a big part
of doing it.

Go on.

You first.

Geez, Louise.

Your turn.

Well this is as far
as I've dreamed.

I'm ready to quit.

Sam.

I thought you'd be bigger.

Well it swells up when
it gets stiff.

A horse's woodie is as big
as its leg.

I don't think it's fair
to compare people to horses.

This doesn't
look possible.

Horses do it with the stallion
standing up behind the mare.

Forget horses, okay?

You got a better idea?

Maybe if I stand
on a chair.

My books don't say anything
about the girl standing on chairs.

Books skip this part and go right
on to how wonderful it was.

Maybe if we kiss?

I told you no kissing.

Maybe if you touch it
with your hand?

Okay, but don't look.

That's my
belly-button, Sam.

( sounds of the jungle )

Sam!

Huh?

This is no where near
1/3 of a cup.

Ugh!

Did we lose
our virginities yet?

I sure as hell didn't.

Lydia: Dibs on the can!

The hell with that!

Ah, crap it all anyway.

Maurey: Sam, meet my cousin
Delores.

Delores:
Howdy.

Maurey, I won't tell Laurabel
that I saw you here

if you don't tell her that
you saw me.

What's in the bottle?

Turpenhydrate and codeine.

It's really good for when
you want to stop drinking.

You're turn.

Hi Mom.

- Who?
- Hi Lydia.

This is my friend Maurey
from school.

Oh, Welcome Wagon.

My mom made me come.

She thinks
she's Betty Crocker.

Never be embarrassed
by your mother.

Sam's embarrassed of me
and look how he turned out.

Delores: Had to whiz
like a race horse.

Swear to God you do not buy
codeine cough syrup,

you rent it.

What have you kids been
up to all morning?

Gin rummy.
I owe Maurey $3.50.

No, we weren't.

We were trying to have sex,
only we couldn't do it.

Why are you trying
to have sex?

I wanna know what it feels like
before I hit puberty

and have do it
for real.

And, I figured Sam
would be more popular

if he knew
how to please girls.

He hasn't been all that
popular so far.

What's the matter, honey? Having
a problem keeping your weenie up?

It stood up, but we couldn't figure
out where he should go in from.

And then, he squirted.

Your turn.

You and your mama have
little chats like this?

My mother thinks I'm sweet 1 4
and never been kissed.

I knew where to go in, I think,
but it wouldn't go.

I must be too big.

( laughing )

Nobody is too big.

Were you getting excited?

Excited?

Yeah.
Excited is when you're wet.

Nice and wet.

Down there.

Should I have used water?

Water doesn't quite cut it.

Foreplay is the only proper way
a gentleman excites a lady.

What's foreplay?

You know, it's when a man
squeezes your boobs

and whispers real dirty
in your ears.

Delores!

Lydia.

I wish my mother had talked
to me about those things.

All right.

If you kids are gonna do this
you might as well do it right.

Oh no.

Now, Maurey looks something
like that, right?

Well, my eyes were closed.

What you want to do is go
in down here.

One of you has to grab it
and angle it right

because it will take years before
it slides in on its own.

Years.

Lydia: Now, two things.

Go ahead and play your
little boy-girl games

but the first sign of a period
in Maurey, and the game stops.

What's a period?

Number two...

a matter of form--

you don't talk like this
in front of adults.

At your age, sex is something
you run around and hide.

Why?

Society would fall apart if
people were honest about screwing.

Sam, let's go to your room
and read comic books.

Yeah. Yeah.
Comic books sound fun.

Oh, I did a bad thing.

No.

10 letter word for "lampoon."

"Satirize."

It's too short.

Will you explain to me
about women.

Women are right and men are wrong
and that's all you need to know.

I mean about liking.

Now that Maurey and I have
done it, will she like me?

Maurey will always have
a warm spot in her heart

whenever she thinks
about you.

But she says
we're just friends.

You're lucky.

You can have the fun
of love without the heartbreak.

What if I like her and get
my heart broke anyway?

Then you're a sucker.
Here's the deal, Sam.

If you sleep with a girl and
afterwards she likes you as a friend,

then she'll always like you
as a friend and never as a lover

and there ain't nothin' in
this world you can do about it.

