Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(ON TV) Tallyho, Gotham.

Joker, here. (CHUCKLES)

And I'm on the hunt for a good time.

Or, at least, I was.

Question: How do you catch a unique crime fighter?

Answer?

You "nique" up on him.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

But I wouldn't want people to think I'm unsporting.

So, to all you heroes out there,

you have until dawn.

Then I release the hounds

on Gotham's most dangerous game.

(GROANING)

GREEN ARROW: Tell us where the Joker is.

Talk.

(SIREN BLARING)

(GROANING)

(SCREAMING)

Where is he?

I don't know! Put me down!

Where is the Joker?

(GROANS)

This is pointless.

We've been at this for hours and we're no closer than when we started.

(CANE TAPPING)

Perhaps I can be of assistance.

Hold it. Riddler.

Nygma's been released.

Arkham gave him a clean bill of health.

That's right, Robin Hood, I've gone straight.

My card.

(READING) "E. Nigma, Consulting Detective."

You think we'd hire a certifiable criminal?

I don't think you have a choice.

Based on what I saw,

the Bat's demise grows surer by the second.

He's right. It's not like we have any leads.

But just to be sure.

Why do you really want to help?

He's stealing my act.

I'm the one who came up with leaving baffling clues all over town.

It's my gimmick. He must be stopped.

Whoa! You're not seriously considering this?

And how's the riddle guy going to help us?

Everything is a riddle.

And I always know the solution.

It's my superpower.

Joker plays games.

The hunting motif and the stuffed vulture are telling you the rules.

Vultures are scavengers. Scavenge or a hunt.

That's...

Okay, that makes sense.

He's also provided the first clue.

Those tiny minds.

Honestly, what must it be like in there?

One of these things is not like the others.

It's a rebus.

A puzzle represented by two or more images.

Sun, man, soldier, golf?

RIDDLER: Sol is the proper name for our sun.

The man's dreadlocks indicate we would pronounce it "mon."

Another word for foot soldier is grunt.

And the arrow tells us it's not the ball,

but rather the golf tee.

I see.

Kind of.

Put them all together.

Right okay. Sol, mon, grunt, tee.

Sol mon grunt.

Does Sol mon grunt tee?

Sol, mon, grunt, tee.

(CHUCKLES) Oh!

(ALARMS BLARING)

(GRUNTING)

I'll get it out of him.

Sorry, my dear, that won't be necessary.

I don't mind.

I can't have an Amazon fighting my battles for me.

Pal, no offense. But, that's Grundy.

Your concern is adorable.

I hate to disturb you, Sol, can I call you Sol?

But, there's something in your cell I require.

(DOOR SHUTS AND LOCKS)

(BANGING)

Bingo.

We can go.

But... But wait, how... How?

Oh, him? Grundy's been bored out of his mind in here.

I just gave him a challenge.

Mmm. (LAUGHING)

How did that get there?

Grundy didn't notice it?

You're questioning the wrong things, my boy.

The real question is,

what does it mean?

Quite.

And it's quite obvious.

Taste it.

Oh, go ahead. It's harmless.

It's club soda.

Club, ice, anybody?

The Iceberg Club.

That's the Penguin's place, isn't it?

Ah.

(GLASS SHATTERING)

Let's go clubbing.

(PENGUINS CHEEPING)

A little more covert in our covert ops, please?

I was hoping to get out of here without causing a...

(DOOR OPENS)

Scene.

PENGUIN: Edward.

So good to see you.

And you've brought two colorful costume heroes with you.

How thoughtful.

Yes, well, I meant to call.

(GRUMBLES)

(FIRING)

(BULLETS RICOCHETING)

Finally, some action.

(GRUNTING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(GUNSHOTS)

(FIRING)

(ICE CRUMBLING)

(CHUCKLES)

(GUN CLICKS)

Confounded thing.

Thank you.

(CHUCKLES)

Okay, now we can start looking for the next clue.

Ah, is this it?

No, poor boy.

The Joker already told us.

WONDER WOMAN: Popcorn minus corn.

Pop.

Pastry minus cup?

Close. What kind of pastry?

A scone!

(SIGHS) Tart. It's a tart.

Tart without a T.

Art. Pop art.

There's a huge pop art exhibition at the Gotham City Institute of Arts.

(CHUCKLES)

What? (CLEARS THROAT) This is... This is kind of fun.

When does a traveler not need his map?

When he's already there.

JOKER: Ooh, now that is skill.

You're the Benedict Arnold of brain boxes, Eddie.

There is no honor among thieves, Joker.

You're proof of that.

Batman!

(GRUNTING)

(JOKER LAUGHING)

(GRUNTING)

I wouldn't. The top of that can is a pressure trigger.

Step off and Lady Justice gives Batsy a close shave.

And remember, justice is blind.

It could get sloppy.

The only thing sloppy around here, Joker, are your terrible clues.

Leave the riddling to those of us with brains.

(GRUNTING)

(EXPLODING)

You stole my gimmick you talentless hack!

Leaving clues for Batman was my idea.

Mine.

Are you accusing me, Joker, prince of thieves, of stealing?

You shock me, sir.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

JOKER: This good guy routine is getting old.

Eddie, face it. You're just like me.

Crazy as a soup sandwich.

(JOKER LAUGHS)

Yield.

Okay, I give.

You solved all my riddles.

Except one.

(LAUGHS) And, ooh, it's a good one.

RIDDLER: "What has four eyes but doesn't see?"

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

But solve this.

And the Dark Knight ends up diced tomatoes.

A voice activated trigger.

If he answers the riddle, the sword falls.

Ooh, you're smarter than he looks.

So, let me get this straight.

All I need to do is not answer the riddle?

That's right. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

(CHUCKLES) I won't say a word.

Then by all means,

don't answer it.

I won't.

Oh, really?

You're not compelled to answer?

Well, that's fine.

You probably don't know the answer anyway.

You have to say it, Eddie. (CHUCKLES)

That is, if you know it,

which I doubt.

(GROANING) Mississippi!

Mississippi has four eyes, but doesn't see.

(BELL RINGS)

Made you talk! (LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

Whew. Hey!

(EXCLAIMING)

(JOKER GIGGLING)

GREEN ARROW: So, let me get this straight.

This whole time, Joker was using Batman to get to you?

What did you do to him?

That's the one riddle I haven't solved.

Ha! You know exactly what you did.

You did all this because he ate your donut?

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Okay. We're gonna head back to the watch tower.

But, uh, hey, Nygma, you did good today.

I did, didn't I?

You two blockheads wouldn't have gotten anywhere without me.

(LAUGHS)

Riddle me this, Gotham.

Who's getting better and better every day in every way?

Me!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)