All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S08E17.The.Ingrate.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian Download
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:04,570 - Hey. There they are. 2 00:00:04,572 --> 00:00:06,271 How was the carnival? 3 00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:08,607 - Uncle robert threw up. - On a ride. 4 00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:13,078 - Oh, robert. 5 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:17,016 - He was on one of the spinning rides. 6 00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:20,252 He nailed 11 people. 7 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:26,692 - I had to buy a guy a shirt. 8 00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:28,160 - Hey, guess what. 9 00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:29,194 That was my college on the phone. 10 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,362 They want to give me a degree. 11 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,331 - I thought you had a degree. 12 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:35,100 - Yeah, what the hell were we paying for? 13 00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:36,602 - It's another one. 14 00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:38,604 They call it a honorary doctorate. 15 00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:41,340 - Oh! - Oh! 16 00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:44,710 - I might throw up again. 17 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,311 - Oh, my god! 18 00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:48,380 Raymond, you're a doctor! 19 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,249 - A doctorate, ma. 20 00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:52,351 They call it a doctorate of letters. 21 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:55,054 - That is so great, honey, aww... 22 00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:58,323 - Wow, ray, congratulations! 23 00:00:58,325 --> 00:01:01,827 We are so happy for you. 24 00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:03,662 - How much do they charge for this? 25 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,531 - Nothing. - Yeah, right. 26 00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:07,499 No contribution at all? 27 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,101 Let me tell you something-- 28 00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:12,638 Education is the biggest scam going. 29 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,774 - Dr. Raymond albert barone. 30 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:18,210 - Yeah, yeah. 31 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:19,611 - Hey, doctor, I got a mole 32 00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:22,581 You should take a look at on my backside. 33 00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:32,758 - Well, you must be my 9:30. 34 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:37,396 - Mm-hmm. 35 00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:40,165 So what's your diagnosis? 36 00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:41,400 - I don't know yet. 37 00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:43,302 I might have to put my healing hands 38 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:46,572 On your love-starved body. - Ooh. 39 00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:47,806 Oh, doctor. 40 00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:49,341 [both laugh] 41 00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:50,576 Dr. Ray. 42 00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:51,743 [laughs] 43 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,512 - What? What? 44 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:56,715 - No, it's just funny calling you doctor. 45 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,485 - It's not that funny. 46 00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:04,123 - Dr. Raymond barone, ph.D. 47 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:06,558 - All right, stop it. 48 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,193 Come on, you know how I feel 49 00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:11,897 About laughing during sex. 50 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,532 - You have to admit, you're not 51 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:16,702 The most professorial kind of guy. 52 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:18,704 - I can be exceedingly professorial. 53 00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:19,905 - No, I know. 54 00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:22,307 I was just remembering that time 55 00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:25,911 You read the word "stoma-cha-chuh." 56 00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:29,414 - What's your point? 57 00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:32,584 - You read "stoma-cha-chuh." 58 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:36,255 And the word really is... 59 00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:39,725 - Stomachache. 60 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,735 - I am just teasing you. 61 00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:50,736 - Yeah, right. 62 00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:52,171 - No, come on. 63 00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:53,739 Come on, kiss me again. 64 00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:57,509 Hey, for once, I don't have a "head-ah-cha-chuh." 65 00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,311 - All right, forget it. - No, I'm kidding. 66 00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:01,680 - You know, you're just like robert and my father. 67 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,382 You don't think I deserve this. 68 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:06,351 - No, of course, I think you deserve this. 69 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,220 - Even though I'm an idiot. - Yes. 70 00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:11,323 No, no, I don't believe that. 71 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,859 No, you're very smart. You deserve this. 72 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,694 You're gonna do great. 73 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,330 - What do you mean, "do great"? 74 00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,731 - When you give your speech. 