Hank: Are you afraid to admit
the other night meant something?

What happened is what I like most,
sex without consequences.

Hey Mom, I'm home.

Hank: If I'm stupid,
I go to jail. If you're stupid,

you get shipped off to live with
the commoners for a few months.

The worst thing that could
possibly happen to you

is you might lose
your trust fund.

I'm not gonna spend
my life

waiting for free cheese
at the county extension office.

Got rid of another one.

Go screw your little girlfriend
and leave me alone.

We're going on a double date
to the Saturday matinee.

You and me
and another couple?

No, me and Dothan and you
and Chuckette Morris.

But Dothan's
our mortal enemy.

He's your mortal enemy.
He's my boyfriend.

But Dothan cheered when
John Kennedy died.

He said "Nigger."

He's just repeating crap
his jerk racist dad spews at home.

He didn't know any better.

He rubbed our faces
in the dirt.

- And he apologized.
- Well, not to me.

Dothan was jealous when
he saw us sitting together.

He's liked me since
the fifth grade.

- Well do you like him?
- That's not the point.

Dothan has a learner's permit
and a car.

We can double with you
and Chuckette.

I can't stand
Chuckette Morris.

But she likes you.

This is your big chance
to get a date.

Hurry up, Sam.
Mom will be home soon.

( swinging 60's music )

Are you gonna kiss me
or not?

You'll have to
take out your gum.

But I just bought it.

Suit yourself.

Gosh, I didn't know when
I moved here if I'd fit in but,

you kids are really great!

Okay, you win.

Ow!

You bit my tongue!

Get her, Sammy.

That was disgusting.

It was a kiss.

With your wet gross tongue
hanging out?

Is that how boys
back East kiss?

That's how everybody kisses,
Charlotte.

That's not how
the Nazarene's do it.

Daddy said boys would try
to get me passionate

so they could
make me pregnant

and ruin my life and trick me
into going to hell.

You don't sound
passionate.

I wasn't ready that time.

Let's try again.

You're home, Sam.

Do you want to come in?
Lydia got some new records.

No thanks, I'll just have Dothan
take me on home.

You sure?

Get out of the car, Sam.

I'll be fine.

You'll be okay?

What do you think I'm gonna do
to her for Christ's sakes?

Go on, Sam.

Boy: Thattaboy, Sam.

I see Don Juan has decided
to grace us with his presence.

♪ Here comes the bride ♪

♪ All dressed in white ♪

♪ Da-da-da-da
da-da-da-da ♪

Hey, what's with
the Don Juan crack?

So you slipped the tongue
to Chuckette?

She said, "Kiss me,"
and I kissed her.

She claims you were
smack-dab passionate.

Where'd you learn
to kiss, anyway?

Just watching Lydia
and her boyfriends.

If Mom lets me out,
I'll be over after Dick Van Dyke.

Maybe we could try
kissing this time.

Do you practice sex
with Dothan?

Of course not, silly...

he's my boyfriend.

Good morning, darling.

I like a boy who goes through
the line with me and carries my tray.

It's all right this time,

but your manners will have to
improve since we're going steady.

- Who said we're going steady?
- Well, everyone.

They know what you did to me
at the picture show.

There's more to a commitment
than biting someone's tongue.

Well that behavior may pass
back East,

but here in Wyoming,
we're moral.

That reminds me, you have
to give me your jacket.

What?!

It'll be a letter jacket next year,
we'll make do for now.

Charlotte,
it's freezing outside.

What better way to prove
your love for me

than to sacrifice your jacket
for my own comfort?

I don't want to prove
my love.

They'll think you took
advantage of me.

They'll say I'm cheap.

Dothan: Come on darlin',
let's go.

Jesus.

Hank's truck out front
was a good sign.

The pipes had been frozen
when I left for school,

which put Lydia in an even
nastier mood

than she had been in since
their fight.

I figured they were upstairs
having a makeup orgy.

I was glad for them.

They really seemed
to like each other.

But after all,
your mom is your mom

and I hoped they'd hear me
and stop.

