Original subtitles

This is Fengdong?

What a dung hole.

Sorry, Giz, but after all of us almost dying to get here, I expected more.

Grandpa did call Fengdong "the Ghost City."

And it's only a quick stop on the way

to finding the key to The Valley of Jade,

which is hopefully labeled somewhere amongst all these ruins.

Aw, your dog caught a scent.

Again, he's a mogwai, not a dog.

And Gizmo, you've been here before?

No clue what you just said, but you said it with confidence.

So, lead on, Gizmo.

The fabled Ghost City of Fengdong.

Off to it, my new hench-creatures.

According to that old man I swallowed,

the key to the Valley of Jade is somewhere in this city's ruins.

We just need to find it.

Okay. But you don't see the confusion?

You're named radish. And he is a radish.

Right, because we're a family.

Well, we're here now, Gizmo. What next?

Sweet.

Hello, I love you.

That is what your kid siblings turned into?

Because they ate after midnight?

Whoever made your rules is so mean.

Why are they here?

How are they here? Why are they so scaly?

Did they take the train all the way from Shanghai?

I have so many questions.

And if they're here, Greene might be here, too.

This is so many kinds of bad.

So, do we run at them or away from them?

I only know how to hide.

- Oh, we're running away. - For now.

If the mogwai rules so apply, they'll have to leave at sun-up.

Right, Gizmo?

Gizmo!

We should follow Gizmo. He does seem to know where he's going.

We have done so many stupid things to get this far.

What's one more?

Your kind has been here before.

Any idea where I might find this key?

Sam has Dad's notebook, so maybe he's here too.

If only I could turn my head to look and see.

I just want to move my leg.

No, no, no, no.

I hate magic.

Whoa!

Gizmo.

Um, Gizmo. Nice song, lovely melody. But is this the time?

Whoa!

Whoa!

Fortunes! Get your fortunes here. Fortunes!

Oh! Bad omen.

You will die today.

Okay.

No, Jade or valleys?

No, we're still looking for the key to The Valley of Jade,

which I'm guessing is hidden here.

I got keys.

Key to happiness, key to wealth,

key to invulnerability.

Key to never feeling gross when you eat too much.

Yeah, this place isn't any less creepy than the last place.

You're telling me, doll.

Theodore?

Please. The name's Theodora.

You're talking outside my head.

Um.

Wow! Who's that?

Oh, pardon me.

I speak both tongues.

And the individual you seek is as always at the tavern.

May I escort you there?

It's been a long time since the spirit market has seen your kind.

You are a mogwai. Yes.

Beat it, fur coat.

I can spot a con anywhere.

Oh, no, I assure you, my lip-licking is due to an unrelated disorder.

It is a mogwai!

Mogwai!

What the large, gentle creature said to you—

Wants to eat our mogwai. Yes. Got that from context clues. Thanks.

Don't just stand there!

Skidoo.

Mogwai!

Yikes! This place is a lot more intense than my hole in the ground.

Get used to it, sonny.

Why, hello there, stranger.

What are you doing? Haven't you ever been chased in the streets before?

Only once! By you!

Lesson one. Make a mess.

Put me down!

Everything here talks?

Why wouldn't we?

Am I old enough to be in here?

Hey, pal, it's not polite to stare.

How do you think I lost my head?

Mogwai!

No one messes with my mogwai.

Thank you, Gizmo's snake lady warrior friend.

I am Nuwa,

Goddess of Creation.

You don't smell like a goddess.

You are certain this is how my mogwai opened the gate?

Again, sing and with gusto this time.

Wait! One of you screamed on key.

There you are!

You have a gift.

Use it. Or else.

Yes, yes!

Ah, ah, ah! Humans first.

Bartender. A bottle of baijiu.

My favorite fuzzy fella is visiting.

How'd you even get here?

Wait. Is The Valley of Jade okay?

You've got a human infestation?

These humans are with you?

As pets.

- Pets? - Actually, we're Gizmo's friends.

Gizmo? Who's Gizmo?

- Your name is... - Gizmo!

Gizmo is close enough.

You always were soft on their kind.

You can understand Gizmo's words?

To hear the mogwai, one has only to listen.

Also, I created all words.

Again, Goddess of Creation.

Cool. Then I'll skip to the end.

We need to get to The Valley of Jade.

Already with the favors!

Buy a god a drink first.

Speaking of... Hmm.

Come on. We came all this way so that you could go home.

Sam can help his family, and I can rescue all that treasure I deserve.

She is right.

Why waste time when we can resolve this quickly?

No!

I'm not sending humans to The Valley of Jade.

You guys ruin everything.

I'm still not over what you did to lobsters.

Lobsters?