75 00:03:21,668 --> 00:03:23,569 Well, you-- 76 00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,939 You knew you had to give a speech, right? 77 00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:33,278 Ray, when they give you an honorary diploma, 78 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,947 You give a speech. 79 00:03:34,949 --> 00:03:38,417 - In front of people? 80 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:41,486 - Well, it's not a speech otherwise. 81 00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:46,558 It's just a crazy man. 82 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,293 - Oh, my god. 83 00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:49,595 - Honey, you'll do fine. 84 00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:51,897 - No, I won't! 85 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,365 They're gonna expect me to be smart 86 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:54,766 In front of smart people 87 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,501 And say smart things, and I'm not smart, 88 00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:58,403 You know it, and I know it. We all know it. 89 00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,972 Who am I kidding? 90 00:03:59,974 --> 00:04:02,608 - Ray, come out. 91 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,776 - No! 92 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,679 I'm never coming out, so you're free to remarry. 93 00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:12,551 - Ray... - Just... 94 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:16,989 Remember I can hear you in here. 95 00:04:16,991 --> 00:04:20,025 - Honey, listen... 96 00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:24,930 They want you because you're good at what you do. 97 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,565 They want the students to see someone 98 00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:29,001 Who loves his work and is a success. 99 00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:30,969 You don't have to sound like a professor. 100 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:33,305 What they want is ray barone. 101 00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:34,806 You give them that, 102 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,276 And I promise they will love you. 103 00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:46,985 - Yeah? 104 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,588 - Positive. 105 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:59,498 Ooh, I'm feeling feverish, doctor. 106 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,867 - Oh, yes. Yes, you are. 107 00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:04,403 I think you might have caught something 108 00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:06,004 From the rest of the cheerleading squad. 109 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,673 - Oh, yes. 110 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:14,379 - Step into my office. - Ooh! 111 00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:19,818 So much fun. 112 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,720 Just bring back memories and, you know... 113 00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:24,790 - Oh, wasn't that wonderful? 114 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,106 - It was pretty good, right? Yeah. 115 00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,874 - All the money on that damn college, 116 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:46,545 They can't put a cushion on a folding chair? 117 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:49,448 My mole is killing me! 118 00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:50,682 - Bobby, are you sure 119 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,084 You got a picture of raymond 120 00:05:52,086 --> 00:05:53,618 Shaking the dean's hand? 121 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:54,920 - I'm sure, mom. 122 00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:56,922 - And pictures of me kissing raymond? 123 00:05:56,924 --> 00:05:59,958 - We have enough to make wallpaper. 124 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,095 - Hey, listen, guys, all right, now that we're here, 125 00:06:03,097 --> 00:06:04,763 Really, tell me, 126 00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,698 How was my speech? 127 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,667 - Everyone loved it! - Yeah? 128 00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:10,702 - It really was great, ray. 129 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,571 So folksy. 130 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,639 - You did a good job, honey. 131 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:18,377 - Yeah, you can take your robe off now, merlin. 132 00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:25,550 By the way, why did you have to mention to everybody 133 00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:28,019 That when I was a kid, I couldn't throw a spiral? 134 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:31,123 - That was to show how I got into critiquing sports. 135 00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:32,524 - I liked the part about me cursing 136 00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:33,892 At the players on tv. 137 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,660 - Yeah, yeah, you liked that? 138 00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:36,762 - It's nice to know you have 139 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:40,098 An influence on your kids. 140 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:43,502 - It was the best speech I have ever heard. 141 00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:44,770 - Ah, you just liked it 142 00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:46,538 Because you got a big special mention. 143 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:50,842 - Did I? I didn't notice. 144 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:53,145 - You should be very proud, ray. 145 00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:54,913 - All right. All right. 