I wasn't in the mood to hear moans
and groans from my own mother.

Mom?

Mom!

Mom.

Lydia?

Hi, honey bunny.

Hi, Lydia.

Hank crawled under the house
with a torch

and thawed the pipes.
Wasn't that nice of him?

Give us a sip.

Oh, there's a letter from Caspar
on the kitchen table.

Yeah, what's Grandpa
got to say?

Oh, the usual threats.

Nothing for you
to worry about.

We're living so clean
and wholesome here in Wyoming

even Caspar
can't touch us.

Ta-da!

- I didn't have time to wrap it.
- What else were you doing?

Now you can listen to your stupid
baseball games all night.

Thanks, Mom.

- Sam...
- I mean, "Thanks, Lydia."

Yuck.

Yuck!

My present's
out in the back.

So, we gonna keep him?

Don't be ridiculous,
he's not a sweater.

Well, I never said he was.

Besides, we won't be here
that long.

Happy Christmas.

What's that?

By tradition,
it ought to be a horse.

But, I wasn't sure you
wanted one.

Sam helped me choose it.

I told him you'd never get on it,
not in a million years.

You got that right.

Yep. I said Caspar won't let
you ride a bike.

Whoo!

Come on, Sam.

Hank: I'll give you five bucks
if you can knock my cowboy hat off.

See, I can ride
with no hands.

Don't run me over.

- Whoa!
- Aghh!

I should have got her
that damn horse.

Hank: Catch her.

Lydia: This ain't so hard.

Maurey: Come on.
Hurry Up.

Hank: Get back here,
Lydia.

♪ Something tells me
I'm into something good ♪

♪ Something tells me
I'm into something good ♪

♪ Something tells me
I'm into something... ♪

Time out.

Maurey doesn't love me, Sam.

She loves you.

You can have her.

Well, that's awfully
sporting of you.

No sweat.

I'm in love with another.

♪ When he walked me home
and he held my hand ♪

♪ Knew it wouldn't be
just a one night stand ♪

♪ He asked to see me next week
and I told him he could ♪

♪ He asked to see me
and I told him he could ♪

♪ Something tells me
I'm into something good ♪

♪ Something tells me
I'm into something good ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Something good. ♪

Is Lydia here?

Yeah, we're going on a picnic.
You want to come?

Is Lydia coming?

Well, yeah.

Lydia: Hank promised we'd see
a magnificent view of the lake.

He'd better not be lyin'.

Hey, look.

In nature,
a person can be idealistic.

You can believe in things.

Like what?

Like beauty,

the nobility of humans.

People in the cities
cannot believe in nobility

because they see
no sign of it.

I just love it when
he talks like Chief Joseph.

How can you tell
if you're pregnant?

The game was supposed to end
when you got your first period.

I haven't had a period yet.

What's a period?

I hardly know what being
pregnant feels like myself.

I was only with child once
and I wasn't much older than you.

I'm just a kid--
I can't have a baby.

See, that's what I thought.

You didn't call me
this weekend.

I don't know why I go
steady with you.

You're supposed to call me
at least once a day.

Sharon's boyfriend calls
her house a dozen times a day,

Iets the phone ring
once and then hangs up...

to let her know he
still loves her.

And this morning, you didn't
even notice my new skirt.

I was so appalled.
Even Rodney made a compliment.

Did I get anything
from you? No!

It hurts.

I'm trying to look nice for you.
You are my boyfriend.

If this relationship doesn't start
to come to my end of it,

then I'm afraid this will
not work out.

Are you okay?

What do you think?

Well if you're pregnant,
I'll marry you.

Sam, I can't marry you.

Why not?

I'm 14 years old.

Lydia: It's not gonna
be that bad, honey.

Oh shhh.

Wait second.

We can rent an apartment.
I'll get a job.

Oh Sam,
don't be a squirrel.

Are you coming or not?

Yeah.

Good.
You navigate.

Nobody asked me what
I wanted to do about the baby.

No.
No one's going to either.

Lydia: Delores says this
is a nasty town.

She doesn't mean nasty
in a nice way.

I've got to be home before
Mom gets back from Idaho Falls.