How could you possibly think it's supposed to be food?

The whole animal has, like, two bites of meat,

which I hid inside a rock.

Then what did you create lobsters for?

Um, I forget.

Now you, my dear mogwai,

of course I'll send you back to the valley.

But never humans.

No, you should go, Gizmo.

Bartender.

Can't leave without a hug, Giz.

See? Ruins everything.

That's what your wink meant?

Normally I detest this world, but just this once...

wow!

Oh, it was my bad omen.

I hate spoiled mogwai.

Your excitement is understandable.

But remember, while in my employ, you represent me.

So, decorum.

Ooh! That is not what I... Actually, drink up.

Only one way to learn which potions are poison.

The rest of you, find my mogwai!

Mogwai? That's Sam's "not a dog."

So, this is your family business.

Three generations.

Um, new new friends?

We have to go warn my old new friends.

Oh! You'll make a fine pendant.

Actually, what the creature is saying,

underneath its thick third-coat-of-Hell regional accent,

is that he's only tiny

because the goddess, Nuwa, caught him trying to eat a furry mogwai.

My mogwai and Goddess Nuwa.

And you gained the ability to speak the Queen's English.

Well, technically, I drank a potion that granted me the gift

of understanding and speaking all languages,

but from your limited lingual perspective, sure.

I am a fan of Nuwa's work, but if she has my mogwai...

Mr. Claw!

"Miss."

Oh! I simply assumed you're all... Um, never mind.

Miss Claw, I have a new task for you and your kin.

Oh, when you run at hopping vampires,

poor Gizmo races into a Ghost City,

oh, all of a sudden you're heroes.

- But when I rush into something— - Your wink was very confusing.

Go through the portal.

Are you kidding?

Because I invented humor. And I am not finding this funny.

The only safe place for you anywhere

is The Valley of Jade.

So, now that I've leashed up your pets...

go!

Really?

You would give up the valley for these two?

You heard them yourself. She's in it for treasure.

And he only cares about his family.

Ah! Trust me, as their creator, there is not more to them.

Humans are incredibly shallow and selfish.

Maybe we are. You know whose fault that is?

It's yours.

You don't think I blame myself for humans?

For what they did to him?

To Gizmo?

What did people do to you?

Don't act like you don't know.

You really don't know?

Bartender, a fresh bottle.

Centuries ago, after we made your world...

you're welcome, by the way.

My brother, Fuxi and I were arguing

about one species...

Humans.

Fuxi saw you as ants.

Amusing from afar.

But when they get too close, a nuisance to be squashed.

But I saw humanity as mostly good.

To see who was correct,

Fuxi and I came up with a test.

The Mogwai.

If humanity could preserve the Mogwai,

it would prove that they're ultimately good.

I created him,

while Fuxi crafted his rules to make our test fair.

Never get him wet...

never expose him to bright light,

and never feed him during the hours

when the moon is at its highest point in the sky.

Of course humanity shortened that last rule.

But more on human stupidity in a moment.

The stakes were high.

The losing God would quit creating life.

The city of Fengdong was chosen to represent humanity.

We tasked them with the caring for this gift from the gods

by obeying its three rules.

I was certain I would win.

How could anyone ever hurt my mogwai?

I was wrong.

The humans loved this mogwai so much

that they all wanted one, so they broke one rule.

And the other two rules soon followed,

not knowing Fuxi

had cursed the mogwai's spawn to spend the first century of their lives

as destructive tricksters.

Soon, chaos blossomed and people died.

So I stopped the test

before the rest of China was destroyed.

I reverted the corrupted mogwai to their original states

and brought them to a new safe home...

The Valley of Jade.

It was my last creation since, well,

since I bet on humanity and lost.

I hung up my clay knife...

and said goodbye.

Since I didn't want to hear

"I told you so" for eternity,

I've been avoiding my brother in this tavern ever since.

Except one day a year where I travel to Shanghai for dumplings.

So now that you know, tell me,

would you send dumb, destructive humans to The Valley of Jade?

My dear, sweet, adorable, "too kind-hearted for this or any world" mogwai,

stop it!

There is not one word you can say that will make me—

Wait. Is that...

Did you dummies break the rules?

Not all of them.

Of course. And, as always, I'm the one who cleans up your mess.

Uh, you're going to clean it up with rhythm?

Why isn't this working?

Drink?

Poison!

But who poisons a goddess?

Greetings, Goddess Nuwa!

And other mortals of little importance.

Oh, no. Anyone but him right now.

My associates have you surrounded.

Hand over the mogwai and I shall grant you safe passage,

as well as an antidote to the poison in your veins.

Refuse and, If I may be blunt,

you will die!

Very intimidating delivery, sir.

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