146 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,149 - Let's celebrate, huh? Put out some food. 147 00:06:57,151 --> 00:06:59,184 - I'll help you. - Okay. 148 00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:03,121 - Ooh, yes, that's good thinking, amy. 149 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:06,057 - So, ray's big day... 150 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,093 You must be so proud of him. 151 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,761 - Yeah, I am proud of him. 152 00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:12,497 - What's wrong? 153 00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:13,865 - Nothing. 154 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,968 - Come on, something's up. 155 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,770 - No, really, it's nothing. 156 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,640 - You can tell me. 157 00:07:23,976 --> 00:07:26,178 - Well, he made a great speech today, right? 158 00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:28,547 I mean, how he worked in all those little stories 159 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,115 About everybody in his life? 160 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,716 - Yeah, that was my favorite part. 161 00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:34,152 - Did you notice he didn't mention me? 162 00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:37,456 - Of course he did. - No. 163 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:40,659 - No, I mean, he mentioned frank and robert 164 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:43,495 And thanked marie at the end and... 165 00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:46,998 Oh, my god, he didn't mention you. 166 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,734 - It's fine. It is. 167 00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:51,570 - You know, deb, I'm sure ray 168 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:54,539 Just made some kind of mistake in his speech. 169 00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,575 He just forgot. You should ask him. 170 00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,477 - No, no, I don't want to make a big deal about it. 171 00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,645 I want him to enjoy his day. 172 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,815 - What a beautiful diploma. 173 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:04,983 - Why don't you keep it, ma? 174 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,117 - What? - Yeah. 175 00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:08,086 - Really? Oh, no. - Sure. 176 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:10,822 I can't hang it up here. It'd be like bragging. 177 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,225 Besides, you deserve it. 178 00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:15,827 - Oh, what a boy! 179 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:19,965 - Okay, okay. Okay, okay. 180 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,033 - He said okay! 181 00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:34,713 - Can I talk to you for a minute, ray? 182 00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,848 - Huh? 183 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,922 - Debra would kill me for this, because she won't say anything, 184 00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:47,225 But I thought you might want to know. 185 00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:49,227 You didn't mention her in your speech. 186 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:53,865 - What? No...Yes, I did. 187 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,268 I didn't? 188 00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:09,548 - Oh, my god. 189 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,783 You didn't thank your wife. 190 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:14,653 You screwed the pooch! 191 00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,888 - Robert, quiet! 192 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,156 - What did he do? 193 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:20,759 - He didn't thank debra. - Amy! 194 00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:24,896 - No, no, no, I did. I did. I know I did. 195 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,032 I wrote...I wrote... I wrote... 196 00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:29,334 Look, I wrote about-- I wrote about school. 197 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:34,739 I wrote about-- I wrote about sports, and I... 198 00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:40,779 Oh, no. 199 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,681 - Didn't even jot her name down in the margins. 200 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,616 - Amy, what are you doing? 201 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:47,052 - Helping? 202 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:48,086 - Let's go back, come on. Come on, let's go back. 203 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,121 I'll give another speech. 204 00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,189 There's probably still people in the cafeteria. 205 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,357 - No, it's okay. 206 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:53,959 Come on, this isn't about me. 207 00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:56,161 Huh? This is your day. 208 00:09:56,163 --> 00:10:00,932 I'm so proud of you. You should be happy. 209 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,601 I'm gonna go check on the kids. 210 00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:14,713 - So should we bury you in that dress? 211 00:10:22,855 --> 00:10:25,090 - Listen, debra, I just want to say-- 212 00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:26,925 - No, really, ray. It's okay. 213 00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,260 You don't have to apologize again. 214 00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:32,864 - Yeah, but you're supposed to thank your wife, and-- 215 00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:35,233 And you are my wife, right? 216 00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,702 - Yes, I'm your wife. 217 00:10:37,704 --> 00:10:41,339 - And I am a stupid, stupid doctor. 218 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,842 - No, honey, really. It really is okay. 219 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,944 I wasn't even gonna say anything. 220 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,078 - Yeah, but you did say something. 