Let's do it then.

Are you all right?

They're ready for you.

This is the shits.

You're gonna be okay.

I know.

Woman: Right this way,
sweetheart.

They all know why
we're here.

Sam, stop fidgeting.

I'm gonna go wait
in the waiting room.

Fine.

Sam?

Maurey?

Let's go!

Woman: Maurey...

Maurey!

Lydia: Laurabel Pierce
and Coach Stebbins?

Puts a new meaning
into Welcome Wagon.

Daddy.

Oh, sweetheart.

How could Maurey and her mom
have an abortion at the same time?

Only one clinic doing them
for hundreds of miles

and then only on Saturdays.

I bet there never was
a bridge club in Idaho Falls.

While daddy's up at the ranch
taking care of the horses,

Mom's naked with
Howard Stebbins

sticking his greasy
thing in her.

I hate mothers.

Lydia: Sure you don't want
to come home with us?

Maurey: I have to fix Pete
his supper.

Mom might not make it home
until late.

Sam...

she's barefoot.

Oh.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Are we gonna keep
the baby?

I can't think
about that now.

Okay.

♪ These foolish tears ♪

♪ I'm cryin' over you ♪

♪ This foolish heart... ♪

What's the matter
with you?

I deserve some fun
tonight.

Raising kids is a lot
of responsibility.

How would you know?

Well what does that infer?

I didn't know she would
get pregnant.

I've just about had it
with your judgmental attitude.

Those kids were 14...

and you taught them
sex games.

Your father is right...

Sam couldn't be worse off
in a military school.

You finished with that?

Come on, Dougie,
dance with me.

( door opening )

Lydia: Come on,
Dougie.

( tires squealing )

Who do you have to fuck in this joint
to get a cup of coffee?

I heard Hank's truck
last night.

He knows what you
were doing.

So shoot me.

Come on in.

Well, are you going
to have the baby?

I guess so.

Really?

Why are you so happy?

I don't know, I guess
I'm just ready to be a father.

Mornin', ladies.

( tires squealing )

What's Hank doing?

Dot: What's that he's got?

That's our moose.

He's drunker than a skunk.

Hank doesn't drink.

Maybe he's sick.

Oh, shit.

Diners: What is that about?
Have you lost your mind?

Hey, buttface.

Don't call me buttface.

Maurey's pregnant.
You could have hurt her.

You're mother's a whore.

That still doesn't give
you the right to hurt Maurey.

I'm sorry.

But your mother is still
a whore.

You okay?

Another pitiful man put his hopes
on you and you took him down.

Fuck you, Sam.

Fuck you too, Mom.

Sam: Your parents have
a really nice ranch.

Thanks.

Are you sure you should
be doing that?

Dad says I was born
on a horse.

Come on!

You want me
to get up there?

Why not, silly?

Is your dad suspicious yet?

If we were older,
he'd be watching me like a coyote.

Right now his worst fear is that
Lydia might give me a cigarette.

Does your mom know
you're still pregnant?

Mom won't say a word.

But I can tell she's
going nuts to find out.

She sneaks in my room
when she thinks I'm asleep

and stares at me
for hours.

It's spooky.

Maurey: Isn't being friends
much better

than being girlfriend
and boyfriend?

If you were my boyfriend,
I'd never show you this spot.

Because we might break up,
and then where would I be?

Where would you be?

Someone I don't like
would know my secret.

But I still want to have
sex with you.

We can't have sex now.

You're my friend.

I can't risk losing you
for something as silly as sex.

I'm confused.

You bike back into town
without me.

I think I'll talk to Dad.

Are you sure?

It's time.

Is there any chance you might skip
the part about who the father is?

I'll try, but Lydia better
lock your doors tonight.

Hi.

Lydia: Thanks, sugar.

Maurey told her dad
about the baby this afternoon.

What do you think he'll do?

Buddy Pierce will brand
your butt.

Are you speaking literally,
or metaphorically?

Well, I'm God's gift
to horses.

Yes sir...

but I accidentally squirted
into your daughter

and now she's with child.

No!

( tapping on window )

Can I live here until
the baby comes?

Of course.

So how did it go
with your dad?

He said that I'm a slut

and he's ashamed
to have me as a daughter.

You probably
surprised him.

Give him a few days,
he'll come around.

No, he won't.

Daddy has morals
and I don't.

I'm gonna go sleep
on the couch.

No--

that's too far away.

Sleep here on the floor...

in case I need you.

All your life I've tried
to set an example

of how to deal
with public disapproval.

It's time to show me what
you've learned, honey bunny.

Students: Shh.

Student: Tsk! Tsk!

- How dare they?
- Sinners.

I feel like
Lee Harvey Oswald.

It's like we have
the ultimate cooties.

I'll see you at lunch,
sailor boy.

( sobbing )

I'm sorry I got Maurey pregnant
while I was going steady with you.

( school bell ringing )

Sam.

Did she tell on me?

Tell on you?

Does her father know about--
you know...

That you and her mom shared
an abortion?

No, I think she loves
her dad too much

to tell him that you
screwed her mom.

I haven't talked to Laurabel
since the day at the clinic.

You can tell Maurey that.

So, you got her an abortion
then dumped her.

Wasn't that what
I was supposed to do?

How'd everybody find out?

Now that I've told Dad,
it doesn't matter who else knows.

So who'd you tell?

Him.

Sammy boy,
how's it shakin'?

- About the same.
- Good.

We still on for Friday night?

Town Without Pity is playing
at the movies.

You ought to bring
Chuckette and maybe,

Saturday night,
we'll go parking.

I don't know.
I'll have to ask Chuckette.

You'll have to ask Chuckette...

If this boy gets any funnier
they're gonna put him on TV.

How come Dothan didn't
beat me up at lunch today?

He's
an understanding guy

and I said I'd break up with him
if he was mean to you.

Spring in Wyoming lasts
all of two weeks

and is marked by mud
and rampant pregnancy.

With all of nature
knocked up,

Maurey and I felt
right at home.

We discovered the best thing

about being ostracized
by an entire town,

is that people
leave you alone.

With Hank gone, Lydia was
crankier than usual.

And the rising heat didn't
help Maurey's mood much either.

She said being pregnant
was wretched.

But to tell you the truth,
it didn't bother me that much.

I'm going for a bike ride.
You wanna come?

Sure.

Do you brush your teeth
every day?

Yes, Mom.

And use a fresh towel
after every shower.

I will.

Bye.

Sam: I can't believe
we have to bring Dothan.

He's my boyfriend.
You better be nice to him.

What happened to your arm?

My daddy broke it.

Why for God's sake
would he do that?

Because I was
mouthing off.

So he broke your arm?

I deserved it.
Can we just drop it?

Dropped.

Howdy folks.

You'll be glad you came
out today.

We've got a good rodeo
for you here in Gro Vont.

It rained a little earlier,
sun is out nice now.

Mud and fun is what rodeo
is all about.

( rodeo fans cheering )

Folks, let's have a big hand
for Joe Brannigan.

A big hand is all
he's gonna win today.

The timed mastery of a horse

is nothing more than
competitive sex...

to prove that man could
subjugate anything

wild and beautiful once
he gets it between his legs.

What gets me is they won a belt
buckle for lasting 8 seconds.

Our next contestant
in the bull-dogging competition

is Hank Elkrunner from
right here in Gro Vont.

That 5.4 second ride puts
Hank Elkrunner square in the lead.

I fail to see how hurling
a dumb animal to the earth

makes a man the object
of mass approval.

Thank you kindly, Hank.

Looks like a stud to me.

Ladies and gentlemen,
if we just stay calm...

Iet our cowboys
get in there.

We do have professionals
on the scene.

Get somebody in here,
he's hurt.

I might ought to see
about Mom.

I'll go with you.

Announcer: It's unfortunate
that these things happen...

Come on, move it.

Watch him--
Easy, easy.

Be back in a bit.

Thank you, fellas,
he's gonna be fine.

Momma.

I have to clean the floor
before Buddy comes home

because Buddy will be angry.

Momma, it's okay.
Leave the floor until later.