221 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,980 - No, I didn't. - To amy. 222 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,181 - Yes, to amy, because I thought 223 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,816 She wouldn't say anything to you. 224 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:54,753 And now I have to kill her. 225 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,688 - Okay, see? It did bother you. 226 00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:58,857 - No, really, don't obsess about this. 227 00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:01,326 It was a great day, I'm proud of you, 228 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:04,396 And we don't need to talk about it anymore, okay? 229 00:11:04,398 --> 00:11:06,865 - Okay. 230 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,299 You're right, it was-- 231 00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:11,236 It was just a fluke, anyway, right? 232 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:12,937 - Night. - Night. 233 00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:22,981 You know what it is? 234 00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:24,716 I know why I did it. 235 00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:27,218 It's because this was an award from college, 236 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:28,887 So I was thinking of all the people 237 00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:33,692 That helped me through college, at that time. 238 00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:36,027 I didn't even know you then. 239 00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:40,432 - Well, where were all those people the other night 240 00:11:40,434 --> 00:11:42,233 When you were hiding in your closet, 241 00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,169 Afraid to give your speech? 242 00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:47,205 - I wasn't hiding. I was making my special magic. 243 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:51,042 - Well, you couldn't have thanked those people 244 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,410 If I hadn't given you the confidence 245 00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:54,079 To make your speech. 246 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,081 - What confidence? I remember you making fun of me 247 00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:59,017 And giggling and "stoma-chah-chuh." 248 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,186 - Yes, but then I encouraged you, 249 00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:02,754 And you were able to get up 250 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:05,023 In front of those people and give a great speech. 251 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,191 - Yeah, you encouraged me, 252 00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:07,459 But first, you had to tear me down 253 00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:09,461 So you could build me back up again. 254 00:12:09,463 --> 00:12:11,062 - What? - That's right. 255 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,130 That's what you do. 256 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:13,465 And you are very careful 257 00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:16,768 That I do not come out smarter than you. 258 00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:20,772 - I never really worry about that. 259 00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:24,442 - Okay, all right. See? 260 00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,745 That's tearing me down, tearing me down. 261 00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:28,012 You know what, maybe that's why something in my head 262 00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:29,247 Prevented me from thanking you. 263 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:32,417 - [gasps] oh, my god. 264 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,452 - What? - You did it on purpose? 265 00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:37,222 - No, no. No! 266 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:39,824 No, I said something in my head did it. 267 00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:41,292 - Yeah, something like you thinking it. 268 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,394 - No, no, no! 269 00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:46,831 - You're not a stupid doctor. You're an evil doctor! 270 00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:49,134 - No, no, I'm stupid. 271 00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:51,402 I'm a stupid man! You know that! 272 00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:53,905 - I can't believe you! 273 00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:57,175 - Debra, it was something I did unconsciously. 274 00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:58,510 - Subconsciously. 275 00:12:58,512 --> 00:13:01,446 Unconscious means you're not awake. 276 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,549 - You see that? I don't know anything! 277 00:13:06,318 --> 00:13:10,922 I told you, I don't deserve the damn thing. 278 00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:18,196 - No, listen, honey, I don't want you to feel that way. 279 00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:24,068 I know you didn't mean to leave me out. 280 00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:27,572 It's just... 281 00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:28,973 - It bothers you. 282 00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,308 - Yes, it bothers me, 283 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,010 But it bothers me that it bothers me. 284 00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:35,180 You know, I don't need you to say nice things 285 00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,081 About me in public. 286 00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:41,119 I just... I don't know... 287 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:45,456 I want you to. I don't know. I'm sorry. 288 00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,325 You're a very good doctor. I'm so sorry, good night. 289 00:13:58,237 --> 00:14:02,073 - I'm glad you feel better. 290 00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:08,847 Hey, here she is. Coffee? 291 00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,582 - Thank you. 292 00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:12,250 What are you doing? 293 00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:15,453 - Nothin'. 