No, I can't leave any tracks
on the linoleum.

She's nuts.
Ought to be locked up.

This is your fault.

No more than you.

You!

My baby!
You killed my baby!

What's she talking about?

Mom, it's okay.

Mom!

Momma,
what are you doing?

Get this off of me!

Maurey: We need
to help her.

Announcer: Thank you, Hank.
We appreciate it.

- No. Get away.
- Easy ma'am.

Momma?

Hank: It's gonna be
all right.

Buddy will still be
at the hospital.

We'll follow you out there
in case you need us.

Pride means nothing
if you lose a good man.

Yeah.

Will someone please
explain to me

what all this pride
nonsense is about?

Life's too short for me
to waste any of it.

I'll see you around.

Hey, you can't get away
from me,

you red-skinned
son of a bitch.

You think she'll get him?

Hank don't stand a chance.

Lydia: Hey,
I'm your squaw damn it.

Hank,
you listen to me!

( door slamming )

( laughing )

Okay!

Geronimo, baby.

Weird.

You know why women
fake orgasms?

I don't give a hoot
why women fake orgasms...

I'm not comfortable.

- Women fake orgasms--
- Listen to the birthday girl!

Women fake orgasms...
because men fake foreplay.

Sometimes when I have
a real orgasm,

I tell the man that I faked it
just so he doesn't get cocky.

I hate cocky men.

My baby is going to be raised
on marshmallows.

I raised Sammy on Dr. Pepper
and look how he turned out.

I turned out okay.

Says who?

Ahhh!

Get him, Hank!

Get his feet, Hank.

Get the marshmallows!
You're dead.

Put the marshmallows
in his ear.

- Say "uncle."
- No.

Hi ho Silver, away!

Maurey: Uh-oh.

Get up, Sam.

I said,
get up on your feet.

Samuel,
get on your feet.

This is your Sunday uniform
at the Custer Military Academy.

As soon as you clear that mucky
gunk out of your ear...

you'll go in the house
and put it on.

- Daddy.
- Be silent, girl.

We are going home now.

We will place Samuel
at Custer,

then you and I will proceed
onto Greensboro.

Wait a second.
We can't go home.

We're having a baby.

I'm sure that little girl
has a mother of her own.

My mother's
in a nut house.

Be that as it may,

you made your bed
and now you must lie in it.

I will not stand by and see
my grandson snared by a spider.

Maurey is not a spider.

I told you to be silent!

I won't. You can't come here
and ruin everything.

This is our home.
These people are our family.

Family?

A floozy, a Kiowa,
and a very pregnant little girl.

Which member of your new family
is going to pay next month's rent?

Blackfeet.

Just exactly what is that
supposed to mean?

I'm Blackfeet, not Kiowa.

I understand you live
in a one room trailer.

You think she's gonna like
living there

and carrying your papooses?

Daddy,
you're such an asshole.

Well that could be--

When you get to the point where
you can pay your way in life

you can live anywhere
you want

and in any disgusting
manner you want.

But, as long as I'm paying
the bills,

you will do as I dictate.

Is that understood?

Go inside and put your
uniform on.

Son, you don't have a lot
to say about it.

I decided life was
a gyp.

Why couldn't people just
do what I wanted?

Maurey wasn't in love with me.
Not in the right way.

If we were in love
like Romeo and Juliet--

we could fight Caspar.

We could flee into the mountains,
or chain ourselves to a rock.

Romeo and Juliet were 1 4 and
no one treated them like children.

But of course,
they died at the end.

Hey.
How'd you get here from town?

Hank brought me.

He's at the ranch
talking to Dad.

Your grandfather
isn't happy with you.

I'll never put on that uniform.
Never!

Yes you will.

You and Lydia are both hopeless
and we all know it.

I won't leave you
and the baby.

I'll hide in the mountains and live
on bushes and frogs if I have to.

We made a mistake.

This baby is coming whether
anybody's ready or not.

Don't be sad, Sam.

No matter how bad
everything is--

you and I will have a baby.

You'll be 1 8 in four years,
then you can come back.

Come on.

Come on.

Sam:
I'm gonna get you.

You're going in the water.