294 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:18,423 Remember the other night? 295 00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:19,858 Read the paper. 296 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,426 - Your column? - Yes, exactly. 297 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,428 My column. Read my column. 298 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:25,363 - You think players 299 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,332 Should stop dumping gatorade on their coaches' heads. 300 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:30,268 It's wasteful and sticky. 301 00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:33,338 - Unless it's a championship game. 302 00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,607 Then it's okay. Little lower. 303 00:14:35,609 --> 00:14:38,943 - "I'm often asked by people who want to be sportswriters, 304 00:14:38,945 --> 00:14:40,612 "'how did you get started?' 305 00:14:40,614 --> 00:14:43,414 "and I understand this question, because of all the plum jobs, 306 00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:47,151 I've got the plum-est." 307 00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:48,887 - No, there's more. There's more. 308 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,588 - You know, I think I'll finish it 309 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:51,923 When the coffee kicks in. 310 00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:52,924 But it seems really good. 311 00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:57,061 - No... 312 00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,930 "and it's a fair question to ask me, 313 00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:01,900 "because I am, after all, mostly qualified 314 00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,935 "to do something like deliver futons. 315 00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:07,005 "so how did I get here? 316 00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:10,074 "you see, there was this futon delivery guy, 317 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,643 And he met a beautiful woman." 318 00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:16,547 Oh, now you're listening, yeah. 319 00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:19,150 "and even though she was way out of his league, 320 00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,586 "for some unknown reason, she smiled at him. 321 00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:24,656 "eventually, and even more amazingly, 322 00:15:24,658 --> 00:15:26,491 "she married him. 323 00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:29,193 "and it turns out that when one of your dreams comes true, 324 00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:33,231 "you begin to take the others a little more seriously. 325 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:36,167 "so even though I'm as amazed as anybody 326 00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:39,270 "that I have any success at all, 327 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:43,675 I'm pretty sure it all started with my wife debra's smile." 328 00:15:46,178 --> 00:15:48,346 I wrote that. 329 00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:56,487 - That is the sweetest thing. 330 00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,056 - Yeah? Not too sappy? 331 00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:01,192 - It's way too sappy. 332 00:16:03,662 --> 00:16:05,163 - Good morning. 333 00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:08,700 - Hey. 334 00:16:08,702 --> 00:16:10,501 Hi, ma. 335 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,103 - Hi, marie. Hi, frank. 336 00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:14,505 See your son's column this morning? 337 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,207 - Yes, we did. 338 00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,176 We thought it was wonderful, didn't we, frank? 339 00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:22,347 - Then why did you drag me over here? 340 00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,248 - I thought it was a marvelous piece. 341 00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:26,985 Full of gratitude and feelings 342 00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,619 That were so overwhelming, 343 00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:31,456 That it needed to be expressed in writing. 344 00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,591 In the newspaper. 345 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:38,062 - Ma, I thanked you at the graduation. 346 00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:43,701 - Yes, you made some vague reference to some "mother" 347 00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:46,571 In front of a few people on a lawn. 348 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:48,706 - What? 349 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,274 - You never mentioned my name. 350 00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:53,678 It was, quite frankly, rather perfunctory. 351 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,747 - Oh, come on. 352 00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:58,116 - Yet debra's magical smile 353 00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,351 Gets all the credit in front of-- 354 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,754 What's the circulation of the paper? 355 00:17:02,756 --> 00:17:03,755 - Oh, it doesn't matter. 356 00:17:03,757 --> 00:17:05,757 - 850,000. 357 00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:16,334 - 850,000. 358 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:19,670 What about my smile, raymond? 359 00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:22,073 What about my smile? 360 00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:23,441 - And I like it when they dump the gatorade 361 00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:26,411 On the coach's head. 362 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:29,781 That's funny. 363 00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:31,682 - Did you see the paper? - Yes, she saw. 364 00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:34,152 Hundreds of thousands saw. 365 00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,087 - Isn't it great? 