- Sam...
- Are you okay?

I just felt the baby.

P.A.: Dr. Jenkins to labor
and delivery.

Congratulations,
Mr. Pierce.

You're a grandfather.

What about me?

You have a daughter.

Her name is Shannon.

That's pretty.

Can I touch her?

Okay, but be gentle.
Babies aren't footballs.

Yeah, they don't travel
as far when you kick them.

That's not funny, Sam.

I hope she grows up to have
my looks and Dad's brains.

Well, what about me?

She'll have your heart.

It's hard to see how goo
on a sock can lead to this.

Pretty cool, huh?

Yeah.

( baby cooing )

- I want to go home.
- After we eat.

Whoa, I can't go in there,
my grandfather will kidnap me.

You're grandfather
will not kidnap you.

Yeah, he'll take me straight
to Custer Military Academy.

I won't let him.

Come on.

Hi, Sam.

So, what did she name
the baby?

Shannon.

Oh my God...
that will never do.

My baby's name
is Shannon.

Who do I have to fuck in this
joint to get a cup of coffee?

Keep your
pants zipped, Jack.

Mom?

Mutual trust
and respect.

Always remember what
our relationship is based on.

I may have a granddaughter,
but I'm not 30 yet.

You can't work here,
Lydia.

Watch me.

She won't last a month.

First time she breaks a fingernail
she'll be coming home to daddy.

Fat chance, Daddy.

Does this mean I don't
have to go to Custer?

That's right--
As long as we pay our own way

the old goat
can't force us anywhere.

She'll never make the rent
on tips.

- Well, Dot does.
- And, I'm moving in too.

I'm selling my trailer
and coming to town.

Maurey's family will help
pay our rent.

Maurey's moving in?

Part time, while Buddy's
up at the ranch.

Now, what can I get
you fellas?

I don't have all day
to chitchat with the rabble.

( baby cooing )

Sam Callahan,
I want to have your baby.

We all want to have
your baby.

We want you to be the dad
of the new generation.

I'm sorry, I would love
to father your child,

but my heart belongs
to my true love.

It's not proper to have babies
by more than one girl at a time.

You've broken my heart.

Be strong.

Someday you will understand
the theory of one man, one baby.

I'm going into Green River
after cheerleading practice...

so you'll have to handle
the 6:00 feeding.

I'm the father,
not the baby-sitter.

Same difference.

Now be a good baby.

Lydia will help you
if you need anything.

I won't need Lydia.

- Bye.
- Bye, Sam.

The future lay before Sam
like the great American novel

just waiting to be written.

Lydia would marry Hank
and join the Welcome Wagon.

Maurey would grow
to love Sam

the way mothers are supposed
to love fathers.

Shannon would grow up
to be beautiful, talented

and virginal.

Sam knew the trail head
would be long, steep,

and littered with
horse manure.

But he was ready now.

Because somehow,
someway,

the waitress, the Indian,
the cheerleader

and the 15-year-old father
would survive.

They were the modern
American family.

( swinging surf beat )

♪ Do the manta ray,
do the squid ♪

♪ Oh yeah, baby,
like I knew you did ♪

♪ Do the mussel, baby,
do the gill ♪

♪ Oh yeah, baby,
I like how that feels ♪

♪ Yahoo, swim it down ♪

♪ Yahoo, check my fins out ♪

♪ Yahoo, get on your mark ♪

♪ Yahoo, let's do the shark ♪

♪ Yahoo, swim it down ♪

♪ Yahoo, check my fins out ♪

♪ Yahoo, get on your mark ♪

♪ Yahoo, let's do the shark ♪

♪ Yahoo, swim it down ♪

♪ Yahoo, check her fins out ♪

e Yahoo, get on your mark e

e Yahoo, let's do the shark e

e Yahoo e

e Yahoo e

e Yahoo e

e Yahoo e

e Do the macarena,
do the pike e

e Now that's what it
should feel like e

e Yahoo e

e Yahoo e

e Yahoo e

e Do the surf fish,
my heart don't miss e

e Swimming in the sea,
just you and me e

e Yahoo e

e Yahoo. e