366 00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:38,056 Ray, that was so nice. 367 00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:41,325 See, deb, maybe it wasn't such a big mistake to bring it up. 368 00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:42,794 - Thank you, amy. 369 00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,802 - Go ahead, robert. 370 00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:53,504 - Uh, raymond, your success is your success 371 00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:55,640 And not my failure. 372 00:17:59,678 --> 00:18:02,380 And so, as any good brother should be, 373 00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:05,550 I am happy for you. 374 00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:10,855 - Both my sons are whipped! 375 00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:13,524 - However, raymond, 376 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,126 If anybody should get credit for your success, 377 00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:16,461 It should be me. 378 00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:19,130 - Robert! - That's right! Admit it! 379 00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,399 You owe your success to the pathological desire 380 00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:23,668 You've always had to be better than me! 381 00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:25,636 - What? - That's right. 382 00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:28,840 Remember in school? I was the writer on the paper. 383 00:18:28,842 --> 00:18:30,842 Before you even knew how to pick up a pencil, 384 00:18:30,844 --> 00:18:32,677 I had my own column. 385 00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:34,712 "the view from up here." 386 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:41,419 - You've got to be kidding me! 387 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:44,288 - Well, it makes as much sense as a fake smile. 388 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:46,557 - What? - Oh... 389 00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:50,128 You don't whiten your teeth? 390 00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:52,230 - Hey, all you did was teach him piano. 391 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,764 If it was up to you, ray'd have a job 392 00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:56,734 Playing "love story" next to a perfume counter. 393 00:18:59,404 --> 00:19:01,205 - All right, listen, you all had your chance with ray, 394 00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:03,407 And you got him as far as "futon guy." 395 00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:05,476 Maybe I took him the rest of the way. 396 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,811 - That is absurd! 397 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,513 - You can take credit for the boy. 398 00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:09,747 I'll take credit for the man. 399 00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,215 - You can have credit for the man. 400 00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:12,884 Who the hell would want that? 401 00:19:12,886 --> 00:19:16,554 I just want credit for the career. 402 00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:20,258 - So you just cast aside the mother. 403 00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:22,894 Let me tell you-- it didn't start with a smile. 404 00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:27,732 It started with 19 hours of horrible labor. 405 00:19:30,469 --> 00:19:34,805 - But before that, there was a smile. 406 00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:47,552 - Also horrible. 407 00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:50,821 - I want my credit. I deserve it! 408 00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:52,690 - Did you see the newspaper today? 409 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,358 - Oh, it's a terrible newspaper. 410 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,726 [all talking at once] 411 00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:57,495 - All right, stop it. 412 00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:59,263 Stop it! Stop it! 413 00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:02,700 Nothing's ever enough for anybody in this house! 414 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,902 What do you want? You want... 415 00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,671 Okay, here it is. Here it is. You ready? 416 00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:10,808 Everybody? 417 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:13,844 Thank you. Thank you. 418 00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,580 Thank you, robert. 419 00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:17,848 I owe my career to you. 420 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,750 That column you did in grammar school 421 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,686 About noogies versus wedgies, 422 00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:26,324 That's the reason that I go to work every day. 423 00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:29,493 And, amy... I don't know what I did 424 00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:30,962 Before you came into this family 425 00:20:30,964 --> 00:20:33,798 To point out my mistakes, but thank you! 426 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,300 And, dad! 427 00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,002 Dad, there's something I always wanted to say to you. 428 00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:41,672 I've never said it before, but I'm gonna say it right now! 429 00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:46,611 You are the mole on the backside of my success. 430 00:20:59,625 --> 00:21:04,362 Sweet mama. 431 00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:06,530 Without your pushing, 432 00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:09,267 I would still be in your womb. 433 00:21:20,479 --> 00:21:22,513 And you, wife... 434 00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:25,016 Without you, 435 00:21:25,018 --> 00:21:27,752 I'd have nothing but heart-acha-chuh. 436 00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:42,767 - He thanked me first. 437 00:21:42,769 --> 00:21:45,069 - He saved me for last. 438 00:21:45,071 --> 00:21:49,840 - He said the most meaningful things about me. 439 00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:54,011 - Why was he so fruity? 30832

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.